Deception
by eorocks
Summary: This story is about love and deception. Rated M
1. Chapter 1

Elliot stepped into the elevator at the 1-6 and scrubbed a hand over his face. He's supposed to be on vacation, but he'd gotten a call from Alex this morning telling him his testimony in a case had been moved up and he was needed in court this afternoon. Kathy had been upset as it was his day to have the twins, but after all of these years, she was used it. Since his plans for the day were ruined, he had decided to just get ready and head into the precinct to go over his notes so he was prepared.

The elevator doors opened and he headed towards the squad room. He noticed that his partner Tony's desk was empty and he remembered he had taken a few days off as well.

"Stabler." Fin said. "Thought you were on vacation."

"Me too." Elliot said as he stopped to pour himself a cup of coffee. He walked past Fin and Munch on his way back to his desk and saw a little girl sitting on Munch's leg, coloring on a piece of paper. He raised an eyebrow at Fin and walked over to his desk.

"Are we running a daycare?" he asked, smiling as he turned to sit down. He looked back over towards Munch and his smile faded. The little girl was maybe 3 or 4, with dark hair and dark skin. It sent a jolt through his system and he laughed uncomfortably. The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. "She looks like…"

 _Olivia_.

He felt a fresh stab of pain at the thought of her. It still surprised him sometimes; the heartache so fresh after all these years. He remembered it like it was yesterday. Gitano had driven them over the edge and their walls had crumbled…and what started as one night of indiscretion had turned into an intense, steamy relationship. They'd had their ups and downs as Elliot tried to deal with backlash from Kathy and his kids, and things had been rocky and tumultuous. But for the most part, they were happy. At least he thought they were. And then suddenly, after six months, she had broken it off. And broken him. The final blow had been when she left less than a month later; telling him she couldn't be his partner anymore and taking off for parts unknown.

"Olivia." He finished. He saw a surprised look on Munch's face because he never mentioned her. _Ever_. And neither did anyone else. They knew that it was too painful.

The little girl looked up at him then and smiled, and his heart shattered all over again. He saw Olivia's smile and dark brown eyes. He had never seen a photo of Olivia as a child, but this girl in front of him had to be an exact replica.

Elliot walked over towards Munch's desk and the little girl hopped down from her perch on Munch's leg. Elliot squatted down and the girl walked right up to him. He drank her in, taking in her black and white polka dot dress and her black patent leather shoes; a little princess through and through. She touched his cheek lightly with her fingers.

"I know you." She said excitedly, a big smile on her face.

"You do?" Elliot asked.

"Mommy showed me pictures of you." She said, nodding enthusiastically. She took a few skipping steps back to Munch's desk and grabbed a small purse. She started digging in it as she walked back towards him. "See?" she said as she fished a beaten up photo out of her purse and handed it to him. "That's you and Mommy."

Elliot felt the world spinning around him as he looked at the photo she handed him. It was a photo Olivia had kept in her living room for years; one of them from early in their partnership. A snapshot taken during a happier time.

The little girl was hanging on his arm now, hanging on him as they both looked down at the photo, and he could hear her chattering something about her Mommy. But his mind was elsewhere. There was no doubt this little girl was Olivia's…and if she was here then that meant…

He heard Cragen's door open and then a familiar laugh. He swiveled slightly and saw Olivia as she walked out of his office. He felt his heart stop…and his first thought was that she looked absolutely amazing. She had always been stunning, but she looked more relaxed and happy then she'd ever seen her. But then she saw him squatting there and she stopped short, her mouth frozen in mid-laughter.

The little girl left his side then and ran over to her. "Mommy, Mommy." She said excitedly, practically jumping up and down as she clutched at her mother's hand. "Look who I found! It's Daddy!"

Elliot stood up as her words registered. _Daddy?_ There was no doubt she was Olivia's child, but… He looked back at the girl and then back up at Olivia. The age was right. But it couldn't be. Olivia would never keep something like that from him. _Would she?_ He looked back at her, a question in his eyes.

Olivia opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again, pressing her hand against her lips. Cragen had come out of the office behind her and Elliot's eyes flicked up to him and he saw the shocked expression on his face. It hit him that Cragen knew. _He'd known all along_.

His mind and his emotions were suddenly all over the place as everything started to register in his brain.

He felt angry…had Olivia really kept this from him? The knowledge of his own child?

He felt betrayed…how could Cragen keep this from him for all of these years?

He felt conflicted...he was so happy to see her standing there in front of him. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and pull her close and tell her how much he had missed her.

Olivia was the first to move after what felt like minutes, but was probably only seconds. She squatted down next to the little girl. "Sweetie. Go with Papa Don. Mommy needs to talk to Elliot." She said.

Elliot watched as the little girl pouted. "I want to talk to Daddy." She said, and he could see the stubborn streak in the little girl just in her stance and her expression.

Cragen stepped in and put a hand on her shoulder. "Come on sweetie. We'll get a treat."

He watched as the little girl considered the offer, pissed that Cragen seemed to have a relationship with his daughter that he didn't have. He saw Olivia giving him furtive glances as she pushed the little girl towards Cragen. "Please listen to me." She said, her tone stern.

The child relented and let Cragen lead her away. Olivia walked back into Cragen's office, and he knew she meant for him to follow her. Elliot stood rooted in place, watching as Cragen walked out. He glanced back at Fin and Munch, and could see as they quickly avoided his glare. He took in a deep breath and walked into Cragen's office, closing the door behind him.

Olivia was on the other side of Cragen's office and she turned to face him once she heard the door close. He felt torn once again. Part of him wanted to kiss her and hold her and ask her why she had broken his heart. And the other part of him wanted to scream and rage…and ask him how she could have deceived him like this.

In the end, anger won out and he tried to control it as he choked out his words. Because right now…his anger and feelings of betrayal trumped everything else.

"We have a daughter?"

"Elliot." She said, a pleading look in her eyes.

He could see tears brimming on her lashes and the thought flitted through his mind that the last time he saw Olivia cry was when she left him.

"Is. She. My. Daughter?" he asked in his best _don't fuck with me_ tone.

Olivia hesitated for a moment, but then she nodded slowly, a stricken expression on her face.

Elliot collapsed on the couch in disbelief. While he had known it was the truth as soon as the little girl said the word _daddy_ , Olivia's confirmation struck him to his core. He took a few minutes to try to let the reality of it sink in.

He looked up at Olivia and could see a tear and broken free and trail down her cheek. He thought back to their relationship; they had been so happy. A child would have been a blessing. It didn't make any sense.

"Why?" he said. She knew what he was asking.

"I…" She pressed her lips together, shaking her head.

"I loved you." He said, standing up and moving over towards her.

Olivia shook her head again, as if she didn't want to hear the words. "We weren't meant to be together forever." She said.

"What?" Elliot asked. He didn't understand what she was saying.

"We were an affair…"

"I was separated." He said.

"Not really." She said. Kathy had been a complete bitch when she found out about the two of them, accusing them of having had an affair for years. She threatened him with his kids, messing up dates for visitation purposefully, refusing to allow the kids to visit if Olivia was going to be around. She treated them like hostages in a negotiation and Olivia had seen the toll that took on him. "You went back home, didn't you?" she asked.

"But…"

"Didn't you?" she asked again.

Elliot nodded because it was true. But he had only gone back after Olivia left him. He was too shattered; he had needed a place to go. He had been folded back into the comfort of his familiar family life, but it had never been the same. He had tried to get back to some sense of normalcy, but finally even Kathy realized they couldn't get back to where they had been. Kathy knew he was heartbroken, and she even came close to apologizing for her role in the entire mess. In the end, they agreed to end it once and for all, and he'd been living on his own for six months now.

"Not being with your kids was tearing you apart. They were never going to accept me, and I didn't want to force you to choose. It was where you belonged." Olivia said softly.

"I would have married you." He said.

"I know." She said. "And that's why I left." She dropped her head and moved away from him. "Elliot…we fell in love, but we weren't supposed to. I tried so hard to deny it. I should have left when I saw what was happening and then I never would have come between you and Kathy. You and your kids. But I was selfish. I waited too long. I wanted to believe we could handle it. But Gitano broke us. I shouldn't have let it happen." She turned back towards him. "That's why I left."

"What are you talking about?" Elliot said angrily. "You weren't the reason my marriage broke up."

"I don't believe that." She said.

"I don't care what you believe. It's true." He scrubbed a hand over his face again, trying to control his anger. "Did you know you were pregnant when you left?"

The expression on her face told him everything he needed to know.

"There were so many times I picked up the phone." She said. "But then I heard you went back home and I knew I had done the right thing." She said.

"The right thing?" Elliot yelled. "Are you kidding me?" He paced a few steps away from her. "that wasn't your decision to make. She's _my_ daughter too." He shook his head. "I missed your pregnancy. I missed her birth. I missed the first years of her life." He ranted. "I don't even know her _name_."

"Elise. Her name is Elise."

Elliot let that sink in for a minute. He lowered the tone of his voice, his anger morphed into something else. A mixture of sadness and regret. "It wasn't your decision to make." He repeated.

He looked up at her and saw tears running down her face.

"And Cragen was in on this?" he asked.

"He helped me get settled."

Elliot shook his head because he couldn't believe that Cragen would keep something like this from him.

"And Munch and Fin?"

She shook her head. "They just met her for the first time today. They didn't know." She swiped at the tears on her cheek.

"I can't believe Don kept this from me."

"It was my decision. I swore him to secrecy." She said. "Besides, it wasn't his place to tell you."

"Damn right. It was yours." He was standing in front of her now with his hands on his hips. "Were you ever going to tell me?" he asked. "Or were you just going to continue sneaking around and visiting when you thought I was gone?"

Olivia took a step backwards, and he knew she was feeling intimidated. But right now, he just didn't care. "Were you?"

"That's why I'm here." She choked out. "I came into the city today because…" she looked down at the floor. "I heard you weren't at home anymore." She looked up and saw Elliot staring intently at her. "I know I made a huge mistake and I know you probably hate me right now but I want you to know your daughter. I realized that my decision meant she was going to grow up without a father, just like me. And at first I thought I could be enough, but it's not fair to her." She let out a sob. "I have to do what's best for her." She put a hand over her mouth to keep another sob from escaping. "I'm so sorry Elliot." She whispered. "I know you can't forgive me but I'm so sorry."

Elliot looked back and forth between her eyes, his lips pressed together. "I loved you Olivia." He said forcefully. "And you know what's even worse?" He let out a strained laugh. "I'm standing here looking at you and I realize I still love you." He ran a hand over his short cropped hair. "But I don't know if I can ever forgive you for this."

Olivia reached her hand out but he batted it away.

"I'm going to see my daughter."

He turned and left her standing in Cragen's office and he could hear her sobbing as he slammed the door behind him.

He looked over at Fin and Munch and they looked away quickly. Elliot saw Cragen was up in the break area and he took the steps two at a time. He stopped when Cragen and Elise sitting at the table. Elise was eating cookies and Cragen was talking to her. They both stopped to stare at him.

Elise got a bright smile on her face and jumped down and ran over to him. He squatted down and his heart broke as he saw this small replica of Olivia standing in front of him.

"Hi." He said, breaking into a big smile.

"Did you talk to Mommy?" she asked.

"I did."

"Good. Mommy shows me pictures of you all the time but sometimes it makes her sad." She said matter-of-factly. "I've been asking her when we can visit you because I think she needed a hug." She said. "Did you give her a hug?"

Elliot smiled at her innocence. He was happy to hear that Olivia had told her about him and that they seemed to talk about him regularly. She hadn't tried to hide him from her.

"No, I didn't give her a hug, but I'd like to give you one." He said. "If that's OK."

She smiled and reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck and Elliot felt tears form as he wrapped his arms around her. He stood up, holding her close. She buried her face in his shoulder and he buried his face in her hair, placing a soft kiss there. He just rocked in place, holding on to her, and she seemed content to let him do it. He closed his eyes, just inhaling the essence of her. _God, she even smelled like Olivia._

All the memories of their time together came flooding back to him. The intensity of their affair surprised even him. He was in so deep, and when they had finally fallen into bed that fateful night, it had been so much more than he had ever imagined. And he knew she felt the same way too. But he also knew she had always felt like she never deserved that kind of happiness, and if they fought at all, it was always about her insecurity. About this notion that she was stealing him from his real life. He could never understand why she couldn't realize that being with her was exactly where he was meant to be.

He looked up and saw Cragen watching him. Elise started to squirm in his arms and he set her down. She took his hand. "Do you want to have a snack with Papa and me?" she asked.

Elliot didn't completely know what role he had played in this charade, but he knew there was a part of him that should be grateful for any help Don had given to Olivia. He knew Don's feelings for Olivia ran deeply, and that he shouldn't be surprised that Olivia had confided in him. They were the father and daughter neither one of them had.

"Sit down Elliot." Cragen said.

Elliot nodded and let Elise drag him over to the table. He sat down across from her and watched as she picked up a cookie and started to eat it. She started to color with her other hand and was singing some kind of silly song, totally focused on what she was doing.

"How could you have gone along with this?" Elliot asked quietly.

"I'm not going to defend my role in this." Cragen said. "She came to me for help and swore me to secrecy. I told her I thought it was a mistake, but she thought it was what was best at the time." He said. "I couldn't just let her go, without anyone out there in the world."

Elliot thought about what he said, nodding because it's the same thought he'd had just a few minutes ago.

"She always asked about you. About how you were doing." He said. "And I told her that you were never the same person after she left."

Elliot let out a sigh, because it was the truth. He felt so lost without her and he'd never really adjusted. It was almost as if he was missing a piece of himself and that hole could never be filled with anything else.

"And for what it's worth, she's never been the same either." He said quietly.

Cragen's words hit him hard because he'd never really thought about it. He assumed that because she left, that she had decided she didn't need him… that she was off living her life without a second thought. He looked back at Elise. She had a daily reminder of what was lost. The question was whether or not she mourned that loss. Cragen was telling him she did.

"I don't know if I can ever forgive her Don." He said, shaking his head as he watched his daughter.

"Do you still love her?" he asked.

"That's what's so hard." He said. "I love her and I hate her all at the same time."

"Listen to me Elliot. I've watched you two for years. I know how deeply you love each other and I don't think you ever get over that." He sighed. "I know she still loves you and while I don't condone what she did, I know she regrets it deeply." He motioned towards Elise. "But she has made sure that Elise knows who you are. She tells her stories about you and shows her photos and I talk about you too. She's never hidden you from her."

Elliot was silently grateful for that small token.

Don continued. "But you know the important thing here is her. You two have to get past your anger and regret and figure out what's best for her."

Elliot nodded because he knew Cragen was right. "I just need a little time. I didn't expect this today…I've just found out about her and I'm still trying to process all of this."

"I know." Cragen said. "And just like I was there for Olivia, I'm here for you too."

Elise hopped off her chair and picked up the picture she had been coloring. She moved over to stand between he and Cragen. "Do you want to see what I made?" she said, plopping down her drawing on the table.

She forged ahead and Elliot had to smile at her presumption. She was obviously used to being the center of the universe…and to getting what she wanted.

"This is my house." She said pointing to a blue square on the paper. "Mommy said you can come to our house one day Daddy." She looked up at Cragen. "Papa comes and visits us." She said, patting his hand and Elliot felt another twinge of jealousy that he knew his daughter better than he did.

Elise kept talking. "Look" she said pointing to a one of the stick figures standing by the house and looking up at Cragen. "This is you Papa." She pointed to another stick figure with brown hair. "This is Mommy." She pointed to another stick figure standing next to that one. "And this is you Daddy." She looked up at him with a big smile on her face. "Do you want to come to our house Daddy?"

"I have to talk to your Mom about that but I'd really like that." He said.

Elise nodded her head. "I know Mommy wants you to come. She said she missed you and sometimes I see her cry." She said. "I don't want her to be sad."

"I don't want her to be sad either honey." He said trying to provide some comfort because it obviously bothered her.

"So you can fix it?" she asked, looking up at him with those beautiful brown eyes.

Everything Cragen had said about putting his daughter first was right. He had to figure out how he and Olivia could move forward so that he could be a part of her life. He had already missed out on her birth and the first four years. He wasn't going to miss another minute.

 _Author's Note: I know some of you are ready to kill me right now, and I know some of you are saying you've heard this story before, why does Liv do this kind of stuff, etc. etc. I know. But as a writer, these stories stick in your head and you can't get rid of them until you write them down. This story has been in my head a long time, and anyone that knows my writing knows that I try to stay true to the characters as much as possible. So you know Liv is how she is, and Elliot is how he is. And you know I believe in happy endings for these two. So bear with me. Or decide you don't want to read it. That's OK too. I'm going to post Chapter 2 shortly._


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for all of the positive feedback! I know this is a different story for me, so I hope you'll enjoy it. I have quite a few chapters written, so updates should be quick._

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia stayed in Cragen's office, trying to get her emotions under control. This was not the way she wanted this to happen; she had planned for Don to watch Elise while she met up with Elliot. She wanted to break the news to him without anyone else around, especially Elise.

She should have known that it wouldn't matter how she told him. It was never going to go well because there was no justifiable excuse for what she had done.

At the time, she just hadn't been thinking clearly. Her relationship with Elliot never should have happened. It was a weak moment after a tough case. And while they had been through a lot of them over their career, this one was just too much. They'd both come close to losing the other, and the raw emotion around that…the overwhelming feelings of regret over not exploring what might have been…drove them into bed.

It had been amazing. It was everything they both thought it would be. They were already emotional bound to each other; the sex was just the icing on the cake. And it had been wonderful for a while, until they let in the rest of the world.

Kathy had a meltdown. An honest to God breakdown, accusing Elliot of having had an affair with her while they were married and calling Olivia some pretty horrible names. That hadn't deterred them because Elliot really didn't care, and they knew it wasn't true.

The hard part had come right after, when Kathy poisoned the kids against their father. She did everything she could to get the kids on her side, and Olivia would never forgive her for that. Dates for weekends and evenings with the kids got mysteriously messed up. Kathy "forgot" to tell him about events at the kids' school or sporting events. She did everything she could to drive the kids farther away and Olivia saw what a toll that was taking on Elliot. He missed them. And they were missing out on having their father be a part of their life.

Elliot had tried talking to Kathy and the kids. Olivia had swallowed her pride and tried talking to Kathy but she would have none of it. She called Olivia a homewrecker and a whore despite Olivia's protestations that nothing had happened until after he was separated.

But even she knew that was partially a lie. Because even though she and Elliot hadn't slept together, they had cheated emotionally and intellectually. And the sexual desire for each other had been there. Always.

After six months, she called it off. It didn't seem that Kathy was going to relent, and although Elliot had told her things were going to get better, she didn't see it. Things were just as horrible as they'd been at the beginning, and there was no way she was going to stand between Elliot and his kids.

Kathy? She could fuck off. But his kids…no.

She never wanted to be that person.

It was the hardest thing she'd ever done in her life, and the next few weeks in the squad room were horrible. Elliot was angry and she was just overwrought…and there were so many times she almost caved in to his request to rethink this. To give them another chance. But she held strong.

She wasn't sure if they could continue to work together. The temptation was too great and she felt it was affecting their ability to do their jobs. But then a few weeks later, the decision was made for her.

She was pregnant.

She could barely believe it. Things had been so tumultuous; she hadn't been sleeping or eating and was actually losing weight. She figured all of the stress had caused her to miss her period. But when she actually missed a second one, she started to think about when she'd had it last and she was off to the drugstore.

When she sat on her bathroom floor and saw those two lines on the pregnancy test, she'd cried for an hour.

She had wanted a baby for so long…and this was how it was going to happen?

Fate was a cold bitch.

She had agonized over what to do for a week. She knew if she told Elliot, he'd be there in a second. But she was struggling because she'd given him up for the right reasons…four of them to be exact.

So now that she was expecting, did that change anything?

She had decided no.

At the time, it seemed like the right thing to do. She had told Cragen in confidence and sworn him to secrecy. He had argued with her, quite vehemently, but she told him she was leaving regardless. And that he could help her or she'd disappear, and he had finally relented.

He had helped her get established just an hour and a half away in Connecticut. He helped her buy a small house, and used his connections to get her a job. He visited her often, which really helped her get through several bouts of homesickness. Her hormones were on overdrive during her pregnancy. She missed New York City, her job, her friends, the squad…and Elliot.

There were so many times those first few months that she picked up the phone to call him. To tell him everything. She was lonely and heartbroken.

But then Don told her he had gone back home, and she knew she had made the right decision. He hadn't wanted her…he ended up with Kathy where he belonged.

She tried to adjust after that. She decorated the nursery and made a scrapbook of her pregnancy and made some new friends in town and just tried to forget.

When the baby was born, she steeled herself to see those icy blue eyes staring back at her. But her little girl looked just like her…a blessing she supposed. But there was still a part of her that wished she had those eyes…

She had named her Elise. Her little El. And so she held a little piece of him with her always.

She sniffled as the memories washed over her. She remembered being so happy in the hospital, and then crying for hours wishing Elliot was there.

She marked all of the major milestones in her little girl's life thinking that someday, she could share those with him.

She got along, and wrapped herself up with Elise and their life together. And despite the gaping hole in her heart, she was happy. Because she thought Elliot was happy too.

Then Cragen had dropped a bombshell on her during one of his visits. He had told her that Elliot had left Kathy, and that it was final this time. Papers had been signed and filed. The kids were older now; the twins were 16 and busy as ever, and the older ones had their own lives.

It had shattered her because she had tried to make it easy for him to go back to his family. She thought that she was doing the right thing. But then she couldn't help think that maybe she had been wrong. So wrong. Because in trying to do what she thought was right for him, she'd taken the decision out of his hands.

It still had taken her almost four months to gather up the courage to do what was right for Elise. And for Elliot.

Everything he'd said today was true. And she knew that he would never forgive her. She knew she had no right to expect his forgiveness; none at all. But when she saw him squatting down on the floor with their daughter wrapped around him, she wanted to join them. To tell him how much she still loved him and how much she had missed him.

She had no right.

She swiped at her eyes and blew her nose. She knew she was a mess, and she didn't want Elise to see her like this. She knew Don would be bringing her back any minute, and she wondered where Elliot was.

She stood up and looked in the mirrored glass, trying to clean up her running mascara so she didn't scare her daughter. She heard a knock at the door and she turned, tucking her hair behind her ear and putting on a brave smile.

Her smile faded when she saw Elliot walk through the door. She swallowed hard, not sure what to expect.

"We need to talk." He said.

She nodded, hearing the coldness in his voice. She didn't say anything. She was going to let him lead the conversation because she knew there was nothing she could say that was going to make this OK, and because she wasn't sure what was on his mind.

She watched as he shifted his weight back and forth, refusing to look at her. She could tell he was coiled like a snake, ready to strike, and she mentally steeled herself for the verbal assault she knew was coming.

The silence in the room was deafening as she waited. Finally, she couldn't take it any longer.

"Elliot." She said softly.

That was all it took to break his silence. He looked up at her, and Olivia saw so much hatred in his eyes that she visibly shrank back from him. She had seen that look so many times before, but it had never been directed at her, and it made her realize just how much damage she had caused.

"Shut up." He said angrily. "You had four years to talk and you said nothing. So now it's my turn."

Olivia's breath hitched slightly but she bit her tongue.

"I am so angry with you right now that I don't even know what to say to you." He spat out. He looked up at her and saw her staring back at him, anguish on her face and despair in her eyes. "Did you lose your goddamned mind? What part of you ever thought that this was a good idea? That any of this would be OK?"

Olivia didn't say a thing; she knew she had to let him rant and get his anger out.

"I'm sitting upstairs, listening to my daughter sing and watching her color a picture and I realized that I don't even know her middle name or exactly how old she is. I don't know my own daughter's birthday."

"She'll be four in a couple of months." Olivia choked out, trying to hold back tears. She could see the pain beneath the anger. "March. March 25th."

Elliot took in that information, filing it away. "So you were pregnant when you broke it off with me?"

"No." she said quickly. "I mean…I was but I didn't know it."

"So when you found out you were pregnant, you just decided that I didn't deserve to know and that leaving was the best option?" He paced back and forth, his anger threatening to overwhelm him. He wanted to hit something…anything. "I thought we were happy. I know there were some problems but we were working through them. Things would have been OK. I loved you. And I thought you loved me too. And I know you always wanted a baby. We would have been a family…."

He stopped short, suddenly struck by a new thought. He turned to look at her. "Was that the plan?" he asked. "Did you get pregnant on purpose?"

"What?" Olivia asked.

Elliot saw the confused look on her face. His voice got quiet. "You always wanted a baby. Was that the plan? Get pregnant and leave?" He watched her expression because he never would have thought that of her before. But none of this made sense, and he thought maybe he didn't know her after all. She always been a good actress; a perfect fucking poker face.

"What?" No!" Olivia said. She couldn't believe Elliot would even think that. "I can't believe you'd ever think I'd do something like that!"

Elliot shook his head. "I don't know what you'd do Olivia. Obviously. Because I never would have imagined that the Olivia I knew would have kept my child from me." He ran a hand over his head. "I thought I knew, but now I don't know what to think."

Olivia took a step towards him. "I would never…"

"Never what?" Elliot snapped back at her. "I don't want to hear it Olivia. You hurt me when you ended our relationship…and you broke me when you left. But this…" He saw a tear escape her lower lashes, and it pissed him off even more because she had no right to be upset.

He scrubbed both hands up and down his face and looked up at the ceiling, letting out a frustrated groan. He bit down on his bottom lip and then looked back at her.

"Here's what's going to happen." He said, forcing himself to talk in an even tone despite the anger still boiling beneath the surface. "I'm going to go get my daughter and I'm going to take her out to get something to eat."

Olivia started to panic slightly at the thought of him taking Elise anywhere. She had an irrational fear that he wouldn't bring her back, even though she knew he wouldn't do anything like that.

"You can't just take her." She protested. "She doesn't even know you."

"And whose fault is that?" he snapped back at her.

Olivia didn't respond, even though she hadn't meant it like that. "Can I come along? We need to talk…we need to figure things out."

"I can't talk to you anymore."

"But…"

"I swear to God Olivia, don't push me right now. I just found out I have a daughter and that the woman I thought I loved more than anything in this world kept her from me. I don't even know what to do with that, but you're lucky there's not a fucking hole in this wall right now." He took a step towards her. "I would never hit a woman. But my God, this is the first time I've wanted to." He turned his back to her and stared walking towards the door. He put his hand on the knob and then turned back to look at her. He could see the tears running freely down her face and it made him pause a second because he'd seen Olivia cry more today than he had in the almost 8 years he had known her. But he just couldn't find it within himself to care right now.

He knew Don was right and that they had to figure out how to move forward for Elise's sake, but he just couldn't imagine how they were going to get past this…how he was going to get past this all-consuming anger.

"I'm sorry." She rasped out. "I'm so sorry." She repeated it because she didn't really know what else she could say. There was nothing she could do to change history…to undo what had been done. Whatever was going to happen was completely up to Elliot; she had no control.

"Let me talk to her for a minute. Please." She asked quietly. "I want to tell her what's going on. She won't understand if you just take her."

Elliot let out a heavy sigh and then nodded. Olivia swiped at her cheeks. She grabbed Elise's coat off the couch and walked past as Elliot opened the door. She looked up and saw Munch and Fin pretending to be busy at their desk, and she wondered how much they had heard. Elliot hadn't been particularly quiet. She looked up and saw Don and Elise standing at the railing, and Elise squealed with she saw Olivia.

She came tearing down the stairs so quickly that Olivia was scared she was going to tumble down them. She rushed over and caught her on the last few steps. Olivia sat down on the bottom step and tugged Elise onto her lap. Elise threw her arms around her neck.

"Mommy you're still sad."

Olivia broke into a smile, trying to ease Elise's concern. The two of them spent so much time together that she was so attuned to every mood of her mother's. She was a smart, empathetic child and Olivia hated that she couldn't hide her emotions from her. "I'm fine honey." She changed her voice, trying to make it lighter. "You know what?" she asked. "Daddy wants to take you out to lunch!" she said, motioning over towards Elliot who was standing by his desk. "Won't that be fun?"

"Can we go to McDonald's?" she asked, looking over at Elliot.

Olivia looked at Elliot, shaking her head.

"Sure." Said Elliot. "We can go to McDonald's."

Olivia gritted her teeth, knowing he agreed to spite her.

"Come on honey." Elliot said, holding out his hand. "Let's go."

Olivia gave her a hug and then started to lift her off her lap and set her on the ground. "You have a good time."

Elise tugged on her hand. "Come on Mommy."

Olivia put her hands on Elise's small shoulders. "Daddy wants to have lunch with you all by yourself. Would that be OK?" She saw the pout starting to form. "I've got some stuff to do here so I'll wait here for you and then after that we'll go to the hotel and swim in the pool, OK?"

Elise jumped up and down and clapped her hands. "I want to go swimming."

Olivia smiled and gave her a hug. She slipped her coat over her arms and stuck her hat on her head. "OK then. Go with Daddy and I'll see you in a little while."

Elliot walked over and held out his hand. Elise looked at Olivia and she nodded at her, letting her know it was OK. Elise reached up and put her hand in Elliot's and Olivia watched as they walked out of the squad room together. Seeing them together tugged at her heart, and she felt the weight of every single day that Elliot had missed with her.


	3. Chapter 3

Elliot was sitting across from Elise as she ate her lunch, and just took her in while she was eating, chatting away like little girls do. He was absolutely enchanted with her. She seemed wiser than her years. She was smart and funny and stubborn as hell.

When they'd gotten out of the precinct, he realized he had no idea where a McDonalds was and he didn't have a car seat for the car, so he tried to talk her into going someplace close. He saw the pout form on her face and could already tell he was going to be in for a battle. He didn't want to get into a power struggle with her on their first outing so he flagged a cab and directed him to the closest McDonalds. And here they were.

She looked up at him and gave him a smile and he swore his heart stopped for a moment because it was her mother's eyes he saw. He felt a sadness wash over him as he thought about how things could have been different. Between he and Olivia and he and his daughter.

So much time lost.

 _Olivia._ He didn't really believe that she had gotten pregnant on purpose with the intent to leave. Despite what he said, he knew her. He understood her better then she understood herself sometimes, and he knew her insecurities. It had plagued him throughout their relationship. Even in their partnership. She always made his family a priority more than he did.

He hadn't been surprised when she'd broken things off because of his kids. But he really had expected them to work it out. He couldn't believe it when Cragen told him that she had put in her papers. He had started firing a million questions at Cragen, but when he had no answers, Elliot had raced over to her apartment. But she was already gone.

Now he knows why…and she's sitting right across from him.

He doesn't know if he can ever forgive her, but he understands what she was thinking at the time. She was wrong…dead wrong. But Olivia never understood how much he loved her. She never thought she deserved it for some reason and it always frustrated him.

He felt himself getting riled up again and he took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"So Elise, who's your favorite princess?" he asked.

"Ariel!" she said and Elliot smiled, remembering these days with his other daughters. It seemed that they all went through the same cycle of princesses.

"Oh, she's my favorite too." He said, and Elise got a big grin on her face.

"Mommy likes Belle." She said. "But I think she's going to like Ariel pretty soon." She said.

Elliot laughed. "So what kinds of things do you and Mommy like to do?" he asked, wanting to get a small glimpse of their life.

"We make cookies and we color and we have arts and crafts day. And we like to go swimming and we play dress up."

Elliot had to laugh again because some of those things he just couldn't imagine Olivia doing. Elise was still rambling on about the things they liked to do.

"But Mommy doesn't like to watch TV." She said, making a pouty face. "I only get to watch one movie a day and sometimes I want to watch one more and she says no." she looked up at Elliot. "I don't like that and then I get mad and then Mommy makes a funny sound and says she's the boss."

Elliot had only been around the girl for a few hours, but he couldn't imagine when those two locked horns. She was definitely her mother's child.

"Yeah, well she used to tell me that sometimes too." He said. "And it would make me mad too."

Elise smiled at that and went back to eating her lunch. "Mommy doesn't like McDonald's either." She said.

"Well, this is a special occasion." Elliot said. Elise wrinkled up her nose and Elliot realized that maybe she didn't know what that meant. She was so well spoken he forgot she was not even four yet. "I mean it's a special treat." He clarified and she smiled.

"Elise." He said. "Would you like it if we got to see each other sometimes?"

"Aren't you coming to live with us?" she asked. "My friend Clare's Mommy and Daddy live together." She said, looking at him brightly.

Elliot smiled and chuckled to himself. This little girl was too smart for her own good. "Tell me more about your friend Clare. And your other friends. And your school." He said, leaning forward. He had a lot to catch up on.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia sat up in the break room and caught up with Fin and Munch. She had missed them so much and it felt great to be back amongst friends. She told them about Elise and her new life, and she breathed a sigh of relief that neither one of them seemed to judge her for what she had done. Or if they did, they kept it well hidden. She had enough on her plate with Elliot.

She kept looking at her watch, waiting for them to come back. She didn't know why she was so nervous. It wasn't as if she thought he wouldn't bring her back. She thought maybe it was because it had been her and Elise for so long, and now she was a little scared about how they were going to go forward with Elliot in their lives. She knew that he'd probably never forgive her, but she hoped they could get to a place with there could co-parent Elise in relative harmony.

The thought of sending Elise for weekend with Elliot were unimaginable…there were a lot of adjustments coming in their lives. But she knew it was best for Elise.

Fin and Munch got called out and Olivia walked down to get herself a cup of coffee. She had just poured it when she heard Elise chattering in the hallway. She smiled because she wasn't sure where that particular trait had come from. The child was talking and singing all the time.

Olivia looked at her watch, and saw they'd only been gone for about an hour and a half and she let out a sigh of relief. She had been prepared for them to be gone all afternoon.

"Mommy!" Elise yelled as she came into the squad room and saw Olivia.

Olivia bent down and picked her up, holding her close and pressing a kiss in her hair. "I missed you." She whispered to her.

Olivia looked up at Elliot and saw him watching them.

"She wanted to come back." He said, walking over to his desk and dropping the keys on his desk. They'd been having a nice lunch but then she said she missed her mommy and she wanted to go and even though he wanted to spend more time with her, he knew he had to take things slowly.

Olivia hesitated. She wasn't sure what to do or say. He wasn't looking at her and she wasn't sure if he was even talking to her.

"El." She said and Elliot looked up, but then realized she was talking to Elise. "Go say goodbye to Papa Don. We're going to go home." She was physically and emotionally drained and she just wanted to get home and escape into their sanctuary.

Elise wiggled out of her arms and ran over to Cragen's office and once again, Elliot realized that she had been here before and he felt another stab of jealousy.

He looked up at Olivia. "We have to talk." He said, and then looked back down at his desk. "I assume Cragen has your number."

Olivia knew he was digging the knife in a little deeper, but again, she bit her tongue. "Yeah." She said quietly.

Elliot let out a heavy sign and then turned as Elise and Cragen walked out of his office.

"Everything OK?" Cragen asked, knowing it was anything but, but wanting to make sure they stayed civil in front of Elise.

Olivia gave him a tight smile and motioned for Elise to come to her. "We have to go. We'll talk to you soon."

Elise turned and waved at Elliot and walked out the door with her mother.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia was happy to be home. Luckily, Elise had fallen asleep and it had been quiet all the way home. It gave her some time to think about everything that had happened, and what she wanted to happen next. She decided that she had leave the ball in his court. He needed time to work through everything and she would wait for him to contact her.

She had carried Elise inside and miraculously, she stayed asleep. She poured herself a glass of wine and sat out on the small porch, recalling the things Elliot had said. She took a deep breath, trying to push those memories out. She didn't want to be upset when Elise woke up, and she knew she was going to have to put on a poker face in dealing with him from now on. For Elise's sake.

It was going to be so hard. Harder than she thought.

The thought she was over him, but how wrong she had been. The minute she had seen him, she realized what a fool she had been. She'd never be over him. There was no other man for her, and there never would be.

She took another sip of wine and then leaned back and closed her eyes, remembering a happier time.

 _She woke up with Elliot wrapped around her and she smiled because the morning sunshine was streaming through the windows, and it was the first time Elliot had stayed overnight. There had been a lot of push and pull in the first few weeks after Gitano. After they realized what they had done…and tried to decide what they were going to do about it._

 _They had dinner the night before and she saw a side of Elliot she had never seen before. He told her things she never expected to hear from him. He told her how long he'd had feelings for her, and how much he had always hated it when she dated…which made her laugh. He told he that he loved her more than he had ever loved anyone in his life and that he wanted to be with her, no matter the consequences. She had been shocked into silence, and then made her own confession._

 _They couldn't get back to the apartment fast enough, and their entire night had been amazing. It was as if there was nothing holding them back anymore; no fear of the other one leaving. And then she had agreed to let him stay overnight. Another first._

 _And now they had a whole free day ahead of them. A day to do what other couples did; the people she had watched and envied for years. She was so happy, feeling an overwhelming sense of peace._

She opened her eyes then, knowing she had to keep those memories where they belonged. In the past.

EOEOEOEOEO

A week went by before he felt calm enough to reach out to her. He'd been rethinking everything that had happened, and had finally given up trying to apply any kind of logic to what had happened. It didn't matter; he would never get those four years back.

But he knew what he wanted going forward, and that was to have a relationship with his daughter. He had to figure things out with Olivia, and he had to figure out how he was going to tell his kids that they had a little sister. He was glad they were old enough to understand now, because four years ago, they apparently hadn't been able to deal with he and Olivia being together.

To this day, he doesn't really know how much of it was Kathy. He expected she was a large part of it, and that was the reason they were barely civil to each other. They got along just well enough to present a good front for the kids. To get along at birthday parties and graduations and holidays.

And even though she was the mother of his children, he resented the hell out of her for playing on Olivia's insecurities and driving her to call things off.

Olivia answered on the third ring, and he was actually surprised to hear her voice. He didn't really think she would answer.

Her voice was breathy when she answered. "Hello?"

He almost laughed because he was so used to her patented answer. "You don't answer _Benson_ anymore?" he asked, unable to resist.

He could hear an audible sigh from her end, as if she was appreciative at the small attempt at humor.

"No, I guess I dropped that when I moved here." She said, not even realizing she had until he brought it up.

"How's Elise?" he asked, determined to keep the conversation focused on her.

"She's good. She keeps asking me when you're coming to visit." Olivia said. Elise had been driving her nuts with questions about Elliot all week. "She said you promised to come to our house."

Elliot recalled the conversation with Elise in the break area. "I want to see her." He said. He didn't have a plan yet; wasn't ready to talk to Olivia about how he thought things should be. So he figured he would just take it one day at a time, get to know her, and try to get over his anger and frustration with Olivia.

"I was thinking about that." Said Olivia. She had been worried about this conversation all week. "I think that you need to get to know her a little better before you just take her for a day or something." She had been really worried that he would want to take her into the city and keep her for the day, or worse yet, a weekend. And while she knew that Elise was pretty easy going and probably would be OK with it, she didn't know if she could survive it. She took in a deep breath. "So I was thinking that maybe you could come up in the late afternoon on Saturday and stay for dinner and part of the evening." She offered.

Elliot was quiet for a minute. He knew she would probably be more comfortable at home and he thought it might be good to get to know her in a place where she was comfortable. Plus, he was anxious to see where they were living.

"OK." He said. "I think that's a good idea."

Olivia was surprised he agreed; she had been prepared for a battle. "Um. OK. So…why don't you come over any time after 3."

"OK. See you then." Elliot said. He almost felt like he should thank her for inviting him over but then he remembered why they were in this mess and hit disconnect on the phone.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia's nerves were making her feel ill as she waited for Elliot to arrive. She hadn't told Elise that he was coming because she didn't want to field endless questions, so they were doing what they often did on Saturday afternoons. Crafts.

Olivia had to laugh sometimes. If anyone could see her now, they never would recognize her. She had a large center island in her kitchen and it was currently covered with scraps of paper, crayons, paints and glue sticks. She really enjoyed spending these quiet Saturday afternoons with her. They usually played some music, but she kept it off today, wanting to hear Elliot's car in the driveway.

She ended up missing it anyway because she and Elise were singing songs from one of her favorite princess movies and Olivia had to shush her when she heard a loud knock on the door. She looked at Elise and realized her daughter had no idea how her life was about to change. Before she could stop her, Elise was off her stool and running for the door and Olivia followed her quickly.

Elise threw open the door and squealed with delight when she saw Elliot standing there. Olivia ushered him in and Elise could barely contain herself. She grabbed Elliot's hand and started dragging him towards the kitchen, telling him that she wanted to show him what she was working on. Elliot grinned at her enthusiasm and he actually gave Olivia a little smile and shrugged his shoulders as he allowed her to pull him into the house.

Olivia let out a breath slowly and stood in the foyer, her nerves lessening a little at seeing Elliot's mood. She hesitated a moment, trying to decide if she should leave them alone or join them. She really wanted to see Elliot; to talk to him and see how he was processing everything. In the end, she gave in and walked into the kitchen. She saw Elliot sitting on the stool next to Elise, paying rapt attention as Elise explained the project to them and started handing him pieces of paper and a glue stick so he could make his own.

She smiled at the sight, and quickly put a hand over her face to hide it. "I see you're all set." She said. "Can I get you something to drink?"

Elise looked at him. "We have juice boxes." She said.

Elliot looked at Elise and then up at Olivia. "I'm fine." He watched her for a second, and could see that she looked uncomfortable. He couldn't help but think how good she looked, just like she had at the station. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a light blue sweater, and her hair was down. She looked relaxed…happy. And he had no doubt that this little girl sitting next to him had everything to do with that.

He focused his attention back on Elise, and he saw Olivia walk out of the room in his peripheral vision. He didn't know where she went, but he was thankful to have some time alone with her. They worked on crafts for at least an hour and then Elise dragged him upstairs to her room.

He smiled when he saw the girly room…completely decorated in pink and purple and ruffles. Apparently Elise was a fan of Disney and princesses, and he was surprised to see such a little princess raised by someone that was such a badass in her daily life.

Well, _was_ a badass. He realized that he didn't really know her anymore. Motherhood had obviously changed her. In good ways he assumed, because he had to admit, Elise was amazing. Olivia had given up everything she loved for her, and had done a damned good job raising her.

Elise pulled out a pile of books and she crawled in Elliot's lap as he leaned against the bed, and asked him to read to her. That's where Olivia found them an hour later. He looked up and saw her standing in the doorway.

"Dinner's ready when you're done with the story." She said. But she didn't move as Elliot went back to reading. Elise was obviously in heaven as she curled up on Elliot's lap, and despite how it happened, she was glad that Elise was getting to spend time with him.

She turned and went back down to the kitchen, and Elliot and Elise came down just a few minutes later. Elise directed the conversation at dinner, and for once Olivia was happy she was so chatty. She told Elliot about Ariel and the adventures of the Little Mermaid and she had to give him credit because he acted like he had never heard it before.

If she wasn't already in love with this man, she would love him for how he was with their daughter alone. They were clearly carrying on a small love affair of their own, and it made her feel horrible for all of the years he had missed.

She insisted on cleaning up the kitchen while they went and watched The Little Mermaid and when the movie was over, it was time for bed. Olivia loved her nighttime ritual with Elise, but she let Elliot help her with her bath and pajamas and they both read her a story before she went to bed.

Elise wrapped her arms around Elliot's neck when he leaned in to give her a kiss, and she asked him to stay with her for a little while. Olivia was pretty strict about bedtime, and didn't like to coddle her too much, but she let Elliot decide. When he looked at her, she shrugged her shoulders and he told Elise he would stay for a little while. He sat on the edge of the bed and she rolled over and Olivia saw him start to rub her back.

She leaned over and gave Elise a kiss and then went back downstairs. When Elliot came down about a half an hour later, she was curled up on the couch with a throw over her lap and a movie on the TV. She lowered the volume, not quite sure if he was even going to talk to her. When she thought back over the day, they really hadn't had any kind of direct conversation; Elise had been with them the entire time.

Elliot found her in the small family room, and he stood awkwardly in the door. Olivia didn't know if she should invite him to sit down or not. But before she could say anything, he spoke up.

"She's a great kid." He said quietly.

Olivia gave him a small smile. "She is." She said. "A little stubborn sometimes."

"That surprises you?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, and she saw something that may have been the beginning of a smile cross his face.

She shook her head. "No."

Elliot stood up, pushing himself off the doorframe. "Well, I'm going to head out. Thanks for letting me spend the day here." He said. "I think it went well."

Olivia suddenly didn't want him to leave, which surprised her because she had been so nervous about him being there. She wasn't under any illusion that he had forgiven her. This last few minutes was the most he had spoken directly to her, and she knew neither of them was prepared for any kind of deep conversation.

She stood up and followed him to the door. He opened it up and kind of loitered there, and she knew he wasn't quite sure what to say either.

"Do you want to come back next Saturday?" she asked, suddenly feeling bold.

He looked at her for a moment. "Yeah. I'd like that." He said.

And then he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Hi readers! I have to say that I am pleasantly surprised at the reaction to this story. I didn't think anyone would like it, so I appreciate the comments you have left. As you read this, I want you to know that I am posting this from 30,000 feet in the air, flying over the U.S. So enjoy this chapter and leave a review so I have some to read when I land! Thanks.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot went back the next Saturday, and the followed pretty much the same routine. He left without saying too much to her, and Olivia found she was disappointed. He seemed pleasant enough while he was there, but she still had no idea where she stood with him.

Two more Saturdays came and went, and the routine never varied except for the things he did with Elise. Sometimes they did crafts, sometimes they played dress-up, sometimes they played games or did a puzzle. Elise loved it all. And so did Elliot and Olivia.

When he was about to leave on that fourth Saturday, Olivia screwed up her courage.

"Would you like to stay for a little bit? Maybe have a beer or a glass of wine?" she asked, nerves racing through her.

Elliot hesitated. He had avoided any prolonged discussions with her so far, and he wasn't sure he was ready to start now.

"I don't know." He said honestly.

"I just want to talk to you about Elise birthday. It's coming up in a couple of weeks and…" She wanted to talk to him about it because she wanted to have a little party. Invite Elise's friends from school, but also Cragen, Munch and Fin. And of course she wanted Elliot there. But she wasn't sure what he had been telling the squad about Elise and his visits.

"I guess I could have one beer." He said, toeing off his shoes again and walking into the living room.

Olivia hopped up off the couch but he waved her off.

"I'll get it." He'd gotten pretty comfortable at Olivia's helping himself to drinks and snacks and even helping with dinner one night.

He wandered back into the living room with an open beer in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. "Want a refill?" he asked, waving the bottle of wine.

She shook her head. She didn't drink that much anymore, and the last thing she needed was to get tipsy around Elliot.

Elliot looked at the other end of the couch where she was sitting but then opted to sit in the oversized chair. It struck her that it was odd that you could have the most intimate relationship with someone, and then find it awkward to be in the same room.

'So, what did you want to talk about?" he asked. Getting right down to business.

"I want to have a little birthday party for her here at the house. Three weeks from now. I've told her she could invite three friends, but I wanted to invite Fin and Munch and Cragen. At least Cragen." She said, letting him know that the others were negotiable. "And of course you should be here."

"OK." He said, taking a drink of his beer.

"OK?" she mimicked him. "Meaning what?"

"Meaning OK, I'll be here." He said. "Of course I'll be here."

"What about Munch and Fin?" he asked.

"That's fine." He said. They had asked about Olivia and Elise of course, and he had shared some information on his Saturday visits. And he knew that Olivia talked to Cragen on a regular basis.

"Is there anyone else you want to invite?" She asked. She didn't know if he had told anyone else about Elise yet. Kathy or the kids. He hadn't asked to take Elise anywhere, seeming content to come to the house and spend time with her. But she assumed it was only a matter of time until he asked to take her into the city for a weekend.

"No." He said. He opened his mouth as if there was something else he wanted to say, but he closed it again. He took another drink of his beer and looked at the bottle as he lowered it.

"She's a great kid Liv."

Olivia smiled because she couldn't agree more. Somehow she had lucked out and managed to do a better job at mothering than her own mother had done

"You're a good Mom" he said, still not looking at her. "She adores you"

"Yeah, well, she'll grow out of it" Olivia joked, never comfortable with compliments.

Elliot looked up at her then. "I'm serious Olivia. She's happy and healthy and smart and funny and it's obvious that she feels safe and secure."

"Thank you."

"And despite this fucked up situation and my right to spend time with her, I'm just trying to be cautious. I don't want anything to mess that up."

Olivia nodded. She appreciated that more than he could ever know. It meant he wasn't going to try some bullshit move, like using her deception against him to get custody of his daughter

As if reading her mind, he spoke up again. "I haven't told anyone else about her yet." She hated that she was still transparent to him, but glad she had an answer on that subject

"I don't know why." he said, letting out a heavy sigh. He scrubbed a hand over his head. "I guess I'm just being selfish and want her to myself for a while."

Olivia nodded. The decision was his to make. "Well, for what it's worth, El will be excited to find out she has sisters and a brother." She laughed. "She keeps asking me if we can get one." Like you could just walk down to the store and pick one out.

Elliot cracked a small smile, imagining that conversation. He realized that he had no idea if Olivia had anyone in her life. He hadn't seen any indication of it or heard Elise talk about spending time with any man.

"And what did you tell her?" He asked, hoping she wasn't reading between the lines.

But of course, she was. They'd always been able to and it seemed nothing had changed.

"I'm not seeing anyone Elliot. And I don't plan on it. So...no brothers or sisters except for your kids."

The thought actually made Elliot a little sad, because it was clear that Olivia was an excellent mother and that motherhood suited her. He decided to leave it alone.

"So do you want to tell me what your kids are up to?" She asked, wanting to steer the conversation into safer territory.

"Not really". He said, shutting her down. He had agreed to talk to her about Elise and that was as much as he could do right now. He saw the look of disappointment on her face but he couldn't sit here any longer and pretend that he still wasn't angry with her. He was genuinely grateful that she had invited him to spend time with Elise here but he was still hurting. The wound ran deep and she had to know that. "I'd better get going." He said and he got up from the chair.

He set the empty beer bottle on the coffee table and walked towards the door. Olivia didn't get up this time and walk him to the door, still stinging a little from the abrupt way he had ended the conversation. When he had his shoes on he looked up at her and saw her looking down at her hands in her lap. He felt a small pang of guilt then, wondering if she was lonely. But then he remembered that all of this was on her. She had made her decision

"I'll call you about next weekend." he said. And then he was gone

EOEOEOEO

Olivia got a call from Elliot on Wednesday, and she could tell he was in the car. She wondered if his new partner was with him, and what he might have told him about her and their days as partners.

"I can't come up this Saturday." he said and she felt a crushing disappointment. She had come to look forward to his visits just as much as Elise had. Even though he was still upset with her, it was nice just to have him around. "Dick's basketball team made it to the state tournament and they have a game on Saturday afternoon. I want to be there."

"Oh. Elise will be sad." she said.

"Yeah, well I was thinking that maybe I can pick her up from preschool on Friday and take her home and then we will be there when you get home from work. I took the afternoon off so I can be up there by 2 or so." He actually had no idea about Olivia's schedule. Maybe she was home early every day

Olivia hesitated because this was another step forward. Another disruption to their family life. But she knew this was how things were going to go for a while. "Of course. Elise will like that. She wants you to see her school and meet her teacher." Elise had been bugging her about that earlier in the week. Well actually, she had asked Olivia about that and when her daddy was going to come live with them, but she wasn't going to share that information with him.

"Ok good." He said. He hadn't been expecting any pushback. He knew that Olivia understood he wasn't going to accept much of that from her, but he did appreciate that she was being accommodating. "How about Elise and I make dinner for you?" He asked, offering a small olive branch.

"That's sounds good." She said. "I'll text you the address of her preschool and I'll let them know you're picking her up."

"Ok see you Friday." He said and hung up the phone

Olivia let out a sigh. Just hearing his voice on the phone brought back many memories. They were flooding back with increasing regularity with his weekly visits and she found herself wishing they could get back to what they had once had. But she knew that they couldn't, and that it was her doing.

But that didn't make her want him less.

EOEOEOEOEO

It has been an exhausting day and It was kind of nice to be able to go straight home. For the first four years of Elise's life, she had been her sole caregiver and as much as she loved it, it could be exhausting sometimes.

She walked in the front door and could hear Elliot and Elise talking in the kitchen. She set her keys on the table in the foyer and set her bag down. Her heels clicked on the hardwood floor as she walked into the kitchen.

"I'm home" she said, interrupting the conversation. Elise hopped off the stool and ran over to where Olivia was standing. Olivia scooped her up and have her a big hug, sneaking a look at Elliot.

He was standing at the island and she couldn't help wishing he would walk over and give her a hug and a kiss. The man looked good in dark jeans and a white T-shirt. The body on that man…it should be a sin.

When her eyes met his, she could see that he was giving her a once over and she felt self-conscious in her skirt and heels.

"I had to be in court today." She said, setting Elise down and dropping her blazer on the stool.

"You look nice." he said and then turned his attention back to the salad he was making. He took in a deep breath because _damn_ , she looked better than nice. Her bare legs were peeking out from that skirt and the muscles in her calves looked damn good in those heels. She was wearing a deep blue silk blouse and while it didn't show a lot of cleavage, it was more fitted than anything he'd seen her in over the past month of visits.

He couldn't help thinking about her lying naked in his bed; her tan skin in stark contrast to his white sheets. He could envision her full breasts and flat stomach. And that mouth, curved into a salacious smile, just for him. He felt a rush of heat through his body and he knew he had to stop thinking about her or he was going to be in trouble. Apparently his body hasn't gotten the message from his brain. The message that said they weren't together anymore. That he was angry with her.

Olivia saw that Elliot has turned away from her, but not until after he had checked her out. She took that as a good sign. Maybe he was softening a bit. And while she knew she wasn't owed forgiveness, and that things between them could most likely never be the same, she would welcome a friendship with the man.

"I'm going to go change." she said. She caught Elliot looking back at her as she turned to leave the room and she wondered if he was looking at her ass like he used to. It made her want to put a little more sway in her hips but she refrained. But she did smile.

EEOEOEOEO

Dinner was simple spaghetti, but it was delicious and Elise was tickled to surprise her with a cake that she and Elliot had baked for dessert. She raises an eyebrow at him, surprised that he knew anything about baking.

"It wasn't that hard." he said, downplaying the effort. "And Elise did the hard part." He said with a smile. Olivia assumed she was talking about the frosting because it was pink, spread on thickly and unevenly and covered with sprinkles.

"It looks scrumptious." Olivia said. She ran her finger over the frosting and dabbed some on Elise's nose. Elise giggled and Elliot laughed and Olivia felt like it was the closest to normal the three of them had been in a long time.

"Mommy look!" Said Elise, pointing out the window. "It's snowing out! Can we go out and play?"

Olivia looked over at Elliot and then back at Elise. "Let's have dessert and then we can."

They came in an hour later, soaked to the skin due to making snow angels and a snowball fight and they were laughing in the foyer as they took off their jackets and gloves. Olivia marveled at how easy things seemed when it was the three of them. It was like Elliot forgot he was angry with her and things were just normal. It was after Elise went to bed that things always got awkward.

She looked up at him and smiled and Elliot grinned back at her.

"OK El" he said. "Let's get you in a warm bath while Mommy takes a shower."

Olivia looked at him in surprise. She noticed that while he rarely called her by her nickname anymore, he had picked up her use of Elise's. And did he just suggest she go take a shower?

"What? You're soaked. Go take a hot shower. It's not like I haven't given her a bath before."

"I know. I just..." She didn't know what she was going to say. She wasn't used to him doing something nice for her. She wasn't quite sure how to respond, so she just accepted it and headed off towards her room.

"Take your time" he said. He knew she didn't get much time to herself, plus he liked having time alone with Elise. Olivia had given them plenty, but he always craved more.

When Olivia got out of the shower, she could hear Elise splashing in the tub. She went downstairs and curled up on the couch, pulling a throw over her lap. She turned on the TV and found an old movie. Elise came downstairs about twenty minutes later, dressed in her Ariel nightgown. She crawled on to Olivia's lap and snuggled into her body. Olivia wrapped her arms around her daughter and inhaled the smell of her shampoo.

"I like having Daddy here." Elise said. "Why can't he live with us?" She asked

"I like having Daddy here too sweetie. But sometimes that's just how it works and I can't do anything about it right now." She strives to always be honest with her; at least as honest as you can be with a three-year-old.

Elise yawned. "But that's not fair." She said.

Olivia felt a pang of guilt at her daughter's words because she was right. It wasn't fair to her and it was all Olivia's fault. She kissed her hair and hugged her tight. "I know baby and I'm sorry."

Elliot walked into the room and she wondered how much of the conversation he had heard.

"Come on princess. Let's go to bed." He leaned over and scooped her up and Olivia noticed how small she looked in his arms. Those arms that used to hold her. She's never felt safer then, and she knew Elise would feel the same.

Elliot came back downstairs about fifteen minutes later. "Hey." He said and she muted the TV.

"Hey." She said.

He sat down in the chair and looked over at her. Her hair was damp and curly and she had washed off her make up. He thought she looked beautiful and he felt another small pang of loss.

He was so torn about how to move forward with her. They'd gotten into this rhythm over the last month or so and it had been wonderful. He was really getting to know Elise and he was enjoying the time he spent at the house. But he would be lying if he said he wasn't looking forward to seeing Olivia too. They didn't really have any time alone without Elise, and that allowed them to have relative peace. They were only alone the last ten or fifteen minutes before he left, and their conversations were perfunctory at best.

For her part, Olivia was keeping things pretty low key. She was being very amenable to anything he suggested, she was accommodating and gave him plenty of alone time with his daughter. She was contrite and he knew she was feeling tremendous guilt over what she had done.

And he had to admit that when he thought about it, he was still angry about the entire situation. But as angry as he was, he honestly didn't know what was to be gained by hashing it over again and again. It wasn't going to change anything that had happened. He wasn't going to get to see Olivia pregnant with his child, rub her sore feet or back, or be at the birth. He couldn't ever regain all of the firsts he had missed. First steps, first words…

The last five years were gone forever.

If he was going to be a part of Elise's life, he had to figure out how to get past his anger and forge a different relationship with Olivia outside of just being the mother of his child. They had a lot of years ahead of them. And he missed her. She had been his best friend and confidante. She was the person who knew him better than he knew himself

"It's snowing pretty heavily outside." She said, motioning towards the window. "And it's really blowing."

"Shit. I should get going."

"Or you could stay over." Olivia offered. She quickly realized that it didn't sound right once it came out of her mouth, and she didn't want him to think she was making some kind of awkward proposition. "I have a guest room that rarely gets used." she said quickly.

Elliot raised an eyebrow, really wanting to tease her about her suggestion, but then deciding not to when he saw the look of apprehension on her face.

"I just don't want you to get into an accident." She said quickly. She felt like she was going to blush and she couldn't believe the affect this man still had on her.

"I think that's a good idea. If you're sure you don't mind."

She gave him a small smile. "I wouldn't have offered."

Elliot reached over and snagged the remote off the table. "OK, but we're not going to watch this crap."

Olivia laughed, loving the feeling of it. She always felt like she was on some kind of probation when he was around, wondering when the shoe was going to drop and he was going to decide it was time to hash out the past. But it very clearly wasn't going to be tonight, so she relaxed.

She snuggled down on the couch when she saw him stretch out in the chair and when he settled on a hockey game, she didn't even call him on it. She'd suffer through.

The next thing she knew; someone was shaking her awake.

"Liv." She opened her eyes and saw Elliot's face hovering over her. "Liv, wake up."

"What?" She asked, swiping a hand over her eyes.

"You fell asleep. Games over. Time for bed."

He was still leaning over her and she looked into those icy blue eyes and felt a pang in her lower belly. She wanted to wrap her arms around his neck, pull him down, and press her lips against his. She wanted it so much that she almost couldn't stop herself from actually doing it.

The way he was looking at her, she wondered if he was thinking the same thing, and what he would do if she kissed him. And then he was standing up and the moment was lost. He clicked off the remote and the room was dark except for some light coming in through the front window.

Olivia could see that the snow was still falling and she wondered how long the storm was supposed to last. She climbed off the couch and headed towards the stairs. Elliot followed right behind her and they climbed the steps in silence.

They both peeked in on Elise and as they walked out of her room, Olivia turned right towards the guest room. "There are clean sheets on the bed..."! She started to say and she heard a chuckle from Elliot.

"A domestic goddess." He teased and she stopped short and turned and he almost ran right into her. He took a step back and imagined the look on her face. Luckily she couldn't see the smile on his face in the dark hallway. Who would have ever thought Olivia Benson would be telling him about clean sheets in the guest room?

"Good night Elliot" she said, moving to step around him and back to her room. Elliot placed a hand on her shoulder and stopped her, and her heart skipped a beat. It had been over five years since she'd felt his hands on her and she closed her eyes, feeling the heat of his hand through her t-shirt.

"Thanks Liv. For everything. I mean it." He said quietly, his mouth closer to her ear than she imagined. She could hear a slight tremor in his voice as he said it and she wondered if he was as affected by their proximity as she was.

"Your welcome" she said quietly. And then she pulled away and headed towards her bedroom before she did something stupid.

Elliot watched her shadow as she disappeared into her room and shut the door. He felt a mix of emotions. He had seen something in her eyes when he'd woken her up. She had wanted him to kiss her, and he had wanted to. And now, just touching her had sent his body into overdrive. He wondered what she would do if he went into her bedroom and climbed into bed with her. Kissed her senseless. Pulled down those leggings and trailed his fingers between her folds. He felt himself getting aroused and he had to remind himself of why he was here, sleeping in the guest room. He exhaled slowly, willing his feet to head towards his assigned room.

He climbed into bed but his body was betraying him and he knew he'd by lying awake for a while. He wondered if she was lying awake down the hall. Based on the tone of her voice as she wished him good night and the look he'd seen in her eyes, he assumed she was.

He got a sense of satisfaction out of it because this was her fault. But somehow he couldn't help but feel a sense of sadness over what they had both lost.


	5. Chapter 5

It was the Saturday of Elise's birthday party and she was up early, jumping up and down with excitement. Olivia was excited too because she was anxious to see everyone. Because of Elliot's weekend visits, she hadn't made any trips into the city and Cragen hadn't come up to see them.

Elliot had missed a visit last weekend due to work, and had asked if he could come up Friday night so he'd be there to help with things. So he had stayed over again, like he had two weeks ago. Olivia was grateful because this was the first birthday party she had hosted for Elise, and she wanted everything to be perfect. They had stayed up late decorating the house and making food, and it had been relaxed and easy. But both of them had kept their distance, making sure there were no lingering looks or careless touches and both had fallen into bed, separate beds, in exhaustion.

It was almost noon and Olivia was worried that Elise might actually get sick from excitement. When Don got there Elise jumped into his arms. Olivia had talked to him over the past several weeks, and she knew that there was tension between them for the role he had played in this deception. But she knew they would set it aside for today. Don handed Elise a wrapped gift and she promptly sat down in the floor to open it.

"No!" Olivia said. "You have to wait." She said, snatching the gift from her a little more quickly than she had intended. Don often brought her gifts and she was used to opening them on the spot. She tried to explain why this was different, but she thought Elise was going to have a meltdown right then and there. Thankfully her friend Claire came, and then the other guests started to arrive and it was forgotten.

The girls went off to play in Elise's room and the adults gathered around the center island in the kitchen. Olivia has outdone herself making snacks for the adults and laying hem out in the island, and another set of kids snacks on the kitchen table

She looked around, so happy to see Fin and Munch and Casey. Casey had been the most upset when she found out about Elise; except for Elliot of course. Especially because Olivia had spoken to her over the years and had never mentioned Elise once. The only thing that Casey knew is that she had broken things off with Elliot and had felt the need to get away and start over. She felt grateful that she was here

"I'd love to see a photo of you when you were a little girl because Elise looks just like you Liv." Casey said.

"She's beautiful" said Munch. "She's going to break some hearts".

Fin elbowed him and he shrugged.

"What?"

Elliot spoke up. "She's not going to break any hearts because she's going to be in a convent." He joked and that broke the tension a little.

No one really knew what the situation was between Elliot and Olivia but they assumed they were working it out because they seemed to be on speaking terms.

The afternoon flew by with games and cake and presents and lots of little girls running around the house screaming. Olivia was so happy to have everyone there and that she had this extended family for Elise. She looked over at Elliot, and saw him smiling as he watched Elise open her presents. She knew she had messed up and that she could never give Elliot back the years that were lost, but she was happy he was here now.

The party was a smashing success and Elise was asleep on Elliot's shoulder when they said goodbye to the last of their guests. When Olivia closed the door, she rested her forehead against the door and groaned. She turned back towards Elliot. "I don't think I've ever been this tired." She said.

"You've been more tired plenty of times." Elliot said. "There were times we didn't sleep for days."

The started up the stairs towards Elise's room. "Yeah, I guess you're right. That just seems alike another lifetime." She meant what she said. Her days as a detective in SVU seemed like twenty years ago.

"Yeah." He said, and Olivia could hear a certain wistfulness in his voice.

EOEOEOEOEO

They got Elise out of her latest princess costume (courtesy of Papa Don), and into her pajamas and she never woke up.

"I think she's out for the night." Elliot said.

"Yeah, I think you're right." Olivia agreed. She looked at her watch and saw it was just a little after 6. "I didn't think she was going to help with the clean up anyway." She laughed as they turned out the light and headed downstairs.

Olivia groaned when she walked into the kitchen. There was food and dirty dishes on the table and the island. Wrapping paper and gifts were strewn on the floor. Balloons and streamers still hung around the room.

"This is why I never entertain." She said.

Elliot went over and grabbed a trash bag from under the sink. "It'll go fast." He said.

"You don't have to help." She said. "You can go. You've been here since last night and I'm sure you want to get home." She said.

Elliot started tearing down streamers and throwing them in the bag. "I'm going to help." He said. "No argument."

Olivia wasn't going to argue. She liked having him here, and she would take all the help she could get. She turned on some music on her IPhone and they cleaned up the mess in companiable silence. It went faster than she thought and they were done in no time.

"I'm just going to run up and check on Elise." Elliot said and she nodded. Once he had gone up the stairs, she grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and went into the living room. She sat down with a heavy sigh and took a long drink. It really had been a fun day, and she was really glad that everyone had come. She knew she had some fences to mend, particularly with Casey, but Casey would have to get in line behind Elliot. She was really grateful that he had come over last night and that he had helped with this entire party. She didn't know if she would have been able to do it without him.

She heard him come down the back stairs into the kitchen, and she was surprised when she heard the refrigerator door open. She had expected he would leave right away, especially since Elise was asleep. Even though things were nice when he was there, they still didn't have much alone time. And when they did, the conversation was focused on their daughter. She wondered if they'd ever get past the point they were now.

Elliot wandered into the living room and took his customary positon in the oversized chair. Olivia could hear the music still playing in the kitchen, and she watched him as he took a sip of beer. She wanted to ask him to stay, but she knew she'd be pushing it. She chewed on her bottom lip and watched as he took another sip of beer.

Elliot could see Olivia in his peripheral vision. She was chewing on her bottom lip, and that was a tell-tale sign that she had something on her mind. Something she was debating.

"What is it?" he asked after a few minutes, trying to help her out of her quandary.

Olivia debated about what she was going to say. Things had been so pleasant between them and she didn't want to stir things up, but she felt compelled to share with him.

"Elise and I have another birthday tradition." She said, mentally kicking herself for bringing it up now that it was out.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" he asked, his curiosity piqued.

"We take a photo." She said. "And then we look through her baby book and add information about her birthday and leave a place for the new photo."

"Oh, and you didn't get a photo of her today?" he asked. He didn't know where she was going with this, because he had seen her take at least 100 photos today.

"No." she said quietly. "I was just wondering…I thought…maybe you'd like to see it."

Her words slammed into Elliot as what she was saying hit him. He hadn't even thought about that. When he'd been thinking about all of the years he had lost, it didn't occur to him that her life was well documented; that Olivia would have tons of photos of her as a baby and a toddler. And while that could never make up for what he had missed, it would certainly give him a glimpse into those early years.

He shook his head. "I'd like that." He said, his voice a little hoarse.

Olivia stood up and walked over to a small cabinet next to the TV. She knelt down and looked inside, and pulled out a pale yellow scrapbook. When she stood up, she saw the Elliot had moved over to the couch. She walked over and held the scrapbook out to him, but he shook his head.

"Show me."

Olivia hesitated, her emotions all over the place. Her guilt was overwhelming her and she didn't know if she could go through this book without shedding any tears. Or if Elliot could. Because this scrapbook represented some of the best days of her life. And some of the worst.

She sat down next to Elliot and set the book on her lap. He moved closer to her, so their thighs were touching and she inhaled sharply, surprised by the contact. She moved the book over a little, and opened the first page. She pushed it over so it was more on his lap; she wanted him to be able to see everything.

The first thing Elliot saw was a photo of the little white house they were sitting in now. He saw two rocking chairs on the small porch and he could tell it was late autumn. There wasn't any snow, and very few leaves. Olivia was sitting on the front step with her knees drawn up, wearing leggings and an oversized sweater, and he tried to figure out how far along she was at the time. It would have been just a short time after she left New York, and he wondered if Don had been the one taking the picture.

He saw a handwritten note below it. "Can I read this?"

Olivia nodded. "Of course."

 _This is our new home! It's just you and me baby, but we're going to be a family in this little house and I can't wait to meet you. I want to create lots of special memories with you here, and I'm going to keep those memories here in this book so you'll have them to treasure forever. I love you so much already!_

 _Love, Mommy_

Olivia held her breath while Elliot read the note, wondering if he would be upset at not being mentioned. She had thought about it, but she had no idea what the future would hold. She knew her son or daughter would be reading this book, and she decided to keep the story of his or her conception out of it for now. That was a different conversation for an older child. Another time.

Elliot didn't say anything. He lingered over the note, and she thought he was probably reading it again. He let out a sigh and then turned the page. The next photo he saw was of the nursery. Olivia had painted it a pale yellow and she had taken several photos of the designs and portraits on the wall.

"Did you know you were having a girl?" he asked.

"No. I didn't want to find out." She said. "I had to have a bunch of tests because I was older, and the doctor knew, but he was careful not to tell me."

Elliot turned to the next page and saw a photo of the crib in pieces on the floor, and then another photo of it put together, complete with baby comforter and a mobile with ducks, elephants and giraffes.

"Did you put this together yourself?" he asked.

Olivia pumped her arm, as if to show off her muscles. "Of course I did." She said. "I had to do a lot of things myself." She said wistfully. "I mean…" she wanted to take it back; she didn't mean to make it sound like it did.

"It's OK." Elliot said. "I know what you mean."

He turned the page and she heard his breath hitch. There were two photos of her when she was six months pregnant. She remembered taking the photos that day, wondering if she should and deciding what the hell. She had put the timer on her camera and taken a side shot, fully clothed. Then she had whipped off her shirt so she was standing there in a bra and her leggings, and placed her hands on her belly, looking down at her baby instead of at the camera. She watched as Elliot stared at the photo, tracing his finger over it lightly.

"I would have liked to have been there." He said quietly. "To see you pregnant with our child."

She could hear the emotion in his voice, and the tears were building in the back of her eyes. "I missed you so much. I wanted you there." She confessed. "There were so many times I picked up the phone."

"But you didn't." he said, his voice flat. The emotion gone.

"I kept telling myself that I had done the right thing, and that calling you would be selfish."

"Calling me would be selfish?" he said. "Jesus Olivia. This was my child too."

"I know that. But you were back home and working things out with Kathy and…."

"None of that matters Olivia. This was my _child_. If I wanted to stay with Kathy, I would have. And if I wanted to be with you, I would have left. But that doesn't have anything to do with the fact that I deserved to know that we were bringing a child into this world."

"I didn't want you to feel like you owed me anything. I was worried you would feel like you had to leave Kathy and the kids and I didn't want to do that to you."

"Do you not understand how messed up that is Olivia?" He closed the book and stood up, moving away from her. He took a few deep breaths.

"Are you so fucked up from your childhood that you really don't think you deserve to be loved?" he asked, scrubbing one hand over his head.

Olivia stared at him blankly; she didn't know how to answer that question.

"I loved you Olivia. More than anything in this world. I told you that over and over and I thought that you finally believed me. Those last few months we were together were the happiest of my life."

"But…"

"I know what you're going to say. Was it a mess with the kids and Kathy? Yes, it was. It was all fucked up. But I was determined to make it work. I thought you had faith in us and I thought were going to be together forever." He shook his head. He felt like a broken record because he 'd had this same conversation with her so many times.

"Did you love me?" he asked.

"Elliot…"

"It's a yes or no question Olivia."

She nodded as tears brimmed on her lower lashes. "Yes. More than anything." She said.

"And did you believe that I loved you?"

Tears ran down her face now; it was hopeless to try to keep them in. "Yes."

"Then why would you break things off with me? And what would ever make you think that I wouldn't have been absolutely, positively thrilled about having a baby with you?"

"I couldn't tear you away from your family."

"You're not listening to me!" he said, the volume of his voice escalating. "You were my family too. I wanted to marry you…to be together until we were old and gray. You made that decision for me…for us. And I still can't get over that." He walked into the kitchen and she heard him pound his fists down on the center island, causing the dishes on there to rattle.

"Goddamnit." He yelled to no one in particular. He would never understand what she had been thinking. It would never make sense to him.

He saw her come into the kitchen, but he didn't look at her. He saw her set the scrapbook down on the island. She stood there for a minute before she spoke.

"I know I made a mistake." She said quietly. "I know I made a bad decision. And there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix it. If I could go back in time, I would. But I can't. I can tell you I'm sorry a million times, but that isn't going to change anything." She said. Her voice was calm. "The only thing I can do is make sure that you get to spend time with your daughter, and that she has a relationship with you. Our home is open to you, and I know you'll want to have her spend time with you too. I'm going to do everything in my power to make that easy for you." She swallowed hard. "If it makes it easier for you if I'm not here, I'll figure something out." She took in a deep breath. "I know you're angry. And I know that you may not ever be able to forgive me. I'll have to live with that. But I want you to know that the months we were together were the happiest days of my life. I've missed you terribly, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't regret the decisions I made."

She felt the emotion creeping back into her voice. "So you want to know if I loved you? Yes, I loved you. I still do. You're the love of my life. There's no one else for me." She swiped a tear from her cheek again, angry with herself for crying in front of him. She pushed the book towards him. "Take this and look through it. It's all that I can give you of the years you missed. I'm sorry." She gasped, unable to look at him. She turned and went up the back steps hurriedly, rushing into her bedroom and closing the door quickly. She fell onto the bed and cried until there was nothing left.

Elliot stood in the kitchen, staring at the stairs where she disappeared. Her words were like a knife to his heart because he knew he couldn't get those years back, and he knew there was nothing that either one of them could do about it. But he just didn't know how to get past the anger. He had to figure out a way to let it go. Because she was right; it couldn't be undone.

She still loved him. It didn't shock him to hear her say it, because he still loved her too.

It pissed him off because he didn't understand how he could be so angry with her, and love her all at the same time.

He didn't know that that meant for them.

"You're the love of my life. There's no one else for me." Her words echoed in his head…and in his heart.

He looked back at the stairs. "I feel the same way." He whispered, even though no one could hear him.

 _Thanks for all of the great reviews. Chapter 6 is almost ready….so depending on feedback tonight, maybe I'll post that a little later! Unless I run into a snag._


	6. Chapter 6

When Olivia woke up in the morning, she felt drained. She realized she had cried herself to sleep and her eyes felt swollen. She looked at the clock and couldn't believe that it was almost 8AM. Why hasn't Elise woken her? Usually the little girl came bouncing into her room bright and early and they snuggled for bit before they started their day. Olivia thought Elise must have been more tired than she realized and she climbed out of bed to check on her. She realized that still had her clothes on from the day before and she peeled them off. She pulled on some black leggings and a clean tank top and sweatshirt, planning for a lazy day in the house.

She walked across to Elise's room and frowned when she saw the door was open. She rushed into the room and saw the bed was empty, and she panicked. Her mind was all over the place. Had Elliot taken her in a fit of anger? "No." she told herself. He would never do that. The little girl must have just gotten up and gone downstairs herself. She rushed down the stairs, taking two at a time.

"Elise?" She yelled, trying to keep the panic out of her voice and failing miserably. When she reached the bottom of the stairs she turned to run into the family room and stopped short when she saw Elise curled up in Elliot's lap.

"Mommy!" Elise yelled, a big smile on her face. "Daddy and I are being naughty." she said with a mischievous smile on her little face. "We're watching a movie and eating in the fam'ly room." She said, holding up a bowl of cereal and promptly spilling the dry contents all over her lap. "Daddy said that sometimes we can break the rules." She said giggling. She looked up at Elliot. " Right Daddy?"

"That's right"

"Daddy said you needed to sleep in because you had a rough night." she said. She got a quizzical look on her face. "What's a rough night?"

Olivia couldn't help but smile as she ran her hands over her face and through her hair, relieved to see her daughter safe and sound. And she was surprised as hell to see Elliot siting there with her.

Elliot could see she was still trying to process everything. "I hope you don't mind but I decided to stay over again. I wanted to be here in the morning. In case you wanted to talk." He said, looking deliberately into her eyes.

She blushed slightly, wondering why she had made that admission to him in the heat of the moment last night. She should have just apologized and left it alone. Now he was probably freaked out, wondering how they were ever going to work this out and worried that she was going to act like some lovesick fool around him.

"No, that's fine." She said. She looked away then because she realized she was actually glad he had stayed. "I need coffee." She said, needing an escape plan.

She walked into the kitchen and poured herself a mug. She leaned against the counter and took a sip, wondering what was going to happen next. She noticed that the scrapbook was lying open on the counter. She moved over to the island and saw a note written under "4th Birthday". She recognized Elliot's scrawl and she leaned over to read it.

 _Happy Birthday to my favorite princess. You are the funniest and sweetest little girl I know and I want you to know that no matter what, I love you forever and ever. Love Daddy_

"I hope you don't mind that I wrote in there." Elliot said, startling her. She stood up as he closed the gap between them.

"No. Of course not." Olivia said, leaning back against the counter and taking another sip of coffee. Elliot rested against the island directly across from her

"I'm glad you put that book together. I looked through the rest of it last night after you went to bed."

Olivia raised an eyebrow at him, thankful to him for sparing her from a comment about her dramatic exit.

"You didn't put a lot in there about the actual birth." He said. He had seen more photos of Olivia with a progressively bigger belly, notes to her unborn child, photos of Elise at birth, her first tooth, standing, walking, birthdays and lots of other snapshots in between.

"Yeah well that's not really something you put in the baby book."

"So tell me." He said.

She gave him a look like he was crazy. "You've been through it three times."

"But not with you." He said

Olivia looked at him to see if he was serious, but he didn't move and just looked at her as if waiting for her to start.

"El has always been stubborn and I guess that started Day 1 because she did not want to come out." She started. "My water broke about 2AM and I called Don right away." She wondered if she should have left that part out but he had asked, so she was going to tell him.

Elliot senses her hesitancy. "it's OK Liv. I'm still upset about Cragen's role in this whole thing and he and I are going to have to talk that out. But I can't be sorry that he was here for you and Elise. I'm glad you weren't alone."

Olivia nodded. "Me too because I was terrified." She took another sip of coffee. "So to make a long story short, I got to the hospital about 6AM and I was in labor all day. It was hell and Elise was turned sideways and they kept trying to turn her but she wouldn't budge." Olivia shook her head at the memory of that day. "By the time I finally caved and asked for the epidural it was too late and they told me to start pushing. I pushed for two hours and I was just exhausted. I wanted to give up so many times but they had Don come in and give me a pep talk."

"They finally broke the news to me that they didn't think I could deliver her and they were worried about her and me and they wanted to do a C-section. I was so upset because I couldn't even have a damn baby the right way, but I just needed it to be over. So they gave me the epidural then and rushed me into surgery and she was born a little after midnight on March 25th. 7 pounds. 7 ounces, 22 inches long. You saw the photo Don took. She had lots of dark hair and long lashes."

"from what I can tell, she's always been the spitting image of you." He said.

"I always wished she had your eyes."

"She's beautiful Liv. I'm glad she looks like you." He said. "So how did you manage bringing a new baby home after surgery like that?"

"I stayed in the hospital for an extra day because of course, El was having trouble getting the hang of nursing. And so was I. Don stayed for a day and I had home health nurses come in to help for several days after that. " She smiled at the memory. "There's only so many things I could ask Don to help me with." She laughed. "He was a nervous wreck."

Elliot laughed too because he couldn't envision it at all.

"But then we fell into a rhythm and things worked out and I got over the crying jags and the worries about what the hell I was doing. And here we are." She said.

"Here we are." He echoed. "I'm really sorry you had to go through that alone."

"It was my decision. Why would you apologize for that?" Olivia asked.

"I'm not apologizing." He said. "I just wish you hadn't had to do it alone. No one should have to."

She nodded, just accepting his statement and wondering if she should apologize again for everything that had happened. She wasn't up for another fight, especially with Elise in the next room.

It was as if Elliot read her mind again because the next thing she knew, he had pushed himself up off the counter and had walked the three steps over to where she was standing. He placed his hands on her upper arms and looked into her eyes. "About what you said last night."

Olivia shrugged her shoulders, trying to move away from him, but he held her in place.

"Listen to me." He knew she was probably mortified by her confession to him, but that's not what he was talking about. "I agree with everything you said. We can't go back in time. We can't change what happened now, no matter how much we want to. So I just want to let you know that I'm really, really trying to get over the anger, because I know it's not going to change anything. It's just going to take some time. But it's important because we're going to be spending a lot of time together. So we'll figure it out."

He was staring into her eyes but she looked away. He lifted one hand to her chin and forced her to look up at him. "I really want to thank you for making it easy for me to spend time with Elise. I'm happy with how things are going, and I think we're just going to have to see how things go. I don't want to make drastic changes in her life." He released her chin but she kept her eyes trained on his.

"And for what it's worth Olivia, I've missed you terribly. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't wonder where you were or what you were doing." He slid his hands down her arms and then around her back, pulling her into his body. He felt her body tense as he tried to hug her, but then she relaxed and slid her arms around his waist. She exhaled against his chest, closing her eyes.

Elliot inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of her. They say that smell is one of the strongest triggers of memory and now he knows it's true because he can envision having her wrapped in his arms, sheets tangled around them and he wants….

He wants to be her best friend and confidante again.

He wants to be able to wrap his arms around her after a long day and just get lost in the feeling.

He wants to kiss her until neither one of them can breathe.

He wants to hear her moan his name as she shatters around him.

He wants all of it.

Olivia hears him sigh and can feel his warm breath on her scalp. She feels like she knows everything he's thinking because she feels the same way. She feels like they're making progress. That perhaps that with every day that goes by, they can let the past go and start a future together. Whatever that may be. She wraps her arms more tightly around his waist and she never wants to let go.

The thought had just crossed her mind when the inevitable happened, and she let out a sigh, not wanting the moment to end. Elise padded into the kitchen and walked up to them, wrapping her arms around each of their legs.

"I want a hug." She said, trying to sandwich her little body in between their legs.

Elliot and Olivia loosened their arms slightly, and Elise squeezed in between them. Elliot dropped his hands and reached down and scooped her up and they pressed her between them. "Do we want to make an Ellie sandwich?" he teased, placing a kiss on her nose. Elise squealed with delight and kept repeating _Ellie sandwich_ over and over again, and Olivia shot him a look because she was sure this was going to be something they were going to have to repeat over and over again.

But she realized that she didn't mind because it meant Elliot would have his arms wrapped around her too.

Elliot stepped back then and turned and set Elise down on the center island. He leaned over and peered into her eyes and Olivia walked over to stand next to him. In a move that surprised her, Elliot reached over and placed his hands on her waist and lifted her up, depositing her on the counter next to Elise.

She gasped in surprise, and Elise started laughing and Olivia couldn't help but smile when Elliot gave her a cocky grin. He placed one hand on the counter on either side of them and looked at them both. "So what do my girls want to do today?"

Olivia felt a jolt run through her body at his words. He turned slightly to focus his attention on Elise and she was glad he wasn't looking at her because she was sure her emotions were written all over her face.

"Are you staying with us Daddy?" Elise asked. In the short time that Elliot had been coming to the house, Elise had learned that he would come and he would go, and that he wasn't there to stay. She asked Olivia every once in a while, but had given it up, settling into the new rhythm of their life.

Elliot shot a look over at Olivia and then back at Elise. "If Mommy says it's OK."

"Mommy thinks it's a good idea." Said Elise, making the decision for them.

Olivia smiled. "Fine with me." It was clear that she adored spending time with Elliot and Olivia wasn't going to deny her. Especially because it meant more time for her with Elliot as well.

"How about we all go out to see a movie today?" They really hadn't taken any excursions outside the house and he thought it might be fun.

Elise clapped her hands, practically hopping off the counter with excitement. "Can we get candy?"

"You had so much junk at your party yesterday…" Olivia started.

Elise immediately started pouting. "That's not fair." It seemed to be her favorite line right now. "We always get a treat when we go to the movies."

Olivia looked at Elliot and he had adopted the same pout as his daughter. She shook her head. "You two are incorrigible." She could see a pattern forming; her against them. She smiled and shook her head.

"What does incorgle mean?" Elise asked, struggling to say the big word.

"It means you're going to get candy at the movie." Elliot said, winking at Olivia as he picked his daughter up and twirled her around before setting her on her feet. "Now let's go clean up the mess we made in the family room before your Mom yells at us."

Elise ran into the other room and Elliot started to follow her. As he walked by, Olivia felt bold and grabbed his arm. He stopped and turned towards her, raising an eyebrow. She gave him a small smile, wanting to say so much, but struggling with not wanting to say too much.

Elliot waited to hear what she had to say, but when she didn't spit it out, he coaxed her. "Just say it Liv." He said. "You never used to hold back before. We're past that."

She nodded. "I just wanted to say thank you because I can see how hard you're trying. It would have been so easy to stay angry and to just cut me out. But you're not, and I appreciate it. I feel…" she took in a deep breath. "hopeful."

Elliot wasn't really certain what she meant by that. Hopeful that they could work out a relationship so they could be parents to their daughter? Hopeful that they could rekindle what they lost? At this point, he decided he didn't really care because he was just happy to have Olivia back in his life, not matter what.

"It's going to get better Liv. I don't want to be mad at you. But it's not easy sometimes because things will be going great and then I'll get hit with a reminder of something I missed or whatever, and it makes me mad all over again. I suppose I'll never completely forget what's happened, and there are more challenges ahead." He thought about his kids and Kathy. "But like I said before, I'm trying. Because the only important thing here is her." He nodded his head towards the family room. "I'm going to do my damnedest to make sure she's happy. And that means you and I have to spend time together. We have to keep working things out with each other. And I don't see any reason we can't. I already told you that."

"I know." She said. "And that's why I'm thanking you."

Elliot looked at her for a moment and then gave her a smile. He looked at her sitting there on the counter, and he had the sudden urge to wedge his body in between her thighs and wrap his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to work out. But he knew they weren't there yet. But he hoped they would be…

EOEOEOEO

They had a fun afternoon, taking in a movie and then going out for a burger afterwards. Olivia caught herself watching Elliot and Elise together, and she felt like they were a real family. She had to pull herself back…they weren't a family. But she could enjoy the time they were together.

When they drove home, they listened to Elise singing some kind of song about a turtle, but then it got quiet as she fell asleep.

"You're like a miracle worker." Olivia said. "Because this girl never naps. You wear her out."

Elliot laughed. "Nah. She was just tired out from the party yesterday."

They were quiet for a minute as they drove through the neighborhoods and Olivia could see people turning on the lights inside their homes because it was getting dark out.

"I think I'm going to talk to Kathy tomorrow." He said quietly.

Olivia stayed silent. She knew it would happen, and frankly she was surprised he hadn't talked to her already. She had been so happy with how things had been going, and she was concerned about what kind of disruption there would be when Kathy and the kids knew about Elise. It would probably mean that he'd want to take Elise into the city. No more weekends at her house.

"I can hear you thinking Liv." He said. "Tell me."

"I'm not thinking about anything." She said, staring out the window.

"You think I should wait?"

"It's none of my business." She said. Because it wasn't really. What Elliot chose to tell his ex-wife and his kids was up to him.

"That's not true. This is going to impact your daughter." He said. "Our daughter."

"What am I supposed to say Elliot?" she asked. "I know you have to tell them. It just means I have to be ready for things to change."

"Why do things have to change?" he asked, confused by her statement.

"Well, you're going to want to take her into the city to stay with you and to spend time with your kids." She said. "I'm not saying you can't do that. I'm just saying that it will be different." She wanted to tell him how much she enjoyed having him with them at the house, but she kept that to herself.

"We'll see." He said, turning down her street. "I like coming here and Elise has all of her stuff. I don't want to disrupt her too much."

Olivia smiled, still facing the window. _He likes coming here_. She couldn't stop smiling and she didn't say anything.

"You OK?" Elliot asked, surprised she hadn't answered him.

"Yeah." She turned towards him. "I'm glad you like spending time here."

There was another minute of silence before Olivia spoke again. "Are you nervous about telling Kathy?' she asked. She honestly didn't know how he was going to break the news to her.

"Nervous? No." He said, pulling into her driveway. "I'm just worried I'm going to lose my shit with her."

"What? Why?" Olivia asked.

"Because I've been thinking about it over this past two months, and I realize that she had a pretty big part in our breakup, and in you're leaving."

"El."

"Don't defend her." He said as he turned off the car.

Olivia was silent, not wanting to get into an argument. She climbed out of the car and went to get Elise out of the backseat.

"I got her." Elliot said. He reached in and unbuckled her car seat and scooped her out. She started to wake up a little as they walked into the house. She struggled to get down and she took off her shoes and coat and dumped them in the foyer floor. She grabbed Elliot's hand and tried to tug him into the family room.

"Let's go watch a movie Daddy." She said.

Olivia reached for her arm and pulled her away. "No sweetheart. It's been a long weekend and we're going to take a bath and get to bed early." She said. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she saw the storm brewing. She and Elise had a good routine worked out, and she had learned how to avoid her meltdowns. But there had just been too much this weekend and she was on sensory overload. Olivia saw her bottom lip quiver and she sunk to the ground and then they crying started. She grabbed onto Elliot's hand and started begging him to watch a movie.

Elliot raised an eyebrow and looked at Olivia. "This is new." He said.

Olivia shook her head. "No. It's not. You've just been lucky."

"What should I do?" he said. He hated to watch her crying.

"I'll handle it." She could see that Elliot was weakening and she didn't want him to give in to her. He had already spoiled her quite a bit this weekend and while she didn't mind, enough was enough. She squatted down on the floor next to Elise.

"Elise. Listen to me." She said her voice calm. "We've had a lot of fun this weekend but it's time to take a bath and go to bed." Elise kept crying, not listening to a word she was saying. Olivia pried Elise's hand from Elliot's and scooped her up. Elise was kicking and screaming. Olivia held her tightly. She looked over at Elliot and mouthed the words. "Sorry." She changed her grip on Elise to limit her kicking legs, and carried her screaming up the stairs.

It was almost an hour before she had gotten Elise to calm down, bathed and in bed. She fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow and Olivia knew she was out for the night. It was great to have Elliot with them all weekend, but it certainly threw off their schedule.

She went into her room and pulled off her jeans and her sweater and her bra. She pulled out a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top and pulled them on. She went into her bathroom and washed her face and brushed her teeth, anxious just to relax. She hoped she could find a good movie, and just have some time to think about everything that had happened over the weekend.

She felt like she and Elliot were making some progress, and she was a little nervous about what was going to happen when he told Kathy and the kid about Elise. She ran her fingers through her hair as she walked down the back stairs into the kitchen. She grabbed a bottle of water and walked into the family room.

"Jesus!" she cried as she saw Elliot sprawled out on the couch.

He jumped slightly and opened his eyes and she realized he had been sleeping.

"I thought you left." She said. She recovered quickly. "I mean, it's OK that you stayed."

She realized that Elliot hadn't said anything; he was just lying there looking at her. And suddenly she was self-conscious of her attire.

He was looking at her, trying not to stare. He'd been around her for a couple of months now, and he'd certainly noticed that he body had changed. But it was never more evident than in what she was wearing…or not wearing…right now. Motherhood…or rather giving birth…had definitely added to her curves. He hips were wider and her breasts… _Sweet Jesus_. She'd always had beautiful breasts, but they were definitely bigger and he couldn't help the thoughts racing through his mind right now. He wanted to feel the weight of them in his hands…tease her nipples with his tongue. Her breasts had always been his favorite part of her body, followed closely by her ass. She still had the ass…and those long legs. Her pajama shorts were high up on her thighs and he thought of the times she'd had those long legs wrapped around him. He felt a pang in his lower belly as his eyes moved over her body again.

Olivia cleared her throat and he realized he had been staring.

"Sorry." He said.

Olivia smiled. She didn't know why she was self-conscious. Elliot had certainly seen her naked before.

Elliot sat up and moved to one end of the couch. "Do you want to sit down? The Rangers are playing."

Olivia moved to the couch. "Hockey?" she said, a small smile on her face. Elliot had been trying to turn her into a sports fan practically the entire time she'd known him. She sat down and pulled the blanket over her lap.

"We can find something else to watch." He said, handing her the remote.

She batted his hand away. "It's fine."

"I guess I should have asked you if I could stay a little longer." He said. "And I do have to leave pretty soon. I have to work in the morning."

Olivia shook her head. "I understand. I'm just glad you feel comfortable enough to make yourself at home." She said. She was happy to have him there because he knew Elise was going to bed. That meant he had stayed for her.

She looked over at him and smiled. "So…explain the rules of hockey to me again."


	7. Chapter 7

Elliot tried to explain the rules to Olivia again, but he saw that she wasn't really working very hard to understand.

"You don't really care, do you?" he said, shaking his head with a smile.

Olivia looked over at him and gave him a close mouthed smile. "Sorry." She said. "You know I wasn't raised on sports." She said. With a mother that was an English professor, her childhood had been filled with visits to art museums and poetry readings.

"I know Liv. But you would think that after 7 years together, something would have rubbed off on you." He said.

She laughed. "You know I always tuned you guys out when you were talking about sports."

"Yeah." he said. "Do you miss it?" He hadn't asked her much about her job. He knew it had something to do with working with victims of domestic violence and sexual assault; a kind of social worker. Helping them find the services they need, talking them through court appearances, helping them find housing and jobs and getting them on their feet.

Olivia nodded. "I do, but I feel like I'm still making a difference. I'm still helping victims."

"That's what you do best." He said.

"But I miss it. Putting the perps behind bars. Getting justice." She sighed. "I don't get that kind of adrenaline rush anymore."

"You ever think about being a cop here?" he asked.

Olivia shook her head. "I can't. I have Elise to think about. It's too dangerous when you're a single mom." She winced as the words left her mouth.

"Yeah, I get that." He said. "But I'm here now so…"

Olivia sighed. "I'm OK. Maybe someday, but I'm happy with what I'm doing.' She paused a second. "But I do miss the guys…and Casey. All of them were my family." She felt like the discussion was getting too heavy again, and she just wasn't up to another deep conversation. "You know what else I miss?"

The first thing that popped into his head was sex, and he almost blurted it out as a joke. But that may hit a little too close to home…and he really didn't know if she had dated anyone.

"Chinese takeout."

Elliot laughed at the wistful sound in her voice...and at how far away that was from what he was thinking.

"What are you laughing about?" she said. "I do. No place delivers here and Elise really doesn't like Chinese food, so we almost never have it."

Elliot was still chuckling. "It's just not what I expected to hear." He said. "Tell you what. Next time I come up, I'll bring your favorite, and we can split our meals like old times."

Olivia sighed. "That sounds heavenly." She said, sounding more satisfied than she intended, and she blushed slightly.

Elliot chuckled again. "Really? That's all it takes? A little Chinese food?"

Olivia was really embarrassed now and she picked up a pillow and threw it at him. It sailed past his head and hit the floor.

"Wow. The mighty Olivia Benson has lost her touch!" he teased.

Olivia gave him an incredulous look and her foot shot out, but Elliot was too fast and he grabbed her around her ankle and pulled her down on the couch. "That was a cheap shot Benson." He said, tugging her further down the couch and grabbed her shins to keep her from kicking him again.

"Maybe I was trying not to hurt you." She grabbed another pillow from under her head, and threw it, nailing him in the head.

"Oh you're going to pay for that." He said. He pushed himself up and climbed over her body and she tried to scramble out from underneath him but he was too fast. He grabbed her arms and pinned them by her head. He stared down at her with a huge grin on his face, and suddenly they were goofing around in her apartment five years ago.

"Don't forget that I know where you're ticklish." He said. "Payback is a bitch."

Olivia's eyes got wide, knowing she was most ticklish on her knees and inner thighs and her breath hitched with the thought. _He wouldn't_.

He suddenly realized the awkward position he had put them in, but he couldn't seem to move. He saw her eyes get wide, but he saw something else there as well. Want? Fear? Maybe a mixture of the two.

He knew he shouldn't kiss her. His mind was screaming at him not to do it but his desire won out and before he could talk himself out of it, he leaned down and captured her lips, moaning as memories flooded his body with the feel of her mouth against his. He released her lower lip and then he was opening her mouth with his and he heard a small moan escape from deep inside her…the sound captured by his own mouth. The next thing he knew, she was swiping her tongue against his with a low moan, and the sound went right to his groin.

He released her arms, propping himself up on one elbow as he continued to ravage her mouth with his. He was running on autopilot as his left hand ran down her arm and landed on her waist. He smoothed his hand over the exposed skin where her tank top had ridden up. He rubbed his thumb back and forth, letting his hand wander up over her rib cage.

Elliot was kissing her hard, the stubble on his face scratching hers and the only thing she could think of was that she wanted more. Olivia could feel his hot hand on her skin and she arched her back into him, wanting to feel his hand on her breast. She felt Elliot knock her thighs with his knees and she complied, spreading them slightly so he could put one knee between her leg. The man knew her bod…knew what made her come hard and fast…or how to prolong the torture…making her come again and again before he buried himself inside of her. He pressed his knee against her core and she let out a sound from deep inside her. It had been so long…but then it seemed like yesterday. The ache between her legs was almost unbearable and she let out another moan.

Elliot ripped his mouth from hers, needing to catch his breath. He was already hard, his body remembering hers. He kissed his way down her jawline and then trailed his tongue down her neck. Olivia closed her eyes and tipped her head back. He pulled the strap down her shoulder and then kissed his way down the swell of her breast. Olivia was moaning beneath him, pushing her hips against him and her hip connected with his erection and he groaned.

"Fuck." He growled against her neck. He pulled her tank top down, exposing her right breast. He trailed his tongue down until he reached her nipple. He teased her with his tongue before he placed his warm, open mouth over her. His other hand found her other breast under her tank and he tweaked and pulled at her nipple.

"El." She moaned, arching back into him, wanting more contact. God, she wanted his hands between her legs. She was so wet. She knew if he kept this up, she was going to come and right now, she needed that relief. She was breathing hard, and grasping at his shirt. She needed to feel his skin against hers. Her hands slid down his back and she latched on to his belt. "Take them off." She rasped.

Elliot released her breast and kissed his way back up to her neck, placing open mouthed kisses along the way. He lowered his hips, grinding his erection into her. God, he wanted her.

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard a phone ringing. He lifted his head, trying to figure out what the sound was…his mind and body focused on one thing. It took him a second to realize it was his cell phone and he looked down at Olivia with a bewildered expression on his face.

He shook his head slightly. What was he doing? What the hell was he doing? One minute they're goofing around and the next minute he's got his tongue down her throat and his erection pressed intimately between her legs?

"Liv." He rasped, pushing himself up, separating their bodies. "I'm…God, I…"

He saw her lips, red and swollen. Her body was flushed; her breast exposed and wet from his mouth.

Olivia saw the look on his face; he looked guilty as the realization of their compromised position slammed into him. She wanted to tell him that it was OK…she hadn't stopped him. The ache between her legs told the whole truth. While she had no intention of sleeping with Elliot tonight…she would have. She wanted to. So she had to a share of the guilt.

"El.." she said, pulling her tank top over her breast and scooting back on the couch as Elliot climbed off the couch. She could tell that he was struggling with what to say, when she heard his phone ring again.

"Goddamnit." He said as he pulled it out of his back pocket. He looked at the caller ID and saw that it was his daughter Kathleen and he swore again under his breath. He looked at her and then back at the phone.

"Take it." She said. She could use the distraction to make her getaway.

Elliot answered the phone. "Hey Kathleen." He saw Olivia get up off the couch and he tried to snag her as she rushed past him. But he missed her and he heard her make record time up the stairs. "What?" He tried to focus on what Kathleen was saying. It took her three times. " . Yeah, I'm headed back to the city now but it will be about two hours." He listened some more. "Yeah, I'm out of town, but I'll head out now." He ended the call with his daughter and let out a heavy sigh.

He had certainly fucked things up now. Things had been going well. They were getting along and he felt like they were making progress and then all of a sudden he's like a hormonal teenaged boy…mauling her on the couch. _What the hell was his problem?_

His problem was that even after all this time…after everything that had happened…he still loved her. And there was a part of him that longed for things to be how they were…to just pretend that the past four years hadn't happened, and he and Olivia and Elise had been a family all along.

He sighed. Life wasn't a fairy tale.

And he owed her an apology.

He trudged up the stairs and saw her bedroom door was closed. He put his ear to the door and thought he could hear water running. She must be in the bathroom.

He knocked lightly on her door, and when she didn't answer, he cracked it open. "Liv?" he said softly. He pushed the door open a little more and saw the door to her bathroom was closed. He let himself in and walked over to the door, repeating the soft knock. "Liv?" he said.

"Give me a minute." She said.

He was surprised she had answered. The Olivia he had known before probably would have stayed holed up until he left. He stepped away from the door and sat down on the bed. Then he felt self-conscious about that and he got up right away. He rethought the whole thing…he shouldn't even be in her bedroom. He left the room and went back downstairs, and paced back and forth between the foyer and the family room.

Olivia splashed cold water on her face. What the hell had she been thinking? She had let things go too far. She had promised herself that she wouldn't put any pressure on him to be anything more than a father to Elise, and then she went and paraded around the house in a skimpy tank and thin pajama shorts. She'd told herself that it didn't matter; that it wasn't anything he hadn't seen before. But now she thinks that maybe she wanted him to want her…that she wanted to drive him over the edge. Tempt him.

She heard him knock on the door, and she knew she wouldn't be able to avoid him. She asked him to give her a minute. She had to collect herself. Her body was on fire and she needed to calm down. She took a deep breath and headed out of the bathroom. She expected Elliot to be in her bedroom, but he wasn't there, so she assumed he went back downstairs.

Elliot saw her come down the stairs. But now, she was wearing a pair of baggy gray sweatpants and a large SVU sweatshirt that hung loosely on her. He let out a heavy sigh, upset that she felt like she had to do that.

"Liv." He said, before she even reached the bottom step.

Olivia shook her head. "Let's not." She said. She really didn't want to talk.

He knew what she was telling him, but he didn't really want to leave things like this. "But I have to go. Kathleen's been trying to get a hold of me. She needs to crash at my apartment tonight and she's been waiting at a coffee shop down the block for the last couple of hours."

"Well then you'd better get going." She said, walking into the family room. She grabbed the blanket that had fallen in the floor and started folding it up, her back to Elliot.

"Liv. I shouldn't have kissed you."

She laughed because they'd practically had sex on her sofa and he was copping to kissing her? "I kissed you back." She said. She could play this game.

He came up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off and took a step away, setting the blanket on the couch. She turned around and looked at him. "It's fine El. No need to make a big deal out of it."

"But…" He started to object. It was a big deal. He didn't want this to impact the kind of peace they had reached.

"You'd better get going. Kathleen's waiting." She said, crossing her arms in front of her. A clear indication that the conversation was done.

He stood and looked at her for a moment, but he knew the conversation was over. This wasn't how he'd expected this evening to go. He had wanted to talk some more. He just wanted to spend time with her and now he felt like maybe he had pushed them all the way back to square one.

He let out a heavy sigh. "OK. Got it." He was slightly frustrated and he tried to keep the irritation out of his voice, but with little success.

He gave her one last look and then turned and headed for the door. Olivia had heard the frustration in his voice and she felt badly. They'd had such a great weekend. She really didn't want it to end like this.

"El." She said, walking towards him as he opened the door. He paused and looked back at her. She stopped a few feet away from him. "Text me when you get back to the city?" she asked. "Just to let me know you made it."

Elliot gave her a tight smile, happy that had extended the olive branch. He didn't want to leave with any issues between them. "I will." He started to open the screen door, but then changed his mind. He turned around and closed the gap between them. He wrapped his arms around her quickly, giving her a quick squeeze. He placed a quick kiss on the top of her head and then released her. "Good night."

EOEOEOEO

It took Elliot over two hours to get home due to a pile-up on the expressway. He had called the building super to let Kathleen in the apartment, and he she was curled up on the couch with her laptop.

"Dad!" she said as he walked through the door. "Took you long enough."

Elliot set his duffle bag down and walked over, planting a kiss on her forehead. "Working on homework or goofing off?" he asked, sitting down on the other end of the couch and turning to face her.

"Homework. I told you that."

Elliot hadn't really been paying that much attention when he had talked to her on the phone, but he knew she'd said something about exams and needed a quiet place to study. He nodded. "Oh yeah."

Kathleen looked over at his duffle bag by the door. "You were out of town?" she asked. "Where were you?"

Shit. He should have thought of a plausible story before he got home.

"Dad." Said Kathleen, a big smile on her face. "Do you have a girlfriend?" she teased. She wasn't stupid. She could see he didn't want to tell her where he had been.

"No. I do not have a girlfriend." He said. He figured he was telling the truth. Just because he was dry humping his ex-girlfriend and the mother of his child didn't mean he had a girlfriend.

"So where were you then?" she said, not believing him. "You know, I'm not a little girl anymore. You can tell me."

Elliot looked at her and realized five years had really made a difference. When he and Olivia had been involved before…when there had been so much drama…they were so much younger. They weren't able to understand anything except that their lives were being torn apart. But now she was an adult. They had lives of their own and were probably less concerned with who shared his bed.

He wondered if he could tell her about Elise. What her reaction would be. Of all of his kids, he thought Kathleen might be the most understanding. Was he obliged to tell Kathy first? Did he have to break the news to all of his kids at once? He didn't know; there was no handbook on this kind of shit.

Suddenly, he wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell someone about her.

"Dad?" Kathleen said, her hand on his arm. "Are you OK?" she asked, seeing the look on his face. "I was just teasing you."

"I know." He stared at her for a second, trying to decide what to do.

Kathleen furrowed her brows. "Dad. You're scaring me. What's wrong?"

"If I told you something…something really important…do you think you could keep it to yourself? Just for a little while?"

Kathleen looked at him warily, worried about what he could possibly have to tell her. _Was he sick? Did he lose his job?_ She wasn't sure she wanted the responsibility of knowing something like that. But she trusted him not to tell her something if he didn't think she could handle it. "Yeah." She said, nodding. She set her laptop down on the coffee table and turned to face him.

Elliot tried to gather his thoughts and figure out how to tell her. He really hadn't put any thought into it at all, and now he thought maybe this was a bad idea.

"Dad. You always told us it's just best to get it out." She said. "So just tell me. I promise I'll keep it to myself until you tell Mom and Mo and the others."

"How did you get to be so smart?" he asked.

"Quit stalling." She said, giving him a crooked smile.

Elliot took in a deep breath before he plunged in. "OK." He rubbed his hands up and down his thighs. "Do you remember when I was seeing Olivia?" He watched Kathleen's expression, but it remained neutral.

She nodded.

"You know that Olivia broke things off with me."

Kathleen nodded again. She remembered that time very well. Her mother had been so upset about her Dad and Olivia. She was convinced that they had been having an affair for years, and took every opportunity to rant about how the two of them. She had been so confused. She didn't know what to believe, because she had always liked Olivia. It was such a mess. The only thing she knew for sure was that when Olivia had broken up, her Dad came home and there was some peace in the house. Peace, but not happiness. She could tell her Dad was affected by it.

"I remember." She said.

"She moved away. She lives in Connecticut."

"So that's where you were? Visiting Olivia?" she asked. It didn't surprise her. She knew they'd been close.

"Well. Kind of."

"Dad." Kathleen said impatiently. "Would you just tell me already?"

"Olivia moved away after we broke up because she was pregnant." There. It was out there. "She had a baby." God, this wasn't coming out right because Kathleen was just looking at him, still not comprehending what he was saying. "You have a sister. A half-sister."

He saw it click then and she opened her mouth and closed it again, trying to process what he had said. It took a minute but then she pulled herself together. "I have a sister?" she whispered.

Elliot nodded.

"So…she's how old?"

"She just turned 4."

"I've had a little sister for four years and you're just telling me now?" she asked.

"I just found out myself." He said. "About two months ago." He couldn't tell if she was mad or angry or something else.

"Olivia didn't tell you?" she said, a surprised look on her face. "Why would she do that?"

"Olivia and I are working that out. That's why I've waited to tell you. And your Mom and everyone else. I needed to get to know her and work through my anger with Olivia."

"And have you? Worked out your anger?" she asked.

Elliot tilted his head back and forth. "We're working on it." He said. "But it's better than it was two months ago." 

Kathleen nodded. "So." She had about a million questions but she wasn't sure what he was going to tell her. And she was still sorting out how she felt about it. "What's her name?

"Elise."

"Hmm." She said non-commitally. "Do you have a photo of her?"

Elliot pulled out his phone and pulled up the photo app. He paged through the photos until he found one of her on her birthday. She was hamming it up for the camera and he had to smile. He showed the photo to Kathleen.

"Wow. She looks just like Olivia." She said. "Are you sure she's yours?"

Elliot furrowed his eyebrows. "Of course I am."

Kathleen shrugged her shoulders. "I'm just asking." She said. She paged through some of the other photos on the phone. "Oh. Olivia looks great." She handed the phone back to Elliot. "I always liked Olivia Dad." She shook her head. "It was just such a crazy time."

"Yeah. I've been thinking about it a lot. And Olivia and I have talked about it too." He said. "It still makes me mad but I've come to realize that there's nothing I can do to change it."

"So, are you and Olivia like…together?" she asked.

Elliot thought about what happened at Olivia's earlier tonight. "No."

Kathleen didn't say anything for a minute. "So why did you decide to tell me first?"

"Honestly?" he asked. "I don't know. I guess because we've always been close and I thought you might be the one person that wouldn't have a complete meltdown."

"Kind of helps because I'm medicated." She joked.

"That's not what I meant." He said, shaking his head and giving her a smile.

"I know."

"So tell me what you're thinking right now."

"Well, if we're being honest…I'm still trying to figure that out." She said.

"I guess that's fair." He said.

"Will we get to meet her?" she asked.

"I want that to happen, if you want to."

"How are you going to tell Mom?"

"I have no idea." He said. "Because I don't think she's going to be easy on me." He sighed. He wanted to tell her that her Mom had a big role in this entire mess, so he didn't expect it was going to go well at all because he was going to tell her exactly that. But this was her Mom, and he wasn't going to share that with her.

"Want me to tell her for you?" Kathleen joked. She leaned over and gave him a big hug. "It's going to be OK Dad." She gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I love you."

"Thanks honey." He said, kissing her on the forehead. "I'm a lucky guy to have such a great daughter."


	8. Chapter 8

_Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter posted! Thanks for continuing to read and comment. I appreciate the support._

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot woke up Monday morning, tired and crabby. He felt like he'd barely slept at all. He had spent some time with Kathleen, catching up on everything on her life and telling her more about Elise. Then he'd received an urgent text from Olivia and he realized that he'd forgotten to text he. He felt bad because it was almost four hours after he left. He assured her everything was fine, but he didn't told her that he had shared the news with Kathleen.

When he finally had gone to bed, his mind had been all over the place. At first he had been thinking about how he was going to break the news of Elise's existence to Kathy. On one hand, he didn't really give a shit what she thought, but on the other hand, he still had to keep the peace with her. They had reached a kind of amicable existence, and this was going to blow it all to hell and he was afraid he was going to lose it when he spoke to her. Because she definitely wasn't innocent in all of this.

Then his thoughts turned to Olivia and their make-out session on the couch. When he saw her come down the stairs in those shorts and tank top, it was all he could do to keep his eyes focused on hers. But he'd be lying if he said he didn't notice that her breasts were much bigger now, and were straining against that thin tank top. And her hips and legs…he could remember how it felt to be cradled in between her hips like they were made for each other, and those long legs wrapped around him. He had tried to act nonchalant, but he was almost glad when she sat down and pulled that blanket over her. Almost.

He can honestly say he had no intention of kissing her…or of doing anything else that happened after that. But the moment he crawled over her body…when he saw the look in her eyes…it was almost as if he didn't even have a choice. His body was reacting. They had been here before so many times and it was automatic. His mouth on hers. His hands on her breasts…her stomach…in between her legs.

And then there he was, it was the middle of the night in his apartment in NYC, and he had a raging hard-on. Part of him wished he had never kissed her. And part of him wished they had never come to their senses and that he had carried her upstairs and finished what they started.

So now it was 6AM, and he was crabby and tired.

He had to work and had to deal with Kathy, and that made him want to roll over and go back to sleep. Or get in the car and drive back to Connecticut.

He let out a huge sigh and climbed out of bed. He headed into the bathroom and started the shower. He was going to have to take a cold shower or do something to get rid of his salacious thoughts about Olivia, or he was never going to make it through the day.

EOEOEOEO

When he got to the precinct, his partner was nowhere in sight. Fin must have seen the look on his face because he offered up an explanation before he could ask.

"Court." He said.

Elliot nodded. He vaguely remembered something about that last week. Honestly, his head wasn't in the game at work. He had spent every weekend, or at least part of a weekend, with Olivia and Elise over the last two months, and it was getting to the point where he hated leaving them. He worked hard during the week, but he was always focused on making it to Friday so he could go see Elise. And Olivia, because truthfully, he was looking forward to seeing her almost as much.

"It was good to see Liv." Said Fin. "She's lookin' good."

"And that little girl of yours is a sweetheart." Said Munch. "I can see she has you wrapped around her little finger already."

"Yeah." Said Elliot, sighing as he sat down in his chair. No use denying it.

At that moment, Cragen came out of his office. "Elliot." He said. "Glad to see you're here. My office." He said, turning and going back inside.

Elliot looked over at Fin and Munch, silently asking what he'd done now to warrant a call into Cragen's office. They both shook their heads.

Elliot stood up and walked into Cragen's office.

"Close the door." He said. "And have a seat." He remained standing, and Elliot always wondered if he did that to let them know who was boss. He supposed so.

Elliot sat down and waited for the Captain to speak.

"So, it looks like Elise's birthday party was a success." He said. "It seems like you and Olivia are getting along."

"Yeah. She had a lot of fun and I know Liv was really glad to see everyone." He laughed. "Elise was exhausted afterwards but she loved it."

"Seems like you've been spending quite a bit of time up there." He said.

Elliot frowned slightly because of course Cragen knew that. He'd been really lenient in making sure Elliot wasn't on call over the weekends lately. He wasn't certain what he was fishing for.

"I try to go up every Saturday and spend the day with Elise." Elliot said cautiously. He wasn't going to tell Cragen that he spent at least one night there every weekend, and that he had been there since Friday this past weekend.

"And Olivia." He said. It wasn't a question.

"Well. Yeah, she's there." He said, still wondering where this conversation was going. "She's been really great about making it easy for me to see Elise. And we felt that keeping her at home would be less disruptive while we get to know each other."

"Hmm." Cragen said, finally sitting down at his desk. "I know that it still bothers you that I was part of the whole conspiracy to keep this a secret." He made air quotes when he said the word conspiracy.

Elliot shifted uncomfortably in his seat because he was, but the two men had never spoken about it. It appears they were going to now and Elliot wanted to groan because he didn't want to have this conversation and then have to talk to Kathy too.

"But I want you to understand that I didn't take her request lightly. You know that you and Olivia are like children to me. I tried to talk her into telling you, but she was adamant. I know she had her reasons, but she only shared so much with me. At the end of the day, I had to decide between agreeing to help her or letting her go it on her own. And I decided to help her. Because she really would have been on her own and I couldn't let that happen. She needed someone to be there, and if it wasn't going to be you, then it had to be me."

Elliot listened to what the Captain was saying. It was pretty much what he had said before and at some level, he knew he was right.

"Cap'n. Olivia told me about everything that you did for her. And believe me when I say that I am grateful that she had you. Has you. Because she's a strong woman, and I know she could have handled it, but I know having you around has made it a lot easier for her. She had someone to talk to, someone to share things with, and hopefully that made her less lonely."

He stood up then and started to pace. "I've been trying to let the anger go. I know that being angry doesn't change anything. I'll never get that time back." He turned towards the Captain. "And maybe it's good that we're talking about this because a lot of people had a role in this. Olivia. You. Kathy. Even me."

He gripped the back of the chair in front of him. "So I'm going to tell you what I told Olivia. That I'm trying to get over it. And it's working. She and I have been talking and things seem to be getting better." He smiled. "We had a great weekend together."

He saw Cragen raise his eyebrow then, and he realized he had just told him that he'd spent the weekend there.

"The weekend huh." He paused for a second. "Olivia called me last night." He said. "She sounded upset." He didn't expand on that statement. He just gave Elliot a pointed look.

"Upset?" Elliot asked, playing dumb. "Did she say why?"

Cragen shook her head. "She said she wasn't. That she was just tired." He said. "But I've gotten to know Olivia pretty well. Are you sure you didn't have a fight with her?"

"I'm sure." Said Elliot. "We haven't been fighting at all." That was the truth.

Cragen let out a heavy sigh. The two of them together had always been exasperating. "Elliot. I'm just going to be brutally honest with you. I'm glad that you know about Elise. I never thought it was right to keep that from you. I want you to get to know that girl and spend time with her. She needs a father and I know you want to be there." He looked down at his desk and then back up at Elliot. "But you and Olivia have to figure out what you are to each other. How you're going to go ahead. Because I know you're mad, but I don't want Elise to be subject to all of the bullshit I've seen you two throw at each other over the years. The arguing and the silent treatment and all of the other drama I've had to witness."

"We wouldn't do that. We aren't doing that." Elliot said. And he meant it.

"That's all I wanted to hear. Because you know as well as I do that the important thing is Elise. So whatever happens between the two of you." He leaned over slightly to look Elliot in the eyes. "Whatever you guys decide about your personal relationship, it has to be with her in mind."

Elliot just stared at the Captain, and he wondered if Olivia had told him about what had happened last night. He didn't disagree with him; they had to figure out what they wanted to be to each other. They couldn't make half-assed emotional decisions any more.

"I hear you." Said Elliot, because he didn't know what else to say.

"OK. I've said my piece so I'm not going to bring it up again." He said. "Unless I have to."

Elliot heard the implied warning there. _Don't fuck this up_. He stood up and left the Captain's office.

When he got back to his desk he saw Fin and Munch staring at him. "Everything OK?" asked Munch.

Elliot let out a heavy sigh. "Everything's great."

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot worked on paperwork all afternoon, thankful that no new calls came up. He picked up his phone several times, hoping to see a text from her. But he didn't have one and he knew he wouldn't get one. Their normal routine now was that she texted him on Wednesday sometime to see if he was still planning on coming on the weekend and when, and then followed up with him on Friday afternoon. Just to make sure nothing had come up before she told Elise he was coming.

Today was Monday.

He thought that maybe she would text him because of what happened yesterday, but the more he thought about it, he wondered if she would even text him on Wednesday. Maybe she was nervous about what would happen if he came up this weekend. Maybe she was worried he couldn't keep his hands to himself.

Maybe she didn't want him to.

He sat there with his phone in his hand, debating whether or not _he_ should text _her_. He didn't know what he would say. He let out a small groan because this was so stupid. It was the kind of thing his kids did in junior high when they liked somebody but didn't know how to act.

He set his phone back down on his desk, but as soon as he did, he heard a ping, letting him know that he had an incoming text message. He hurriedly grabbed the phone and opened the messaging app, wondering how on Earth Olivia read his mind, when he saw the message was from Kathy. Well…crap.

He opened it up.

 _Just wondering if we're still on for tonight. I can make a bite to eat. See you at 7 – K_

He didn't even want to respond because he really wasn't up for this discussion. But he knew there was no getting out of it, especially now that he had shared the news with Kathleen. He knew she would keep it a secret, but she would bug him until he had told everyone else.

"See you at 7." He replied with a heavy sigh.

EOEOEOEO

He pulled up in front of the house a little before 7. He sat in the car for a moment, memories of the years spent here washing over him as they always did. It had been almost a year since he had moved back out again, and this time, there had been a lot less acrimony. Just sadness. Because it never had really been the same. Kathy knew his heart was elsewhere, even though she never said it. It was as if both of them knew that him moving out was inevitable since they day he moved back in.

He saw Lizzie coming out of the house with her backpack slung over her back and he got out of the car to greet her.

"Hi Dad." She said, giving him a hug.

He felt bad then, because he really had much time to see them because he'd been spending a large chunk of every weekend in Connecticut.

"Where are you headed off to?" he asked.

"I'm going over to Charlie's to study." She said. Like he was supposed to know who Charlie was.

"OK. Well make sure you get some studying done." He said, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes at him and headed over towards the car in the driveway.

He looked up and saw Kathy standing in the doorway and he headed in that direction.

"Hey." He said as he climbed the stairs. "Who's Charlie?"

Kathy let out a heated breath and shook her head. "Maybe if you called your kids once in a while, you'd know what was going on in their lives." She said, stepping back to let him in.

" _So this is how it was going to start."_ Elliot thought to himself. "I talk to the kids. Things just change so damn fast." He said, closing the door behind him. "Is Dick here?"

Kathy shook her head as Elliot followed her into the kitchen. "He's out with some friends." She turned to look at him. "Since we never really get together to talk, I figured this must be important. I thought maybe it should just be the two of us."

"Did you eat?" she asked.

"Nah."

"I can heat something up for you." She offered.

"I'm fine."

She poured herself a glass of wine. "Wine?" she asked, holding the glass out to him.

Elliot shook his head. "Nah."

"I don't have any beer." She said. "I don't drink it." She leaned against the counter and took a sip.

"That's fine." Elliot leaned against the doorway of the kitchen.

Neither one of them said anything for a minute or so; he just kept watching her as she kept her concentration on the glass in her hand.

Maybe she wouldn't care. She wasn't married to him anymore. He hadn't gotten Olivia pregnant while they were married. It was in the past. Maybe…

He let out a sigh. _Who was he trying to kid?_

"So what did you want to talk about?" she asked, taking another sip of wine from the glass.

He didn't say anything and she moved over to the table and sat down. He took her cue and sat down across from her.

"So…Maureen and her boyfriend are getting pretty serious." She said. "I would expect we're going to get news of an engagement pretty soon." Kathy said.

Elliot had been so focused on what he was going to say that he couldn't adjust to the abrupt change in topic. "What?" he said.

"Engaged." Kathy repeated. "I'm pretty sure Sam is going to ask Maureen to marry him." She said. She leaned in towards him, placing a hand on the table. "So expect a call pretty soon and please don't do anything to scare the guy off. He's a good guy."

Elliot furrowed his brow. "Married?"

"Have you been listening to a word I said?" Kathy said, sitting back down at the table. She gave him a look; a look he had seen a million other times when she thought he wasn't paying attention. "Whatever you came here to talk about must be important because you've been distracted since you walked in the door." She laughed lightly, almost like she was trying to reassure herself that it couldn't be too bad.

Elliot just stared at her blankly. He had been trying to think about how to break the news to her on the drive over, but there was just no good way to say it.

Kathy let out a frustrated sigh. "What is it? Did you lose your job? Are you moving away?"

"No. It's not anything like that." He said. _It's much worse_. "It's about Olivia. I need to talk to you about Olivia."

He heard a sharp intake of breath from her and he knew that was absolutely the last thing she had expected to hear.

"Olivia?" she asked. "I thought she moved away."

"She did."

"So? She's back?"

"Would you care if she was?" he asked.

Kathy shrugged. "Why would I?" But he could see in her expression and in her body language that she did care. A lot.

"Because you seemed to care before." He said, knowing he was being an ass but deciding he didn't really care.

Kathy seemed to consider his words, judging her response. "You mean because I wasn't going to kiss ass and make nice with the woman who stole my husband?"

 _The gloves were off._

He actually couldn't believe she had come out and said that. It had obviously been something she had wanted to say for a long time.

"Do you honestly believe that?" He said.

"Yes. Yes, I do. We were doing just fine until that little homewrecker came into our lives. I knew she was trouble the first time I laid eyes on her."

"You liked Olivia. You invited her to our house…to all of the stuff with the kids."

"Until I saw the way she looked at you. And the way you looked at her." She snapped. "There were times I thought you were going to kiss her right in front of me."

"You're being ridiculous." He said.

"Why do you think I stopped telling you to bring her home for dinner? Why I stopped inviting her to things?" She said, her tone escalating. She stood up and walked over to the counter, grabbing the bottle of wine. "You spent enough time with her already and I could see what was going on."

"Nothing was going on!" he said. "I told you that."

"That's a lie Elliot. And I knew it. Why do you think I asked you to switch partners so many times?"

"We weren't having an affair." He said forcefully, slamming his hand down on the table. He was so sick of her accusations.

She poured herself another glass of wine and took a long sip. ""But you wanted to." She said. She smiled when she saw the expression on Elliot's face. "I actually think I should probably thank Olivia for the fact that you didn't, because I have no doubt that if she would have asked you to sleep with her, you would have without a moment's thought."

Elliot was surprised at Kathy's accusation; basically telling him that the only reason he didn't have an affair was because Olivia wouldn't let him. "I never cheated on you. With Olivia or anyone else." He said vehemently.

"There's all kinds of cheating Elliot. You and Olivia had an emotional connection I'll never understand and it pissed me off because you were MY husband. We had a family! And I know I was right because it wasn't long after we were separated that started sleeping with her!"

Now it was Elliot's turn to stand up. "Did you ever stop to think about the fact that if we were so happily married, it wouldn't have been possible for me to fall in love with Olivia? I wouldn't have even looked at her twice."

Kathy rolled her eyes. "That's such bullshit. I've seen women like Olivia and I've seen the way you look at her. She's a beautiful woman…she could have had any man out there. But she has to sink her hooks into you. And you fell for it." She laughed. "And when things got tough, got too real…what did she do? She left." She looked right at him. "I guess she didn't love you as much as you thought she did."

Her comments left him speechless. He was seething. "How can you stand there and act like you had nothing to do with her leaving?"

"Me? What the hell did I have to do with it?"

"You turned the kids against me…told them lies about me and Olivia. You made sure I barely got to see them. Which you _knew_ was killing me. It caused all kinds of problems between us and you knew it would. That's why she broke it off."

"I didn't do anything. You were busy screwing your new girlfriend and didn't make time for the kids. You made your bed…"

"I can't believe you're standing there and denying you had any part of this!" he yelled. "You just couldn't stand to see me happy."

"You belonged at home with us!" she was furious now. "I never thought you'd give up your partnership and potentially your job for her." She took a deep breath. "You never would have done that for us!" She had known then that he had really loved Olivia; that it wasn't some romantic notion or a fling like she'd thought it would be. She had stupidly thought that he'd sleep with her and get it out of his system and then come to his senses. But he hadn't, and that had scared the hell out of her.

"We were over Kathy. And I know that sucks but we had our chance and it didn't work out." He was full out yelling now because she just didn't understand. He couldn't help falling in love with her. "I loved her and you drove her away. And because of that, I never knew that I had a daughter!"

It was like all of the air had been sucked out of the room as his words slammed into her.

"What did you say?" she rasped.

"I have a daughter." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Olivia and I have a daughter."

"What?" she sat down hard, a bewildered expression on her face. She furrowed her brows, like she couldn't process what he was saying.

Then she saw a small smile on her face. "Couldn't get you to stay by sleeping with you so she decided to get pregnant?" Kathy said, venom in her voice. "That shouldn't surprise me."

Elliot just stared at her; hardly able to believe the words that had just come out of her mouth. He wanted to slap her. He wanted to call her a miserable, dried up bitch. He wanted to slam his fist into the wall and rage.

"Don't you ever say anything like that about her again." He said, his tone threatening. "She left because she saw what being away from my kids was doing to me. She didn't want to take me away from my _real_ family. She thought she was doing the right thing and I missed the first four years of my daughter's life. And some of that's on you." He walked away from her and slammed his palm against the doorframe. He turned back towards her. "So I'm going to tell the kids they have a sister. _I'm_ going to tell them. Not you. And I swear to God, if you do anything to poison them against her…or Olivia…" He couldn't even finish the sentence because he honestly didn't know what he'd do.

He looked at her sitting at the table, and suddenly she looked small…and beaten. He felt a stab of guilt because she had never asked for any of this. She'd loved him and taken care of his home and his children and he'd been the ass that had fallen in love with someone else. That didn't mean he had never loved her. But he was just so angry with the role she'd played in this.

He felt like he should say something. Ease the sting.

"Kathy."

She looked up at him and he could see tears in her eyes, but the anger was still there too.

"Just go." She said and turned away from him.

So he left.


	9. Chapter 9

Olivia had put Elise to bed and she was curled up on the couch, reading. She was itching to talk to Elliot. She wanted to know if he had spoken to Kathy and what her reaction had been. She could only imagine how that conversation had gone.

She looked at her watch and saw it was almost 9. She thought about texting him or calling him, but she had no idea what time he was meeting up with Kathy. And she did NOT want to interrupt THAT conversation.

It was going to be a long week.

She stretched out on the couch, laying her book across her stomach. She closed her eyes and thought again about Elliot kissing her on this couch. It was like they'd never been apart. Her body had responded to him immediately and she was almost embarrassed at how aroused she'd become so quickly.

But Elliot had always had that effect on her. One kiss from him could ignite a fire in her.

She remembered a case they had worked where they had been stuck at the precinct for three days. She needed sleep and a shower, but since sleep wasn't in the cards, she had opted for the shower.

 _She stepped out of the shower and gasped when she saw Elliot standing there._

" _You scared me." She said, clutching at the towel wrapped around her._

 _Elliot reached behind him and locked the door and she narrowed her eyes slightly._

" _What are you doing?" she whispered as he started moving towards her, a mischievous smile on his face._

" _I miss you." He said._

 _She took a step backwards as he started to close the gap between them._

" _We're at work." She hissed, knowing exactly what was on his mind._

" _We'll make it quick." He said._

 _She shook her head. "If we get caught…"_

" _We'll only get caught if you can't keep quiet." He grinned as her back hit the wall next to the shower. He braced a hand on either side of her head and leaned in, stealing a quick kiss. He pulled back and reached for her hand clutching the towel. "We both know you're not going to say no…" he teased, whispering in her ear. "So let's lose the towel." He pulled her hand away and the towel fell to the ground at her feet. "That's my girl." He said, trailing his tongue down her neck while his hand closed over her breast._

 _His lips found hers again and she reached for him to pull him closer, but he continued to brace himself against the wall with one hand, leaving space between them. He tweaked her nipple with his fingers and she let out a small moan into his mouth. He smiled against her mouth, and she made a mental note to keep quiet._

 _His hand left her breast and he flattened his palm as he ran his hand down her abdomen. She tensed in anticipation, knowing that she was already wet from his kisses and his hand and just his intentions, and it pissed her off because he knew he could get her off quickly. Cocky SOB._

 _He continued to devour her mouth while his hand smoothed down her folds and she let out another sound as he spread her lips with his fingers and found her clit._

 _She ripped her mouth from his and hissed slightly as he rubbed and teased her. "Fuck." She said._

 _Elliot laughed lightly and whispered in her ear again. "Spread your legs a little baby." His words and his tone sent another rush of heat through her body and she was almost embarrassed at her reaction to him. She was dripping. She didn't fight him though…the need in her building. She adjusted her stance slightly, giving him greater access to her and he immediately slid his fingers down to her entrance, teasing her with his fingers and trailing her wetness back up between her folds._

 _She spread her legs wider; she wanted his fingers inside of her. He was sucking and teasing the skin on her neck while his fingers slid back and forth, knocking her clit and sending a jolt through her body with each touch. "El…" she moaned._

 _He slid his fingers down and penetrated her slightly. "Yessss." She hissed, her head back against the wall and her eyes closed. Elliot started trailing kisses down the swell of her breasts while he slid a finger inside of her and she pushed her hips forward, wanting him deeper. He added a second finger while his tongue teased her nipple, and he twisted his fingers, stretching her._

" _Fuck!" she yelled out as he bit down on her nipple and set up a rhythm with his fingers. He curled his fingers slightly, hitting her in just the right spot. His thumb found her clit and now he was licking and biting her nipple while he continued to drive his fingers into her. Her knees buckled slightly and he placed his other hand on her hip and pushed up against the wall, holding her place. His mouth left her breast and he went down on his knees as he was kissing his way down her abdomen. She dug her fingers into his shoulders. Her body was starting to tremble and she knew she was going to come._

 _She was clenching around his fingers and her breathing was labored and she wanted release. Elliot ran his tongue down between her lips and replaced his thumb with his tongue and when she felt the heat of his mouth on her sensitive clit she was done. Her orgasm tore through her and her legs started to give out. Elliot pulled his fingers out of her quickly and stood up, catching and holding her as her body continued to tremble. He ran his fingers back down over her clit, eliciting a few more moans from her as another wave washed over her._

Her eyes flew open when she heard her phone ringing. She took a deep breath, embarrassed at the wetness between her legs, triggered by her memories of that afternoon in the precinct. Cocky bastard hadn't even had sex with her. He had kissed her tenderly, gave her a cocky smile and wandered back out into the squad room. She had taken another shower, washing the fluids from her orgasm from her sensitive body. When she had gotten to the squad room, she hadn't been able to look at Elliot for a while, her body still sensitive and flushed.

Her phone stopped ringing and she realized she was still half out of it from her daydream. She sat up and snagged her phone off of the coffee table. She was disappointed to see the message was from Casey, and not from Elliot. She called her friend right back, settling back on the couch.

"Hey Casey. Sorry about that." She said, running her hand through her hair. "I was distracted and missed your call."

EOEOEOEOEO

It was Wednesday night, and Olivia hadn't heard from Elliot all week. She was surprised, because she knew that he had to have met with Kathy by now and she would have expected him to fill her in on what happened. She was supposed to text him tonight as usual, but she wondered if he was avoiding her. She shook her head. She knew she was overreacting; reading too much into it. They hadn't talked any other days in all of the weeks before, so why should she expect him to call her now? Just because he had kissed her?

She played with the phone a little and opened up her messaging app. She started to type him her customary "Wednesday night" message. She closed the app before she finished.

"Fuck it." She said, and picked up the phone, hitting Elliot's number on speed dial.

He answered on the second ring. "Liv? Is everything OK?"

She could hear the panic in his voice. "Everything's fine." She said quickly.

"Oh. I was worried." He said. She never called him and he had worried that something was wrong with Elise or her.

"Sorry. I just…I thought I'd call instead of text you to see about this weekend."

"Yeah, it's fine." He chuckled. "How's your week been?"

"Fine. Except El has been driving me nuts about having her friends over again this weekend. And she wants to see you." She said. "She had no real concept of time so she's been telling me that you haven't been here _forever_." She laughed. "She's going to drive me insane I swear."

Elliot laughed. "I suppose I should call her. Would that make it better or worse?"

"I honestly don't know." She laughed. "I supposed we can try it."

"Let me talk to her now." He said, suddenly anxious to hear her little voice.

"El, it's after 9. She's asleep."

"Oh. Yeah. I'm still at work and I guess I didn't realize how late it was."

"You're still at work? Hard case?"

"Yeah, it's been a bitch of a week." He confessed.

"Sorry." She wanted to ask him if he had spoken to Kathy but she didn't want to be the one to bring it up. If he wanted to tell her, he would. But she was dying to know because she was fairly certain this was going to impact her and Elise.

"When I got home Sunday night, I told Kathleen about Elise."

Olivia was shocked. "You did? What did she say?"

"I have to say that she took it pretty well. She's older now and I don't think she feels as threatened by you as she did when she was younger. She asked a lot of questions about her and so we ended up talking more about Elise and less about all of the things that had happened over the past five years. She wants to meet her."

"That's great!" Olivia said and she really meant it. Of all of the Stabler children, she felt like she knew Kathleen the best. She had always been the one that talked to her the most when she had been around the Stabler family.

"Kathy on the other hand…" he started. He still hadn't decided how much of the conversation he was going to share with her.

Olivia waited for him to continue. She had sworn she was going to let him tell her what he wanted and not pepper him with questions.

"Well, actually most of the conversation was about you and me." He sighed. "She accused us of having an affair. Again. But I think she knows that we didn't because she made a comment that you were the only one that kept it from happening."

"What?" Olivia asked, confused by his statement. She knew that she had been the subject of several fights between Elliot and Kathy during their marriage. He had told her as much.

"She says that wanting to cheat was as good as cheating, and that you were the only one that kept it from happening." Elliot chuckled. "So I guess that's a compliment." He said drily.

"Elliot! There's nothing funny about this." She scolded.

Elliot knew he had hit a sore spot and he was sorry for bringing it up. "Liv, we've been over this a million times. You had nothing to do with breaking up my marriage."

Olivia wished she could believe that. It was something she always struggled with. She always wondered what would have happened with Elliot's marriage if they had never met. She tried to get past it…she actually thought she was. But then when there was yet another conversation like this between he and Kathy, her insecurity all came rushing back.

"Liv…" Elliot said in a pleading tone. "Please don't."

"I'm fine. What did she say about Elise?"

"I didn't handle it very well. We were arguing about you and then I kind of blurted it out and she was just shocked. She said a few nasty things and I just left. I didn't tell her anything about her."

"She said nasty things about Elise?" Olivia asked, setting her on high alert. That, she would not tolerate.

"No! Not about her."

Olivia read between the lines. It sounded like most of the conversation had been about her and she supposed she shouldn't be surprised.

"So where does that leave everything?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" Elliot asked, confused by the question.

"I mean, are you going to tell your other kids? Are they going to meet her?"

"Of course. She doesn't have any say in that." He said. "Liv. She doesn't have anything to do with any of this." He said. "You do understand that right?" He wanted her to understand that Kathy couldn't hurt them anymore. His kids were grown; they had minds of their own and could make their own decisions, and that had been made abundantly clear in his conversation with Kathleen.

"I know." She said quietly. "I just don't want to cause any trouble."

Elliot let out a sound of frustration. "Olivia. Elise is my daughter. And there is nothing that's going to keep me away from her. Least of all Kathy. It might take time for everyone to adjust, but they're going to have to. I'm not missing one more second of that child's life." He sighed. "Tell me you understand that."

Olivia smiled into the phone, thankful for his reassurance. "I understand."

"Promise me were not going to have this conversation again." He said.

She laughed. "We're not going to have this conversation again." She said.

"I'd like to believe you, but I'll take it for now." He wasn't stupid enough to think that Olivia's insecurities wouldn't pop up again at some point in the future.

He wanted to bring up what had happened on Sunday night, but he didn't know how to make such an abrupt change of topic; or how to even bring it up in general.

"So…are you planning on coming up this weekend?" she asked.

Elliot took that as a good sign. "Am I invited?"

Olivia laughed. "Of course. I already told you that Elise is dying to see you."

Elliot wanted to ask if she was anxious to see him too, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer…or if she would even be honest with him.

He saw his partner Tony walk into the squad room and signal to him. "Hey, something's come up and I have to go"

"With your case?"

"Yeah. I'll check in with you later this week." He said. He saw Tony grabbing his jacket and he stood up and grabbed his. "Gotta go."

"Bye." She barely got the word out of her mouth before she heard the call get disconnected. She let out a sigh, a small part of her wishing that she was the one rushing off to a case. Sometimes, she really missed it. But then she would look at her daughter and know that it was all worth it.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia finally got home from work on Friday night after a long, exhausting week. Elise was wound up, continuously asking her when her friend Clare could come over and when her Dad was coming to visit. This was one of those times when Olivia wished she wasn't a single parent. She was exhausted and anxious herself about seeing Elliot again, so she broke one of her rules and let Elise watch a movie. She just needed a few minutes to pull herself together.

She went upstairs and got changed into leggings and her favorite NYPD sweatshirt. Olivia had borrowed it from Elliot one day and she had loved that she could smell him on it. She inhaled deeply, knowing it had been washed many times since then but imagining his cologne. She sat down on the edge of the bed and then lay back. She had been thinking a lot about Elliot since they'd spoken on Wednesday, trying to disentangle her feelings. She thought about all of the years as partners, and then the six months they were together…and then everything after.

She still loved him. When she told him that he was the only man in the world for her, she'd been telling the truth. It seemed like he still loved her…he said he did. She knew he was still struggling with what she had done, and she had never thought he'd be able to forgive her. But then last Sunday night. She closed her eyes…remembering. She let out a heavy sigh and opened her eyes. She had to stop thinking about it and reliving it or she was going to get herself all worked up again.

It was going to be interesting to see how things played out when Elliot got here tomorrow. She was going to keep doing what she had been doing…let him take the lead. But she knew that if by some wonderful chance they got into the same situation they'd been in on Sunday night, she wasn't going to let him stop.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia had put Elise to bed and then checked her phone, happy to see that she had a text from Elliot. She sat down and smiled as she opened, feeling ridiculous that one little text message could make her smile like that.

Her smile faded when she read the message.

" _Hey. Sorry but turns out we're on call this weekend. Not going to be able to make it. Talk to you later."_

Olivia couldn't believe what she was reading. He was on call? If he was really on call, he would have known that on Wednesday when they talked. It wouldn't have just come up tonight. _What the hell?_

Her mind immediately ran to the negative. Was he changing his mind about being involved in Elise's life? Had Kathy gotten to him? Or his kids? Or was it that he didn't want to deal with her? That he thought he wasn't going to be able to forgive her and that he was upset about the incident on the couch? Was he sorry it had happened and now didn't know how to crush her expectations?

She threw her phone down on the couch. Maybe she shouldn't have told him that she still loved him. Maybe it was too much for him to deal with.

She was mad at herself then, because when she had decided to tell Elliot about Elise, she had been focused on making it all about Elise. She had sworn that she wasn't going to have any expectations about she and Elliot. This was her fault.

She scrubbed her hands over her face and back through her hair. She was being ridiculous. Overreacting. It was one weekend, and it very well could be that something had come up that meant he had to be on call. She knew better than anyone that it happened all of the time. Especially since Cragen had been pretty gracious and he hadn't been on call for the past two months.

She picked up her phone and thought about how to respond. She opened up his message and hit reply.

" _Sorry to hear that. Elise will be disappointed."_

She hit send before she could add anything else about hoping to see him soon or anything sappy like that.

She wasn't surprised when she didn't get a response.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot was caught up in his case, trying to track down someone who had raped a 13-year-old girl. He was in the car with Tony, trailing their prime suspect, when Tony had said it was a good thing they were on call since it looked like they were going to be working on this case anyway. He had asked him what the hell he was talking about and Tony told him that Cragen had told them earlier that week, and he gave Elliot shit for not paying attention.

Elliot just looked at him like he was crazy, but then he realized that he was more unfocused lately. He spent a lot of time thinking about Elise, and Olivia and the mess his life was in. Of course Tony knew about Olivia; Fin and Munch had filled him in when he was first partnered up with Elliot. But he hadn't told him about all of these latest developments and he felt like an ass because he realized he hadn't been a very good partner to Tony. He would never be a good partner to Tony…because it would never feel right. Olivia was his partner…partners for life.

He didn't want to have to send a text message to Olivia about this weekend, but he didn't want Tony listening in on his conversation. He got her terse reply and he knew she was upset that he wouldn't be there. He was about to reply when they saw their suspect leave his townhouse. _Shit._ He'd have to get back to her later.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia didn't hear from Elliot until Monday and she had spent all weekend trying to dissect it. She had finally given up because she realized she had absolutely no idea what was on Elliot's mind. When he called, they went through the usual pleasantries and Elliot apologized for missing the weekend. She told him it was no big deal, and almost immediately handed the phone to Elise. Olivia watched as Elise talked to Elliot, her voice and actions animated as she talked about everything they'd done over the weekend and what they were doing at school and a birthday party she was invited to and a myriad of other things. She almost wanted to tell her to take a breath. Elise handed the phone back to Olivia and when she put it to her ear, she heard him still talking, and she smiled when she realized he thought he was still talking to Elise.

"It's me Elliot." She said, when he stopped talking.

"Oh." He said. "I guess she was done talking to me."

"Was there anything she didn't tell you?" she asked.

"I guess not." He paused a second. "I wish I could have been there this weekend. This case…"

"It's fine Elliot. We can't expect you to be here every weekend." She said, trying to hide her personal disappointment.

"Liv." Elliot started.

'I have to get going." She said, wanting to get off the phone.

"Oh. OK. I'll talk to you later." He said, and he heard her say goodbye and she was gone. He could tell she was upset, but she had to know that work was going to get in the way every once in a while. He'd been there every Saturday for two months. It wasn't fair to the other guys on the squad, and even though he'd been mad at first, he understood it. Maybe she had just forgotten what it was like.

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Olivia wasn't surprised when she didn't hear from Elliot on Wednesday. She had almost expected it; prepared herself for it. She didn't reach out to him. She didn't want to pressure him.

When she woke up Thursday morning, she saw that she had missed a call from him, and that he had sent a follow up text. She opened it, knowing what it was going to say.

" _Liv…so sorry…can't make it this weekend. Call me."_

She let out a heavy sigh and closed her eyes. Disappointment washed over her and she thought about having to tell Elise. She was going to be upset. She was going to have to think of something to distract her for the weekend.

She got several text messages from him throughout the day and she finally responded to him that evening.

" _Sorry. Busy. I understand."_

Elliot could tell she was pissed but so was he. Did she honestly think that he didn't want to see them? He'd gotten so used to spending every weekend with them and it was killing him that he had to work. He had hoped she'd be more understanding, but this is where her insecurities always caused friction between them. It was exhausting sometimes.

"Dad."

He looked up at Elizabeth and Dick, who were sitting across from him in the restaurant.

"Hello?" Said Elizabeth. "Was that work? Do you have to go?"

Elliot shook his head. "No. It's not work."

He saw Lizzie relax. He knew that was about to change. "It was Olivia."

He saw both kids get a puzzled look on their face. They had been young when everything had happened before; just on the edge of being teenagers. They knew Olivia of course. They couldn't remember a time when Olivia hadn't been his partner. But they were confused when he and Olivia had started seeing each other, and they had fed into the lies their mother told them. He didn't blame them.

He took a deep breath and proceeded to try to clear up the confusion about he and Olivia's relationship and to tell them about the little sister they had. He hoped it went as well as it went with Kathleen.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot was happy that Olivia picked up the phone when he called on Friday night. But as soon as she said hi, she called for Elise and handed her the phone. He talked to Elise for about ten minutes but when he said goodbye, Elise hung up the phone.

 _Damn it._

He called back right away.

"Forget something?" she asked.

"I wanted to talk to you." He said. "You keep handing the phone right to Elise."

She didn't say anything.

"Liv. You know I don't want to miss these weekends."

"I know."

Elliot let out a sigh. "I talked to Lizzie and Dick last night." He forged ahead without waiting for a reply. "They were shocked but I think they're going to be OK. I explained to them about our relationship and how their mother had been upset. It was hard because I don't want them to hate Kathy, but I had to make them understand that she hadn't been completely honest with them."

"And Elise?"

"We talked about getting them all together and they seemed to want to but I'm going to give them a little time. It was kind of a shocker, ya' know?"

Olivia sighed. "Yeah."

"Is everything OK?" he asked, knowing she wouldn't tell him if it wasn't.

"Yeah. It's fine."

"Olivia. Please don't do this." He said, exasperation in his tone.

"I'm not doing anything." She said.

"Goddamn it." He said. "Yes you are. Your pushing me away."

"You're the one that's avoiding me. Us." She added quickly.

"I had to _work_!" He said, practically yelling into the phone. "Don't you think you'd rather be there?"

"I don't know." She said quietly. "I don't know what to think." She was being honest because she didn't. She had been trying to sort out her feelings about everything.

"Well you'd better figure it out because I'm going to see Elise." He was past his breaking point with her. "I have to go."

"Elliot."

"Good-bye." He said, disconnecting the call.

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Elliot stepped out of the shower and toweled dry. It had been a long day; working Saturday after a week that was already too long was exhausting. Plus, he had the added frustration of not being able to see Elise. It had only been two weeks, but he missed her. His conversation with Oliva the day before had pissed him off, but he couldn't stop replaying it in his mind. He wanted to fix things with her; he really hoped that they could do more than co-exist as Elise's parents. But his first priority was to have a relationship with Elise.

He pulled on a pair of sweatpants and walked into the kitchen. He hadn't had a chance to eat much all day. He nabbed a beer out of the fridge and took a long drink and leaned against the counter as he stared into the near empty refrigerator. He hadn't had much time to shop. He let out a heavy sign and slammed the door shut. _Take-out again_. He had just pulled out the menus when he heard a knock at the door. He looked at the clock and saw it was almost 8. _Who the hell could that be?_ Probably one of the kids.

He pulled open the door and was shocked to see Olivia standing there. He looked around her to see if Elise was with her.

"It's just me." She said, seeing that he was looking around for his daughter.

"Oh." He said.

"Can I come in?" she asked, trying not to read too much into his disappointment. She'd come here for a reason and she wasn't going to waver. Her eyes flickered over his bare chest and back up to his eyes. He wasn't going to make this easy.

He stepped back to let her in and closed the door behind her.

"Do you want a beer?" he asked as she walked into the living room.

"No." she said, shaking her head. She pursed her lips and let out a breath. She just had to get this off her chest before she lost her nerve. She sat down on the couch and she saw Elliot sit down on the other end. She didn't look at him.

"Where's Elise?" he asked.

"She's at Don's. I wanted to talk to you alone. And he wanted to see her."

"You know I wanted to come up to see you guys Liv." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "I really had to work. I'd had so many weekends off. I had to put in my time. You remember those days."

"I know."

Elliot looked at her because her tone said that maybe she did. She wouldn't look at him and he wondered why she was here. He couldn't help but take inventory while she stared down at her hands, gathering her thoughts. She was wearing faded jades and a white V-neck sweater and he thought she looked fantastic and he realized he missed her more than he thought.

"Elliot." She started and he braced himself because he had no idea where this was going. "I've been thinking…"

He almost wanted to laugh because sometimes, she thought about things too much. Of course she'd been analyzing every minute of the time they'd spent together, turning it over and examining it for hidden meaning.

She stood up and paced around the room and he watched as she finally leaned against the back of the chair, between him and the door. He wondered if she was assuring herself a quick escape.

"When I came to see you and tell you about Elise, I really didn't know what to expect. I knew you'd be upset and angry with me, and I didn't know if you'd ever forgive me. I just hoped that you could have a relationship with Elise. I knew that you and I could probably never even be friends again…" She finally looked up at him. "I'm so thankful that you made it so easy. Ever since you've been coming to the house, it's been great." She looked back down at her hands.

"It has been great." Elliot agreed.

"Just…let me finish." She said. "I wasn't expecting you and me…that we were ever going to be us…ever again. So, I understand that you're feeling pressure because of what happened the other night, and I don't want that to keep you from seeing Elise."

"Liv."

She put up a hand. "I just want to tell you that our relationship…whatever becomes of us…is up to you. If you just want to be parents to Elise, that's fine. I'll be happy with that. But if you decide you want more…" She paused again. "I would have slept with you that night." She took a deep breath. "So think about what you want."

Elliot was somewhat speechless as he watched her walk towards the door. He hadn't been expecting that at all. She made it to the door before he came to his senses and he rushed up behind her, forcing the door closed as he pressed his body against hers. He braced his arms on either side of her and he heard an intake of breath as he pressed her body against the door. He leaned in and whispered in her ear. "I don't have to think about it Liv. I want you. I've always wanted you."

"Elliot." She whispered.

He pulled her hair back and placed a kiss on her neck. "Always you." He placed open mouthed kisses on her neck and pressed his body into hers. "Stay." He whispered against her neck. "Please stay."

Olivia lay her head back against his shoulder and wrapped her arms up around his neck as he continued to place kisses on her neck and her ear. "Yes, I want to stay."

Elliot dropped his hands to her waist and pulled her body back against his. He ran one hand under her sweater and flattened his palm against her abdomen. He felt the muscles contract beneath his touch and he moaned into her ear because he loved how her body responded to his.

Olivia lifted her head and twisted her body around, so Elliot's hand was on her lower back. She cupped his face in her hands and pressed her mouth against his, trailing her tongue along his lower lip. He opened his mouth to her and she quickly dipped her tongue into his mouth, finding his and deepening the kiss.

Elliot ran his hands down to her ass as Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck, forcing their bodies against each other. Elliot lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Elliot pushed her up against the door and rocked into her, already getting hard as he pressed intimately against her. Olivia's head dropped back against the door and she let out a small moan. She had wanted this for so long…she had been thinking about this for weeks and she knew it wasn't going to take much to make her come tonight.

Elliot buried his face in the V of her cleavage, using his mouth and his tongue against her skin.

"Take me to bed Elliot." She whispered, pressing her hips into him as he held her against the door.

He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. He got a grin on his face and he hoisted their bodies off the door. He walked them towards the bedroom, and he kept knocking into walls as Olivia ran her hand across his chest and trailed her tongue along the shell of his ear. Before they could reach the bedroom, she had her mouth on his and he ran into the doorframe, almost dropping her.

"Shit." He said and she laughed. She dropped her legs and grabbed his hand, leading him over to the bed. She turned towards him and grabbed the hem of her sweater, pulling it over her head in one quick motion.

She reached for the button of her jeans and had the zipper down before he could even reach her. He grabbed her hands and stopped her, placing kisses on her abdomen as tugged her jeans down her hips. He was on his knees as he pulled them off her ankles and he placed his mouth over the small patch of white lace covering her. He inhaled her scent; he could smell her arousal.

 _God he had missed her._

He let out a small growl as he kissed his way back up her abdomen and over her breasts. He could feel her peaked nipples through the lace of her bra and he teased her with his tongue.

She let out a moan and she was done with this teasing. She wanted him buried deep inside of her. There was time for slow later on. She was ready to tell him that when he pulled his mouth from her breast. He scooped her up and tossed her on the bed, and she let out a small scream of surprise.

Elliot stood at the end of the bed as she lay sprawled out there and watched as she propped herself up on her elbows. She was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen…and his eyes traveled the length of her body, taking it all in.

"El…" she said, seemingly embarrassed by his perusal of her.

"You're beautiful Liv." He said. "You've always been so beautiful."

His voice was almost reverent and she was embarrassed. "I had a baby El. My body is never going to be the same."

"it's better." He said, wiggling his eyebrows. "Remind me to thank Elise for those breasts." He kneeled on the bed. "Now let's get that bra off."

She pushed against his chest with her foot, stopping him before he could get any farther onto the bed. "First you…take those off." She said, gesturing with her head. She trailed her tongue across her bottom lip as Elliot stood at the end of the bed. He grabbed the waistband of his sweats and pulled them down, freeing his erection.

 _Jesus_. She hadn't forgotten but this man's body. She felt a shiver run through her body and she clenched her thighs together…the ache between her legs was almost unbearable and she just wanted him.

She pushed herself up and crawled down towards the end of the bed on her hands and knees. She looked up at Elliot as she reached the end and saw Elliot watching her. She leaned over and kissed the tip of his erection and he jumped. She laughed lightly and circled the head with her tongue, spreading the pre-cum gathered there. Elliot tangled his fingers in her hair, torn between wanting her to continue and wanting to pull her off of him and throw her on the bed and take her right then and there.

He groaned as she took him in her mouth and he leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "Fuuuuck." He moaned as she slid her hot mouth up and down his length. He felt a shudder run through his body and he tugged lightly at her hair. She pulled her mouth from him and looked up at him, and she could see the darkness in his eyes. She gave him a wicked smile.

Elliot was on her in a second, lifting her up and pushing her back on the bed. He climbed over her body and dropped his mouth against hers, devouring her mouth with his. He pulled she strap of her bra down her arm and ran his hand around her back, trying to find the clasp. Olivia's hand snaked up between their bodies and released the clasp in the front. Elliot never released her mouth as his hand found her breast. He massaged and kneaded the skin there, pulling at her nipples. Olivia was moaning and pushing her hips up against him.

Olivia spread her legs wider, and she could feel Elliot's erection pressing against her entrance, restrained only by the thin piece of lace. She wanted that barrier gone. _Now_. She ran her hands down Elliot's bare back, scraping the skin with her fingernails. She reached his ass and dug into the hard muscle there, wanting to feel those muscles clenching as he pounded inside her.

Elliot wrenched his mouth from hers. " _Jesus_." He moaned as she bucked her hips up into him while she continued to dig her fingers into his ass.

"I can't wait." She rasped. Her hand dropped down and she was trying to grab the edge of her underwear and drag them down her hips but Elliot was pressed against her. She let out a loud moan. Between his assault on her mouth and neck, his hands on her breast and her erection pressed between her legs…she needed him. "Now. Fuck El."

Elliot wanted to take his time but he knew that wasn't going to happen. He lifted his hips slightly and dragged her underwear down over her hips. He barely got them to her knees before he was pulling her leg to the side, opening her up. He slid his fingers between her thighs and felt how wet she was. He teased her entrance with his fingers but she let out a sound of frustration.

"El. Quit teasing me." She demanded and Elliot had to laugh. It brought back so many memories. The push and pull of their relationship and their sex life.

"You want it Liv?" he asked, lining himself up at her entrance, and teasing her with the tip of his erection. He knocked her clit several times and she let out a few curse words. He knew she was close already; he could always make her come quickly the first time.

"I swear to God…" she started to threaten him but her words were cut off as he wrapped his arm around her thigh and fucked into her, both of them groaning at the sensation of her walls tight around him. He paused for a second, and he could hear her gasping as she tried to adjust to the thick intrusion. He pushed her thigh further up as she pulled out slightly, and then thrust back in. Olivia lifted her hips to meet him and was buried deep. So deep.

" _Jesus Liv."_ He moaned as he dropped his head, feeling her walls clench around him and sending tremors though his entire body. "You feel so good." He knew it sounded cliché, but he didn't know what else to say because she did. His body fit hers perfectly and nothing would ever replace the feeling of being joined with her in the most intimate of ways.

Olivia lifted her hips. "Move El. Please…" she begged, needing to feel him moving inside of her. He filled and stretched her, causing sensations in her body that no man had ever made before. It was another way they were connected; their bodies fitting together perfectly and each taking everything the other had to give.

Elliot started driving into her, setting a punishing rhythm. The room was filled with the slick sounds of skin on skin contact and Olivia tried to get a grip on Elliot's shoulders…on his back…but the sheen of perspiration wasn't letting her and she grabbed the sheets next to the bed in her fists and held on tightly as her body started trembling.

Elliot could feel her body clenching around him and he needed to come…to explode inside of her. His arms were straining as he kept driving into her and he dropped his mouth to her peaked nipple, biting it lightly as he felt her muscles clenching around him.

He looked up at her and saw she had her eyes closed and her head thrown back slightly and her jaw was clenched. She was so fucking beautiful and he was overwhelmed at being here with her and he was gone, his orgasm ripping through his body. He released inside of her, and she followed right behind him. Her walls clenched around him like a vise and milked every ounce he had to give. His arms gave out and he fell on his forearms, peppering her chest with kisses as her body continued to shudder around him.

" _Jesusfuckingchrist_." He moaned against her skin and those weren't words he normally would say but he thought that God himself would excuse him because being with her like this was more amazing than he had even remembered.

He felt Olivia laugh then and he lifted his head to look at her. He rocked his hips back into her and felt her body jolt beneath him. "Is something funny?" he asked.

She saw the look in her eyes, and watched as she licked her lips. "No. Not at all." She trailed her fingers over his cheek. "I thought I remembered…that I would never forget what this was like." She looked back and forth between his eyes. "I missed you so much."

He pressed his mouth against hers, kissing her deeply. When he pulled back from the kiss, he gave her a big smile. "I missed you too." He slid his hand down her body until he reached her ass, and he rolled over on his back, pulling her on top of him while he was still buried deep inside of her. She lay her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close to him. He placed a kiss in her hair. "Tell me you can stay." He whispered against her hair.

"El is staying overnight at Don's." she said.

Elliot chuckled. "So you knew this was going to happen?" he asked. "Am I that predictable?"

Olivia laughed against his chest, placing a hand on his chest next to her mouth and running her thumb over his nipple. "No, but I was hoping."


	10. Chapter 10

_Just a reminder where we left off at the end of the last chapter._

 _He pressed his mouth against hers, kissing her deeply. When he pulled back from the kiss, he gave her a big smile. "I missed you too." He slid his hand down her body until he reached her ass, and he rolled over on his back, pulling her on top of him while he was still buried deep inside of her. She lay her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, hugging her close to him. He placed a kiss in her hair. "Tell me you can stay." He whispered against her hair._

" _El is staying overnight at Don's." she said._

 _Elliot chuckled. "So you knew this was going to happen?" he asked. "Am I that predictable?"_

 _Olivia laughed against his chest, placing a hand on his chest next to her mouth and running her thumb over his nipple. "No, but I was hoping."_

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot trailed his fingers up her spine, sending a shiver through her body. "Hoping huh?" He pressed his fingers into her lower back. "I have to say that I was surprised to see you standing at my door." He smoothed his hands over her ass.

Olivia lifted her head up and looked at him. "I almost didn't come." She said honestly. He gave her a smirk and she slapped him on the chest. "I'm being serious."

"I know. That's why I didn't say anything." He said, giving her ass a playful squeeze. "So, why did you?" He knew it couldn't have completely been spur of the moment. She had to have called Don, packed up Elise and booked a hotel. So she hadn't made the decision lightly.

"I've just been thinking a lot over the past couple of weeks." She saw the look on Elliot's face. "Stop it." He knew her too well. "I realized that Elise was a tie that was going to bind us together forever. We have to figure out what we're going to be to each other. And we haven't always been the best at figuring that out…" She gave him a small smile, knowing that was the understatement of the year. "Or at least at being honest about it." She trailed her fingers across his chest. "But this time we don't have any choice but to figure it out, so I thought sooner would be better." She placed a kiss on his chest. "And here we are."

Elliot pressed her against him, loving the feeling of being inside her. "Here we are." He said quietly. "I meant what I said before Liv. It's always been you." He flattened his palms and ran them up her back, resting them at her waist. "When I found out about Elise, I was so angry with you. And part of why I was angry was because as mad as I was…I wanted to hug and kiss you and tell you how damn happy I was to see you."

She smiled then because that was a lot of sharing for the normally bottled up Elliot Stabler. "So Elise isn't the only one that has you wrapped around her little finger…" she teased, placing a kiss on his chest.

"Watch it." He growled. 'You still have a lot of making up to do."

She raised an eyebrow at him and then gave him a sly smile. "I can live with that." She lay her head back on his chest and sighed, hearing the beat of his heart. She honestly hadn't been sure of what was going to happen when she showed up here tonight. As she had told Elliot tonight, she had been hopeful.

Elliot wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against him. "I love you." He closed his eyes, letting out a sigh of contentment. He never imagined when he came home today that this was how it would end up.

He woke up to the feel of Olivia's lips placing warm kisses on his chest and her hips grinding against him. She looked up at him from beneath her lashes as she pushed herself up, bracing herself with her hands on his chest. She lifted her hips up slightly and then lowered herself again, rotating her hips. She had woken up from a short catnap to feel Elliot hardening inside of her; she smiled at his body's reaction to her even in sleep.

Elliot groaned. "This is a nice way to wake up." He moaned.

Olivia leaned back, bracing her hands on his upper thighs and let out a moan at the sensations with this change in position. Elliot was already hard inside of her and she lifted her hips and arched her back, as she lifted her hips again and slid slowly down the length of him. He slid his hands up her sides and splayed his hands against her ribcage, watching the muscles in her abdomen contract and her breasts bounce as she slid up and down his erection.

"Mmmm." He moaned at both the feel and sight of her. He slid one hand down her stomach and felt the ridge of a scar low on her abdomen. He ran his finger along it and Olivia faltered, pushing off his thighs and leaning forward, grabbing his hand from her stomach.

"Don't." she whispered, crashing her mouth against his. She was aware of the fact that her body had changed over the years; when they were lovers before her body was still tight and firm, her skin smooth to the touch and her hips and waist narrow. In the heat of the moment earlier, she had forgotten but now she was feeling slightly self-conscious.

Elliot ran his hands down her back, grabbing her hips and rolling them over again. He pushed her leg up to her chest and started a slow rhythm as he peppered her breasts with kisses. His mouth found hers and he kissed her deeply as their bodies rocked together. It was slow and tender; less frantic than before. Olivia was moaning into his mouth and he released her lips. He repeated her name softly as he continued his slow assault on her body. He could feel her body trembling.

"Ellll…" she moaned, clutching at his shoulders and arching her back as she felt the tremors wracking her body. She needed him to move faster…harder. This slow torture was driving her insane…but she knew him and knew he was going to take his time with her.

"We'll get there baby." He whispered against her ear, thrusting into her again. He slid his hand down her body and found her sensitive nub, teasing he with his fingers. He felt her clenching around him. He could feel she was close and he released her then, siding his hand up her body.

"Son of a…" he closed his mouth over hers before she could finish that thought. He released her leg that had been pushed up against her chest and wrapped his arm around her thigh, spreading her legs even more as he rocked into her. He kissed her hard and he knew he was knocking her clit now with this new position by the way her body was trembling and the way she was digging her nails into his shoulders.

He ripped his mouth from hers as he felt her walls around him like a vise…trapping him deep inside of her as her muscles tightened around him. He swore as his own orgasm tore through his body and he dropped his head against her breasts as she clenched around him.

When their breathing had slowed, he pulled out of her slowly and collapsed on the bed next to her. Olivia dropped her legs on the bed, achingly sore from having him buried inside of her for so long. Elliot rolled over on his side and splayed his hand on her abdomen.

"You OK?" he asked.

"I'm going to be sore tomorrow." She said. "I do yoga but I don't usually get a workout like that." She said, laughing lightly.

Elliot gave her a mischievous grin. "Well maybe you can give up your yoga class…" he said. He fingers trailed down her body, and Olivia put her hand on top of his, trapping his hand against her skin.

He propped himself up on one elbow and looked down at their hands. "Does your scar bother you?" he asked. "Does it hurt?"

She got a puzzled look on her face. "Hurt? No." Her hand left his and she covered it.

"Then what?"

She looked away from him because she had never been a vain person, but she was very conscious of her body now and she didn't know why.

Elliot pushed himself up and climbed over her body, trapping her things between his legs. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips, then trailed kisses down her jawline and the swell of her breasts. He looked up at her and grinned. "Your beautiful Olivia."

"El…stop." She said quietly.

He placed gentle, open mouthed kisses along her abdomen and then trailed his kiss down to her scar. He placed gentle kisses along her scar, his hands resting on her hips. She trembled slightly as he kissed his way back up her body and she turned her head to the side, avoiding his gaze.

Elliot turned her head, forcing her to look at him.

"I know what you're going to say." She said.

"Well, I'm going to say it anyway." He smiled at her. "You've always been the most beautiful woman I know. And yes, your body has changed. But because you gave birth to my daughter. And that's the most beautiful thing in the world. I don't care about a little scar."

"It makes me feel ugly."

"Are you kidding me? I think it's sexy as hell. I have scars all over my body."

"That's different."

"Is it? I don't think so." He placed a kiss on her nipple. "You know what? I like your new curves." He ran one hand up her body and wrapped it around her breast, feeling the weight of it in his hand. "You've always been sexy as hell, but even more so now."

She opened her mouth to voice her objection. She never did well with compliments.

"Stop." He said, placing his mouth over hers. "I'm not going to listen to any more of this talk. OK?"

She sucked her bottom lip under her teeth. "OK." She lifted her head and placed a quick kiss on his lips. "I'm hungry." She said and Elliot laughed as he hoisted himself up.

"Tell you what. You take a hot shower and I'll get dinner." He moved off the bed and snagged his sweats off the floor, pulling them on as he eyed her lying on the bed. He let out a sigh, his eyes roving over her body.

"Food." She said, pointing towards the door.

"Clean towels are in the closet."

EOEOEOEO

She took a long, hot shower, relishing the heat as it washed over her body. She was going to wake up stiff and sore. When she got out of the shower, she saw Elliot had left a pair of sweatpants and one of his NYPD t-shirts for her to wear. She towel-dried her hair and got dressed and padded out into the living room. Elliot was sitting on the couch and her nostrils were assaulted with the smell of food from her favorite Chinese take-out.

She raised an eyebrow and smiled.

He gave her a big grin. "I promised you I'd get you Chinese the last time I was at your house."

"But they don't deliver here." She said, plopping down on the couch next to him, her mouth watering at the smell.

"I paid extra." He said. He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Wrapped around your little finger, remember?"

She laughed as she piled food on her plate. Elliot moved back on the couch and spread his legs to make room for her. He tugged at her arm and she laughed as she scooted back between his legs with her plate of food. "Aren't you going to eat?" she asked, taking a bite of chicken.

He put his chin on her shoulder. "I thought maybe you'd share with me."

Olivia laughed and stabbed another bite of chicken with her fork and fed it to him. "Your ridiculous."

"You always shared with me before."

"Shared, but I didn't feed you."

"Yeah, well things change." He said, wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her entire body snug against his body.

She leaned back and kissed his cheek. "They do." She said, wiggling her butt slightly against him. "But I'm starving and I'm going to eat." She continued to eat and occasionally gave Elliot a bite and they just enjoyed the silence for a few minutes; no conversation was necessary.

When she was finally full, she set her plate down and leaned back against Elliot. He still had one hand wrapped around her waist and he rested his other hand on her thigh. He slid his hand under the hem of her t-shirt and splayed his hand across her stomach. The waistband of his sweats hung low on her hips and he dipped his fingers beneath the waistband. He leaned his head against hers, feeling her damp curls against his skin.

"I'm so happy that you're here." He said. He would always think it amazing to make love to her; to have her body intertwined with his. But it was moments like this…just being together…that he had surprisingly missed the most. The feeling of contentment and peace in their otherwise chaotic life. "I missed this so much."

"Me too." She murmured, her eyes closed as Elliot's lips brushed her cheek.

"We have a lot of things to figure out."

Her eyes opened and she lifted her head. She had been so focused on the discussion about their relationship…hoping for the best and preparing for the worst… that she really hadn't thought about after. What a change in their relationship would mean in her life. Or Elise's.

"We do." She said, sitting up now.

Elliot laughed and pulled her back towards him, wrapping his arms around her. "We don't have to figure it out right now. Relax."

She laughed a little and relaxed against his body. "You're right." She said, letting out a sigh.  
We'll figure it out tomorrow."

"Did you get enough to eat?" he whispered in her ear.

"Yeah, I'm good."

Elliot slid his hand back across her stomach and tugged at the waistband of her sweatpants. "Let's go to bed."

EOEOEOEO

Olivia woke up in the morning, surprised at the sunlight pouring through the window. She rolled over in the bed and saw that it was empty. She looked at the clock and saw it was almost 9. She sat up and her muscles groaned in protest. The muscles in her thighs screamed at her and the ache between her legs reminded her of how much her life had changed in the last 24 hours.

She saw a glass of water and some aspirin by the bed and she smiled. She took a few and swallowed them down before pulling on her discarded sweatpants and t-shirt on the floor. She walked out into the living room, trying to loosen up. She saw Elliot sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee. He jumped up when he saw her.

"I didn't hear you. Do you want some coffee?" He walked into the kitchen and she watched him, his jeans slung low on his hips and she smiled. He could compliment her all wanted but the body on that man was a sin.

"Checking me out Benson?" he teased as he turned and saw her staring.

She smiled. "You know I just want you for your body."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He handed her a mug of coffee.

She took it and sat down slowly.

"A little sore?" he asked, a cocky grin on his face.

She gave him a look and shook her head. _Cocky son of a bitch_.

He sat down next to her. "So I don't know what you had planned for today, but I thought maybe would could pick up Elise and do something. I think it's warm enough that we could go to the Central Park Zoo or something like that. What do you think?"

"Aren't you still on call?"

"Yeah, but hopefully I won't get called in." he said. "I want to see her." He hadn't seen her for two weeks and he couldn't believe how much he missed her.

"That sounds like a great plan." She was excited to spend the day together in the city. She missed it more than she realized. When she was in Connecticut, it was kind of this abstract thought. But when she was here, it hit her a lot harder. "I need to go to the hotel and get some clean clothes and then we can go pick her up. I just have to give Don a call."

"Did he know you were coming over here last night?" Elliot asked.

"Yeah, I told him we were trying to work out a schedule." She smiled.

"That's what you told him?"

"What did you think I was going to tell him? That I was coming over here and that hopefully you would decide you still wanted to be together and that I could seduce you?"

"He seems to know everything else about us." He joked.

"I told him that I wasn't sure how late we were going to be so I needed to have Elise stay overnight. He was tickled to have her. They make pancakes in the morning."

Elliot couldn't really envision Cragen in the kitchen making pancakes, but if Olivia said that's what they did, then he had to believe it. "I'd pay money to see that." He said.

"Go get dressed." Olivia said. "And I'll call Don."

When Elliot got out of the shower, he saw Olivia had redressed in the clothes she had worn last night. He got dressed quickly as Olivia cleaned up dinner from the night before and washed out their coffee mugs. He came into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around her from behind. "I could get used to this." He said, placing a kiss on her cheek.

She pushed backwards with her butt. "Well don't."

She wiped her hands on the towel and twisted around. She gave him a quick kiss. "Let's go get our girl."


	11. Chapter 11

_I'm so glad people are enjoying this story and I really, really appreciate all of the reviews people are leaving. I love to hear what you think! Here's the next chapter. Thanks for your patience. I'm updating as quickly as I can._

EOEOEOEO

Elliot had barely made through the door of Cragen's apartment before he heard a screech and Elise was barreling into him. He took a step back and almost knocked Olivia over his haste as Elise practically climbed up his body.

"Daddy. Daddy." Elliot beamed at how excited she was to see him and he scooped her up and planted a big kiss on her cheek.

"So that's how it's going to be, huh?" said Olivia in a teasing tone, but he saw the look on her face. He pulled her in with his arm and once again Elise was repeating _Elise sandwich_ over and over again for the next minute until Olivia shushed her.

Don ushered them inside, and Olivia could see the lines of fatigue on his face. "Did she wear you out?" she asked. She knew their daughter was a bundle of energy and stubborn to boot, and she could be handful when you weren't used to spending a long time with her. Typically, Don spent time at their house where there was plenty to distract her, so she knew she owed him for this.

"She was fine. We had fun." He said, smiling and patting her on the head as she ran back into his living room.

Elliot and Olivia followed and saw toys and coloring books and games strewn around the room.

Olivia groaned. "Elise Serena Benson. Look at the mess you left behind. Didn't I teach you to pick up your toys when you're done with them?"

Elliot looked at her oddly. He realized that he had never even asked Olivia her full name or seen her birth certificate. He felt like an idiot. "You named her after your mom."

"Yeah, well." Olivia wanted to have a piece of her mother's legacy.

He smiled. "I like it, but we have to fix her last name."

"What's wrong with Benson?" she asked.

He shrugged his shoulders and another grin spread across his face. "Nothing. I'm just saying."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves." She teased back.

Cragen cleared his throat to remind him he was there. "You guys spent all last night to talk things

through. Hell, you've had the last two months. And you haven't even talked about your daughter's name?" he asked, shaking his head. "What the hell have you been talking about?" He shook his head and sat down, stacking up the coloring books on the table.

Olivia looked at Eliot and smiled. "We can talk later."

EOEOEOEOEO

They were walking through Central Park to the Zoo; Elise walking between Elliot and Olivia and holding on to one of each of their hands. She was so excited and was tugging them towards the entrance.

"I haven't been to the zoo for years." Said Elliot. He tried to remember when it had been, and he realized it had probably been at least ten years.

"The only thing I think of when you say Central Park is crime scenes." Said Olivia. "So this is kind of fun."

Elise tore her hand away from theirs and ran up to see hand on the bars of the first animal she saw. She ran from exhibit to exhibit and he watched as Olivia trailed after her, kneeling next to her and explaining what she was looking at. He loved to watch them together; the little girl an exact replica of her mother. He wished he had a camera so he could capture some photos of the two of them, but deep down he knew he didn't need one because every memory from now on would be etched in his memory forever.

He saw Olivia look up at him and smile as Elise was talking to her about something and he was suddenly so thankful she was back in his life. He had another chance. _They_ had another chance. He had to make sure they didn't let any of their usual bullshit get in their way.

They had finally reached the small lagoon with seals and Elliot and Olivia sat down on one of the benches while Olivia hung on the railing, watching the seals play in the water. "I'm glad you two could spend the day here." He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and kissed her on the temple.

Olivia lay her head on his shoulder. "Me too." She couldn't help but smile at how right all of this felt.

Elliot took her hand in his and tangled their fingers together. "Stay tonight." He said, pressing his mouth against her temple.

"El. I have to go to work tomorrow."

"I just don't want this day to end."

"I know. I don't either." She said running her thumb over the back of his hand. She saw Elise talking to a little boy that was standing next to her and she smiled because she was so glad that Elise was so friendly and open to people. So different than she was as a child. "Look at your daughter." She said.

Elliot had been watching her. "Yeah?"

"Look at her talking to that little boy." She said.

Elliot groaned. He had been so focused on Olivia and Elise, he hadn't even noticed the little boy next to her. "It's starting already. I'll get rid of him." He teased, moving as if he were going to get up off the bench.

"Elliot." Olivia said, putting a hand on his thigh, and then laughing when she realized he was joking. He leaned back against the bench and pulled her close to him again. "El, I'm glad you're here for her. I don't want her to have a messed up childhood like I did."

"We both had messed up childhoods." He said, placing another kiss on her temple. "But we turned out OK."

"I want more for her." Olivia said. She would do anything to make sure of it.

"She's a wonderful kid Liv. _You_ did that." He nodded his head towards Elise. "And now I'm here to help. She's going to grow up to do amazing things." He squeezed her against his body. "I know it."

Olivia sighed. "She is pretty amazing. Sometimes I just look at her and I'm just in awe." She watched as Elise turned, looking for them. She spotted them and ran over to the, crawling up onto Olivia's lap and looking at Elliot.

"I'm hungry." She said.

Olivia kissed the top of her head. "Let's go get something to eat." She looked up at Elliot. "Is that OK with you?"

Elliot nodded and stood up, scooping Elise out of Olivia's lap and tugged Olivia up with his free hand. He smiled at her. "Anything for my girls."

EOEOEOEOEO

They hadn't even made their way out of Central Park before Elise was sound asleep against Elliot's shoulder. They kept walking and finally emerged on 72nd Street.

Elliot turned to Olivia. "Liv. Please stay tonight. Elise is exhausted. We can go home and let her sleep and then I'll make dinner and we can just hang out. Watch a movie or…"

Olivia saw the pleading look in his eye and she couldn't fight him because she wanted to stay. "OK. OK." She placed a hand on Elise's back. "We'll stay." She sighed. All of their stuff was at Don's. They had swung by the hotel on their way over so she could change, and had left everything, including her car, at Don's. Getting to Central Park via cab was so much easier.

"Let's get back to my place. We can let Elise sleep and I'll go to Don's and get your stuff and the car and then I'll get some groceries for dinner. Problem solved." He leaned in and gave her a kiss. "I'm glad you're staying." He held up a hand and hailed a cab and they headed back to his apartment.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot had only been gone about a half an hour when Olivia heard a knock at the door. Had Elliot forgotten his key? She rushed over to the door and pulled it open. But instead of Elliot on the other side, she saw Kathy Stabler. She didn't know which one of the was more shocked.

"Kathy." She said, unable to keep the surprise out of her voice.

"Olivia." She said, her voice cold and impersonal. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised to see you here." She said. "I heard you were back."

"I'm not back. I mean…I don't live here in the city anymore." She wasn't sure why she was explaining this to her; especially since she hadn't even asked.

"Is Elliot here?" she asked, not interested in making small talk with his husband's girlfriend.

"Elliot?" Olivia asked, unable to focus on the conversation. The only thing she could think about was Elliot's version of the conversation between the two of them with regards to her and Elise.

"Yes, Elliot." She said, impatience in her tone. "I've been trying to reach him all afternoon and I thought he was avoiding me but now I can see why."

Olivia recalled Elliot's phone buzzing while they were at the zoo. He had looked at it a few times, but had ignored it, so she had just assumed it wasn't anything urgent. "No, he wasn't avoiding you." _Lie._ "I don't know why he didn't answer." _Why was she making excuses?_ She guessed it was because of the guilt that still lodged itself in her gut whenever Kathy's name came up. "He had to run out but he should be back soon." _Should she invite her in?_

"I was in the city today and I was hoping to talk to him about a few things before I head back to Queens." She said, not making any attempt to leave.

Olivia was torn. She didn't really want to invite her in, but then again, the two of them were going to have to learn to get along at some time or another. Probably the sooner the better based on the fact that she and Elliot's relationship was back on. "Why don't you come in?" she said, stepping back to allow room for her to walk into the foyer.

Kathy hesitated a second and Olivia could tell she was trying to decide what to do. Kathy started walking into the apartment, and Olivia assumed Kathy's goal wasn't the same. Kathy looked around as Olivia closed the door. Was she trying to figure out of Olivia had moved in?

"Do you want something to drink?" Olivia asked. She realized now, as Kathy sat down in Elliot's living room, that his was a bad idea. A horrible idea. What had she been thinking?

She sat down in one of the chairs because Kathy was sitting on the couch. She didn't even know what to say to the woman. There seemed to be so many topics that were off-limits, and she didn't want to bring up anything about she and Elliot. That was for Elliot to tell her.

Thankfully, Kathy broke the ice with a question she could answer.

"So where are you living now?" she asked.

"I live in Connecticut. On the outskirts of Bridgeport." She felt a sense of relief. Something that was safe to talk about. "I bought a small house there. I had some inheritance from my mother that I had never used, so it helped with a down payment."

"Are you a cop there then?"

"No." she said, and then quickly reminded herself not to bring up how being a cop when your pregnant isn't ideal. "I found another way that I can help victims. I'm more of a combination social worker, advocate, and counselor."

Kathy nodded, and Olivia was sure that she didn't really care what Olivia did.

"Mommy?"

Olivia groaned mentally. She had been silently praying that Elise stayed asleep. She turned in her chair to see her daughter rubbing her eyes and holding on to a stuffed elephant that Elliot had bought for her at the zoo.

"Come here baby." She held out her arms, not looking at Kathy as Elise walked across the room and let Olivia scoop her into her lap. She leaned against Olivia's chest and closed her eyes as Olivia rocked her gently. It always took the little girl some time to wake up and Olivia normally loved this time because it was one of the few times she got to snuggle with her daughter.

Now the only thing she could feel was Kathy's eyes on her.

She looked up and saw she was right. Kathy's eyes were moving between Elise and Olivia, assessing.

"This is my daughter, Elise." Olivia said, now almost cringing at the name that was so similar to Elliot's. Elise turned her head to look at the visitor.

"Hi." She said softly, remembering the manners she was taught. She turned back and looked up at her mother. "Who is that? Is she a friend of Daddy's?"

Olivia cringed again because she knew Kathy was probably fuming in her chair. To her credit, she didn't say anything. Olivia chose to ignore explaining their relationship. "This is Kathy."

Elise turned to look at Kathy and then looked at Olivia again. "I'm hungry." She said.

Olivia was glad for the distraction, because she wanted to get Elise out of the same room with Kathy. "How about if I get you a snack and then you can watch TV in the bedroom while I talk to Kathy?" She could see the look on Elise's face; marveling at the stroke of good luck. She wiggled off Olivia's lap and ran to the kitchen. Olivia excused herself and followed her. She found some crackers in the cupboard and poured her a glass of water. As Elise trotted out of the kitchen, she walked over to Kathy. She stood right in front of her and Olivia held her breath, wondering what she was going to say to her.

"Goodbye. It was nice to meet you." She said, holding out her hand, and Oliva closed her eyes. Why had she taught his child such good manners? She opened her eyes to see Kathy's reaction, but she knew that she wouldn't take her anger out on a child. She saw Kathy's eyes flicker up to Olivia's. She took Elise's hand and shook it gently.

"Goodbye Elise." She said.

Elise ran off into the bedroom and Olivia followed her. She got her settled and found the Disney channel and closed the door, letting her know she would check on her in a little bit. She walked back into the living room and saw Kathy right where she left her.

Olivia sat back down, a sigh escaping. She needed Elliot to get home now, take care of whatever Kathy needed and get her out of here. She was starting to wish she had driven back to Connecticut.

"She looks like you." Kathy said.

Olivia wasn't sure why she had made that comment. _Was she trying to point out that Elise didn't look like Elliot?_ She decided she wasn't going to read too much into it. "Yes. She does."

"I have to say that I was surprised to hear about her."

And there it was. She had hoped to avoid any serious conversation about this.

"Kathy, this is between you and Elliot." Olivia said. "I don't really think…"

Kathy let out a strangled laugh. "This is between me and Elliot? You're joking right? Ever since you walked into our lives, everything that's happened has been between the three of us. Elliot didn't make any decision without considering both women in his life."

"That's not true." Olivia objected. "I was the job. But you and the kids were his family." She remembered what Elliot had told her about their conversation. "Elliot never cheated on you."

Kathy stood up and walked over to the windows, her arms cross in front of her. "You and Elliot sound like a broken record. I know you'd both like to believe that, but if Elliot hadn't been partnered with you, or had switched partners one of the dozens of times I asked him to, we wouldn't be standing here today." She turned to face Olivia. "You can't argue with that."

Olivia didn't have anything to say to that and she was trying not to let her insecurities creep up on her. Elliot had assured her that he was right where he wanted to be and she had to believe that.

"I can't argue with that because I don't know. But you also don't know what would have happened to your marriage even if Elliot and I hadn't been partners." She wanted to remind Kathy of all of the times she had sent Elliot home; had been more concerned about his marriage than he had been. But she kept her mouth shut.

"Did you do a paternity test?" Kathy asked.

Olivia furrowed her brow. "Excuse me?" she asked, standing up.

"Are you sure she's Elliot's? Did he even ask you?"

Olivia was furious now but she tried to hold her tongue. Her daughter was in the next room. She took a few steps towards Kathy. "He didn't have to ask. She's his daughter."

"You may have him fooled Olivia, but you can't tell me that you weren't sleeping with anyone else. He's so naïve. That child doesn't look anything like him." She pointed back towards the bedrooms.

Olivia wanted to slap her. She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I think I made a mistake." She said.

Kathy smiled at her triumphantly. "And Elliot's going to find that out when I talk him into having a paternity test. No reason he should support a child that isn't his."

"I don't mean about that. I mean by inviting you in." She took another step towards her and Kathy took a step back, slightly intimidated by her. "I think it's time for you to leave."

Kathy opened her mouth to argue but then must have thought better of it. "OK I'm going to leave, but I'm still going to talk to Elliot and make sure he's not letting you make a fool out of him." She said as she walked towards the door.

"The only person that's acting like a fool is you. Elise is Elliot's daughter." She caught up with Kathy at the door. She snagged her by the arm and Kathy turned towards her, her eyes flashing. Olivia dropped her hand. "You and I are going to have to learn to get along for the sake of Elliot and all of the kids. But I won't let you treat my daughter like somehow she's something less than your kids."

Kathy was too angry for words, and she turned back, wrenching the door open. She started to march out the door and Olivia saw Elliot coming down the hall, her and Elise's bags draped over one shoulder and a bag of groceries in his arm. Kathy stopped cold and Elliot looked back and forth between Kathy and Olivia. He could see the anger on both of their faces.

"What the hell's going on?"


	12. Chapter 12

_AN: I'm sorry I didn't get an update out sooner. SVU last night really threw me into a spiral and I just couldn't write. But maybe getting back into some EO goodness will help. Can't hurt. Thanks for all of the reviews. I really, really appreciate it._

 _EOEOEOEO_

 _This is from the end of the last chapter:_

 _Kathy was too angry for words, and she turned back, wrenching the door open. She started to march out the door and Olivia saw Elliot coming down the hall, her and Elise's bags draped over one shoulder and a bag of groceries in his arm. Kathy stopped cold and Elliot looked back and forth between Kathy and Olivia. He could see the anger on both of their faces._

" _What the hell's going on?"_

EOEOEOEO

Kathy started moving again and stopped two feet away from Elliot. "I've been trying to reach you all day. I need to talk to you about your son."

Elliot's eyes flicked over to Olivia and then back to Kathy.

"Why didn't you return my call? Too busy with your _partner_?" The insinuation in the word partner wasn't lost on Elliot. Or Olivia.

Elliot saw Olivia disappear into the apartment and he turned to Kathy, who was now standing with her hands on her hips and a look of impatience on her face.

"I was going to call you back tonight when I got home." He said, trying to remain calm, while wondering how long she had been there. _Had she and Olivia been talking?_ Based on the upset look on both of their faces, he assumed so. "Can't this wait until tomorrow?" he asked.

"Oh, I see what the priority is here." She said loudly.

Elliot clenched his jaw, rage coursing through his body. They were getting too loud and he knew he had to get this fight out of the hallway before his neighbors called the police. Wouldn't that be irony.

He was just about to suggest they take it outside when he saw Olivia at the door again, Elise in her arms with her jacket on. _No. No. No._

Olivia caught his eye as she moved down the hallway towards where Elliot and Kathy were standing.

"Liv." Elliot said, his attention shifting from Kathy to her as she walked towards them. He moved to block her way, and he saw her shoot a look at Kathy as she placed a protective hand over the back of Elise's head and pressed it to her shoulder.

"We're just going to give you some space." She said. "So you guys can talk." She didn't want to get in the middle of this. They obviously had stuff to work out, and she didn't want Elise to be around this; especially with Kathy's attitude towards her. She pushed past Elliot and turned down the hallway towards the elevator, not stopping as she heard Elliot call her name again.

Elliot didn't chase after her. He still had their overnight bags, so he was reasonably sure she wasn't running back to Connecticut. _Reasonably sure_.

He looked back at Kathy. "Let's take this inside." He motioned towards the door. He could see the uncertainty on her face and he was sure she was starting to rethink this entire confrontation. Because she knew he was pissed.

She turned and headed back through the open apartment door, and Elliot followed, dropping the duffle bags by the door and setting the groceries on the counter.

He turned to go into the living room and saw Kathy standing there, her arms crossed over her chest, looking at him.

He wanted to ask her what she and Olivia had discussed, or what she had said to her, but he knew the argument was only going to escalate at that point, so he decided to focus on why the hell she had shown up in the first place. "So do you want to tell me what's so goddamned urgent that you had to talk to me today?"

"I needed to talk to you about your son. You remember him, right?"

Elliot rolled his eyes. "Cut the drama Kathy. I just saw he and Liz." Kathy had never been this dramatic in their married life. Sure, they'd had their share of fights over the years; accusations flying. But it usually ended up with her in tears and him storming off. This was something different.

"Well did he tell you that he's failing Math and barely passing Biology?"

Elliot shifted on his feet, realizing his son had skillfully avoided that question when he asked how he was doing in school. He had brought up Liz's boyfriend and his attention had been diverted. "No."

"I don't know what to do with him anymore. I've tried everything. I'm out of options and you have to step in. I realize that you're busy with your new daughter…"

"Goddamnit!" he swore. "Why do you have to do that?"

"I'm not doing anything. You're the one that's been spending all of your time with her and ignoring your own kids."

"My own kids? What do you mean by that?" He hoped she slipped up and wasn't insinuating what he thought she was. "What did you say to Olivia?"

Kathy let out a huff. "I didn't say anything that didn't need to be said."

Elliot was trying to remain calm; he honestly didn't know who this woman was standing in front of him. She'd never been this bitter before and he was trying to understand where she was coming from because he knew they had to figure this out for his kid's sake.

He took a deep breath. They weren't going to get anywhere screaming at each other. They had tried that for years, as had he and Olivia. He needed to calm down. "Sit down." He said and Kathy looked surprised at the sudden turn in the conversation and the eerie calm in Elliot's tone. She hesitated a second, watching the way his jaw was clenching and his body tensed, deciding that the storm wasn't over yet, but she let out another sigh and sat down.

Elliot sat down in the chair across from her. He swiped a hand over his face. "I need you to listen to me. Because I feel like we've had this conversation but you haven't heard me." He said, his tone angry but controlled. "We were married for over twenty years and I wouldn't take that back for anything. I love the family we made and the years we had together. We tried at a second chance. But we both agreed after I moved back that things weren't working out. That I loved you but I wasn't _in love_ with you anymore." He watched her eyes and he knew she couldn't deny it. That was exactly how they left things.

"You know that I love Olivia and I'm sorry because I know that's not what you want to hear. But it happened. That's why it didn't work out for us. Elise _is_ my daughter. I don't have any question about that. None. And we _all_ had a role in me missing the first four years of her life. Olivia, me and _you_."

Kathy started to object but he raised a hand to stop her. "We had this conversation too. Many times. It was precisely _because_ of my kids that she left. And you were a big part of that. So you can't sit there and tell me you're innocent." His tone was starting to escalate but he was on a roll and he wasn't going to stop now. "So I'm sorry if I've spent the last two months getting to know my daughter and I haven't seen the other kids as much, but I have four years to make up for! And I don't really think they give a crap. It's _you_ that's making an issue out of it!" He said, now having to stand up because anger was rolling through him in waves and he was trying to keep a cool head so he could get this out.

"I told you before that if you ever do anything to make Elise feel like she's some kind of bastard child that I was not going to tolerate it. So I'm cutting you some slack this time because I know you're trying to deal with this change in reality. But she's my daughter, she's not going anywhere, and the sooner you accept that the sooner we can move forward."

He could see tears in her eyes; she had never handled it well when Elliot was yelling, and he felt a flash of guilt because she had never asked for any of this. But he was so tired of having this same argument with her.

He let out a heavy sigh. "Do you think that my relationship with Olivia and Elise cancels out the twenty some years we were together?" He asked. "Do you think that it means that I never loved you or that I don't care about the kids?" he said. "You don't know me very well if you think that I'm one of those men that gets a family and just leaves the old one behind. That's not me Kathy. You know that."

"I always thought you'd come back. That you'd get her out of your system and come back to me." She said. Even after he left the second time, she thought they could make it work out. That he just needed time to get her out of his heart and mind and realize what he'd left behind. "When I heard she was back and that there was a child…I just knew that I lost you forever and I can't handle it." She sobbed then. "You are the first man and the only man I've ever loved."

Elliot didn't know what to do with that confession. He wanted to tell her that she'd find someone else, but he knew that's not what she wanted to hear. His tone softened. "Kathy, I'm sorry. I really am. I know this wasn't how you planned on things happening, but it did. So now we have to figure out what our relationship is going to be and you have to know that it's over between you and me…like that. I'm still here for the kids. And I want to be there for you too…but as a friend."

Kathy snorted as she turned her attention to her hands in her lap. _A friend_. She wanted her husband, not a friend. She honestly didn't know if she could ever forgive Olivia for seducing her husband and tearing him away from his family.

"Kathy?"

She looked up at him and he could see a mixture of anger and sadness. "I don't need a friend Elliot. And I think it's pretty presumptuous of you to ask me to be friends with the woman that stole my husband. I told you that before. What do you think? I'm going to call her up and we're going to meet for a cup of coffee?"

"I'm not asking you to be friends for God's sake." Elliot was surprised that she was still holding on to the anger of he and Olivia's relationship. He thought they'd gotten past that when Olivia had left. Maybe she could have if it was just that he and Olivia were together again; maybe it was Elise that had driven her over the edge again. "I just need us all to find a place where we can all co-exist and get past the anger and the accusations and the bullshit."

She stood up. "Maybe I'll get there one day." Her tone was shaky and she swiped a tear from her face. "Right now, I just need you to be a father to your kids." She started walking to the door. "I'll expect to see you at the house tomorrow to talk some sense into your son." She opened the door and slammed it shut behind her before Elliot could get another word in.

He groaned and rested his head in his hands. _What a fucking mess_. He lifted his head and looked at his watch. He had no idea how much time had passed since Olivia left with Elise, but it couldn't have been more than half an hour. He had to call her and figure out where she was. But he had another phone call to make first. He stood up and fished his phone out of his pocket.

"Dick." He said when the caller answered. "We need to talk."

EOEOEOEO

Olivia had left Elliot's apartment with only one thing in mind and that was getting Elise as far away from the shit storm as possible. They still hadn't eaten dinner, so she was happy to find a small Italian restaurant just two blocks down from Elliot's apartment. She was starving and Elise was getting cranky because she hadn't eaten either.

They were munching on breadsticks and she was trying to keep Elise entertained, but her mind was on the conversation Elliot and Kathy were having right now. She wasn't under any delusion that it would be reasonable; Kathy had obviously changed since she had seen her last. And she felt bad for any role she had played in that happening. The old Olivia would have left again, but the new Olivia wasn't going anywhere. This wasn't just about her anymore. She looked over at her daughter and knew there was no going back now.

They had just gotten their food when her phone rang. She saw it was Elliot and she answered right away.

"Hey." He said and she could hear the strain in his voice.

"Hey." She replied. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah." He sighed. "Just worn out." It was the truth. Between his fight with Kathy and his "discussion" with Dick, he was emotionally and physically drained. "Where are you?" He asked, bracing himself.

She laughed, hearing the fear in his voice. "Calm down. We're at dinner. Biaggi's." She heard a sigh of relief. "Where did you think we went?" she asked, not able to resist messing with him a little.

"With the way things are going, I honestly don't know. Can I join you?" he asked.

"You know what? We'll be done by the time you get here. I'll just order something for you to go and we will bring it back with us." She said. "How does that sound?"

He let out a sigh, laying his head back on the couch. "That sounds wonderful."

EOEOEOEO

He heard a knock on the door and realized he had fallen asleep. He jumped up to get the door and saw Olivia trying to juggle a sleepy Elise and a bag of food.

"Sorry." He said, wondering how long she had been standing there. He scooped Elise out of her arms and Olivia sighed with relief.

"She's getting too big for me to carry. Especially that far." She set the food down on the kitchen counter. She watched as Elliot set her gently on the couch and took off her coat. Elise never moved a muscle.

"Should she be asleep this early?" he asked, noticing it was just 7 o'clock.

"No, but she's worn out. It means she'll probably be up really early." She reached for her feet and took off Elise's shoes. "Or in the middle of the night." She grinned at him. "That's my favorite."

Elliot picked her up off the couch and they walked back to the spare bedroom. Olivia got her changed into her pajamas and tucked into bed and they both kissed her good night. They walked into the kitchen and Elliot unloaded the food she had picked up for him. Olivia grabbed two beers and they moved into the living room.

"Do you want to talk?" Elliot asked, assuming she had a million questions about his discussion with Kathy, and knowing he had a few of his own.

"Do you care if we don't?" she asked. She just wanted to enjoy a few peaceful hours with him. No kids. No Kathy. Because she knew that tomorrow she had no choice but to get in the car and head back to Connecticut.

"I think there's a Ranger's game on." Elliot said, wanting to give her the space she was requesting. He knew they'd talk at some point.

"That's fine." She'd watch anything as long as they could avoid any serious discussion. They'd had enough of that. She plopped down the couch with a heavy sigh. She lay down and stretched out and threw an arm over her eyes.

"Hey. Where am I supposed to sit?" he asked, standing with his food in his hand. His eyes roved over her body stretched out in front of him.

"Chair." She muttered. It felt so good to just lie down and relax. It had been a long, busy day and now her stomach was full of pasta.

Elliot set his plate down on the coffee table. "I wanted to sit with you."

Olivia lifted her arm and looked at him. "Seriously? You can't sit in the chair?"

He leaned over the couch, resting a hand on the back and the other next to her head. "Liv, I've been sitting by myself for the past five years. Now scoot over." He gave her a grin.

"Scoot over? We can't both fit on this couch."

Elliot wiggled his eyebrows. "You have no imagination."

Olivia shook her head slightly; her muscles were still sore from last night and she had no idea what he had in mind.

He tugged at the cushion on the back of the couch that his hand had been resting on, and the whole thing came up. He tossed it on the floor. Then he grabbed the other back cushion down by her legs and did the same thing. "Now move your ass over." He nudged her hip with his knee.

Olivia laughed and moved over slightly. Elliot climbed over her in a second, placing one knee between her legs and resting on his forearms as he lowered his body over hers.

He playfully rubbed her nose with his. "I've been thinking about kissing you all day." He said, placing a chaste kiss on her lips. "Among other things." He said, dropping his mouth to her neck and peppering her with small kisses down to the tiny bit of cleavage showing.

"Aren't you going to eat your dinner?" she asked. "I carried that three blocks for you."

"Oh, I'm going to eat." He said. "Don't worry about that."

Olivia blushed at the insinuation in his voice, and she honestly didn't know why. She wasn't shy about sex; never had been. "You're being ridiculous." She said, propping herself up on her elbows, intending to sit up so he could eat the lasagna she brought him.

He raised an eyebrow at her, and then pushed her back down on the couch. "I'm not being ridiculous." He said as he reached down and untucked her shirt from her jeans. He scooted down her body and placed a kiss on the bare skin of her abdomen, causing her to jump slightly. He looked up at her as he dug his fingers into the waistband of her jeans. "You've always been my favorite meal." Olivia wanted to laugh at how corny he was being but he chose that moment to place his mouth over her jean clad mound and she hissed because damn it, she wanted his mouth on her. _Now_. She let out a slow breath through pursed lips. _How did he do that?_ One minute they're talking about a hockey game and the next minute he had her wanting to shed her clothing.

Her jeans were unbuttoned and unzipped and he was tugging them down her hips and she could feel his warm breath against her skin but she put her hands on his, stopping his motions. "Elise." She whispered. She didn't even want to think about how traumatized her daughter would be if she came out and saw Elliot's head between her thighs. There was no explanation for that.

Elliot seemed to consider what she was saying and she could see him weighing their options. He hadn't had to worry about a small child and a healthy sex life for years. _Damn_. He wanted to make Olivia moan and swear like a sailor and he couldn't do that in the room next to hers. He climbed off the couch and snagged her hand. "Bathroom. We can lock the door."

Olivia cocked her head as if to say _really?_

"Don't look at me like that." He said, laughing quietly as he tugged her down the hall. He pulled her into the bathroom off their bedroom and locked the door. She leaned against the counter, feeling like maybe the moment had passed and wondering if they were ever going to be able to have spontaneous sex again, when Elliot was on her…his hands on her hips, pulling her jeans and underwear to the ground in one quick motion. She lifted her feet as he pulled them over her ankles and he dropped them on the floor.

"El." She said.

Before his name was even off her tongue, he had his hands around her waist and was hoisting her up on the small counter. He pressed his lips to hers, cradling the back of her head with his hand as he kissed her deeply. He pushed her legs apart with his hips and settled his body in between hers. He kissed her hard, bruising her lips as he ran his other hand up and down her thigh. He brushed his hand up her side and then around her bicep, releasing her mouth as he lay her back gently on the counter. She adjusted her long body, trying to find a comfortable position, but then Elliot had his hands on her hips and was tugging her towards the edge of the counter. He kneeled down, placing her thighs on his shoulders and she tensed in anticipation, not sure if she should expect his hands or his tongue.

She could feel his warm breath against her bare skin and she let out a loud moan as he slid his tongue between her folds and his fingers teased her entrance. She hadn't expected both but she wasn't complaining. She was embarrassed at how wet she was already, but she knew she shouldn't be. Elliot loved the affect he had on her body and had told her that on several occasions.

She felt his tongue go to work on her, spreading her wetness, and then his entire mouth was on her clit and she hissed as he sucked her sensitive nub. He slid one finger inside of her and he moaned against her clit, causing her to squirm beneath him. He reached up and placed one hand on her hip, holding her in place. He added a second finger to the first, and his thick fingers stretched and twisted inside of her. He set up a rhythm with his fingers, bending them slightly and hitting her just right. She was unable to move; the hold he had on her keeping her firmly rooted in place. Her thighs clenched around his neck as he kept sucking and teasing her clit with his tongue and then his lips. He was fucking her hard with his fingers, slamming then inside of her and she could only moan in one long stream, her body clutching and tensing as she felt her orgasm building. It didn't take much more of his teasing and finger fucking her that she came hard, clutching at his head, trying to stop his movements against her. He didn't stop, feeling her walls clench around his fingers and the liquid heat rush between her legs. When he finally stilled, her walls continued to constrict around him and her thighs were clenched tight around his head and he was so hard. He wanted to drop his pants and fuck her right here…but this was about her. They had the rest of the night.

He stood up slowly, holding her thighs in his hands as he watched her try to calm her heartbeat and slow her breathing. Her eyes were closed and when he was standing, she opened them and looked at him.

He had a big smile on his face. "You're such a cocky SOB." She said, knowing he loved how he could get her off so quickly.

"Cocky? Maybe. Talented? Fuck yeah." Giving her a big grin.

She shook her head, having no response to that. Because damn, he was.

He helped her sit up and push herself back on the counter. He grabbed a towel and handed it to her. "Here." He grabbed one for himself.

"Are we going to have to have sex in the bathroom from now on?" she laughed.

"Nah." He said, helping her down from the counter. "I'll get a lock on the bedroom door. Now let's go watch the Rangers."


	13. Chapter 13

_Hi everyone! Sorry, this chapter is a little short and kind of a transition chapter but hopefully you're still enjoying the story. I'll try to have another update for you tomorrow!_

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia joined Elliot in the living room a few minutes later, needed a few extra minutes to collect herself. She had changed from her jeans into a pair of leggings and a t-shirt, and she dropped down on the couch, feeling loose limbed and relaxed. She heard the microwave oven beeping, and a few seconds later, Elliot emerged with his plate of lasagna.

He ate quickly while she flipped around the channels, leaning over to get a bite after she found the Rangers game. "Good thing you work fast." She teased. "The second period just started."

He shot an eyebrow up at her. "First of all, I can be slow when it counts, and second of all, what do you know about hockey?" he teased back.

Olivia shook her head and rolled her eyes. The confidence of this man was astounding to her sometimes and she wondered how on Earth he had survived with Kathy. As much as she didn't ever want to think about it, she was pretty convinced that Kathy was probably pretty much of a prude; and Elliot was anything but.

"You don't think you guys talking about sports all of the time hasn't rubbed off on me?" she asked.

Elliot laughed as he set his plate down on the coffee table. "I suppose." He scooted back on the couch and tugged her towards him, pulling her back flush against his chest as he made space for her in between his legs. He kissed the top of her head and wrapped an arm around her waist and she lay her hand on top of his. She sighed and leaned back into him as they focused their attention on the hockey game.

It had been quiet for a few minutes as they watched the game, and Elliot's other hand reached up and pulled her hair back. He placed a kiss on her neck and sighed. "I missed this." He said.

She lay her head back on his shoulder and looked up at him. "I missed this too." She said quietly. She lifted the hand that was covering his and wrapped it around the back of his neck, pulling him in for a gentle kiss. "A lot."

Elliot lifted the hem of her t-shirt and pressed his palm against her stomach. "Mmmm." He hummed against her mouth as he squeezed his thighs against her hips.

Olivia pulled her mouth from his and gave him a grin. "You're insatiable."

"Only when it comes to you."

She looked up at him. "I haven't had this much sex in one day in a long time." She laughed lightly.

"What are you saying?" he teased.

"I'm saying that we don't have to make up for the past five years in 24 hours." She said, laughing. "It's not a race."

Elliot pulled her body against his and placed another kiss on her cheek. "But I missed you. And it's so fantastic." He growled in her ear. Then he thought about her statement again, and it made him wonder if she'd slept with anyone else in the time since she'd left. He knew it was none of his business, and perfectly in her right to do so, but he couldn't help but feel a little jealous none-the-less. It has always been his downfall when it came to her. He tried to get the thought out of his mind as she snuggled against him and they watched the game.

"Can I ask you something?" he said.

Olivia hesitated a second, wondering what it was, because normally he would have just blurted out his question. A series of topics ran through her mind, most of them relating to possible topics of his conversation with Kathy. "Sure."

"Did you…see anyone? I mean, you know…date anyone…while you were gone?" He didn't know why he always referred to her leaving him as her being gone…but that's what she was for him. Gone.

Olivia was surprised because that wasn't what she had expected him to ask her. "I was pregnant for 6 months and then had a small child…" she said, hoping to steer him away from the subject. She kept watching the game with her head against his shoulder, not making eye contact with him.

Elliot furrowed his brow. "That's not an answer." He said.

"I may have gone out to dinner once or twice." She said. The truth was that for the first year or so, she'd been too busy being devastated over the loss of Elliot, mourning the end of the relationship and worrying about single motherhood, to think much about dating. But the last few years, as Elise got older and it became easier to get a babysitter and go out once in a while.

"Dinner." Elliot said flatly. Even that was a depressing thought to him. He could see her getting dressed up, putting on make-up and doing her hair. He could see some guy watching her as she walked, appreciating her long legs, staring at her breasts…wondering how to get her into bed. "Anything serious?"

Olivia leaned her head back and looked up at him. "Nothing serious El. I already told you, you're the only man I want in my life." She was being truthful. She had dated a few guys one or two times, and there had only been one other guy she dated more frequently.

He seemed to consider what she said and decided he wasn't going to push it anymore. He spent a lot of time over the years being jealous of the men she dated and wondering who she was sleeping with. She was here with him now, and had made it clear this is exactly where she wanted to be.

"What about you?" she asked.

Elliot gave her a big grin. "I had women over here all the time. It was hard to keep them straight." He teased. "Jealous?"

"Not at all." She laughed, his answer telling her everything she needed to know; nothing serious for him either. "But I need a list of names so I can get a hold of them and tell them you're taken. Off-limits."

Elliot leaned down and kissed her.

"Come here." He said, trying to turn her body to face him. "I can't kiss you like this." Olivia twisted around and straddled Elliot's lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. She ghosted her mouth over his ear. "You've wrecked me for anyone else Elliot."

Elliot tangled his fingers in her hair and pulled her in for another kiss. "Liv, I…."

"Mommy?"

Olivia pulled herself from Elliot's embrace quickly, practically falling backwards as she scrambled back and off Elliot's lap. She looked over and saw Elise standing by the chair, one hand clutching a stuffed dog and the other wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"Come here baby." She said. Elise walked over and Olivia tugged her on to her lap. "What are you doing up?" Elise curled into Olivia's body and rested her head on Oliva's chest. She had her eyes open and looked over at Elliot who had sat down on the other end of the couch. Olivia started rocking her and pretty soon, her eyes closed. Olivia looked over at Elliot, and saw a small smile on his face. "Busted." She mouthed to him. This was exactly the reason she had insisted they move their earlier _activities_ behind a locked door.

Elliot smiled and nodded, and watched as Olivia rocked his daughter back to sleep.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot was up early to get ready for work. When he came out of the bathroom, he saw that Olivia was awake, lying on her side and looking at him. He was happy she was there; she had almost insisted on sleeping with Elise, not wanting their daughter to wake up and be confused about why they were sleeping in the same bed. In the end, she'd given in because she knew she was leaving today, and wanted to sleep snuggled up in Elliot's arms.

"I could maybe go in a little later." He said, letting his eyes roam down her body under the sheet.

Olivia laughed and rolled her eyes. "Elise will be up soon."

Elliot sat on the edge of the bed, clad only in his boxer briefs. "I don't want you guys to leave." He said.

"I have to go to work El." She ran her hand down his arm. "But you'll come up on Friday, right?"

"I'll be up this weekend." He said. "I have to see what's up with Dick and the other kids." He really wanted to spend time with Olivia and Elise, but he did want to see his other kids too. He hadn't seen Maureen in well over a month. He saw a look of disappointment across her face briefly, but then it was gone.

"I understand." She squeezed his hand and gave him a smile. She knew it was going to be like this…like it had been before. She had to share him.

Elliot looked down at her, his eyes moving back and forth between hers. "Liv. Take a week off. Come stay with me here." It was an impetuous request; it had just popped into his mind. But he knew the apartment would feel empty after they left, even though they had been there for such a short time.

Olivia shook her head. "I can't do that. I have a job…a house. Elise has friends." She knew that spending a week here wasn't going to solve anything; it was only going to make it harder to go back home. "Let's give it some time." They were going to have to make some tough decisions if they were going to stay together and that wasn't a ten-minute conversation on a Monday morning.

"Time? What does that mean?"

"It means that if we're going to make this work, we have some tough decisions to make."

"If?"

Olivia let out a heavy sigh. "I didn't mean it like that and you know it." She pulled herself up and leaned against the headboard. "You have your life here. Mine is in Connecticut. We have to talk about what we're going to do, and until then, I'd like keep Elise's routine as much as possible."

Elliot couldn't argue with that; he knew all of these changes in her life were probably confusing. Still, he wanted them here. "So you'll think about it?" he teased.

She gave him a small smile and shook her head. "Incorrigible."

EOEOEOEOEOEO

It was only Wednesday, and Olivia was already rethinking Elliot's request to come and spend a week with them. Between Elise asking for him constantly, and Elliot's call each night ending with him telling her exactly what he wished he was doing to her _right now_ , she was having a hell of a time focusing. It was making her mad at herself because she prided herself on her ability to compartmentalize; focus on the task at hand and deal with the other stuff when appropriate. But midway through the day, when there was a lull in the action, she couldn't keep from thinking about being wrapped in Elliot's arms, or the feeling of his mouth between her legs. She'd catch herself clenching her thighs together and have to get up and walk around to get her mind off of him.

"Olivia."

She looked up and saw her friend Jack standing in the door of her office. "Hey." She said, giving him a smile. When she told Elliot she had dated a little, he's the one she'd been talking about. It had always been casual; she had been clear from the start that it was never going to get serious. But he was a nice guy; the kind of man she could see herself falling for if Elliot hadn't already taken her heart.

"Hey, I haven't seen you around much." He said, leaning against the doorframe.

"Yeah, well, I've been busy." She said.

"I guess. I was wondering if you wanted to go out for dinner sometime this weekend."

She gave him a smile.

"Jack. We can't have dinner anymore." She said.

"What?" he gave her a confused look.

She stood up and walked around her desk. "I'm seeing someone."

"Oh." He said. "Is it serious?" he asked.

She could see the disappointment on his face. She nodded. "Yeah. It is." She said quietly.

"Oh." He paused a moment and he seemed to be thinking about what to say next. "Well, maybe we can have lunch?"

She laughed. "Yeah, we can have lunch. Just not today."

He smiled then. "OK. Give me a call." He left after she agreed she would. She really did feel badly because Jack was a nice guy, but she didn't want to give him any impression that they could be anything more. And she knew she shouldn't feel guilty, but she figured Elliot wouldn't be too happy if he knew she went out for dinner with Jack, even if it was really just dinner.

Olivia went back to her files, wondering if maybe she should rethink taking a week off of work.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot scrubbed his hand over his face as he drove to Queens after work. He was exhausted after a long week but he had promised Dick they would watch the hockey game together tonight and talk some more about the conversation they started on Monday night; about what was going on with him and how they were going to turn things around. He was going to pick him up and bring him back to his apartment because he didn't want to spend the evening in the same house as Kathy. They hadn't spoken since she had stormed out of his apartment, and he wasn't in the mood for another confrontation. Dick would stay overnight and he would drive him home in the morning.

Olivia had been understanding when he had told her he couldn't come up tonight. She said she had been expecting it, knowing that he was having some issues. He was going to drive up in the morning after he dropped Dick off, and he was excited about that. He wanted to talk to Olivia about getting his name added to Elise's birth certificate, and he had promised Elise he would take her to see a movie.

He pulled up to the house and Dick came out right away and hopped in the car. Elliot was surprised that he was so anxious to go, and he realized that maybe his kids missed him more than he thought.

"Hey." Dick said, tossing his bag in the back.

"Hey."

"Can we get a pizza? I'm starving."

Elliot laughed. "Yeah, we can get a pizza. Any other requests?"

"Beer?" Dick asked hopefully.

"Nice try." Elliot said, laughing as he pulled away from the curb and headed back to the city.

When they got back to the apartment, Elliot ordered a pizza and they sat and talked about school and his friends and all of the things going on in his life. They discussed repercussions if he didn't get his grades up, and Dick promised he would try. Elliot promised he would be there for him more, and he meant it. He knew that he had missed a lot of their childhood and he really wanted to do a better job; be a better parent. To all of his kids.

"Mom is really upset with you." Dick said.

Elliot sighed. "Yeah. I know." He waited until Dick looked back up at him. "I'm sorry. I don't want to upset her." He said, and he meant it.

"Is she mad about Elise? Or Olivia?" Dick asked.

Elliot was surprised at the question and he really didn't know if he wanted to talk about this with his teenaged son. But then again, it impacted him directly and as he pointed out so often, he wasn't a little kid anymore.

"Probably both." Elliot said, being honest. "It was hard for her when Olivia and I were partners. I was at work all the time."

Dick rolled his eyes. "Like I don't know that?"

"I always loved your mom you know. I still do."

"But you love Olivia more." He said, his attention focused on his dad.

Elliot let out a heavy sigh. "I never cheated on your mom. Ever." It was so damned complicated and he didn't know how you explain the tangled web of his and Olivia's relationship so that he could understand how it happened.

"It's OK Dad. I get it."

"You get what?"

"You and Mom. You and Olivia." He took a sip of water. "Most of my friend's parents are divorced and have gotten married again and they have all of these half-brothers and sisters and stuff." He shrugged his shoulders.

Elliot processed what he was saying and realized that his kids were going to be fine; their world was different than the one he had grown up in. "So you would be OK if Olivia and I…" his voice trailed off because he didn't know what he wanted to say. _Dated? Saw each other? Got married?_

Dick didn't seem to notice. "What do you think we've been talking about?" he said, grinning at him. "Plus I thought you already were together. I thought that's why Mom was so mad."

"She's mad about a lot of things." Elliot said. "I never told her I was seeing Olivia but she probably assumed I was."

"She'll cool off." Dick said and Elliot laughed that his son was giving him reassurances. "I always liked Olivia." He said. "And Kathleen and Liz do too."

Elliot nodded because Olivia had been around enough that the kids had gotten to know here pretty well. He guessed that's why he had been a little worried. Would they be able to accept her new role in their life?

He heard a beeping sound from his phone, telling him he had a new text message. He didn't look over at it as it vibrated on the coffee table, even though he knew it was Olivia and he was itching to pick it up. He kept his eyes focused on Dick, wanting him to know that he was there, with him.

"Is that your girlfriend?" Dick asked, giving him another big grin.

Elliot shrugged. "I don't know."

"Bull." Said Dick. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and leaned back on the couch, checking his own messages and alerts. "Just go talk to her. The game doesn't start for another twenty minutes."

Elliot shook his head again. _Who was this kid?_ He realized that his son had grown up and he was happy that he was spending the evening with him, no matter how much he was dying to see Olivia.

He snatched up his phone and walked into the kitchen, hitting her number on speed dial. She answered on the first ring.

"Hey." He said, and when he heard her voice, he couldn't help but smile.


	14. Chapter 14

Elliot was sound asleep when he heard his phone go off. He groaned as he rolled over and snagged the phone.

"Stabler."

"Elliot. I need you and Tony to get over to Alphabet City. Rape victim was found in Tompkins Square Park."

Elliot looked at the clock and saw it was 3AM. He groaned inwardly, knowing his plans for Saturday were shot to hell. _Damn it_. When he talked to Olivia a few hours ago, he had promised to be there by noon. "What hospital? I'll send Tony there while I hit the crime scene."

"You don't need to do that. This victim will be going to the morgue."

Elliot hung up after acknowledging the Captain's comment and called Tony, giving him the pertinent information. He thought about Dick and getting him home, and he knew Kathy was going to be pissed that she had to come into the city to pick him up. He climbed out of bed and got ready to go out. Before he left, he woke up Dick and told him what was going on, and he honestly didn't know if he would remember that they spoke. He made a mental note to call him later in the morning.

He considered texting Olivia, but decided he would let her sleep too. She'd had enough calls in the middle of the night to last a lifetime. Once again, he was hit with a sense of nostalgia, wishing it was her that her at his side.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elise woke up Olivia bright and early, bouncing off the walls with excitement that Elliot was coming to visit them today. Olivia almost wished she hadn't told her last night, but the young girl was driving her insane, constantly asking when they would see him.

"When is Daddy going to be here?" she asked as she snuggled up next to Olivia in bed.

"I don't know honey. I would say lunch time." Elliot had said noon, but she knew Elliot had to drop Dick off in Queens, which put him even farther out and meant a longer drive. Lunch time was vague enough.

"He promised he would take me to see a movie today." She said, bouncing back up on her knees.

"I heard that." Olivia said, laughing. That was probably the 100th time she heard it from Elise.

"Are you going to come along?" Elise asked.

"Am I invited?" Olivia asked, seriously wondering if Elise wanted Elliot to herself. He had definitely won this little girl's heart and sometimes Olivia felt a small stab of jealousy since she was used to being the center of her universe. But it passed quickly.

The little girl shrugged and gave her a funny expression and Olivia shook her head at how like Elliot she was sometimes, even before the two had met. The look on her face was pure Elliot, and it always made her think about the nature vs. nurture debate. Elise had so many of Elliot's traits. It had helped her survive the years without him. Her little El.

"OK then. Maybe I'll stay home and be lazy." Olivia said, climbing out of bed.

Elise hopped out of bed and took Olivia's hand as they walked out of the bedroom. "Maybe you could make cookies." Elise said and Olivia laughed at her tone. Four-year-old logic. Don't take time for yourself; do something for me.

"Maybe."

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Elliot and Tony had spent all morning trying to piece together the last few hours of Emily Scinto's life. She had been at a local bar with friends and then was gone. They had tracked down her friends and interviewed about half of them and the only thing they had so far was that they were all too drunk, that everyone had been dancing and taking shots, and no one remembered anyone in particular or anything out of the ordinary. A normal Friday night in a packed bar.

They were on their way to their next witness/friend of Emily's when Elliot saw a text message from Olivia come across his screen. _Damn it._

He looked at his watch and saw it was almost noon and he felt like an absolute shit because he'd lost all track of time. He hadn't called her and he hadn't called Dick either.

He looked over at Tony, who was steering them through the city. "I have to make a call." He said. He still hadn't filled him in on all the latest developments in his life and he knew he should do that too. Tony was an open book and Elliot knew more about his life then he probably wanted to. Tony didn't know much about him at all; it was almost as if he didn't want to invest anything in a new partner. Even though it had been years.

"No problem." Tony said. "Do you need me to pull over?" An offer of privacy.

Elliot shook his head as he hit Olivia's number on speed dial. She answered on the second ring.

"Hey. I'm sorry to bug you." She started in right away. "I know you're getting here as fast as you can. But usually you text me when you're leaving and I hadn't heard from you and Elise is driving me crazy."

Elliot could hear her in the background. _"Let me talk to him. Let me talk to Daddy."_ Over and over. _Shit_.

"Liv." He said, regret in his tone, and he could hear the sigh on the other end. She knew what was coming.

"Oh El." She said. He could hear a mix of disappointment and understanding in her voice. She'd been in his position, canceling dates and putting life on hold because of a case. But he knew it didn't make it any easier, and he knew she had to deal with a very disappointed Elise as well.

"I'm sorry. There's nothing I can do about it."

"Are you going to be tied up all day?" she asked, hoping that maybe he could drive up in the evening.

He knew what she was thinking, but he didn't want to make any more promises because he didn't know if he could keep them. "I don't know." He said, his voice deflated. "But yeah, probably. Tomorrow too."

The silence hung between them for a minute as they both struggled with their disappointment.

"I understand." Olivia said, because she did. But that didn't mean she wasn't a little mad about another sociopath honing in on her life. "Just call when you can." She disconnected the call, knowing she was being a little unreasonable but not able to mask it right now. She took a deep breath and turned to Elise, readying herself for the meltdown that was sure to ensue.

Elliot looked at the phone for a second, a little pissed that Olivia was upset with him and had ended the call so abruptly. It reminded him of Kathy to some degree, but it confused him because she knew what it was like. He let it go, chalking it up to the fact that she now had to deal with a cranky 4-year-old.

"Everything OK?" Tony asked.

Elliot nodded. "Yep. Wonderful." He looked over at him. "I have to make one more call." He dialed Dick's number, assuming he had gotten up, found him gone and put two and two together even if he didn't remember their 3AM conversation.

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Olivia crashed down on the couch, thankful that Elise had actually fallen asleep. She normally didn't nap in the middle of the day anymore, but she had worn herself out. As predicted, she'd had a complete tantrum when Olivia told her that Elliot couldn't come. Complete with major theatrics, throwing herself down on the floor, kicking her legs and wailing. When she got like this, there was nothing Olivia could do except let it run its course. Any attempt to intervene or request that she calm own only made it worse. When she had finally wound down, Olivia had tried to talk to her about going to a movie or going out for lunch but Elise wouldn't budge; she wanted to do those things with Elliot. Anything that Olivia offered was turned down and Elise had spent the afternoon in her room, preferring to be alone. Olivia kept checking on her and she could see that Elise was holding on to her anger, refusing to engage with her mother. Olivia sighed at this side of her daughter. A mini El for sure.

When Olivia had checked on her again, she had found her sleep on her bed, books and stuffed animals strewn around her. She pulled up the covers and gave her a kiss, knowing she would be in a better mood when she woke up.

She hadn't heard from Elliot all afternoon, and while she remembered what it was like when you were in the middle of a case, she had still hoped he would check in. She knew she was being unreasonable and it made her think of all of the times she'd had to cancel plans. She could definitely understand it now from the other person's perspective, and she felt bad about being so short with Elliot. She knew he'd rather be here with them.

She picked up her phone and sent him a text, not wanting to disturb whatever he was going with a call.

" _Sorry. I understand. I really do. Just call when you can."_ She hesitated because she normally wasn't one for mushy messages. But she added _I love you_ at the end before she hit SEND.

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Elliot was at the station when he got her text message. He picked up the phone on his desk and dialed her number.

"Liv." He said quietly when she answered.

"Hey." She said. She hadn't expected to hear from him so quickly. "How's the case going?" she asked.

"It sucks."

"Yeah." She said. She knew what a toll each case took on them. "Sorry."

"You know I'd rather be there with you."

"I know. I didn't mean to give you a hard time." She really meant it. "This is just a lot harder than I thought it would be." She had been on her own for five years, so she couldn't believe how quickly they had gotten back into a rhythm and how much she missed him when they weren't together.

"I can't stand the thought of not seeing you or Elise for another week." He said.

"I know. Especially if you keep talking like you did this past week." When Elliot had been telling her exactly what he wished he was doing to her, she'd actually been surprised at how much her body reacted to his voice and words. She had been looking forward to getting Elise to bed and having him actually do every one of those things.

"Don't get me going Liv." He said, thoughts of her naked body beneath his causing a rush of heat to his groin. "I'm in the squad room for God's sake."

"Wouldn't be the first time you had a hard-on for me hidden beneath that desk." She teased.

Elliot growled into the phone. "I could say something right now…" He looked up and saw Tony looking at him. Maybe he was talking more loudly then he thought. "But I can't." he whispered, covering his mouth over the phone.

"Too bad we were in denial for so long. I could have taken you into the cribs…or the interrogation room…and taken care of that for you." She continued, knowing that she was probably driving him crazy because he had shared a couple of those particular fantasies with her at one point in time.

"Stop." She heard him say in a choked tone.

"Hey, if you can't get yourself up here to Connecticut, then I'm going to have to settle for phone sex." She had dropped her tone. "Elise is sleeping right now, so maybe I'll just have to take care of things myself." She teased. "Can you find a quiet spot and take a short break?" she said, her voice breathy and seductive.

 _Fuck_. She was driving him insane.

He looked up, feeling like her words were written on his face and everyone knew what he was talking about on the phone. He saw Tony motioning to him and he knew he had to go.

"Liv. _Fuck_." He whispered. "I have to go."

"OK." She said playfully. "Call me later and I'll let you know what you missed." She disconnected the phone and laughed as she tossed it on the coffee table. He was so easy to get riled up and she loved to tease him. She let out a heavy sigh, realizing that she had gotten herself a little worked up as well, and she hoped that she would be able to see him soon.

EOEOEOEOEO

It was after 9:00 when Cragen told them to knock off for the night and be back at 8AM tomorrow. He got in the car and drove home, in need of some food and a shower. Not necessarily in that order. He walked into the house and dropped his keys, gun and badge on the counter. He stood for a second, taking in the silence of the apartment. He hated it.

He jumped in the shower, washing away the grime of the past 18 hours. The whole time he couldn't stop thinking about Olivia. He got out, toweling off and wishing that she as waiting for him in the next room. Before he knew what he was doing, he was dressed and out the door, keys in hand. He stopped and got a coffee and headed out of the city.

It was almost midnight when he pulled into her driveway and killed the engine. The small house was dark and he was pretty certain she was asleep. He debated what to do next; he didn't want to startle her or risk waking Elise by banging on the door. He pulled out his phone as he walked up towards the stairs to the porch.

"Open the front door." He smiled and hit SEND.

He walked up the steps and leaned against the post, a few feet from the door. He hoped that all of her years of conditioning to hear her phone in the middle of the night paid off. He waited a few minutes before he saw a light come on, and he saw her peek through the window that ran vertical to the door. He gave her a grin and saw the look of surprise on her face.

The door opened and he moved towards her when he saw her standing there, taking in her rumpled clothing, messy hair and baseball bat in her hands.

"Elliot." She said, her voice husky from sleep. "What are you doing here?"

He closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her hair. "I missed you." He said, feeling relief wash through him; the stress of the past day and a half gone as he held her close.

He took the baseball bat out of her hand and leaned it against the wall as he walked her backwards into the foyer and nudged the door closed with his foot. He ran his hands up her back until one of his hands cradled her head and he kissed her, releasing all of the built up frustration and want. He held her close with his other arm, feeling the warmth of her body against his.

She laughed lightly as he released her lips. "What are you doing here?" she whispered again.

"I told you I missed you."

"So this is some kind of booty call?" she said, raising an eyebrow at him as he wrapped his other arm around her, holding her against him.

He kissed her forehead and let out a hushed laugh. "I wish it was, but I'm so exhausted I don't think I'd be any good to you." That had been on his mind when he left his apartment, but he realized on the way up that really, he just wanted to see her. To wrap his body around her as he slept, his face buried in her hair and her legs tangled with his.

Olivia looked at him skeptically. "You drove all the way up here to sleep?"

"Is that so hard to believe?" he asked, knowing it probably was. "I have to leave by 630." He picked her up slightly as he moved towards the stairs, dragging her along with him. "Let's go to bed."

He released her then, grabbing her hand in his and starting up the stairs. Olivia smiled as he tugged her along behind him. He shed his t-shirt the moment they were inside her room, and his jeans were gone seconds later. He pulled back the covers and lay down on his back with a heavy sigh. Olivia turned out the hall light, immersing the room in darkness. He felt the bed shift as she climbed onto the bed and he reached for her and pulled her down next to him. He leaned over her and kissed her.

"Roll over." He said, nudging her.

"What?" She didn't understand what he was asking her.

"Roll over." He nudged her again and she started to roll over, away from him. When she was on her side, he stopped her by wrapping his arm around her and pulling her body back towards him. He lay his head next to hers and threw a leg over hers, snuggling her as tight as possible to his body. "Now I can sleep." He whispered in her ear and she relaxed against him.

"I can't believe you drove all the way up here to sleep." She whispered, but he didn't hear her. He was already snoring lightly.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia was roused from sleep when she heard Elliot's phone alarm going off quietly from the floor. He must have left his phone in his jeans pocket. He groaned as he disentangled himself from her body, having barely moved all night. He reached over and grabbed his jeans off the floor, fishing in the pocket for his phone and turning off the alarm. He groaned as he rolled back against Olivia. "I don't want to go."

Olivia wanted to tell him to stay, but she knew he couldn't. She didn't want to make it even harder for him. "I'm glad you came." She said. She was unbelievably happy that he had shown up on her doorstep. Even though it was for a brief time, it would tide her over until they could see each other again.

Elliot nuzzled his face into her neck. He pulled her hair back and placed a kiss on her neck. He pressed himself against her and she could feel his hard-on.

"Do you have to leave right away?" she asked quietly, reaching back and wrapping one hand around his neck.

"I have fifteen minutes." He said. "Maybe more if I speed on the way back."

"Extenuating circumstances." Olivia whispered. "They'd probably let you off with a warning." She pushed her ass back into him.

Elliot lifted himself up and he climbed over her as she rolled over on her back. He kneeled between her legs, pulling his briefs down and kicking them off. He snagged her underwear and dragged it down over her hips. "If I get a ticket, it'll be worth it." He said as he settled between her legs. He leaned in and kissed her, penetrating her slightly.

Olivia arched her back and wrapped her legs around him, urging him inside her. "I'll pay for it." She said, gasping as he slid slowly inside of her. She closed her eyes and moaned quietly as Elliot set a slow rhythm between them. He buried his face in her neck, relishing the feel of her around him as he thrust into her. "I love you so much."

It was slow and sweet and he covered her mouth with his as they both came, thankful for whatever fate had brought her into his life.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot kissed Olivia gently. "Go back to sleep." He whispered. "I'll call you later." He dressed quickly and gave her one last kiss. She smiled at him as she watched him go, sad to see him leave, but happy he had been there, even for a short time.

He hesitated at the door, not wanting to wake her, but wanting to peek in on Elise. He pushed open her door and saw her sprawled out on the bed, covers thrown off and stuffed animals everywhere. The sight of her made him smile. She looked so much like Olivia and once again, he liked to think that he was getting a small glimpse of what she was like as a little girl. He walked quietly over to the bed, trying to dodge the toys on the floor. He leaned over, and pulled the covers up over her, pushing some of the animals littering the bed out of the way. "Hi princess." He whispered.

To his surprise, she opened her eyes slightly. "Daddy?" she whispered.

As much as he hadn't wanted to wake her, her little voice was like music to his ears right now.

She held out her arms towards him and he scooped her up, holding her close to him and kissing her on top of her head. "It's me baby." He said. "I came to see you."

She snuggled into him and he realized she was still half asleep. He carried her out of her room and into Olivia's. She smiled when she saw her in his arms; she'd had a feeling he wouldn't leave without seeing her. She snagged her underwear off the floor and put them on under the covers. Then she held out her arms and Elliot lay Elise down next to her.

Elise opened her eyes and looked up at Olivia. "Mommy?"

"Shhh." Olivia said, leaning down and whispering in her ear. "Go back to sleep."

Elise closed her eyes and Olivia pulled her little body into hers as they snuggled back down against the pillows. Elliot pulled the covers back up over both of them and placed a kiss on each of their foreheads. The sight of them lying there was tugging at his heart and the only thing he wanted to do right now was crawl back in bed with them.

He swallowed the lump in his throat.

Olivia could see the look on his face and she reached up and caressed his cheek with her hand. "It's OK El." She said. "We'll figure it out."

He placed his hand over hers and then stood up, keeping her hand in his as he looked down at them. "Soon Liv." He placed a kiss on her hand and then released it.

He couldn't look back as he left because he really thought he might not be able to leave.


	15. Chapter 15

_Hey readers! So sorry for the delay. I have been trying to update pretty regularly, but it's been a rough couple of days. I'll try to get back to updating more regularly! Hope you're still enjoying the story._

EOEOEOEO

Olivia woke up Tuesday morning to rain beating against the window. It seemed like Spring had finally arrived, which was great because she was sick of the snow. She stretched and then climbed out of bed, excited to get the day going. She walked into Elise's room and woke her up with a kiss. Elise rubbed her eyes and looked up at Olivia, putting her arms up. Olivia scooped her up and sat down on her bed, placing her on her lap.

"Baby, how would you like to leave school early today?"

"Why?"

Olivia knew that Elise actually liked going to daycare and seeing her friends. She was a social little girl, and always wanted to be there so she could be sure not to miss anything. "Remember when we went into the big city and visited Papa Don and you met Daddy?" she asked. She knew Elise remembered because she recited that story all the time, asking Olivia if _she_ remembered. Like she could ever forget the drama surrounding that day.

"Yeah." Said Elise cautiously.

"Well, I thought that maybe we could go back to the big city, but this time we could surprise Daddy. And maybe sleep over at his house for a few nights." She looked down into Elise's face, trying to gauge her reaction. "Would you like that?"

She didn't react at first and Olivia worried that she wouldn't be excited to go. Then she saw her look around her room. "Daddy doesn't have any of my toys there." She said.

"We can bring some along. You can pack whatever you want." Olivia said.

"Can I wear my new dress and new shoes?" Elise asked.

Olivia smiled. Elise was all girl; loving to shop for clothes and shoes. Olivia honestly didn't know where that came from. But on a recent shopping trip, she indulged the little girl and let her pick out a red dress and some glittery red shoes, despite Olivia's protests that she had nowhere to wear it.

"Yes, you can wear them." Olivia said, feeling like she was getting an _I told you so_ from a four-year-old. "Let's go downstairs and get some breakfast and then we can pack up and go to school. I'll pick you up later on this afternoon and we'll drive to the city." She released the little girl from her lap and they walked downstairs together.

She was excited as she made breakfast for Elise. She hasn't planned on taking any time off and honoring Elliot's request to spend a week with him in the city. But Sunday and Monday had been incredibly long days. She knew she was being ridiculous, but she didn't think she could wait until the weekend to see him. She had gone in and talked to her boss that afternoon and asked for the rest of the week off. Her boss had no issue granting her request because she rarely took a day off.

They finished breakfast, cleaned up the dishes, and raced upstairs to get packed for their trip.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia ran errands and took care of some bills and miscellaneous items before she picked Elise up around 2PM. Olivia pulled into the precinct parking lot by 5PM, having stopped along the way to get Elise a snack. She hoped Elliot wasn't out on a case. She had considered calling him and telling him they were coming, but she really wanted to surprise him. Elise hopped out of the car when Olivia released her car seat belt, and took Olivia's hand, skipping into the precinct. She absolutely loved her red dress and her shoes and Olivia smiled because she understood what it felt like to dress up and try to impress. She had spent a little time deciding what to wear as well. The rain had stopped and it was actually quite warm, and she had opted for a simple spring dress as well. It was coral colored and she felt like it flattered her figure and her mood today, even though she ended up wearing a short black leather jacket to ward off the chill in the air.

They ducked into the elevator and headed upstairs and Olivia could feel the excitement in Elise's little body. She crossed her fingers that Elliot was there. But she had prepped her, telling her he might be out but that it was likely Papa Don was there, along with Fin and Munch. Despite only meeting them twice, she thought they were best friends, and she was excited to see them too.

When they walked into the squad room, she immediately looked at Elliot's desk, and felt a stab of disappointment that he wasn't sitting there. Elise halted beside her, seeing no one she recognized; waiting for her mother's signal as to what to do. She looked up at her and tugged at her hand, asking her where everyone was.

"Olivia!"

Olivia turned when she heard Munch's voice and saw him walking into the squad room behind her. He held out his arms, and she accepted his hug, placing a kiss on his cheek. "Good to see you John."

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"We came to surprise Elliot." She said, motioning towards Elise.

John squatted down to say hi to Elise and she wasted no time in twirling around, holding out the skirt of her dress for maximum affect.

"Do you like my dress?" she said, a serious expression on her face as she waited for his approval.

"I love your dress." He said, laughing. "And I love your shoes too." Elise gave him a big smile and looked up at Olivia. Another _I told you so_ look on her face.

John smirked at Olivia as he stood up. "I like _your_ dress too." He said, giving her a wink and a quick perusal. "Elliot will like it too."

Olivia blushed slightly, but didn't have time to respond before they were interrupted.

"Hey, what's going on out here?"

Olivia turned to see Cragen walk out of his office. Elise ran over to him and wrapped herself around his legs, obviously happy to see him. He used to spend a lot of time with them and now they didn't see him nearly as much.

He leaned over and scooped her up into his arms. "Such a nice surprise." He said. He had such a soft spot for the little girl and was genuinely happy to see her. He walked over to where Olivia was standing next to Munch.

"I didn't know you were coming in today." He said. "Elliot didn't say anything." Elliot wasn't openly communicating about what was going on with him and Olivia, but he knew they were spending a lot of time together. He assumed it wasn't just being parents to Elise, and that made him happy for them.

"Elliot doesn't know." Olivia said.

Elise placed a hand on either side of Cragen's face and looked at him, a serious expression on her face. "It's a surprise and we don't tell about surprises." She said, as if warning him not to tell.

Cragen, Munch and Olivia laughed at her serious statement. "I won't tell." Cragen said.

Olivia looked around. "Where is everyone?"

"We're having a few drinks at Mahoney's. Elliot, Tony, Fin and Casey are already there. Melinda's joining us to. I was just headed over there." Munch explained.

"Oh." Olivia said, remembering the times she had been one of the group.

"Liv. Go with John. Surprise Elliot." He tickled Elise's side. "The little one and I will get some dinner and go to my house." He looked at Elise. "Do you want to have a sleepover at my house?"

"Don, that's generous of you…" she started but was interrupted by Elise's squeal of excitement and clapping hands.

"Can we have ice cream?"

"Of course!" Don loved to spoil her. He looked at Olivia again. "Go. Have fun."

"But you don't have to keep her overnight." Olivia said.

Don gave her a look. "Go. We'll see you in the morning."

Olivia blushed slightly again, knowing he was giving her a night alone with Elliot, but she was glad to accept it. The rushed Sunday morning sex hadn't been enough.

"OK." She walked over and took Elise from Don's arms. "Let me talk to her for a minute and then I'll get her bag out of the car." Olivia sat Elise down and told her about the change in plans and to be on her best behavior but Elise was already ignoring her, excited about ice cream and whatever else Don would buy for her tonight.

Olivia laughed and they all walked out together to get Elise's car seat and duffle bag. She gave her a hug and watched as they drove away in Cragen's car.

She linked her arm in John's. "Ready to go?"

"Every guy in the bar is going to be so jealous when I walk in with you on my arm." He teased. "You're lookin' good Liv." He gave her another wink as they headed off towards Mahoney's.

They walked the few short blocks until they reached the bar. Munch opened the door and stepped to the side. "After you."

Olivia waked into the bar with Munch close behind her and she paused for a second, causing him to step to the side. A sense of familiarity and nostalgia washed over her as she thought about all of the times they had come here to let off steam after a hard case…day…week.

"OK?" Munch, seeing her moment of hesitation.

"Yeah, fine." She said, giving him a smile. They walked in and she looked to the left and saw the crew sitting in their normal spot; a large horseshoe shaped booth across from the bar. She saw Casey and Fin and a man she didn't recognize…and then she saw Elliot sitting on the end with his back to her. Casey caught her eye and Olivia held her fingers to her lips, telling her to keep as she pointed to Elliot.

She walked up behind him, giving Fin the same signaling when he spotted her before she made it to the booth. Casey and Fin kept him distracted until she leaned over slightly, practically whispering in his ear. "Can I buy you a drink?" she asked in the sexiest voice she could muster with the smile on her face.

Elliot jumped in his seat, not expecting to hear a voice behind him. It took only a few seconds for him to realize it was Olivia's voice. He turned quickly, and she took a step back.

"Liv?" He slid out of the booth quickly and wrapped his arms around her. A moment later, he pushed away from her and stood with his arms stretched, his hands grasping her upper arms. He ran his eyes up and down her body, barely able to believe she was standing there in front of him.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, a big grin on his face. She looked amazing. The coral dress against her dark skin was striking, and it showed just a little bit of cleavage. The dress hugged the curves of her upper body and then fell loosely around her legs. Her legs were bare from the knee down, ending in black heels. She was sporting a short, black leather jacket and it was in sharp contrast to the softness of the dress, making her look a little like the badass she had a reputation of being.

"I thought I'd surprise you." She said, blushing slightly at his appraisal of her. "Surprise!"

He ran his hands up her arms and cupped her face. "I'm so glad to see you." He closed the space between them, and leaned in to kiss her, finding she was nearly the same height as him in her heels. He tangled one hand in her hair and his other hand slipped beneath the leather jacket, pulling her tighter against him and deepening the kiss. Munch let out a wolf whistle and Olivia broke the kiss, pushing Elliot back slightly.

She wasn't big on public displays of affection, and she wasn't used to the rest of the squad knowing about their relationship. Her cheeks were flushed slightly as Elliot stepped back, sliding his hand in hers. "This is one hell of a surprise."

Casey slid out of the booth and gave her a hug. "So good to see you." She said. "I missed you." She looked over at Elliot. "Apparently not as much as some people." She gave Olivia a smirk. "Come on. Sit by me." She slid back in the booth and Olivia slid in beside her, followed by Elliot.

"Hey Liv." Said Fin, who was now sitting across the table from her. "Good to see you." He elbowed the man sitting next to him.

"Tony. You ever met Liv?" he asked, and Olivia realized this was Elliot's partner. She gave him a smile, assessing her replacement. He was a pretty average looking guy, short dark hair and dark skin, indicative of his Italian heritage. He was obviously solid…muscled. But nothing like Elliot.

Elliot interrupted before Fin could do the introductions. "Tony DiNunzio, meet Olivia Benson." Elliot said, a little pride in his voice as he said it.

"You're the famous Olivia Benson?" asked Tony. "I've been hearing stories about you for years. You and Elliot here." He said, nodding his head towards his partner.

"Don't believe everything you hear." Olivia joked, wondering what stories had been told.

John slid in next to Tony. "Don't let the pretty face and long legs fool you. It's all true." He said, picking up the pitcher of beer and pouring himself a beer. "I bet she could still kick your ass." He looked over his glasses at her. "I know she could kick mine. And I'd like her to try." He grinned at his own joke and it made Olivia laugh too.

Munch passed the pitcher to Elliot and he poured her a glass. She picked up the glass and took a sip, looking around the table. She realized how much she had missed this…missed them. She had made a life in in Connecticut, but these people had been her family for so many years. She was really glad she had decided to make the trip back to the city.

EOEOEOEO

They'd been at the bar for over almost two hours, and they had worked their way through several pitchers of beer. Everyone got caught up on Elise, her job, John's latest conspiracy theories, some bullshit with IAB and Casey's failed relationships. Olivia hadn't laughed so hard in a long time and she was having a great time.

Casey spoke up. "My turn to buy." She said, pushing at Olivia to slide out of the booth. Elliot stood up and let them out, and Casey tugged her arm. "Come with me and help." Olivia slipped off her jacket before she left with Casey. Elliot slid back into the booth and watched as they walked up to the bar.

Tony slapped his arm from across the table. " _She_ was your partner? And you let her _go_? You're a bigger idiot than I thought." He teased Elliot, not knowing the full story behind their romance and her subsequent disappearance from his life.

Fin loved to give Stabler grief too, but he knew this was a sensitive subject. "Aw, don't give him shit…they've both done a lot of stupid shit all the years they were partners. They were always in trouble."

"Alright. Alright. Enough." Said Elliot, glancing back at Fin, thankful for the diversion. "Wonder what's taking them so long?" He turned in his seat and looked towards the bar. Of course, there were a couple of guys talking to Olivia and Casey. He felt a momentary stab of jealousy, and then it was gone. He didn't have to be jealous anymore. Olivia was a beautiful woman, and she looked amazing in that dress…any man would be crazy not to want her. But she was here…with him. He didn't need to be jealous any more.

"Relax Stabler." Fin said. "They're just talking and flirting. Maybe get us some free beer."

"Hopefully." Elliot said, seeing the surprised look on Fin and Munch's face. He shrugged his shoulders. "Guys can look. They just can't touch."

EOEOEOEOEO

Another hour had passed and Olivia was feeling a little tipsy. She hadn't had a lot to drink in the past five years except for a rare night out or an occasional glass of wine at home. She was having so much fun with the crew, especially since Melinda had shown up. She, Casey and Melinda were sitting together in the middle of the booth, talking and catching up. Elliot was sitting next to her, with Munch on his right. Fin and Tony were across from them, and all four were talking about spring training and the Mets vs. the Yankees.

Olivia would steal a glance at Elliot every once in a while, and he seemed to be attuned to her, because he would give her a smile or a wink almost every time. Casey and Melinda were peppering her with questions about when she was going to move back to the city and if she would ever come back to SVU, and she deflected each one, not wanting to deal with anything so serious when she was a little tipsy and having a good time. Casey was getting frustrated, and she finally leaned in, never one to be shy.

"OK Liv. Mel and I have been wondering…" she stole a look at Elliot to make sure he was still engaged in conversation with the guys. She looked back at Olivia. "Is Elliot as good in bed as we imagine?"

Olivia nearly choked on her beer, not expecting that question from Casey, especially with Elliot sitting right there. _She should have known better_. _This was typical Casey_. At that moment, she felt Elliot's hand drop on her thigh, right above the knee, and she jumped slightly, knowing he had heard Casey's question.

She blushed slightly, and then uncrossed her legs, shifting in her seat slightly. Elliot gave her a gentle squeeze, and she knew he was surprised by her move. He slid his hand up her thigh slightly, letting his fingers tickle the inside of her thigh.

"Casey!" she said, careful not to let out the small moan that was threatening to escape. She leaned and motioned for Melinda and Casey to lean in, as if she was going to fill them in on the details. "I'm not going to answer that question." She gave them a grin. "Not with Elliot sitting right here." She stole a look at him and saw he was still talking to the guys, but he gave her thigh another gentle squeeze.

Casey huffed and leaned back in her seat, acting miffed that she hadn't gotten the details. But Melinda didn't miss a beat. "How about we have a girl's lunch tomorrow?" She suggested, and Olivia and Casey laughed.

Before Olivia could respond, Elliot had removed his hand from her thigh and grabbed her elbow. "I'm going to go get some drinks. Come with me." He said, nodding towards the bar.

"OK." She said, giving him a sultry smile. Munch slid out of the booth, and Elliot followed him, tugging Olivia behind him. They worked their way through the crowd, heading towards the bar. But as soon as they were out of sight of the table, Elliot let Olivia took a step forward and he put his hands on her hips from behind, steering her away from the bar and towards the back of the bar.

"Where are we going?" she asked as he moved his body closer to hers.

"Detour." He whispered in her ear. He swore he heard her giggle, but he knew that couldn't be right, because Olivia Benson didn't giggle. But he didn't care. He'd been dying for another kiss, another touch…to just be close to her. But he knew she didn't want him draped all over her at the table. He just needed a few minutes alone.

He steered her down the hallway that led to the bathrooms and she dug in her heels. "I'm not letting you drag me into the bathroom." She said, laughing lightly.

"I'm not dragging you into the bathroom." He said, pushing her up gently against the wall. "I just wanted a kiss." He pressed his mouth against hers, cradling her face with his hand. His other hand rested lightly at her waist, but as the kiss deepened, he ran his fingers into her hair and dug his fingers into her side. She moaned quietly into his mouth and he felt a rush of heat to his groin. He'd been trying to keep his baser thoughts to himself all night but he'd waited about as long as he could.

He broke the kiss and looked down the hall. He spied a doorway, and he laced his fingers through Olivia's and led her down the hallway.

Olivia laughed. "Where are we going now?" She had missed Elliot, and she knew he probably wanted to leave earlier, but she'd been having so much fun with the gang that she'd ignored his non-verbal cues. She smiled. Apparently, he was done waiting.

Elliot pushed the door open and they found themselves in the alley behind the bar. She looked around and didn't see anyone out there, although it was obviously used by smokers…empty beer bottles and cigarette butts littered the area.

"Elliot." She said, ready to ask him where he thought he was taking them. But before she could get out another word, he had pushed her up against the brick wall. She let out a shocked gasp at the cold, rough surface against her shoulders.

He let out a growl. "You're driving me crazy." He looked down the length of her body. "That dress. Those heels. _Jesus Liv_." He was on her then, his mouth devouring hers, and she almost couldn't breathe with the intensity of it, her head pressed against the hard bricks. His hands were on the outside of her thighs then, his palms flat against her skin as he slid them up slowly, taking the silky material of the dress with them. She dug her fingers into his shoulders as she kissed him back…tongues…teeth…heated breaths. Elliot ripped his mouth from hers as he pressed his mouth beneath her ear, hitting a spot he knew drove her crazy.

"Fuck Liv." He rasped, running his hands farther up her thighs until he reached the thin string of her underwear. "What are you…" He let his hands roam back, groaning as he cupped her bare ass. He pressed his erection against her, rocking into her gently and letting out a loud moan. "A fucking thong?"

His restraint was gone. He grasped the sides of her thong and started dragging them down her hips. "I want you." He groaned as they dropped to her ankles. He ran his hand back up her thigh, running his hand beneath and lifting it up around his hip. He pushed her dress up and rocked into her as he nipped at the skin on her neck.

Olivia let her head fall back against the wall, pushing her hips into him. "El…" she moaned. She couldn't believe they were going to have sex in the middle of an alley; maybe they should go home. But God, _she wanted him too_. Maybe a quickie in the alley…just until they got home. She was rationalizing but his erection was between her legs now…hitting her just right. She rocked her hips into him again and ran her hands down to his belt. She tugged at it, unable to get her hands in-between them as he pressed against her. "Please…" she rasped in his ear.

They both jumped as the door from the bar whipped open and banged against the brick wall. Elliot dropped her leg and her skirt fell back into place. She wobbled on her heels for a second, the quick change in activity throwing her off slightly. Elliot put a hand on her waist to steady her as they watched three guys walk out into the alley.

One guy spotted them and laughed. " "Sorry man." He said, as he and his buddies snickered. One of them pulled out a joint and they lit it up, passing it between themselves. "Want a hit?"

Elliot ignored them, almost wanting to arrest them for the joint, just for interrupting them. He scrubbed his hand over his face in frustration, his other arm braced against the wall next to Olivia's head. Olivia laughed. She leaned back into him, placing a kiss on his neck. "Take me home El." She bit down lightly on his earlobe. "We have all night and I'll make it worth the wait."


	16. Chapter 16

The past half hour had been almost unbearable, from the moment Elliot snatched her panties off the ground and stuffed them in his pocket…to grabbing their things at the table and saying their goodbyes…to their current ride in the back of a cab.

Elliot had ignited a fire in her when they were in the alley, and the ache between her legs was not tapering down; especially with Elliot's hand caressing her thigh and his hot breath in her ear.

"I want this dress _off_." He whispered. "I know you're wet Liv. I want to taste you." He fingers moved up her thigh slightly, taking her dress with it.

Olivia shifted slightly, remembering how this all started in the booth. She knew they were in public, but she wanted Elliot's hand to move higher…

"Keep your eyes on the road." She heard Elliot say, and she opened her eyes and saw Elliot was talking to the cabdriver. She hadn't even realized she had closed them and she looked over at Elliot, giving him a seductive smile.

"Are we almost there?" she whispered. She was still feeling slightly buzzed, and she was focused on Elliot's hands…his mouth. She didn't know where they were, but she hoped it wasn't far. She reached over smoothed her hand over the bulge in his pants and Elliot squeezed her thigh.

"Stop." He hissed.

She leaned over, taking her turn to whisper in his ear. "If I were you, I would pay him extra to get home faster. I need you to fuck me Elliot. _Now_." Her eyes flicked over towards the cabdriver, and she could see he had heeded Elliot's warning, looking straight ahead. She ran her hand over his erection once again, before placing her hand over his, pulling his hand farther up on her thigh.

She heard Elliot mutter a curse under his breath before he let his hand slide farther down the inside of her thigh. She lifted her hips slightly, causing Elliot's fingers to touch her briefly. She stifled another moan…just the thought of Elliot's hands on her was making her body flush…the ache more unbearable.

Mercifully, the cab pulled up to the curb outside Elliot's apartment. He pulled some cash out of his pocket and tossed it at the driver before sliding out of the cab. He leaned in and grabbed Olivia's hand, helping her out. He knew they were both worked up from even that short time in the alley, but he was surprised by her behavior and words in the cab. She had never been quiet or shy about sex in private; it was in public that she was more reserved. Maybe the scene in the alley had ignited some recklessness in her. Whatever it was, he didn't care. He was going to do exactly what she asked.

He turned her around to face him and pressed her against the glass door as he fumbled with the key, trying to unlock the building's security door. She flattened her palms across his chest and then fanned them out towards his shoulders, running them down his upper arms. She dropped her hands to his hips, pulling him against her and he almost dropped the keys.

" _Fuck!_ " He muttered, finally driving the key into the lock.

"That's the idea." She said, leaning in close and running the back of her hand along the front of his pants. Elliot only growled, turning the lock and pushing the door open, wrapping his arm around her waist so she didn't fall. She snagged his hand and dragged him towards the elevator, and he said a silent prayer that they actually working faster than normal. Otherwise it may be very possible that he was going to take her before they ever even got to his floor.

The elevator doors opened he pushed her inside. She tugged him along behind her and turned to face him, pulling him towards her. He dropped his mouth to hers, pressing her against the elevator wall as he slipped his tongue between her lips. She moaned against his mouth and Elliot pressed his erection against her hip.

The door was halfway closed when Elliot heard someone yelling. "Hold the elevator." He ripped his mouth from hers and she laughed as a hand snaked out and caught the door. Two young guys stepped into the elevator, and Elliot stepped away from her. He just couldn't catch a break tonight. He needed to get inside his apartment…where he could the door and shut out the outside world…now.

Olivia looked down at the floor of the elevator, a smile on her face. She could feel Elliot's frustration and she knew exactly how he felt. When she left Connecticut, she had envisioned a quiet evening with Elise, and then a long slow night of love-making once she was asleep. But things had changed…gears shifted…when their plans for the evening had changed. A few drinks had loosened her up and Elliot's hand on her thigh in the booth had already gotten her blood moving. Their tryst in the alley…the promise of a slightly rough fuck against the wall… had driven her into overdrive. She knew when they got into his apartment, it wasn't going to be slow. And it wasn't going to be gentle.

The doors opened on Elliot's floor and he wrapped his arm around Olivia's waist, practically carrying her down the hallway. When they got to his apartment door, he hit the lock with the key on the first try and pushed open the door. He walked in, holding the door open with his body as she walked by him and into the apartment. He kicked the door closed with his foot and dropped his keys on the floor.

He followed her as she dropped her purse on the table, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his face in the back of her neck. "I can't believe you're here." He said, pressing his lips against the skin of her neck. He let his hands slide down to the tops of her thighs, pressing himself against her so that his erection was wedged between the cheeks of her ass. He flattened his palms against her thighs, dragging her dress up slowly, as he kissed and bit at the skin. "This fucking dress..." He pressed her against the edge of the table as his hands reached her hips, the dress pooled around her waist. "Those guys in the bar were checking you out…and the only thing I could think of was that I was going to be the one to take you home." He pressed her up against the edge of the dining room table. He trailed his tongue to her ear. "Tell me what you want?" he moaned into her ear as he pushed his hips against her.

She didn't hesitate…she wanted his brute force between her legs. "Fuck me Elliot." She moaned.

Elliot felt a deep pull in his groin; his body reacting to her words. There was no restraint now. He pulled his hands from under her dress, running his hands up her arms. "Bend over." He whispered and he felt her shiver at his words. He wondered if she would comply; if he was being too aggressive tonight. He had his answer when she slid her hands forward slowly on the table, folding her arms. She looked back at him and gave him a seductive smile before she dropped her head, resting her forehead on her arms.

He almost came at the sight; her complete submission to him rare. Elliot grabbed his belt buckle and unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, dropping them along with his briefs. He lifted the hem of her dress, running his hands up the back of her thighs. He pooled the skirt around her waist and then ran his hands over her ass. He slapped her lightly with one hand as he pushed her legs apart slightly with his knee. She adjusted her stance, tensing slightly in anticipation. The heat that he had unleashed in her was almost unbearable and she needed relief.

He flattened his hand on her lower back, and slid it down slowly. He wasn't gentle as he ran his hand down between her legs, running his fingers over her entrance and between her folds…causing her to jolt as he hit her clit. He rubbed his fingers back and forth before he penetrated her slightly with his fingers. She was so fucking wet and his dick twitched. But he had to make sure she was ready for him…he didn't want to hurt her.

She arched her back and pushed her hips back slightly. She was aching and at this point, she'd take his fingers if that's what he wanted. Anything to bring her some relief.

"El…" she moaned, pushing back against him again. "Pleeeaaasee." The word dragged out of her mouth. She need this to end…this torture hard started in the booth hours ago. She didn't need any more foreplay.

Elliot fisted his cock and lined himself up with her entrance. He penetrated her slightly… he felt her body's resistance and heard another throaty moan escape from her throat. She pushed her body back again as he ran his hands over her ass. He gripped her hips and slid into her slowly, her walls clenching around him. He grunted as he filled her, digging his fingers into her hips as he felt her adjusting to his intrusion.

He was so deep. While not an intimate position by any means, she loved when she took her from this angle. He was so long and thick, and at this angle, he filled her completely. This was her favorite moment…when he stretched her with a mix of pleasure and a small pinch of pain. He knew she wanted to be thoroughly fucked tonight…and this was the best way to that end.

Without asking, he knew she was ready to take him, and he pulled out and fucked into her hard…pressing her hips against the table. He was bruising her hips as his fingers dug into her skin…he set up a punishing rhythm, the sound of their bodies connecting over and over again. Olivia was moaning loudly now…one continuous stream of sounds coming from deep inside of her. His body was getting sweaty and he found himself wishing he'd taken the time to take off his shirt…her dress.

Olivia was moaning…he was hitting her in all the right places and pleasure was coursing through her body. He was fucking her hard…it was just what she wanted. To be taken…he was making her his. And he was hers…anxious to please her in every way possible. This complete surrender was freeing. She trusted him completely and that was such a fucking turn-on.

He watched as he drove into her, the sight of him disappearing inside of her erotic as hell. "Fuck!" he yelled. He needed to drive her over the edge…he wanted to feel her shatter around him. He needed release and he didn't know if he could last. "Olivia." He rasped, his rhythm starting to falter. He slid his fingers between her legs and found her clit, swiping his fingers against her. He felt her body start to tremble then and he kept teasing her, hearing her gasp out a string of swear words. It was a few seconds later when he felt her entire body tense…and then her orgasm tore through her body. Her thighs clamped around his hand while her walls clamped around him like a vise. He couldn't hold out any longer…her body forcing his own release. He held her tight against him, their bodies working through the sensations coursing through their bodies.

Elliot collapsed against her back, still intimately connected to her. His breathing was heavy and he could feel her gasping beneath him. He could feel her heart thumping wildly as he lay his head on her back. He lifted himself up slightly, letting her catch her breath. After a minute, he put his hands on the table next to her and pushed himself up.

"Liv." He rasped. "You OK?" He knew he'd been rough with her. It wasn't the first time in their relationship, and he knew she asked him, but he still always wanted to make certain she was OK. He pulled himself gently from her body and tugged her up from the table, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair. "I love you." He whispered.

She turned around in his arms and ran her hand over his chest. She looked up at him through her dark lashes. "I'm good El. Sooo good." She teased, running her hand down his chest. "That was exactly what I needed." She pressed her lips against his. "Now I need a shower." She whispered against his mouth. "Can you help me take this dress off?" She pulled her mouth from his and shot him another look before she turned around slowly, bracing her hands on the edge of the table.

Elliot groaned. _She was going to be the death of him_. He ran his hands up her arms, running his hands across her shoulders. He swept her damp hair to the side as he reached for the zipper at the base of her neck, lowering it slowly. He reached for the straps of her dress and lowered them, the dress falling easily at her feet. She stepped out of the dress as Elliot reached for the clasp of her bra. He unhooked it and the straps of her bra quickly followed the path her dress had taken. She looked back over her shoulder, running her eyes across his chest and then back up to his eyes. "Lose the shirt." She said in a husky voice. She raised an eyebrow as she moved away from him. "I'll be waiting in the shower."

EOEOEOEO

They ended up in a tangled heap on the bed, completely sated…their bodies still damp from the shower. It had been another round of slow torture, soaping each other's bodies…a slow burn. Until they lost control again and Elliot had pushed her into the tiles and taken her again, her legs wrapped around his waist as he thrust into her. It seemed tonight wasn't a night for gentle…they were both hungry for each other. And Olivia knew their night wasn't over.

"What time is it?" Olivia mumbled, her head lying on Elliot's chest.

"Don't know." He said. "Late."

"I never checked on Elise."

"She's fine." Elliot said, running his hand up and down her back.

"I know. I just should have called and said good night."

"She's in good hands. She was probably having so much fun that she didn't even notice." He said, trying to put her at ease, but then realizing that probably wasn't what she wanted to hear. "I mean…"

"I know what you meant." She said, kissing his chest.

Elliot rolled her over on her back and gave her a gentle kiss. "You're a good mother Olivia." He looked into her eyes. "I mean it." He said, confirming before she could deflect the compliment.

She gave him a small smile, thankful to hear him say that. She tried to be a good mother to Elise; tried to be a better mother than her own.

Elliot kissed her neck and then started trailing kisses down her body, giving her nipple a flick of his tongue as he worked his way down. He nudged her legs apart and nestled in between, his hands on either side of her hips as he kissed her abdomen.

She clutched at his shoulders with her fingers. "El. I need some time to recover." She laughed. She was truly exhausted and more than a little sore.

Elliot placed a few gentle kisses along the scar on her abdomen and she jumped like she always did, still self-conscious despite what he said. Elliot lifted his head and saw her watching him, a protest on her lips.

"Are you on the pill?" he asked before she could say anything.

She furrowed her eyebrows together. "You're asking me about birth control _now_?" He hadn't asked when they'd had sex; it felt kind of late to ask about it now. She assumed that he knew she was taking care of things. She had been on the pill when they'd been together before…when she'd gotten pregnant with Elise. _Was he worried_? She propped herself up on her elbows, prepared to ask him because they hadn't talked about it since he'd been back in their lives.

"No." he said, interrupting before she could speak again. He kissed her scar again before looking into her eyes. "Let's have a baby." He said.

"What?" she said, trying to process what he was saying. She'd been thinking he was worried about her getting pregnant…and now he was _telling_ her to get pregnant. On purpose?

"Listen to me Liv." He said, seeing the anxiety course through her body. "I always wanted to have a family with you. We talked about it. I missed your pregnancy with Elise, but it's not too late to have another baby. A son. Or another daughter. I don't care."

"We don't even live in the same city. We haven't even figured out what we're going to do." She argued. "How can we start planning to have a baby?"

Elliot pushed himself up on his knees, resting on his heels as he looked down at her. He had a puzzled look on his face. "Don't you want to be together?"

She sat up and grabbed his hands in hers. She didn't want him to think she was going to leave him again. She wouldn't ever make that mistake again. "Of course I do." She saw the look of disappointment on his face…a flash of fear.

"I'm not going anywhere Elliot." She said. "You don't have to worry about that. I just…" she paused for a second. "I just wasn't expecting to hear you say you wanted to have a baby." She laughed. "I thought you were going to tell me you were worried about me getting pregnant."

Elliot relaxed a little then. Even though he felt like their relationship was better than ever, there would always be a small part of him that worried that she'd leave. He felt better after hearing her words.

He let out a sigh. "I know we have a lot of things to work out, but it takes time to go off birth control and to get pregnant…"

"El."

He put up his hands. "OK. OK. Just tell me you'll think about it." He said.

"I'll think about it."

He started moving back over her body. "And in the meantime, we can practice." He pushed her back and starting kissing her. But he was slightly off-balance and she pushed him off her easily and he fell on his back. She pulled the sheet up over her body and twisted to face him on the bed.

"You've taken me out for drinks…you've had your way with me…twice." She said, holding up two fingers. She leaned over so her hair tickled his face and chest. She ghosted her mouth over his. "I don't have any energy left. You have to feed me."

She pulled back and climbed out of bed, wrapping the sheet around her and heading for the bathroom.

"Liv."

She turned and saw him lying on his side, his head propped up on his bent arm. "What do you want to eat?" he asked. He had every intension of feeding her because there was no way in hell he was done with her yet.

"Surprise me." She said, giving him a big smile as she kicked the door shut.

Elliot lay back on the bed and flung an arm over his eyes. He felt fantastic; making love to Olivia had always been like the nothing he'd experienced before. Although his lifetime experience was limited, he knew he was lucky bastard because he had found the love of his life. As corny as it sounded…his soul mate. Not many people got that chance. He wanted her and Elise to move in with him, he wanted to get married, and he wanted to have another baby. If that's what she wanted.

Mostly, he just wanted her to be happy. It was in her hands.

Olivia came out of the bathroom about ten minutes later and she smiled when she heard him snoring lightly. Looks like if she was going to get any food, she was going to have to get it herself. She dug through Elliot's drawers until she found a t-shirt and some sweats; all of her clothes were in her bag, which was in her car at the precinct. She tied the baggy sweats as best as she could, and they fell, resting on her hips.

She made her way out to the kitchen and dug in the drawers until she found the take-out menus. She ordered some food and as she hung up, she debated about whether or not it was too late to call and check on Elise. She knew Elise would be sleeping, so she settled for a text instead. Once that was done she moved into the living room.

She sat down on the couch and curled her legs up to her chest, wincing a little at the soreness in her body and between her legs. She thought about everything that Elliot had said tonight, and tried to dissect it, wondering why the thought of it had panicked her so much. She had to remember that she wasn't on her own anymore…Elliot would be there for her. She just had to come to terms with where they were at. When she'd decided to let Elliot into Elise's life, she hadn't expected her and Elliot to rekindle their relationship. It still surprised her to some degree, so she hadn't really been thinking about the future. She'd been reveling in the present.

She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. And she smiled. It was time to move forward.


	17. Chapter 17

Olivia heard the buzzer and she jumped up, not wanting the sound to wake Elliot. She had forgotten that he had worked all day, and that he had to work early tomorrow morning. If he was tired, she would let him sleep, and she would crawl in bed with him after she ate.

She buzzed the delivery person up, and then realized she didn't have any cash. She picked Elliot's pants up off the floor and fished in his pocket for some money. The first thing she found was her thong, and it was dangling from her fingers when Elliot came out of the bedroom. He was bare chested and had pulled on a pair of sweats. He scrubbed a hand across his chin as he walked towards her. He snagged her thong and kissed her cheek. "These are mine." Without missing a beat, he was at the door, opening it up before the delivery person could even knock. Olivia saw he had some cash in his hand, and she wondered where it came from.

He pushed the door closed with his foot and turned to face her. "Pizza?" He was surprised by her choice as she almost always opted for a salad or sandwiches or Chinese.

She shrugged her shoulders. "A greasy pizza sounded good." She grabbed the pizza box from his hands. "You get the drinks." She said, nodding her head towards the refrigerator. She sat down on the couch and opened up the box, picking up a slice.

She watched as Elliot walked in from the kitchen with two bottles of water in his hands. "I don't have any beer or wine." He said. "I wasn't expecting you." She laughed when she saw her thong tucked into the waistband of his sweats.

She raised an eyebrow as she chewed on her food. "Is that some kind of trophy?" she asked.

"Hell yeah." He sat down next to her. "I got Olivia Benson to drop her underwear in public."

She rolled her eyes at him. "First of all, it wasn't really in public." She took a sip of water, having finished her slice of pizza. "Second of all, I didn't drop my underwear. _You_ took them off."

"Yeah, well. I'm still keeping them." He took the last bite of pizza and swallowed it, watching her as she ate. "I never did ask you why you changed your mind about coming to New York and spending some time here." He said. He really had been surprised when she had shown up at the bar. He hadn't expected to see her until the weekend.

"Elise missed you." She said.

He got a cocky grin on his face. "Elise missed me huh?" He thought about how she had dressed up…and how Elise was conveniently staying at Don's tonight. He wanted to tease her, but then decided against it. He leaned towards her. "Well, I'm glad she did." He gave her a grin. "And I'm glad she brought her mother along."

Olivia shook her head. She knew he was teasing her, and that he knew that it was just as much her as it was Elise.

"Are you staying all week?"

"If that's OK." Olivia said, turning towards him and laying her head against the back of the couch. She was getting tired, her buzz gone and the evening's activities finally catching up with her.

"Just try to leave." He teased, moving closer to her on the couch. He lay his head on the couch too, so he was looking into her eyes. "I don't ever want you to leave." He said quietly.

"El." She whispered. She wasn't up for a serious discussion tonight and he knew it.

"I know." He reached over and ran his fingers across her cheek, tucking her hair behind her ear. "We'll talk about it later."

"Thank you." She gave him a tired smile. She knew she had been thinking about moving forward just a short time ago, but she was tired now and it all seemed so overwhelming. She knew that they were going to have to make some tough decisions. "We should go to bed." She said, intertwining her fingers with his. "You have to work tomorrow."

He let out a heavy sigh. "I wish I could take a few days off." He squeezed her hand. "But at least I'll have something to come home to." He pulled their joined hands to his mouth and placed a kiss on her knuckles. "Let's go." He stood up and pulled her up and she started to pick up the pizza box and empty water bottles.

"Leave it." He said.

She shook her head. "Just go to bed. I'll be there in a minute." He sighed and then released her hand. She watched him as he walked into the bedroom, watching the swagger in his step. A small smile crossed her face; it wasn't the first time she thought that the attitude matched his body. She picked up the box and the bottles and headed into the kitchen, sliding the box into the refrigerator and tossing the bottles in the recycle bin. She leaned against the counter and tried to imagine she and Elise living here. She had grown up in the city, but Elise had only known a more suburban life…a backyard to play in…an entire house to call home.

"Liv!" She heard Elliot call her name from the bedroom. "Come to bed." She smiled, loving to hear those words come from his mouth. It had been a long, five years of sleeping alone, and the nights she got to spend snuggled next to Elliot were precious to her now. She hit the switch to turn off the kitchen light and padded into the bedroom.

When she got there, she saw he was lying on his back with his eyes open. The lamp on the nightstand was still on, and she could see his eyes were heavy…he was close to falling asleep. He scooted over and pulled back the covers and she moved towards the bed.

"Lose the sweats." He said, his voice groggy.

She laughed, but pulled the drawstring loose. They fell to her ankles and she kicked them off. She took another step and put her knee up, the bed bowing down beneath her weight. Before she climbed into bed completely, he watched as she grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it up and over her head.

She was definitely going to be the death of him.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot and Olivia got to the precinct early the next morning. Olivia was glad to see that no one was there yet. She'd taken a shower this morning, and realized she had no clean clothes. Her dress was a rumpled mess, having spent the night in a pile on the floor. She ended up putting on sweats and a t-shirt after salvaging her bra from the pile. As soon as she got her bag, she headed for the cribs to get dressed and put on a touch of make-up. When she felt human again, she headed back downstairs and saw Elise was sitting with Elliot, eating a donut.

"El!" she said as she came down the stairs, and she laughed as both Elliot and Elise looked up at her.

Elise hopped down from Elliot's lap and ran towards her. "Mommy!"

Olivia scooped her up and gave her a big hug. She placed a kiss on her forehead. "I missed you." She said, burying her face in her hair. "Did you have fun with Papa Don?"

Elise shook her head. "We stopped and got ice cream and then we ordered pizza and we watched a movie and we read some books." She twirled Olivia's hair in her fingers. "I got to stay up late but I'm not supposed to tell you that."

Olivia smiled. Elise squirmed in her arms and she let her down. She ran back over to Elliot and picked up a donut that was sitting on a napkin. "I got you a donut too Mommy." She said, and Olivia walked over to her and took it from her hand.

"Thanks sweetie."

Cragen came out of the office then, and Olivia could see he looked tired. She wondered if he'd gotten any sleep at all.

"Don." Olivia said as he walked over to them. "I really appreciate you keeping her overnight. It was so fun to see everyone and get caught up."

"You know I love having her." He said. He motioned to his office. "Her bag and her car seat are in my office."

"Perfect." She turned back towards Elise. "Honey, we're going to get going in just a few minutes, so finish up your donut."

"Where are we going?" she asked, and Olivia could see a storm brewing on her face, ready to pout if she didn't like the answer.

"We're going to Daddy's house to drop off our stuff, and then we're going to go out to lunch with some of my friends. They want to meet you."

Elliot raised an eyebrow, obviously remembering the topic of conversation between her, Casey and Melinda last night.

To her surprise, Elise didn't put up a fight. She took the last bite of her donut and turned to Elliot. "Let's go."

Olivia sighed. She had obviously assumed he was coming along. "Daddy's going to meet up with us later El. This is girls only lunch."

Elise made a face and turned back towards Elliot.

"It's OK honey. I'll see you in a little bit." He smiled at her. "Now come over here and give me a hug." Elise gave in, and gave him a hug. Then she walked over to Don and gave him a hug when he bent down.

Elliot handed Olivia the keys to his house. "See you at home?" He loved the sound of that and he smiled as he gave her a gentle kiss.

"I'll even make dinner." She said, and she and Elise headed out the door.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia took Elise back to Elliot's apartment, and texted Casey and Melinda to check on lunch. It turned out that it wasn't going to work out for Melinda, but Casey was up for it. They made plans to meet and Olivia and Elise got unpacked and hung out until it was time to leave.

Olivia considered asking Elise about how she would feel if Elliot came to live with them, or if they came to live here, but she was pretty sure she'd be all in for a plan that included him. Plus, Elise really had no idea what a big change like that would mean. She wasn't going to make a decision based on her input, so she left it alone. She didn't want to set any expectations for what was going to happen, or field a million questions until something _did_ change.

They finally met up with Casey at 1PM, and Elise was excited to see her again. She had insisted on wearing her red dress and her red glittery shoes…again and Olivia knew she was going to have to stop indulging the child sometime soon. But not today.

They had just gotten settled when Casey started in, shooting a look at Elise to make sure she was engrossed in her coloring. "So... you and Elliot left pretty quickly last night." She teased.

"We were there for three hours." Olivia pointed out, not biting. "How much longer did you stay?" The nights that they went out after work weren't normally very long; three hours was somewhat of an anomaly unless it was a weekend.

"We left shortly after you two." She answered, taking a sip of water. "But I bet we didn't have nearly as much fun." She raised an eyebrow at her.

Olivia laughed. Casey had never been very subtle…or very shy…when it came to asking about her personal life. Or anyone else's for that matter. "What do you want me to say?" She wasn't going to deny that the went home and had sex. No one would believe that.

"I don't want you to _say_ anything." Casey said. "Because if you try deny it, I know it will be pure BS." She shot another look over at Elise, happy to see she wasn't paying any attention. She leaned over towards Olivia. "I want _details_."

"Casey, I've never given you details about my sex life before so why would I start now?" Casey had asked her the same questions when she and Elliot had been together before; and Olivia hadn't given her anything.

"I know but I thought maybe you would have lightened up by now." She said, leaning back in her chair. "OK. I guess I'll just have to use my imagination." She cocked her head and gave Olivia a big grin. "And in my imagination, I would guess that he had a something to back up that cocky attitude. And the way he was looking at you when you guys left the bar last night, I would also imagine that you may be a little sore today."

"Casey!" Olivia said, a little surprised at her brash words. But she could feel a blush creeping into her cheeks and Casey smiled a triumphant smile.

"I _knew_ it." She said. "No way that man's not good in bed."

"Can we _please_ talk about something else?" she said. She didn't want to be sorry that she had accepted this lunch date.

"OK. OK." She said as the waitress stopped by to take their order. Once that was done, Casey leaned in again. "So. When are you moving back to the City?"

Olivia started laughing. Damn Casey. Nothing was ever easy with her. "I didn't say I was."

"C'mon. Are you honestly going to tell me that you and Elliot are going to live separately?"

Olivia shook her head. "No. I don't think that's an option anymore." She knew it wasn't. She couldn't be that far from him ever again. She wanted to wake up next to him every morning, have family dinner at night, snuggle up with their daughter between them in the evenings. She wanted all of the little everyday things that you didn't get with weekend rendezvous'. "But maybe Elliot will move to Connecticut."

Casey looked somewhat stunned, like that hadn't occurred to her. "He would leave SVU?"

Olivia shrugged. "I don't know Casey. We haven't even talked about it."

"Here I thought maybe you would move back to the City and come back to SVU. The Dream Team. Together again."

"You know we can't be partners." Olivia said. She knew there was no going back, no matter how much she longed for it sometimes.

"Yeah."

"And I don't honestly know if I would want to be a cop again. I like what I'm doing."

"You can do that here." Casey pointed out. "Plus your family and friends are here Liv."

"I have friends in Connecticut." She said, suddenly feeling like the decision was being made for her. "Elise and I have a life there. Elise has a school she likes. She has friends. She's never lived in the city. It's different."

"I know." Casey said. She could hear the defensiveness in Olivia's voice. "I was just saying that we'd like to have you close by. I guess I just assumed because Elliot's kids are here…"

 _Damn_. She _would_ have to bring that up. That very thought had been on Olivia's mind, and maybe that's why she was feeling so much pressure. Everyone was just assuming that she was coming back, without any regard for the life she had built. She wondered if Elliot felt the same way.

Casey knew Olivia fairly well, and despite her friend's poker face, she could tell it was a touchy subject. She started to apologize when Olivia started talking again.

"I don't know what I'm going to do Casey." She confided in her friend. "This has all happening so fast. I never expected that Elliot and I would pick up where we left off. I just wanted Elise to know her father." She put a hand to her mouth, shocked at the words that were pouring out. She never spoke about personal things; she made an art form out of keeping those to herself. But she couldn't seem to stop it.

"Did you really think that once you two saw each other again that you would be able to stay away from each other? She asked, shaking her head at how delusional she and Elliot were sometimes. All of the time.

"I didn't want to hope. I thought he'd be so angry. That he would never forgive me."

"Well, after what I saw last night, it seems like he has." Casey said, a smirk on her face. "So now you two just have to figure out the next step."

Olivia gave her a weak smile. "Sometimes that's easier said than done."

Casey shook her head. "I'm going to say this because it's something I should have said a long time ago. You two have always been your own worst enemy. I've never seen two people more in denial about what they had between them. When you two finally got your shit together I was like Hallelujah." She threw up her hands. "They finally get it." She dropped her hands on the table. "When you left, Elliot was crushed…I've never seen him like that Liv. That man loves you with everything he has. I only wish I could find someone that looks at me with a fraction of how like he looks at you. And it's the same with you. So do me a favor and don't fuck it up. And I mean both of you. Because I don't think the two of you would survive it this time."

Olivia looked at her, completely dumbstruck at the outpouring from her friend. She tried to formulate a response, but her mind was reeling, because she knew she was right.

Casey gave her a smile "So, what are you and Elise going to do this afternoon?"

Olivia smiled back then, so thankful for Casey for the quick change in topic. She'd never had many close girlfriends, and it was nice to have someone to talk to. She loved that Casey had read her mind, but also knew when it was time to back off.

Elise, never missing a beat, had heard her name. "We're going shopping." She said.

"Well, apparently that's decided." Said Olivia, once again wondering where this love of shopping came from.

Their food came and Casey started talking about her failed love life once again, and Olivia was happy for the normalcy. When they had finished up and were saying their goodbyes, Olivia gave Casey a hug.

"Thank you." She said.

Casey gave her a puzzled look. "For what? You bought lunch."

"For the sanity check. And for always telling me the stuff I don't want to hear."


	18. Chapter 18

_Hi readers! I'm sorry it's taken so long to get this update out. This chapter was horrible and luckily my beta pulled me back from the edge and I completely rewrote it. I also hate to tell you that I'm going on vacation on Saturday, and I'll be gone for a little over a week. So there won't be any updates until I get back. I feel bad about that. I just wanted you to know so you don't think I'm abandoning the story! Thanks for all of your reviews. Keep them coming._

EOEOEOEO

Elise had picked spaghetti as her choice for dinner, and now Olivia was puttering around the kitchen trying to finish everything up while Elliot and Elise played in the living room. She smiled when she heard Elliot threaten her with tickling, followed by a small scream and a stream of giggles as he followed through.

She found herself hoping that the entire evening could stay this lighthearted because Elliot wanted to talk tonight. She's doesn't know if she's for the discussion. She's been thinking about what Casey said at lunch, and she doesn't want to fuck it up. She really doesn't. But she honestly can't decide what she wants. She knows that will make it a difficult to respond to anything Elliot proposes; and she's worried that she'll just react badly to anything he suggests because she doesn't want to make a decision. Not because she doesn't want to move forward, but because whatever they decide will change things forever. And that scares the shit out of her.

Elliot came around the corner and she turned to see Elise on his back. "Can we help with anything?" he asked. Elise parroted him with a giggle. She shook her head, smiling at the picture in front of her. The way Elise's small hands were clasped around his neck, Elliot's large hand gently holding her against his back, and the smile on both of their faces.

"Nope." She said, smiling back at them. "Dinner's ready. Grab a seat."

Elliot paused for a minute, watching her as she put pasta on the plates. He thought about the last time she was in his kitchen…over five years ago. He remembered shimmying her pajama shorts down and lifting her up on the counter…kissing his ways up the inside of her thighs…

"El?" He saw she was looking at him with a puzzled expression on her face. "Is something wrong?"

Elliot smiled at her and shook his head. "Nope."

She heard Elise squeal as Elliot gave her a ride over to the table and dropped her in her seat. Olivia brought their plates over and sat down. She saw Elise was standing on her chair.

"El. Sit down please."

"I don't want to eat. I want another ride." She said, a small pout on her face.

"Elise. Sit down." Olivia said firmly.

"I don't want sgetti." She said, narrowing her eyes and looking at Olivia.

Olivia hated when she challenged her like this. The child had always been stubborn, cursed with getting a double dose from her parents. She had worked hard over the years to anticipate it…head it off at the pass before Elise had dug her heels dug in. But there had been so much upheaval over the past three and a half months; the child had been so indulged because of all of the changes in her life. Olivia knew she had to start getting things back on track.

"Elise." She said firmly. "You chose spaghetti, so that's what we're having. It's dinner time, so you will sit down and eat. I'm not going to argue with you."

Elise hesitated for only a second and eyed her mother. "No!" she yelled, stomping her foot and almost losing her balance. She caught herself, but not before Elliot was out of the chair, wrapping his arm around her waist.

"Elise!" He yelled. "Enough!" His voice was loud in the quiet room, startling even Olivia. She watched as he swept his arm under her legs, setting her down firmly in the chair. "You are going to sit down and you are going to eat!"

He sat down in his chair with a huff and Elise promptly burst into tears.

"What do you think you're doing?" Olivia hissed, censoring the expletives from her question to him. She was up and out of her chair in a second, and she scooped Elise into her arms. Elise wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and buried her face in her neck, sobbing.

Elliot furrowed his brow. _Was she upset with him?_ "Getting her to sit down to eat dinner." He said simply.

"You didn't have to yell like that!" She was trying to keep her voice down so she didn't upset Elise anymore, but she was failing miserably.

"She needs to learn to listen." Elliot said.

"And yelling at her is going to help?" she snapped, rocking Elise as her sobs subsided. It wasn't that she never raised her voice, but Elliot's voice was much louder, and neither one of them had been expecting it.

Elliot wanted to say something, but he didn't want to get into it and ruin their night. He knew that all of this was an adjustment. He would bring it up later.

He leaned over towards Elise, who was sobbing quietly on Olivia's lap. "Honey, I didn't know my voice was so loud and I didn't mean to scare you." He wasn't going to apologize for trying to discipline her, but he wanted them to get back to their family dinner. He saw she was making a point of not looking at him. "Sorry." He mouthed to Olivia. Then he turned his attention back to his daughter. "Elise." He said again.

Olivia nudged her. "Daddy's talking to you." She said. "Can you look at him?"

"No." she said stubbornly and Olivia couldn't help but crack a smile. She looked up at Elliot and saw he had a small smile on his face as well. Such much stubbornness rolled into such a small package.

She kissed the top of Elise's head and started eating. After a minute, Elise, climbed down from her lap and walked over to her chair. A few minutes later, she had forgotten all about it and was eating her dinner and chatting away, telling Elliot all about their day.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot tucked Elise into bed after reading her a couple of stories. He walked into the kitchen, and saw Olivia putting the last of the dishes into the dishwasher. As she closed the door, he came up behind her and caged her body with his.

"You know what I was thinking about?" he whispered, pressing her body against the counter gently?

"It better not be some crack about me and my cooking." She said playfully.

"Would I tease you about that?" he said. "I'm actually impressed. Seems to me that we used to always order in or go out."

"Well, it wasn't that I couldn't cook. I just saw no reason to."

"Well, it doesn't matter because that's not what I was going to say." He placed a kiss on her neck, right where her t-shirt ended. "I was just remembering the last time you were in my kitchen."

"This morning?"

He let out a sound of exasperation. "Are you being difficult on purpose?" he asked, running his hands up her hips to her waist. "I'm talking about when I pulled off your pajama pants…" His hands slid around to her belt buckle and started unbuckling it. He placed gentle kisses up her neck until he reached the sensitive spot beneath her ear. She dropped her head back slightly as he continued teasing that spot with his lips and his teeth. "And then I picked you up and set you on the counter…."

Olivia moaned a little, remembering that morning. It wasn't much before she'd broken things off. For now, she was going to choose to allow the good memory to override the bad. Elliot was still kissing her neck, but she moved her hands over his, stilling his movement as he tried to lower her zipper. "Elise is still awake." She whispered.

"I doubt it." He whispered against her skin.

"Locked doors. Remember?" she said, her voice deep and throaty because damn it, she was already so turned on. It didn't take much. It was like her body knew what was coming as soon as his hands or mouth were on her and it was screaming " _Yes! Take me now_."

"You want me and you know it." He whispered in her ear. He trailed his tongue down the shell of her ear and then bit down lightly on her earlobe. "Tell me."

She ignored his comment. "I thought we were going to talk tonight." She dropped her head forward and grasped the edge of the counter as he moved his mouth down her neck again. He kissed the back of her neck as he unzipped her pants. "We _are_ talking." He mumbled.

"This isn't talking."

He pulled her jeans down her hips and she wasn't stopping him and he smiled against her neck. He hadn't been able to stop thinking about this since the memory first surfaced before dinner, and he was revved and ready to go.

"It is. How about if I tell you exactly what I'm going to do to you." He whispered. "Turn around." He said, placing his hands back on her hips. She kicked her jeans off as she turned. Elliot ran his hands up her sides, taking her t-shirt with it. He pulled it up and over her head.

"You don't need to tell me. Just show me." She whispered. "How come I always have all my clothes off and you're always full dressed?" She asked, running her hands across his chest.

Elliot wiggled his eyebrows. "Focus." He placed gentle kisses on the swell of her breasts. "Besides, you're not naked." He dragged her bra strap down her right arm, releasing her breast. "Yet."

Olivia looked past Elliot, worried that Elise would walk in on them. She had no idea how she would possibly explain being half naked in the kitchen.

"As much as I appreciate this spontaneity, can we take this in the bedroom?"

Elliot lifted his head from her breast. "Chicken." He cupped her cheek with his hand and pressed his mouth against hers. His other hand cupped the back of her head and he opened her mouth with his. He let out a small groan as his tongue swept hers and he felt her arms snake around him and pull his body against hers.

He ran his hands back down to her waist and tried to lift her up but she fought him. She pulled her mouth from his. "Bedroom." She rasped.

"No." He pressed himself against her. "Here." He grasped her panties at her hips and pulled them down.

"Elliot." She hissed.

He ignored her and put his hands back on her waist and lifted her up on the counter. He smiled when she didn't fight him on it. "You're so easy." He teased, fitting his body in between her legs and pulling her closer to the edge of the counter. He reached back and released the clasp of her bra, tossing it on the floor. He ran his hands up her abdomen and up the underside of her breasts, grasping them in his hands.

Olivia wanted to make a comment about how stubborn he was being, but instead she moaned and dropped her head back as he buried his face between her breasts. She loved the feel of his large hands on her and it was a mix of pleasure and pain as he squeezed and ran his thumbs over her tight nipples. "Feels so good." She choked out, closing her eyes as he took one breast in her mouth. She gripped the edge of the counter and she pushed her body against his. "Fuck." She said as she realized the counter was too high. She couldn't get his erection between her legs; she wanted to feel him against her. She moved her hands behind her, leaning back slightly as Elliot continued to tease her breasts. She pushed her hips into him and felt him laugh against her skin.

"Patience." He loved to tease her. He knew she was ready to go; she would be happy if he took her now. But her body drove him insane and he always wanted to explore. He liked to play before he slid inside of her.

"Goddamnit." She groaned.

Elliot's hands and mouth left her breasts and he started kissing his way down her abdomen, his hands sliding down her hips. He spread his hand across the tops of her thighs, and stroked the inside of her thighs with his thumbs. "Lie down." He whispered.

She pushed herself back up. "I don't want to do this here." She clutched at his shoulders. She wanted his shirt off…his pants off. She shoved him backwards and he stumbled slightly, surprised by her actions. She took that opportunity to hop down off the counter. In seconds, she had her hands on the hem of his t-shirt and lifted it up and over his head. Her hands dropped to his jeans, and she had them unbuttoned and unzipped in record time.

His jeans were barely down around his ankles before she had slid her hand inside of his boxers. She ran her hand down the length of him, squeezing gently, and she felt another rush of heat as she thought about him slipping inside of her.

"Fuck!" he grunted. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her body towards his. "OK, you win." He was done fighting her, suddenly feeling the need to be buried inside of her. _Playtime was over._ He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him. He could feel how wet she was…and any resolve he had left was gone. He had only taken half a dozen steps down the hall when he stopped and pushed her up against the wall. He wrapped his hands beneath her thighs. He lifted her up slightly and then lowered her down…pushing past her bodies gentle resistance as he slid inside of her slowly. The both let out a simultaneous moan…long and low…as he filled her.

Olivia closed her eyes as her head fell back against the wall. The moment Elliot slid inside of her was always overwhelming…all of her senses were on fire. He shifted slightly, opening her legs a little more and she was amazed at the strength of him. She ran her hands across her shoulders and down his biceps, feeling the strain of his muscles as he held her against the wall.

"Move." She demanded, tightening her muscles and getting a gasp from him. She felt him push her thighs impossibly wider and she felt the pull of her muscles, already sore from the night before. She was completely open to him now and as he started to move, he was hitting her in all of the right places, inside and out.

He was grunting with exertion and she felt bad that he was doing all the work, but she knew it wasn't going to be long. She was so worked up; she was going to come fast. She clenched her muscles around him again and she felt him falter. He dropped his mouth to her shoulder, and she felt his teeth bit into her slightly as he continued to drive inside her. The rhythm he set was fast and hard, and she honestly didn't know how he was still holding her up. She felt her body starting to tremble. She was close and she let out another low moan. "Oh…oh…oh…" she couldn't stop moaning now.

"Fuck." He swore as she clenched hard around him. "C'mon babe." He fucked into her hard…once…twice…three times. And that was it for her. Her orgasm tore through her, her body tensing and her body tightening around him…driving him over the edge. He bit into her shoulder as he came, pinning her hard against the wall as he released inside of her. He grunted as he dug his fingers into her thighs, and he knew he was bruising her but he didn't want to drop her. His energy was spent and is body was slick with sweat. He felt himself start to lose his grip on her and he pulled out of her quickly as had no choice but to release his hold on her.

Her muscles strained and her thighs screamed as her legs dropped to the floor. They felt wobbly and she started to fall, unable to support her weight. Elliot grabbed her hips to try to stop her, but he couldn't get a hold of her and suddenly they were both on the floor. He cushioned her fall with his body, and grunted as an elbow drove into his chest. They both started laughing as they lay in a sweaty heap, and Elliot wrapped his arms around her as she settled on his body.

"I told you we should have gone to bed." She whispered, placing a kiss on his chest.

"Second round."

Olivia shot him a look. "Are you having sex with me to avoid talking about anything serious tonight?" she asked, propping her chin on his chest.

"Yes. That's the only reason I wanted to have sex with you." Elliot said, laughing. "You're joking right?"

"It's a valid question."

"Well, it seems like it takes two." He said, running his hands down her back. "I didn't hear you so no." he teased. "So I could accuse you of the same thing."

"Yeah, yeah. But I didn't start this. You did." She countered.

"I'm glad I did. Besides, what's there to talk about? I _want_ you and Elise to move in with me. Do you really think I don't?"

Olivia looked back up at him. "That's awfully presumptuous."

"C'mon Liv. We've been through this. I don't think either one of us thinks this isn't going to work out. That's not even an option." He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her body against his. "I'm not letting you go. Ever again." He didn't understand that she was talking about a move to the city; not their relationship.

Olivia sighed against his chest. She believed everything that Elliot was saying; she knew that neither one of them were going anywhere. But she was surprised at his assumption that she would move to the city. She had known it would be a tough conversation, but now she realized that maybe that maybe he was going to be a tougher to have a rational discussion than she had originally thought.

"Well, that's good, because you're stuck with me." She placed a few open mouthed kisses along his chest.

Elliot chuckled. "I can live with that." He trailed his fingers up her back and goosebumps broke out on her body. He shifted slightly, the hard floor uncomfortable on his back. "I need to get up."

She rolled off of him and he stood up. He reached down and grabbed her hands, pulling her up and against his body. He placed a kiss on her forehead and then on her lips. "OK." He said. "You win. Let's get dressed and we can talk."

"You know what?" Olivia said. "There's nothing that can't wait until tomorrow." She gave him a sultry smile and started walking towards the bedroom, tugging Elliot behind her.

 _Thanks again everyone! I'm sorry that this probably wasn't a very good update; my beta didn't have a chance to read it. I promise we will have some resolution in the next chapter. See you in a week or so!_


	19. Chapter 19

_Hola! Hi everyone! Thanks for your patience. This chapter was written under the sunny skies of the Dominican Republic, one afternoon when I needed a break. The Internet connection is sketchy here, so I'm quickly trying to post this before I leave the country. I hope you're still enjoying the story and not too mad about the delay. I will be on my way home soon and will post another chapter tomorrow. Gracias!_

EOEOEOEO

Olivia kissed Elise good night and walked out into the living room. She saw Elliot sitting on the couch, flipping around to try to find something to watch on TV. She couldn't believe it was Friday already. The week had flown by and she had to say, she'd been having a great time. She had managed to spend some time with Casey, they'd had dinner with Fin and Munch one night, and she and Elise had spent a few hours with Don. She had taken Elise to Central Park on one particularly warm day while Elliot was at work, and took her to the Museum of Natural History. Elliot had talked her into having all of the kids over for dinner on Saturday night so they could meet their little sister. So far, she and Elliot had managed to avoid talking about anything serious; as if both of them knew it might erupt in a fight and they didn't want to ruin their time together.

"Hey." He said, as she walked into the room. "She asleep?"

Olivia nodded. "She will be in a minute. She's worn out." She sat down next to him on the couch, and noticed that he had opened a bottle of wine. "Wine?"

Elliot turned the TV off. "I thought it might be nice to relax a little." He tangled his fingers with hers, their hands resting between them. "And make that talk we've been avoiding a little easier." He had tried to bring up the subject of her moving to New York a couple of times this week, and each time, she had successfully changed the subject. He wasn't sure why she didn't want to discuss it; he felt confident that it didn't have anything to do with her having doubts about their relationship. This week had been wonderful and he knew she felt the same. So he was trying not to panic and make up reasons why she was dodging it.

"I haven't been avoiding the conversation. We've been busy." She said. She sat up slightly and grabbed the glass of wine.

"OK." Elliot said, smiling at her. "So now we have some time, so let's talk.

"Fine." She said. She immediately felt defensive and she had to admit to herself that she _didn't_ want to have this conversation. She was happy with Elliot and she loved the time they were spending together. There was no place she'd rather be than by his side. But whatever they decided was going to change her life forever. And Elise's.

"So tell me what you're thinking." He said, rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand. He saw a momentary look of panic flit across her features, and then it was gone. "Something is bothering you." He didn't want to put words in her mouth, or presume to know what she was thinking. "Tell me."

Olivia took another sip of wine and thought about what she wanted to say. They were so bad at talking and so good at trying to read between the lines and misunderstanding what the other was trying to say.

"Olivia." Elliot said, a little exasperation in his tone. "Why don't you start by telling me why you don't want to talk about this." He would walk her through this if he had to.

"I just know that whatever we do, my life, and Elise's life, are going to change forever." She said stubbornly.

"I have news for you. It's already changed." He said. "Wasn't that kind of the point when you decided to have me be a part of Elise's life?"

"Yes. No." she shook her head. "I mean." She took a sip of wine and collected her thoughts. "When I thought about having you in Elise's life, I didn't think that you and I…" She motioned between them. "That we'd be doing this."

"So you thought it would be weekend visitation and dividing up holidays."

Olivia shrugged her shoulders slightly. "I didn't know what it was going to happen." She was honest about that because even though she didn't think Elliot would ever deny a child of his, there had been so many ways the scenario could have played out. In the months leading up to telling him, she had played out so many in her mind and finally had to stop. It was driving her crazy, and she knew matter how she outcomes she devised, none of them were going to be right.

"OK." Elliot could understand that. She had every right to expect that he was going to upset…furious with her. He had been. She had every right to believe that he would never forgive her. Even he was surprised by where they were at this point, because when he first found out about her deception, he certainly thought he never would either. "So…things are going to change. But isn't that good? We have a family. I want to live together. Don't you?"

"Of course I do."

"Then help me understand what the problem is."

"You want me to move to move New York, don't you?" Olivia asked. She knew he did. He had mentioned them moving in with him a few days back.

"I guess I just assumed you'd want to move back. You've lived in Manhattan your whole life. Your friends are here. Cragen. The squad."

"Yeah, you assumed is right. You never asked me what I wanted." She was trying not to let emotion creep into her voice. "I've made a life in Connecticut. We have a home. The only home Elise has known. I have a job that I love. And friends."

"Yeah, but the only reason your there..." He stopped. The only reason she had fled the city was to avoid him and hide her pregnancy. He knew if he said that, she'd be angry. And he didn't want to fight. He wanted to resolve this.

"Are you going to finish that sentence?" she asked, a little anger n her tone.

"Listen." He said, squeezing her hand. "We agreed not to dwell on the past anymore. So let's not." He saw her visibly relax. "I guess I never thought that you might want to stay there."

"It's not unreasonable to consider." She said.

Elliot shook his head. "It's not unreasonable to talk about it." The thought of moving in with her had never even really cross his mind, and now that he was thinking about it, there were several problems that came to the forefront.

"OK." She said, happy that he was at least willing to consider it. She loved the house she and Elise lived in. She had never thought she would like living outside the city, and it had been an adjustment at first. She hadn't liked having to get in the car every time she needed groceries or something from the drug store. She hated that every few restaurants delivered to her house. She hated having to find someone to do her yardwork and to shovel snow and everything else that went along with owning a home.

Now she loved it.

"Maybe it's time for you to leave SVU." She suggested quietly. "Time to do something else."

"I don't know what else I would do." He said. And honestly, he didn't.

"I was forced to figure it out." She said. "And it's worked out. I love what I'm doing."

"Yeah, but whatever I do, I have to make enough money to pay alimony and support three kids, plus you and Elise."

"You don't need to support me and Elise. We manage just fine." The money her mother had left her had made a huge dent in the cost of the house. Her monthly house payment was relatively low. "Elise will be going to school next year, so daycare cost will go down."

"OK, but I still have one kid in college and by the time she's done, I'll be sending two more. I still have to pay alimony to Kathy until the kids leave the house."

Olivia nodded. "But you won't have to pay rent here in the city anymore. That's a lot of money per month."

"True." He said. "But that's not the only thing to consider." He pulled his hand from hers and scrubbed a hand over his face. "My kids Liv. I'd be a long way from my kids."

Olivia had thought about that. She knew that would be an objection. But they were almost grown; teenagers with their own lives. She wasn't even sure how often he saw them, and they could certainly come and visit them. "They can come stay with us. They're so busy with their own lives. How often do you see them? You said yourself that they'll be going to college in two years. They could end up anywhere."

Elliot furrowed his brow. "I see them all the time. Kathleen stops in at least once a week and I see all of them on the weekends. I can't believe you're taking my time with them so lightly." He could feel anger bubbling up and he tried to tamp it down. "Seems to me you left because you didn't want to get in between me and my kids and now you're just expecting me to leave them behind?"

"It was different then. They were younger." She tried to explain. "And I'm not asking you to leave them behind. I'm just saying that things are changing in their lives over the next couple of years and we should take that into consideration because we're making a decision that impacts the rest of our lives for years to come."

"So what am I supposed to say to them? Sorry, I'm going to live with my other daughter so it's been nice. Come see us sometime."

"That's not what I'm saying. I'm just asking you to consider all of our options before you assume that I'm going to quit my job and uproot my daughter from everything she's ever known."

"She's 4. It's easy to adjust at that age."

Olivia bridled a little at his assumption, even though she knew it was true. "What if I don't want to raise her in the city?" That was part of it. Elise was used to playing in the backyard…green grass and fresh air.

"What's wrong with raising her in the city? You were raised here." He saw the look on her face. "We don't have to live in Manhattan."

"What? I'm going to live in Queens?" she blurted out. "Be some housewife taking the kids to soccer and going to PTA meetings?" She had visions of Kathy, most likely volunteering for everything at school, organizing snacks at sporting events, and probably the damn president of the PTA. She wasn't going to be that woman. That wasn't her. "If that's what you want..." She started to move off the couch.

Elliot grabbed her arm gently and pulled her back onto the couch. "Why are you getting upset? When did I say that's what I wanted?" He shook his head. "You're the one that said you didn't want to raise Elise in the city, so I was just suggesting other options. I was trying to reach a compromise. Something we could both live with. Because I just don't think I can be that far from the kids. Not right now."

Olivia sank back into the cushions on the couch. In her heart, she knew Elliot wouldn't leave the city. At least right now. She had tried to think about leaving Connecticut, selling the little house and moving in with Elliot in the city. She knew it was probably the most likely scenario, but she had at least wanted to discuss it as an option. As much as she loved Elliot and as much as she wanted to make this work, she just wasn't sure if she was ready to give up what she had. "Maybe it's just too soon." She said stubbornly. "Maybe we should just give it some more time before we make such a big decision."

Elliot furrowed his brow at her. "What?" He didn't understand what she was saying. "Are you saying that you're worried this isn't going to work out between us?"

Olivia saw the look of frustration on his face. "No." She really wasn't worried about that. She just thought maybe a little time would let them think through all of this.

"Is it because we're not married?" Elliot asked. "Are you afraid to do anything permanent…"

Olivia shot him a look. "Of course not!" That thought had never even crossed her mind. Of course the good Catholic boy had thought of that…even though he knew her better than that.

"'Cuz I'll marry you tomorrow Liv. You know that." He would; anything to make her feel secure in his love for her. He'd thought about it. A lot. He just didn't know if she did, or if she would even say yes if he asked her.

Olivia couldn't help but smile, seeing the sincerity on his face. "Elliot, are you asking me to marry you?" she teased but then panicked because she saw the look on his face and knew he was being dead serious. She put up a hand. "No, forget I asked that."

"But…" Elliot said, trying to grab her hand.

Olivia shook her head. She wasn't ready for that. And if he ever did ask her to marry him, she didn't want it to because he felt like he had to. She saw the look on his face; he was taking her back-peddling as rejection "I'm not saying I wouldn't marry you." She leaned in and kissed him gently. "But it's not the reason I'm going slowly and not jumping in with both feet." She gave him another kiss. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Elliot nodded, thinking over the entire conversation. It seemed to be going around in circles, but he just had to make her understand one important thing. "Liv, I don't want to be apart from you and Elise."

"I know."

There was silence for a few minutes before Elliot spoke again. "How about we find a new place here in the city? Something bigger. Something that's ours. Close to a park and a good school for Elise. And we keep the house in Connecticut and can spend time there on weekends or whenever we have time."

"Can we afford a bigger place here if we don't sell the house?"

"I don't know. But we can at least look and see if it's an option. And if it's not, we'll reconsider."

"And my job?"

Elliot was quiet; he didn't have an answer for that. "I know you like what you're doing Liv, but there are jobs like that here."

"So you're telling me you won't leave the city?"

"I'm telling you that I'm not ready to leave my job and that I can't leave my kids. Not right now. Maybe 2 or 3 years down the road, I'll be ready and then if we keep the house maybe we can move back there." He was desperately trying to think of a plan.

Olivia stood up. "So I'm going to give up everything there just to move here for 2 or 3 years? Uproot Elise and quit my job?" She wrapped her arms around herself and looked out the window. "I don't know."

Elliot quickly came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. "I know it's a lot to ask. I really do." He kissed the top of her head. "If I could move out with you I would. I'd do anything for you. I just can't right now."

Olivia nodded lightly. She understood what he was saying. It would be easier for she and Elise to move. Undoubtedly.

"I just need a little time to think things through." She whispered, knowing that wasn't what he wanted to hear. She needed time to think…to adjust to the idea of coming back to the city.

"OK." He said simply. He wasn't happy that she was hesitant and he was trying not to read too much into it. He couldn't imagine that they wouldn't be together. But he also knew he couldn't push her anymore. In some ways, it was miraculous that they had gotten through this entire conversation without arguing. "We can keep talking if you want."

Olivia shook her head and then lay it back on his shoulder. "Let's not." She needed something to take her mind off of it for a little while. "Can we please just find a movie to watch or something?" She knew tomorrow was going to be chaotic with all of the kids coming over, and she was already nervous about that. And then on Sunday she and Elise had to head home.

 _Home._

She wondered if it would even feel like home anymore. Could she be home without Elliot by her side? She thought about the few days without him there, when she had finally decided to take a week off and come for a visit. She didn't doubt it would be the same when they got back.

Elliot walked her back to the couch and she curled up against his chest again. She closed her eyes as Elliot turned on the TV and started flipping through the channels. She inhaled his scent and felt his strong arm wrapped around her and she knew she was right where she was supposed to be. Right next to Elliot. _Finally._

Now they just had to figure out the geography.

"Liv?"

Olivia opened her eyes and looked up at him. "Yeah?"

"I asked if this movie is OK." He had asked her a couple of times, until he realized she was a million miles away.

"Oh. Sorry. Yeah, it's fine." She wasn't even paying attention. She grabbed Elliot's other hand and wrapped it around her and snuggled further back into his chest.

Elliot gave her a squeeze and kissed the top of her head. He felt a renewed sense of hope that they would figure all of this out and that they would be together soon.


	20. Chapter 20

_Hola! Hola! I'm nice and relaxed from vacation! I'm glad to hear that people haven't forgotten about this story. I'm updating as quickly as I can. Back to the U.S. Vacation Is over. (Imagine a sad face inserted here). Please keep leaving reviews. I love it!_

EOEOEOEO

The next morning, Elise was up bright and early, and Elliot and Olivia didn't have any time to dwell on the conversation from the night before. All of Elliot's kids were coming for lunch, so they had a little over three hours to try to explain four half-siblings to Elise.

They hadn't told her anything about Elliot's kids before and neither one of them could say why. It just had never seemed like the right time. When Elliot had told Olivia that the kids were starting to ask about her, he had tentatively suggested a get together and she had begrudgingly agreed. She didn't know why it had to be so soon, but there was really no reason to deny him. He seemed excited about it.

They had agreed not to tell Elise until the day of the get-together, only because she would drive them insane with questions and grow impatient with anticipation.

So, now was the time.

They were all sitting at the table, finishing up breakfast. Olivia had wracked her brain with how to tell Elise about this, and had finally decided she was probably making it more complicated than it needed to be. Elise had all kinds of friends with different types of families, and hadn't had a father for the first four years of her life. She had no expectation of what was "normal".

Elliot had decided Olivia could explain to her and he would be there to support her.

 _Chicken._

"Elise." Olivia started as she finished up the last of her pancakes. "We're going to have some people over for lunch today."

"Is it Papa Don?" she asked, not even looking up from her plate.

"No." Olivia said.

"Is it Casey?" she asked.

Olivia rolled her eyes. She had to get a word in before the little girl named everyone she knew. "El, it's not anyone you've met before. It's someone new."

Elise looked up at her. "OK. Can I go play now?"

"No. I need to talk to you about who's coming over." Olivia was surprised that Elise wasn't curious. She usually had a lot of questions about any new situation.

Elise got a little pout on her face but she stayed put.

"You know how Elliot is your daddy?"

Elise rolled her eyes and Olivia wondered, not for the first time, where she had picked up that habit. "Yes." She shot a look over at Elliot.

"Well, there are some other girls and a boy that have Elliot as a daddy too. But they're kind of grown up kids now."

Elise had a puzzled look on her face.

Olivia forged ahead. "A long time ago, Daddy was married to someone named Kathy and he had four kids. And then Daddy didn't live with them anymore and then Daddy and me had you."

Elise looked at Olivia and then over at Elliot. She turned her attention back to Olivia, but she didn't say a word.

"So these girls and the boy are your brother and sisters." She wasn't going to try to explain half-siblings. She forged straight ahead as she saw Elise trying to process all of this. "And your brother and sisters want to come over here today and meet you."

"Are they going to live with us?" Elise asked.

"Not really. Like I said before, they're kind of grown up. So they might come visit and spend a weekend or a few days with us, but they live with their mom, Kathy." She didn't want to confuse her with Kathleen being in college and Maureen living on her own. Simple was best.

"My friend Daniel has two moms and two dads." She said. "And sometimes he has to go stay with his Dad and his new mom and he doesn't like it. Will I have to go stay with the other mom?"

"No!" said Olivia, a little more sharply than she intended. "No." she said more quietly. "You just live with me. But like I said before, these other kids want to see their Dad, so they may come stay with us sometimes."

"At our house?" she asked, another puzzled look on her face. "Or here? Do we live here now? 'Cuz I don't have my new red dress or my red shoes or my bike or my dollhouse. And my room isn't pink and purple."

Suddenly, Olivia felt like a horrible mother. She hadn't done a very good job of explaining everything that was going on. She knew Elise was only 4, but she was smart and perceptive and she should have at least tried to explain a little instead of just dragging her along. She should have known she'd have more questions; that a weeklong visit would seem so much longer to her.

Fortunately, Elliot jumped in. "That's what we're trying to figure out baby. Mommy and I have to talk about it some more. We all want to live together, you, me and Mommy. But I have this apartment and you have your house with your pink and purple room and so we have to think about where would be the best place for all of us to live."

Olivia could see the look of concern on her daughter's face. "It'll be OK honey." She said, putting her hand on Elise's back and rubbing small circles.

Elise's lower lip stuck out just a little and Olivia worried for a second that the little girl was going to cry. She realized that they had thrown a lot at her in a very short period of time; even though they hadn't intended on bringing up living arrangements.

"Can I go play now?" she asked, looking back at Olivia. The pout on her face was gone.

She and Elliot were surprised by the abrupt change, and that there weren't any more questions. Maybe the way things had been changing so rapidly over the past several months had made her more accepting. Olivia really didn't know, but she let it go. "Sure. I'll be in to do your hair and help you get dressed in a little while."

Elise slipped off her chair but as she walked past Olivia, she stopped and leaned on her leg. "Mommy. If I have a new room maybe I want to paint it yellow. Yellow might be my new favorite color." Then she hurried away to her room before Olivia could say another word.

Elliot reached across the table and took Olivia's hand in his. "Kids are resilient Liv. She's going to be fine, no matter what we do. As long as she's with you, that kid is happy."

Olivia gave him a tight smile. She had been so adamant about being a good mother; about doing all the right things. She wanted Elise to have stability in her life…to feel safe. All of the things she never had in her childhood. That's why she worried about the rapid rate of change in her little girl's life. But Elise was proving Elliot right and it gave Olivia a measure of relief. She knew that the changes they were making, or were going to make, would result in a better family life for Elise.

Elliot dropped her hand and stood up and started to clear the breakfast dishes. He walked into the kitchen and set the dirty dishes on the counter. He was about to turn when he felt Olivia's arms wrap around his waist. She lay her head against the center of his back.

He placed his hands on top of hers. "Everything OK?" he asked, squeezing her hands gently.

"I've thought about what we talked about last night. And I know it's not fair to ask you to leave the city right now."

Elliot felt hope at her words, but they were quickly dashed by what followed.

"I don't know if I'm ready to give you my house and my job. It's a lot."

Elliot gripped her hands more tightly, preparing for whatever she was going to say next.

She kept talking. "I can't imagine us not being together now. So can we try to find a new place? A place that's not mine and not yours? Someplace a little bigger?"

He was almost scared to turn around; as if she might suddenly change her mind if he looked her in the eye. He knew it had been a hard decision.

'Liv." He whispered. "Thank you." Because he knew she was sacrificing a lot for him. For them. Then he couldn't hold back any more. He lifted her hands from his waist and spun around. He cupped her face with his hands and kissed her deeply. Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck as they kissed, and knew it was the right decision. She finally had the man she loved and it was crazy to think they could even be apart anymore.

EOEOEOEO

Kathleen was the first to arrive and Elliot was thankful she was there. Olivia had been nervous as hell and frankly, it was getting on _his_ nerves. This was not typical behavior for her and it unsettled him slightly to see her like this. She kept checking on lunch, and asking if they had enough to drink. She would fiddle with Elise's hair and clothes until the little girl started to complain and took refuge by Elliot.

Elliot threw open the door when he heard the knock, a scant two minutes after they had buzzed her up. Kathleen must have been excited as well. She gave her dad a quick kiss and rushed past him quickly, all smiles as she made a beeline for Olivia.

"Olivia!" she said exuberantly, wrapping her a big embrace. "It's so good to see you."

Olivia was surprised by the warm response and hugged the girl back. But Kathleen was out of her arms a second later as she ducked down to see the little girl standing solemnly next to Olivia's legs. "You must be Elise." She said, a big smile on her face. "I'm your sister Kathleen!" She hesitated only a second, looking at the little girl. "Do you have a hug for me?" Kathleen asked. It only took a second for Elise to throw herself at Kathleen, knocking her off-balance. Kathleen returned the hug, laughing as she and Elise fell to the ground.

Elliot could see Olivia visibly relax as both girls scrambled to their feet. Kathleen scooped Elise into her arms so they were face to face. "We're going to become good friends." She told the little girl. Elise put one hand on either side of Kathleen's face.

"My mom says you're my sister, so we can't be friends." Elise solemnly corrected her.

"We can be both." Kathleen said, laughing.

"Do you want to play with me?" Elise said, wiggling out of Kathleen's arms.

"Kathleen. You don't have to…" Olivia started to say as she saw Elise take Kathleen's hand and start dragging her down the short hallway.

She looked back at Olivia. "It's fine. I'm used to having a little brother and sister."

Once they were out of sight, Elliot gave Olivia a smile. "See? I told you it was going to be OK."

"That's only 1 of 4. And Kathleen is the easy-going one." She wasn't quite willing to call a victory yet.

Elliot reached over and tucked her stray hair behind her ear. "It's going to be fine. You'll see." Secretly, he hoped so. He wasn't really worried, but he didn't know for sure how the others would react. The kids always politely asked about Olivia and Elise when he saw them, but they hadn't really asked about meeting them. That had been his idea. He may have fibbed to Olivia when he told her they were anxious to meet her. The kids had not been the one to instigate this get-together like he'd said. The only one of the kids that had even mentioned it was Kathleen. That's why he was glad she was the first one there.

The buzzer went off again, and Elliot let Dick and Liz in. When they got to the door, Liz gave her dad a hug and a kiss and Dick said hi. When they saw Olivia, they said hi, but Olivia could tell they felt a little awkward. They hadn't seen her since they were much younger.

Elise was still back in her room with Kathleen, and Olivia was kind of relieved for the moment. She wanted Dick and Liz to relax before they met her. She asked if they wanted anything to drink and then excused herself to check on lunch and get some bottles of water.

When she came out of the kitchen, she saw Elliot opening the door and Maureen was there. She was surprised to see her because she knew even Elliot didn't get to see her all that often. Maureen gave her dad a quick hug and gave Olivia a shy hello.

Olivia felt like this wasn't going well at all; she didn't want the kids to feel like they didn't belong in their dad's home.

"Why don't you guys sit down and I'm going to get lunch moving." She wanted to give Elliot some time with his kids.

"Don't go." Elliot said, ushering the kids into the living room. "Lunch can wait a little bit."

Olivia wished he would make eye contact with her so she could let him know that she was trying to give them some space. Before she could get his attention, Dick piped up.

"So where's this kid we came over to meet?" he said, dropping down on the couch.

"She's in the bedroom with Kathleen." Elliot said.

Dick rolled his eyes. "I should have known she'd be the first one here."

"Yeah well if you would have gotten your butt out of bed the first time Mom yelled at you we would have gotten here earlier." Liz shot back.

"Are you kidding me? I couldn't get you off the phone with Charlie." Dick teased, making smooching noises to annoy his sister.

Elliot looked over at Olivia as the kids taunted each other back and forth while Maureen rolled her eyes and told them both to shut up. He saw how tense Olivia was, unused to this sibling banter, and he caught her eye. He gave her a big smile and she relaxed, realizing this was probably a normal day in the Stabler household. Maureen stood up and walked over to Olivia.

"See what I had to put up with? This is why I never moved home after college." She started down the hallway, yelling Kathleen's name.

Dick and Liz stopped arguing once they heard Kathleen yell from down the hall. "We'll be out in a second!" Maureen came back down the hall and sat down in a chair rolling her eyes again as Dick poked Liz with his toes, each of them on opposite ends of the couch. Liz swatted at his foot and the bickering started again.

Kathleen came running down the hall with Elise on her back and burst into the living room, Elise letting out a high pitched scream as she dumped her on the couch between Dick and Liz. "Here's your sister!" she said, standing with her hands on her hips as Elise righted herself.

Olivia let out a gasp at the sudden entrance and the way Kathleen had dumped her daughter upside down. Elliot was next to her and saw her reaction, but he put a hand on her shoulder to stop her from rescuing her or from saying anything.

Olivia saw the startled look on Elise's face as she looked around at the four faces that were staring down at her. She knew Elise thought that some of her new siblings would be kids like her, even though she had told her they were grown-ups.

"Hey squirt." Dick said, being the first to address the girl sitting between them. He reached over and hiked her up under her arms, so she was standing between he and Liz on the couch. "Let's take a look at you." He looked at Elise and then over at Olivia. "You look just like your mom." He said. "No doubt about that." He leaned in a little. "I'm Dick." He lifted Elise slightly and turned her to face Liz and Maureen. He dropped his hands and pointed at his twin. "That's Liz." He said, and then pointed to his oldest sister. "That's Mo."

"Maureen." She corrected, hating that nickname.

They could all see the uncertainty in the girl's face, and Olivia thought that the normally social and outgoing child was too quiet. What was running through her mind right now? Elliot still had his hand on her shoulder and she wanted to rush in and pick Elise up and tell her it was OK. That they would sort it out and that she didn't have to remember everyone's name right now, but before she could move, Kathleen swept the girl back into her arms.

"OK. I know it's a lot to remember, but you just stick with me and I'll tell you what you have to watch out for." She shot a pointed look at Dick.

"What are you looking at me for?" he said, immediately defensive. "I haven't done anything!"

All three older girls started talking at once, rattling off grievances against their brother.

Olivia heard Elliot's voice in her ear. "Let's go finish up lunch and let them get to know each other." Olivia hesitated a second, not wanting to leave Elise in the middle of all of this chaos, but she saw Kathleen sit down on the coffee table with Elise in her lap, and then she heard a laugh as Liz tackled Dick. She let Elliot take her hand and lead her into the kitchen.

Once they were in the kitchen, Elliot pulled Olivia into his arms. "See? They're going to be fine."

"I've just never seen them all so…"

"Loud?" Elliot asked. "Yeah, it was always controlled madness at the house, and it's really just the three of them. Maureen is usually pretty quiet." He smiled down at her. "Isn't it great?" He kissed the tip of her nose. "Why do you think I suggested we have another one?"

"You want another child to add to that craziness?" she asked, an incredulous look on her face.

"Well, we won't always have the other kids here. It's just Elise." He kissed her gently on the mouth. "And yes, I want to have another baby with you. Or two. Or as many as you want."

"I don't think I could handle a houseful of kids." She admitted. "Besides, I think that ship has sailed." There was a little bit of wistfulness in her voice. She had loved being pregnant with Elise. She had been sad that there was no one there to share it with her, even though it was her own doing. And more then a little sad that it was probably her one and only baby.

Elliot picked up on the tone in her voice. "Maybe not." He said, kissing her again, running one hand up through her hair until it was cradling the back of her head.

"Ah jeez." Olivia jumped back from Elliot at the sound of Dick's voice. He thumbed in the direction of the living room. "Isn't that how we got that one?" he teased, opening up the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of water. He cracked it open and started walking out of the kitchen. He paused and looked back at them. "If there are going to be more little Stablers, could we please try for a boy? I'm seriously outnumbered."


	21. Chapter 21

Elise had been sleeping for hours and Elliot and Olivia were curled up in bed, talking about the afternoon with the kids, and avoiding the subject of her departure tomorrow.

The rest of the day had gone well; lots of lively conversation over home-made pizza followed by a rousing game of Go Fish. Olivia really appreciated that the kids indulged Elise by playing the game, and was surprised that they had stayed most of the afternoon.

After they had left, the apartment seemed really quiet. They'd ordered in for dinner and watched a movie with Elise before she nodded off. Not long after that, Elliot had Olivia laid bare beneath him, tracing his hands over her curves and making love to her slowly…tenderly. He was already anticipating the void he'd be left with when she was gone and he was trying to memorize the taste of every inch of her skin, the sound of every murmur and moan escaping her mouth and the feeling as her body clenched around his and her fingernails dug into his shoulders.

Olivia started to disentangle herself from Elliot but he pulled her back. "Where are you going?" he asked, placing a kiss on her shoulder.

"Bathroom."

He released her, giving her a light slap on the ass as she climbed out of bed. "You're going to pay for that." She teased as she made her way into the bathroom, putting a little extra sway in her hips.

Elliot heard the toilet flush and she emerged a minute later, wearing one of his t-shirts. She headed towards the bedroom door and was out of the room before he could even ask where she was going. He really didn't need to; he was certain she was going to check on Elise. He took the opportunity to get up and use the bathroom himself. He washed his hands and dried them off. As he finished up, he caught something out of the corner of his eye, and he reached down, extracting it from the small garbage can next to the sink. He stood looking at the square packet in his hand. Olivia's birth control pills. He couldn't stop the goofy grin that spread across his face.

He looked up when he heard her come back in the room. A few seconds later, she was standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorjamb. She raised any eyebrow at him, seeing the big smile on his face.

"That still OK?" she asked, wanting to make sure he was still on board. Even though they'd just had the conversation, she had to be certain.

It only took two strides until he was next to her. He leaned against the doorframe and leaned in, kissing her deeply. "It's more than OK." He said, releasing her mouth. His hands dropped to the outside of her thighs, and he flattened his palms against her skin and dragged them upwards, happy to find she was bare beneath the t-shirt. He rested his hands on her waist and kissed her again, slipping his tongue between her lips. He started walking her backwards towards the bed. When the back of her legs hit the mattress, she fell backwards with a small laugh, and looked up at Elliot as he started down at her.

"We don't have to start now." She said as she pulled herself back on the bed.

"Why wait?"

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot woke up to an empty bed, and saw Olivia packing up her things. "What are you doing?" he asked, looking at the clock. "It's only 8AM."

"I know." She said, not looking at Elliot. "I decided we're going to leave relatively early. I haven't been home in a week. I have laundry and get groceries for the week. Pay some bills. Just get settled before I have to go back to work tomorrow." She didn't look at Elliot while she spoke. She knew he would object and she didn't' want him to talk her out of it. She had decided last night that she wouldn't be able to bear sitting around until late afternoon, counting the hours until she had to leave. Better to leave after breakfast; rip off the Band-Aid.

"I didn't expect you to leave so early." Elliot said. "I want to spend the afternoon with you and Elise."

"I know, but it's just going to get harder to leave as the day goes on." She looked up at him and could see the argument on his lips, but he didn't say anything. She could tell he understood what she was saying.

"This sucks." He said, laying back down on the bed. He didn't want to watch her pack.

"What sucks?" he heard Elise's little voice and he sat back up to see her standing in the doorway.

"Elise!" Olivia said sharply. "That's a bad word. You shouldn't say that word."

"Daddy said it." Said Elise, moving into the room and scrambling onto the bed with Elliot.

Elliot shot a look at Olivia. "Well." He said, looking back at Elise. "I shouldn't have said it."

"How come if I say a bad word I get a punishment, but if grown-ups say a bad word, they just say they're sorry and nothing happens?"

"Doesn't seem fair does it?" Elliot said, breaking into a smile and pulling the little girl closer. He loved her inquisitive mind; the millions of questions she asked. It never failed to bring a smile to his face. He looked over at Olivia, who was still packing things into her small suitcase, and he knew he wasn't going to be able to deal with the distance between them for very long. He would give Olivia the time she had requested, he just hoped it wasn't very long.

EOEOEOEO

They had eaten a relatively quiet breakfast. It was as if Elise could sense the mood and decided to be on her best behavior, and keep the chatter down.

Olivia was trying to lift her spirits. She knew she should be thankful for the days they had together. He had already agreed to come up on Friday, and she was going to be busy at work all week. She felt Elliot's hand on hers, and realized she hadn't been paying attention again.

"What?" she asked, looking up at him.

"Elise asked if we could go to the park. I thought maybe we could. I'll clean up the dishes later."

She gave him a smile. "How about you take her and I'll clean up. You haven't had much time alone with her this week."

Elliot squeezed her hand. "OK, sounds good." He turned to Elise. "Go get your shoes."

Elise let out a little squeal and jumped off the chair. She was back from her room in less than a minute, with her shoes and jacket in hand.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot walked in the front door with Elise and saw their bags by the door. Olivia was curled up on the couch and she stood up when they walked in.

Elise ran over and proceeded to tell her everything they had done at the park and a new friend she had made.

"Her name was Lucy and she had yellow hair. Yellow is my new favorite color. We went on the swings and down the slide a hundred times. She says she comes to the park every day and if I come to the park then we can be friends and she has a baby brother and his name is Henry but he's just a baby so he can't play and so can we go back to the park tomorrow so I can play with Lucy?"

Olivia sat back down, laughing at the rapid download of information. She looked up at Elliot and he was laughing too.

She pulled Elise on her lap. "Honey, I'm glad you had fun at the park. And we can go there again and you can play with Lucy, but we won't be able to go tomorrow. We're going back to our house and you have school tomorrow.

Elise furrowed her little brows. "Why?"

"Why are we going to our house?" Olivia wasn't 100% sure what she was asking so she was just going to assume. "I have to go to work tomorrow and you have to go to school. But we will come back on a different day and you can go to the park." She saw Elise hesitate. "Don't you want to see your friends at school? And your teacher? I bet they miss you."

Elise looked up at Elliot and then back at Olivia. "OK." She hopped off Olivia's lap.

"Why don't you go make sure I packed up all of your stuff from your room?" she said and Elise took off down the hall.

Olivia walked over to where Elliot, who was still standing in the foyer near their bags. She wrapped her arms around her neck. "I'm going to miss you." She said, lifting herself up on her toes and placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

Elliot slid his arms around her waist and pulled her tight against him. He buried his face in her hair, wanting to ask her not to go. But he stayed silent, knowing this wasn't any easier for her than it was for him. "I'll miss you too. But I'm so glad you came." He thought about everything that had happened in less than a week. They had tentatively agreed to move in together, and they had agreed to start looking for places and compare notes next weekend. All of his kids had been together in one room, and they'd had a great time. And, they had agreed to try to expand their little family. He couldn't ask for more than that in just five short days.

"You'll be up on Friday?" she asked, even though he had told that he would several times.

"You know I'll be there if I can." They both knew that the job could still get in the way. He leaned down and gave her another kiss, deepening it until he heard Elise running back down the hall. As expected, she inserted herself in between their legs.

"Elise sandwich!" she exclaimed and Elliot hoisted her up so she was smashed between them.

He gave her a kiss on her forehead. "I love you." He said, before he put her back down on the ground. He looked up at Olivia. "I'm going to go put the bags in the car."

Olivia argued with Elise for a few minutes about going to the bathroom before they left, finally marching her in there to overcome her objections. When they got back, Elliot was waiting to walk them back down to the car. Elise took Elliot's hand and skipped down the hallway, insisting they take the elevator down so she could push the buttons. Elliot had moved Olivia's car so it was in front of the building, so they only had to walk a few feet.

Olivia opened the back door as Elliot squatted down in front of Elise. "OK sweetie. You be a good girl for Mommy and I'll see you in a couple of days." He said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. When he pulled back, he saw her little brows were furrowed again.

"You're not coming with us?" she asked.

Olivia muttered under her breath. "Shit." She had just assumed that Elise understood that Elliot wasn't coming with them. But with her confusion the previous day, asking here they live now, she knows she shouldn't have made such an assumption. And now she had to head this off quickly before Elise had one of her famous meltdowns.

Too late.

Elise stomped her foot and tears were streaming down her cheeks. "I don't want to go without Daddy!" she yelled loudly and Olivia was momentarily embarrassed that this tantrum was going to happen out here on the street.

Elliot scooper her up but Elise arched her back and Elliot almost dropped her. She let out a wail and Elliot looked over at Olivia. She closed the gap between them and took Elise from him. Elise was kicking her legs at Olivia and yelling.

"No. No. No." she continued to scream as Olivia tried to get her in the backseat of the car. Elliot looked around, wondering if anyone was going to ask him if everything was alright. It actually made him sad when no one stepped in and questioned them. No wonder so many kids were abducted so easily each year.

Olivia was in the backseat and trying to get Elise's little body into her booster seat, alternating her ministrations between soothing words to try to calm, and angry sighs as Elise continued to fight her.

"Elise!" Elliot yelled, and his loud voice echoed in the confined space.

Elise froze, unused to the sound of Elliot yelling.

"Listen to your mother!" he said in an equally stern voice.

Elise burst into tears but she let Olivia fold her into the booster seat and buckle the seatbelt. Olivia looked over at Elliot, not completely happy with the way he had yelled at her, but too grateful to make a big deal out of it. She climbed out of the backseat and wiped her hand through her hair. "Thanks."

"I really don't want the last thing she remembers from this week to be me yelling at her." He said. He moved past Olivia and climbed into the back seat. "El." He placed a hand on hers. "Can you stop crying for a minute so I can talk to you?"

Elise set her mouth in a pout and continued to cry.

"Elise." Elliot said, a little more firmly.

She turned her head away from him and Elliot shook his head. Damn stubborn Benson women. "OK then. I'll talk to you later. I love you." He placed a kiss on her head and backed out of the car.

"She's not giving in." he said to Olivia.

Olivia stood with her hands on her hips. "You think I don't know that? Once she gets started on a tantrum like this, she can't shut it down. I'm amazed she paused long enough when you yelled, and that I actually got her into the booster seat."

"How long is she going to cry and pout like that?" he asked, not envying her car trip with a crying child.

"A while. It's OK." She ran her hand through her hair again. "This isn't really how I envisioned saying goodbye." She said in an exasperated tone. She could hear Elise still sobbing in the back seat.

"Me either. Are you going to be OK?" he asked.

"I handled every kind of sick perv on the street. I think I can handle a four-year-old." She leaned in to the backseat. "Elise, we're going. Last chance to say goodbye."

Elise kicked the seat in front of her and let out another wail.

"OK, have it your way." Olivia closed the door. She gave Elliot a quick kiss. "I'll give you a call when I get home." She walked around the car and got in, starting up the car. She pulled away from the curb and waved at Elliot, realizing she never even heard him say goodbye.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot hadn't felt so alone in his own apartment since he moved in…except for when Olivia left five years ago. He couldn't shake the feeling, despite the fact that he knew she hadn't left for good. He did everything that needed to be done around the apartment, and it was still only 2PM. It sounded horrible, but he almost wished a case would come up and he would get called in. He surfed around the TV channels for a while, trying to find something...anything….to watch. He kept checking his phone, waiting to get confirmation from Olivia that she was home.

She should be back by now.

He tried not to panic, despite an uneasy feeling in his gut. He knew she wouldn't call him the minute she was in the door. She had to get Elise in the house. She was probably hungry so she'd have to make lunch. Unpack the car.

He'd give her another hour before he called her.

EOEOEOEO

The drive back home was unbearably long. Elise's wailing had worn down to a sob, until finally she had cried herself to sleep. Olivia breathed a sigh of relief; the sound of her crying had been getting on her nerves as she tried to navigate out of the city. Once she had finally away from the main brunt of the traffic and crossed into Connecticut, her trip was stalled again by a pile-up ahead. She let out a sound of frustration as she lay her head back on the headrest of the seat. She wasn't in the mood to sit in traffic for hours while this was cleaned up.

She reached for her cell in her back pocket; she would give Elliot a call and let him know that she was going to be delayed.

 _Damn._ It wasn't there.

What the hell? She distinctly remembered putting it there as they walked out of Elliot's apartment. She felt around on the seat around her, but the phone wasn't anywhere.

 _Great._ Just great.

She slapped her hands against the steering wheel in frustration as she inched the car forward.

EOEOEOEO

It took an hour before Olivia reached the scene of the accident and could get past it, increasing her speed as quickly as possible. She was grateful that Elise was still sleeping in the back seat. The last thing she wanted was to deal with a hungry, cranky child in the middle of a traffic jam. She looked at her watch and saw that she could be home in less than an hour if she stretched the maximum speed limit a bit.

Fifteen minutes had passed when she heard her phone ringing. It was coming from the back seat, and she realized she must have dropped it getting Elise into the car. There was no way she could reach it now, and she silently prayed that it wouldn't wake her daughter. After a couple of rings, it went to voicemail. She looked in her rearview mirror and saw Elise was still sleeping.

She knew it had to be Elliot that was calling. He was probably worried because he hadn't heard from her. She didn't want to pull over right now; she just wanted to get home. So she hoped he would be patient and not call her back until after she got home.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot still hadn't heard from Olivia. She should have been home at least an hour ago. He figured she just got busy and forgot, so he dialed her number. It rang four times before it went to voicemail.

"Olivia. I know you're probably home and just forgot to call. Please call me when you get this." He hung up and stuck his phone in his back pocket, trying to busy himself with some neglected paperwork to take his mind off of her and the feeling that something bad had happened on her way back. He knew he was being ridiculous. That he was overreacting. Fate wouldn't be so cruel.

He nearly jumped when the phone rang about twenty minutes later. He saw it was her as he put the phone to his ear.

"Olivia!" He nearly yelled into the phone. "Where have you been?" He didn't mean for it to sound so harsh, but the tension had been building all afternoon.

"I just got home a few minutes ago." She snapped back. She was in no mood for his attitude. "Elise cried and fussed all the way out of the city and just about the time she fell asleep I got caught in that traffic jam. Then we got home and she was hungry and I have no food in the house."

"Why didn't you answer your phone? I tried calling."

"Didn't you hear a word I just said?" Olivia said angrily.

'Of course I did! I just asked why you didn't answer your phone."

"I'm not in the mood for this Elliot. You act like I disappeared for days. I'm what? An hour or two late calling you back?"

"I was worried about you and Elise." He said, trying to defend his question and concern. "Is that so horrible?"

Olivia let out a frustrated huff. "No, it's not horrible. But I don't need to be tracked every minute of every day."

"Oh my God. You're overreacting!"

" _I'm_ overreacting? You're yelling at me for not calling you back right away and _I'm_ overreacting?" She shook her head, hardly able to believe they were having this ridiculous conversation. "You know what? I can't talk to you right now."

Elliot heard the line disconnect and he looked at the phone. He couldn't believe she had hung up on him. He was wound up from being worried about them and now from the argument and he stood up and starting pacing around the room. He wanted to call her back, but he knew from past experience that it would just continue as an argument. He ran his hand over his face, frustrated that such a few wonderful days had been marred by everything that happened today.

He threw his phone on the couch and grabbed his keys. He was going to go out, get a beer and a burger and try to cool off.


	22. Chapter 22

_Hi readers! Sorry, this is kind of a short chapter but I thought you'd prefer an update to waiting for me to add to it. I really appreciate your comments/reviews. It lets me know if I'm on the right track._

EOEOEOEO

Olivia managed to get Elise to play in her room while she got things unpacked and started some laundry. She found they really didn't have much food in the house at all, so she called her neighborhood sitter to come over and stay with Elise so she could make a quick run to the grocery store. When she got back, it was time to make dinner. By the time she gave her a bath, got her ready for bed and read her a story, she was utterly and completely exhausted. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

She ran a hot bath for herself, and while she was waiting for it to fill, she couldn't stop thinking back to earlier this afternoon and what happened when she'd finally gotten home.

 _Damn Elliot_. She didn't really need his attitude. When she had a chance and called him back, she'd been looking for a little sympathy. But apparently, that had been too much to ask.

 _She wasn't one of his damn kids._

She peeled off her clothes and stepped into the tub. She sunk down into the bubbles and the hot water immediately went to work on her tired muscles and her frayed nerves. She lay her head back and closed her eyes, trying to clear her mind.

She thought back to everything that had happened while she was in New York, and although she was going to be sad to leave her little house and her life here, she found herself smiling at the thought of moving into a new place with Elliot. She really hoped they could manage to keep the house. A new thought popped into her head. Maybe she could find someone to rent it out over the next couple of year. She was excited about this new idea because she didn't want to have it sit empty and it would help finance a place in NYC. She made a mental note to dig into that option tomorrow.

By the time she was done with her bath, she was feeling much more relaxed, and much happier about the decision she had made to move. She dried off and put on her pajamas, anxious to crawl into bed and give Elliot a call. When she was settled, she picked up her phone and hit his number on speed dial. She heard it connect and then ring, but he didn't pick up and it went to voicemail. She hung up and looked at the clock. It was only 9:30. She knew he was still up.

Did he get called away on a case?

She sent him a quick text message. " _Things have calmed down here. Just checking in. Call me back._ " She wanted to let him know that she was ready to talk; that she wasn't really angry anymore. She knew that even if he was on a case, he would at least text her back and let her know that he would call her later.

She set the phone down on the nightstand and got up to check on Elise. She checked the locks on the doors and then headed back to her bedroom. She checked her phone and saw he hadn't texted back yet, so she crawled under the covers and pulled out a book, intent on reading for a little while until she heard back from Elliot.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot walked down to a local bar just a few blocks away from his apartment. He had been here several times, especially when he had needed to drown his sorrows after Olivia left him all those years ago. At that time, the loss had been tremendous. It had just been so damn quiet in his apartment; he had been wrecked. He'd needed a refuge; a place where he could go so he wasn't alone in that damn space. Where he saw reminders of her at every turn…in every room.

He'd gotten to know the guys that regularly inhabited the barstools at the time, and they hadn't changed much over the years. When he walked in, the first person he saw was a guy named Terry O'Brien. O'Brien had been going through a bitter divorce at the same time Elliot was mourning the break-up with Olivia, and they'd been pretty good friends for the year or so after. At least as good a friends as drinking buddies could be.

"O'Brien!" Elliot said, slapping him on the back as he approached him at the bar. "I can't believe you're here!"

O'Brien turned from talking to the man on his left to see who was talking to him. He looked surprised to see Elliot standing there. "Elliot fucking Stabler." He stuck out his hand. "How the hell've ya' been?"

Elliot shook his hand. "Better than your sorry ass. You still taking up space here on a regular basis?"

"No man. This is your lucky night. I haven't been here in months." O'Brien kicked at the stool on his right. "Grab a seat." He waved at the bartender. "Get this man a Guinness. On me."

"Whoa, big spender. I don't know if I want to owe you." Said Elliot, clapping the man on the shoulder again.

The banter continued for a while and O'Brien introduced him to the man sitting next to him. "This is my brother-in-law, Mitch."

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "Brother-in-law?" He knew O'Brien had been through a rough divorce, so he was surprised he'd be hanging out with his wife's brother.

O'Brien saw the look on his face. "Nah. I know what you're thinking. But I hit the jackpot man. I've got a new wife. Jamie. Best thing that ever happened to me."

Elliot smiled when he saw the big grin on his friend's face. "That's great man! Congratulations!" He shook his hand again. "How long have you been married?"

"Almost two years. It's been great."

Elliot lifted his mug of beer. "A toast. To Terry and Jamie." The clinked glasses and took a long drink.

"So tell me what's been going on in your life Stabler." Said O'Brien. He looked over at Mitch. "This guy was in tough shape a few years back…same as me. We spent a lot of nights holding up this bar." He looked back at Elliot. "You look a helluva lot better than you did then." He looked back at Mitch. "Women tore his heart out…thought he was gonna bleed out on the floor."

Elliot nodded, thinking back to that time. "We definitely helped each other out." He said. "But I am better now. A lot better."

"Finally found _the one_?" O'Brien asked, laughing as he took a long drink.

"Yeah." Elliot said. "I did. Or rather, she found me."

O'Brien gave him a surprised look. "Sounds like you've got a story to tell." He said.

Elliot ordered three more beers. "Do I ever." He guzzled a sip from the new pint set in front of him. "So a few months back, I'm supposed to be on vacation but I end up having to go into the precinct…"

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia woke up and saw she had fallen asleep reading. Her bedside lamp was still on and her book was lying by her side. She nabbed her phone and saw it was almost midnight. She checked her messages, and was surprised to see she didn't have any return message or any missed calls from Elliot. She debated whether or not she should call him. He could be sleeping…he should be. But maybe he just hadn't wanted to call and wake her.

 _Screw it._

She hit speed dial again and the call connected immediately. She listened to it ring and ring on the other end until it went to voicemail.

 _What the hell?_ Was he still angry and just being childish by not answering her calls or texts? Or was he on a case? Maybe he was in some kind of trouble. Her mind ran through all sorts of scenarios…immediately thinking of dozens of horrible things that could be happening right now.

When his voicemail recording was done and she heard the beep, she decided to leave a message. "I'm not sure where you are, but it's midnight and I was just…" she didn't want to say she was worried about him. That sounded to eerily familiar from his call to her earlier. "checking in. I'll be up for a while so go ahead and call me back." She disconnected the line.

She doubted she could really stay awake, but she knew she'd hear the phone if he called. Too many years of being on the job and motherhood had made her a light sleeper. She set the phone down and snuggled back into her warm bed.

EOEOEOEOEO

Half an hour and two beers later, O'Brien slapped his hand down on the bar. "That's a hell of a story." He said. "You're a lucky son of a bitch to get a second chance like that."

Elliot had told them everything that had happened over the past several months, peppered with questions from Terry and Mitch. He'd, of course, kept the more intimate details to himself, despite their pressing him for information.

"I've got to meet this woman." Said Terry. "If she's as beautiful as you say she is, I just might throw Jamie to the side." He teased, giving Mitch a wink.

"No one's getting near her. She's mine." Elliot said, finishing off his fourth beer. He had always been able to hold his liquor, as any good Irishman can, but he had to admit he was getting buzzed. Maybe because he hadn't had anything to eat and the drain of the day.

"She got your name tattooed on her ass?" O'Brien joked and then laughed at his own words. "Or better yet…"

"Don't say it." Elliot warned in a mocking tone. "Or I'm going to have to take you outside." He joked, realizing how much he really liked this guy. "You know, when Liv gets back to the city, the four of us should go out to dinner sometime. I'd like to meet your new wife."

"Maybe we could do that wife swap thing." O'Brien winked at him and laughed again.

Elliot laughed with him. He'd always liked his big, bold personality. "Yeah. Maybe." He heard O'Brien order another beer and he looked at his watch. "Oh shit. It's almost 1. I have to work tomorrow."

"Don't be such a fucking lightweight." O'Brien said. "I just bought you another beer."

Elliot eyed him and was about to decline, but then figured why not? He was having a good time. He picked up his pint and took a long draw.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia heard the phone ring but it sounded like something far away…at the edge of a dream. It took until the fourth ring before she was awake enough to realize her phone really _was_ ringing. She grabbed it off the nightstand, almost dropping it. She managed to connect the call right before it went to voicemail.

"Hello?" she said groggily. If she had spent half a second thinking about it, she would have known it was Elliot. But she was still half asleep. More than half asleep.

"Hey baby. Did I wake you?"

Olivia was awake now as she heard Elliot's slurred speech on the other end. _Baby?_ "Have you been drinking?" she asked. She knew it was a dumb question the moment it was out of her mouth. It was pointedly obvious that he had been.

"No." he said.

Was he really trying to deny it? "I've been calling you and texting you, wondering where the hell you are…and you've been at a bar?" She wondered where the hell he had gone. And with who. She didn't know many of Elliot's male friends. He mentioned a few from his days in the Marines, but most of the people she knew about had been friends of he and Kathy's. People from their neighborhood or their church. She didn't think he had a lot of close, male friends. Or female friends for that matter.

At least not that she knew about.

"I just want to get a bite for dinner." He said slowly. "The apartment was so empty and I was so frushtrated because we were fightin' and I just had to get out of there." His words were still slurred.

"We weren't fighting." She said. "I was just having a tough afternoon and I really just needed a little sympathy, so when you went off on me about not answering the phone, it pissed me off."

"I know. I know." He said.

"Where did you go?" she asked.

"Just this bar down the street I used to go to a lot."

"Oh really? You used to go there a lot? When was this? When you were single?" she prompted, trying to get him to provide more information.

"Yeah." Elliot said, his voice sounding sad. "When you left me before. I spent a lot of time there."

Olivia didn't know what to say to that. She hadn't meant to bring up a sore subject. Before she could say anything else, Elliot spoke up again.

"When I went there…you know…before, I met a great guy. His name is Terry O'Brien and his wife had left him so we hung out there a lot." He sighed heavily. "He was there tonight. What're the chances? He's remarried and he wants to sleep with you."

"What?" Olivia said sharply. She couldn't have heard him right because that comment didn't make any sense.

Elliot laughed. "I told him that you had come back to me and he told me I was a lucky SOB. And I showed him a photo of you and he said he wants to meet you and sleep with you." Elliot's words were still sloppy and he sounded like he was half asleep. "Wife swap."

"Maybe we should talk tomorrow El. You're not making any sense." Olivia said. She wished he could see her rolling her eyes.

"I told him that you were mine. That there was no way in hell any other man was ever going to get close to you again." He said. His voice dropped to almost a whisper. "Mine."

Olivia laughed lightly, realizing Elliot was a little more drunk than she originally thought. She didn't know if she had ever seen or heard him like this. He usually held his liquor pretty well. "Are you in bed?" She hoped he was because she didn't think he was very far from falling asleep.

"I am." He said, almost proudly. "And it's damn lonely without you here Liv."

"I know. I feel the same way." She admitted.

"Are you in bed?" he asked.

"El. It's almost 2. Of course I'm in bed. I wasn't out partying all night." She teased.

"What are you wearing?" he asked, his voice deep.

"Elliot." Olivia said with a slight warning in her tone. She could already tell where his mind was going.

"Just tell me."

"A tank top and my underwear." She thought about telling him she had sweats on, but didn't see any point in lying.

"Damn." He said. "If I was lying there with you, you'd be naked."

Olivia laughed. "Like that's some surprise?" The man had the sex drive of a 16-year-old. "You know when we live together permanently, I have to get some sleep, right?"

"Not gonna happen." He slurred. "I want you _all_ the time. You're too damn sexy."

"Alright El." She said, laughing again. "I think it's time we both went to sleep."

"If I were there with you now, I'd be sliding those panties down your legs..."

His voice was deep and throaty, and just the tone and his words sent a rush of heat to her belly. _Damn him_. "El, don't start something you can't finish." She warned, knowing he could get her all worked up over the phone and then she'd never get any sleep.

"I'd slide my hands back up your thighs and spread your legs. You'd be so wet…you're always ready for me." He groaned. "I loooovvvve that." He dragged out the word love.

"El…" She whispered, her breath slightly ragged. "Stop."

"I don't want to stop." He said huskily. "I'm going to slide my fingers…"

"Damn it. You do this to me all the time. You call me and tell me all the things you want to do to me and then I'm left here all frustrated as hell while you go relieve yourself."

"You can relieve yourself Liv. Don't tell me you never…."

"I'm not having this conversation with you."

"Slide your hand inside your panties."

"Elliot." She said, almost pleading for him to stop.

"Do it for me. While I'm on the phone. I want to hear you moan."

"I'm hanging up Elliot." She wasn't a prude, and she had certainly self-served in the past, but it was late and she wasn't big on phone sex. Sure, Elliot spent time telling her what he wanted to be doing to her when they weren't together, but he was sober and it was just a passing remark. But drunk Elliot wanted to try to get her off over the phone. No. That wasn't going to happen. She would wait for the real thing. "It's late El. Go to sleep."

"Liv." He rasped.

"Good night El. Call me tomorrow and I'll replay this whole conversation for you."

"You're really going to hang up on me?" he said, sounding as if he really couldn't believe it.

"Yes. We both need to sleep."

"I love you. Even if you ruined all the fun."

"Night." She disconnected the call, shaking her head. She would have to find out more information about Terry O'Brien and how they got to be friends…and just how much he'd had to drink tonight. She wondered if he would even remember any of the conversation. She snuggled back under the covers, just happy that she had heard from him and that he was home safe and sound.


	23. Chapter 23

Elliot was anxiously waiting for Olivia to arrive. Their plans for him to go to her house changed when they had decided to accelerate their plans to look for an apartment in the city. Luckily it had been relatively quiet in the squad room for a Friday and he'd been able to leave at a reasonable time. He knew Olivia had packed up the car the night before and was planning on picking up Elise right after work and heading to the city. So she should be here within a half an hour, depending on traffic.

He looked at his watch again. 7PM. He swore that each minute was an hour.

It had been a tremendously long week. He had been so busy that he'd barely had a chance to talk to Olivia and Elise for more than a few minutes at a time. He missed them.

He went into the kitchen and checked on dinner in the oven, and saw it was almost done. He turned the temperature down so it was just keeping dinner warm, since it appeared they were going to be late. As he was finishing up, he heard a knock at the door. He hurried over, thinking her hands must be full if she wasn't using her key. When he pulled the door open, he was surprised to see Kathleen on the other side, leaning against the doorframe.

"Kathleen." He said, surprise in his voice.

She smirked at him. "I'm guessing I'm not the person you expected to see." She teased as she walked past him into the apartment.

"No. But I'm glad to see you." He said. "I'm always glad to see you." He closed the door and followed her into the living room, watching as she plopped down on the couch. He stood and looked at her, wondering why she was here. She didn't seem to be offering up any information.

He was about to ask when he heard keys in the door. He rushed over and opened the door before she could get it unlocked.

"Daddy!" Elise rushed into the foyer and wrapped her arms around his legs. Elliot leaned down and scooped her up, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her cheek. "I missed you." He held her close and looked over her shoulder at Olivia. "I missed you too." He said with a smile. He leaned over and gave her a quick kiss. "A lot."

Olivia smiled back, raising an eyebrow. "I missed you too." Her smile turned into a little smirk as she set her bag down.

"Kathleen!" Elise yelled when Elliot turned and she could see her sitting on the couch. She wiggled to get out of his arms and Elliot let her down. She ran over and tackled Elise on the couch.

"Ready to go?" Kathleen asked as she hugged her little sister.

Elliot got a puzzled look on his face. "Go?"

Kathleen got up off the couch and took Elise's hand as they walked over to where Olivia and Elliot were standing. She gave her dad a knowing smile. "I'm going to give you two a little time alone." She said. "Elise and I are going to hang out and we'll see you in the morning."

Elliot looked over at Olivia and then back at Kathleen. "The morning?"

Kathleen rolled her eyes. "Catch up Dad. Elise is going to stay with me and you and Olivia can have the evening to yourselves." She shook her head and looked over at Olivia. "Maybe Liv can explain it to you." She said, laughing. She picked up Elise's bag, easy to identify with the princess theme, and looked down at her sister. "Say goodbye to your mom and dad so we can go."

Elise headed towards the door, excited about going with Kathleen.

"Hey!" said Olivia, reaching over and tugging the little girl back towards her. "Give me a hug before you go." She gave Elise a quick hug but she wiggled out of her embrace and headed for the door, intent on getting out the door as Kathleen opened it.

"See you later!" said Kathleen as she was tugged through the door by Elise. "Have fun!"

The door closed behind there and Elliot and Olivia looked at each other, the sudden silence settling around them; a sharp contrast to the chaos just minutes before.

"What just happened?" asked Elliot.

"Do I really have to explain it to you?" Olivia said, dropping her voice and walking slowly towards Elliot. She ran her hand through her hair and gave him a sultry smile. When she reached him, she put her hand flat against his chest and bracing her arm, she started to press against him, forcing him to take a step back. He looked into her eyes, seeing the determination there, along with something else. _Pure lust_. He let her push him, his eyes never leaving hers, until his back hit the wall.

"I'm going to finish what you started." She said. She snaked her hands beneath his t-shirt and ran her hands across the hard muscles of his abdomen. She moved closer, standing up on her tiptoes to reach his lips. She pressed her mouth against his, taking his bottom lip between hers. She bit down lightly, and then released his mouth.

"You called my daughter to babysit so we could have sex?" he asked, a smirk breaking out on his face. He would have loved to hear _that_ conversation.

"I didn't phrase it like that." She murmured, pressing her lips against his neck, sucking and teasing the skin as she worked her way down to his collarbone. "I told her we needed to talk." She whispered, running her hands up his sides, taking the shirt with them. "Take it off."

Elliot looked at her and gave her another little smirk, but complied, tugging the shirt over his head and dropping it on the ground. Olivia's mouth was on his chest two seconds later. She placed kisses on his shoulder and worked her way across his chest until she reached the other shoulder, running her hands up and down his arms the entire time.

 _God,_ she wanted to feel those arms pinning her against the bed. She wanted his strength hoisting her up against the wall. Right now, she didn't really give a shit about where it happened…she just needed him to fuck her now.

And she meant fuck her.

She wasn't in the mood for slow, gentle love-making. She hadn't been able to take her mind off of him all week, ever since he'd started teasing her in those early hours Monday morning. The need…the want…had built up to an unbearable level.

All of these thoughts were running through her head as she trailed her tongue down his chest. She could feel the slickness between her legs…she hated to admit that she'd already worked herself up by the time she walked up to his front door.

She ran her hands down his sides and she slid her hands the waistband of his jeans. She pressed her hip against him, and could feel he was already getting hard.

Elliot grabbed her upper arms and tried to draw her back up for a kiss, but she pushed his hands off of her and took a few steps back. "I want you…" She said in a deep, husky voice and the tone caused a rush of heat in his body.

She grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it up and over her head. She unbuttoned and unzipped her jeans, pushing them down her hips and kicking them off. Elliot barely had time to take in the lacy black bra and panties before she was on him again. He groaned as she placed her hands and mouth on his chest. Her hands ran down to the waistband of his jeans, quickly unbuttoning and unzipping them, pushing them down over his hips. She smiled against his skin when she saw he was going commando.

He grabbed her ass and pulled her against his erection, letting out a small growl. She obviously thought she was driving this thing, but now that she'd make her intention clear, he was taking over. He slid his hands from her ass to the back of her upper thighs and she moaned again as he lifted her up, opening her up as he pressed her against his erection. He spun around, pushing her against the wall. He rocked into her, eliciting another moan. "You like that?" he grunted as he continued to move against her. Olivia bit into the skin of his shoulder and he slammed his hips against her, causing her to drop her head back against the wall.

Elliot kissed her roughly, devouring her mouth with his. She was digging her nails into the skin of his back, moaning into his mouth as she kissed him back hungrily. It was a fight for dominance, but Elliot had the upper hand, weakening her fight as he continued to rock into her.

She ripped her mouth from his, gasping for breath. He was driving her insane; her panties were so wet that he was practically penetrating her. Her body was already trembling as he continued to move against her, but that wasn't enough…she wanted him inside of her. "I need you…now." She rasped.

Elliot nipped at the skin of her neck, grabbing her bra strap with his teeth and trying to drag it down her shoulder. He cursed, realizing as long as he had to hold her up against the wall, he couldn't use his hands for anything else…primarily for ripping her goddamn panties off her body. "Bed." He rasped, pulling her away from the wall and moving towards the bedroom.

Olivia dug her nails into his back as she wrapped her long legs around his waist. He made it to the bedroom in record time and fell on the bed, landing on top of her and pushing the breath from her lungs. Elliot pulled back, lifting his weight from her body and kneeling between her legs. He snagged his fingers in her panties and started dragging them down her hips. He backed off the bed, and pulled them all the way down her legs. He climbed back on the bed, running his hands along her legs as he oved up her body.

"You ready for me?" he rasped as he placed his left hand under her right knee and pushed her legs apart. He could see her juices glistening and he let out another small growl at how wet she was. He slid his fingers through her folds as he pushed her right leg up to her chest. She gasped as he hit her clit. He slid his fingers down, teasing her entrance. His fingers were coated and he lined his cock up to her, penetrating slightly.

"Yes." She moaned, lifting her hips off the bed.

Elliot held her leg in place and slid inside her. The both gasped as her body fought his thick intrusion. He could feel her walls gripping him as her body adjusted. He dropped his head against her, wanting to move but not wanting to hurt her.

Olivia tried to lift her hips, wanting him to move, but he had her pinned down. She was frustrated and let out a groan. "Fuck El. Move." She arched her back.

Elliot pulled out almost completely and then pounded back into her, letting out a grunt as their bodies connected. He drove into her over and over…not holding anything back, all of his attention focused on the rhythm of his body as he pounded into her. He looked up at her, seeing that she was gripping the sheets as her body writhed beneath him. She had her eyes closed and he body was flushed; he could see a sheen of sweat as she let out a continuous string of moans. He pushed her leg to the side slightly, and rotated his hips, hitting her at a different angle.

"Gaahhh." She moaned, feeling her body start to tremble. "Harder." She groaned.

Elliot could feel her body starting to tremble and his own orgasm was looming. He was trying hard to hold off…he wanted her to come first.

"Fuck Liv." He yelled, slamming his body into her hard. He was rewarded as her body shattered around him and she let out a loud gasp as her orgasm tore through her. Her body trapped his and triggered his own orgasm and he spilled inside of her, nearly collapsing against her body. He was breathing so hard; his energy spent as her body continued to spasm around him. "Fuck." He muttered under his breath, releasing her leg and falling to brace himself on his elbows over her body. His head dropped between her breasts and he realized he hadn't even taken time to get her bra off.

When their bodies started to calm down, Elliot pulled out of her slowly and Olivia moaned slightly; their encounter had stretched the muscles in her leg and she tried to adjust her body beneath his to get some relief. Elliot fell to the side of her with a loud hrumph, and ran his hand down her thigh. "You OK?" He knew he hadn't been gentle…but he knew her…could read her moods…and the way she'd come after him had told him that she didn't want gentle.

He looked over at her and saw she had one arm thrown over her eyes, her breathing still heavy and her body flushed. He rolled over on his side, facing her, and placed a hand lightly on her stomach. She jumped at the contact, but she didn't lift her arm from her face.

"Liv?"

"Yeah." She whispered.

He was getting worried because she wasn't responding like she normally would. Tonight had been fast and a little rough, but nothing more than normal. He would die if he'd done something to hurt her.

He propped himself up, and lifted her arm from over her eyes. "Olivia." He said, his voice laced with concern. When she looked up at him, he could see tears on her lower lashes. "Oh God." He looked down her body and then back up at her, catching her eyes. "What did I do?"

Olivia felt bad immediately, suddenly understanding the level of concern in his voice. "No!" She said. "You didn't do anything wrong. You didn't hurt me."

Elliot visibly relaxed. He caressed her cheek with his hand. "Why are you crying?" He asked as he saw a tear slip down her cheek. He swiped it away, seriously concerned that something was really wrong.

"Nothing." She whispered, trying to give him a little smile. She reached up and ran her hand down his cheek. "I'm fine."

Elliot kept his eyes trained on her, letting her know that he wasn't buying it and he wasn't going to let it go.

She wrapped her hand around his neck and pulled his mouth to hers, kissing him gently. A strong juxtaposition from just 30 minutes ago. She released his mouth and gave him another small smile. "Sometimes…it scares me how much I love you." She said quietly.

Elliot knew it took a lot for her to tell him that. He also knew how she felt, because he felt the same way. "I know how you feel." He said. It was scary that one person had the ability to rip your heart out of your body; to leave you bleeding out on the street. He had been through that when she left him before...he would never survive something like that again.

He ran his hand down her shoulder and kissed her again. "I missed you so much this week." He said. He deepened the kiss, and Olivia ran her hand around the back of his head, pulling his body closer to hers. She slipped her tongue between his lips and tilted her body into his, wrapping one leg around his and pulling him tightly against her.

Elliot tangled his fingers in her hair, his tongue tangling with hers. He pushed his hips against her while one hand ran back up her arm and tugged her bra strap down her shoulder. He pulled his mouth from hers and dropped his mouth against her ear. "I adore you." He whispered. "And I always will."

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia woke up, feeling Elliot's body wrapped around hers. The room was dark, and she realized they must have been sleeping for a while; when she looked out the window, it was dark outside.

She couldn't move with the weight of Elliot's body trapping her in place. She really needed to use the bathroom. She pushed against him lightly. "El."

He didn't move, so she ran her hand down his arm. "Elliot." She said, a little more loudly. He started to stir, and she pushed her hips up against him, biting her lip at how sore her body was. Elliot had been much gentler with her the second time around, but the damage had been done. Not that she was complaining about the delicious ache between her legs…the sore muscles in her thighs. "El." She said, her voice sounding really loud in the quiet apartment.

"What?" he croaked.

"I need to get up."

Elliot groaned, disentangling himself from her. She sat up slowly and swung her legs off the bed, sitting there for a minute. Elliot reached out and trailed his fingers along her lower back. "OK?" he rasped.

She looked back at him and smiled. "Yeah." She got out of bed and went into the bathroom. Once she was done, she started the shower. She climbed in, and the hot water immediately started to work on her store muscles. She stood under the hot spray for a long time, then quickly soaped up and shampooed her hair.

When she got out of the shower, she dried off, wrapping one towel around her body, and another around her head. She walked out of the bathroom and saw Elliot was sound asleep, snoring lightly. She walked out by the front door, and picked up her bag. It was right where she left it when she walked in the door. She pulled out a pair of leggings and a tank top and quickly put them on. It was slightly cool in the apartment, so she pulled out a hoodie and put that on.

She grabbed a water out of the refrigerator and saw the oven was on. She could smell something cooking and she looked in the oven. Whatever it had been…it wasn't edible now. She turned the oven off and walked into the living room. She sat down on the couch and curled her legs up beneath her. She saw the listings for apartments in the city, and could see that there were several circled in blue pen. She started browsing through the listings, paying particular attention to the ones that Elliot had circled. She saw the price range of the items he had selected, and made a mental note to tell him about her idea of renting her house.

She picked up her phone and sent a quick text to Kathleen, checking in on Elise. She got a quick reply, assuring her that Elise was just fine and was sleeping soundly. She was so thankful that Kathleen had agreed to babysit. She had told her that she and Elliot were going to look at apartments, and then wanted to grab some dinner. Kathleen was the one that had volunteered to keep her overnight. Olivia had hesitated, feeling weird that Elliot's daughter was going to be the one that was going to give them some "alone" time. But when she thought about it…she needed that alone time badly. So she had graciously accepted.

She smiled when she thought about the thoughts running through her head as she'd made the drive from Connecticut to NYC. She swore she could feel Elliot's lips on hers…his hands between her legs. No wonder she had barely been able to keep her hands off him once Kathleen had left with Elise.

She heard Elliot come down the hallway and she turned to look at him. She saw he still looked sleepy. He had pulled on a pair of sweats that were hanging low on his hips, and he hadn't bothered with a shirt. Geez, that man was all kinds of sexy.

"What's that smile for?" he asked as he came up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Just happy to be here." She said. His ego didn't need another boost.

Elliot came around the couch and sat down next to her. He saw she was looking at the listings. "I looked through there and found a few we should look at."

"See anything you like?" she asked.

"Oh yeah." He said, dropping his voice. He reached out and pulled her over towards him, placing a kiss on her lips. "One in particular."


	24. Chapter 24

Olivia stirred when she heard Elliot groaning. She was only partially awake, and realized she heard a cell phone ringing. She immediately thought about Elise, and she sat up abruptly as Elliot answered the phone.

"Is it Kathleen? Is Elise OK?" Olivia asked urgently, grabbing him by the arm.

He shushed her and put a hand over his ear to drown out her questions. "Yeah." He answered. He looked over at Olivia who was staring at him with a concerned look on her face. He dropped his hand from his ear and put it over the mic on the phone. "It's not Kathleen." He whispered, and Olivia let out a sigh of relief.

Her relief was short-lived though when she realized that a call in the middle of the night like this could only mean one thing. A case. A victim.

Elliot would be leaving.

"Be there in 30." He said and then hung up the phone.

"You're leaving." She said, unable to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"Liv." Elliot said, letting out a sigh. "You know it's a part of the job." He wasn't happy about having to go out in the middle of the night; he didn't need to have her give him a hard time about it.

"I know." She said, grasping his arm and tugging slightly so he looked at her. "I know." She said more softly. "I just wish you didn't have to go." She placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

Elliot ran his fingers through her hair and pulled her closer. "I don't want to go." He pulled away and dropped his hand. "But I have to go. Fin's meeting me there in half an hour." He climbed out of bed and headed into the bathroom.

Olivia fell back against the pillows. She knew the weekend was pretty much over because she suspected Elliot would be tied up all day Saturday. He emerged from the bathroom and started to get dressed.

Olivia propped herself up on her elbows and looked over at him. "So what should I do about looking at apartments tomorrow?" she asked, trying not to sound upset about the change in plans.

Elliot tugged a t-shirt over his head and looked up at her as he leaned over to grab his shoes. "Why don't you still go? Take Kathleen with you or call Casey?"

"You don't want to see them?" she asked. She had been looking to doing it together.

Elliot knew it was another disappointment. He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. "It's not that I don't want to see them." He said. "I just don't want to slow down the process." He smirked and leaned and gave her a kiss. "So I thought maybe you could still go and see if there's any you like. And then make a short list and I'll go look at them." He kissed her again. "You know I'm mostly going to leave it up to you anyway."

Olivia couldn't help but smile. She knew that he would defer to her. He had told her so, since she was the one that was giving up her home to live with him. "OK." She said, despite her disappointment. "We'll make a girls' day of it."

He stood up as she lay back. But before he moved away from the bed, she snagged his hand with hers. "But if you get things wrapped up early, you'll be sure to call me, right?"

"Of course." He gave her one last kiss. "Now go back to sleep." He whispered. "No one should be awake at this hour." He pulled the covers up and made a big show of tucking her in. Olivia closed her eyes and smiled. Elliot kissed her on the forehead and turned to leave. He was almost to the door when he heard her say his name sounding somewhat startled.

He stopped and turned, concern on his face. "What's wrong?"

"I just…I forgot to tell you that I love you." She said. She had suddenly realized that she should never take this for granted; that you never knew when something was going to happen. She never thought about it when they were partners, but now she thought about it more than ever.

Elliot came back across the room and Olivia sat up. He sat down on the edge of the bed covered her hands with his. He didn't know where all of this sentimentality was coming from this weekend…

He furrowed his brow. "Is everything OK?" He ran his fingers across her forehead and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Of course." She said, feeling silly now for calling after him.

"Olivia." He said. "Nothing's going to happen to me." He knew her well enough to know that was probably what was on her mind. And he knew she'd never admit it.

"You think you're so smart. That wasn't what I was thinking at all." She said, not wanting him to know that she worried about him or that he had guessed correctly. She shrugged her shoulders. "I just felt like telling you that I loved you." She pulled her hands out from underneath his. "But if that's going to bother you, then I'll be sure not to let it happen again." She said, acting annoyed. She lay back down and rolled over on her side, so her back was to him.

He laughed. "Yes, you're annoying the hell out of me." He stood up and tugged her backwards, placing a quick kiss on her lips. "I love you and I'll be back as soon as I can."

She smiled at him and then rolled back over and snuggled into the covers.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia was up and showered, and was getting ready to go pick up Elise. She hadn't heard from them, but assumed she would just pick her up at the time they had agreed to. She had decided that she would ask Kathleen when she got there, depending on how frustrated or tired the older girl looked. She didn't want her to feel guilted into going with them. If necessary, she would just take Elise and the two of them would go.

When she arrived at Kathleen's apartment near campus, she found a spot to park and headed to the security door. She pushed the buzzer for Kathleen's apartment and heard the security door open almost right away. She opened the door and made her way to Kathleen's apartment. She didn't even have to knock before the door swung wide open, and Elise let out a squeal when she saw her mother. Olivia squatted down and gave her a hug, realizing how much she had missed her. She felt a little guilty now, knowing Elliot wasn't going to get to see her today as planned.

Olivia stood up and saw Kathleen had stepped up to give her a hug.

"Hi Liv!" she said, a big smile on her face.

Olivia heard another voice greet her and saw Liz peek out from behind Kathleen. "Oh! Hi Elizabeth. I didn't know you were here."

"Yeah, I came up last night and stayed with Kathleen and Elise." She looked at Kathleen and then back at Olivia. "I hope that's OK."

"Of course it's OK." Olivia said, giving the girl a big smile. "I'm sure Elise loved it." She looked down at her daughter. "Did you have a good time honey?"

Elise started in, reciting a litany of everything they had done, from eating pizza to watching movies, to coloring and sleeping on the floor. She dragged her into Kathleen's apartment and Olivia heard her shut the door behind them.

She sat down on the couch, listening to Elise as she looked up at Kathleen. Once Elise was done showing her all of her artwork, Olivia had a chance to get a word in.

"Thanks so much for taking her last night. You didn't really need to keep her overnight, but I appreciate it."

Kathleen plopped down on the other end of the couch while Elizabeth sat down in a big bean bag chair. "It was fun." She said. "We had a good time." She leaned over and tickled Elise slightly. "Didn't we?"

Elise let out a laugh and climbed into Olivia's lap, trying to get away from Kathleen's fingers. She nodded. Then she looked up at Olivia. "Where's Daddy? Katie said he was coming with you."

Olivia pressed her lips together and smiled. "I'm sorry hon. Daddy had to go to work for a little bit. He'll be home soon." She looked up at Kathleen to see her reaction, knowing she was probably told the same thing numerous times in her life. But neither she or Elizabeth seemed to react. She supposed they were used to it; probably didn't give it a second thought. "So, you and I are going to go look at some new places to live and then hopefully Daddy will catch up with us later."

Olivia looked over at Kathleen and Elizabeth, who were just watching the interaction between Olivia and Elise. "I'd love it if you girls would join us. I mean, if you want to. I know you had a long night." That hadn't come out the way she wanted it to. She really didn't want them to feel pressured. "It's no big deal if you don't want to come along."

Kathleen shrugged. "That could be fun." She said. She looked around her small apartment. "I hope you can find something better than this place."

"Yeah, I'll come along." Elizabeth said. "I don't have any plans this afternoon." She tried to get up out of the bean bag chair gracefully, but was unsuccessful. Elise tackled her as she landed on the ground, and tried tickling her. The tables were turned quickly, and pretty soon Elise was giggling uncontrollably as Elizabeth tickled her. She relented and looked back at Olivia and Kathleen. "It's nice not to be the youngest for once. Kathleen and Dickie used to tickle me until I wet my pants." She said, climbing up off the floor. She saw the look on Olivia's face. "Don't worry, I won't go that far."

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia had looked at three different apartments, with the three girls in tow. Each one had its plusses and minuses, but she hadn't fallen in love with any of them. The girls reserved judgment, commenting on things here and there, but obviously not wanting to sway her opinion. She was actually having a good time, and felt like she was really getting to know each of the girls a little better. They were great young women, and she was seeing each of their individual personalities and the differences between them. She finally called a timeout for lunch and all three girls happily agreed.

They ended up at a small diner and Olivia realized it felt really good to sit and take a break. The girls were all talking over each other and she smiled as she took it all in. It was no wonder Elliot missed this when he left his family home and moved in to an empty apartment. She thought about sitting around a table in their new apartment, maybe with some of Elliot's kids there, or maybe with Elise and a little brother or sister…

"Liv?" She turned and saw all three girls staring at her.

"Yeah? Sorry." She said, when she realized she had been daydreaming.

"We were just wondering what we're going to do after this. Do you have more apartments to look at?" asked Kathleen. She looked at her watch. "I have plans to meet up with some friends to study and then we're going out." She said. "So I have to get going pretty soon."

Olivia saw it was a little after 2. She would like to have squeezed one more viewing in, but she didn't know if Elise was up to it. "I have a few more but we can call it a day. I know you guys are probably tired out." She looked at Kathleen.

Liz chimed in. "I think me and the squirt here can make it to one more."

Kathleen spoke up. "And I'll just take the subway back to school."

Olivia started to object but Elise piped up. "I'll go look at some more houses if I get some ice cream." She said, looking expectantly at Olivia.

"Good call." Said Liz, giving her little sister a high five. "Learning the art of bribery." She said, smirking at Olivia.

"OK. I give up." She said laughing. Kathleen said goodbye and took off, while the waitress brought ice cream for Elise and Liz. Olivia knew it was a lot of sugar, but thought it might keep the girls going through one more showing. They could crash when they got home. That made her realize she didn't know what Elizabeth's plans were. She realized that she knew Kathleen and even Dick a little better than she knew Maureen and Liz. This was a perfect opportunity to get to know her a little better.

"Hey, Elizabeth." She started. "I'm not sure what you have planned for tonight, but if you're free, maybe you could come back to your Dad's apartment and spend the evening with us. Sleep overnight if you want. Then I can take you back home tomorrow."

Elizabeth considered her invitation, starting to feel more comfortable with Olivia. It had been nice to have Kathleen there as a buffer today, but now she was over her awkwardness. "Sure. That would be fun." She said. "And I'd like to see Dad."

"Good. OK. It's a plan." She paid the bill as the girls finished their dessert and then they headed out to look at one more place before they headed back to Elliot's. As they were walking out the door, her phone buzzed, letting her know she had a text message. She glanced it at, and saw it was Elliot, as expected.

" _Just checking in. Hope my girls are having fun. Hope to be home sometime tonight_."

She hit REPLY and let him know that they were having a good time and that she was anxious to see him. She smiled as she and the girls headed out.

EOEOEOEO

Elise had finally crashed and Olivia tucked her in and walked back out into the living room. She sat down on the other end of the couch from Elizabeth, and curled her legs underneath her. She saw the Elizabeth was on her phone; she assumed she was texting her boyfriend. Frankly, she was a little surprised that Liz had agreed to come back with them. At her age, she wanted to spend all of her time with her friends…and her boyfriend. Olivia picked up the rental ads and started pouring over them, not wanting Liz to think she was watching her.

After a minute or so, Elizabeth let out a sound of frustration and tossed her phone down on the coffee table. She looked over at Olivia, and saw she was looking at the ads in the paper. She didn't know her very well; she just remembered her always being a part of their life from the time they were very young. She thought about the times they visited their dad at the precinct; Olivia was always nice to them. She came to a few family functions over the years, and Liz never questioned her presence at anything. Then came the drama when her mom and dad separated; the horrible things her mother said about Olivia. She had still been pretty young and she didn't really understand what was going on completely. The only thing she knew was that things were more peaceful at home and that she loved the time she spent with her Dad and Olivia. But pretty soon it had become too hard. Her mother kept them home more and more often until one day, her mom told her that Olivia was gone and her dad moved home. That hadn't been so great, and part of her wasn't surprised when her dad moved out again. She was actually happy that her dad and reconnected with Olivia; he was so happy. And Olivia felt like someone she could trust and get close to.

She realized Olivia was looking at her.

"Is everything OK?" Olivia asked. Liz seemed really quiet, and she had her brows furrowed together…just like her father. Of all of the Stabler children, she was the quietest and the one she knew the least. So she was actually really happy that she had decided to stay.

Elizabeth looked at her for a second, gauging whether or not she wanted to talk to her. She had asked Kathleen if she thought she could confide in Olivia and Kathleen had given her a resounding yes, followed by ten torturous minutes of asking what the problem was. She didn't want to tell Kathleen; she was worried her sister would think she was being stupid.

Liz looked back at Olivia and saw she had set the newspaper down and was focused on her.

"You know that you can talk to me Liz. Or ask me anything." She really wanted to kids could seek out her advice and be open with her. "I'll always give you an honest answer." She was sure the kids had questions about her and Elliot.

"What about my dad?" she asked, keeping eye contact with Olivia.

"What about him?" Olivia asked. She was a little puzzled by the question.

"You won't tell him what we talked about?" Liz asked.

Suddenly, Olivia was worried about what was on her mind. But she knew every young girl needed someone they could talk to. "I promise I won't tell your father unless it's something that is critical to your health or safety."

Elizabeth looked away and started at phone, which was buzzing on the coffee table. She was thinking about what Olivia said, trying to decide if she felt like she could confide in her.

Olivia wasn't certain what was troubling the young girl, but she had a hunch it had something to do with her boyfriend. She had been vague when Olivia and Kathleen had asked about him today.

"Does this have something to do with Charlie?"

Elizabeth snapped her head up and looked at Olivia. "Why do you think that?"

Olivia shrugged her shoulders. "Just a guess."

Elizabeth pressed her lips together and Olivia could tell she was struggling with something…and with how to talk about it.

"Just ask what you want to ask." Olivia prompted. "I promise it'll be OK."

She looked back at Olivia. "How old were you when you…" She looked back at the coffee table. "You know." She said in a small voice.

It took Olivia a second to realize what Liz was referring to. "Oh. Are you thinking of having sex with Charlie?" She paused but got no answer. "Or maybe you've already had sex?"

Elizabeth looked uncomfortable and gave a non-committal shrug.

Olivia ducked her head slightly, trying to regain eye contact. A trick that had worked for her in many interrogations. She had to keep reminding herself that this wasn't a suspect or a victim; this was Elliot's flesh and blood. "Did he force you to do something you didn't want to do?" she asked, her concern increasing with each second she didn't get a response.

"No." she said quietly. "He just thinks we should and I don't know." She looked away again and Olivia could tell how hard this was for her. She decided more questions wasn't going to get her anywhere, and she had a pretty good idea of what she was trying to ask her.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, but I'm going to tell you what I think." She started. "You asked me how old I was and I didn't answer you. That's not because I don't want to tell you. It's because it doesn't really matter." _Except for legal issues but she wasn't going to dive into that because it wasn't pertinent here_. "There is no right or wrong age. When I had sex, it was for all the wrong reasons. It should be because you want to…because you both feel like it's the next step for you. It should be because you have a stable, emotional relationship with someone."

She moved a little closer to Elizabeth. "I don't know if 16 is too young, because it depends on the experiences of each person, and I don't know you that well. Some people find that person they have a connection with, and they both want the same thing and they both feel ready for it and it works out fine."

"So if you feel like you're ready to take that next step with Charlie, then it's up to you. Just…if you do decide you're going to sleep with him, be smart about it. Use a condom. Get on birth control."

Elizabeth didn't look up or say anything else so Olivia kept going because she felt like she understood the crux of the problem. She had seen it so many times. "But honey, it _shouldn't_ be because someone is pressuring you or making you feel like you're being a prude or a baby. If someone is telling you that, then they're not the right person."

Elizabeth looked up at her and Olivia could see tears on her lower lashes. "He told me that he slept with his last girlfriend in less than a month and that I was being stupid and that everyone was doing it."

Olivia shook her head and pulled Elizabeth into a hug. She stroked her hair as the girl cried on her shoulder.

"I like him so much." She said. "I don't want to lose him."

Olivia sighed, remembering how tough it was to be a teenager. She was glad she could be there for her. Her own mother hadn't been much help, telling Olivia that being beautiful was a curse, men were pigs and to keep her legs shut. That had been the extent of her counseling, and it had backfired on her in so many ways.

"Liz, I know it's hard, but if he's treating you like that, then he's not the guy for you. One day you'll meet a guy that will love and respect you, and he won't push you into doing things you're not ready for. You will be so amazed at how differently you feel and you'll be glad you waited." She rubbed small circles on her back. "And believe me, not everyone is doing it."

Elizabeth pulled back and looked up at Olivia. "Everyone tells me that losing your virginity isn't such a big deal…but I feel like it is."

Olivia wasn't sure how to respond to that. She knew that part of this was Elizabeth's Catholic upbringing and she was definitely out of her element with that. "Different people feel differently about it. It all comes back to you and what you want to do…or what you want it to be. Is it going to be as romantic as it is in the movies? Probably not. But it should be on your own terms, whatever those are."

Elizabeth wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to start blubbering like a baby." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "I just can't talk to my mom…"

Olivia cupped her chin with her hand and drew Liz's face up so they were eye to eye. "I know that it's hard to talk to your parents about this kind of stuff. I wish I would have had someone to talk to when I was your age. You can talk to me about anything Liz. Any of your sisters or your brother can." She smiled. "And I hope that you do the same for Elise when she gets older. OK?"

Liz nodded. "OK."

"Let me know if you want to talk some more after you've had some time to think about it." Olivia said, smiling at her.

Liz was about to respond when they heard keys in the door. The door swung open and Elliot came walking in shutting the door quietly behind him. Olivia could see how exhausted he looked, but she also noted the surprise on his face.

"Elizabeth?"

Liz got up from the couch and ran over to him, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his chest. Elliot hugged her close and looked at Olivia with a questioning look on his face.

"What a nice surprise!" he said, while he looked back at Olivia.

"Everything's fine." She mouthed, giving him a little smile. She stood up while Elliot and Elizabeth walked back into the living room. "Why don't you two catch up while I get your dad some dinner."

Elizabeth sat down next to Elliot on the couch.

Elliot pulled his youngest daughter close to him, realizing something was troubling her but knowing better than to bring it up. "So tell me what you guys did today. Did you find a place for us to live?"

Olivia smiled, marveling at what a great father he was. She thanked the powers that be that she'd come to her senses and brought Elliot back into Elise's life. And hers. She knew it wouldn't be the last time she said that silent prayer of thanks.


	25. Chapter 25

_Hi readers! I'm so sorry for the continued delays. Life has been getting in the way. This story is close to coming to an end, sorry to say, but we have a little more drama along the way. Please bear with me ad I will try to get another update out sooner. Thanks!_

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia sighed as she drove into the city on Friday afternoon. It had been the same routine for the past month, and Olivia had watched as Spring turned into early Summer. She felt like she had looked at every available apartment in the city and hadn't found more than a handful that seemed to fit their needs. On top of that, Elliot hadn't been able to make even one of the apartment hunting trips, and she'd had a variety of helpers, including Kathleen, Liz and Casey. The few she had liked, Elliot had gone to see during the week when he'd had time and crossed them off the list.

So here they were, at the beginning of June, and they still hadn't found a place to live. She was really hoping that Elliot would be able to go tomorrow, and that they would find the right place for them. She had found a great family to rent her house in Connecticut. A professor was moving his young family into town for a one-year interim teaching position at a small university in Bridgeport. It was the perfect arrangement because she had a good feeling about him, and she liked the idea that someone would be there for an entire year. She didn't want to deal with several short term renters.

She looked in her rearview mirror to check on Elise. She was reading a book and Olivia shook her head at all of the things Elise had on the seat next to her. It seemed like every week they brought more and more things and they were piling up at Elliot's. She didn't mean to leave that much there, but it seemed silly to repack the car on Sunday night and haul it all home. She always thought she'd leave clothes and toys so she wouldn't have to bring more things the following weekend…and yet, here they were. The car was practically full. Pretty soon they wouldn't have any room at Elliot's, and they wouldn't have anything to wear or play with at her house.

That might be OK, because she figured she could probably only reasonably delay her renters for a few more weeks. They simply had to find a place to live this weekend. And Elliot had promised her he would be there to try to expedite the process. Liz was coming over to spend the day with Elise so they could get going early and go late, with minimal breaks. When she had Elise along, they always had to stop for food and bathroom breaks, and the little girl could only tolerate house hunting for so long. She couldn't blame her. But long days were nothing to Olivia. She thought of it as a case to work through…personal comfort set aside.

She was also looking forward to spending the day with Elliot. Even though they had been to the city every weekend, she had barely seen him. And Elise had seen him even less. He came home late at night, exhausted…and went back early in the morning. There had been one Sunday that he'd spent the day with them. She tried not to give him a hard time about it because she could certainly remember those days. She knew he got home as quickly as he could, and she tried not to dwell on the fact that sometimes she could start to understand what Kathy must have felt over the years. She tried to dismiss those thoughts quickly. She didn't _ever_ want to empathize with Kathy.

"Mommy I'm hungry."

Elise broke through her thoughts and she looked in the rear view mirror again. "We're almost there. We will get something to eat when we get there." She saw a pout break out on her daughter's face and she silently hoped they could make it the last half an hour without a temper tantrum. It had been a long day for both of them. Olivia had dropped Elise off at school earlier than normal this morning because she'd had an early meeting and they left later because she hadn't packed the night before. She had given Elise a snack before they left to tide her over, but it was a while ago. They were both tired and they were both a little cranky.

"But I'm hungry NOW." She said, her voice escalating.

"It's just a few more minutes. Why don't you tell me what you and Liz are going to do tomorrow?" she said, trying distract her.

"I already told you that." Elise said, catching on to her attempt at diversion right away.

"I forgot." Olivia said, trying to see if she could get her to repeat it.

Elise let out a sound of frustration and Olivia could tell she had reached her breaking point. She was going to have to resort to bribery. "How about if you be patient, I'll get you some McDonald's for dinner?" She hated to give Elise fast food, so she rarely got to eat it. Which is why she asked for it…constantly. Olivia didn't normally use food as bribery, but desperate times….

Olivia could tell Elise was in a mood when she didn't jump on it right away. She looked back in the mirror again and could see the little pout still on her little face. She swore that sometimes she just liked being stubborn for the sake of it…or she didn't know how to get herself out of the mood when it struck. Olivia had tried talking her through it; to teach her how to work through it. But just like her father, and herself to some degree, she was really good at holding on to it.

"Chicken nuggets and all the ketchup you want." She prodded, hoping to win her over.

"Can I have ice cream too?" she asked.

Olivia cursed inwardly, knowing she shouldn't have started down this path. "C'mon El." She said, hoping for some level of cooperation.

"OK." She said sullenly, giving in.

Olivia sighed in relief before she heard her speak again.

"I'll get to have ice cream with Liz."

Olivia rolled her eyes at what a little schemer she was, but she wasn't going to argue with her right now. She'd have that conversation tomorrow, with Liz in the room.

Elise got quiet in the back and the rest of the trip was relatively peaceful. She looked at her watch as they pulled up in front of Elliot's apartment. 8PM. Even though she had told him she was running late, she was surprised she hadn't heard from him, wondering where the hell she was. She texted him to let him know she was there so he could come down and help her unload as usual. She swung the car door open and got out, looking at the door of the apartment building expectantly. She opened the back door and saw that Elise had fallen asleep. She shook her head, wondering how she could be arguing with her one minute and then fast asleep twenty minutes later.

Olivia put a knee on the backseat and started to unbuckle her from her booster seat. Elise didn't wake up as she pulled her out of her seat, despite her attempts to rouse her. She hoisted her up and laid her head on her shoulder as she stood on the curb. She looked back at the doors. Still no Elliot.

 _What the hell?_ She let out a frustrated sigh. She closed the door and grabbed a small duffle bag and threw the straps over her other shoulder. She closed the front door and hit the lock button as she headed for the front door of the apartment building. She was thankful when someone walked out and held open the door for her; despite the fact that she hated when people let anyone in the building. She got into the elevator and to Elliot's door, struggling with the dead weight of Elise, who was still sound asleep on her shoulder. When she reached Elliot's apartment door, she knocked, getting ready to give him shit for not having his phone on him when he knew she was on her way.

Just as she had the thought, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She was focused on getting her key into the door, so she let it go. She didn't a free hand to get it anyway. When she pushed open the door, she saw the apartment was dark, and she let out a silent curse. Elliot wasn't home.

She flipped on the light in the foyer and made her way down the hall. She walked into Elise's room and laid her gently on the bed. She pulled off her shoes and set them quietly on the floor. She unzipped her sweatshirt, figuring she could easily sleep in her leggings and t-shirt. She debated waking her to feed her, but she knew that would be almost impossible. However, she also knew that going to bed this early, and without dinner, probably insured a middle-of-the-night wake-up. Either way, the it was making her even crabbier.

She lifted Elise up slightly and pulled down the blankets. She covered her up and saw Elise curl up on her side. Olivia grabbed the stuffed dog she liked to sleep with here and tucked it in next to her, and then leaned over to give her a kiss.

She walked out in the hallway, leaving the door partway open as she pulled her phone out of her pocket. She saw it was a message from Elliot and she almost didn't want to read it. She was certain he was going to tell her that he was stuck at work, and while most of the time, she was understanding…tonight her patience was worn thin. It had been too many ruined weekends lately and too long of a day. She knew it would be different when they lived together. They wouldn't have such limited time together, so it wouldn't seem so precious. But not tonight…

She flipped on a light and sat down on the couch. She opened up the message.

" _Sorry. Meant to text you. Stuck w case. B home as early as can."_

Olivia closed the message and tossed her phone onto the coffee table. That was about what she expected. She pushed herself up off the couch and walked into the kitchen to find something to eat. After she'd made herself a sandwich, she sat back down and ate while she found a movie to watch on TV.

She hadn't bothered to reply to Elliot, but she hadn't gotten any other message from him either. So she knew he must really be tied up. She got a text from Liz confirming that she'd be there around 9 the next morning, and Olivia replied to her with a big thanks. She was glad she had offered to help because Elise really liked spending time with her. And now that she had broken up with her boyfriend, she had some time on her hands.

To his credit, Elliot had never asked her what she and Liz had talked about that night he came home and interrupted them, but he had told her that he was happy that she was getting closer to his kids. And she was glad that she was developing a relationship with each of them on her own; independent of Elliot. That had been the only good part of Elliot missing all of their house hunting days.

Her movie was over by 11, and she still hadn't heard from Elliot. She turned the TV off and decided to call it a night. With how tired she was, she couldn't believe she had made it this long. She checked on Elise and saw she was still sound asleep. She still expected Elise would wake her in the middle of the night, but there wasn't anything she could do about it. She slipped off her jeans and sweater and went over to Elliot's dresser. He had cleaned out some things and she had taken over a couple of drawers. She pulled out some pajama shorts and slipped them on. She took off her bra, leaving her tank top on.

She walked into the bathroom and looked around, realizing she had quite a bit of stuff here too. She washed her face and brushed her teeth and then flipped off the light. She crawled into bed and was asleep in minutes.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia heard Elliot when he came in the front door. She looked at the clock on the nightstand and saw it was 3AM. She realized she had left her phone in the other room, so she had no idea if he had tried to reach her again, but she was still a little upset that he hadn't been there when she got there tonight. She knew it was irrational, but she just hadn't been able to shake the mood and it still stuck with her, despite the fact that she'd had a few hours of sleep.

She heard him come down the hall and go past the door, so she knew he was going to check on Elise. She heard him come back towards their room and make his way inside, trying to be quiet. She heard his pants hit the floor and she imagined he was pulling his shirt over his head. She felt the bed bow as he climbed into bed.

"I know you're awake." He whispered. Typically, if he got home late, she was sitting up waiting for him, curled up on the couch in a blanket. Or if she had gone to bed, she threw back the covers and welcomed him to bed with a kiss and a smile. Tonight though, she didn't stir.

He scooted over to where she was lying with her back to him. "Liv." He said.

"Hmm." She mumbled.

Elliot wrapped a hand around her waist and pulled her flush against him. "It's good to see you." He placed a kiss on her bare shoulder.

"I'm trying to sleep." She said, hearing the annoyance in her own voice.

Elliot laughed against her skin, continuing to place small kisses along her shoulder. "Yes, but right now, you're awake. And I missed you." He said.

"So you can come home anytime you want and I'm just supposed to be lying here waiting for you?" She knew she was being kind of bitchy, but she didn't seem to be able to help it. She was still extremely tired, and a little annoyed with him, even though her rational mind kept telling her it wasn't his fault.

Elliot laughed. "Sounds good to me." He said. He ground up against her. "Didn't you miss me?"

"I did. But then I got here and you weren't here so I got over it." She was frustrated with how much they had seen of each other over the past months. She felt like they hadn't done anything together; spent any time together. Except for sex. They always seemed to find time for that of course. And while she loved the feeling of his body against hers, it wasn't all there was to a relationship.

Elliot let out a frustrated grunt and removed his hand from her waist. He rolled over onto his back and threw an arm over his eyes. He'd had a bitch of a day and he had been looking forward to seeing Olivia and wrapping his body around hers. When he was with her, all of his stress melted away. He didn't need this grief from her.

"Why are you being like this? You remember how it was." He said.

"I do." She said, trying not to sound as annoyed. "I'm just tired and I'm sleeping."

"Fine." Elliot snapped. He rolled over so his back was to her. "I don't need this tonight."

She rolled over on her back next to him with a huff. She knew he deserved an explanation but she was really struggling to shake herself out of this mood. She bit on her bottom lip, the events of the past month racing through her mind. She was lost in her own thoughts when she realized Eliot was snoring lightly next to her.

She propped herself up on her elbows and looked over at him. _He was sleeping?_ She couldn't believe that she was lying here steaming and he just fell asleep without another thought. She sat up and looked down at him. She put her hand on his shoulder and pulled him onto his back.

"What the hell?" he asked, opening his eyes and looking up at her.

"You're _sleeping_?" she asked.

Elliot let out a pained sound. " _Jesus._ Yes, I'm sleeping."

She fell back against the pillows with a loud huff and rolled away from him again. "Fine. Go to sleep."

Elliot looked over at her and saw her back facing him. He was so frustrated with her now, and he knew how ridiculous this was but he wasn't going to engage her right now because he knew it was only going to escalate. She was obviously in a bad mood, and he was exhausted. He closed his eyes and threw an arm over his eyes, letting out a heavy sigh.

Olivia lay still for a full minute before she decided she couldn't let it go. "I just feel like I haven't seen you in weeks. I look forward to seeing you all week and so does Elise. On the entire drive down, the anticipation is building and then we get here, and you're not here. I try not to be disappointed…" she paused, knowing she sounded childish…like she was whining. "But today when I got here and you weren't here…I've just had enough. You're never here. We've come down every weekend and we've barely seen you. I've done all the apartment hunting by myself. You haven't been able to come along once!" She knew she was sounding like a bitch, but now that the words were pouring out of her mouth, she couldn't seem to stop them. "I mean, what are we even doing? I'm giving up my job and my home and ripping my daughter away from the only life she's ever known…for what?"

Elliot sat up quickly, stung by her words. "For what?" He couldn't believe what she was saying. " _Your_ daughter? He scrubbed a hand over his face. He knew she was upset and frustrated and he knew it was a mistake to get into it because he was not in the mood to deal with her insecurities. He was yelling now, his tone matching hers. " _Christ_! If you don't know what we're doing here…"

"Mommy?" He looked up and saw Elise standing in the doorway and he wondered how long she'd been standing there.

Olivia was out of bed in a second and crossed the room, scooping the little girl up and laying her head against her shoulder. "Shhh. It's OK." She shot Elliot a dirty look, as if he was the one that had woken her up, and he irrationally felt like yelling at her that she started it. He watched her disappear down the hallway. He fell back on the bed with a loud grunt. He did feel badly that their argument had woken up Elise, but in a way, he was glad that she had interrupted them. He had a feeling that it would have gotten ugly, and this may give them both a chance to calm down and have a rational conversation.

He waited about 15 minutes, but she didn't come back to bed. He contemplated just going to sleep, but decided he would check to see what was going on. He sat up and got out of bed and walked down the hall quietly. He peeked into Elise's room and saw Olivia was curled up around Elise's little body. It appeared that Elise had fallen back asleep, but he couldn't tell if Olivia was sleeping or not. He guessed she wasn't…but he knew she wasn't coming back to his bed tonight. He walked back and climbed into bed, his body tense…his anger palpable.

He couldn't believe she was pulling this crap on him. He looked forward to seeing her every week. It was killing him to have her and Elise so far away. And it completely sucked that every pervert had decided to come out of the woodwork this spring and that NYPD was understaffed and that he worked _all the fucking time_. And he was frustrated because she, of all people, should understand. He counted on it.

It also pissed him off that she thought it didn't bother him to miss the apartment hunting. That he didn't miss being at the door when she and Elise arrived for the weekend. That he didn't miss putting Elise to bed and then kissing her until they were both breathless.

He let out a silent string of curse words and pounded the bed next to him. He pounded his fist a few more times and let out another frustrated groan. He rolled over on his side and looked at the clock, and knew he wasn't going to get any more sleep tonight. When 5AM rolled around, he got up, got dressed and left for the precinct.

EOEOEOEOEO

It had been another shitty day but he finally got out of the precinct about 2PM. He wondered if Olivia and Elise were out apartment hunting, or if they were home already. He hadn't texted Olivia and he hadn't heard from her. He didn't want to get in touch with her until he knew when he'd be getting home. And frankly, he had no idea where her head was at. She may have decided not to go apartment hunting at all.

He put the key in the lock and opened the door. "Olivia?" He dropped his keys, gun and badge on the kitchen counter and walked farther into the apartment. "Liv?"

He walked into the bedroom. He saw the duffle bag he had seen the night before was gone. He whipped down to Elise's room, and saw her bag and her blanket and her stuffed dog was gone too.

He sat down on Elise's bed.

They were gone.


	26. Chapter 26

_Oh Olivia. She doesn't seem to know what she wants. Bear with me people. And thanks for reading and for the reviews!_

EOEOEOEO

Olivia woke up, stiff from being tucked in Elise's small bed. She hadn't really slept for very long. She had heard Elliot peek into Elise's room, but purposely hadn't said a thing. She'd lain awake for quite a while before finally falling into a restless sleep. When she did wake up, she listened to see if she heard any noise in the apartment or if Elliot was still sleeping. It was quiet. She knew she wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, so she climbed out of bed quietly and padded down the hall. She peeked into Elliot's room and stopped in the doorway, surprised to see Elliot's bed was empty.

She walked down towards the kitchen, but it didn't take her long to see that Elliot wasn't in the apartment. She sat down on the couch and snagged her phone off the coffee table. She saw that she didn't have any new messages. No note.

What the hell? She knew he was upset with her, but she couldn't believe he left without waking her…or leaving her a note to tell him anything about where he was…or when he was going to be back. Her anger and frustration from the day before came back with a vengeance and she was up and off the couch before she could even think about it.

She stormed into their bedroom… _Elliot's bedroom_ she reminded herself…and whipped off her tank top and pajama shorts. She dug into her duffle bag for some clean clothes. She went into the bathroom and brushed her teeth, washed her face and brushed her hair. She threw it up in ponytail. She gathered up her stuff from the countertop and walked back into the bedroom, stuffing it in her duffel bag.

Her mind was racing…replaying the day yesterday and the argument they'd had. She had meant what she said. She was frustrated by what had been going on this past month and she was scared about what she was giving up and what the future looked like.

She had everything all packed when Elise walked into the room, rubbing her eyes. She climbed up on the bed and lay down.

"Where's Daddy?" she mumbled. "You said we could see Daddy."

"He had to go to work." She said, sitting down on the bed and scooping her sleepy daughter onto her lap. She rocked her gently. "We never got McDonald's last night, so how about we get dressed and go, and we can get some pancakes." She knew the renewed offer would be met with enthusiasm, and sure enough, Elise hopped down and ran to her room, repeating 'yay, yah, yah" all the way there.

Olivia followed her and helped her get dressed and packed. She dragged both bags down to the car and they headed to McDonalds.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia sat and drank bad coffee while she watched Elise devour her pancakes. She had been very hungry after sleeping through dinner the night before. She had her phone in her hand, and was contemplating her next move. When she had left Elliot's apartment early this morning, she had planned on driving back to Connecticut and consequences be damned. But now that she was thinking about it, she realized she didn't really want to start World War 3; she just needed some time and space. And she knew she wouldn't be able to think things through at Elliot's. She would be worrying that he would show up any second and their argument would pick up where it left off the night before…and escalate.

She opened up her contact list and hit Casey's number. She knew she was home because she had offered to go with her today if Elliot couldn't go. Olivia had assured her that it wouldn't be necessary, but she assumed Casey hadn't made any other plans based on experience.

Casey answered on the second ring. "I knew Stabler would stand you up again. Am I on for house-hunting?" she asked.

"I'm not going today." Olivia said, not up for Casey's teasing. "Can I just come over?"

"What's wrong?" Casey said, hearing the tone in her friend's voice.

"I just need someplace to go…" Olivia started. "And someone to talk to."

"Sure. Come over." Casey said. "When will you be here?" she asked.

"Fifteen minutes." said Olivia, and then realized it was really early. "Or I can stall if you're still in bed…"

"It's fine." Casey said, quickly getting out of bed. "I'm just going to jump in the shower and I'll be out in 5. Not like I have to get dressed up or anything."

"OK. I appreciate it." Olivia said and hung up the phone. She looked over at Elise and saw she was watching her.

"I thought I was going to spend the day with Liz." She said, sounding as miserable as possible.

Olivia closed her eyes. _Damn_. She had forgotten to text Liz. She would do that in the next few minutes, but for now, she knew she had to deal with Elise. "There's been a change in plans and we're going to spend some time with Casey today."

"I don't like a change in plans." Elise said, mimicking her mother and Olivia clenched her jaw. This child was so damned stubborn and too smart for her own good. "I want the plan I had."

"Elise. There's nothing I can do about it so you're just going to have to deal with it." Olivia knew that wasn't going to go well, but trying to teach this child patience and flexibility had been an on-going and difficult challenge. She just wasn't up for it today.

"But I want to play with Liz. We were going to…" Elise started, her own little jaw set with determination.

"Elise!" Olivia snapped in a loud whisper, not wanting to annoy the people around them. She leaned in. "Today you are going to listen to what I say and I'm not going to let you argue with me. I've had enough!" It wasn't that Elise usually got her way. It's just that she felt the need to argue and make a scene if it was something she really wanted, and Olivia knew this was going to be one of those things she was going to fight to the death. Well…not today.

Elise kept her jaw clenched and started back at Olivia and she could see her little mind working…wondering how far she could push her mother today.

Olivia saw her jaw loosen and then saw a few tears in her eyes. "First I didn't' get to see Daddy and now I don't get to see Liz. I don't like this day very much." She slumped back in her seat.

Olivia let out a sigh, knowing Elise was probably playing her a little, but she knew the she had a right to be disappointed. "I know honey and I'm sorry our plans didn't work out. But let's go to Casey's and get settled and then we can figure out a new plan. OK?"

Elise nodded. They gathered up their things and headed to Casey's.

EOEOEOEOEO

Casey swung the door open and saw Olivia and Elise standing there. Neither one of them looked happy and Casey knew something must have happened. She stepped back so they could walk into the apartment and shut the door behind them. When she turned back towards them, she saw that Elise was still holding on to Olivia's hand, and that she was quietly standing there. That was not the chatty, bubbly little girl she knew, and her eyes moved up to Olivia's.

"It's been a tough morning." She said, answering the unasked question in Casey's eyes.

Casey squatted down next to Elise. "Honey, how about if you crawl in my bed and you can watch some cartoons. Or a movie. Do you want to do that?"

Elise looked up at her mother. "Can that be part of the new plan?" she asked and it almost made Olivia want to laugh. If she weren't so completely miserable, she might have.

"Sure, that can be part of the new plan." She let go of Elise's hand and watched as Casey led her away towards her bedroom. Olivia kicked off her shoes and curled up on Casey's couch, wondering what the hell she was doing here.

Casey came out a few minutes later and walked right into the kitchen. She emerged a few minutes later with a couple of mugs of coffee, and Olivia took one gratefully. She sat down on the couch a few feet away from Olivia, curled up her legs and faced her friend.

"So are you going to tell me what's going on or are you going to make me ask a million questions?" she probed.

Olivia didn't say anything for a minute. She just stared at the coffee in her mug, trying to figure out where to even start.

Casey knew Olivia well enough to know that she was struggling with the conversation. She wasn't much for sharing private things and Casey always had to pull it out of her.

"So, since you and Elise are here, I'm assuming this has something to do with Elliot." Casey prompted.

Olivia nodded.

Casey bit her tongue, wanting to make a smartass comment, but she held herself in check. She was used to the two of them fighting. They were champs at it. "OK. So…you showed up at Elliot's last night…"

"And he wasn't there. Again." Olivia said. She took a sip of her coffee and set it down on the small table next to her.

"Again?" Casey asked. She didn't know about anything that had been going on. When she and Olivia talked, she always made it sound like things were going fine. She hadn't complained once really when Elliot had backed out of previous house-hunting excursions, so Casey had assumed it was no big deal.

"I've come down to the city for the last what? Four or five weekends now? And at least two times he hasn't been home on Friday night. And he has had to work _every_ Saturday."

"Yeah, things have been crazy. But you remember those days, don't you?" Casey said. She saw the look on Olivia's face and realized she'd said exactly the wrong thing.

"Of course I remember those days!" She snapped. "That's why I'm upset. Because now I'm goddamn Kathy Stabler, bitching that he's never home!"

"Oh God Liv. You don't sound like that at all. Don't even talk like that."

Olivia whipped her head over to look at Casey. "But that's how I feel! I'm giving up my whole life to come down here and live with him and to do what? Stay home and raise his kids and worry if he's coming home tonight? I don't want to be that person!"

"This is completely different. You know Elliot avoided going home before because he wanted to be with _you_. He didn't love his wife anymore. But Elliot is nuts about you and he's going to be home every minute he can. And when you live here, it will be different because you'll get to see him during the week too! It's just been hard because you're restricted to weekends…" Casey paused and gave her a funny look. "Did you say kids? Are Elliot's kids moving in with you?" She had a puzzled look on her face and Olivia looked away quickly.

Casey grabbed her arm, realization hitting her. "Olivia Benson. Are you pregnant?" Casey said, shock in her tone.

Olivia looked back at Casey. "I don't know." She hesitated. "I think I might be." she said quietly.

"You haven't taken a test?"

Olivia shook her head. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this. I can't be."

Casey leaned back on the couch, still staring at Olivia. "Christ. You guys have only been sleeping together like 2 or 3 months…"

"I know." Olivia snapped.

"You guys should really get some help on the whole birth control issue…" Casey started. She knew Olivia had gotten pregnant with Elise accidentally, and now a second oops?

Olivia shot her a dirty look, not at all happy that Casey was getting a laugh out of this. "This wasn't like before. I purposefully went off the pill almost right away. Elliot said he wanted another baby, but I never expected to get pregnant this quickly. I never expected to get pregnant _at all_. I'm too old." Olivia said, burying her head in her hands.

"Stabler is a dangerous man." Casey joked. "He wants a baby and bam…you're pregnant."

"Casey, this isn't funny." Olivia snapped.

"I know. I'm sorry." Casey was really confused though. "But if you agreed to go off birth control and now you're pregnant…well, I'm not sure why you're upset. I would think you'd want to move down here more than ever."

"I know I agreed but I never really thought it would happen. Or that it would happen so fast. Things are just going too fast." The word _fast_ just kept repeating in her thoughts, like a mantra. "We've only been seeing each other a few months."

Casey cocked her head and laughed. "A few months? You guys are crazy in love and have been for a long time."

Olivia just sighed, her head still buried in her hands.

"What are you so afraid of?" Casey asked when Olivia didn't look at her or respond.

She looked up at Casey then. "I quitting my job and moving to the city and I'm going to be having a baby. And I'm going to be stuck at home trying to deal with two kids and no one to help and that's just not me…I'm not someone that can just sit at home and make dinner and go to PTA meetings and talk with the other mothers."

Casey reached for her friend's arm. "Since when were you planning on staying at home and raising kids? Aren't you going to get a job here?" Casey didn't know where all of this anxiety was coming from.

"Elliot's a traditionalist. When he finds out about this baby, he's going to want me to stay home." Olivia scrubbed a hand over her face. "He'll probably want more kids."

Casey wished she had a video camera because she could barely believe this was the badass cop she knew and loved. Having a complete meltdown about something that hadn't even happened yet.

"Liv, I think you're getting ahead of yourself." She offered. "I don't see Elliot expecting that at all."

"You don't know!" Olivia yelled.

"Well neither do you! Has he said that?"

"No."

"So you're getting all upset about something he hasn't even brought up?"

"He hasn't brought it up because he doesn't even know I might be pregnant."

"Exactly!" Casey got up from the chair. "I'm sorry to say this Liv, but isn't this how things got fucked up last time? You guessing what he was going to do or say and deciding to take off instead?"

Olivia narrowed her eyes as Casey stood her ground in front of her. "This isn't the same thing. I'm not running away." She said.

"Oh really? So why are you here?"

"If you were listening to me, you'd know that I'm here because I'm upset that I've been coming her for five weeks and have seen Elliot for 5 minutes and it's pissing me off! All he's does is work. Why do I even bother?" She fell back against the couch. "And if that's not enough, I worry about him when I'm here. I mean, I worried enough about him when I was there to have his back. But now I'm scared that I'm going to get a call in the middle of the night and someone will tell me he's dead and I'm stuck here with two small kids…" She brushed her hair out of her face.

"Maybe it's time for Elliot to retire." Casey said, not really believing it was a viable or reasonable option. She couldn't see Elliot leaving SVU. But then again, she'd never expected Olivia to leave either. "Or time for you to go back being a cop." She countered.

"What?" Olivia said, a puzzled look on her face.

"Are you really worried about Elliot, or are you upset because you're missing what you love to do?" She figured she might as well throw everything out there because Olivia obviously wasn't thinking clearly.

No! I can't be a cop when I have kids. I just…I know that's not a good idea." She said. "And I've always wanted a family." She said quietly.

"But now that your back in New York…now that you see Elliot go off every day…you miss it?" Casey asked.

Olivia let out a heavy sigh. "No. Yes. I don't know." She let out a sound of exasperation.

"Sounds to me like you need to tell Elliot what's on your mind." Casey said.

"How can I tell him when I don't even know myself? I just know that when he wasn't there last night, I was upset. And then when I saw he had gone back to work this morning without a word, I just snapped. I couldn't be there anymore."

"So Elliot doesn't know where you are?" Casey asked.

Olivia shook her head. "He's at work. He probably doesn't even know I left."

"Are you going to go back so you can be there when he gets home?" Casey asked, trying to nudge her friend to talk to Elliot.

"I need some time to think. I just need some space."

"Do you love him?"

She looked up at Casey, her deepest confession on her lips. "It scare me how much I love him. I told him that he's wrecked me for any other man. If this doesn't work out Case, it'll kill me."

Her voice was a whisper now and Casey could a thread of fear in it. Now she was starting to understand what was at the heart of all of this.

"You have to know he feels the same about you." She said. "You know that right?"

Olivia swallowed hard. "Sometimes I worry that I'm not the person he thinks I am. The person he needs."

Casey shook her head. She knew this was at the heart of their issues before, and she could barely believe she and Elliot were back here again. "You need to talk to him. You know he's going to come after you, don't you?"

Olivia nodded. "I know. Can I stay here for a while?"

Casey gave her a broad smile. "Whatever you want to do Liv. You know I'm here for you."

Olivia let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you." She was frustrated with herself because this wasn't who she was. She thought she was through with all this bullshit and she didn't know what was causing this to rear its ugly head again. Maybe it was just hormones.

They were quiet for a few minutes. Then Casey spoke. "So…do you think maybe we should run down to the drug store and get pregnancy test?"

"I don't know if I want to know."

Casey gave her a small smile. "Knowing has to be better than not knowing." She said, grabbing her wallet off the counter. "I'll be back in a few minutes."


	27. Chapter 27

_Hello everyone. I've been trying to update this story as quickly as possible. Lots of stuff going on here, and in the story too. I hope to get another update out later this week. Thanks for your continued support and I love the reviews!_

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot sat on the edge of the bed, trying to process what was happening. Why had Olivia taken Elise and left? He had known she was upset but taking off seemed a little extreme. They had disagreements and fights. He expected that they would talk and that they would work it out. He never expected her to disappear again. She promised she was done with that.

He let out a pained sound. _He should have known better_. This was so typical of her.

Despite her promise to deal with issues head-on, she resorted to her old behavior. He wanted to say good riddance. She was making this too damn hard.

 _He didn't need her._

He threw himself back on the bed and threw one arm over his eyes.

He knew he there was no use fooling himself. He had told her he wouldn't survive if she ripped out his heart again, and it was true.

He knew he should have realized that this was bound to happen with all the rapid-fire changes in her life over the past few months. And he hadn't been there for her.

She'd been trying to tell him something last night and he had been too damn tired to listen. To read between the lines. To really hear what she was trying to say.

He pushed himself up off the bed and walked back towards the front door. He had no doubt she'd taken Elise and gone back home. She wouldn't wander very far with Elise in tow. At lease he didn't think so. He snagged his keys off the table in the foyer, trying to summon enough energy to make the 90-minute drive.

He pulled open the door and couldn't believe what he was seeing. Olivia was walking down the hallway towards him. She stopped when she saw him, and he froze as well. He could tell by the look on her face that she was surprised to see him, and he found himself wondering if she was going to turn around and walk away.

She was the one that broke the impasse. She started to walk towards him, her eyes never leaving his. He knew she was watching him for a reaction; most likely expecting him to lash out in anger. She stopped a few feet from him, and watched him warily. The anger he had felt just a few minutes ago was replaced by relief and it only took him a few seconds to reach for her and pull her into an embrace. He felt her relax against his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss in her hair.

"You came back." He whispered against her forehead.

"I told you I wasn't going to run anymore." She said, snaking her hands around his waist and hugging him closer to her body.

Elliot didn't know how to react to her statement. He knew that's exactly what she had done. She had taken her bags, and his daughter. But he didn't want to argue with her. He wanted to talk.

"Can we go inside and talk?" he asked.

Olivia lifted her head and looked up at him. She saw a mixture of fear and anger there, but was surprised that he didn't go with his normal standby. Anger.

"You want to talk?" she asked, still feeling him out.

Sometimes she couldn't believe this was the same man she'd been partnered with for some many years. That man was emotionally closed off and mostly non-communicative. But since she'd been back, he'd been so much more open. _When he wanted to be_.

"I know I wasn't in the mood to talk last night." He said. "But I'm ready to listen now."

Olivia thought back to their argument last night. She hadn't been in the mood to talk then either; she'd been pissed off and ready to fight. But she hadn't been thinking about leaving…not until she'd waken up and found him gone again.

But the fight in her was gone. Talking things through with Casey had helped to some degree, and she knew she had to let Elliot know what was going through her mind right now. She understood now that the thought of being pregnant was scaring the shit out of her and had ratcheted her stress level to the breaking point. She had come here to wait for Elliot and talk to him.

She hadn't expected him to be home, robbing her of precious time to think about what she was going to say, or how she was going to say it.

Elliot was worried by her silence. Even though she had come back, he could tell that she hadn't expected him to be there. Maybe he'd been wrong about the reason for her return. Maybe she'd come back to pick up some things she'd forgotten, hoping to sneak away before he got home. "Liv?" he said, his voice laced with concern. "You did come back so we could talk, right?"

She could feel his anxiety rolling off him in waves and she was quick to respond this time. "Yes." She said, reaching up and cupping his cheek with her hand, wanting to assure him. She locked eyes with him, hoping he could see the sincerity in her eyes. "I want to talk to you."

Elliot let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding. "Let's go inside." He wasn't under any illusion that it was going to be an easy discussion. He was just glad that she was here and that he had the opportunity to hear what was on her mind. He took her hand and she followed him as they walked into his apartment. He closed the door as she walked past him.

She was only a foot or so ahead of him when he impulsively snagged her hand, stopping her forward movement. She turned and he tugged her towards him, sliding his right hand through her hair and resting his hand there. He brushed her left cheek with his thumb, and looked down at her. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you got here last night." He said softly, knowing he should have said that to her last night. She'd been really patient with how many hours he'd been working; he shouldn't have expected that she wouldn't reach a breaking point.

His apology caught her off-guard. They had been rare over the course of their partnership, but things had changed. Especially now. She knew that some of that was her part. Fall-out from the way she'd left him before. He was gun-shy now, and her disappearing act today had probably scared the crap out of him.

"I wanted to leave…" she started. "But I didn't." She knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear, but she didn't want to lie to him. When she had left his apartment this morning, she hadn't really had a plan…just this overwhelming need to create some space.

"Where did you go?" he asked, his fingers trailing from her cheek down her neck and landing on her shoulder.

"Casey's."

Elliot was actually glad to hear that she'd ended up there. Casey seemed to be the only person that could talk frankly with Olivia, and she didn't put up with her bullshit. "And?"

Olivia gave a little shrug. "We talked." She pulled away from him then, and his hands dropped to his sides as she walked into the living room. She sat down on the far corner of the couch and curled one leg beneath her. She could feel the pregnancy test poke her leg from where it was hidden in her front pocket. She felt a small flush on her cheeks; it felt like it was burning a hole in her pocket.

She saw that Elliot had followed her, a wary look still on his face. He sat down at the other end of the couch and turned to face her. She saw the expectant look on his face. He was obviously waiting for her to start talking. She didn't know where to start, so she decided to start with an apology of her own.

"I should apologize to you too." She started. "I had such a long week and it took such a long time to get here and I was in such a bad mood and then when you weren't here…" She let out a loud huff. "I lugged Elise all the way up here."

"You suck at apologies." Elliot said, practically laughing as he said it.

Olivia couldn't help but smile herself. "I'm sorry I left this morning." She said forcefully. She meant it. She noticed Elliot didn't tell her it was OK, and she was glad for that, because she knew it wasn't.

"I know it's been shitty because I've been working all the time." Elliot said.

"I've been coming down here to the city for over a month, looking for a place for us to live. I'm the one giving up my house and my job and I feel like you're never here so what's the goddamned point?" She had wanted to talk rationally, and keep emotion out of it, so she took a deep breath. "I just miss seeing you and so does Elise and I just saw a future with me and Elise hanging out in our apartment by ourselves. I'm not moving down here and giving up everything to end up living by myself anyway."

"You're not going to be living by yourself. If we live together, you're going to see me all the time. It won't just be on the weekends. It will be different." He explained. "I'm not sure what you want me to do. You remember how it was, don't you?"

"Of course I do!" It was exactly what Casey had said to her. "I just…" She shook her head slightly, as if trying to clear her head from the multitude of confusing thoughts running through it. "This is all happening so fast…"

Elliot furrowed his brow. "I know it's only been a few months but really Liv, this thing between you and me has been going on for years." He could see the apprehension on her face and he really didn't know what was driving it. Things had been fine before; she had been understanding when work had gotten in the way. He didn't think he could chalk this up to just a bad week. He leaned over and put a hand on her knee. "What's got you so spooked all of a sudden?"

Olivia drew in a sharp breath; this conversation had fast forwarded and she wasn't sure she was ready to tell him exactly what was scaring her…what had really been behind her anxiety as she'd driven to the city and her disappointment at not finding him home. She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and looked up at Elliot. He was staring at her intently, and she bit down on her lip so hard she swore she could taste blood.

Elliot could see she was stalling and he couldn't imagine what was so horrible that she didn't want to tell him. "Liv…" His mind started to roll through the possibilities until he landed on something he didn't even want to consider. "Are you changing your mind about moving here?"

"God no."

"About us?" He didn't know what he would do if she sad yes to that question.

"No!" She said, a little more emphatically then she meant to. "Just stop…"

"What then?" he said, leaning back and scrubbing his hand over his face.

Olivia dropped her eyes and swallowed hard. Her eyes traveled back up to his and she could feel the nerves coursing through her body…the butterflies in her stomach. She didn't know why she was so nervous because he had told her he _wanted_ another baby.

Elliot let out a sound of frustration. He just wanted to reach over and pull the words from her mouth. "Just tell me."

"I think I might be pregnant." She spit out, the words coming out quickly and quietly.

" _What?_ " Elliot said before he could even process what she was saying. It was so far from what he had expected to hear, he answered without thinking.

"I said…" she started, not sure what his reaction meant.

"I heard what you." He said, as he broke into a huge smile. He pushed himself off the couch excitedly and stood in front of her. He placed his hands on her waist and lifted her off the couch, wrapping her in his arms. He lifted her up so her feet weren't even touching the ground, and he rocked slightly back and forth. "That's wonderful. I'm so excited!" He said, lowering her gently until her feet touched the ground. He took a step back and ran his hands up her arms. He looked down at her, a big smile still on his face, but his smile faded slightly when he saw the look on her face. He saw uncertainty…and maybe a little fear.

"You're not happy about that?" he asked. "We talked about having a baby."

"I threw my birth control pills away on a whim. I never thought I'd get pregnant…at least not this quickly."

Elliot raised an eyebrow at her. "Do you feel like I pressured you into this?" He had asked her about it, and she'd said she would think about it. He didn't feel like he pushed too hard, and she had thrown away her pills without even telling him.

Olivia shook her head. "No." she assured him. "I made the decision on my own." She sat down on the couch again; almost falling on to it vs. sitting down of her own free will. "I just got overwhelmed with everything that was happening and how quickly things were changing and then when I realized I might be pregnant. Well, I guess I just freaked out a little."

Elliot sat down on the couch again, maintaining a short distance. He sensed she had more to tell him and he didn't want to crowd her.

"It was only five months again that I was driving to the city to tell you about your daughter, and wondering if you'd ever even speak to me again. And now I'm in a relationship with you, moving to a new home, getting a new job, and I might be having a baby. I'd say I have every right to be a little freak out a little."

Elliot laughed. "OK, I'll cut you some slack." He leaned back towards her again, the smile disappearing from his face. "But seriously Olivia. I'm happy that you came back and decided to talk to me instead of cutting out and heading back to Connecticut." He laid one of his hands over hers. "I know you said you were done running, but you have to know that I'm always going to have a little fear about that."

Olivia nodded slightly. She wished it wasn't true, but she knew she had only herself to blame. "I know."

Elliot picked up her hand and intertwined his fingers in hers. "So…the baby." He smiled.

She pulled her hand from his. "Wait." She said. "I said I think I might be pregnant. I don't know for sure."

Elliot's smile faded. "You haven't taken a test?"

Olivia shook her head. "I was afraid to at first but then when I told Casey…"

"You told Casey before you told me?" He tried not to sound annoyed, but he knew he didn't do a very good job of hiding it.

"I'm sorry, but you weren't here and I had to talk to someone. She's the one that convinced me I had to talk to you."

Elliot was disappointed, but he knew if he had talked to her last night…had asked her why she was so upset…she probably would have told him. He nodded. "I get it."

"Well, she ran down to the drugstore and got a test. Three of them." She pulled her hand from his and leaned back, fishing in her pocket for the unused test. "But it didn't feel right to take it. I thought I should do it with you." She held up the packet in her hand. "We should find out together."

Elliot smiled, forgiving her immediately for telling Casey first. "Do you want to do it now?"

Olivia lifted her shoulders slightly. "I guess." She knew neither one of them would be able to think about anything else.

Elliot stood up and grabbed her hands, pulling her up on her feet. He started walking towards the hallway as she followed him with the test in her hand.

"Are you going to watch me pee on the stick?" she asked, knitting her eyebrows together. "I don't think we need to do that part together."

Elliot rolled his eyes. "What does it matter?"

"That's gross." She said as they reached the bathroom door.

"Fine." He said, stopping and leaning against the doorframe. "Go ahead." He gestured for her to go into the bathroom. She started to walk past him, but he put his hand across the door, barring her from entering. "Hold on." He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her towards him. "Are you nervous?" he asked, looking into her eyes. He knew she was.

She nodded.

"You know it doesn't matter to me one way or the other."

"I know." She said quietly. Honestly, she didn't know which she wanted more. She was nervous about either outcome. She grabbed his t-shirt and bunched it in her hands, and pushed herself up slightly so her lips met his. He kissed her back gently, but released her mouth quickly.

"Go." He said, pointing into the room.

Olivia dropped back down on her feet and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She opened the package and sat down, readying herself to pee on the stick. She laughed a little to herself, thinking of the few other times she'd administered this test, hoping it would be negative. Her pregnancy with Elise being one of them. And now she couldn't imagine her life without her. That made her realize that if this test was positive, it was going to be alright. And if it was negative…they'd keep trying.

She finished and set the stick on the edge of the counter. She pulled up her pants and washed her hands before letting Elliot inside the bathroom. "It'll just be another minute or so." She said as they both loitered by the door.

"The anticipation is killing me." Elliot growled, glancing at the little stick that had the ability to change his life forever.

"No matter what it says, I have to go to the doctor." Olivia said. "There can be a lot of false positives and false negatives. It's early…and I'm old."

Elliot pressed her gently against the doorframe and kissed her forehead. "You're not old. You're perfect." He dropped his mouth to hers, the test momentarily forgotten. "I think it's going to be positive. I've got super sperm." He said, and Olivia couldn't help but laugh against his mouth.

"And the super ego to go with it." She murmured a moment before Elliot deepened the kiss.

"I missed you." He said. He opened her mouth with his and slipped his tongue between her lips. He tangled one hand in her hair, holding her head in place as he kissed her, showing her exactly how much. Olivia let out a small moan and it resonated between them. They kissed like they had been apart for weeks or months instead of days, and Elliot could feel his body reacting to her. It was a few moments later that he felt her hands on his chest, pushing him back slightly. His mouth broke away from hers.

"Isn't this the reason we're here?" she said with a little a laugh, nodding her head towards the countertop. "The test."

Elliot smiled. "The test."


	28. Chapter 28

I'm so sorry for the delay. I keep getting asked for an update, since I left such a mean cliffhanger at the end of the last chapter. So this is a REALLY short chapter, just so I don't leave you hanging until I can get a longer update pulled together. I will have another chapter later in the week.

Just a reminder as to where we left off at the end of the last chapter (just in case you forgot!).

" _I missed you." He said. He opened her mouth with his and slipped his tongue between her lips. He tangled one hand in her hair, holding her head in place as he kissed her, showing her exactly how much. Olivia let out a small moan and it resonated between them. They kissed like they had been apart for weeks or months instead of days, and Elliot could feel his body reacting to her. It was a few moments later that he felt her hands on his chest, pushing him back slightly. His mouth broke away from hers._

" _Isn't this the reason we're here?" she said with a little a laugh, nodding her head towards the countertop. "The test."_

 _Elliot smiled. "The test."_

 _EOEOEOEOEO_

Elliot started to move back into the bathroom, but Olivia wrapped her fingers around his wrist, halting his progress. "I'm nervous." She said.

Elliot looked back at her. "Nervous that your pregnant or that you're not?"

"Yes." Olivia said, a strangled laugh escaping her lips.

Elliot raised an eyebrow, keeping his eyes trained on hers. "So we're not going to look?" he asked, cracking a small smile.

Olivia bit her bottom lip nervously. "You look. I can't." She looked away from him as she released his wrist.

Elliot didn't try to talk her out of it. He was anxious to know. It only took two steps until he reached the countertop and snagged the test from where it was sitting. He looked at the results, trying to decipher what the test was telling him. Thirty seconds had passed before Olivia's impatience got to her. She swung her head back towards him and opens her eyes. "Well?" she asked, her voice high and tight.

Elliot looked up at her as he set the test back down on the counter. Before she knew what was happening, he'd rushed over to her and lifted her up off the ground. "We're gonna have a baby!" He yelled. He spun her around and her legs smacked into the wall in such a confined space.

"El!" Olivia squealed, wrapping her arms around his neck. "Really? The test was positive?"

"Sorry." He said, apologizing for causing her to crash into the doorframe. "And yes! It is." He walked out of the bathroom with her arms still wrapped around his neck and her feet dangling, and she has no choice but to wrap her legs around his waist as he walked to the bedroom. When he reached the bed, she loosened her legs as he put one knee on top of the mattress, lowering her body until she was laid out beneath him. Despite her uncertainty at how she felt about it, she found that his excitement was contagious, and she reached to pull him down against her. But Elliot had other plans, and he dodged her outstretched arms and bent over her stomach. He lifted up her t-shirt and started placing small kisses on her abdomen. Olivia smiled as she heard him talking to the baby, and she ran her fingers through his short hair.

"El." She said, laughing. "What are you doing? The baby has to be the size of a pea." She was still laughing as he traced small patterns over her skin.

Elliot looked up at her face and saw her watching him with a smirk on her face. "Doesn't matter. He can hear me."

Olivia arched an eyebrow at him. "He? What makes you think it's a boy?"

He got a serious look on his face. "I know these things." He tried to keep a serious expression on his face, but he broke into a smile when he saw Olivia roll her eyes at him.

"You're ridiculous." She said, laughing.

Elliot tickled her sides and laughed as he crawled up her body. He straddled her and placed a hand in either side of her head as he looked down at her. "You'll see I'm right." He said, placing a quick kiss on her lips. He stared down at her, his eyes moving back and forth between hers. "Seriously Liv, I don't care if it's a boy or a girl. I'm just so excited."

Olivia reached up and stroked his right cheek with her hand. "I am too." Now that she'd had a little time to process the fact, she found she really _was_ excited. All the concerns and fears she'd felt the past week when she thought about being pregnant so suddenly melted away. This was so different from when she had found out she was pregnant with Elise. She had spent the first few months alternating between excitement and dread, wondering what the hell she as going to do; until she'd made the decision to leave. But now…now she could be excited to share this with Elliot. "I almost can't believe this is happening." She lifted her head and kissed him. She dropped her head back on the pillow and let out a sigh. _She was pregnant_.

"It's happening. We're going to have a baby." He placed soft kisses along her jawline. "Everything's going to be wonderful. Don't worry about a thing." He murmured against her skin. As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he felt her tense slightly beneath him.

He lifted his head and looked into her eyes. He brushed her hair back from her face. "What's wrong?"

She pasted a smile on her face as she looked back up at him. "Nothing." She lied. As soon as he had told her not to worry, a whole new set of fears started niggling at her. She started to think about her age and all the things that could go wrong.

"Liv." He said, his tone letting her know that he didn't believe what she was saying.

"It's just…I don't want to get too excited. There are so many things that can go wrong." She said. "I'm over forty…"

Elliot slid off her body and lay down on his side next to her, his left hand cradling her cheek. "Shhh." He placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. "Don't think like that. Everything's going to be fine." He slid his hand down her body until it rested protectively over her stomach. "You didn't think you'd get pregnant and here we are. This baby already is defying the odds." He smiled, trying to reassure her; give her the confidence he was feeling. "You're healthy and there's no reason to believe that anything bad is going to happen."

Olivia opened her mouth to protest…to tell him about all of the risks. Things she'd had to hear about even when she was pregnant with Elise. But Elliot didn't give her a chance. He placed his lips on hers and kissed her deeply, and she felt a sense of calm settle over her. Even though reality dictated that her concern was real, she just wanted to enjoy this feeling for now.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and slid one hand around the back of his head, slipping her tongue between his lips. When he released her mouth, she smiled up at him. "We're having a baby." She whispered.

Elliot grinned, feeling deliriously happy. "I love you." He whispered back. He rolled over on his back, taking her body with his. He wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tightly against him. He buried his face in her hair. "This is perfect."

Olivia snuggled into his warm body, feeling overwhelmed with emotion. His big arms were still wrapped around her, and she felt safe and loved. "I've never been happier." She meant what she said; she could see their future stretched out in front of them and things had never looked better. Her mind drifted back to that day in the precinct, when Elliot first found out about Elise. And she realized things could have gone so differently. She lifted her head and looked up at him. "Thank you."

Elliot got a puzzled look on his face. "For what? Knocking you up?" he teased as he broke into a smile. "Because the pleasure was mine."

Olivia slapped him lightly against his chest. "I'm being serious."

"Me too."

She shook her head. "Never mind." She said, looking down.

Elliot realized that he'd blown it again. She was trying to tell him something and he was ignoring her. He caught her chin with his fingers and lifted her head so she was looking at him again. "Hey…" He said, a look of earnestness on his face. "tell me."

She hesitated a second before she spoke. "You didn't have to give me a second chance…" She dropped her eyes from his and stared down at his chest. "After what I did, I didn't deserve it." She felt a tear escape down her cheek, but she let it go. She knew being pregnant was wreaking havoc with her emotions.

Elliot swiped at the tear with his thumb. He smiled at her. "You act like I had a choice."

"You did." She said. "You could have still been a father to Elise without having a relationship with me."

Elliot chuckled lightly and now it was Olivia's turn to be confused.

"Why are you laughing?" she asked.

"Liv." He said softly. "You have to know. Once I fell in love with you, no matter what happened, I could never stop loving you. I'll always choose you."


	29. Chapter 29

They laid in bed and talked for over an hour before She suddenly realized how much time had passed and that Elise was still at Casey's. She knew Casey was probably going out of her mind, wondering about the results of the test. She had traipsed down to the drug store and come back with the tests in a small plastic bag and a big smile on her face. When Olivia told her that she thought she should probably take the test with Elliot, the father of this theoretical child, Casey had been disappointed. But she claimed she understood. She encouraged her to leave right away and talk things through, but Olivia had sat for a few hours before she had screwed up the courage to go to Elliot's. She left promising Casey she would be the first person to know (well, third), and that she'd be back as quickly as possible to pick up Elise.

"Crap. What time is it?" Olivia said, sitting up. "'Casey is probably wondering where the hell I am."

Elliot sat up next to her. They had been so engrossed in discussing how long they should wait to tell people about the baby and about how they could accelerate her move to the city, they had completely forgotten about the daughter they already had. He couldn't believe it, especially since he'd been so anxious to see her this weekend. He had only caught a glimpse of her sleeping form to this point. He swung his legs out of bed and stood up. "Let's go get our girl". He held out his outstretched hand and pulled Olivia up and off the bed

Olivia called Casey when they were on their way, and Casey opened the door with an expectant look on her face when they got there.

"Well?" She asked.

Olivia couldn't help but break into a big smile and Casey threw her arms around Olivia's neck as she tried to enter the apartment.

"Congratulations!"

"Mommy!" Casey released Olivia as Elise ran across the room when. But when Elise saw Elliot, she squealed and bypassed Olivia to wrap herself around his legs. Elliot scooped her up and hugged her close.

Elise turned to Olivia as Elliot held her in his arms. "You found him!" She said before turning back to Elliot. "I wanted to see you but Mommy changed the plans and it made me sad but then we came here and I got to watch a movie and we went out and got some ice cream and..."

"Elise." Olivia said, placing a hand on Elise's back. "Take a breath." She looked over at Casey. "Thank you for watching her this afternoon." She glanced at Elliot as he walked into the living room carrying Elise. "We needed the time."

"Did you two get things worked out?" Casey asked.

Olivia nodded. "I think so." She smiled as she watched Elliot with Elise on his lap, looking at some pictures she had colored. "El's really excited about the baby." She said quietly so that Elise didn't overhear her. "Really excited."

"And I can see you're feeling better about it." She said, laughing.

"I am. I really am." She agreed. "I was just letting everything pile up and I was so confused about everything, but once we finally talked…" She glanced over at Elliot again. "I know it's going to be alright. More than alright."

"Did you guys talk about getting married?"

Olivia gave her a sharp look. "God no."

"Why is that such a strange question? It's the next logical step." Casey said.

"Just stop. I can't even think about that right now." Olivia said. She let her eyes stray towards Elliot again. "Besides, I don't need a ring on my finger to know Elliot loves me."

Casey turned her body so she as standing shoulder to shoulder with Olivia, seeing the same scene laid out in front of her. Elliot was listening to Elise as she wove a story. She glanced sideways at Olivia and saw the dopey look on her friend's face. "I know. I hope you know how lucky you are." She said. "I'll never find someone that loves me like he loves you." She paused for a few seconds. "Bitch."

Both women burst out laughing, and Elise and Elliot stopped what they were doing to look at the two. "Everything OK over there?" Elliot asked, but his only response was another round of laughter.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot and Olivia had just finished eating when Kathleen stopped by on her way out to meet some friends. Elise had climbed into Kathleen's lap immediately and they sat and caught up with her. Elliot heard his cell phone ringing, and he tensed immediately as he fished his phone out of his pocket. He glanced at the caller ID and saw it was Casey. He excused himself from the table as he answered it. Olivia watched him walk away, hoping this didn't mean that he was going to be called back to work.

Elliot came back less than thirty seconds later and Olivia braced herself. "Work?" she asked.

"No, it was Casey, looking for you. She said she's sent you several messages but you aren't answering."

Olivia stood up. "I must have left my cell phone in the car." She snagged Elliot's car keys off the small table in the foyer. "I'll be right back."

She made her way down the stairs and walked to Elliot's jeep. Luckily, they had found a parking spot close to the front door of the building. She unlocked the passenger door and swung it open, making the light inside the jeep turn on to illuminate the inside of the truck. She leaned in, looking in the center console for her phone. She knit her brows together when she didn't see it in its normal resting place. She leaned in farther and felt around on the floor, finally finding the phone tucked between the seat and the console.

"Hey."

Olivia jumped as she heard the voice behind her, almost hitting her head on the doorframe as she lifted her body and turned to see who was talking to her.

"What are you doing? That's Stabler's truck."

Olivia saw a man standing just a few feet from her, a look of concern on his face. "Excuse me?" she said, confused by what he was saying.

"This is Elliot Stabler's truck. What are you doing?"

"I'm getting my phone. I left it in here." She said, holding up her cell phone for him to see.

"Oh." He said, breaking into a grin. "So I take it you know Elliot then."

Olivia nodded. "Yes, I'm his…" Her voice trailed off for a second. She never knew what to call herself. Girlfriend sounded like they were teenagers. They weren't engaged or married, and she certainly wasn't going to say she was his lover. So despite her hatred of the word, she settled on girlfriend, finishing her sentence.

"Ah." He said. "Elliot's girlfriend." He took a step closer, and Olivia felt herself taking an involuntary step backwards, her back hitting the frame of the open door. "I'm Joe Manning." He smiled. "He never mentioned how beautiful you are." He said.

Olivia noticed how his eyes swept over her body quickly, and it made Olivia feel a little uneasy. She deemed herself a good judge of character and she decided there was something about this guy that seemed off. "Thank you." She said. She cocked her head slightly. "How do you now Elliot?" she queried.

"I know him from work."

That was a bit of a surprise, but she realized she didn't know all of Elliot's friends, and she certainly didn't know everyone in the squad room anymore. "Oh, well why don't you come up and say hi?" she said.

He didn't say anything for a full half minute, and she started to feel a little uncomfortable as he stood there awkwardly, just staring at her. "You know, I'm on my way to meet some friends." He looked at his watch. "And I'm running a little late…"

"Olivia!"

Olivia's head snapped towards the door of the apartment building and she saw Elliot running down the stairs towards her. She heard a chuckle and she turned back towards the stranger she'd been talking to. Before she knew what was happening, Elliot had inserted himself between her and Manning and she saw Joe take a couple of steps back, putting some space between him and Elliot.

"What the fuck are you doing here Manning?" Elliot spat out as his body nearly crushed her against the frame of the car.

"Just getting to know your girlfriend a little. She's quite the hot little piece…"

Elliot was off her then and got into Manning's face…as close as he could be without touching him. He was taller than Manning and he loomed over him, his face red with rage. "You don't talk to her. You don't look at her. You don't touch her. Or I swear to God, they won't be able to identify your body." He threatened, his voice low and menacing.

Manning stood his ground. "You don't scare me." He spat out. "You fucked up my life. My wife left me. I lost my job. I've got nothing left to lose." He pushed Elliot against his chest, forcing him back a step. He looked past Elliot, staring straight into Olivia's eyes. "So maybe I'll take a little of what you've got…"

Elliot's arm was up, his fist clenched, but Olivia rushed forward and wrapped both hands around his forearm. She didn't know what the hell was going on, but she was pretty certain that Elliot taking a swing at this guy wasn't going to help. "Elliot! Stop!"

He tried to shrug her off, but Manning took that opportunity to take a few steps back. He still had a huge grin on his face. "You're suck a fucking pussy Stabler. Your girlfriend has to save your ass. Looks like she might be handful, but I don't mind…she'll be a lot of fun."

Elliot shrugged Olivia off and was on Manning in seconds. He pushed up him against the brick wall of the building, his forearm braced against his neck. Manning made a choking sound as Elliot leaned in close again.

"My girlfriend isn't any of your fucking business." He gritted his teeth while he spoke. "I meant what I said before. You stay the fuck away from her. If she even _thinks_ you've been anywhere near her…I'll come after you."

Olivia saw a few people had gathered on the sidewalk, watching the altercation. She heard someone say they were calling the police and she stepped in, telling them that Elliot was NYPD. She moved over to where Elliot had Manning against the wall. "Elliot!" She hissed.

"Are we clear?" Elliot choked out, increasing the pressure against Manning's neck. Manning's neck was turning red and his fingers dug at Elliot's forearm.

"Elliot!" Olivia tried to grab at his arm. "Someone is going to call the police."

Elliot released Manning, but not before he brought up knee up, hitting him squarely in the groin. Manning grabbed himself as he fell to groan, and he laid there groaning.

Elliot turned and looked at Olivia. "Get inside. Now!" he yelled at her. He turned towards the small group of people that was gathered. He pulled his wallet out and flashed his badge at them. "There's nothing to see here! Go about your business." He was breathing hard. He saw people whispering to each other but they started leaving. He looked over at Manning and saw he was starting to recover. He turned and saw Olivia was still standing there. He didn't want Olivia anywhere near this creep. "I told you to go inside!" He snapped.

Olivia didn't appreciate Elliot's attitude. She'd been a cop for a long time; she knew how to take care of herself. But she also knew that he had always felt a fierce need to protect her. That wasn't ever going to change. Especially now.

She wrapped her fingers around Elliot's bicep. "Come with me." She said. She wasn't sure what he was going to do to Manning if she left, and it scared her a little.

Elliot sensed her anxiety. He turned and looked at her. "Don't worry. I'll be up in a minute." She looked around him and saw that Manning was getting up now. He had a weird smile on his face as he looked up…and looked right at her. She let go of Elliot's arm and started walking backwards to the door of the apartment building. For some reason, she felt uneasy about taking her eyes off of him.

"I'll see you later sweetheart." He said, winking at her and puckering his lips, sending a kiss in her direction. The leer on his face, along with the kiss and wink, sent a shiver up her spine. She turned and ran up the stairs, opening the door quickly and rushing inside. She considered waiting inside the foyer to make sure Elliot followed closely behind her, but decided she really wanted to get upstairs to Elise.

She rushed into Elliot's apartment and saw Kathleen and Elise sitting on the couch reading a book. They both looked up as she slammed the door behind her.

"Is everything alright?" Kathleen asked, concern in her voice.

Olivia nodded as she walked towards where they were sitting. She scooped Elise off the couch and sat down, snuggling Elise to her. She realized her hands were shaking as the adrenaline coursed through her body. She replayed the last ten minutes in her head, and realized that Manning must be a suspect in one of the cases Elliot was working on, or had worked on.

It was just a few minutes later that Elliot came bursting through the door. He closed the door quickly and headed right into the kitchen. She heard the water running and figured he was taking a minute to compose himself before the girls saw him. She looked over at Kathleen and could see the question in her eyes.

"What's going on?" she asked.

"There was just a little altercation downstairs. It's OK though. You're Dad took care of it." She wasn't telling her the whole truth, but she wasn't lying either.

Elliot came out of the kitchen a few minutes later. He had visibly calmed down, but she could still see the tension in his body.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" he said, looking at Olivia.

Kathleen stood up. "I'll take Elise into the bedroom to play." She said, reading between the lines. She'd been around enough of her parents' arguments and discussions to know that they wanted privacy.

Elliot nodded and Kathleen grabbed Elise's hand as Olivia pulled her off her lap and stood her on the floor. As they walked down the hall, Elliot paced over to the window and looked down at the sidewalk. When he heard the bedroom door close, he turned towards Olivia.

Olivia could see his jaw was set and he was grinding his teeth together like he did when he was angry. She stayed in place, waiting for him to say what he was going to say.

"He touch you?" he said, his jaw still clenched.

Olivia shook her head. "No!" she said.

"Are you telling me the truth?"

"Of course." She said forcefully.

Elliot turned back towards the window. "Tell me what happened. Before she could start talking, he added. "Word for word."

She repeated everything that had happened back to him.

He turned back to look at her when she was done. "That's it? That's everything that happened?"

"Yes." She nodded again. "Who is he? How do you know him?" She was pretty sure she knew the answer, but needed him to confirm it.

"He's a suspect I've been after for the past several months." He scrubbed his hand down his face. "Haven't been able to nail him though. Guy gets away every time."

"What's his MO?"

Elliot shook his head. "Not important."

"It's important to me. I'm pretty sure he threatened me out there." She pointed towards the window as she stood up, the volume of her voice increasing.

Elliot shook his head again, thinking about the victims this guy had raped. He kidnapped them, took them to a secluded spot. He kept them chained up in a bedroom and raped and beat them repeatedly for several days until he got tired of them. He put them in the trunk of his car and dumped them naked and bleeding by the side of the road. No DNA and he'd hidden his face. The only lead they had was from one of the first victim's that tentatively identified him, but it hadn't stuck. But Elliot knew it was him…the MO was the same and the guy was cocky as hell. Almost baiting him in interrogation. He was just waiting for him to make a mistake.

No way in hell he was going to get anywhere near Olivia.

He moved over to where she was standing, and traced his hand over her jawline, cupping her cheek with his hand. "He's not going to get anywhere near you." He whispered. "I'll kill him before that happens."

"Don't talk like that." She pointed back towards the window. "Someone could have called the police." She said in a loud whisper, trying to quieten down the conversation so the kids wouldn't hear. "You shouldn't have gone after him like that!"

"What was I supposed to do? Just let him stand there and talk to you like that?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

"He was just doing it get a rise out of you." She said.

"Are you serious? He didn't know I was coming down there. He was alone with you. Lord knows what he was planning on doing!" He hissed. "He could have pushed you in the Jeep and taken off with you. For all you know, that's exactly what he was going to do!"

"You don't know that! He didn't know I was going to be out there either." She countered.

"Yes, but he was obviously staking things out. He saw an opportunity and I have no doubt he would have taken advantage of it. He probably thought this was his lucky day." He shook his head. "If I hadn't come down to see what was taking so long…" His voice trailed off as he considered what could have happened.

Olivia considered what he was saying. She thought he was overreacting; Manning had no idea she would be down there and wouldn't be so impulsive in broad daylight.

"You don't know him Liv. You haven't seen the victims." He said quietly, resting his hands on her shoulders. He knew exactly what she was thinking. "He's a threat." He didn't want to scare her but he wanted to take her seriously.

She looked up at him. "Tell me."

He knew she'd seen all of the same things he had, but he could still that he shook her a little as he told her the things he suspected Manning of. She visibly swallowed as she placed her hands over his.

"I know how to defend myself El."

"He's not ever going to get close enough to you for that."

"You can't be with me 24/7." She said, looking up at him and seeing the fear and anger raging in his eyes. She was really worried he was going to do something stupid and she knew she had to tell him just that.

"I'm worried you're going to do something that's going to land you in jail."

"Don't worry about that."

"Elliot. I'm serious. I need you here. With me and Elise and our new baby." She took his hand and placed it over her non-existent baby bump. "Promise me."

He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. "I'll do what I have to do to protect my family Liv."


	30. Chapter 30

Olivia pulled away from Elliot's embrace, frustrated that he wasn't listening to her. "Elliot. I know you. You're going to go after this guy and get yourself in trouble. Or worse yet…killed. Then what am I supposed to do? I'm not having this baby by myself…"

"Baby?"

Olivia turned and saw Kathleen walking into the living room.

"You're having a baby?" she asked, looking at Olivia.

Olivia groaned inwardly. They had agreed they weren't going to tell anyone yet except for Casey and now one more person knew. Someone that she wasn't sure could keep a secret. "Yes, but it's early. So we weren't planning on telling anyone yet."

"Oh my God! That's so exciting!" She said, walking over to Olivia and giving her a big hug. "I'm so happy for you!" She looked over at her dad. "And you too I guess. Although aren't you getting a little old to have a kid?" she teased.

Elliot was still in a foul mood, so he barely acknowledged her jab with a small smile that disappeared just as quickly as it came. Olivia, on the other hand, was glad to hear the girl teasing Elliot because that meant she hadn't heard the other part of the conversation. Just as that thought slipped through her mind, she heard Kathleen talking again. She pulled away from Olivia and turned to look at her dad.

"I thought I heard Olivia say you were going to do something stupid. What are you going to do that's going to get you killed? What's going on?" She had a concerned look on her face.

"It's nothing. It's under control."

Kathleen looked at Olivia and then back at her dad. "Stop treating me like a little kid. I know what I heard."

A whole new set of concerns flooded Elliot's mind as he realized he had no idea how Manning had found him. _How did he know where he lived? Did he know about Olivia beforehand? Or was it pure chance that she had gone down to his Jeep? Did he know about Kathleen? And what about Maureen and Kathy?_ He looked up at Olivia. "I need to call Cragen."

"And say what?" Olivia asked. "Manning didn't do anything except talk to me." She said, both of them temporarily ignoring Kathleen.

"He threatened you!"

"Not explicitly."

"Will someone tell me what the hell is going on?" Kathleen yelled, trying to make herself be heard.

"What the hell is going on?" a small voice said, followed by a giggle.

Olivia whipped back around and say Elise standing where Kathleen had been a few moments ago. She was obviously mimicking her older sister. Olivia was certain she hadn't been there for the earlier part of the conversation. "Elise Benson!" She said. "You know you aren't allowed to use that word." She really didn't really want to deal with this right now, but she knew if she gave Elise an inch, she'd take a mile. "Besides, you're supposed to be watching a movie in the bedroom while the grown-ups are talking." She said, walking over to her daughter and putting her hands on her shoulders to usher her back down the hall.

"I'm hungry!" she pouted, "Kathleen said she was going to tell you that we needed some food but she didn't come back and my stomach is grumbling LOUD." She dug her hells into the rug, pushing against Olivia's hands. Olivia looked at her watch quickly and saw that it was after 7. _How did it get so late?_ She let out a heavy sigh and looked over at Elliot. They had to resolve this.

Kathleen saw the looks being exchanged and she that something major must be happening. She wanted them to talk to her about it, but she could see they need some time to deal with it. "I'll take Elise out to get something to eat…" she started.

"NO!" Elliot and Olivia said simultaneously. They had both been thinking the same thing. They had no idea if Manning was still out there, and if he knew about Kathleen or Elise.

"What the hell?" Kathleen exclaimed.

"What the …." Elise started.

Olivia squeezed Elise's shoulder. "If you want to ever be 5, you won't finish that sentence." She said. She tugged Elise towards the kitchen. "I'll get a snack to tide her over. She looked at Elliot. "You call Cragen and I'll call for delivery. Then we can talk."

EOEOEOEO

Cragen arrived with Fin about an hour later; just 15 minutes after the delivery man dropped off two pizzas. The had already filled Kathleen in on what was going on, and Elliot asked her to cancel her plans until they could talk to Cragen and figure out a plan. She wasn't happy, but knew it was better to be on the safe side. Elise was safely tucked away in the back bedroom with pizza and her favorite movie. Kathleen had made it clear that she wasn't budging.

Olivia repeated what had happened with Manning to Cragen and Fin, and she saw Elliot get angry all over again. She left out the part about Elliot pinning him against the brick wall and threatening Manning. She figured that would come out if they went to pick him up.

"So we have no idea how Manning knew you lived here." Cragen confirmed.

Elliot shook his head. "My address is unlisted. As is Kathy's. The only thing I can think of is that he tailed me from the precinct. That's the only way he would have known that was my Jeep." He had been thinking about it, and that's the only thing that made sense. If he had known his address, he would have had no knowledge of which car was his. He wouldn't know that Olivia was related to him at all. Which made him feel a bit better because that meant he didn't know anything about his kids or where any of them or Kathy lived. "So when he saw Olivia in my Jeep, he must have been surprised. He probably thought he hit the fucking jackpot because there was no reason for him to know about Olivia before."

"Sounds like it was a good thing you came down when you did." Said Fin.

"I don't think he would have done anything" said Olivia. "He was just trying to get a rise out of Elliot."

Cragen, Fin and Elliot all exchanged knowing glances and it pissed Olivia off. She used to be one of the people in the circle; the one in the know. Were they keeping something from her?

"You think I'm being naïve?" she asked. "Stupid?"

"No. Of course not." Said Cragen.

"This guy's got a hard-on for Elliot." Fin said. "Who knows what he'll do."

"That's why we're not taking any chances. We need to get him off the street." Elliot said.

"Well if we haven't been able to get any solid evidence on this guy, maybe we should set a trap. If he wants to go after me…then let him. I can be the bait." Olivia suggested, without even thinking it through.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" Elliot snapped at her. "No way in hell that's going to happen."

Olivia was glad Elise was in the bedroom again so she didn't hear any more of these outbursts. She hadn't been around this much in her short life, and she didn't need to hear any more swear words.

"Not going to happen." Agreed Fin. "We'll catch him some other way."

"What, so we're going to wait for some other woman to get raped and then hope we get some evidence?" Olivia snapped back. "That's ridiculous. If he didn't leave evidence before, he's not about to start now."

"Olivia." Elliot said through gritted teeth. "We are NOT talking about this. It is NOT an option." He glared at her, as if daring her to bring it up again.

"You can have ten guys tailing me. Put a GPS monitor on me. Whatever. If this guy wants to hurt you, maybe he won't be as careful."

"I can't ask you to do that." Said Cragen. "It's too dangerous. You're a civilian."

"I'm not your average civilian." She said. She could see Elliot clenching his fists in her peripheral vision, and she knew he was waiting for Cragen to shut her down because she wasn't listening to him.

"True, but it would still be dangerous. I can't ask you to do that." He said.

"You're not asking. I'm volunteering." She said, still not looking at Elliot.

Cragen seemed to be considering her proposal and Fin looked surprised. "I don't think it's a good idea." He said. He felt a sense of protectiveness over Olivia as well. "What if we didn't get there in time? She could get hurt."

Elliot couldn't hold it in any longer and said something that was sure to take her offer off the table. "She's not doing it. It's too risky to her. And the baby."

Olivia seethed. _Son of a bitch_. She had been involved in tons of undercover ops before…been in danger plenty of times. She hadn't been out of police work for that long and wanted to help get this guy off the street and now Elliot had effectively squashed any hope of that. How dare he. She knew her limitations.

"Baby?" Cragen and Fin mimicked simultaneously.

Olivia shot Elliot a dirty look. So far, he had managed to tell three people that they hadn't intended to tell tonight. "Being a few weeks pregnant doesn't hinder my ability to do this." She said.

"Pregnant or not, I'm not letting you do this Olivia. Sorry." Cragen said. "I had already made up my mind. It's too risky."

"So what the hell are we supposed to do?" she asked, still steaming. She felt the need to do something about this guy; that familiar drive from her days on the force. In those days, they did what they needed to do; worked as many hours as necessary, to get a guy like this off the streets.

Cragen looked at her and then Elliot. "I'm going to put an undercover car at Kathy's house, just to make sure nothing suspicious is going on there. I'm going to have Fin take Kathleen out the back of the apartment and drive her home, and put a tail on her for a day or so as well. Then we're going to have you take your Jeep Elliot, and you and Olivia head out. If he's still in the area, he'll follow you to see where you're going and to find an opportunity. We'll have an undercover car pick him up then and take him to the precinct, and you two can come back here. Get Elise and go up to Olivia's house. Take Olivia's car. Stay there until I can figure this out."

"But I'm in the middle of this case." Elliot said, starting to protest.

"Fin can pick it up. There's too much at stake. You need to take care of your family." Cragen said. "As of right now, you're on vacation."

Elliot looked at Kathleen. "Are you OK with Fin taking you home or do you want to come to Olivia's with us?" He was really torn about letting her go, but he did feel like Manning probably didn't know of her existence. Maybe having her with him would put her at more risk.

"If you think it's OK Dad, I'll be fine." She said. She stood up. "I'll just grab my stuff."

Elliot walked over and grabbed her arm before she could duck back into the bedroom. "Kathleen. I need you to stay home as much as possible. Go to class and go back to your apartment. At least for a day or two. Don't take any stupid chances and don't be alone. And don't ditch the cop tailing you. OK?"

Kathleen rolled her eyes. "Dad…"

"Promise me." He said, wrapping his hands around her upper arms.

"I promise." She said, folding herself into his chest as he wrapped her in his arms.

"I love you." He said as he released her.

"Same." She said as she walked back to get her purse.

Elliot turned to Fin. "If you see anything out of place…"

"I got her." Said Fin. "Relax. I'm not going to let anything happen to her."

Elliot knew he could trust Fin. They may not get along all of the time, but he always knew he could rely on him for almost anything. "Thanks."

He turned to Cragen. "OK, let's get moving."

Olivia turned to Cragen. "Elise is probably ready to go to bed. Do you want me to put her to bed before we leave?" She smiled, already knowing what the answer was going to be. Don loved to spend time with Elise, and often commented that he loved reading her stories before bed. It was the one time she was quiet and attentive.

"I've got it." He said. "Take the long way to the precinct and see if you can pick up Manning tailing you. Hopefully he does and we can pick him up. Uniforms went to his apartment and he's not there, so if he's not tailing you, we have no idea where he is right now. And that's not good."

"And if he doesn't tail us, what should we do?" Olivia asked. "Stay at the precinct or come back here?"

"Let's cross that bridge when, and if, we come to it." Cragen said. "I have a feeling he's close by."

EOEOEOEO

Elliot and Olivia got safely into the Jeep, trying not to look around and arouse suspicion if Manning was watching. Elliot clicked the door locks right away, insuring there couldn't be a surprise attack. He pulled away from the curb before Olivia could even get her seat belt fastened.

"Slow down or he's never going to have a chance to catch up." Olivia snapped, looking at him sharply.

"I don't like this." Said Elliot. He was really uneasy with Kathleen out of his sight. He had called Kathy and brought her up to speed, and as he was talking to her, a plainclothes cop had shown up. She'd been upset and wanted to drag Kathleen home, but Elliot calmed he as best he could, letting her know that Fin was on the job and a uniform would be there with her before Fin left.

Olivia heard Elliot let out a sound of exasperation. "What's wrong?" she asked, knowing she was probably opening up a can of worms and anticipating a tirade, but unable to stop herself from asking the question.

"I hate this." He said, pounding a fist on the steering wheel.

"We all do." She said. "No one wants a guy like this on the street."

"No, I mean I hate putting everyone I love at risk. It's happened before and it's happening now and it's probably going to happen again." Elliot stared straight ahead as he drove, speaking quietly and calmly.

"It's part of the job." Olivia said. "It sucks but there's not anything you can do about it."

"Sure there is." Elliot said. He hadn't really thought this through, but this entire situation had really gotten to him. "I can quit while I'm ahead. Retire."

"What?!" Olivia asked, a little more loudly than she intended to.

Elliot snuck a glance over at her and saw the incredulous look on her face before he turned his attention back to the road. "I can retire. Do something else. I don't need this anymore."

Olivia shook her head. "Retire?" She couldn't see Elliot being happy doing anything else. But then again, she never expected that she would leave the force. But she did. Of course, those were different circumstances, and she found that at times, like when she'd offered to be bait for Manning, she missed it. The adrenaline that pumped through your body during the chase, the use of her logic and detective skills to see patterns and try to track behavior, her gut reaction to a suspect and the thrill of getting a confession from someone in the interrogation room. "I can't see that. You'd miss it."

"You did it." He said. "And you don't miss it."

"I do sometimes." She confessed. "But then I look at Elise and I realize I sacrificed that for all the right reasons."

Elliot pulled over to the curb and put the car in park. He turned to look at Olivia. "And if I gave this up, it would be for all the right reasons too." He put his hand over hers and interlaced his fingers with hers. "If something happened to you, or Elise, I could never, _ever_ forgive myself. It's not worth it." He looked out the windshield. "Maybe I should have given it up a long time ago." He said, almost wistfully.

Olivia suddenly realized he was dead serious and she felt a small rush at realizing he was talking about giving up the only career he'd ever known…a job he loved…for her. "You're serious." She said.

He looked back at her. "I've never been more serious."

"What would you do?" she asked, wondering if this had been something he had been thinking about for a while, or this was an impulsive decision.

"I don't know." He said. "It's not like I've been thinking about this." He said, unknowingly answering her question. "Does it matter?"

"No, Of course not. It's your decision." She said.

"It's our decision." He said quickly. "I need you on my side."

"I'm always on your side." She said, giving him a smile. "I just don't want to be the one that's forcing you into a decision you're going to regret later." She said, letting him know that it was OK if he changed his mind.

"I'm not going to regret it." He said. "I can honestly look back at my life and say I only have one regret. And that's all the years of indecisiveness that cost me years with you."

Elliot leaned over to give her a kiss when they both saw the flashing lights of a cruiser as it pulled up behind them. Elliot looked back and saw two squad cars surrounding a car parked a few lengths behind them. "Guess he was tailing us. Let's get out of here." He put the car in drive and pulled away, headed back to his apartment, suddenly anxious to talk to Cragen.


	31. Chapter 31

_Hi readers! I know this story took a twist, but I didn't plan it…these stories take their own twists and turns as I write them. I know some don't want Elliot to retire, but it'll be OK. I also wanted to tell you that I'll be traveling for the next two weeks. On one hand, that gives me lots of airplane time to write, but on the other hand, I may not have much free time. So I'll try to update as soon as possible. Thanks for your reviews!_

EOEOEOEO

Olivia pulled the blankets over her body and relaxed into the cool, crisp sheets. It was good to be home. After Manning had been taken into custody, they had driven right back to the apartment. Olivia had gone to pack a few things while Elliot spoke to Cragen briefly. Only a few minutes had passed before he joined her, tossing some clothes in a bag without saying a word. He had gone in the next room and scooped a sleeping Elise out of bed and they had said good-bye to Cragen. It had been a long quiet ride to Connecticut, each lost in their own thoughts.

She shifted in bed slightly and looked over at the clock. She could barely believe it was still Saturday; it was a little before midnight. The events of the past 36 hours ran through her mind: the long, anxious drive to the city, her disappointment at finding Elliot gone, their argument, her subsequent morning escape to Casey's, taking a pregnancy test with Elliot, followed by a run-in with a suspected rapist. It sounded like a bad telenovela. No one could make this shit up.

She watched Elliot walk into the bedroom, clad in his boxer briefs. She smiled slightly, loving his need to check on Elise, despite the fact that they had just put her to bed a few minutes earlier. She saw how tired he looked. His fierce need to protect the people he loved was all-consuming sometimes and she knew it took a toll on him. She watched as he sat down on the end of the bed, his back to her. She watched for a moment, but he didn't say or do anything.

"Everything OK?" she asked.

He shook his head and he turned to face her. "It's been a long couple of days." He said. He saw her lying there and she looked small and vulnerable to him; two traits he didn't usually attribute to her. Maybe it was because she wasn't a cop anymore…didn't have the safety of a firearm and a badge. Maybe it was because he knew she was carrying his child…and she was the mother of his daughter sleeping in the other room. Or maybe it was because he was in so deep…if anything happened to her, it would be the end of him as well. "I don't know how you could have volunteered to set yourself up like that…"

Olivia reached out, touching his hand with hers. "Please…" she whispered. She didn't want to talk anymore. She didn't want to argue. She was tired and the only thing she wanted was to feel the warmth of his body against hers. "I don't want to talk right now. I just want…" She paused, her voice suddenly laden with emotion. Everything that had happened was catching up with her, and most likely hormones were a contributing factor. She felt tears welling on her lower lids and she cursed them. She hated crying.

Elliot saw her tears and he was on the bed in a second. He climbed over her, despite the blankets, and rested on his forearms. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "Shhh." He said, kissing her cheek softly. She closed her eyes, and a few tears escaped her lower lashes. Elliot reached up and swiped his thumb across her cheek, replacing her tears with another soft kiss. Olivia opened her eyes and stared into his, and once again he felt completely overwhelmed. He didn't know how he could have loved her for so long and still be completely blindsided by it in moments like this. "It's OK. We're OK."

"Make love to me." She whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck. She tugged at the blankets and he lifted his body, standing up next to her on the bed. He tugged his boxers down, his erection already forming. His desire for her was a constant. Olivia pulled the blankets back and Elliot saw she was naked beneath. He smiled as his eyes slowly perused her body…and he moved over her as his eyes met hers again. He settled between her legs, and he swiped her hair back from her forehead as he kissed her again. His tongue slid between her lips; it was slow and sweet and he felt her fingertips scrape lightly across his back. Olivia lifted her hips slightly and his erection pressed into her wetness. He moaned lightly against her mouth as he slid inside of her. She arched her back, and he buried himself deeper, his body stilling as she adjusted to him. He moved his mouth from hers, placing kisses on her jawline and down her neck. He started to move then, long, languorous strokes that were pure bliss and pure torture at the same time.

Olivia lifted her hips, meeting him stroke for stroke. The feeling of his full length sliding in and out of her was causing this slow build…it was almost unbearable. She knew her orgasm was going to be intense. It was the way he looked at her…the gentle way he took her…the quiet between them. It was almost more erotic than when they went at each other hard and fast…with lots of foreplay and lack of inhibition…swearing to God at their release, bodies slick with sweat. This was…so much.

She could feel Elliot's heartbeat as his chest pressed against hers. He whispered her name against the skin of her neck and she felt another rush of heat course through her at the tone of his voice…at his hot breath against her skin. She trailed her nails up and down his back, finally sliding her hands over his ass and lifting her hips again, trying to drive him deeper inside of her. She could feel the familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach and she started to tremble, her orgasm starting to build in her body.

Elliot was whispering her name like a mantra while his lips ghosted over her skin. He nipped lightly at her earlobe and she ran her fingers up the side of his hips, feeling the strength of him as he continued to move inside of her.

"Elliot…" she moaned as he moved his mouth to hers. She closed her eyes as he slipped his tongue between her lips and she kissed him back with intensity as she felt herself tumbling towards the edge.

Elliot gasped, breaking the kiss, as her walls contracted around him, trapping him inside of her. Her orgasm triggered his own and he pushed himself up on his forearms slightly as he came. He looked at Olivia and saw she had her eyes closed, and he fell against her body again as he kissed her deeply and passionately, pouring every ounce of feeling into it. As if there were no words and it was the only form of communication between them.

He finally broke the kiss and started down at her, smiling as he looked into her eyes. "I missed you." He said. With all of the craziness, he hadn't realized that he had barely even kissed her in over a week.

"I missed you too." She said, smiling back at him. She was feeling relaxed…sleepy. She closed her eyes again, and thought she could drift off right now, with his body against hers…inside of her. Her eyes popped open as he pulled himself away from her. She felt cold and she pulled him against her again as he lay down next to her. He sat up slightly to grab the blankets and pulled them over both of them. His arm snaked beneath her shoulders and he pulled her body against his, placing a kiss on top of her head as she lay in the crook of his arm. She threw her right leg over his and snuggled in, closing her eyes again.

Elliot trailed his fingers up and down the smooth skin of her back, and he could feel her breathing even out as she started to fall asleep. He started to think about everything that had happened, and realized that they'd barely even been able to talk about, much less celebrate, the fact that they were having a baby. His hand rested on her lower back and he squeezed her gently. "We're having a baby." He whispered into her hair. He didn't get an answer, and he knew she was asleep, but he kept talking anyway, unable to stop. "I know things got messed up before Liv and I'm so sorry that you felt like you had to leave. That you had to go through your pregnancy and birth by yourself. But I'm here now. This time is going to be different. I swear." She stirred against him but her breathing remained slow and steady. "I'm going to marry you Olivia Benson. We're going to watch our children grow up and we're going to grow old and gray…together." He smiled as she let out a small sound in her sleep, and a part of him hoped she had unconsciously heard him. That she felt safe and loved. He wanted to spend the rest of his life making sure she did.

EOEOEOEO

When Olivia got up on Sunday morning, Elliot was gone. She pulled on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt and padded downstairs. As she walked into the kitchen, she saw Elliot sitting on a stool at the island, drinking coffee and talking on the phone. She tried not to eavesdrop, but it didn't take long for her to realized it was Cragen and that they were talking about Manning. Elliot got up and walked into the other room when he saw her, and she wanted to follow him, but she forced herself not to. Instead, she poured herself a glass of orange juice and sat down on the stool he had just vacated. Elliot walked back into the kitchen just a few minutes later and he made a beeline for her.

"Good morning." He said, kissing her on the forehead. He turned and started walking back to the coffee maker to pour himself another cup of coffee.

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "That's all I get? A kiss on the forehead?" she teased. "I might have to rethink this whole thing."

Elliot turned back towards her and smirked. "Rethink this whole thing?"

Olivia shrugged, knowing she was throwing out a challenge that he wouldn't be able to resist. She laughed as he sauntered over, preparing for him to give her a ravaging kiss. But before she knew it, he had his hands on her waist and he was lifting her up on to the counter, positioning himself between her legs.

"Rethink this whole thing?" he repeated as he put his hand on her hips and pulled her body closer to the edge of the counter. He ran one hand through her hair, tangling his fingers in her dark locks as he ran his other hand along her lower back, pressing her intimately against his body. His mouth descended on hers, and he sucked her lower lip between his briefly before he forced her mouth open with his. He tilted her head and kissed her roughly, a complete 180 from his gentle kisses the night before. She moaned against his mouth, starting to get turned on by his behavior. She shuddered lightly as she thought about him pushing her sweatpants down to her ankles and taking her hard right there on the counter. She wrapped her hands around his waist, and ran them under the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it up as she ran her hands against his skin. He broke the kiss and put his arms up as she pulled his shirt up and over his head, and it didn't take more than 30 seconds before he was tugging her sweatshirt over her head, exposing her bare breasts to the cool air. He grasped them in his hands, loving the feel of them in his hands. He tweaked her nipples and she moaned as he kissed his way from her shoulder down to the swell of breasts before taking one into his mouth. Olivia dropped her head back, clenching her thighs around his waist as she felt desire coursing through her body.

"I want you." Elliot choked out, moving his mouth from her breast back to her lips. He tugged at the waistband of her pants, getting impatient. "I need these _off_." He tried to lift her up to pull them down but couldn't get them off. He let out a sound of frustration. "Damn it."

"You shouldn't say that. That's a bad word."

Olivia gasped when she realized it was Elise's voice she heard. She grabbed for her sweatshirt but realized it was on the floor and she crossed her arms over her chest to cover herself. Elliot gave her a quick look before he turned towards the stairs, shielding her body with his. Olivia took that opportunity to grab his t-shirt, which _was_ on the counter, and she pulled it over her head.

Elliot cursed under his breath. How had gotten so carried away that he hadn't even thought about the fact that Elise would be waking up at any moment. And now he was standing here in jeans with a raging hard-on, while her mother was half naked on the counter. He pasted a smile on his face. "Hey sweetheart." he said, watching as she walked down the rest of the stairs. "You're up early."

She brushed her hair from her face (a habit that reminded him of Olivia every time she did it) and gave him a dark look. "I want pancakes." She said, sliding into the booth at the table with her blanket and stuffed dog. She seemed unaffected by what she was seeing, and he was surprised that the normally inquisitive child wasn't asking them a million questions.

Olivia slipped off the counter and walked around Elliot. "I'm not sure if we have stuff to make pancakes but we'll see." She said as she slid in next to Elise. Elise climbed into her lap and straddled her, placing her head against Olivia's shoulder. Olivia looked up at Elliot with surprise at her daughter's behavior. Normally she was full of energy the moment she woke up. She ran her hand up Elise's back and hugged her close, burying her face in her hair. She loved to snuggle with the little girl, and she would take whatever opportunity she could. She placed a kiss on Elise's forehead, and frowned as she pulled away.

"Are you feeling OK?" she asked, murmuring against Elise's hair. Elise didn't respond. Olivia moved her hand up to Elise's forehead. "She feels warm." She said, looking up at Elliot. She shook Elise slightly. "Baby, can you answer me?" she asked, trying to pull Elise from her shoulder. When she still didn't get an answer, she looked up at Elliot again. He was next to her in two strides and he scooped Elise out of Olivia's arms and cradled her like a baby. He saw her eyes were open and she was looking up at him.

"Talk to me." He said, sliding one large hand over her forehead. He looked up at Olivia. "She _is_ warm. Do you have a thermometer?" His kids had been sick a million times, but he still felt a small sense of disquiet every time. He watched as Olivia popped out of the booth and walked over to a cabinet next to the built-in desk. She pulled out a tray and he saw her snatch a thermometer. He looked back down at Elise and realized she wasn't fighting him at all. He puzzled his brow as Olivia slipped the thermometer between her lips.

It beeped 30 seconds later, and Olivia mouthed "101" to Elliot as he watched her. She stroked Elise's forehead, brushing her hair back from her face again. "Honey, we're going to take some medicine." That got a reaction out of her, and Elliot practically dropped her as she struggled when she heard the word medicine. Elliot got a better grasp on her as Olivia got the children's Tylenol.

They spent the next few minutes trying to get some medicine down her throat, and both she and Elliot were wearing some of the liquid by the time they'd gotten the right dose in her. The struggle had taken any energy Elise had, and she slumped in Elliot's arms again.

"Looks like we're going to have a quiet day at home." Elliot said. "Why don't you take her into the living room and get settled in on the couch while I get cleaned up." Oliva nodded and took Elise from him. He watched as they walked into the living room, hoping that the Tylenol worked and it was nothing serious.

EOEOEO

Olivia woke up and it took a minute for her to realize what was going on. She had been watching a movie with Elise and hadn't even realized she had nodded off. She was lying on the couch, and Elise was still snuggled into her body. Elliot must have covered them with a blanket. She looked around, but couldn't see him anywhere from her position. A second later, she heard a sound in the kitchen, and then she saw him walking towards her.

He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "Good morning. Again." He whispered.

"A kiss on the forehead?" she whispered back. "Haven't we been through this?" she said with a smile.

Elliot grinned at her, memories of what almost happened in the kitchen flooding his mind. He leaned in and kissed her on the lips. "Better?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Better."

Elliot leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on Elise's forehead. "She still feels warm to me." He said.

"Yeah, she's like a little furnace up against me here." She looked down at Elise and then back at Elliot. "How long has it been since we gave her Tylenol?"

"It's only been a couple of hours." Elliot said, a look of concern on his face. "Her temperature should have come down." He walked back towards the kitchen. "I'm going to take her temperature again."

Olivia shifted on the couch, trying to get a better look at Elise. Her little cheeks were flushed and Olivia felt a small jolt of fear. She knew she was overreacting, but Elise was rarely sick. In fact, she couldn't really remember more than a stomachache. She didn't think she'd ever had a fever. Olivia looked up as Elliot came back, and he put the thermometer in her mouth. When it beeped, Elliot pulled it from her mouth. He looked at it and then back at Olivia, and she was unsettled by the look on his face. "What is it?"

"102." He said quietly. "It's going in the wrong direction."

"And we can't give her any more Tylenol yet." Olivia whispered.

"Looks like we're making a trip to Urgent Care." Elliot said. He scooped Elise up off the couch. "Go get dressed."

Olivia hopped up off the couch and was upstairs in a flash. She couldn't believe this was happening. After all they'd been through in the past two days…now this? Maybe she would wake up and the last 48 hours will have been a dream. She got dressed as quickly as possible and brushed her teeth in record time. She heard the car engine start and she knew Elliot was already in the car waiting for her. She hoped he wasn't freaking out. He had experience with this; she needed him to be the calm one. She raced down the stairs and hopped into the car. She turned and saw Elise was still asleep in her car seat. Her little face was flushed; her dark lashes stark against her skin. She was clutching her blanket and Olivia's heart skipped a beat. "Hold on." She said. She got out of the car and climbed into the back seat, taking one of Elise's hand in hers.

"OK. Go."


	32. Chapter 32

_Hey readers! So I didn't leave you hanging too long. Got a short chapter written as I sit here in the Seattle airport. I have a 12-hour flight ahead of me, so hopefully there will be another, longer chapter at the other end of that flight. Enjoy._

EOEOEOEOEO

Three hours later and they were back home with a diagnosis of the flu and instructions to keep Elise hydrated and watch for a continued rise in temperature or lethargy. Either one of those meaning a signal to return to the doctor's office. Elise was cranky and Olivia wasn't much better.

"I don't know how they can make that diagnosis in the two minutes he spent looking at her." She griped as they got Elise settled on the couch with her favorite blanket and stuffed dog.

"Kids get the flu Liv. They know what they're talking about." Elliot said, watching as she sat on the edge of the couch and brushed Elise's hair back from her forehead.

"We told him that her temperature kept climbing, even after we gave her Tylenol. He wasn't even listening." She leaned over and kissed her sleeping daughter's forehead. "Maybe we should take her somewhere else."

"It's Sunday. If we were going to take her somewhere else, it would have to be the ER." Elliot said, trying to be patient. He knew she didn't have much experience with sick kids; she was much like he and Kathy had been the first time Maureen had been really sick. That time, Maureen had ended up in the hospital with pneumonia. He decided he would keep that to himself.

"Well maybe the doctors there could at least tell us something." She snapped.

"She's going to be OK. She just needs some rest and some fluids." He said. "And maybe you should get some rest too." He knew she wasn't very far along with her pregnancy, but with her age, he knew they couldn't be too careful.

"I don't need any rest." She said, shooting him a look of annoyance. She knew she was being a bitch, but she had no experience with this, and she wasn't leaving her side. She knew Elliot had more experience at this than her, and that she should be grateful that he was there. If he hadn't been, she probably would have hauled Elise right to the ER.

"OK." Said Elliot, holding his hands up as if he was surrendering. "But you know you have to start thinking about your other baby. All of the stress the past few days isn't good for you."

"I think I can take care of myself." She said sarcastically. "I've been doing just fine all these years on my own." She closed her eyes, knowing that was a low blow, but it was too late now.

Elliot wanted to reply with something equally sarcastic. He knew he could cut her to the bone with one comment, but he also knew she was stressed out and not acting like she normally would. He didn't want to pick a fight. "I know you can take care of yourself. I wasn't saying you couldn't." He walked over and grasped her arm, pulling her up so she was standing next to him. "Do you know that ever since we found out you were pregnant, we've barely even had time to talk about it." They'd had that one hour in bed right after, where they had mostly talked about where to live and when to tell people. "It's starting to sink in now and I just want you to know how excited I am." He pulled her in to his body and he could feel her resistance slowly start to melt as she relaxed into him.

"I could tell when you picked me up in the bathroom and smashed me into the wall." She teased, feeling herself loosen up a little. She sighed as she lay her head on his chest.

"Yeah? Well, that was an accident." He kissed the top of her head. "And I am going to worry about you and your health. There's nothing you can do about that. So you're just going to have to put up with it."

"You mean you're going to be overprotective and try to tell me what to do? I don't know how I'll ever adjust to that." She said sarcastically and she felt a rumble in Elliot's chest as he laughed.

"Funny, Benson. Keep it up." He wrapped his arms around her and hugged her close. "We do have to make a doctor's appointment though. Make sure you get on prenatal vitamins. Find out what else we need to do. At your age…"

Olivia pulled away slightly. "Are you calling me old?" she mocked surprise. "Wow, you really know how to flatter a girl."

"Liv." Elliot said, a smirk on his face. "Work with me here."

"I know El." She said. "I understand all the risks…everything we're up against. That's why we agreed not to tell anyone yet." She said pointedly.

She saw Elliot duck his head slightly. He knew he was responsible for the fact that three people knew now.

"I didn't mean for Kathleen to hear."

"But you told Cragen and Fin on purpose." She pointed out.

"Yeah, well you were going to do something stupid." He protested. He put up a hand. "Let's not do this right now." He said, not wanting to get into this argument again. "They aren't going to tell anyone."

"No, but I'm not sure about Kathleen. You don't think she'll tell her sisters and brother? Or Kathy?" The thought of Kathy finding out bothered her, and she didn't know why. She supposed it had something to do with her pregnancy with Elise and that whole mess. She didn't really know, but she was too preoccupied with Elise to untangle that mess of emotion right now. She pulled away from him completely and moved back to the couch to sit next to Elise again.

"I don't think so. I asked her to keep it to herself, and I think she will. She knows it's not her news to share." Elliot shrugged. "And if she does, there's nothing we can do about it. We'll deal with it."

"I guess." Olivia really hadn't wanted to share the news because she really was worried about her age and the chance of miscarriage. The risk was pretty high, and she wanted to wait to tell people until she made it through the first three months. She did want to get to the doctor and see exactly how far along she was and discuss the things she needed to do to help ensure she carried this baby to term.

"Liv." Elliot said her name quietly and she turned to look at him. "It's all going to be OK. Elise is going to be just fine and the baby is going to be fine. Our little family is going to thrive and we're going to be happy. We deserve it." He smiled broadly at her then, and she couldn't help but believe him.

EOEOEOEO

The next two days went by in a blur.

Elliot had convinced Olivia to go to work after promising he wouldn't leave Elise's side. With her accelerated move plans, she knew she had to talk to her boss and give her notice. She was worried about all of the work that was going to be left undone. She wanted to do as much as she could to insure a smooth transition.

While she was out of the house, Elliot was on the phone with Cragen, discussing the latest updates on Manning. Cragen had put a tail on him, and it seemed pretty clear at this point that Manning had no idea about Kathy or any of his other kids. He had parked himself outside of Elliot's apartment quite a while, but had obviously become frustrated when Elliot (or Olivia) failed to appear. Elliot knew he must have been confused about his Jeep still being parked there, and he was glad they had taken Olivia's car.

He had spoken briefly to Cragen at his apartment about his idea of potential retirement. Cragen hadn't seemed surprised at the time, and he hadn't brought it up again. Neither had Elliot. The idea was still bouncing around in his brain, and while it was a serious consideration, he found he couldn't seem to make a final decision about it. It had seemed so right at the time, when his family was in potential jeopardy, but now that the immediate threat was over it didn't seem as urgent. He knew the idea had blossomed for all the right reasons, but for the life of him, he didn't know what his next move would be. He decided his next priority had to be to help put Manning behind bars, and then to get Olivia and Elise settled in the city. Then he would revisit it.

Elise was slowly getting better, but even he was getting a little worried. She hadn't eaten anything in days now, and he'd been barely able to keep enough liquid in her to stay minimally hydrated. Her normally dark complexion looked pale and pasty; and he could tell she had lost weight. He was glad that they had a follow-up visit with Elise's pediatrician tomorrow. Olivia had scheduled that appointment when she'd made one with her obstetrician for later in the week.

He had Elise on his lap, trying to coax her into drinking a little water, when Olivia walked in the door a little after 5. She looked tired, and his concern ratcheted up a little, remembering how tired Kathy was in her first trimester of all of her pregnancies.

"Hey." He said as she dropped her stuff in the foyer.

"Hey yourself." She said, kicking off her heels. She walked into the living room and smiled as she saw Elise was awake.

"Mommy." Elise said weakly, and Olivia's heart broke at how timid and quiet her normally rambunctious child was.

Elise held out her arms to Olivia and she wasted no time in scooping her off Elliot's lap. She held her close as she sat down on the couch and cradled her daughter, kissing her forehead.

She looked at Elliot. "Did she eat today?" she asked hopefully.

Elliot shook his head.

Olivia looked down at her baby girl and rocked her gently. Elise looked up at her and then closed her eyes as she fell back asleep. "I'm going to lay down with her for a bit." She mouthed to Elliot. She started to stand up, but Elliot put a hand on her shoulder.

"No heavy lifting for you." He said. He'd been reading up on pregnancy on women over 40, and knew some of the precautions they needed to take. Things he wasn't going to take up with her because he knew her obstetrician would. And she would listen to her. He stood up and took Elise from her arms, surprised when he didn't get any argument. He carried her upstairs, and Olivia was right behind him. He lay her down in their bed, and then turned to see Olivia strip down, taking off her skirt and her blouse from work. He felt a stirring in his groin and chastised himself for his thoughts, knowing it was pointless because he couldn't imagine a time when his body wouldn't automatically react to her. He averted his eyes. "I'll be back in a minute."

He went downstairs and poured a fresh glass of water for Olivia and put some water in a sippy cup for Elise. When he came back into the bedroom, he found Olivia in bed with Elise curled up into her. Both of them were sound asleep.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elise had markedly improved on Wednesday, and while she wasn't eating much, she was starting to regain some of her color, and her normal behavior was starting to make a comeback. She charmed everyone at the doctor's office and even sucked her parents into buying her an Ariel doll that she wanted. By Thursday, she was completely back to normal, wreaking havoc as she tore around the house, apparently intent on doing every single thing she had missed out on while she was sick. By Friday, Elliot decided it was time for her to go back to school. Which worked out just fine because he had every intention of going to the doctor with Olivia.

"Daddy, are you taking me to school?" Elise asked as she ate her breakfast. She was very excited to see her friends and she was practically vibrating with energy. "Is it time to go? Now?" she asked.

"In a few minutes, baby." Elliot said, laughing as he answered the question for at least the tenth time. He turned to Olivia. "So I'll just meet you at the doctor's office at 10." He said.

"What?" asked Olivia, taking a sip of orange juice.

"I said, I'll meet you at 10."

"You don't have to come along." She said. In fact, the idea of him coming along with her had never entered her mind. She didn't think she really needed to have Elliot see her dressed in nothing but a paper gown with her feet propped up in the stirrups. She didn't even want to be there for that.

"I know I don't need to. I _want_ to." He said. He wanted to be there to hear the baby's heartbeat and to get all the information first hand. He knew Olivia wouldn't do anything to endanger their baby, but he knew she pushed herself too often. He wanted to make sure he was there to support her…and draw the line if she was doing too much.

Olivia raised an eyebrow at him. She wondered if he had attended all of Kathy's doctor's appointments, knowing full well he probably hadn't. "El, I don't know. It's going to be a full exam…"

"I've seen you naked Olivia."

Olivia gave him a sharp look as she glanced over at Elise. Luckily the little girl was engrossed in some narrative, talking to her Ariel doll.

Elliot smirked at her. "Well, I have." He said. "I'm coming along."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Fine."

"Daddy, it's time to go NOW." Said Elise, scooting out of the booth at the breakfast nook.

Elliot laughed, knowing her patience was gone. He stood up and leaned over, giving Olivia a kiss. "I'll see you at 10."

Elise ran over and gave her mom a quick hug before she ran towards the front door and Olivia heard Elliot telling her to slow down as the front door slammed close behind them. She took a sip of orange juice and considered her doctor's visit. She really wasn't a religious person, but a part of her couldn't help but say a small prayer that everything was going to be OK.

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Elliot was already in the waiting room when Olivia walked in to the doctor's office. She knew she shouldn't have been surprised. He was grinning at her a Cheshire cat, and she smiled back. His excitement was infectious.

She sat down next to him. "You'd never think this is your sixth child." She said. As soon as she said the words, it really hit her. _Six children_. Cripes, the man really was a good Catholic.

He leaned in. "Maybe sixth and seventh." He whispered. He chuckled at the surprised look on her face.

"What?" she gasped.

"We could be having twins. It runs in my family." He chuckled.

That thought had never even occurred to Olivia. It should have. The man already had one set of twins. Why hadn't she thought of that? She wondered what the chances were of someone having two sets of twins. She leaned over. "If I'm having twins, I'm never having sex with you again." She whispered back.

Elliot let out a loud laugh, startling Olivia and getting the attention of the other women in the waiting area. Olivia slapped his arm lightly.

"What are you laughing about?" she asked.

"I know that's an empty threat. You act like I'm the one after you all the time, but you're just as bad. You can't keep your hands off me." He said, a twinkle in his eye.

Olivia slumped down in her chair and looked straight ahead, knowing she didn't have a retort for that. The bastard was right. "Cocky bastard." She whispered, unsure if he heard her or not. From his chuckle, she assumed he did. She didn't hear what he said next because right now, she was trying not to panic at the thought of having twins. With the way things had been going lately…she thought it might be a very real possibility. Whoever was orchestrating the events of her life seemed to enjoy throwing curveballs her way…


	33. Chapter 33

_Hi readers! Another short update but I figured it's better to get some updates out vs. making you wait. Oh, and by the way, Thailand is lovely but it is HOT. 106F today. Hope you enjoy. Thanks!_

Olivia was ready to strangle Elliot by the time they left the doctor's office. Elliot started things out by introducing himself as the baby daddy (before she could introduce him appropriately). Then he had a good laugh when the doctor told her that the increased likelihood of having twins comes from the maternal side of the family (although the doctor confirmed you can never rule it out). And then he topped if off by asking embarrassing questions about their sex life when the doctor gave her a list of precautions due to her _advanced maternal age_. A term she was going to have to get used to from the sound of it.

The only good thing that came out of the visit was that she got confirmation that she was, indeed, pregnant. And that she could schedule an ultrasound in the next few weeks so they could get a good look at how the baby was developing and get a more precise date of conception. Thanks to the craziness of the past few months, she couldn't quite remember when she had actually thrown her birth control pills away, nor could she say she'd been really consistent in taking them prior to that time.

"What's wrong?" he asked as she strode out of the office after making her next appointment.

"I can't believe you." She started. "Why did you introduce yourself like that?"

"The doctor thought it was funny. And I _am_ the daddy." He said with a chuckle.

"And why did you make me think I could be having twins?" she said, continuing without responding to his last answer. She kept walking briskly, not even looking at him as he stroked next to her.

"Hey, it's not my fault you didn't pay attention in biology class." He replied. "Besides, because of your advanced maternal age, your likelihood does increase slightly."

Olivia stopped dead in her tracks and Elliot was a few steps ahead before he realized it. He turned to face her and saw she had narrowed her eyes, staring right at him. "It is so important to the future of this relationship that you not use that term." She was annoyed about it already. It made her feel older than she already felt; made her feel like she was crazy for having another baby. "And for your information, I did not fail biology. It's just not one of the details I decided to retain." She walked up to where he stood and jabbed him in the chest. "And you're a shit for telling me in the first place. And then for not telling me you were joking." She started walking again, anxious to get out of there.

"Liv." Elliot said, walking fast to catch up with her again. "Cut me some slack. I guess I forgot how touchy pregnant women can be." As soon as he said it, he knew he'd said the wrong thing again. Because even if it was true, he'd forgotten the cardinal rule. _Hormones mean normal rules don't apply_. Olivia usually took as good as she could give…but now it was a whole new ball game.

He caught her upper arm and stopped her. "Liv." He came around so he was standing in front of her. He swiped her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. "Hey, I'm sorry." He ducked down to look into her eyes. "I didn't mean to upset you."

She considered him for a minute before she dropped her eyes to the ground. "I don't know what we were thinking. I'm too old to have a baby." She looked back up at him again. "Did you hear what she said about all of the risks? All the things that could go wrong?"

Elliot put his hands on her shoulders and squeezed gently. "Nothing's going to go wrong." He said. "I promise you everything's going to be OK."

"You can't promise me that." She said sadly.

Elliot hesitated because he wanted to make her feel better, but he knew she was going to accept empty words. "You're right. I can't promise you that. But we'll take what comes. One day at a time." He brushed her cheek with his hand. "We're in this together." He gave her a quick hug and then pulled back. "OK?"

Olivia nodded. "OK." Elliot's reassurances weren't anything new; anything she hadn't thought of herself. But it was good to hear it from him.

EOEOEOEO

They were sitting at lunch when Olivia decided to broach the subject with him.

"So. Are you serious about retiring?" she asked. She could tell she had caught him off guard with the question.

"I dunno." He said. "Yes. I mean…I was. I don't know." He said, looking back down at his glass of ice water sitting on the table in front of him.

"Well, sounds like you've made up your mind." She teased, trying to keep the conversation light, but it fell flat.

He looked up at her. "I hate what happened with Manning. I hate having these scumbags in my life, threatening my family."

"He didn't do anything to me Elliot. I heard a lot worse when I was on the job." She said, trying to let him know that she didn't feel threatened. Well, not much.

"But he's out there Liv. And you don't know what could happen."

"Cragen's got a tail on him. They're going to get him." She said.

Elliot looked down at his glass again, rolling it between his hands.

"El?" She put one hand over his, stopping the movement. "Right?"

Elliot shook his head. "They lost him. He slipped surveillance. They don't know where he is."

Olivia sat back in her seat, realizing that Elliot had known this and hadn't told her. More of his overprotective bullshit. "When did this happen?"

Elliot shrugged. A clear indication he didn't want to tell her.

"You're unbelievable." She said, anger lacing her tone. She leaned forward again. "When did I become this fragile, incapable woman that needs protecting? You used to consider me an equal. The person that had your back. I could kick your ass and probably still can. I was a better shot than you. I don't need you to protect me."

"I've always had your back Liv. You know that."

"That's different. This is different. You're purposefully keeping things from me. Like I can't handle it. What did you think was going to happen? That you'd tell me about Manning and I'd break down into hysterics?"

"No! That's not what I thought. What I think." He said. He really had no defense. He couldn't explain why he hadn't told her when Cragen called him and broke the news.

"I'm thinking about rejoining the force." She said. She knew this was a bombshell, and she'd been trying to decide how to broach the subject with him. Asking him about his plans to retire had been her original tactic, but now that was all blown to hell so she just dove in. They were already arguing so might as well keep going.

"What?!" Elliot visibly reacted to the quick change in topic. He could barely believe what he was hearing. He was just talking about all the scum he dealt with and how he was tired of it interfering with his life, and now she was talking about going back to that life? He couldn't be hearing her correctly. "What are you talking about?"

She waited a beat to see if there was going to be anymore outbursts from him before she proceeded. "I've been thinking about what to do when we move back to the city. I miss being a cop El. It was challenging and I like chasing down perps…trying to figure them out and taking them down."

"I don't think being pregnant is conducive to chasing down perps in the street. That's crazy." He said.

"Thanks for your support." She said wryly. She had expected the conversation to go like this, so she wasn't really surprised at his reaction.

"I just don't think you've thought this through. You can't be serious."

"You're right, I haven't thought about it at all. That's usually how I operate. I just do crazy things without thinking about the consequences."

Elliot noted her sarcasm, because they both joked constantly over the course of their partnership and their relationship about her tendency to overanalyze every situation. He realized she had probably been thinking about it for a while. He let out a sigh and leaned back in the booth. "OK. Tell me what you're thinking." He knew he had to hear her out before he shot down her plans.

"Thank you." She said, a hint of sarcasm still in her tone. She knew he was already thinking about how to talk her out of it, so she hoped he was listening. "When I left, I underestimated how much I was going to miss the job. I always thought I'd had enough for a lifetime. But I realized that even though we saw so much depravity day in and day out, there was something fulfilling about taking down the perps. It was a challenge to get inside their minds and profile them. Something exciting about interrogating them and getting them to break. To see them sent away for what they did." She paused a moment while their waitress delivered their food. Neither one of them touched their food as she continued. She could tell Elliot was itching to interrupt her but he didn't. "When we first decided to move back to the city, I thought I'd try to find a job doing what I'm doing now. But then I really thought about it, and I looked into options for returning to the NYPD. It's in my blood. I'm good at it."

Elliot couldn't hold back any longer. "You can't possible think about going back to SVU. We can't be partners any longer."

"You're not listening to me. I didn't say I wanted to return to police work because I missed being partners with you." There was a part of her that wondered what it would be like to go to being a cop and not have him at her side every day but that wasn't a deal breaker. "Besides, I probably won't have a partner. I'm not going to go back to being a cop on the street. Not SVU or vice or homicide or narcotics. I'm thinking of doing something else. Like Computer Crimes or Community Affairs." Olivia looked at Elliot and could see a puzzled look on his face.

"Community Affairs?" He was trying to keep up with what she was saying, because he'd been fairly focused on trying to talk her out of going back to SVU. "You said Community Affairs?"

She prepared to defend herself because when they were in SVU, they used to make fun of that group, but before she could say anything, he spoke up again.

"Community Affairs would be good." He said. He was caught up now; she didn't want to be chasing down suspects and putting herself in the line of fire. He didn't care where she worked as long as it was behind a desk…or a microphone.

"I don't know exactly what I'm going to do. I just threw that out as an example." She said. "I was still trying to decide if that's what I wanted to do, so I haven't really looked at all of the options yet."

Elliot nodded. "I think you'd be good at that."

"Don't patronize me Elliot." She said, still ticked off at his original objection.

"I'm not." He said. "I do think you'd be good at that. Or Computer Crimes could be good too." He really thought she would be good at either one. She had a knack in talking to people and she was smart as hell.

"So you'll support me going back to the NYPD, but you'll need to approve the kind of work I'm going to be doing." She said snidely. Even though she had already decided she wasn't going to go back on the street, she felt he should support her in whatever she wanted to do.

He shook his head. "I didn't say that."

"But you did. If I said I was going to go back to SVU, what were you doing to do?" she asked.

Elliot pressed his lips together. "I can't be concerned about your safety?"

"Of course you can. But I need to know that you'll support me in what I want to do." She leaned back towards him. "If I had said I wanted to go back to SVU, you would have told me no. Like you get final say."

That was what was at the crux of this for Olivia. She loved Elliot…she was happy they were together, but this intense need to protect her didn't mean he got to dictate what she did. She had lived a long time on her own, making her own decisions. She needed a partner…not a bodyguard.

"Liv." Elliot started, not sure of what to say. He wanted to support any decision she wanted to make, but he knew he would have almost forbid her from returning to any kind of dangerous police work. He wouldn't have been able to help it. His fear of losing her was too great.

Olivia softened a bit; she knew exactly what was going through his head right now. "You don't think I worry about you getting hurt…or worse…every time you walk out that door and go to work?" she asked quietly. "When I left SVU, I thought about it every day. It's one thing when I could be there, covering your six, but when I didn't know who you were partnered with, it was hell. I waited for a call from Cragen. I felt like it was inevitable."

Elliot felt the tension leave his body when he heard what she said. He knew exactly how she felt because he had hated it when she would go out with Fin or Munch…with anyone except him. And he was relatively close…able to be there in a moment if shit hit the fan. He could only imagine how she felt. "Maybe I should retire." He said. "Or at least leave SVU." He reached for her hand that was still resting on the table, beside her uneaten food. "Maybe I could go into Community Affairs." He joked.

Olivia cocked her head. "Funny."

"I support you Liv. You know I do. I just…"

"I know." She didn't need to hear him say it. She knew he was always going to act as her own private security force, but she felt like he had finally heard her. So maybe, just maybe, he would take it back a notch.

"So, maybe we can start looking at options. For both of us." He offered.

"I'd like that." She said, suddenly more excited than she had been before about getting her badge back.

Elliot poked at his cold burger sitting on the plate in front of him and made a face. "Maybe we should order some new food." He said.

Olivia got a small smile on her face. "I'm really not that hungry." She said, pushing the plate back towards the middle of the table. "But…you know Elise is at school. So maybe we could go home and celebrate our decision…and then later on, you can serve me lunch in bed."

Elliot smiled. "That's a decision I can support."


	34. Chapter 34

Elliot drove to Olivia's house as quickly as he thought he could get away with and not get pulled over. He kept stealing glances at Olivia, and could see that she was just as anxious to get home as he was. It had been along week, and Elise being sick meant she had shared their bed. They hadn't really had many moments to themselves, and Elliot was really looking forward to a long afternoon together. They had at least three hours before they had to pick Elise up from school.

His cell phone rang and he glanced quickly at the caller ID. Kathy. _Shit_. He didn't want to answer it. He knew that anytime she called, it could very well be the end of whatever plans he had. But he always erred on the side of caution because she could be calling about some urgent issue with one of the kids. He looked over at Olivia, and saw she was watching to see what he was going to do. He grimaced and looked away, taking the call.

"Hey Kathy." He said when he answered.

"So, were you going to share the happy news or do I have to find out everything from the kids?" she asked sarcastically.

Elliot groaned inwardly. He knew exactly what she was referencing. Obviously Kathleen hadn't understood when they said they wanted to keep it to themselves for a while.

"I wasn't keeping it from you Kathy. We aren't telling anyone yet." He wanted to tell her that it really shouldn't matter to her; that it didn't impact her and he wasn't compelled to tell her anything. But he knew she still harbored resentment for Olivia…just as he knew that the news of another baby was going to upset her. It was why he had planned on putting off telling her for as long as possible. He didn't want to give her any more reasons to dislike Olivia.

"Well, it seems that Kathleen, Elizabeth and Dick know. So it certainly seems like you're telling people."

"Kathleen found out by accident." He said. "And I asked her to keep it to herself." He looked over at Olivia and saw a look of frustration on her face. They had discussed containing the news due to the risks involved, and now the news was apparently spreading. Practically everyone in their small circle of friends, family and colleagues knew at this point.

Olivia lay her head back against the headrest of the car and let out a long, slow sigh. Hearing him talk with Kathy about this was definitely a mood killer. So much for their celebration when they got home. She looked over at Elliot, hoping he would get her off the phone quickly so they could salvage their afternoon, but she could see he was getting worked up. She could already see Elliot's jaw was clenching; she could see the muscles there twitching. She wasn't sure what Kathy was saying on the other end of the line, but whatever it was, it was making Elliot angry.

"Really Elliot? Another baby? You don't have time for the kids you have." Kathy said.

"Don't start with that Kathy. I try to see the kids as often as I can. But they're practically grown and they have lives of their own." He snapped back. "Besides, since Olivia's been back in my life and they found out they have a little sister, I've seen more of Kathleen and Elizabeth in the past few months than I have in the past year. So don't give me that shit." Elliot really didn't want to argue with her. He knew it wasn't going to end well. It never did. But he was tired of her bullshit where Olivia was concerned. "This has nothing to do with you Kathy."

"Nothing to do with me?" she gasped. "I…" She didn't finish her sentence and Elliot knew that she realized he was right.

"I was going to tell you Kathy. But we really wanted to keep this quiet for a while. You know all the risks associated with this pregnancy." He said, trying to be calm. He glanced over at Olivia again and saw she was looking out the window, seemingly ignoring the conversation. He knew that was an illusion. She couldn't help but hear every word he said. "Listen, is that really why you called? Because I'm in the middle of something. Can we talk later?"

Olivia looked back at him as he reconfirmed he would call her later and hung up the phone. "Let me guess. She's overjoyed at the news."

"It doesn't matter what she thinks. You know that." He said.

"Sometimes I feel like we're right back where we were five years ago." She said, staring back out the window as they wound through the side streets close to her house.

Elliot snagged her hand. "We are nowhere near where we were five years ago. Please let it go." They pulled into the driveway and Elliot hopped out of the car quickly. He moved around to the other side and was there as Olivia got out. He shut the car door behind her and then pushed his body gently against hers, trapping her between him and the door. He swept her hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear. "Listen to me. I don't give a damn what Kathy thinks. At all. I'm excited we're having a baby and you're excited…and we're the only two people that matter. OK?" He leaned down slightly and gave her a small smile. "OK?"

Olivia nodded. "OK."

"And I'll be damned if I'm going to let Kathy ruin this afternoon." He leaned in close. "In fact, if we don't get into that house in the next few minutes, I'm going to be stripping you out of those clothes right here in your driveway."

The tone of his voice and his hot breath in her ear almost made her moan, and Kathy was forgotten. She moved her mouth closer to his, grasped his bottom lip between her teeth and bit down lightly.

He grunted at the sharp sting, but then closed his mouth over hers. His hands grasped her hips as he pressed her intimately against the car. She did let out a moan then, and it went straight to his groin. He wanted her…now. He had hoped to prolong the slow tease, but his patience was gone. If he even had any to begin with. He released her mouth and grabbed her hands with his, tugging her towards the front door. He moved behind her, his hands wrapping around her stomach and snaking beneath the hem of her shirt as she fumbled with the keys. She gasped audibly as his hands moved up beneath her breasts, cupping them in his hands and squeezing gently. He pressed against her, hoping to impart a sense of urgency but it only made her struggle to open the door more.

"I'm going to take you right here, right now, if you don't get that door open."

Olivia laughed lightly at his comment, knowing it was an idle threat. Sex crimes detectives don't usually have sex in public. Sensing his desperation to get inside the house…and inside of her…she knew she was in complete control. He was at her mercy and she was going to enjoy teasing him. It would be payback for his antics at the doctor this morning.

She slid the key in the lock but jiggled it a little. "This door just won't open." she said, pretending to struggle with it.

Elliot growled in her ear. "Are you joking right now?" He pressed against her again, his erection long and hard against her ass. "You'd better figure it out." He slipped his hands back down her stomach and went to the waistband of her jeans. "I meant what I said."

Olivia batted his hands away as he opened the button of her jeans and went for the zipper. "Neighbors are going to see you." She hissed.

"Then get the damn door open." He rasped, pressing his lips against the nape of her neck.

She jostled the keys, now really struggling to get the door open because Elliot was distracting her. She pushed back against him with her ass but he held himself tight against her. "Knock it off." She said with a laugh, finally getting the door open. With Elliot pressed against her, they both practically fell through the door, and they were both laughing as they slammed the door shut behind them.

Elliot grabbed her by the elbow and swung her around, pressing her back against the door. He cupped her face with his hands and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "Do you have any idea how crazy I am about you?" he asked. "And how crazy you make me?" His lips dropped to her neck and he peppered her skin with kisses. "I feel like I can never get enough of you." He murmured against her skin. "Never."

Olivia let her head fall back against the door; any plans for payback long gone as he kissed his way down her neck and chest, dipping his tongue into the deep V of her cleavage. "Upstairs." She moaned, raking her fingers through his short hair.

Elliot wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her against him. "What's wrong with right here?" he said, nipping lightly at her skin. He was joking; he had every intension of getting her into bed. They had hours ahead of them and the wall just wasn't going to cut it today.

Olivia pushed her arms against his chest and he released her. She pulled the hem of her t-shirt up and over her head as she headed for the stairs. "First one upstairs gets to be on top." She said, starting to take the steps two at a time.

Elliot took off after her. "If we do this right, we're both going to have a chance to be on top." He caught up with her near the top of the stairs and wrapped his arm around her waist again, hauling her against his body. He buried his face in her neck and squeezed her ass with his free hand. "We both win."

They both stumbled into the bedroom, each of them shedding their remaining clothes until they fell naked in a tangled heap on the bed. Elliot rolled her over on her back and covered her body with his, knocking her knees apart with his. He nestled in the crevice of her hips while his mouth descended on hers. He kissed her deeply, sliding his tongue between her lips and eliciting a moan as he rocked against her core.

Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, her breasts pressed against the hard planes of his chest. Her tongue tangled with his and she lifted her hips up slightly, wanting him to slide deep inside of her. She was ready for him; she didn't need foreplay today.

Elliot nipped at her lips before he released her mouth. He placed kisses along her jaw and then moved his mouth to her neck, sucking and nipping at the sensitive skin there.

"Elliot." She moaned as he slid his erection between her slick folds. "Fuuuuuck."

He trailed his tongue down along the shell of her ear and then down her neck, stopping at the swell of her breasts. She dug her fingernails into his shoulders as he took one in his mouth, biting lightly on her erect nipple.

Olivia's hips bucked up again. Her breasts were so sensitive and she thought she might come from his tongue and the way he was sliding his cock back and forth between her folds; slick with her wetness. She arched her back as he moved to her other breast and she could feel the sensations rocking through her body. His hands traced the curve of her hip as he continued his leisurely tease. She mingled his name with curse words; the bastard knew how to play her body. Ten minutes after he kissed her, he had her writhing beneath him and begging for relief.

"Please." She whispered.

Elliot released her breast and moved his mouth back to hers. She wrapped her hand around the back of his head and kissed him deeply, and she felt him shift slightly. He teased her entrance and she lifted her hips up to meet him, encouraging him take her. He didn't need another invitation. He pushed past her bodies resistance and slid inside, her walls tight around him. He moaned at the sensation; he swore that every time he moved inside of her, it felt like the first time. He pulled out slightly, and then fucked into her again, burying himself deep inside of her. They both moaned, enjoying the feeling of the bodies joined together, and Olivia wrapped her long legs around him, lifting her hips off the bed to take in that last inch.

Elliot's head dropped down. "Fuck." He started to move then. Long, hard strokes. The sound of their bodies meeting with each thrust mingling with their moans. He felt her walls clenching around him and he quickened the pace, knowing neither one of the was going to last long. It was always this way the first time, as if any time apart had been too long. The second round was always more of a slow burn…and with the afternoon ahead of him, he was hoping there would be more than two chances to feel her shatter around him.

"C'mon Liv. Let go." He whispered, feeling her trembling beneath him and around him. He felt her muscles clench and he kept up his punishing rhythm. He felt her body stiffen as her fingernails dug into the skin of his back and she yelled his name as her orgasm tore through her. She was gasping for breath and raking her nails down his back as he released himself inside of her. His forehead dropped against her chest and he grunted as the final spasms rocked through him. He stopped moving and collapsed slightly against her body, careful not to crush her.

"God, I love you." He whispered in her ear and then buried his face in her hair. "So much."

"I love you too." She said softly, dropping her legs. She pushed up slightly. "But I need you to move." She said softly, the stretch in her thighs a little too much.

Elliot pulled out of her quickly and dropped to her side. She straightened out her legs, shaking them to loosen them up slightly. "It's OK."

Elliot splayed a palm across her stomach. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Olivia laughed. "You didn't hurt me. My thighs were just cramping up a bit. I guess I haven't been to the gym enough lately." She joked.

"You don't need the gym." He said, running his fingers in a random pattern across her skin. "I'll give you all the workout you need." He ran his hands up to her breast and tweaked her nipple. "Roll over."

"What?" she asked, initially confused by his request.

Elliot nudged her with his hip. "Roll over. I'm going to give you a massage."

She smirked. "Is that what we're calling it now?" Truth was, even though it wasn't the most intimate of positions, she loved when Elliot took her from behind. The angle hit her in places that no other position did, and he went deeper and fucked her harder. Her orgasms were intense; mind-blowing. She gave him a sly smile as she rolled over slowly, crossing her arms and laying her head against them. She stretched out her legs and closed her eyes, but then she felt the bed lift as Elliot got off. She was about to ask him where he thought he was going when she felt the bed dip under his weight again. The next thing she knew, she felt Elliot's hands on her back, and she could smell the scent of her favorite lotion.

He smoothed his hands across her shoulders, applying light pressure as he massaged the lotion into her skin. He heard her moan lightly and he felt her relax slightly. He added more lotion, and moved down her back, kneading the skin lightly.

"That feels wonderful." Olivia said, her voice almost a moan. "Don't stop."

He kept moving down her body, sliding down her lower back until he got to her ass. He placed a kiss on each of her cheeks before he applied more lotion, squeezing the flesh there and feeling himself starting to get aroused again. "God, you have the best ass Liv." He said, his voice almost reverent.

She lifted her hips off the bed and wiggled her ass slightly and he laughed, recalling how many times he had been busted watching her as she walked away from him.

He put some more lotions on his hands and smoothed his hands down the back of her thighs. He applied more pressure as he massaged the muscles there, since she had complained about cramping. When he had given her upper thighs a good workout, he slid his hands down towards her inner thighs. "Feeling relaxed?" he asked.

"Hmmm." She murmured.

"Are you sleeping?" he asked. He hoped not because he was hard as hell again.

"No." she whispered, wiggling her ass at him again. "But I am relaxed." She said, letting out a slow sigh. "That felt so good."

Elliot pushed himself up on his knees and pushed her legs apart as he knelt between them. He leaned over, bracing one arm on either side of her. He placed a gentle kiss on each of her shoulders, and then slowly kissed his way down her spine, feeling her muscles twitch with each kiss. He reached the small of her back, and placed large, open mouthed kisses from one side to the other. He lifted his head. "Are you ready for me?" he asked. He slid one hand over he ass and then down between her legs. He could feel the slickness there from her earlier orgasm, mixed now with his release. He slid two fingers inside of her slowly and she clenched around him, letting out a long, low moan.

"I want you inside of me." She said, her voice husky with desire.

Elliot pulled his fingers from her body and slid an arm underneath. He pulled up hips up off the bed and settled Olivia on her knees. She spread her legs slightly, anxiously anticipating his hardness penetrating her from this angle. She moaned at the thought of it and lifted her head to look back at him. "Elliot." She said, her voice barely a whisper. She watched as he fisted his cock and lined himself up with her and she turned back, dropping her head back down. She felt him then, and she let out one long, low moan as he filled her completely…slowly…savoring every inch until his hips were flush with her ass. Her moan was one long, continuous hum as they both adjusted to the feeling. Elliot grasped her hips hard, and she wondered fleetingly if she would have fingertip shaped bruises in their wake. He started moving then and Olivia felt overwhelmed by the feeling of him, and the anticipation of the orgasm that was going to send her into oblivion.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia woke some time later, and realized Elliot wasn't in bed with her. She was still naked, and could feel the solid ache between her legs from their afternoon together. She looked at the clock and saw it was almost six.

 _Elise._

She hadn't picked her up from school. She was a horrible mother.

She sat up quickly, already making a plan for the quickest way to get there, when she heard Elise laugh. The sound was coming from downstairs, and she knew Elliot must have gone and picked her up. She had no idea how she could have possibly slept long enough for Elliot to get cleaned up, drive to school and be back already. She must have been more tired than she realized.

She slid her legs out of bed and walked into the bathroom. She was going to take a nice long hot shower before she went to see what her family was up to downstairs.


	35. Chapter 35

_Hi readers! My last day here in Thailand. I'm anxious to get home. The heat here is almost unbearable, but it is beautiful. I've been fortunate to have some time to get some writing done, so sorry if the chapters are shorter, but I'm posting when I can. Thanks for continuing to read and for your reviews!_

EOEOEOEO

Olivia came down the back stairs into the kitchen and saw remnants of a pizza on the table in front of Elliot and Elise. Her daughter stood up on the bench when she saw her mother and held out her arms for a hug and a kiss.

Olivia gently circled her hands around Elise's wrist before she could get any pizza sauce on her and kissed her nose. "You're a mess!" she said, laughing as she sat down next to her daughter. Before she could say another word, Elise plopped down next to her and started talking.

"I told Daddy that if we got pizza for dinner than I would eat _two_ vegetables with dinner tomorrow." Elise started in.

Olivia raised an eyebrow and looked over at Elliot. "And you fell for that?" she asked.

Elliot shrugged. "I was too tired to cook." He winked at her as he said it, knowing she wouldn't be able to argue with that since she'd just finished a long nap.

"Daddy said we don't have to have a vegetable with every meal. I told him that's not the rule but he said maybe we don't have to follow all the rules all the time and I told him that you're not going to like it and he said sometimes you need to light up…."

"I need to lighten up?" Olivia repeated, shooting another look at Elliot. "Is that what he said?"

Elise shrugged, obviously not understanding what that meant. "I told him…"

"Hey bug." Elliot said, reaching out towards Elise. "Remember we said we don't have to tell Mommy everything that we talk about?"

Elise laughed. "Mommy says to always tell the truth or she'll find out."

Olivia smirked, happy to hear that the things she was teaching Elise were sinking in, and watched the expression on Elliot's face as the two of them smiled sweetly back at him.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He said, chuckling. "I guess I'll have to be more careful about what I say."

"I guess you do. Now, do we have to go over the rules?" she teased.

"It's OK Mommy." Elise assured her, as if she was the parent and got to decide what was OK and what was not. "I 'splained the rules to him."

Olivia shook her head. Once again, she was amazed by this little person in front of her; and scared as hell at what she was going to be like as she got older. She looked across at Elliot and saw he was still smiling as he took a drink of the beer in front of him. She lifted an eyebrow in question, silently asking him if now was the time. She and Elliot had talked earlier in the week about the need to discuss all of the upcoming changes with their daughter, and tonight was going to have to be the night since they had decided to spend the weekend packing up the rest of their things and effectively moving back to Elliot's.

Elliot picked up on her thoughts and shook his head. He stood up and stretched his arms towards Elise. "Let's get you cleaned up so you can go play. Mommy and I have to talk."

A small pout formed on Elise's face. "I want to talk." She said.

Olivia covered a small smile with her hand. Apparently Elise didn't like the idea of being dismissed. She was anxious to see how Elliot was going to handle it, since she could see Elise was in the mood to dig her heels in.

"This is grown-up talk and you'll be really bored." He said, trying to pick her up from where she was sitting. Elise squirmed out of his grasp and scooted farther back in the booth so Elliot couldn't reach her. She crossed her arms and scowled at Elliot and Olivia had to look away so she didn't laugh.

Elliot caught her eyes though. "Kid had a mind of her own." He muttered and she wasn't sure if that was directed at her or if he was talking to himself.

"El." He said firmly. "Mommy and I need to talk…alone. Now you can go play for a while or we can discuss canceling the movie we had planned for tonight. Your choice."

"I don't like those choices." She said, her little mouth set in determination.

Elliot stood his ground and didn't say a word and Olivia knew that Elise was considering if there was any room for negotiation. After almost a full minute, she crawled towards Olivia and climbed onto her lap. "Mommy I want to stay with you." She said as she wrapped her arms around her neck.

Olivia looked up at Elliot, a smile on her lips. This child was not only stubborn, but a master at manipulation. She gave Elise a quick hug, knowing she probably had pizza sauce all over her shirt now. "Daddy gave you your choices hon. It's up to you." Elise pulled back and looked up at Olivia, giving her the most pitiful look she could muster, trying to pluck at her heart strings and get her to let her stay.

"Three seconds El." Elliot said. "Three seconds or the movie is gone." He knew Olivia wouldn't cave, but he was tiring of this game. "1…"

"Mommy." Elise said, putting one hand on each cheek, leaving a greasy smear.

Olivia almost gave in then, even though she knew her daughter was manipulating her. It was hard to look into those eyes and that pleading look and not melt.

"2…"

Olivia shook her head. "This is between you and Daddy." She said.

The pout returned on Elise's face and Olivia knew she understood the gig was up. "Fine." She said with as much force as her little body could muster. She slid off Olivia's lap and stood up next to her. "But I'm not going to be happy." She said.

It was all Olivia could do not to laugh. Fortunately, Elliot scooped her up and set up on the center island. "Let's get those hands and that face cleaned up before you go."

He washed her hands and face and she squirmed on the counter. Olivia could tell she was trying to hold on to her anger at the situation, but it was just a minute later that Elliot got a giggle out of her as he made exaggerated effort to clean his own face and hands. He lifted her off the counter and she ran into the living room and Olivia could hear her dragging her toys out of the chest while she sang some silly song.

Elliot turned back to Olivia. "What can I get you to eat?" he asked.

"I thought you were going to serve me lunch in bed."

"Yeah, well you fell asleep on me…so no lunch in bed." He said with a smirk.

Olivia raised both eyebrows. "You act like I fell asleep before you got any…"

"Got any? Nice."

"I'm just saying. You seemed pretty happy before I fell asleep."

Elliot smirked as he moved towards her. He scooted into the booth, forcing her to move over. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders, while his other hand rested on her upper thigh. "I was happy." He said, nuzzling her hair. "But I always want more…" His hand slid down her inner thigh. "Always." He whispered into her ear.

Olivia shook her head and placed her hand over his, stopping him from reaching his intended target. "Your daughter is in the next room." She said quietly.

"She's busy." He said, trailing his tongue along the shell of her ear.

Olivia turned her head and kissed him. "How about we save this for later? When we're sure we won't have any interruptions." Elise had already walked in on them a couple of times and she didn't want that to happen again.

Elliot let out a frustrated sigh, rolling his eyes theatrically as he pulled away from her. "Fine." He stood up. "OK, what do you want to eat?"

"I'm not really hungry right now."

"You didn't eat lunch. You need to eat something." He said, walking towards the refrigerator. "I'll make you some eggs."

"I said I'm not hungry." She said, a little more forcefully. "I don't want any eggs."

"Liv…you have to eat. Remember what the doctor said."

"Stop! I don't need you to tell me what I need to do." She snapped.

Elliot slammed the door of the refrigerator closed. "Fine." He snapped back, staring at the door. He took a deep breath, not wanting to argue and ruin what had been a great afternoon. "Fine." He said in a calmer voice as he turned to face her. He walked back to the booth and sat down across from her and he saw her relax again. He handed her a napkin. "Elise left some pizza sauce on your face."

"Thanks." She swiped at her cheeks with the napkin. "So why didn't you want to talk to Elise? I thought we agreed that we were going to tell her about moving into your apartment until we find a new place."

Elliot looked down at his beer and then looked back up at her. "I know we talked about moving most of your stuff this weekend and making it final next weekend, but I'm not sure that's still a good idea with Manning on the loose."

"I don't want to change our plans because of one idle threat." She said, frustrated by his last minute change to the plans they had discussed.

"How do you know it's an idle threat? I think you're underestimating him."

"And I think you're giving him too much credit." She retorted. "I already gave notice at work and at Elise's school. Next week is our last week. I can't undo that now."

"So don't. Take some time off. Stay here until we get this guy behind bars."

"I already told my renters that they could move in a week from Monday. They've been patient enough."

Damn. He had forgotten about her renter. That was an extra wrinkle he hadn't considered. "I just don't feel comfortable having you at my apartment. If he decides to come after you…."

Olivia put her hand over his where it was resting on the table. "I'll capitulate to the fact that it's a risk." She said. "But I'm tired of living in limbo. I want to get things settled. Find a place of our own. I'm tired of living like this. Tired of only seeing you on weekends…if you're not working."

Elliot nodded in agreement. "I'm tired of it too. Do you think I don't want you and Elise there with me?"

"I know you do. But I don't want to wait anymore."

"Even if it means you could be stalked by some crazed rapist."

"It wouldn't be the first time." She said. "You know I know how to take care of myself."

"I think it's a bad idea." He reaffirmed. "But I have a feeling the decision's been made."

"El, I just want us to start our life together and I don't want to let Manning keep us from that. We have no idea how long it's going to be until you get this guy. Are you willing to wait six months? Eight months? A year?"

Elliot scrubbed a hand over his face. "Cragen's not going to like it." He said, trying to make a last ditch effort to get her to wait at least a few weeks. He knew she respected his opinion.

"Don't pull that shit with me." She said, a slight tease in her voice. She knew she had won.

"Fine. You win." He said, knowing it was no use arguing with her about it. She had always been more stubborn than him…she was just more subtle about it. He was rewarded with a big smile and he squeezed her hand. "But you already knew you were going to win."

Olivia smirked. "Maybe."

Elliot shook his head. "Cute." He looked towards the living room. "So should we talk to Elise?"

"In a few minutes." She slipped out of the booth. "First I need something to eat."

EOEOEOEO

The rest of the weekend went by quickly. They had decided to tell Elise about the move, but not about the baby. She was excited at first, but they had to have several talks over the course of the weekend as she started to understand the impact more and more. It had been particularly hard when she realized she had to go to a new school, and that she wouldn't get to see her friends every day. She'd had a pretty spectacular meltdown over that one but she had finally calmed down with talk about her new school and new friends she would make. Olivia had promised she could have a little party next weekend for all of her friends, and that they'd drive up to see them sometimes…things she had already planned. That seemed to ease the sting.

Elliot had been hovering over her, making sure she wasn't lifting anything heavier than 5 pounds, which was practically nothing. By the time he had to leave on Sunday night, she was practically pushing him out the door. He made her promise to take it easy, and to leave the majority of what else needed to be packed to him for the following weekend.

When he was gone, she made herself some tea and sat in her living room, looking at the disarray around her. Almost all of their personal things were in boxes and just the basics were left behind. She had rented her apartment fully furnished, knowing she wasn't going to have room for a houseful of furniture in a New York apartment. She had also agreed to leave things like the dishes and other kitchen stuff.

She thought back to five and a half years ago. When Don had helped her find this little house and had helped her move the meager possessions she'd taken from New York. He had hired movers for her, not wanting her to lift anything _in her state_ either. Funny how there are parallels in life.

She loved this house. It was the first thing she had owned. The first thing that was really hers. She'd had Elise here, and they'd spent almost four years together. Just the two of them. She was proud of the life they had built here, and was suddenly feel nostalgic. She was a little sad about leaving it behind.

She knew that she was beginning a new stage of her life. _Or was it returning to her old life?_ She guessed it was a little of both. She was returning to the familiar, the place she'd spent the majority of her life. She was returning to be with the man she had loved for over a decade. She was maybe going to work for the NYPD again. So much was the same, but so much was different too. They had Elise now…and a new baby on the way. They were going to find a place of their own and any job she got with the NYPD would be something different than what she did before. And if Elliot retired from SVU, it truly would be a fresh start for them. Even if he didn't, she could live with that. It added a small hint of familiarity; she knew what to expect while he was there.

She took another sip of tea. She felt a sense of calm. All of the pieces were falling into place. She and Elliot had a family…something she never would have that would happen if you had asked her a year ago. She was lost in thought when she realized she heard her cell phone ringing. She set her tea down and snatched it off the coffee table.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey. I'm home." He thought it was funny that she insisted he call when he got there, but ultimately, he got it. He would have her do the same. "You're not packing are you?" He had been concerned that she would keep working after he left, and he wanted her to get some rest.

"I'm not packing El." She said, shaking her head at his question. "I'm sitting in the living room, relaxing and having some tea."

"Yeah, right."

"I am." She said. "And I was thinking about going upstairs and having a nice hot bath before I go to bed."

He groaned, thinking about the shower they'd taken together this morning. His hands running over her curves with the soap, pressing her up against the tile…

"Did you just moan into the phone?" she asked, knowing exactly what he was thinking about.

"Do you like to torture me?" he asked.

"Yes." She said simply, a smile on her face.

"One week." He said. "One more week and you'll be here. With me. All the time. No more long-distance relationship. No more going to bed alone."

"Except when you're working." She pointed out.

"Liv." He said, hating her pointing out the practical when he was trying to be romantic.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm looking forward to those days too. Except pretty soon, I'm going to be big and fat and you're not going to want to have sex with me anymore."

"That's _never_ going to happen. I _always_ want to have sex with you."

"You say that now, but just wait. I was huge with Elise."

"I promise you. That's not going to change."

Olivia laughed lightly into the phone. "I'm going to hold you to that. Hormones make me crazy. I was horny all the time when I was pregnant with Elise."

Elliot wanted to ask her what she had done about that, but decided to leave it alone. "You need to stop talking like that or I'm going to get in the car and drive back up there."

"Good night El."

"Night." He said. "I love you." He whispered, but she was already gone.


	36. Chapter 36

The week had gone by fairly quickly as Olivia tied things up at work, picked up stuff for the party on Saturday, and helped Elise pack up her things. The weekend went by in a flash. Elise's friends came on Saturday afternoon, and she had invited Casey, Cragen, Fin, Munch and Elliot's kids to come to the house as well. Then on Sunday, Elliot had hired a truck and lined up Dick and some of his friends to help with the move. She had a cleaning crew that came early Monday morning, since Elliot insisted she wasn't going to do the job herself. She met her new tenants in the early afternoon, got the paperwork done, and handed over the keys. She'd had a few tears in her eyes as she stood in the driveway next to Elliot. He had wrapped an arm around her while he held Elise in the other, and hugged her close, knowing that emotions were coursing through her at ending this chapter of her life.

But now she was officially a New Yorker again. She planned on spending a week getting a few necessities unpacked. Most of it was going to stay in boxes. She was committed to finding a new apartment this week. She had to get that squared away so she could find a school nearby for Elise. She didn't want to move her again once she get settled. Then she would find a job.

She had talked Elliot into calling Elizabeth and having her spend the week with them, with the caveat that she would watch Elise while Olivia went apartment hunting. He explained that it wasn't that he didn't love his daughter and want her to spend time with them, but it was their first full week together in a long time and teenagers put a crimp in your love life. Once she explained that they needed to find a new apartment or they would never have sex again…he called Elizabeth.

"OK." Said Olivia to Liz. "I have five appointments lined up for this afternoon. Are you OK with making lunch for the two of you?" Olivia looked at her watch and saw it was already 1130. "I have to get going or I'm going to miss my noon appointment."

"Yeah, it's fine Olivia." Elizabeth said, sitting on the floor and coloring with Elise. "We'll be fine." She gave Olivia a big smile.

"Thank you." Olivia said, grabbing her purse off the table. "I'll be home in time for dinner." She looked at Elise, who was absorbed in what she was doing. "El. Want to give me a hug and kiss?" Elise didn't even look up at her.

"Bye Mommy." She said.

Olivia shook her head as she headed out. She was glad Elise liked her new siblings, but it was still taking some adjustment to not being the center of her young daughter's world. She supposed she should be grateful; it might make it easier for her to adjust to having a new baby in their life.

She and Elliot had talked to Elizabeth about the baby last night when she had arrived, and found that she was OK with everything. They really hadn't had a chance to talk to anyone personally except Kathleen, so it was good to get confirmation in person.

They were still waiting to tell Elise.

Olivia sprinted out of the apartment and looked for a cab. She had to walk two blocks before she was able to snag one. She arrived at her first appointment fifteen minutes late, and caught the leasing agent walking out of the building.

"I'm sorry I'm late." She said, rushing up to him. "Traffic."

The agent looked up and she could see he was annoyed. The look of annoyance quickly disappeared and she watched as his eyes gave her a quick appraisal. She normally would be irritated by this type of behavior; but decided this was one time she was going to use it to her advantage. She flashed him a smile. "I'm really sorry." She apologized again.

"Well, normally I don't have time to wait around but I'm not too busy today. I can make an exception."

"I really appreciate it." She said. She could tell the type of man he was; confident bordering on arrogance. She would like to rip his ego to shreds, but now was not the time. She flashed another smile.

She dropped the act once they got into the apartment, but the agent kept following her around. It had some of the prerequisites they were looking for, but she didn't really like the layout. The kids' bedrooms were too far away from the master. And while that might be good when they were teenagers, it wouldn't work now. As soon as she decided it wasn't going to work, she started to excuse herself.

"Wait, let me show you some unique features in the kitchen." The agent started.

Olivia couldn't resist having a little fun at his expense. "It's just not really going to work. My husband was very specific about what he wanted and with the five kids and the baby on the way…"

He looked surprised and started to stumble over his words. "Well, OK then…"

"I'll see myself out." She said with a smile. He let her go, just like she thought he would. She laughed to herself on the way out, wondering what he was thinking right now. Did he really think she needed such a large apartment just for herself? _Men_.

She looked at her watch and thought she could make it to her next appointment on time. It was only three blocks away. She walked quickly and arrived a few minutes early. She rang the buzzer for the apartment. The leasing agent buzzed her in, and she took the elevator up to the fourth floor.

The agent was standing in the doorway when she arrived, and he held out his hand. "Hi. I'm Dan Gooden." He said.

Olivia introduced herself as he stepped out of the way to let her in the apartment. Olivia liked what she saw right away. It was one large, open room, with a living room on the left complete with stone fireplace. The kitchen was on the right, and it had a counter that separated it from the living room, with four barstools along it. Right past that, in the back corner, she could see a table and chairs for six, with an opening between the kitchen and the eating area that must lead to the bedrooms.

She walked in and looked around while Gooden rattled off different features in the apartment.

"Can I see the bedrooms?" Olivia asked. She didn't need to hear about the double oven and the icemaker in the refrigerator.

"Um, sure." He said, pointing towards the hallway like she thought. She followed him down, and saw a small bathroom on the left and a two small bedrooms across the hall from that.

"The master is at the end of the hall, and it has its own bathroom." He said. "And there is a walk-in closet." He must have seen the puzzled look on her face. "I know. This apartment has been completely renovated. They're used to be one larger master and three small bedrooms, but they made the master a little smaller and used some space from one of the other bedrooms to make a walk-in. They resized the other two bedrooms and then made the smallest room an office."

Olivia walked into the office, and realized it would be perfect for a nursery. It was right next to the master. It was small, but how much room did a baby need? She walked back down the hall and looked in at the other bedrooms again. Neither one was huge, but Elise didn't need a lot of space, and the other room would just be used by Elliot's kids when they came to visit. They were both the same size as the extra bedroom in his apartment now.

Olivia spun around as Gooden walked up behind her. "So what do you think?" he asked.

"I really like it." She said, a broad smile on her face. "A lot."

His face brightened. "That's great." He said. "So you're going to take it?"

Olivia pressed her lips together. She knew she probably shouldn't agree until Elliot had a chance to look at the place. Even though he had told her that as long as she was happy, he was happy, it still seemed like a big decision. "I'm afraid I have to have my…" she hated this part, never knowing how to refer to Elliot. "partner look at it before I can say yes for sure." She saw the look of disappointment on his face. "But I'm sure that's just a formality."

He nodded. "I'm happy to hear that." He looked at his watch. "How quickly do you think you can make that happen?"

Olivia knew it couldn't be much past 2:30, and the chances of getting Elliot down here at this time of day was low. "Do you have other people that are interested?" she asked, hoping that maybe he didn't have an other appointments lined up.

"I don't have anyone else at this time." He said. "But you never know."

Olivia wanted to roll her eyes. Of course he was going to say something like that. "OK, well, I'll make a call and let you know how quickly we can get back here." She took his card as he offered it, and rushed out of the apartment. She tried calling Elliot right away, hoping to herself that he could sneak away. Apartments did go quickly in this city, and this was close to perfect. The call wouldn't connect when she was in the elevator, so the minute she got out of the building, she stepped out of the way of people passing by and hit redial. Elliot's phone went to voicemail and she looked around the neighborhood as she waited for his greeting to end so she could leave a message. She saw a few small restaurants but it was mostly residential and she liked that.

She heard Elliot's phone beep. "Hey El. It's me. I just found the perfect…" Her voice trailed off as she spotted a familiar face. A face that didn't belong here. She stared for a few moments, frozen in place. She jumped when her phone rang in her hand; she hadn't even realized the call had disconnected. She didn't even look at the caller ID, her eyes fixated ahead of her.

"Benson." She rasped into the phone as she answered it.

"Liv. I'm sorry I missed your call. I was on the other line." She didn't answer him. He pulled the phone away from his ear and looked to see if the all was disconnected. "Liv?"

"El…"

Elliot could hear a waver in her voice. "What's wrong?" he said, panic in his voice.

"It's…" she swallowed hard. "El…" She couldn't seem to get a breath.

"Liv, for Christ's sake. Tell me what's wrong."

"It's Manning. He's here." She said, her voice shaking as she was finally able to get the words out. She looked around; her mind couldn't comprehend what was going on. She looked across and made eye contact with him again. He hadn't moved from his spot on the sidewalk; she just stood and stared at her. She broke eye contact and looked around again. There were people everywhere. Surely he wouldn't try anything here. She could hear Elliot talking but she didn't hear a word he was saying. She wished she had a car so she could drive away… get as far away from here as possible.

 _She wished she had her gun_. She would feel better if she had her gun on her hip.

"Olivia!" She heard Elliot yelling at her over the phone. "Tell me where you are!"

She didn't answer him as she saw Manning smile and wave at her, like they were old friends. He started across the street and still, she stood rooted to the spot. Part of her couldn't actually believe he was moving towards her.

"He's coming over here." She whispered into the phone.

"Olivia! I know you can hear me. Tell me where you are!" His voice was frantic now and he didn't know why she wasn't answering him. He was running out to his car with Fin in tow. He wanted to call a squad car; he knew they could get to her faster. But he had no idea where the hell she was.

He handed the phone to Fin. "See if you can get her to answer you."

"Hey Liv!" Fin yelled into the phone.

Fin's voice jerked her out of her reverie. "He's coming over here." She rasped.

"Tell us where you are." He said.

Olivia rattled off the address, finally able to speak. To move. She turned back towards the apartment building, intent on going back inside. She was just about to reach for the buzzer when she saw Dan Gooden coming out. He pushed open the door and she rushed inside.

"Did you change your mind?" he said. "You ready to sign now?" he asked.

The door clicked behind her and she turned to see Manning standing on the sidewalk outside. He looked at her for a moment and smiled. It was only for a few seconds, but it unnerved her. It was like he knew some secret…

She watched as he turned and started walking down the sidewalk. Olivia leaned against the wall and took several deep breaths, trying to quell the panic in her system.

"Are you OK?" Gooden asked, moving a little closer to her.

She looked up at him sharply. "What?" She was taking deep breaths, trying to quell the adrenaline coursing through her body.

"I asked if you were OK."

She held out an arm, as if to keep him from getting any closer. "I'm fine."

She could see the look of confusion on his face and she knew she really couldn't blame him. "Really. I am. I just…" She didn't know quite what to tell him. "A friend is coming to pick me up. I just wanted to wait inside."

He looked doubtfully at her and then looked at his watch. "I have another appointment, and I can't really leave you here in the lobby."

"It's OK. I'm a cop. Well, I used to be a cop." The word was barely out of her mouth when a squad car raced up with its lights and siren on. She let out a sigh of relief, even though she was in no immediate danger. She saw two uniforms get out of the car and she pushed out of the door as they came towards her. She held up her hands. "I'm Olivia Benson." She said, as they approached, looking warily from side to side. When Dan Gooden came out behind her, one of the uniformed officers put his hand on his chest and pushed him back against the brick wall of the building.

"No. It's OK. He's OK." She said. "That's not him."

He looked at her wildly. "What is going on?"

Before she could even answer him, an unmarked sedan came screeching up and Elliot came flying out of the car with Fin close on his heels. He rushed up and grabbed her forearms.

"Are you OK?" he asked, looking her up and down as if looking for injuries. "Did he touch you?"

Olivia shook her head vehemently. "No."

"What did he do? What did he say to you?" he asked, looking around wildly. "How long ago did he leave?"

"I don't know." Olivia said, trying to recall how long it had been. She tried to focus. "It's just been a few minutes." She pointed in the direction she had seen him disappear. "He went that way."

By that time, two more squad cars had pulled up and Fin started firing off instructions, giving them a description and information on what direction he had headed. Olivia saw the uniforms scatter in pursuit and she looked back at Elliot. He still had his hands on her arms.

"He didn't do anything." She really didn't know what the hell they were going to do if they caught up with him and now she felt a little foolish. "I should have just left. I was just…frozen. When I saw him I couldn't move. I couldn't understand what he was doing here."

"It's OK." He said. He wanted to hear what happened but she was rambling, obviously shaken. He was a little surprised; she normally had a cool head. "Are you sure he didn't say something to you? Or touch you?" Something seemed to be throwing her behavior off.

Olivia shook her head. "He…No. I went back inside before he got across the street. He just…" She closed her eyes briefly, picturing him standing outside the glass door. "He just smiled at me and then left." She opened her eyes and looked back at Elliot as another thought struck her. "How did he know where I was?"

That was the exact thing that was bothering him right now. There was no way he could have known. Which meant he must have followed her from the apartment.

He was furious with himself right now. Olivia had convinced him that she was fine; that she could take care of herself. They hadn't seen any signs of Manning for weeks and so he had stupidly agreed. He should have known better.

"I don't know." He said, rubbing his hands up and down her arms.

"I'm so stupid." She said. She had always thought of herself as invincible. She was a cop. She knew self-defense. But what had she done? She'd frozen at the first sign of potential trouble.

She thought Elliot had been overreacting; that there was no way that Manning would come after her. That Elliot was being overly protective as usual. She'd been wrong.

 _Elliot had been right_.

"Was he following me?" she asked. "He must have followed me from the apartment." Her hand went to her mouth. "Elise. Liz. Have you called them? I have to call them and make sure they are all right."

Elliot let her go and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He hit the speed dial number for Elizabeth's phone. She answered on the second ring.

"Checking up on me? I think I know how to take care of a four-year-old." She teased.

Elliot let out a sigh of relief. If she was teasing him, then everything must be OK. "Yeah, you busted me." He said. "Just wanted to see how things were going."

"It's fine Dad."

Elliot didn't want to scare her, but he was worried about Manning circling back to the apartment. "Liz, listen to me." He said. "I just want to remind you not to let anyone in the building, OK? I'm not expecting any deliveries or anything, so if someone buzzes the apartment, you just let it go. OK?"

"I know Dad." She said, a sound of exasperation in her voice. "Do we have to have this discussion every time I stay here?" she whined.

"Yes." He said, glad that she wasn't reading anything into what he was telling her. "I'll be home early."

"OK Dad. See you then." She hung up before he could say anything else.

Elliot shoved his phone back in his pocket and looked back at Olivia. "They're fine." He said. "Nothing out of the ordinary."

She started to push past him. "I want to get home."

"That's a good idea." Elliot said. "I'll have a squad car take you."

Olivia shook her head. "I want you to come with me."

"I'm going after Manning." He said.

She knew it was futile; there was no way he was going to go with her.

"I'll be home soon." He said. "I'm going to have a uniform outside the door and another one downstairs."

She wanted to object, but she was questioning her judgment now. After she panicked today, she wondered if she would act any differently if he showed up again.

He leaned in close to her ear. "You know where my Glock is, right?" He was referring to an extra gun he had at the house, locked up securely and hidden in the closet.

Olivia nodded.

"I know you'll use it if you have to." He whispered.

He had confidence in her, even though she had messed up today, and that made her feel a little better. Despite that, she knew she'd spend the evening dissecting everything that had happened…and why all of her training hadn't kicked in.

At that moment, Fin came rushing up. "Someone thinks the spotted him. Let's roll." He headed towards the unmarked sedan. Elliot gave Olivia a quick kiss and then he was gone.


	37. Chapter 37

_Hi readers! This has truly become an International story. I'm here in Puerto Rico now, and really wanted to get this chapter out tonight before I get too busy. I know that some people were surprised to see Manning show up, following Olivia. This is going to be another interesting chapter as Olivia struggles a little bit with how things have changed in her life (not sure she has the answers yet), and Manning makes another appearance (kind of). I hope you continue to hang in there with me, despite the twists and turns. Thanks!_

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia felt like a criminal, sitting in the back seat of the squad car as they drove to her apartment. She didn't know these two young officers in the front; she'd been gone too long. But they obviously knew Elliot because they were acting very deferential towards her, constantly checking to see if she was alright. Like a civilian; like a victim. She felt like yelling at them and telling them that she used to be a cop and she could kick their asses from here to Sunday.

But she wasn't a cop anymore and she didn't feel like the badass she used to be. Thoughts were swirling around in her head the entire trip back to Elliot's. Thoughts about why she hadn't reacted to Manning, why her years of training didn't kick in and get her out of that situation, why she'd let her guard down and blew off the threat in the first place. _She knew better_.

The most worrisome thought though; the thing that kept overriding everything else, was Elliot was going to do if he caught up with Manning. Because she had no doubt, even if a uniformed cop found him, that somehow Elliot would be there, face to face with Manning. She was glad that Fin was with him; that might keep things from getting dicey.

The pulled up in front of the building and the female officer opened her door and walked with her into the apartment building. She felt bad; she couldn't even remember her name. But she had too much in her head already for details like that. She stopped outside the apartment door and took a deep breath, trying to regain her composure so she wouldn't worry the girls when she walked into the room. When she thought she had schooled her features to look fairly neutral, she motioned for the officer to stay outside while she turned the key in the lock.

She let herself in quietly, and saw Liz look up from the couch as she walked in. Elise was curled into her side and appeared to be half-asleep. The Little Mermaid was playing on the TV, and Olivia made a mental note to give Elizabeth some kind of extra reward for having to sit through it for the umpteenth time. Liz smiled at her and put her finger to her lips, giving her a clear indication that she thought Elise was almost asleep and not to disturb her. Olivia motioned to the bedroom and Liz nodded that she understood.

Olivia walked down the short hallway to the bedroom and closed the door behind her. She went into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face. She braced her arms against the edge of the counter and stared at herself in the mirror. She saw the face looking back at her; she looked the same as she always had. Maybe a little older…but it was still the same person she'd been staring at for years.

She thought about her reaction to Manning again.

Just a couple of weeks ago, she had offered herself up as bait to catch him. When Elliot had brought up the risks with her coming back to the city, she had blown him off, telling him clearly that she could take care of herself.

 _Like she had many times before_.

When she'd been partnered with Elliot, she'd been fearless. _Reckless according to Elliot._ Maybe she thought she was invincible. Maybe that's just the foolishness that comes with being young. But she knew it was more than that.

She had wanted to keep _him_ safe. She considered his well-being to be more important than her own. Elliot had a wife; a family. It was her responsibility to make sure he made it home safely every night and she took that responsibility very seriously. If she didn't make it home, there was no one there to miss her. She was alone.

 _But she wasn't alone anymore_.

She moved her hands down to her stomach. She had a daughter, and another baby on the way. She had Elliot. She wasn't expendable anymore. The thought of Elise growing up without a mother was like a dagger in her heart. She wasn't going to let that happen.

So maybe despite all of her bravado in telling Elliot she could handle it…when it came to the reality of the situation…when she saw Manning _right there_ … when the potential risk had been real…she realized she wasn't invincible after all. For once in her life, there were other people to think about.

She looked back in the mirror. She had given up being Badass Benson when she left five years ago. She thought she was the same person, but she wasn't. Would she defend her children or Elliot? Absolutely. With her life. But she was done taking stupid risks.

She was shaken by her thoughts by a knock on the bedroom door. She walked out of the bathroom and opened the door to see Elizabeth standing there.

"Hey Liv." She said brightly. "Elise is sleeping." She walked in and sat down on the edge of the bed. If she saw any sign of Olivia's inner struggle on her face, she didn't show it. "Did you find an apartment?"

Olivia thought about the apartment she had found and groaned inwardly. If they didn't catch Manning, then he would know exactly where they lived. She couldn't have that. And even if they did catch him, was it bad luck to take it? Would she always think about that incident (that was really a non-incident), when she walked through the front doors?

Maybe it wouldn't matter. There was a good chance Gooden wouldn't lease to them anyway after she'd brought the police screeching up to the front door and ruined the peace and quiet there. She would have to call him and apologize for that; and for the cops shoving him up against the building so roughly.

"Olivia?"

Olivia looked up at the girl. "Oh, sorry. Yeah, I may have found a place but I have to get your dad over there to see it and who knows when that will happen and then it may be gone." She was trying to make excuses for why they might not lease it, just in case.

"Tell me about it." She said.

Olivia sat down on the bed next to her and Elizabeth scooted back against the headboard and crossed her legs like a pretzel. "So?" she prompted.

Olivia proceeded to tell her all about the place, and got more excited about it again as she did. It really was the ideal spot for them. When she got done with the description, Elizabeth was excited too.

"Then I don't have to share a room with Elise." She put a hand over her mouth as she said it. "I mean…"

"No, it's OK." Olivia said. She had never really thought about it, but when they were here, Elise kind of took over. Her things were all over that spare room, which of course used to be there for Elizabeth and her brother and sisters. "I'm sorry that I never thought about the fact that Elise took your room. I'll have her sleep with us tonight."

"It's fine. Really. There are two beds in there. It's just sometimes, I need a little privacy." She gave Olivia a smile. "It will be fine until we move."

"It's no problem. She can sleep in here. The bed is big enough for the three of us." Olivia said. She wasn't sure how happy Elliot was going to be about that. Or her for that matter. If a teenager in the house made things difficult, a child in your bed meant a real end to their sex life.

"Liv. I said it's fine." She giggled. "Besides, I don't think you guys really want Elise sleeping with you." She blushed slightly as she said it, and it almost made Olivia blush as well. Was she really referring to her and Elliot's sex life? She would have expected that from Kathleen, but not Liz.

 _It's always the quiet ones._

Liz kept talking. "What? You're surprised? I hate to break it to you, but it's no big shocker. Did you really think that I thought you and Dad weren't having sex? I mean…hello. You're pregnant." She said, pointing at Olivia's stomach.

Now Olivia did blush. "I don't think I want to have this conversation with you." She said.

"We're not having a conversation. I'm just saying that I can share a room with Elise." She hopped off the bed. "It's settled."

Olivia laughed, happy to have a reprieve from the turmoil going on in her head. She stood up. "Let's go see if we have anything for dinner."

EOEOEOEO

It had been a couple of hours and Olivia still hadn't heard a word from Elliot, Fin or Cragen. She was going out of her mind, checking her phone every few minutes, just in case she had missed a call or text.

Elizabeth was in their bedroom, getting some alone time, and Olivia was trying to play Go Fish with Elise.

"Mommy, you're not doing it right." Elise complained when Olivia drew a card without asking Elise if she had anything she needed.

"Oh, sorry. Do you have any fives?"

"You can't ask me now." Elise said, a sound of frustration in her voice. "You already took a card." She threw her cards down on the table and slid off the chair. "I'm going to go play something else."

Olivia snagged her daughter's arm before she could get away. "Hey." She said, as Elise turned around to face her. "I'm sorry honey. Mommy is having a rough day." She expected a smart retort from her daughter, who didn't have much time for anything that didn't revolve around her, but she was surprised when Elise moved a little closer and put her little hand on Olivia's cheek.

"It's OK Mommy." She said. "Sometimes I have a bad day. It happens."

Olivia didn't know whether to laugh or cry. To see her small daughter trying to comfort her almost brought her to tears, but the fact that Elise thought she had anything close to a bad day made her want to laugh. If she only knew.

She settled for a smile. "Thanks." She pulled Elise towards her and wrapped her arms around her, giving her a kiss on the head. Elise gave her a quick hug back, but then fought against a lingering hug. She was full of energy after having had a nap, and she wasn't in the mood. Olivia released her and watched as Elise disappeared into the living room.

She checked her phone for what seemed like the hundredth time and saw that she had actually missed a text message from Elliot. Figures.

" _Still on the trail. Stay put. Be home as soon as I can."_

Olivia let her head fall back. She wanted to pick up the phone and call him. Get all the details. But she knew she shouldn't bother him right now. She pushed herself up from the chair and walked into the kitchen, hoping she could distract herself by making dinner.

EOEOEOEO

It was almost 11PM by the time Elliot texted her and told her that he was on his way home. Elise was sound asleep and when she'd last checked, Elizabeth was watching a DVD in their bedroom, half asleep herself.

Olivia was pacing back and forth in the living room when she heard the key in the door. She rushed towards him as he came through the door, but stopped short when she saw him. He had a black eye and his bottom lip was cut and swollen. He had changed his clothes, so Olivia assumed, based on looking at him, that they'd been torn and bloody. She couldn't get a good look at his hands, but she knew they'd be torn up.

Elliot walked up to her, stopping just a foot away. "Manning is dead." He said quietly.

Olivia didn't know what to say. That wasn't what she had expected to hear. Locked up. In custody. In the hospital. Any of those. But dead? She'd been worried about what would happen if Elliot came face to face with Manning, but she didn't expect him to end up dead. She felt a thread of fear work itself up her spine.

"What did you do?" she whispered, bringing her left hand to her mouth. "Oh my God."

Elliot didn't like the look on her face. It almost bordered on fear.

Olivia took a step back; she wasn't sure she wanted him to tell her.

"You don't have to worry about him coming near you ever again." Elliot said, either not hearing what she said, or ignoring her question completely.

Olivia shook her head. "What happened?"

Elliot wanted to wipe that lock from her face. He reached for her, but Olivia focused on his torn and bruised knuckles. She grabbed one of his hands with hers and ran her thumb over the cuts lightly.

Olivia looked up at him, afraid to hear of he had done in the name of protecting her. "Elliot…" she whispered again, looking back and forth between his eyes, as if she could read what he was thinking about. She broke eye contact suddenly. She moved back towards the couch, tugging him along with her. She pushed him down so he was sitting, and then moved past him. "I'm going to get some ice."

Elliot didn't stop her. He didn't know if telling her what happened would make her feel any better. He watched her walk back into the room, bags of ice in both of her hands. She was avoiding direct eye contact now, focusing instead on his injuries, placing the bags of ice on top of each hand as he rested them on his thighs.

"Liv." He pushed the ice to the side and took her hands in his. "That's not important."

She met his eyes again. "Are you going to tell me what happened? What really happened?" she asked, her voice still quiet.

"Do you want me to lie to you?" he asked. It was a sincere question; he thought she might. "Or I don't have to tell you anything at all." He ducked his head down slightly, trying to capture her eyes again. "Maybe that would be best."

"No." She said sharply. "I need to know." She said, a little more softly. All the evidence pointed to the fact that he'd been in a physical fight with Manning. _Could he have killed him with his bare hands?_ She knew he was capable physically…and she'd seen his anger erupt in very violent ways before. She waited him out. It was his story to tell.

Elliot thought through the sequence of events; what had gotten him to this point.

 _He and Fin had gotten to the last known address, but Manning was gone. They spread out with six uniforms, but no one saw which direction he had gone. They'd spent the next couple of hours searching the area, but nothing panned out. Frustrated, they started to head back to the precinct. Suddenly, the got a call from a bar owner, claiming he recognized Manning from the TV bulletin that had gone out._

 _Elliot and Fin raced to the bar. Fin went around back and Elliot went in the front, and sure enough, the bastard was sitting at the bar. When he looked up and saw Elliot walking towards him, he took off out a back door, and Elliot chased after him, assuming Fin would catch him coming out the back. He burst out into an empty parking lot, but there was no Fin in sight. He realized they had come out some side door, and there was an alley; Manning was racing away from him. He tore after him, losing sight for a few seconds as he rounded the corner._

 _Elliot tore around the corner after him and saw Manning was boxed in by a dead end; a brick wall in front of him. He turned quickly when he heard Elliot come up behind him. Elliot was only about ten feet away, never losing momentum as he rushed towards him. He saw a flash of metal, and realized Manning was pulling a gun. Before he could even think, he put his head down and barreled into Manning with his head and shoulders, knocking the wind out of him and forcing him to drop the gun. It skittered across the uneven payment in the alley._

 _Elliot pulled back as Manning doubled over. He raised a fist and punched him in the jaw, causing Elliot to lose balance slightly. Before Elliot could get another hit in, Manning swept Elliot's legs with his, knocking him to the ground. Manning lifted a leg to kick him, but Elliot was too quick. He grabbed his foot and twisted, bringing Manning down hard onto the pavement. Manning rolled over before Elliot could get on him, swung his leg and kicked him in the mouth. Blood spurted from Elliot's split lip and he let out a growl. Manning got back on his feet before Elliot could pin him to the ground, and they circled each other like prizefighters, each landing several good punches._

 _They were breathing heavily now, Manning bleeding from a broken nose and Elliot with a black eye. Elliot hit Manning with another hard shot right on his jaw and it sent Manning sprawling on the concrete. Elliot stood in place, slightly bent from exertion, as Manning writhed on the ground. He was obviously stunned and trying to clear his head._

" _Stabler!" Elliot turned to see Fin running into the alley. As he watched, Fin raised his gun and Elliot dove, hearing two shots ring out._

 _He rolled over and turned towards Manning, instantly seeing blood seeping from a wound in his chest. He scrambled to his feet and rushed over to where Manning lay on the ground. He leaned over and felt for a pulse in his neck, but he couldn't find one. He looked back at Fin, who was walking towards him. "He's dead." He said, surprise in his voice._

" _Looks like it." Fin said._

" _Why'd you shoot?" Elliot asked. Manning had been down on the ground._

" _He was goin' for his gun." Fin said. "He was gonna shoot you."_

 _Elliot furrowed his brow and looked at the gun on the ground. It was several feet from where Manning lay. Close enough, but Elliot wasn't sure Manning could have reached it. But he hadn't seen. He had turned to look at Fin when he called his name. He'd made a cardinal mistake, looking away like that in a dangerous situation. Still…_

 _Fin leaned over and checked Manning's pulse himself. He stood up and looked straight at Elliot. "He's a rapist. He was goin' after Liv." He said. He shook his head. "No one's going to cry over him."_

" _Fin." Elliot said._

" _He was going for his gun Stabler. That's how it went down." Fin said, standing in place, staring at Elliot. "You didn't see how close he was. You looked away. I couldn't take a chance."_

 _Elliot stared at Fin for a moment, listening to what he was telling him. He nodded and they called it in, waiting until Cragen and IAB showed up. They repeated their story again and again, until IAB signed off and Cragen sent them home._

And now he was here and he saw the question in Olivia's eyes. It bothered him that she could think he would kill him in cold blood; but she had his history to rely on. She had seen him in action. She also knew he would do anything to protect her, so he guessed he couldn't blame her. But he also knew she wouldn't want to believe that he, or anyone she cared about, would do something like that. Mostly, he just wanted to take the look of apprehension of her face. He wanted her to feel safe again. Manning was dead. That's all that mattered.

"I didn't kill him." He told her. He saw some of the tension leave her body in the way she dropped her shoulders slightly. "I chased him down an alley. He pulled a gun but I barreled into him and he dropped it. We fought and I had him down on the ground. But Fin came and I turned my back and Fin saw him go for his gun. He shot him."

"Fin saved your life." She said breathlessly.

"I don't know if he would have shot me or not." Elliot said. _It wasn't a lie_.

"It's over." She said. "He's not going to be out terrorizing any more woman; ruining any more lives." She said, shaking her head. She looked at Elliot and saw something flash across his features quickly, and then it was gone. She didn't have time to analyze it before Elliot took her hands in his.

"It's over. We don't have to worry about him anymore. He's not going to come anywhere near you." He swallowed hard. _No one is going to miss him._

"Are you OK?" Olivia asked, sensing something was bothering him.

"I'm fine. It's just been a long day." He lifted his hands, looking at his swollen knuckles. "And these are starting to hurt like a son-of-a-bitch." His effort at distraction worked as she lifted the bags of ice and placed them back on his hands. He didn't want to think or talk about Manning any longer. Olivia was safe and they'd taken a horrible man off the streets.

He leaned back on the couch and lay his head on the back. He closed his eyes, realizing how truly exhausted he was. "I don't want to talk about any of this anymore." He said. "I want to hear something good." He opened one eye and looked over at Olivia, who was still sitting beside him holding the ice on his hands. "Did you find a place for us to live?"

Olivia furrowed her brow, surprised by the sudden change in subject. "We can talk about it tomorrow." She said. Truthfully, there were lots of things to talk about. She wanted to talk about what had happened to her when she saw Manning. She wanted to talk about the apartment. Now was not the time. She was worn out too; emotionally, mentally and physically. "We need to get you cleaned up and into bed."

"I'm only going to agree because you mentioned going to bed. I'm never going to turn down an invitation like that." He teased, happy to be moving on from the events of the day.

"First…we're going to get this blood cleaned up and get some antiseptic on these cuts. Then we'll see if you still like me." She said getting up from the couch. "And then we have to get your teenage daughter out of our bed."

Elliot groaned. "Why is there always a kid in my bed?" he grumbled. His frown turned into a grin, which disappeared quickly. "Ow." He said, putting his fingers on his lip. He had forgotten about the cut. It hadn't hurt while he was talking.

"I think I need a nurse." He said, starting to push himself up off the couch.

Olivia leaned over and kissed him very lightly on the lips. "I'll take care of you." She smiled down at him. She knew she told everyone she could take care of herself, but she had to admit that she felt a huge relief that Manning wasn't on the street any longer. For herself and for all of the other future victims of his out there. "You earned it."


	38. Chapter 38

_Hi everyone! Thanks so much for all of your great reviews. I used to be better at replying to people's reviews, and I'm trying to do it again, but I know I haven't gotten back to everyone. And some of you are listed as guests, so I can't reply. But if I haven't, I'm sorry but I want to say THANK YOU for sticking with the story and for all of your great comments!_

EOEOEOEO

The first thing Elliot registered when he woke up was pain. All over his body, but particularly around his eye. When he opened his eyes, he saw Elise standing next to the bed, her hand right in front of his face. She touched the bruised skin under his left eye again. "What happened Daddy?" she whispered, a look of awe on her face. "Did a bad guy get you?"

Elliot grabbed her little hand in his to keep her from poking at the sensitive bruise. "Yeah, I got in a fight with a bad guy." He squeezed her hand gently with his. "But I'm OK."

"Mommy says when she was an off'cer and you ran into bad guys you had to fight sometimes but she said you always won."

Elliot was always surprised to hear these little tidbits of information as they were revealed. It always reminded him that Olivia had made sure Elise knew about her father, even if he wasn't a part of her life for the first four years.

Elise cocked her head slightly. "So did you win?"

Elliot thought about Manning lying in the morgue with a tag tied around his toe. "Yeah baby. I won."

Elise pulled her hand out from Elliot's. "Your hand looks ouchy." She trailed her little fingers lightly over the cuts and bruises on his knuckles. "You shouldn't fight Daddy." She admonished.

"I try not to." He said. He wasn't sure if that was true, but he certainly got physical a lot less these days than in the days he had been partners with Olivia. He was sure that some psychologist could analyze the hell out of that, but it didn't really matter anymore.

"Where's Mommy?" Elise asked.

Elliot sat up in bed, surprised that he hadn't realized Olivia wasn't lying next to him. He'd become really used to having her there, and usually if she got up, he would wake up too. He must have really been knocked out. "I don't know."

He heard water running, and he looked over to see the bathroom door was closed. He swung his legs off the bed. "Hey El, why don't you go out in the living room and turn on some cartoons and I'll be out in a minute."

Elise grinned. "Is this one of the breakin' the rules times?"

Elliot smiled, knowing Olivia really liked to limit the amount of time Elise was plugged in. But he wasn't sure what was going on with Olivia, especially since she hadn't emerged from the bathroom yet and he needed a distraction for his daughter.

He put a finger to his lips. "It'll be a secret." He whispered.

Elise knew better than to wait around for someone to change their mind, so she tore out of the bedroom and Elliot could hear her little footsteps pounding down the hall. A few seconds later, he heard sound from the TV filtering back.

He got up, groaning as his sore muscles complained, and walked over to the bathroom door. He knocked lightly, putting his ear close to the door. "Liv?" he said softly. "Everything OK?"

"Yeah." She said. "Don't come in."

Elliot didn't like the sound of that. He grabbed the door and opened it a crack; just enough for him to be able to see Liv sitting on the cold tile in front of the toilet, her arms resting on the seat as she held her head in her hands.

She looked up quickly when she heard the door open. "Why do you always do that?" she said, annoyance in her voice. "I said don't come in." She dropped her head in her hands again.

Elliot ignored her and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. He knelt down on the tile next to her, stifling back another groan at the stiffness in his body. "You're sick?"

Olivia lifted her head and glared at him. "Thanks for stating the obvious."

Elliot wasn't swayed by her tone or her words. "Have you been sick before?" he asked, wondering if she'd been keeping it from him. He ran his hand lightly up and down her back.

Olivia put her head in her hands again. She was trying to be as still as possible to keep the nausea at bay. She knew what Elliot was asking, but he was annoying the hell out of her. "Of course I've been sick before."

Elliot let it slide; it didn't really matter. "Were you sick with Elise?"

"No." Olivia said quietly. She shrugged her shoulders, wanting his hand off her back.

Elliot dropped his hand, and sat down on his butt, leaning his back against the cabinet so that he was sitting next to the toilet, facing her. "You know what that means, right?"

Olivia lifted her head again, giving him another annoyed look. She knew he'd been through multiple pregnancies and knew a lot more than she did, but she really wasn't in the mood to hear his expert opinion right now. He was probably going to tell her she wasn't eating right or getting enough rest or some other piece of overbearing advice. "Enlighten me."

"It means it's a boy." He said with a grin on his face.

Olivia hadn't been expecting that and despite how horrible she was feeling, she let out a small laugh. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" As soon as the words were out of her mouth, another wave of nausea hit and she was back up on her knees over the toilet.

Elliot scrambled back on his knees and swept her hair back, holding it at the nape of her neck. He hated to see her feeling like this. They sat like that for a minute, but Olivia sat back on her heels again when nothing came up. She let out a heavy sigh.

"Do you want to go back to bed?" Elliot asked, letting go of her hair as he stood up.

"Maybe just for a few minutes." She said. She held out her hand and Elliot helped her out. She dropped his hand when she was standing, but Elliot kept his hand on the small of her back, ushering her into the bedroom.

"Elliot." She said, still annoyed by his inability to just leave her alone. When she was sick, she didn't want someone hovering over her. "I can walk by myself."

"I just want to make sure you don't pass out and fall." He said. He resisted the urge to simply scoop her up and put her in bed. He knew that when she felt better, she'd kick his ass for pulling a stunt like that.

"I'm not going to pass out." She said, biting off her words. She paused before she got to the bed, turning her attention towards the bedroom door. "What's that sound?" she asked, turning to Elliot. "Is that the TV?"

"Yeah."

"Is Elise up?" she asked.

"Yeah, she got up a few minutes ago."

"Elliot. You know I don't like to put her in front of the TV first thing in the morning." She knew she was being bitchy, but lately it seemed like Elliot was bending all the boundaries she'd developed with Elise.

"C'mon Liv." Elliot said with a little bit of exasperation in his voice. She was going to bitch about a few minutes of television now? "I didn't know what was going on with you, so I wanted to distract her."

Olivia started to respond when she felt her stomach clutch again. Her hand went to her stomach and she groaned. She turned back towards the bathroom and rushed into the room. "Don't follow me!" she said, slamming the door behind her.

Elliot walked up to the closed door and grabbed the doorknob. He didn't open the door, but he could hear her getting sick inside. He debated about ignoring her instructions, but thought better of it. Instead, he would got get some water and crackers for her.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia woke up and glanced over at the clock. She saw it was almost ten. She couldn't believe she had slept so long once she'd gotten back in bed. She was lying on her stomach, and she propped herself up on her elbows, moving slowly so she could assess if the nausea was going to return. She waited a full minute, and decided she was feeling better. She started to sit up, and noticed crackers and water on the nightstand. Her stomach roiled again at the thought of any kind of food and she climbed out of bed leaving the crackers behind.

She pulled on the hem of her t-shirt, tugging it down over the tops of her thighs. She opened one of Elliot's dresser drawers and pulled out a pair of his sweat pants. She pulled them on, happy that they were loose on her. She tied the string around the waistband loosely, and they fell down to rest on her hips.

She walked out of the bedroom and could hear Elliot and Elise talking at the table. She stopped as soon as they came into sight, and smiled when she saw Elliot playing a card game with her. Elise was kneeling on her chair and her back was to her, but Elliot was facing her. She could see the dark bruise around his eye and his lip was swollen as well. She knew it must hurt like hell. Her eyes moved down to his hand that were holding the cards, and saw all of the damage there too. But those hands had seen their share of damage; he would have scars on top of scars now.

Elliot must have caught movement, and he looked up and saw her standing there. She walked towards them, leaning over and kissing Elise on top of her head.

Elise tilted her head back, looking up at her mother. "Hi Mama." She said, smiling up at her. "Are you done being sick?"

Olivia smiled down at her. "I am."

"We're playing Go Fish." Elliot said. "Do you want to play?"

Elise shook her head. "Mommy tried to play yesterday but she doesn't play it right."

Olivia furrowed her brow and laughed. "El, I've played Go Fish with you tons of times. I only messed up one time." Her little drama queen liked to exaggerate everything.

"Well…" Elise said, as if she was considering Olivia's capability to play the game.

"You know what?" Olivia said. "I'm just going to watch." She knew Elise was enjoying the game with Elliot and she didn't see any need to insert herself. She saw Elliot watching her as she sat down in the chair next to Elise.

"Did you eat those crackers?" he asked.

Olivia shook her head. "I'm not hungry."

"You have to eat something." He said. "What can I make for you?"

"El…" she said, a warning in her voice. She didn't need this right now. "I'll eat in a little while." She saw the objection on his lips, but before he could say anything else, she changed the subject. "What are you doing home?"

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "Cragen thought it would be a good idea if Fin and I took a couple of days off. I guess I forgot to mention that last night."

"I guess." Olivia picked up the empty box from the card game and twirled it around in her hands. "Maybe we could go look at the apartment I found." She was thinking about whether or not she still wanted to live there but she knew it was stupid to give up the perfect spot. All of this drama with Manning was over, and the memory of what had happened would fade in a few days. Elliot and Fin were cleared; there wasn't going to be any residual damage.

Elliot looked at Elise. "Do you have any tens?" he asked. "Why don't you tell me about it?" he said, flicking his eyes over to Olivia.

"Go Fish." Elise said.

Olivia proceeded to describe the apartment and the neighborhood, while Elliot multitasked, playing Go Fish while peppering Olivia with questions.

"I won!" Elise said, jumping up on the chair. Olivia grabbed her quickly before she toppled off and Elliot hushed her.

"Liz is still sleeping." He said.

"I won." Elise said, in a loud whisper. "I won!" She clambered onto to Olivia's lap and wrapped her arms around her neck. "I won." She whispered into Olivia's ear.

"You're the champion." Olivia said, reminding herself to talk to her daughter about good sportsmanship at some later date.

"Good morning." Elliot said, and Olivia turned to see Elizabeth walking towards them.

"It's too early to be up." She said, grumbling as she slumped down into the chair next to Elliot.

"Sorry." Said Olivia. "Did Elise wake you?"

Elise slid down from her perch on Olivia's lap and ran over to where Elizabeth was sitting. She leaned on her legs. "Guess what? I'm the Go Fish champ'in. Do you want to play me? I can beat you too."

Elliot stood up and scooped up Elise. "I think it's a little early for a challenge sweetie. Lizzie just woke up. Let's give her a break." He threw her over her shoulder and she let out a loud giggle, kicking her legs and waving her arms.

"Let me go!" she shrieked.

Olivia and Liz put their hands over their ears.

Elliot swung her down and set her back on the ground. He kept his hands on her shoulders as she pressed back against his legs. She dropped her head back to look up at him. "Let's go get dressed and then we're going to go look at a new house. How does that sound?"

Elise rolled her eyes. "That sounds bor-ing." She said, clearly emphasizing the two syllables to make her point.

"It'll be fun." He said. "Your mom likes the house so I know we're going to love it."

"Can I stay here with Liz?" she asked.

"I think you should come along." Elliot said. "And maybe Liz wants to come too." He wanted all of his children to feel comfortable with their new home too.

"Can I stay with Papa Don?" Elise asked.

"El." Olivia said. She knew she had to cut this off or Elise would list everyone she possibly knew. "We're all going together. Now go get dressed."

Elise scowled at Olivia. She tilted her head back again to look up at Elliot. Elliot shrugged his shoulders. "Do what your Mom says." He said. Elise must have decided it was a losing battle because she started walking down the hall. "I'm going to wear my red dress and my sparkly shoes." She said, and Olivia smiled at her daughter's effort to exert some kind of control, not matter how small.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia had reached the leasing agent, and arranged for an appointment right after lunch. She was pleased that Elliot seemed to like the place as much as she did. She got a nod of approval from Elizabeth as well, and even Elise liked the large, open family room. She was busy trying (and failing) to do cartwheels at that very moment.

Elliot and Olivia had decided to lease a space rather than buy it, since they didn't really know where they were going to end up in a few years. Liz wandered off towards Elise, busy texting on her phone, while Elliot and Olivia talked over the terms of the lease. When they had reached agreement, they picked a date to come into his office to sign all the paperwork. They got him to agree to give the place a fresh coat of paint and to give the fireplace and chimney a good cleaning. It was nice that there wasn't a current tenant, so they could move in whenever the work was done, and he agreed to have it all completed so they could move in the weekend after next. That was mid-month, so that would give them some time in Elliot's old apartment to move some things over gradually as well. He had already talked to his current apartment manager, giving him a heads up that he would be moving soon. They had a waiting list to get into the building, so he wasn't requiring his normal 3 months' notice.

They snagged Elise and Liz and left the apartment. As they walked towards the elevator, Elliot wrapped his arm around Olivia's shoulders. "Happy?"

Olivia turned her head to look at him. "Happy."

"Thanks for all your work in finding a place for us. I know I wasn't much help."

"Glad you recognize that." She teased. She wasn't going to give him credit where none was due, or let him off the hook easily.

"Hey, you may have done all the work to find the place, but I'm going to do more than my fair share when it comes to actually moving."

"Yeah, it's going to be really tough to dial up Dickie and his friends. That's a lot of work." She bumped her hip against his.

"Watch it Benson." He said. He was glad to see her in such a good mood, and he was happy that they were finally moving into a place they could call theirs. Not hers or his. Theirs. "This calls for a celebration!" he said as they walked into the elevator.

"Yay! A cel'bration!" said Elise, clapping her hands. "I'm all dressed up." She said, lifting one foot to show off her sparkly shoe. "Can we go to McDonalds?" she asked excitedly.

Olivia groaned but Elliot chimed in. "I was thinking of something a little fancier."

"I have an idea." Liz piped in. "How about you take Olivia out for a nice dinner tonight and Elise and I will have McDonalds. You can celebrate your new place and the b-a-b-y." she said, spelling it out so Elise wouldn't know what she was saying. She needn't have bothered because Elise was focused on the fact that she'd get to go to the Golden Arches.

Elise nodded vigorously. "I like that plan."

Elliot looked over at Olivia. "What d'ya think? You want to go out on a date with me?" He realized when he said it that he hadn't actually taken Olivia out that much at all since they'd been back together. Everything had revolved around Elise at first and then it was quick meals here and there. Suddenly, he really wanted to go; to take her someplace special.

"We just got a new place. We have to buy new furniture…" she started rattling off reasons why they shouldn't spend the money.

"Liv." Elliot said, stopping her litany. "C'mon. Will you go out with me?" He said softly, looking directly into her eyes.

Olivia smiled broadly, realizing she'd really enjoy going out. It seems like it had been ages. "I'd like that." She said. "It's a date."


	39. Chapter 39

When they got back to Elliot's apartment, Elise ran off to play and Liz collapsed on the couch with her phone.

"Don't you have any homework?" Elliot asked her as he saw her fingers flying over the keys on her phone.

She didn't even look up. "Very funny Dad. It's summer vacation."

"El, leave her alone. She's been with us all afternoon and she's taking care of Elise tonight." Olivia said, grasping his right elbow with her hand as she pressed up against his arm.

He looked over at her. "Yeah, yeah." He looked at his watch. "You'd better get moving. You have two hours to get ready for our date. I'm picking you up at 7."

"Picking me up?"'

"This is a date, isn't it?"

"I think two people that have a daughter and another baby on the way can't really be dating."

"I didn't say we were dating. I said we're going on a date. As in time alone. Just you and me."

Olivia smiled, about to argue about his distinction, when he leaned in close to her ear. "Wear a dress."

"I have to wear a dress?"

"You have great legs Liv." He whispered. "You should wear dresses more often."

Olivia shook her head, smiling at the compliment. She really didn't like people commenting on her physical attributes; she supposed that came from years of perps leering at her and making crude comments. But somehow, when Elliot told her something like that, she could sense his sincerity and it made her feel like she may blush.

"OK. I'll find a dress." She started to look at the cartons stacked in the opposite corner of the living room, wondering where the balance of her closet was packed. Then she remembered that she had put her dresses in a garment bag and it was currently hanging in the back of the closet in the kids' room. She put a hand to her stomach. She wasn't really showing yet, but she was feeling a little fatter than before. She hoped nothing was too snug.

"I'm going to go jump in the shower now so you can have the bathroom all to yourself to get ready." He kissed her on the cheek. "Then I'm going to take Liz and El to McDonalds, and I'll be back to pick you up at 7 sharp."

"You're leaving?" she asked, confused by his comment.

"Yep. But I'll be back." He wiggled his eyebrows. "I'm looking forward to tonight." He kissed her cheek and headed down the hall to the bedroom.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot left the apartment with Elise and Liz in tow about a half an hour later. Olivia had been thinking about their night out, and decided that if he wanted her to wear a dress, she was going to go all out. With her impending weight gain, it might be one of her last chances to fit into some of her more flattering dresses.

She actually didn't have that many dresses to choose from, as she didn't have much occasion to wear them. But she had a few that Elliot hadn't seen. She picked a simple black dress and held it up to her body in front of the mirror. The dress was sleeveless and had a scooped neck. It showed just enough cleavage but not too much. The dress hugged her waist and her hips and then ended just above her knees. She'd add a pop of color with some heels and she should be set.

She started out with a nice long shower, the hot water streaming down her body and helping her relax. She lathered her entire body in her favorite body wash and shampooed her hair. She dried and put a little curl in her hair, and took extra time with her make-up. She walked into the bedroom and dug through a box that held underwear, finding a sheer black bra and matching thong. Nice lingerie was one thing she had always splurged on, liking the feel of it next to her skin and how feminine it made her feel. Especially when she'd been one of the guys, wearing her boring cop clothes most of the time.

She looked at the clock and saw that it was 6:30 already. She slipped her underwear on and then her dress. She had a moment of panic when she almost couldn't get it zipped up and realized her boobs must have gotten slightly larger. She thought maybe she could do without the bra, since the dress was going to definitely hold her in. She slipped her arms out of the dress, got rid of her bra, and then zipped up the dress. She looked in the mirror to see if it was too tight; she didn't want to be spilling out of the top of the dress. She decided it was fine. In fact, looking at how the dress hugged her body, she was pretty sure Elliot was going to be a big fan.

She knew Elliot had seen her at her worst; when she'd been in the same clothes for three days, when she hadn't had a shower in at least as long, and with no make-up and dirty hair. But she had to admit it was kind of fun to get dolled up for a night out. Probably because she didn't do it very often. She turned around and looked at the back of her dress. And it was even more fun to think about driving Elliot a little insane.

Not that he needed any encouragement. The man had the sex drive of a man half his age.

And she certainly wasn't complaining.

If he could barely wait to get his hands on her in a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt, she could only imagine what the sight of her in his dress was going to do.

She smiled at the thought; she was going to have fun teasing him tonight.

She grabbed a lipstick off the top of the dresser and painted her lips a deep burgundy color. Then she dug in the box of shoes until she found a pair of red pumps. She debated, holding them in her hand. She dug around and found a pair of royal blue and black heels. She had one of each on her feet, trying to decide, when her phone rang. She picked it up and saw it was Elliot.

She sighed heavily, hoping he wasn't calling her with some bad news…some reason he had to cancel.

"Hello." She answered.

"Hey there." He said. "I was just calling to tell you that I'm on my way back. I'll be there in fifteen minutes. I just wanted to make sure you were going to be ready."

"I'm ready." She said, smiling. "Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

"Give me a clue?"

"Nope. I'll be there soon."

Olivia hung up and looked back in the mirror, trying to decide which pair of shoes to wear. When she had decided, she slipped them on. She added a pair of earrings and grabbed a small purse, tucking her lipstick inside. She took one last look in the mirror, wondering if she had gone overboard. She shook her head and walked out to the living room before she could start taking off mascara and lipstick or changing her dress. She had barely made it into the room when she heard a knock at the door.

She felt small butterflies in her stomach and she almost laughed at herself. This was Elliot. Why was she nervous all of a sudden? She opened the door and the only thing she could see was a big bouquet of red roses.

She broke into a smile, despite how corny it was.

"Are those for me?" she asked sweetly.

Elliot lowered the flowers, a big smile on his face at the tone of her voice. But he hadn't been prepared for the sight in front of him. He dropped the roses to his side as his grin turned into a look of surprise. He'd always thought Olivia was beautiful, stunning even. In any circumstance. But he wasn't prepared for the sight in front of him.

Her eyes were dark and her full lips were colored and glossed. His eyes traveled down the smooth column of her neck to the neckline of her dress and the deep V of her cleavage. He could barely tear his eyes away as he followed the lines of the dress down her entire body, until her long legs ended in a pair of red heels. He dragged his eyes back up her body until he met her eyes.

"I found a dress." She said, blushing slightly at his perusal of her body, and feeling foolish for doing it.

"And I love it." He said, his voice low. He moved a little closer. "You look amazing." He said.

Olivia gave him a small smile and took the opportunity to let her eyes wonder as his had done.

"Thank you. You look pretty amazing yourself."

He had on a pair of black pants with a stark white shirt, cinched at the neck by a blue tie that matched the color of his eyes perfectly. He was wearing a black suitcoat, and she could see the muscles of his arms straining against the fabric. She took a step closer to him, her heels putting her at the perfect height to align her mouth with his. She leaned in, and she saw Elliot smile slightly, assuming she was going in for a kiss. Instead, she leaned slightly to the right and whispered in his ear. "Are you sure you want to go out?" She said, running a hand across his shoulder and down his arm. Seeing Elliot in his suit, and the way he was looking at her, she started to feel a small throb in her lower belly.

"You can't get me out of my clothes that quickly Liv." He teased. "You're going to have to get through dinner first."

She leaned back and smiled sweetly. That much arrogance should be illegal, but she knew he'd earned the right to be as cocky as he was. She thought she'd be the one driving him to the edge, and yet she had been the first one to suggest they abandon their plans.

She was going to have to watch it. She didn't want him to get the upper hand, so she was going to have to up her game. She stepped back slightly.

"So, are those flowers for me?"

Elliot had temporarily forgotten them, distracted by her dress, the scent of her as she got close, and the incredibly sexy tone of her voice. When she asked him if he still wanted to go out, it had taken everything in him not to push her back into the apartment, rip the dress from her body and take her up against the wall.

He was pretty sure she knew the effect she was having on him, and that she was enjoying the hell out of it.

He handed her the flowers. "I know it's not very creative." He said. "But I can't remember the last time I brought you flowers."

She took them. "It's been a long time." She wasn't one of those women that needed flowers and gifts all the time, but she smiled at the gesture tonight. She had never pegged Elliot as a romantic, and had been surprised by that side of him when they'd first started their relationship five years ago.

She turned and walked into the kitchen, and Elliot followed her. "Do you even have a vase?" she asked.

"Shit." He said, realizing he probably didn't.

"It's OK. We'll make do." She reached up to one of the top cabinets. As she did, her dress rode up higher on her thighs and Elliot cursed under his breath. Why did she have such amazing legs? As he broke his stare, and he realized she was purposefully teasing him, taking a lot longer than necessary to reach whatever she was going for.

He shook his head as he walked up and pressed his body against hers. "Let me help you with that." He whispered in her ear and he felt her shudder. His hand met hers and they pulled down a pitcher together. He took a few steps back and smiled as he saw a flush spread over her chest.

Olivia saw the self-satisfied smile on his face and pressed her lips together. This game they were playing was pretty much going to ensure they were going to have sex in someplace very interesting tonight. She would bet money on it at this point. The warmth in her belly was spreading through her body and the man had barely touched her. It should be a sin to be so damn sexy.

Elliot knew the affect he was having on her, but he had kept his lower body away from her slightly so she wouldn't realize he was already getting aroused as well. She'd always been soft curves and dark eyes and sensuous lips…a body made by Satan himself. Maybe they _should_ reconsider going out…

"Ready to go?" she asked, touching his arm lightly. He flinched at her touch, and looked down into her eyes. She was so close, and like that, his patience was gone. He ran one hand through her hair and brought her mouth to his, kissing her passionately. He cocked his head and deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue between her lips. He walked her body back a few steps until her back was flush against the counter, and he pressed his body against hers as he kissed her without reservation.

It only took a few seconds before Olivia wrapped her arms around his waist and was kissing him back, her tongue tangling with his. She was moaning into his mouth and he dug the fingers of his left hand into her waist. He groaned as his arousal turned into a full hard-on. He ground against her again, but he couldn't get close to her; she was restricted by her dress.

Suddenly, she had her palms against his chest and was pushing him backwards. The force of her action pulled his mouth from hers, and he stared back at her, breathing heavily. He saw the mess he'd made of her lipstick, and touched his fingers to his mouth, knowing he was probably wearing his fair share. The cut on his lip was throbbing, but not as badly as his lower body.

He saw a sly smile cross her face. "I usually don't take my dates to bed until _after_ dinner." She rasped.

Elliot watched incredulously as she reached for her purse on the counter and fished out her lipstick. She seemed cool as a cucumber but he knew she had to be as worked up as he was. He knew her and he knew her body. He knew if he slid a hand up her inner thigh right now, she'd be wet already.

"Usually?" he said, tossing her taunt back at her. "Maybe you can make an exception." He reached for her, but she batted his hand away.

"You asked me out to dinner. So we're going out." He was the one that had declined her earlier offer to postpone dinner, so she wasn't going to cave now. But she was only so strong. She needed to get out of the apartment now, away from temptation, because if he touched her again, she was going to tackle him right there in the kitchen. She wanted to rake her teeth across the skin of his neck and down the hard planes of his chest. She wanted to sink down on top of him and feel him slide deep inside of her.

He tried to slow his breathing, and to get control of the want coursing through his body. He watched as she looked into a small mirror and reapplied her lipstick, and he wanted to grab her and kiss it off again. She threw her lipstick and mirror back in her purse and ran a hand through her hair. She gave him a small smile, and he knew she was trying to regain control of her senses as much as he was. Her chest was still flushed, as were her cheeks, and her eyes were dark as night.

He held out an arm, motioning towards the door. "After you."

Olivia smiled and walked by him, moving towards the door. He couldn't help but look at how her dress hugged her hips and ass. Before she could open the door, Elliot was there with his hand on the knob. He opened the door but before he let her through, he leaned in and whispered into her ear once again. "Tell me you're wearing something under that dress." The thought that she might not be was going to drive him insane, but the way the dress molded to her body…

She shot him a devilish look. "You're going to have to find that out for yourself."

EOEOEOEOEO

The intense foreplay that took place before they even left the restaurant left them both raw and wanting. When they got into the cab, they kept some space between them automatically, as if they each knew it was a necessity for them to get their bodies back under control.

It took about 20 minutes to get to the restaurant. Once they pulled up to the curb, Olivia recognized the spot immediately. It was the very first place he had taken her…their very first formal date… when they had decided they wanted to be more than partners. So many years ago.

She looked back at him and smiled. "We haven't been back here since our very first date." She said quietly. The very first date had been a big deal. Much like this second time around in their relationship, they'd fallen into bed before they'd actually gone out on a date. They had gone out for a really nice dinner…a more formal date…when they finally decided there may be a future for them.

"I know. That's why I wanted to come back. Do you remember much about that night?" he asked.

"I remember everything about that night." She whispered. And she did. She remembered it very clearly. Even though they'd been sleeping together for quite a while, and they had told each other how they felt about each other, they had still used the L word sparingly. But that night, things had changed. Elliot had taken her hand, looked into her eyes, and told her how much he really loved her. She saw his eyes turn glassy as he told her that she held his heart in her hands. And he intertwined his fingers with hers and stared into her eyes, and told her that one day, he was going to marry her.


	40. Chapter 40

_Hey readers! This is my last chapter from beautiful Puerto Rico. I'm finally heading home. Thanks goodness. I hope you enjoy this next chapter! Thanks for the reviews as always!_

EOEOEOEO

The maître d' sat them in a secluded spot in the restaurant. It was a booth in the form of a semi-circle, and Elliot wasted no time in moving to the center and encouraging Olivia to move closer so they were sitting together.

Olivia's mind was racing, and she felt butterflies in her stomach. _Was Elliot going to propose to her tonight?_ When he had brought up the subject previously, she had asked him to ask her sometime in the future. Was that today? She didn't know how she would react if he did. Of course she loved him. She planned on spending the rest of her life with him…as long as that was what he wanted. She knew that was the definition of marriage, but it seemed so…

"Liv?"

She heard him as if through a haze. "What?"

He laughed lightly. "You seem distracted." He could probably hazard a guess as to what she was thinking about. He took her hand in his. "Relax." He said. "We have a long night ahead of us."

Olivia tried to calm her thoughts…and the buzzing in her stomach. The butterflies had taken up residence and it didn't seem like they were leaving anytime soon. She needed to calm down. Maybe she was overthinking the significance of coming to this place. _But he had asked her if she remembered their first date here._

Elliot squeezed her hand. "I'm glad we decided to go out. I feel like things have been so crazy."

"They have." She agreed.

The waiter brought a bottle of wine, and poured some for Elliot. Olivia stifled a small smile when Elliot took the glass and took a sip, as if he was some kind of wine expert. He nodded and the waiter poured some of the deep burgundy wine into their glasses. Olivia motioned for him to stop when she had a third of a glass. She knew the doctor said she could have a little wine now and then, but she wasn't going to push it. She just wanted a taste.

Elliot rested his arm on the back of the booth, letting his fingers dangle and trail along the skin on her back and shoulders. "I'm excited to move to our new place." He squeezed her shoulder. "And to have you there when I get home from work every night."

"What if I'm at work when you get home?" she asked, looking over at him as she took a sip of her wine. She knew he meant that he was just happy to be living under the same roof, but this was a subject she had wanted to talk about.

Elliot hesitated a second, unsure he wanted to have the discussion tonight. He had hoped to keep things light. But he could tell it was on Olivia's mind; she wouldn't have brought it up otherwise. It was probably as good a time as any. "So tell me what you're thinking."

Olivia shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know."

"I don't think that's true." Elliot said, taking a drink from his own glass. "I think you've been thinking about it a lot."

Olivia smiled. He knew her so well. "Well, you know that at first I was thinking I would do something similar to what I was doing in Connecticut. But then as I spent more time in the city, I really started to think about being a cop again. I was excited about it." She looked down at her glass of wine, rolling the stem between her flattened palms.

"Yeah. I know you were." He said. He waited a half a minute to see if she would continue. When she didn't, he prompted her to keep talking. "But you don't want to do that anymore?"

Olivia shook her head slightly. "I don't know."

Elliot knew that wasn't true. "Liv."

She knew by the tone of his voice that he wasn't buying it. She let out a small sigh. "When I was at the apartment the other day, and I saw Manning, I just froze."

"Yeah, so?" Elliot asked.

Olivia turned to face him. "Why didn't my years of training kick in? I stood there and didn't do a thing. Like a civilian." She moved to face forward again. "I've lost my edge."

Elliot laughed. "You can't be serious." He said.

Olivia jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow. "It's not funny."

"Ow!" Elliot yelped quietly, pretending like she'd really hurt him. He slid his hand down her arm and clasped her hand in his. "Liv. You're one of the toughest people I know." He squeezed her hand. "Look at me."

Olivia blew air through her pursed lips, and turned back to look at him. "You're the only person I know that was never afraid to stand up to me." He continued. "You've always been a better shot than me and you're a helluva lot smarter than me. I've seen you take down perps that had 100 pounds on you, and I've never seen you back off from a dangerous situation. I've seen you put yourself in danger time and time again. You've always been fearless…so much so that I always worried about what you'd do to take down a perp."

"That was in the past." She said.

"You left the only place you've ever known to start a new life in a strange place. You started a whole new career, and you went through an entire pregnancy and birth by yourself. You raised a wonderful girl for almost four years. On your own." He ran a hand up her arm and caressed the skin on her bare shoulder. "You've always been the bravest person I know."

She heard every word Elliot said, and she could hear the pride in his voice, but she still felt doubt about her ability now. "But I froze."

"One time…out of a lifetime of events that prove just the opposite."

"You have more faith in me than I have in myself." She said.

Elliot cupped her chin with his hand and turned her to face him. "I have all the faith in the world. There is no doubt in my mind that you can do whatever you want to do."

Olivia lowered her eyes, avoiding his stare.

"Liv. I know things aren't the same as when you were a cop before. Having kids makes you think about things differently, and I know that's an adjustment. Seeing Manning was the first time your two worlds collided. It was a moment's hesitation. You told me that as soon as he started to cross the street, you went inside."

Olivia looked back at him again. "Yes, I did."

"You already said you weren't going to go back to anything dangerous. So why are you being so hard on yourself?" He dropped his hand from her chin.

"I don't know. I guess when I was a cop, I was used to my badass reputation. I can honestly say that there wasn't much that fazed me."

"Believe me Liv. Your legend lives on. No one's going to mess with you." He took another sip of wine. "And with your smarts and your people skills, you'll be great at whatever you decide to do."

"So you wouldn't mind if I decided to go back to the NYPD?"

Elliot hesitated a second, debating what to say. He knew he had to be honest. "Honestly? When you first told me you wanted to go back to being a cop, I wasn't very happy. But that was because I thought you wanted to go back to SVU or someplace else where you'd be out on the streets, in dangerous situations. And without me there to have your back. But when you told me what you were thinking, I feel a lot better about it." He placed his hand over hers. "And I will always support whatever you want to do. So even if you told me that you were going back on the street, I'd back you."

Olivia shook her head. "With Elise…and a new baby, I don't think that's what I want to do. Going back on the street I mean."

"I know that makes me feel a little better."

"But I'm going to explore all of my options." She said.

"But you're definitely going to get your badge and gun back?"

"I think so."

"I like it when you have a gun. Makes me worry less." He said with a chuckle. The waiter chose that moment to take their order and that seemed to be the end of _that_ conversation. Elliot ordered some sparkling water and asked him to take the wine away.

"You don't have to do that." She said. "You can keep drinking."

Elliot shook his head. "No need."

Olivia smiled in appreciation of his support.

"So" Elliot said, wanting to lighten the mood again. "What do you think my chances are of getting lucky tonight?" he wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"Wow, you really haven't dated much in your life. You're not actually supposed to ask. Especially this early in the evening." She raised one manicured eyebrow, loving the expression on his face. "At this point, I haven't made up my mind yet."

"Anything I can do to improve my chances?"

"You have to figure that out for yourself." She teased. "I'm not giving you all the answers."

Elliot smiled; a broad grin that Olivia recognized. A blatant look of confidence. Arrogance. "I think I like my chances." He teased.

"That attitude isn't going to work in your favor." She said. "I don't give it up that easily. Especially on a first date."

Elliot laughed. "You've been on a lot of dates lately?"

"I've dated more in my life than you."

Elliot's smile turned into a small scowl, and he realized he'd opened up a subject he didn't really want to talk about. "Yeah, I don't want to talk about that. I choose to believe that you were just trying to make me jealous with all the dating you did, and get me to come to my senses."

Olivia smiled back at him. "You're absolutely right." She said, wanting to ease the mood. She moved her hand to rest on his thigh. "It just took you a lot longer than I thought it would."

"Are you calling me a slow learner?"

She shrugged and laughed lightly. "If the shoe fits…"

Elliot dropped his arm across her shoulder and pulled her tight against him. He leaned into her and pressed his lips against her ear. "OK, maybe it took me a while, but you have to admit, I'm making up for lost time."

Olivia couldn't help but smile. "You certainly are." She was still nervous, and realized she was trying to read into everything he said. She needed to take control of the situation. She dug her fingers lightly into his thigh and ran them down to his knee and back. He jumped slightly as she got closer to the top of his thigh. He put his hand on top of hers, effectively stopping her movement.

"You'd better watch what you're doing with that hand or else the other diners are going to get a show."

Olivia shook her head. "You're all talk and no action Stabler."

Elliot narrowed his eyes. "Is that a challenge?"

Olivia pressed her lips together and gave him a daring look.

But before Elliot could say anything else, their food arrived. They both laughed again, the challenge forgotten.

The conversation turned to lighter topics, such as things they needed to get for the new apartment, Kathleen's upcoming birthday and Maureen's boyfriend (soon to be fiancé?). Olivia felt herself relaxing. Elliot didn't seem nervous, or like he had anything else on his mind, so she realized that maybe it really was just a date. She must have been reading too much into his earlier statement, the location, and the implication of it.

The food was delicious, and Olivia felt good. Happy. She realized how much she had really needed a night out.

"Thanks for taking me out tonight. I guess I didn't realize how stressed I was. But right now, I feel like everything has slowed down. I really needed this." She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss. "Thank you."

Elliot rested his arm across her shoulders again, and toyed with the strap of her dress. "You're welcome." He nodded. "We definitely need to do this more often. It's going to be even more important going forward."

Olivia knew he what he was referring too. A new job, a new routine for Elise, a new baby. Things were only going to get more complicated. "At least we're living in the same city." She said. Trying to manage their time together had been a huge challenge.

"Amen." He said. "I'm glad we finally got our shit together." He ran his hand down her arm. "It's been a long time coming." He felt her stiffen under his hand, and smiled inwardly. She'd been nervous off and on all night, and he knew he'd thrown her a bit by bringing her here. Or maybe she thought he was referring to her flight five years ago. "Relax Liv." He had really been intent on having some time alone tonight. On having some fun and just relaxing. He wasn't about to steer the conversation into something that would potentially bring hard feelings or some kind of argument. "Let's order dessert."

Olivia shook her head. "No dessert for me. I'm going to gain enough weight as it is."

"You're going to look amazing. I can't wait to see you with a big belly." He meant it. The whole thing was absolutely amazing to him; he was still sad he had missed that with Elise.

"Yeah, right."

"Just wait. I won't be able to keep my hands off of you." He said.

"And that's different how?" she teased.

Elliot laughed. "I guess you're right." The waiter came to tell them about dessert, and Olivia took that opportunity to excuse herself.

Elliot reached for her arm as she started to slide out of the booth. "You don't need to check on the kids on your way to the bathroom. Liz texted me and their home safe and sound."

She smiled back at him. It was so annoying how well he knew her sometimes. She hadn't even seen him check his phone. "Fine. I'll be right back."

Olivia couldn't help but check her phone as she walked to the bathroom. She was surprised to see if was still relatively early. She felt like she didn't want the night to end. She didn't want to return to the real world…not quite yet. When she finished going to the bathroom, she ran her fingers through her hair and touched up her lipstick. She took a quick look in the mirror and then headed back out to Elliot.

When she got back, she saw that he was paying the bill. She felt a small sense of disappointment. She wasn't quite sure if it was because their evening was coming to an end, or if subconsciously she had thought something more was going to happen that night. She decided it was the former, because she didn't think she was quite ready for the latter.

"What happened to dessert?" she asked.

"I'm really full." He said. He took her hand in his as she slid into the booth again. He placed a small kiss on the back of her hand. "But I'm not quite ready to go home. I thought maybe we could go somewhere else and have dessert. I know you said you didn't want any, but hopefully we can find something to share."

Olivia smiled. "That sounds like a great idea."

The exited the restaurant after paying the check. The sun had just set, and it was still relatively warm outside. Elliot took Olivia's hand in his, and intertwined his fingers in hers. "Want to walk a little?" He looked down at her heels, a question in his eye.

"Sure. That sounds good." She pulled her hand from Elliot's and tucked her right arm through his left. Elliot reached over with his right hand and placed it over where her arm linked with his and they started strolling down the street.

Olivia let out a sigh of contentment. All her life, she had watched couples together. Walking down the street, having picnics in Central Park, getting coffee. All of the ordinary things in life that had always eluded her. She leaned in to Elliot and rested her head lightly on his shoulder. "I'm really happy Elliot." She said quietly.

Elliot leaned over and placed a kiss on top of her head. "Me too. I feel like the luckiest guy alive."

She laughed lightly, but didn't say anything else. They walked in silence, as if neither one of them wanted to break the mood. There were lots of people out, and it was just nice to walk and to take it all in.

They'd been walking for almost a half an hour when they walked by a small café that Olivia recognized. "They have good desserts here." She said. "Do you want to stop?"

Elliot shook his head. "I have another place in mind. Is that OK?"

Olivia shrugged. "Sure."

"OK, we need to get a cab." He released her arm and stepped off the cab, raising his hand to try to flag a cab. She saw him lean in and talk to the cabbie, and then he was ushering her into the car. As the driver took off, she looked over at him.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

Olivia leaned back and watched the scenery as the cab wove through the city streets. They skirted Central Park and they passed MOMA. A few minutes later, they were pulling up in front of the Waldorf Astoria.

Olivia turned and looked at him with a surprise on her face. "We're having dessert here?"

Elliot exited the car and then leaned back in, holding out his hand to help her out. "No." he said, as he helped her out of the car. "We're staying here."

"What?" She was confused.

Elliot pulled her body back against his, wrapping her arms around her and resting his chin on her shoulder. "We're staying here tonight."

"We can't afford…"

"Liv. Stop."

"But…"

"I wanted you all to myself tonight. No interruptions. Liz is staying with Elise. Its fine."

"It's so expensive."

"I wanted to treat you. We never do stuff like this."

"But I don't have any clothes."

Elliot bit down lightly on the shell of her ear. "You're not going to need any." He growled in her ear.

She shook her head. "El."

Elliot spun her around, keeping his arms wrapped around her waist. "Olivia, just let yourself enjoy it. We never get to do stuff like this. I just wanted to steal you away and have a night all to ourselves. I want to make love to you, have a night of uninterrupted sleep, wake up without the assistance of a four-year-old or a call from the precinct, and then make love to you all over again. Is that horrible?"

She shook her head. "It sounds pretty wonderful." She had to admit she hadn't wanted this night to end, and everything he described sounded like heaven. Although if she knew Elliot, she wasn't going to get much sleep tonight. And she was absolutely good with that.

Elliot released her then and they walked up the front steps into the lobby. He bypassed the front desk and headed to the elevator.

"You already checked in?" she asked.

"I was here this afternoon. I didn't want to mess around with checking in tonight. Where do you think I changed?"

She hadn't really thought about it, but now that he brought it up, she realized he hadn't been wearing this suit when he left the apartment with Elise and Liz. "You're sneaky." She said, laughing.

They stepped into the elevator, and as soon as the doors closed, Elliot pressed her lightly against the wall. He kissed her gently…softly. She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Better be careful, spoiling me like this. A girl could get used to it."

That got a chuckle out of him. "Yeah, well don't." He kissed her again and then the elevator doors opened. He motioned for her to go out and he followed close behind her, pointing down the hallway towards their room. "Room 424."

Elliot keyed the door and held it open, motioning for Olivia to walk in. She walked into the room, and was confused for a moment. The room was lightly lit and it took her a moment to realize the light was coming from candles that were placed all around the room. There had to be more than a dozen. In front of her was a small seating area, and on the table was a vase with what looked like a dozen red roses. She put her hands to her mouth, her fingers pressed together. The room was beautiful. It was so romantic and she realized Elliot had taken considerable time to plan this. He really was too good to her sometimes. She turned to face him, her lower lashes brimming with tears. "This is so sweet…" Her voice trailed off as she turned to see Elliot down on one knee, a small velvet box in his hand. She uttered a small gasp, completely unprepared for the moment.

"Olivia." He took a deep breath. "Liv. The day you walked into my life, I didn't realize that my life was about to change forever. I didn't know that I had just met the person who would become my best friend and the love of my life. I didn't know that I'd just met the smartest, kindest, bravest woman I would ever know. I didn't realize that your beauty, inside and out, would tug at my heart until I couldn't breathe." He shook his head almost imperceptibly. "I'm not the smartest man. I'm not the richest man. I don't always say the right things and I don't always listen. There are a million reasons why you shouldn't love a stubborn son-of-a-bitch like me; why you deserve someone better. But you make me want to be a better person every day, and I hope you'll give me the opportunity to try to be the man I want to be and to be the man you deserve. You're the other half of me, and I can't imagine my life without you."

He opened the ring box and stared right into her eyes. "Olivia Benson…will you marry me?"

Tears spilled over her lower lashes then, and she was struck speechless by his words and by the look in his eyes. Love. Fear. Hope. She couldn't seem to find her voice and the tears were flowing freely now. Their life together, from the day she had walked into the squad room, flashed through her mind like a movie, and she knew things had come to their inevitable conclusion. She looked at Elliot, the man she loved more than anything in this world, and she nodded.

"Yes, I'll marry you." She said, her voice a mere whisper.

Elliot stood up and took the few steps to where she was standing. He wrapped his arms around her, picking her up off the ground and hugging her tightly against him. She wrapped her arms around him and laughed lightly. He pressed his lips into her hair. "I love you so much." He set her back down and tangled his hand in her hair. He kissed her then, a kiss full of hope and love and desire. She was kissing him back, and tears were still streaming down her cheeks, her mind trying to process what was happening.

Elliot broke the kiss and took a step back. He held up the ring box which was still in his hand. "May I?"

Olivia nodded again, and Elliot pulled the ring from the box. She held out her left hand, and he could see she was trembling. He saw her eyes follow his hand as he slid the ring onto her finger. She looked at the ring on her finger for a moment and then back up at him, meeting his eyes.

"I can't believe this is happening." She said, her voice still a whisper. When they'd left the restaurant, she had pretty much thought she had misread the entire situation. He had really thrown her off.

"I wanted it to be perfect. I know I didn't say all the right things…" He had an idea in his head of all the things he wanted to say. He had even practiced it, but when it came time to tell her, he felt tongue-tied and it didn't come out the way he wanted it to.

Olivia pressed her fingers to his lips, silencing him. "It was perfect." She said. "Absolutely perfect." She motioned around the room. "It's beautiful. I'll never forget this night."

Elliot pulled her against his body, wrapping his arms around her completely. "I love you so much. And I'm going to spend the rest of my life proving it to you."


	41. Chapter 41

Elliot released her from his embrace. He ran his hands down her arms until he held her hands in his. He held up her left hand, and the ring sparkled in the candlelight. "It's wonderful to see that ring on your finger." He said, grinning from ear to ear.

"It's beautiful Elliot." She moved her hand back and forth to pick up the light. The ring was gold with a single diamond in the middle, nestled solidly amongst four prongs that set it up above the band. Then there were three diamonds on either size, diminishing in size as you went down the band in either direction. She smiled at him. "You know me so well." It was exactly the kind of ring she would have picked out. She didn't want anything too gaudy or pretentious.

Elliot laughed. "I would hope so." He watched her looking at the ring, and as she looked back at him, he was blindsided by what he saw. Her eyes were bright…clear. There was no sign of hesitation. Of uncertainty. He had hoped it would be like this, but Olivia was always slightly unpredictable. He hadn't been sure how she would react…if she was ready. He looked at her and he couldn't stop grinning. He felt a sense of relief wash through him. Even though he hadn't been afraid of her leaving him anymore, her acceptance of his proposal meant so much. She wanted a future…a happily ever after…with him.

Olivia pulled her hands from his and walked over to the roses. "This is all so amazing." She waved her arms around the room. She bent over slightly to smell the roses sitting on the table. She swiveled her head to look at him. "Flowers twice in one day?" she said. "Better be careful. I'll get spoiled." She teased as she straightened up and turned to face him again.

"So…" he said, taking a step towards her. "Have I improved my chances at all?"

Olivia raised an eyebrow and took a few steps back, moving into the room a little more. She looked around the room, the candlelight flickering and casting a romantic glow on everything. She turned back to look at him with a seductive smile on her face.

"I would say, Detective Stabler, that you have improved your chances _considerably_." She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and raked her eyes up and down his body. She walked back up to him, swaying her hips slightly. She grasped his tie between her fingers and started tugging at it, her eyes focused on his. She ran her tongue along her bottom lip, dropping her eyes to his chest. She pulled on his tie again, inching his face towards hers, until her mouth ghosted over his. "Considerably."

Elliot's eyes dropped to her mouth as his hands grasped her hips. He pulled her lower body against his. "So now I get to find out exactly what you're wearing beneath that dress?"

She pulled away, dropping his tie and forcing him to drop his hands from her hips. She turned and moved a few paces away. When she turned, she was looking down at the ring on her hand. She had her lips pressed together and she looked up at him with a serious expression.

Elliot's heart stopped for a second, unsure of what she was going to say.

"I know how traditional you can be…" Olivia started.

Elliot furrowed his brow, wondering what she was going to say. "What are you talking about?" he asked. He didn't even want to hazard a guess as to what was going through her mind right now.

She looked down at the ring again, and then back up at him through the fringe of her lashes. "Maybe we should wait now. You know, until the wedding."

"What?"

Olivia had to stifle a laugh. Elliot's expression right now was priceless. If he only knew how much she wanted to rip that tie and shirt from his body RIGHT NOW. "You know. Some people take a vow of celibacy until the wedding. Then it makes the wedding night special."

Elliot scrubbed a hand across his jaw. He was pretty sure she was fucking with him, but he couldn't be 100% certain. He had heard of people doing that. He even seemed to remember Kathy suggesting something similar but they had gotten married so quickly and they were hormonal teenagers, so it hadn't been something they'd really seriously considered.

 _Fuck_. He wanted her so badly. He looked at her face, trying to read her. But as usual, had a goddamned poker face.

Olivia wasn't a sadist, but she was loving this a little. She had seen all kinds of emotions on Elliot's face in the last sixty seconds, and she could tell he was trying to decide if she was serious. She would love to keep torturing the man because it was fun to have the upper hand every once in a while. But she didn't have the heart after everything he had done tonight.

She broke into a grin and shook her head. "Sometimes you make it so easy."

Elliot's look of uncertainty turned into a scowl. "You are going to pay for that Benson." He snarled as he stalked over towards her. He wrapped his right arm around her waist and pulled her body against his. He tangled his left hand in her hair, tilting her head as his mouth descended on hers. He wasn't gentle as his mouth met hers. He nipped at her lips until she opened her mouth to him, and he continued to ravish her mouth with his. He heard a moan as his tongue swiped against hers, and he held her tighter against his body, her breasts pushed into his chest.

He released her mouth with a low rumble then, and looked down at the devastation he had caused. Her lipstick was smeared, and her lips were slightly red, the skin around her mouth irritated from his stubble.

"I'm not afraid of you." She said, her voice low. "I can take whatever you've got Stabler." She looked up at him through her lowered lashes…her voice thick…slow and lazy. Seductive.

Elliot smiled. That pretty much summed up their entire relationship…why they had become who they were today. Olivia had never backed down…never backed away from him. She was one person who had never been afraid of him no matter what he dished out and he knew she was the one person that really understood him. Saw him for who he was. And accepted him anyway.

The ferocity was gone; replaced by overwhelming tenderness towards her. Another dynamic in their relationship. This push and pull. "God, I don't think you have any idea how much I absolutely love you." He said, moving his left hand to her cheek. "That word doesn't even seem adequate to describe how I feel about you."

"I know." Olivia whispered. "I feel the same way."

Elliot dropped his left arm from her face and in one quick move, scooped her legs up and held her in his arms, bridal style. Olivia let out a small sound of surprise, but then her face settled into a small smile and she wrapped her arms around his neck. She placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I'm really happy El." She said softly, kissing him again. "This entire night. It's like a dream. I never expected this."

Her words tugged at Elliot's heart, thinking about all of the things she never expected to happen. All of the things she'd let go. He was glad he could give her a little piece of the fairy tale. "You deserve it Liv. Just as much as anyone else. Maybe more." He started walking towards the bed.

Olivia swung her head to the right, and saw the bed getting closer. She turned back to Elliot. "So…I guess you don't want to wait then." She teased, lightening the mood.

"Not a chance in hell." He said gruffly, setting her back on the ground gently. He took her face in his hands and kissed her again. He ran one hand through her hair, and she wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him tightly against her body. She ran her hands up and down his back, marveling as she always did at the muscles and ridges in his body. The man literally was all muscle and she shuddered slightly at the thought of his naked body against hers.

Elliot dropped his mouth to her neck, sucking gently on her pulse point and earning a low moan. "But if you really want to…" he teased as he placed open mouthed kisses down her neck. He knew she wouldn't be able to hold out any more than she would. "We can." He pulled his mouth from her neck and his body from hers and he swore he saw her knees buckle slightly.

Olivia looked up at him through hazy eyes as he caught her around the waist again. "Arrogant bastard." She whispered, grabbing his tie and trying to loosen it. The man had barely kissed her and she was already a puddle, anxious to just get him naked and moving against her.

Elliot grabbed her hand and stopped. "No. You first." He set his hands on her shoulders and ran them down to her biceps, wrapping his fingers around her arms lightly. The dress she was wearing fit her like a second skin, and he hadn't been kidding when he said he was wondering what the hell she was wearing beneath it.

Olivia had a small pout on her face as she looked up at him. She had wanted to get her hands against his skin, but she knew there was no fighting him on this. She flattened her palms against his chest and pushed slightly. He hadn't been expecting it, and his hands released her arms and he took a couple of steps back, a puzzled look on his face.

Olivia reached down under her arm, finding the start of the zipper. She watched Elliot's face as she lowered it, watching as his eyes followed her hands. She reached up to her shoulders then, and pushed the fabric to the side, holding on to it a second until she continued to pull it down her arms. She had never been particularly shy about her body, and Elliot had seen her naked so many times…but she still felt a small tingle as he watched her. The look of anticipation on his face made it seem like the first time.

She bared her breasts, her eyes never wavering from watching his, and saw the moment he realized she wasn't wearing a bra. He let out a small growl as she pulled the dress down over her hips and let it drop to the floor. She stood watching as he appraised her, his eyes raking up and down her body, as she stood before him in nothing but a small scrap of black lace.

Elliot breathed in harshly. " _Fuck me_." He said quietly and Olivia wondered if he knew he had said it out loud.

Elliot took a step towards her, reaching out for her as he did, but she stopped him cold with another hand to his chest. She shook her head. "No." she said breathlessly. She ran her hand down his chest. "Your turn."

"Liv." He started to protest. He had to touch her… _now_.

She reached for his tie again. "It's only fair." She said, tugging his tie again so his mouth was close to hers. She pressed her lips ever so slightly against his and then pulled back. "I'll help you."

Elliot groaned as she worked the tie from around his neck. She started unbuttoning his shirt, placing kisses across his chest. She seemed to be taking her time, making this a torturous striptease, only he was the one being tortured. "Liv." He gasped as she ran her hand back up his chest, pushing his shirt off his broad shoulders. She grazed his chest with her breasts and it took everything in him not to grab her and push her down on the bed.

"Patience." She murmured against his chest. She pulled his shirt down and off his arms, letting it drop to the floor. She ran her hands down his biceps, squeezing them as she kissed her way down his chest to his abdomen.

Elliot closed his eyes. He couldn't look at her as she worked her way down his body. The scene would be too erotic, and he was already hard as hell. He felt her hands on his belt and he groaned against at how long it was taking her to undo it. He wanted to rip her hands from his waist and rip his belt and pants off himself if it meant she would stop this slow torture and he could touch her.

Olivia felt Elliot's body jolt as she ghosted her mouth over his erection, still buried in layers beneath his pants and underwear. She was down on her knees now, and she looked up at him, seeing nothing but his broad chest and his head leaning back slightly with his eyes closed. She pulled the belt open and went for the zipper, pushing his pants down his hips. She saw he was fisting his hands at his sides, and she knew it was a show of great restraint that he wasn't touching her.

She ran her tongue up the length of him and he let out a string of curse words that almost made her want to laugh. _Not always the good choirboy_. She smiled, knowing she was torturing him. But she also knew that he was completely aware that she wasn't unaffected by this either. The small lace panties she was wearing were soaked…and the fact that he would already know that made her skin flush even more.

Elliot choked back another series of groans. This woman. She was killing him slowly. His want was intense…suffocating.

"Elliot." She rasped, looking up at him.

He didn't want to look at her, but he couldn't help himself. He opened his eyes and looked down just as she reached for the waistband of his underwear. She was looking up at him through the tangle of dark lashes, and she was wearing the most seductive look on her face as she started to pull his briefs down over his hips.

"Liv." He strangled out as his erection was freed and his briefs dropped to his ankles. "I can't." he growled. If she touched him, or worse yet, took him that fucking sexy mouth of hers, he was going to come hard. It pissed him off that he had no control when it came to her, but he didn't want it to end like that right now. He needed to be buried deep inside of her, his hands on her thighs and his mouth on her breast, making her come for him over and over again. It's what he always wanted.

He hooked his hands under her arms and hauled her up off her knees.

"El." She protested.

He tangled his hand in her hair. "Not tonight." He rasped, kissing her as he walked her back towards the bed. When the back of her legs hit the bed, she fell backwards with a small laugh. She pulled herself back slightly on the bed, and sat propped up on her elbows with her long legs stretched in front of her as he stood at the edge of the bed. He started to climb on the bed, but she shook her head.

"Stop." She said, a devilish smile on her face.

"What?" he asked, exasperation in his tone.

She raised an eyebrow. "You got an eyeful. It's my turn." She let her eyes rove over his chest and down his abdomen. She loved the cut of his muscles as his waist narrowed. She bit her lower lip, always amazed at this man's body. No one his age should look this good. Her eyes fell to his erection and she felt a tingle in her lower body at the thought of him pushing his way inside of her; the man did have a right to brag, and she always marveled at the way their bodies fit together so perfectly. Her eyes flicked back up to his, and she flushed slightly at the expression on his face. He knew what she was thinking.

Elliot had an amused look on his face as he watched Olivia looking him up and down. He knew it was only fair, but he was anxious to get his skin against hers. "You almost done?" he asked, a smirk on his face.

Olivia shook her head. "No." She smiled, waving her hand. "Turn around."

"Olivia." He said, the grin fading. When he saw the expression on her face, he knew she wasn't budging. "Fine." He grumbled. He turned around, flexing his ass as he did so.

Olivia felt another rush of heat course through her. _Damn_. He was always talking about her ass but the man was rock solid everywhere, and she wanted the force of him between her legs.

"Elliot." She rasped out. "Come here." He turned and saw she was holding out her hand to him and he was on the bed in two seconds. She spread her legs as he crawled towards her, and pretty soon his erection was pressed intimately against lace. She was rocking her hips into hip as his mouth descending on hers, and she wrapped her hands around his waist, letting them fall on his ass. She grabbed him and pulled him tightly against her as she lifted her hips again and again.

Elliot ran a hand up her side, spreading his palm against her rib cage. He slid his hand up, palming her breast with his hand. He squeezed gently, and then ran his thumb back and forth across her nipple. She jolted slightly as he did so, and he pinched and squeezed as she kept rocking against him.

Olivia wrenched her mouth from his, trying to catch her breath. She was so wet that he was practically penetrating her through panties. "El." She gasped as he lowered his mouth to her right breast while his hand continued to tease her left. "Fuuuhh." She groaned. She could feel her orgasm building in her body as he continued to rock against her, knocking her clit. It was becoming overwhelming and she cursed his name again and again. He shouldn't be able to make her come this quickly.

"Off." She rasped. She wanted to rip off her panties and feel him slip inside of her.

Elliot bit down lightly on her right nipple, and then quickly soothed it with his tongue. He could feel her body trembling and he knew she was close to coming. He moved his hand from her breast and reached down, sliding his hand between her folds as he continued to tease her entrance with his cock. He slid his fingers over her sensitive nub and felt her body jolt as he slid his fingers through her wetness.

"Come on Liv. Let go." He rasped against her skin. He wanted to rip off her panties and drive inside of her, but he wouldn't be able to handle her climax; it would drive him over the edge if he was inside of her. He was teasing her with his fingers and she was gasping beneath him and trying to get him inside of her but h pulled his hips up slightly.

"Bastard." She gasped when she realized he wasn't going to give her what she wanted. She closed her eyes as the waves of pleasure coursed through her body. "Ohgodohgod" became her mantra as she felt her orgasm rip through her body and she arched her back into him as he slid his fingers from between her legs. He whispered in her ear, but she had no idea what he was saying as she rode the waves of pleasure coursing through her.

He peppered her neck and shoulders with kisses as she tried to regain her senses. She felt spent; completely relaxed and sated. Her eyes swung lazily to Elliot's as he lifted his head to look at her.

He saw the look on her face. "Uh-uh. You're not getting a nap right now. That was just an appetizer." He said, wedging his erection against her again.

Olivia laughed lightly. 'I can't believe you just said that." She raked her fingernails up his back. "You think I forgot about you?" she asked, wrapping her long legs around him. "I'm the one that told you to take these stupid things OFF." She lifted her hips, making him groan as he was blocked by lace.

He reached down and dragged one side of her panties down one hip, frustrated that he couldn't get them off with one hand. He started to tug at them, but Olivia slid her hands down and pushed them down her own hips. Elliot used his knee to get them past her knees and she kicked them off.

Elliot wasted no time; he slipped a hand under her left thigh and pulled her leg upwards, opening her up to him even more. He placed more kisses on the swell of her breasts before his mouth found hers again. He lined himself up with her entrance, letting out another moan as she lifted her hips to meet him. She was so wet as he pushed inside f her. He ripped his mouth from hers and dropped his head against her shoulder as he filled her.

Olivia was raking her hands up and down his back, her fingernails digging into his flesh as he moved inside of her. She arched her back as Elliot pushed her thigh higher, trying to go deeper. The heat inside of her was almost unbearable; he filled her so completely and he felt her muscles clenching around him.

She was moaning deeply with each thrust as he moved against her. His head was still buried against her shoulder and Olivia slid her hands down his back, feeling his muscles working beneath them. He was grunting as he continued to fuck into her, their bodies flushed from exertion.

Olivia snaked her hands up around his neck, pulling him down against her which caused his arm to buckle.

"What the fuck?" Elliot spat out, faltering against her. She took advantage of his confusion and rolled him over, breaking their intimate connection. She pushed Elliot over on his back and pinned his hands against the bed. She leaned in to kiss him, her hair fanning out over his face. She slid her tongue inside his mouth and moaned, moving her legs on either side of his hips. Before she could move, Elliot pushed her off of him.

Olivia was the one that was confused now. _Was he mad that she had taken charge?_

Elliot moved up so he was sitting with his back against the headboard, his legs sprawled out in front of him. "Come here." He grabbed her forearms and pulled her towards him. Olivia gave him a sultry smile and climbed over his body, with one knee on either side of him. Elliot grabbed her ass and lowered her slowly down his shaft. Olivia sank down on him, and both of them moaned at how deep he was inside of her. She dropped her head against his shoulder as she adjusted to the new position. Elliot lifted her up again, and Olivia lifted her head and grabbed the headboard on either side of him. She let Elliot set the pace, letting out a low guttural moan each time she slid down against him.

Elliot looked at her flushed skin, and watched as her breasts bobbed with each thrust. He let go of her ass and let her control the pace as he took a breast in each hand, squeezing and massaging them. He flicked his thumbs across both breasts, and he dropped his head back as Olivia quickened the pace.

"Fuuucckk." Elliot groaned. His entire body was throbbing with the need for release; he was trying to hold on but Olivia was rotating her hips with each thrust and her voice was one, long low moan. He felt her walls start to clench around him. He let his hands slide from her breasts to her hips and he took over for her, lifting her body and then slamming it down against him.

He looked at her and saw she had her eyes closed. Her skin was flushed and she was covered with a sheen of sweat. Her hands dropped from the headboard to his shoulder and he let out a yell as she dug her fingernails into his skin. When she dropped her head back and tightened her muscles around him, he couldn't hold on any longer. He slammed her down against him once more and let himself go, releasing inside of her. He felt her clenching around him and his orgasm triggered hers, gripping him like a vise as he continued to release inside of her. His fingers clenched her hips so hard that he was sure she would have bruises in the morning. She collapsed against him, fighting for breath as her body continued to shudder against him.

Her hands left his shoulders and she ran them up the sides of his face, trailing them over his scalp as she stole a kiss. She dropped her head against his shoulder again, and he wrapped his arms around her, placing a few kisses in her hair. He let his hands trace patterns down her back until he reached her ass. He squeezed gently, loving the feeling of her skin against his, their bodies still connected.

He held her until both of their breathing slowed. He wondered if she had fallen asleep against his shoulder because she hadn't said a word.

"Liv." He said quietly. "You OK?"

"Mmm." She mumbled.

He ran his hands up and down her back. "Hey. Are you sleeping?"

"Mmm."

Elliot ran his hands down to her ass again, trying to lift her. He pulled out of her gently and her head popped up as she grabbed her left thigh.

"Ahh." She said.

"Your thighs hurt?" he asked, rolling her over gently so she was lying on her back. He ran his hand down her upper thigh, trying to massage the muscles there. "Sorry."

Olivia opened her eyes. "It's fine. Guess I need to go to the gym a little more often." She said.

"You're perfect." Elliot said, kissing her nose. "Absolutely perfect." He let his eyes rove down her body and back up again. He lay down on his back and pulled her up against his left side.

Olivia rested her hand on his chest, and as she moved her hand, she saw her ring sparkle in the candlelight. It caught her by surprise; she wasn't used to seeing a ring on that finger. She lifted her hand off his chest and looked at it.

Elliot grabbed her hand with his and held it there. "Do you like it?" he asked. It had been really hard to pick out something that he thought she'd like. He felt like he'd looked at a hundred options.

"I love it Elliot." She threw her left leg over his and snuggled her head into his shoulder as he rested his hand on her hip. "With everything going on, when did you have time to shop for a ring?" She wondered if one, or all, of his daughters had helped him pick it out.

"Well, to be honest, I've had it for a while." He said, feeling her smile against his skin.

"Oh yeah?" she said, wondering at what point he had decided he was going to ask her. In the whole scheme of things, they hadn't been back together that long. He was still holding her hand and she intertwined her fingers with his. "So you've been planning this for a while?" she asked, interested in the details.

Elliot shrugged. "Yeah."

He was being vague, and now her curiosity was really piqued. "Tell me. When did you decide? When did you buy this?" She moved their conjoined hands so the ring sparkled in the light again.

"Does it matter? It's on your finger now and that's what's important." He placed a kiss on the top of her head.

Olivia kissed his shoulder gently, but her mind was mulling over the fact that he was dodging the question. Was there something odd about the ring or where he'd gotten it? Another thought popped into her head suddenly. "Is it a family heirloom or something?" She'd die if it was something that he had given to Kathy at one point in time.

"No Liv." God, she exasperated him sometimes. "I bought it five years ago. I was going to ask you to marry me then…before you left. Are you happy now?" He felt her stiffen against him and even though she had been pushing him, he wished he hadn't blurted it out.

"What?" she pulled her hand from his and disentangled herself until she was sitting next to him.

"Just forget I said that." Elliot said, knowing there was no way she would.

She turned away from him, his words searing her. She knew she'd hurt him when he left, but maybe she had always underestimated the amount of pain she left behind.

Elliot placed one hand of each of her shoulder. "Please don't." He knew exactly what she was thinking right now; he could feel the tension in her body. "When you left, I locked the ring away, hoping that someday, I'd be in a position to ask you. And here we are."

"But you went back home to Kathy. Why would you have kept it?"

"I think I knew in my heart it was never going to work a home with Kathy. I don't even know why I ever thought it would." He slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her back against his body. She didn't resist, melting back against him. "How many times do I have to tell you that my heart belongs to you?" He whispered into her ear. "That ring was going to go on your finger, or sit in a lockbox."

"But…" She hated that she had left him so many years ago and caused so much pain; and now she found out it was even worse than she thought. She didn't know how he ever forgave her.

"Olivia!" Elliot said forcefully. "Look at me."

Olivia hesitated a moment, and then turned so she was facing him again on the bed.

"I already told you that the past was just that. In the past. I don't want to dwell on that anymore. It's done."

"I'm so sorry Elliot." She whispered, cupping his face with her hand.

Elliot put his hand over hers. "You don't need to apologize anymore. I already told you that. OK?"

"OK." She said. The depth of his forgiveness was amazing to her. She wasn't sure she would have been able to do the same if the tables had been turned.

"Are you going to marry me?" he asked, giving her a small smile.

"I already said I would."

"And you're not changing your mind?"

She shook her head. "No." She said it without hesitation.

"Then shut up." He said, laughing as he leaned in and kissed her. When he pulled his lips from hers, he saw a smile there.

"You're such a sweet talker."

"I shouldn't have told you that. And maybe I should have gotten a different ring…"

"No!" she said sharply. "You chose this for me. Doesn't matter when. I love it."

"Then let's just focus on the future. OK?"

Olivia smiled again. "OK."

Elliot lay back down on the bed and pulled her down with him. He rolled on his side and Olivia wedged one thigh in between his. Elliot kissed her gently. "So…who are we going to tell first?"

"Well…" Olivia started, a sheepish grin on her face.

Elliot laughed. "Let me guess. You already promised Casey she'd be the first to know."

Olivia nodded slightly. "Kind of."

"Do you want to call her now?" he asked.

"Are you kidding me?" she asked. "You rented this amazing suite. Which we can't afford." She tugged him over her as she rolled onto her back. "We're going to get our money's worth."


	42. Chapter 42

Olivia woke up and for once, Elliot's body wasn't wrapped around hers. The room was dark and she realized he must have gotten up and blown out all of the candles once she'd fallen asleep. There was a little ambient light coming through the drawn curtains, and she saw the luminous numbers on the bedside clock telling her that it was a little after 3.

She pulled back the sheet that was covering them, glancing back at Elliot. He was sprawled on his back with one arm thrown over his head. He was snoring lightly and she watched him for a moment, marveling at the man that would be her husband one day. She would remember this night forever, and she was glad that Elliot was a closet romantic. She didn't have a romantic bone in her body; those notions were something other people dreamed about. She had learned at a young age that her life was different. That she wouldn't have the things that everyone else had…so she stopped wanting them so that the pain wasn't as acute.

She looked down at the ring on her hand. Maybe it would be OK to dream a little. With Elliot, she saw the possibilities. Maybe that's what love was. A lifetime of possibilities stretched out ahead of them.

She climbed out of bed as quietly as she could, not wanting to disturb him. The comforter from the bed was on the floor, and she picked it up and wrapped it around her body. She walked over to the mini-fridge in the room, and found a bottle of water. She practically emptied the entire bottle; she hadn't realized how thirsty she was.

She walked over to the window and pulled the drapes back slightly. Their room overlooked Central Park and she could see there were still people out at this hour. She had lived in New York City her entire life; she been on calls at 2AM,3AM,4AM. She didn't know why this still surprised her sometimes.

Her ring caught the light and she looked down at it again.

 _I'm engaged._

She had stopped believing that would ever happen. Suddenly, she had an acute ache for her mother. It was no secret that Serena Benson hadn't been the best mother. She'd been distant most of Olivia's childhood. Neglectful some of the time, abusive at others. There hadn't been a lot of special moments and Olivia had missed out on a lot of the normal things in life. She hadn't gone to any homecoming dances or to the Prom. There was no sweet sixteen party; in fact, birthdays were largely ignored because they were an even more painful reminder of the circumstances of her birth. But she had been all that Olivia had, and there were some good memories peppered in with the bad. She always had to try to remember those, and the tenuous relationship they'd developed when Olivia was a grown woman. She'd come to peace with the fact that her mother loved her as best as she could.

But in this moment, Olivia ached for a normal moment. To be able to call her mother and say "Guess what? I'm getting married!" To have her mother go with her to pick out a wedding dress or discuss wedding plans.

"I miss you sometimes Mom." She whispered quietly, and she felt a tear slip down her cheek. "I'm getting married. I wish you were here so you could meet him. I think you'd really like him." She felt a few more tears escape. "He loves me and I don't know why he should but he does and I'm so happy."

She heard rustling from the bed and she swiped at her tears, keeping her eyes on the view outside the window.

"Hey." Elliot said, his voice heavy with sleep. He swung his legs out from under the sheet so he was sitting on the bed. He had heard he talking, but he hadn't been able to hear what she was saying. He got up from the bed and walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. "You OK?"

She nodded, almost imperceptibly.

He could see her reflection in the glass and he could see that her cheeks were wet. He felt bad for intruding on her privacy; he didn't know what was on her mind right now. He could only ask if she was OK and trust that if she wanted to talk, she would.

Olivia looked at Elliot's reflection in the glass. She could tell him that she was fine like she usually did, but he was teaching her that it was OK to be vulnerable every once in a while. She knew she could trust him with her feelings.

"Sometimes…" She started quietly. "I miss my mom. How messed up is that?"

Elliot sighed, his breath light against her skin. "It's not messed up Liv. She was your mom."

"Yeah, but she was never there for me. Why should I miss her like this?"

"We can both agree we had messed up childhoods Liv, but at the end of the day, they are still our mothers and we know they loved us. They did they best they could."

Another tear slid down her cheek and neither she or Elliot made a move to swipe it away. She noticed that they were swaying slightly, and she appreciated the fact that he was just holding her, and that he wasn't trying to fill her head up with false platitudes about her mother.

Elliot held his tongue, because there was a part of him that hated Serena Benson for how she had treated her only daughter. He tried to understand it, and he knew he never could, but he still ached for the little girl that Olivia had been, and the things she hadn't had. Parties and princesses and someone to tuck her in and keep her safe.

"I really wanted her after Elise was born. I thought maybe she could have been a good grandmother." Olivia had really wanted to have Serena there; to let her enjoy the little girl that wasn't a constant reminder of the things that had happened in her life. She thought Elise might have been able to save Serena, just a little bit.

"I'm sorry that didn't happen." Elliot said, and he meant it.

"She probably would have liked you too." Olivia said softly.

Elliot actually broke into a small grin. "I don't know about that."

Olivia placed her hands over Elliot's. "I think she would have. Because I do think she wanted me to be happy."

"I know she did." Elliot said, pressing his lips gently against her jaw. "And I really believe she is watching over you now."

Olivia pressed her lips together and nodded her head slightly. She wasn't a religious person, and she wasn't sure what she believed, but she did like to think her mom heard her on the rare occasion she did talk to her.

'It's OK to talk to her."

He always seemed to know exactly what she was thinking. "I just wish things had ended differently." She hated that her mother's life had ended on the dirty floor of a subway platform.

"I know." Elliot said softly. "I know you wanted to save her Liv. But maybe she didn't want to be saved." He thought about his own mother and the life she had chosen, and the choices he had made. "You had to save yourself."

He squeezed her a little tighter as he watched the tears flowing down Olivia's cheeks. There was a time when she never would have cried in front of him, and he thinks they're in a good place now if they could talk about these things.

"You're a good mother Olivia." He said, wanting her to know he had faith in her; she'd always had the tendency to see her mother, and on some occasions, her father, in herself. She was so much better than that. "I mean it. I see how you are with Elise. With my kids. It's amazing to watch." His hand slid down lower on her abdomen. "And I'm excited that we're going to have another one."

The tears stopped flowing and she looked down at his hand on her stomach. She knew she wasn't ever going to be the stereotypical mom, but she had already come to terms with that. But she was already doing things with Elise that she had never dreamed she'd do…that weren't in keeping with the badass she always saw herself as…and she loved every minute of it.

Elliot saw a small smile grace her lips and he relaxed slightly against her. "Come back to bed." He said softly.

She looked back up at his reflection in the glass and nodded. "Give me a minute?" she asked softly.

"Sure." Elliot unwrapped his body from hers and headed back towards the bed. He crawled in and pulled up the sheet. He watched her for a second and saw she was watching him. He rolled over to give her a little semblance of privacy.

Olivia turned back towards the window and thought about what Elliot had said. "Hey Mom." She said quietly. "I do know that you were the best Mom you could be. And I really wish things could have been different for you. But I want you to know that I'm OK. I really am. I have the life I think you wanted for me." She stole a glance at Elliot's form in the bed. "I'm in love. And I have a family."

She swiped one last tear from her cheek and headed back to bed. Elliot lifted up the sheet as she dropped the comforter on the floor and she snuggled into his warmth. He wrapped his arm around her and buried his face in her hair as she lay her cheek against his chest. She could feel his heartbeat against her and she fell asleep in an instant.

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Olivia woke up and realized two things. The first was that Elliot wasn't in bed with her any longer. The second, which quickly took over the first, was that she was going to be sick. She bolted from the bed and tore into the bathroom, reaching the toilet only seconds before she puked. As she squatted on her knees on the cold tile floor, she was dimly aware that the shower was running.

"Liv?" She heard the shower stop and could hear the shower door open.

"Are you sick?"

 _Thank you Captain Obvious_. She wanted to roll her eyes if she didn't think it would make her feel worse. "I'm fine." She said.

Elliot knelt down next to her. "Your white as a ghost." He said, laying his hand across her forehead.

She swatted his hand away. "I don't have the flu." She spat out. She knew she was being a bitch but she was so nauseous and she just didn't want him touching her right now.

"I know. I was just…" He stopped talking. He knew he wasn't making the situation any better. "What can I do for you?"

"Leave me alone." She moaned as she felt another wave of nausea hit her. She was up on her knees again and she felt Elliot sweep her hair back and hold it for her as she emptied the contents of her stomach. _A perfect ending to their night of romance_.

Elliot grabbed a small towel and handed it to her as she sank back down on her knees. "I'm sorry." He said softly.

"It's not your fault." She said. "Wait a minute. Yes, it is." She shot him a dirty look and she could see Elliot was trying hard not to smile. "I swear to God, if you dare smile I'm going to kick your ass." She said threateningly.

Elliot held up his hands. "I'm going to get some water for you." He stood up and adjusted the towel around his waist as he disappeared into the bedroom.

Olivia stood up, reasonably sure she wasn't going to puke again, and closed and locked the door behind him. She braced her hands on the kitchen counter and looked at herself in the mirror. She could see how pale she was; Elliot had been right. She could also see the marks of their lovemaking; bruises on her hips and a few marks on her breasts and her neck. She could feel the ache between her legs and her thigh muscles were sore. This never surprised her and she knew he had as many marks on his body as he had left on hers. Lovemaking…fucking…whatever you wanted to call it because it always spanned the spectrum with them, would always be without constraint.

She heard a light knock on the door.

"Liv?" He said tentatively. He tried the knob and found the door was locked. He didn't like that. What if she passed out and he couldn't get to her? "Liv?" he said, with a little more urgency.

"I'm fine." She said tersely. "I'll be out in a minute." She realized what she really wanted was a hot shower. And then she realized that she didn't have any clothes. Damn it.

She opened the door slightly and peeked out so he could only see her face. She saw him standing there with a bottle of water. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Just keep the door unlocked, OK?"

"I just want some privacy."

"I promise I won't bother you. I just need to be able to get in…" his voice trailed off. He knew he was being overbearing again, but he just couldn't help himself.

Olivia softened a little; she knew what he was telling her. "OK. I don't suppose you packed any clothes for me?"

His face brightened. "Yeah, I did." He handed her the bottle of water. "You get in the shower and I'll lay them on the counter."

She nodded, and closed the door. He really had thought of everything when he had planned this night together, and she was grateful because she really wasn't in the mood to put her dress back on and walk of the hotel like it was some unplanned one-night-stand. Her days of taking the _Walk of Shame_ were over.

EOEOEOEOEO

When she emerged from the bathroom, she really did feel better. Elliot had packed two outfits for her, and thankfully, one was leggings, a tank and a lightweight, zip-up hoodie. She'd had a few bouts with nausea in the shower, but they had passed and she was thinking she was going to make it through the rest of the morning.

She saw Elliot standing next to the small table and saw that there was a full breakfast laid out there. As she walked towards him, she had to swallow hard as the bile rose up in her throat again.

"Ready for some breakfast?" he asked. He hoped she was feeling better because he wanted to have some more time with her before they had to head back home.

Olivia closed her eyes because she really didn't want this romantic night to end like this. All of his planning. All these sweet gestures. She forced a smile on her face and sat down at the table.

Elliot dug into the eggs and sausage that were on his plate, but Olivia hesitated, trying to control her gag impulse. She saw he was watching her, and she picked up a piece of dry, wheat toast.

"Want some jam?" he asked, holding up a small bottle of preserves.

She shook her head lightly, taking a tiny bite of the toast. She swallowed and waited to see what would happen. When it settled in her stomach, she took another small bite and then another. She had to avoid looking at the mess Elliot was making on his plate, and the meal was fairly quiet as she concentrated on keeping the toast in her stomach.

"So have you given any thought to when you want to get married?" Elliot asked.

Olivia's eyes snapped up to his. "We haven't even been engaged for 24 hours." She said. She could honestly say she hadn't thought about it at all.

Elliot laughed. "Well, I know, but that's the next step. You do know that, right?" he teased. "You can't just be engaged forever. It's _engaged to be married_."

She rolled her eyes at him, and was glad to see it didn't send her off-kilter. "Of course I know that. I just hadn't thought about it."

"I would have thought you'd already be planning the entire thing." He knew her penchant for thinking things through…planning things out.

"You don't want a say?"

Elliot shook his head. 'I'll help as little or as much as you want me to. The only thing I need to know is what you want me to wear, and when and where to show up." He said, shoveling another forkful of eggs into his mouth.

"How romantic." She said in a sarcastic tone.

"I just thought you'd want to plan it." He said. "Doesn't every girl have her wedding day planned out when she's like 12?" As soon as he said it, his mind raced back to everything they'd discussed last night and he knew that hadn't been the case with her. She'd been too busy taking care of her drunk mother and herself. How could he be so insensitive? He'd said it without even thinking. "Liv…"

Olivia shook her head, dismissing his concern. "I may not have had it planned out when I was 12, but I've thought about it." She placed her hand over his. "But I want to do this together. You're my partner." She smiled at him then. That word held so much meaning for both of them, and he knew exactly what she was telling him.

He tangled his fingers with hers. "Partners."

He looked at the food on her plate and realized she hadn't eaten a thing. He motioned towards her plate with his fork. "You should really eat something."

"Don't start. Please."

"Sorry." He knew he didn't have to push her and that she would take care of herself. He decided to change the topic back to the wedding. "But seriously, any thoughts on when you want to get married? Before the baby or after?"

Olivia tried to visualize her wedding day, but right now, she was just too tired and she still wasn't feeling well. "I don't know El. I just can't think right now." She saw the slight look of disappointment on his face, but noticed it passed quickly. "I'm sorry." She reached for his hand again.

Elliot stood up. "You know what? We have lots of time to plan. We have this room for another few hours." He moved behind her, massaging her shoulders with his strong hands. He leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. "I'm going to check on Liz and Elise, while you climb back into that big comfy bed and take a little nap."

Olivia started to protest, but it died on her lips. The thought of climbing into bed and closing her eyes sounded like heaven.

"And when you wake up, we'll go home and start telling people the good news." He leaned in close and whispered in her ear. "How does that sound Mrs. Stabler?"


	43. Chapter 43

Elliot watched as Olivia slept. It hadn't been more than a few minutes after she'd crawled into bed before her breathing had evened out. He had gone down to the lobby and called Elizabeth, checking in to see how she was doing with Elise. He could tell she was a little flustered, and he knew Elise had probably gotten her up fairly early. At least earlier than any teenager wanted to be awake.

"Sorry Lizzie. I know we've asked you to watch Elise a lot lately. We really appreciate it." Elliot told her.

"It's OK Dad. I know you and Olivia have had a lot going on. And I know that when I ask you for $50 to buy some new shoes I saw, you're going to give it to me." She teased.

"Smooth."

"When do you think you're going to be home?" she asked, and Elliot had to suppress a laugh at the small sound of desperation in her voice. He could hear Elise in the background. "Is that Mommy? I want to talk to Mommy. Lizzie." She repeated it again and Liz hushed her.

"Why don't you let me talk to her." Elliot said, and then I'll get back on the phone with you.

Elizabeth must have handed her the phone immediately because the next thing he heard was Elise's little voice. "Mommy?"

"It's Daddy sweetheart."

"I don't want to talk to you. I want to talk to Mommy." Elise said in a sullen voice.

Elliot smiled on his end. Kids could rip your heart out if you let them. "Mommy's sleeping." He said.

"Nuh-uh." She said confidently. "She doesn't sleep when it's light out." She challenged him.

"What can I say? She wanted to sleep in." Before Elise could push him any further, he tried to placate her. "I'm going to wake her in a little bit and then we're coming home. I'll have her call you the minute she wakes up. Is that OK?"

"Yeah right away as fast as possible because I need to ask her about a secret thing." She said.

"A secret thing?" Elliot asked, wondering what is precocious daughter had on her mind.

"Yeah. I heard Lizzie talking to Katie about Mommy having a baby and I don't know what they mean and they won't tell me because it's a secret and so I can't tell you about it."

Elliot had to stifle a laugh because for a child that was so damn smart, she didn't seem to realize that she'd just told him all about her secret topic. And then her words really hit him, and he realized that maybe they'd made a mistake in not telling her. It had only been a matter of time before the news leaked.

"Daddy?"

Elliot realized Elise had still been talking, and that he had missed her question.

"What baby? I'm sorry, I didn't hear the last part of what you said."

"I said that _I'm_ Mommy's baby." She said with annoyance.

"I know sweetie. You'll always be Mommy's baby." He said. But the next voice he heard was Elizabeth's.

"Sorry Dad. She overheard me talking to Kathleen. She was supposed to be sleeping and I didn't know she was there…"

"It's OK Liz. We'll talk to her when we get home." He looked at his watch. "It'll be within the hour." He hung up and then thought about his youngest daughter. He loved her spirit and her smarts, but she sure could be a handful. She had seen a lot of changes in the past six months, and they just kept on coming. He knew kids were resilient, but with the move and the new apartment, new school, new friends, a batch of new siblings, a wedding and now another baby on the way, it was a lot for anyone to absorb. They needed to be upfront and honest with her, even if she was just four. They needed to let her vet her fears and frustrations. Six months ago, it had been her and her mother in their own little world. Now all of that had been tipped upside down.

He walked back up to the room and opened the door with his keycard. When he walked in and didn't see her in the bed, he panicked for a quick moment. Then he heard water running in the bathroom, and he rushed over, worried that she was sick again. He went to knock on the door just as it swung open, and they both jumped back with surprise.

"Are you OK?" he asked, concern etched on his face.

"I was just had to pee." She said, pushing past him. "Are you going to worry every time I go into the bathroom?"

"I can't worry about you?" he asked, following her towards the bed, where he saw his duffle bag sitting on the floor. She leaned over to pick it up, but Elliot beat her to it and snagged the handles and set it on the bed.

Olivia let out a small exasperated sound. "I can pick up a duffle bag." She said.

"The doctor said not to lift anything heavy."

"It's not heavy." She argued.

"If I'm here to do it then why chance it?" he shot back at her. He couldn't believe they were going to have an argument about lifting a duffle bag. It struck him then that Olivia had never had anyone to lean on…to take care of her.

"Fine." She snapped at him again. "Did you want to take everything out of the bag for me too?" She let out a sound of frustration and plopped down on the edge of the bed. She covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath. She was ruining this morning…a day that should be one of the best of her life…and she couldn't see to stop it. _Fucking hormones_.

Elliot squatted down in front of her and placed his hands lightly on her knees.

She dropped her hands and placed them on top of his. "I'm sorry." She said. "I know I'm being a bitch but I can't seem to help it."

"I know you don't feel well. It's OK."

"It's not OK. You planned all of this and it was such a wonderful night and now I'm ruining it."

"Olivia. You're not ruining it. Hormones are raging through your body and you don't feel well." He flipped his hands over so he could tangle his fingers with hers. He squeezed her fingers lightly, trying to select his next words carefully. "You know I think you are the most capable woman I know…you've always been independent and fearless…"

"Just spit it out Stabler." She was trying to be patient with him, because she knew he was trying to tell her something, but she wasn't in the mood.

"It's OK to let me help you. To let me take care of you. It's not going to make anyone think any less of you." He said. "I wasn't there for you with Elise and I want to be there for you now."

Olivia's shoulders dropped and she blew out a breath through her lips. "I'm not very good at letting people help me."

Elliot got a shocked expression on his face. "Really?" he teased, knowing that was hard for her to admit.

"I know I need help." She said. "I know I can't do the things I did before, even when I was pregnant with Elise. I don't want to do anything to put this baby in jeopardy. It just takes some getting used to."

"I know."

"Thanks for being patient with me."

"You can't scare me off that easily." He said. "I've dealt with you after three days without sleep and a shower, on stake-outs cramped in the car and without coffee."

"That's true." She said. She pulled her hands from his and cupped his face. "And for whatever it's worth, I'm not trying to scare you off." She kissed him gently.

Elliot squeezed her thighs. "That's good to hear. Now let's head home." He said, standing up.

She held out her hands. "Help me up?" she said with a small smile.

"Gladly." He pulled her up so she was standing in front of hm. He picked up the duffle bag and headed towards the door.

Olivia grabbed the vase of roses and looked around the room once more. She snagged his arm and stopped him. "Thank you for all of this."

Elliot smiled, leaning over and kissing her. "Thank you for saying yes." He placed a quick kiss on her nose. He was rewarded with a big smile and he was happy that he was the reason for it. The headed out and started walking down the hallway. He hated to bring it up, but he knew he had to warn her about what was waiting for them at home. "So…we have to talk about Elise on the way home."

"What's wrong with Elise?" Olivia asked, alarm in her voice.

"Nothing. She's fine." And he started to fill her in on their conversation as they walked out of the hotel.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia braced herself for the storm that was Elise as Elliot opened the door. Instead, they were greeted with screaming and Olivia saw Elise tear past them as she ran from the hallway into the living room. Two seconds later, they saw Kathleen tearing after her, growling and telling Elise she was going to get her. She flashed a smile at Elliot and Olivia as she rushed by, and Olivia watched as she tackled Elise gently to the ground and proceeded to tickle her. This made Elise scream even more and Elliot laughed. Olivia set the flowers down on the kitchen counter and looked out at the scene before her. She was still getting used to the constantly changing occupants of their home, and couldn't help but compare her and Elise's quiet existence six months ago to the chaotic one now. She decided she liked this much better.

Elise must have seen Elliot because now she was screaming for Elliot to save her. He bounded over and started tickling Kathleen and Elise jumped on his back to save her. Olivia laughed at how quickly alliances had changed. She looked over and saw Liz was sitting on the couch, texting on her phone and ignoring the scene playing out in front of her completely, despite Kathleen's plea for her to jump in.

Olivia loved the playfulness she was witnessing. Kathleen was a grown woman; a college student. And she was clearly enjoying this game she was playing with her sister and her dad. She and Elliot had talked on the way home about all of the changes in Elise's life and how she was going to handle them, but Olivia thought that if she could have this, then she'd be alright. A houseful of brothers and sisters…the love of a family. It was all she could ever want for her daughter. She placed her hand over her belly and smiled.

The shrieks had subsided and Olivia walked into the living room. Kathleen was sitting on the floor next to Elliot and he was lying on his back with Elise sitting on his stomach.

Elise turned to look back at Olivia. Olivia held out her hands towards Elise. "Aren't you even going to come over here and give me a hug?" she asked, laughing as she watched her daughter. She could see her little mind was scheming, and she didn't doubt she was plotting some revenge on her father and her sister.

Before Elise could even say a word, Olivia saw a shocked expression on Kathleen's face.

"Oh. My. God." She said, followed by a small shriek of her own. She popped up and looked at Olivia and then down at Elliot. "Is that a ring?" She looked back and forth between Olivia and Elliot again and then marched over to where Olivia was standing, grabbing her hand and looking at her ring. "You guys got _engaged_?"

 _Shit._ They'd been so busy talking about Elise on the short drive home that they'd completely forgotten to discuss how and when they were going to tell the kids. Olivia had meant to take the ring off. She looked at Kathleen, trying to decide if she was happy or upset. She looked back at Elliot and saw he was sitting up, and now Liz was up off the couch and she joined her sister.

"Holy shit!" Liz said.

"Elizabeth!" Elliot reprimanded. Always the father.

"I can't believe it!" Kathleen said. She threw her arms around Olivia. "I'm so happy for you!"

Olivia was relieved and she hugged the girl back. Then she felt Elizabeth's arms around her too and she almost felt like crying. The acceptance of these two was almost overwhelming to her sometimes. They both released her and she saw Elliot was still standing a few feet away holding Elise.

"Jeez Dad. It's about time." Kathleen said, grinning at her father. "I thought I was going to have to talk to you about making an honest woman out of Liv."

"Yeah Dad. Took you long enough." Liz chimed in.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have to stand here and take this from my own daughters." He said, laughing. "Just remember whose paying your bills."

Kathleen put her arm around Olivia's shoulders. "It's OK. Liv's got our back."

Once again, Olivia felt humbled by how easily they included her in their lives. She smiled at Elliot, but couldn't resist teasing him a little herself. "Well girls, you know that sometimes it takes men a while to catch up." She winked at Elliot and he laughed.

"Let me down" Elise said, wiggling in Elliot's arms. She walked over to her mother and held up her arms for Olivia to pick her up. Olivia caught Elliot shaking his head in her peripheral vision, and Kathleen must have seen it too.

"Come here squirt." She said, picking up Elise. Elise wanted to object, but Kathleen moved close to Olivia and Olivia kissed her forehead.

"Hey sweetheart."

Elise grabbed Olivia's hand and looked at her ring. "Why is this ring funny? I think it's pretty Mommy."

Olivia realized that Elise didn't realize what was going on. She grabbed her daughter's hands. "Sweetie. Daddy gave this ring to Mommy and it means that we're going to get married."

She saw Elise's face had a puzzled expression on it, and she wasn't sure what she was confused about. She knew what a wedding was. She had her dolls get married all the time. "Like Ariel and Eric." She knew she could rely on a princess movie to help her daughter connect.

Elise still didn't comment but Olivia saw her thinking.

"Remember when you told me that your friends at school had a Mommy and a Daddy and you asked me why you didn't have a Daddy?"

"I have a Daddy." She said, pointing at Elliot.

Olivia nodded. "I know you do. But remember before we saw him and it was just you and me?"

Elise nodded, but Olivia wasn't sure she even remembered that anymore. It seemed like a lifetime ago to her as well.

"Well, your friend's parents were married and lived together as a family. And so now Daddy and I are going to get married like them."

"But we already live together." She said.

Olivia understood how their non-traditional way of going about this must be confusing to Elise.

Fortunately, Kathleen chimed in. "I know it's confusing kiddo. But all you need to know is that Dad loves your Mom a lot, and there's going to be a wedding. And I'd bet money that you're going to get to pick out a new dress and new shoes and you're going to look like a little princess. And your Mom here is going to look like a beautiful princess too."

Olivia smiled, thankful when she saw the confused look disappear and a smile break out on Elise's face. Sometimes she forgot that her daughter was only four. She didn't need overly complicated explanations. She just needed to feel secure in her place in the world.

"Is that true?" Elise asked. "Will I get a new dress? Can it be twirly?"

Elliot laughed. "Everyone can get a new dress." He said, looking at the girls surrounding Olivia. He walked towards them and gathered them in an awkward hug. He released them and took a step back. "I'm one lucky…"

"Do NOT finish that sentence." Olivia said with a smirk.

Elliot scooped Elise back into his arms. "Why don't you girls get dressed." He said, eyeing Elise and Liz in their pajamas. "And I'll take all of my girls out to lunch."

"Uh, I'd love to Dad, but I really just stopped in to say hi." Kathleen said. "And…to see if I could borrow $50 bucks from you. I need to get a few books for my lit class."

Elliot reached for his wallet as Elizabeth chimed in. "That sounds great, but I'm going back to bed. I was up until 2 and this one was up at 6 and I'm wiped." She turned towards the hallway but then stopped. She smiled at Olivia and her dad. "Congratulations." She said and then headed towards her room.

Elliot looked in his wallet. "I have to go to the ATM." He said. "I don't have enough cash on me."

"I got this." Olivia said. She grabbed her wallet and pulled out four twenties. She rolled them up and handed them to Kathleen. "But yourself a coffee too."

Kathleen threw her arms around Olivia. "Thanks." She gave her a squeeze. "Congratulations." She said quietly. "I'm really happy for you and my dad."

Olivia hugged her back. "You don't know how happy that makes me."

Kathleen gave Elliot and Elise a hug, and then she was waving as she walked out the door.

Olivia plopped down on the couch. She looked around the apartment and laughed.

"What's so funny?" Elliot asked.

"Ten minutes ago there were people running and screaming and it was mild chaos. And now it's perfectly quiet."

Elliot sat down next to her, setting Elise down on the floor. She ran over to where her dolls were sitting and started playing with them. "Get used to it. It's only going to get worse when we add a crying baby to the mix."

Olivia leaned her head back against the couch. "I don't know what we were thinking." She said.

"It's going to be great."

Olivia rolled her head to look at him and smiled. "I know it is. It's already great. I never thought I'd have this."

Elliot brushed her hair back from her face. "I know…"

"Why is a baby going to be crying?"

Olivia lifted her head and saw Elise standing in front of her and Elliot again. She leaned her arms on Olivia's legs and looked intently at her mother.

Olivia could see a storm brewing in her eyes. She watched as Elise poked at her tummy. "When my friend Josie's mom had a baby, she had a fat tummy. I heard Liz say you were going to have a baby but I told her she was wrong." She kept poking at Olivia's stomach, as if to prove her point. "Besides, I'm your baby and we don't need a new one."

Olivia looked over at Elliot. They had decided they would talk to Elise today, but with all the wedding talk, she had thought maybe they should defer. They hadn't had a chance to discuss it again, but she saw Elliot shrug his shoulders. "Might as well." He mouthed to her.

Olivia grabbed Elise's hands to stop her incessant poking and pulled her on to her lap. She wrapped her arms around Elise's waist as she looked down at her daughter. "Don't you remember when we lived in our house and you asked me for a baby brother?"

Elise seemed to be thinking about it, but Olivia knew she had to remember. She talked about it quite often. Elise finally conceded by nodding her head.

"Well, I _am_ going to have a baby. So now you'll have a little brother or sister like you wanted."

"But I already have a new brother. And new sisters." She pouted.

Olivia nodded. "Yeah, I know. But those are older brothers and sisters. Now you'll have someone smaller than you. You get to be the big sister to this baby. Won't that be fun?"

"I don't believe you." She said, crossing her arms across her chest. "You're not fat."

Olivia was surprised that Elise wasn't excited about being a big sister. "I'm going to get fat. Don't worry about that." She rubbed her hand down Elise's back. "Don't you think it will be fun to be the big sister?"

"No." Elise said stubbornly.

Olivia looked over at Elliot and then back at Elise.

"Why not? I'm going to need a helper. Think about all the things you can do. You're such a big girl now."

Elise shook her head vehemently. "I'm not a big girl. You said I would be your baby forever. I don't want to be big. You're _my_ mommy."

Olivia could see tears brimming on Elise's lower lashes and she could feel her own tears pricking her eyes. She knew the bond she and Elise shared was special; they'd had almost four years together. Just the two of them. She pulled Elise against her and cradled her head with her hand. "Oh sweetie. You will always, always be my baby." She rocked her gently. "I know there have been a lot of changes, and maybe you feel like you have to share me now with lots of other people. But we're lucky to have all of these people in our life now. We've just made our family bigger and now all of these people love you like crazy. The great thing about love is that it's not limited. We all have enough of it to give to everyone." She kissed the top of her head. "You know how much I love you right?

She felt Elise nod slightly.

"I promise you that nothing between you and me is going to change. You'll always be my baby girl." She could feel Elise's tears wetting her t-shirt, and she kept rocking her gently and rubbing her back.

"Promise?" Elise said, sniffling.

"I promise." Olivia said, still rocking her gently. She kept rocking her and rubbing her back as Elise continued to sniggle against her. After a minute or two had passed, she spoke quietly to her again. "You're going to be a great sister."

A few seconds passed in silence before she heard Elise pipe up.

"I'm already a great sister." Elise mumbled against her chest and Olivia smiled. She buried her face in her daughter's hair and let out a sigh of relief. She was going to be OK.


	44. Chapter 44

Olivia and Elise had both fallen asleep, and Olivia hadn't protested when Elliot had moved her on the couch so she was lying down. He tried to take Elise, but she held her against her body, and he covered them up with a blanket and let them be.

He watched them sleep for a minute and frowned at how pale Olivia looked. He wondered if he'd been foolish to ask her to have another baby. If he'd been selfish in wanting that. If he was being reckless with her health. She said she hadn't been sick with Elise, but now she clearly wasn't feeling well. There was no going back now, but he had to figure out a way to get her to accept help and let him take care of her. He knew she never wanted to appear anything less than completely capable, but she didn't understand that asking for help never diminished her in his eyes. Hopefully the discussion they'd had earlier would help.

She stirred, perhaps aware of his scrutiny even in sleep. He snuck past them quietly and grabbed the duffle bag, moving down the hall towards his bedroom. He felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and closed his bedroom door before looking down at the screen. He saw it was Maureen.

"Hey." He said softly as he answered the call.

"You're getting married."

It was a statement, not a question. But Elliot could still hear the question in her tone. He sighed inwardly. Looks like it hadn't taken long for the Stabler sibling lines of communication to light up.

"Yeah." He said. He didn't say anything else, but waited for her to speak instead. Even though Maureen had accepted Olivia in his life, he knew it was still more tenuous with her than with his other kids. Maureen had been on the verge of leaving home before things started getting rough between he and Kathy; she had lived through the more tumultuous years as an observer. An infrequent witness on the rare weekends home. Once Maureen had gone off to college, there had been no summers home. It was almost as if she had known things weren't as she'd left them, and she wanted to hold on to what she knew.

"Did you tell Mom?" she asked.

Of his two children, she and Dick were the protectors of Kathy. Liz and Kathleen had tended to be closer to him, but his oldest and his son had always felt a fierce protectiveness of their mother. He knew this was why it had been harder for the two of them to accept this new reality. He admired that they'd been as accepting as they had been.

"Not yet." He said. "This wasn't how I wanted you to find out. I wanted to get all of us together and talk about it." He sighed. "But well, it didn't work out that way."

He was met with silence. "Do you want to meet me somewhere for coffee and we can talk?" he asked. He didn't need his children's permission, but he did want their approval.

"I can't right now." She said.

He couldn't judge her mood from her tone. "Maur…"

"I'm not upset Dad." She offered. "I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, it's not like I didn't see it coming. She's having a baby for chrissakes."

He could almost hear her roll her eyes as she said it. "Yeah. Thought I should probably ask her."

"I'm surprised she said yes." Maureen said, and Elliot smiled at the teasing tone in her voice.

"Me too." He joked. "You know what an ass I can be."

Maureen laughed at that and he was happy to hear it. "You know I don't regret anything I've had in my life Maur. I still love your Mom and I always will." He always felt like he needed to reassure his kids that he never thought of his life with Kathy as a mistake or something he regretted.

"I know Dad." She said.

"So…you're OK with this?" he asked.

"I just can't believe you're getting married. I thought it would be me next." She said, laughing lightly.

"Something I need to know?" he asked roughly, loving his role as the overprotective father.

"Nah." She said.

"Maybe you should bring that guy around a little more so I can get to know him a little better." Elliot said. He always pretended not to remember the names of his daughter's boyfriends. It was a game they played and his way of pretending they were just temporary.

"Maybe." Maureen conceded.

Elliot heard the tone of her voice, and suddenly knew right then that things had shifted. She never let him meet any of her boyfriends and it almost brought tears to his eyes as he realized that his daughter was in love. Kathy had said something about this one. He desperately tried to remember his name. _Sam?_ He realized that he always thought of his kids as…kids. But Maureen was a young woman now. He'd forgotten. And she was in love. He was so immensely happy for her in that moment. "You love him." He said quietly.

His statement was met with silence on the other end, and he didn't know if she would answer him. These weren't the kind of conversations he had with her. These had always been reserved for her mother. He knew she was probably surprised by what he'd said, and was trying to process it. Finally, he heard her respond.

"Yeah." She said breathlessly.

"That's great honey." He could tell she was surprised by his words. She must have been expecting him to object; to tell her that she was just a child. But being in love with Olivia had made him realize how precious love was.

"I need to meet this guy though. Soon." He said and he heard her laugh. "And I'm still going to run a background check on him." He could be happy for her, but he still wasn't going to let the guy completely off the hook.

"You had me worried for a minute." She said. "I thought maybe I had called the wrong number."

"Nope."

"Olivia's rubbed off on you."

"What's that supposed to me?" he asked.

"It's a good thing." She said, giving him another laugh and refusing to elaborate. "So…you're getting married."

"Yeah."

"OK." She said simply. "Can I bring Sam to the wedding?" she asked.

Elliot laughed. Three kids down, one to go.

EOEOEOEOEO

When Elliot hung up with Maureen, he knew he should probably call Dickie before his sisters got to him. He wanted to be the one to tell him.

He was about to call him when Olivia walked into the bedroom. "That wasn't a very long nap." He said.

"Elise was moving around and kept waking me up." She said as she sat down on the bed. She covered a yawn. "Besides, I shouldn't be tired. I slept all morning." She lay down on the bed, her feet dangling off the bed.

"Yeah, well, it's going to be like that for a few months. You know that." He said. He sat down on the bed next to her, his thigh hitting hers.

Olivia noticed the flat tone of Elliot's voice. "Yeah." She placed the palm of her hand on his back. "You OK?"

Elliot let out a sigh. "Yeah. I guess."

"What is it?"

"Maureen just told me that she's in love. I think she's going to get married soon." He lay down next to her, his legs hanging off the edge of the bed next to hers. "When did I get old enough to have a kid getting married?" He scrubbed a hand over his face. "I could have _grandkids_ in a couple of years." He said, exasperation in his tone. He kept staring at the ceiling. "When did that happen?

Olivia wasn't sure what to say. She felt a small spark of insecurity; but she tried not to let it take root. "They grow up fast."

"Yeah, but when did they become _adults_?" he asked. "One minute they were little kids and I was chasing them around the house and teaching them how to catch a ball and ride their bikes and now…" He fell silent.

"I can understand why it's hard to see them as adults. They'll always be your kids."

"It sneaks up on you. Kathleen's going to be graduating from college soon, and the twins will be going _to_ college." He threw one arm over his eyes.

Olivia didn't know what to say, or if he wanted her to say anything. She didn't know what was running through his mind right now. "They're doing everything you hoped they would. They're smart and successful…"

He sighed again. "Yeah. But I feel like I was just bringing them home from the hospital and now they're getting married."

Olivia pressed her lips together. "And now I'm forcing you to start all over. You should be getting ready to retire and play with your grandkids and instead, you're getting married and having a baby."

Elliot lifted his arm quickly and turned his head to look at Olivia. He saw she was staring at the ceiling just as he had been. "What?"

She looked away from him. "I get it. You don't want to do this all over again." She didn't know why she thought he'd want to start over with her. He'd done the whole kid thing. He'd been through the potty-training and the late-night science projects and chicken pox. The parent-teacher conferences he hated so much. The band and choir concerts that seemed to last forever. Dances and first dates. He should be relaxing now...enjoying these years of relative ease. "You'd be insane to do it all over again."

"What are you talking about?" Elliot asked, concern in his voice. He adjusted his body so he was on his side, facing her. It finally registered what she was saying, and it was so far from what he was thinking. "I didn't say that." He reached between their bodies and grasped her hand. "Liv, look at me." When she didn't turn to face him, he kept talking. "That's not what I was saying at all." He tugged at her hand slightly. "Look at me."

Olivia turned her head, tears threatening her lower lashes. She didn't want to cry in front of him and she cursed the hormones coursing through her body. "We should have talked about this more. We talked about it for all of two minutes…" She turned back to face the ceiling, blinking her eyes to keep the tears at bay.

"Liv." He dragged their conjoined hands up so they were resting beneath her breasts.

"This is crazy. You're right. I'm too old to have a baby." Full blown panic was starting to take over. _What the hell had they been thinking?_

"Olivia!" Elliot said, raising his voice slightly. "Stop talking."

She swiveled her head to look at him again. "I'm sorry." She wasn't sure which transgression she was apologizing for. Getting pregnant now, or five years ago.

Elliot cupped her right cheek with the palm of his hand. "That's not what I meant." He started intently into her eyes until he felt like what he was saying was registering with her. He saw her blink a couple of times and a tear escaped from her lower lid. He swiped it away with his thumb. "I'm not upset about having a baby. I wanted to have another baby with you." He caressed her cheek lightly and watched as she blinked back the tears.

Olivia swallowed hard, trying to keep her tears at bay. She saw the way he was looking into her eyes; she was trying to gauge his words. Was he trying to appease her? Make the best of a situation? She blinked again as he continued to caress her cheek.

"Tell me you understand that?" he said softly. "I don't feel like we're starting over. I feel like I'm being given a second chance. I missed so much of my kids' lives and I don't want to repeat that." He watched her for a reaction…any sign that she believed what he was saying.

Olivia furrowed her brow slightly, thinking about what she'd heard when he was lying next to her. He was worried about being a good father? Could that possibly be right? Suddenly, she went from being the one that needs some reassurance, so reassuring him. She put her hand over his. "You're worried about whether or not you're going to be a good father?"

"I don't want to fuck it up this time. I wasn't always there for my kids. But I want to be there for Elise and the baby." He said, ducking his head slightly.

"El. You're a great father." Olivia said. "Look at how great your kids turned out."

"That was because of Kathy." He said. "I was never there."

"You were there as much as you could be, while providing for your family." She said. "You worked so hard so Kathy could be home with the them."

"It wasn't enough." He said, shaking his head. "I'm lucky because they turned out to be good kids, but I could have done more." He pulled his hand from beneath hers and lay back on the bed.

Olivia propped herself up on her hands and turned towards him slightly. "We want to do a better job than our parents did, and I think we can both say that we're doing that."

Elliot looked over at her, but he didn't say anything.

"You did the best you could…and you know that the time you spent away from your family was time you spent getting rapists off the streets. Maybe it was good trade-off."

"Was it?" he asked. "There's always another one out there."

Olivia sighed. "I know. But we did what we could and we can honestly say we put a lot of bad people away. People that would hurt someone else's family."

Elliot nodded, almost imperceptibly. "I just want to want to be able to spend time with Elise. I want to go to every soccer game or dance recital."

"Is this your way of telling me that you've made a final decision to leave SVU?"

Elliot looked back at the ceiling. "I just can't seem to make a final decision about that. It seems like there's so much more work to do. But I don't want creeps like Manning coming after my family."

"I get it." Olivia said. "It's why I told you that I missed being a cop. The sense of doing something _good_."

Elliot looked over at her. "I guess I can understand that."

"You don't have to decide right now." Olivia said. "Think about it. Look at your options and see what else might be interesting to you." She smiled. "That's what I'm going to do."

"You're right." He said, giving her a tight smile.

Olivia looked away from Elliot, pulling her legs up on the bed and folding them in front of her. "So…I need you to be honest with me about something."

Elliot was staring at the side of her head, and he saw her draw her bottom lip into her mouth. "Always."

"Is there any part of you that's worried about having a baby at our age?" she asked quickly. "I mean, we're going to be the oldest parents at this kids events and by the time this one's done with college we're going to be too old to travel or do anything we want to do…."

"Liv." Elliot interrupted. He tugged at her arm, forcing her to fall against him. "Look at me."

Olivia turned her head towards him and he sat up, quickly pushing her back on the bed and cradling her body with his. He had his knees on either side of her thighs and his outstretched arms rested on either side of her head. He looked into her eyes and saw the concern etched there.

"Do I have any concerns? Of course I do. I'm worried about the toll this baby is going to take on your health. I'm worried about the baby being healthy. I'm worried that I'm going to piss you off when you're hormonal and you're going to kick my ass. I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to stay awake for late night feedings." He smiled. "But I am absolutely, positively, 100% excited about this. I'm excited that you wanted to have another baby. I'm excited that we were able to get pregnant. I'm excited to have two little ones running around. And I'm not worried about being able to keep up because I think chasing two little kids keeps you young. Us young." He leaned in and kissed her nose. "I'm sorry for what I said earlier. If that made you think that I was re-thinking this whole thing. It isn't. It just all came to a head with what Maureen told me and I just made me realize that it all goes way too fast." He leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips. "So much time has passed Liv. I've loved you for so long, and it's just now that I've put a ring on your finger. Elise is four, and she's going to be 16 before we know it. I just want to make sure I appreciate it and that we don't waste any more time."

Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him towards her, forcing him to readjust as he held his body up on his forearms and settled his lower body slightly above hers. "When did you get to be so smart?" she said. "The Elliot Stabler I knew five years ago wouldn't have been able to articulate that." She teased.

"I had a lot of time to think about what I'd lost…" he said, kissing her gently. "I swear Liv. I'm right where I want to be." He captured her lips again, kissing her slowly…sweetly.

"Oh God. Could you guys please shut your door if you're going to be making out like this all the time?" E

Elliot broke the kiss and they both turned to see Elizabeth standing in the doorway.

"We're just talking." Elliot said with a chuckle.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. "Yeah, talking. Whatever." She smirked. "I can't fall back asleep. Is that lunch invitation still on the table?"

Elliot rolled off Olivia and sat up. "It can be." He looked at Olivia. "You up for going out?"

She shrugged her shoulders. She still wasn't feeling well, but she knew she should try to eat. "We can see if Elise is awake."

As if she heard her name, Elise popped into the doorway, rubbing her eyes. "I'm hungry." She said, shuffling into the bedroom. Elliot reached down and scooped her up, putting her in Olivia's lap as she sat up. "I want pizza."

"I could go for pizza." Liz said. "Good call squirt."

"All right. Sounds like a plan." Elliot said. "Get changed and we'll go."

"Dad?" Liz piped up. "One more thing. I know I said I was going to stay a little longer, but there's some stuff going on at home and so I was wondering if you care if I head back to Mom's."

Elliot frowned slightly. "Everything OK?" he asked. He had been worried that they had been asking too much of her and he didn't her to leave because of it.

"Yeah. Everything's fine." She said quickly. "It's just…well, I want to go to the beach with my friends and Emily is having a party on Friday and…"

Elliot held up a hand. "OK. I get it." He should have known she was missing her friends. And even though she had been the one that wanted to spend time with them, he understood that time with your friends trumped time with your dad.

"You get changed and packed up, we'll go for pizza and then I'll take you home."

Elizabeth bounded into the room and gave Elliot a peck on the cheek. "Thanks Dad." She looked over at Olivia. "Are you going to be OK here by yourself?" she asked. "I mean, I could stay."

Olivia laughed and shook her head. "I'm fine Liz. You've been such a big help and we really appreciate it, but you should be having fun with your friends."

Elise drew her brows together. "I don't want you to leave." She said.

Elizabeth squatted down in front of her. "I'll be back squirt. How about I go for a few days, and then when I come back, I'll take you to see whatever movie you want?"

Elise thought about it for a second, and Olivia knew she was still trying to adjust. It would probably be confusing for a while, with her siblings coming and going out of her life. "OK." She said finally. "I'm not happy about it, but that's a plan."

Elizabeth laughed. "OK. I have that noted down. You're not happy." She stood up slightly and wrapped her arms around Elise and Olivia. She whispered into Olivia's ear. "Thanks for everything."


	45. Chapter 45

Elizabeth and Elise were walking ahead of Elliot and Olivia as they made their way to the pizza place that was a couple blocks from the apartment. It wasn't their favorite, but it was closest, and that made it the best option for now.

Elliot slipped his hand into Olivia's. "I think I'm going to talk to Kathy when I drop Lizzie off." He looked over at Olivia to gauge her reaction. He saw her press her lips together, and could tell she wasn't a big fan of the idea. "Since the kids already know, I think I have to tell her."

"If you have to." She said, keeping her voice neutral.

"You don't think I should?"

"It's up to you." It was just one more reason for Kathy to hate her.

"I want her to hear it from me and not one of the kids."

"I know." Olivia said, resignation in her voice. "So much for Casey being the first one to find out." She knew that she bore some of the responsibility for Kathleen and Elizabeth finding out, so she couldn't be too upset about it. But then Maureen, and now Kathy and most likely Dickie too.

Elliot felt bad about how things had gone. He knew she'd been excited about telling Casey, since she didn't really have any family to tell. "How about if I take Elise with me and you meet up with Casey?" he suggested.

Olivia looked back at him sharply. "You want to take Elise over to Kathy's?" She thought about the last time Kathy had encountered Elise. She'd been nice to her, but she didn't want Elise to witness Kathy's reaction to news of their engagement. "I don't think so."

"Yeah, I guess that's not a good idea." He said. "I just want to have some time alone so you can tell Casey."

"Don't worry about it. I'll work it out."

Olivia saw Elise look back at her. "You guys are walking too slow." She said. "I'm hungry!" she motioned for them to move more quickly and then turned her attention back to Liz.

"When do you want to tell Cragen?"

Olivia shrugged. "Maybe Elise and I will stop in the precinct tomorrow." They had reached the pizza place and Elliot dropped Olivia's hand as he held open the door for the women in his life.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elise and Olivia said good-by to Elliot and Elizabeth when they were done eating, and Olivia agreed to take Elise to the nearby park. She was hoping to run into her friend Lucy with the yellow hair, and Olivia was game. The sunshine felt wonderful and she was anxious to get some fresh air. The smell of the grease and cheese in the pizza place and turned her stomach, and she'd barely been able to choke down a few bites of a salad. She'd heard about cravings during pregnancy, but food aversions were new to her.

As luck would have it, Lucy _was_ at the park, and Elise was overjoyed to see her new friend. The two girls joined hands and ran for the jungle gym before Olivia could even tell her to stay close. She saw a couple of women that looked like nannies sitting together on the bench, and one of them spoke up and told Lucy to stay where she could see her.

The two women looked like they were friends, and Olivia didn't want to interrupt them by introducing herself. She pulled out her phone and sat down on a different bench, deciding she would call Casey now to see when they could get together.

She ended up leaving a message for her to call her back, not surprised she couldn't reach her in the middle of the day. She was probably in court. She watched Elise and Lucy take turns chasing each other around and laugh, and she was glad they'd had the opportunity to get outside. She closed her eyes and lifted her face towards the sun. It felt good on her face and she felt herself starting to relax. The peace was short lived as she heard Elise yell for her. She opened her eyes to see her daughter and Lucy running towards her.

"Mommy, Mommy!" Elise yelled, her hands landing on her knees when she reached her. "Can Lucy come over to our house to play? Please, please, please?" she begged.

"Hi Lucy." Olivia said, looking at Elise's new friend. She was almost the exact opposite, with blonde hair, blue eyes and very fair skin. Olivia looked back at Elise. "I think we should just play at the park today, but I'll get her phone number and we can ask her another day." She looked at Lucy again. "Is your mom or dad here?"

Lucy shook her head. "No. Maria is here." She said, pointing to the woman that Olivia had heard speaking before. As they looked at her, Olivia noticed that Maria was up and off the bench, a small scowl on her face.

"Lucy. What did I tell you about talking to strangers?" she scolded. But her face and her voice was kind and she smiled as she neared them. "Hi. I'm Maria." She said, holding out her hand to Olivia.

Olivia took her hand and shook it. "I'm Olivia. And this is my daughter Elise."

"Seems like the girls are having a good time. I think we saw your girl before, but she was here with a man?"

"Her father. Elliot." Olivia offered.

"Yes, that was it." She said. "Are you new to the neighborhood?" she asked.

Olivia wanted to laugh. There wasn't enough time to tell her the story of how she had ended up here. "Yes." She said. "And I'm glad the girls are hitting it off."

The women exchanged numbers, while Maria told her that Lucy's parents were both lawyers in a midtown firm, and sometimes they worked long hours. Maria was a live-in nanny, and she managed Lucy's schedule for the most part. Maria excused herself and went back to her friend, but not before she promised to call to arrange a play date.

Olivia thought about telling her they were moving, but she was happy that Elise had made a friend, and she didn't mind bringing her here every once in a while if it meant she could hang out with Lucy. Of course, Elise was a pretty social child, so she would make other friends. But no use losing the one she had.

The girls had been playing for about a half an hour under her watchful eye, when Oliva heard her phone ring. The caller ID said it was Casey, and she answered on the first ring. "Casey."

"Hey Liv. Sorry I missed your call. I was in court. What's going on?" Casey spoke quickly, as if she didn't have much time.

"I just wanted to see if we could get together in the next day or so. I haven't seen you, and we're getting ready to move. It's going to be crazy." She was telling the truth. She wanted to tell Casey about her engagement, but she also just wanted to see her friend.

"Um. Hold on."

Olivia waited and she was sure Casey was checking her busy schedule. "If you're too busy…"

"No! How about lunch tomorrow? I have some court prep with Tony, but I'll back it up a little and meet you at the precinct. How does that sound?"

"Sounds perfect." Olivia said.

"Everything OK?" Casey asked.

Olivia could hear concern in her voice. "Yeah Case. Everything's great. I'll see you tomorrow." She hung up her just as she saw Elise miss the top step as she was climbing up the ladder to the slide. She watched her fall backwards as if it was happening in slow motion. She heard Elise cry out as she launched herself from the bench, but she couldn't get there fast enough. Elise hit the sand with a thud, and Olivia watched her little head bounce off the ground.

Olivia was on the ground in seconds, waiting for the wailing to start. But Elise had her mouth open in a silent scream and Olivia realized she'd had the wind knocked out of her. There was a panicked expression on her face and Olivia wanted to snatch her off the ground. She managed to keep calm, moving into emergency cop mode.

"It's OK." She said. "Just relax a second and catch your breath." She brushed Elise's hair back from her face. "Just breathe." She looked up and down Elise's body, looking for any evidence of broken bones or other injuries. Elise was trying to breathe, and was finally able to take a breath. She started gasping for air and then the tears came. It was followed shortly after with loud cries, and she held up her arms to Olivia.

Olivia scooped her off the ground and sat back on her ass, pulling Elise onto her lap. "Can you tell me what hurts?" she asked.

"Is she OK?" Maria said, and Olivia looked up and saw her standing there with Lucy, and the other woman she'd been talking to and a little boy. "Do we need to call 9-1-1?"

"I don't think so." She turned back to Elise. "Can you tell me what hurts?"

Elise was crying now, gasping for breath.

"Baby, does your head hurt?" She gently ran her hands through Elise's hair, feeling for a bump. Elise let out a yelp when Olivia touched a sore spot on the back of her head.

Olivia parted her hair, trying to assess whether or not it was bleeding. She didn't see any blood, just a nasty bump.

"Does she need a Band-Aid?" offered Lucy. "Maria has some in her bag."

Olivia looked up at her. "I don't think so honey."

She turned her attention back to Elise. She had buried her head against her chest and was sobbing as she clutched Olivia's shirt with her hands.

Olivia ran her hand up and down her back, trying to comfort her. She looked up at Maria. "I think we're OK, but thanks."

"Come on Lucy. We'd better head home." Maria said, gently tugging Lucy away from where they were sitting.

"I want to say goodbye!" the little girl protested. She broke free from Marie and ran the few yards back to where Olivia and Elise were sitting on the ground. She leaned in towards Elise and awkwardly hugged her from behind. "Bye 'Lise." She said.

Elise was hiccupping now against Olivia's chest, so Olivia smiled at her. "How about I have her call you later?" she said. She reached up and squeezed Lucy's hand, and she nodded and went back to Maria. Olivia watched as they walked out of the park and she turned her attention back to Elise. Her hiccups were becoming less frequent, and her crying was subsiding.

"Does your head still hurt?" she asked. She felt Elise nod against her chest. Olivia juggled Elise and stood up with her in her arms. _Elliot would have a fit if he saw her lifting her, but this was an extenuating circumstance._ She walked over to the bench, and set her down on the bench. Elise tried reaching for her again, but Olivia wanted to look at her eyes. She didn't really have any medical training though, and she didn't know what she was looking for. She debated calling Elliot, but she knew he was on his way to Queens. It would take him a while to get back here. Besides, he had Liz with him.

She stood up and hoisted Elise into her arms. "We're going to go see the doctor." She realized she didn't have her wallet or medical cards or anything with her except her phone. She didn't want to lug Elise back to the apartment, even though it was just a few blocks, but she couldn't get a cab or go to the doctor without it. What a mess.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and scrolled through her contacts. She hit SEND. He answered on the second ring.

"Liv. What's up?"

"Fin. I need your help. Are you busy right now?"

"Never too busy for you. Where you at?"

Olivia filled him in on what had happened, and gave him her location. She sat down on the bench and cradled Elise on her lap again. "Uncle Fin's going to be here in a few minutes." She said, pressing her lips against the Elise's hair. She rocked her gently and watched as the other kids played, thankful that she had friends like Fin she could rely on.

EOEOEOEOEO

Fin carried Elise up to the apartment. She'd had a minor meltdown at Urgent Care as the doctor tried to examine her, and she'd worn herself out, falling asleep in the car. Olivia felt equally exhausted; the wait had been excruciating. And then, they'd been told she would be just fine. That it was just a bump on the head.

Olivia opened the door as quickly as she could and pointed down the hallway towards their bedroom. She followed Fin and watched as he lay her down. She gently took off her shoes and then pulled the comforter over her sleeping form.

When she was done, she saw that Fin had wandered back into the living room and sat down on the couch. He had one arm stretched out along the back and Olivia smiled when she saw him sprawled out there.

"I really appreciate your help." She said. "Is Cragen wondering where the hell you are?" she said, settling into a big, overstuffed chair across from him.

"Nah. I told him where I was while you were in the exam room. Guys got a soft spot for that little girl. And you. He told me to stay put. Help you out."

"Well, thank you." She said, relaxing into the chair. "Do you want something to drink?" she asked.

"How about if I get you something to drink? You look like you're done." He said.

"It's been a long day." She agreed. "But I owe you. How can I make it up to you?"

"You can start by telling me about that rock on your finger." He said, raising one eyebrow as he pointed at her ring.

 _Shit._ She'd had this grand idea of how they would tell everyone, and nothing was turning out like she'd thought it would. Oh well, she had to let it go. It seemed nothing in her life would ever be done in the traditional way. This was how she was. Who they were. She grinned at Fin. "Busted."

"Damn Liv. You said yes? Always thought you could do better than Stabler." He teased, a grin on his face.

"Fin!" Olivia said, playing along with him. She knew he loved to pretend he didn't like Elliot, and that there were actually a lot of things that did drive him insane, but she also knew he was probably the first one to understand the relationship between her and Elliot. Probably before they did.

"I just hate the idea of you and he knockin' boots. That's all." He said, making a disgusted look on his face. "Had to be someone else out there…."

Olivia cocked her head, pretending to be offended. "Well, maybe if you had been interested…"

That got a chuckle out of Fin. "Now you tell me I had a chance? Damn."

Olivia started laughing too and she realized how much she really missed him. "So enough about me." She said. "Tell me what's been going on in your life."

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot pulled into the driveway, and saw that Kathy's car was gone. He debated going in, but decided he'd take the opportunity to talk to Dick, if he was here. He grabbed Elizabeth's bag and followed her into the house. Liz walked upstairs, yelling for her brother.

"Dad wants to talk to you dickwad." She yelled. Elliot heard her door slam shut a few seconds later and he didn't have to wait very long before Dickie appeared at the top of the stairs.

"Whad'ya want Dad? I'm kind of in the middle of something."

Elliot saw he had the controller for a game in his hand, and Elliot found himself wondering if he'd been playing all afternoon. He made a mental note to talk to Kathy about controlling that amount of time he spent on that stupid game.

"Dad." Dick said, interrupting his thoughts. "What's so important."

"Come down here for a minute."

Dick rolled his eyes but started walking down the stairs. When he reached the living room, he plopped down in a chair, legs sprawled out over the arm, and the controller still firmly in hand.

"Guys are waiting for me." He said, obviously wanting Elliot to hurry up.

Elliot wanted to tell him to forget it. Dick obviously wasn't in the mood to talk, and at this point, Elliot figured he probably wouldn't really care. He decided to just mention it and keep it light. "So I wanted to talk to you before your sisters got to you." He started.

"This about you getting married?" he asked, staring at the controller in his hand.

"Who told you?" Elliot asked. New certainly traveled fast. He wanted to find out which daughter should get into newspaper reporting.

Dick shrugged and Elliot knew he wasn't going to rat out any of his sisters. They could argue like hell between each other, but they always put up a united front against their parents.

"So how do you feel about that?" he asked.

"I already told you that I liked Olivia." He said.

"Well yeah, but this is different. We're getting married."

Dick looked up at him. "I don't know why you think any of us would be surprised. You have a kid with her and now you knocked her up again. We all knew you were probably going to ask her." He said, shrugging.

He didn't really appreciate Dick's choice of words, and was trying to decide if it was worth calling him on it. He didn't want to shut down the communication. "Well, I'm not marrying her just because of that, you know."

Elliot heard a bang as something hit the floor. "You're getting married?"

He turned and saw Kathy standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. _Shit._ That was _not_ how he wanted her to hear it.

Dick looked between Kathy and Elliot and stood up. "I'm going to get back to my game." He snaked past Elliot and headed back up the stairs. When they heard him close his door, Kathy repeated her statement.

"You're getting married?" she asked again.

Elliot blew a breath out threw pursed lips. "Yeah, that's what I came over here to talk to you about."


	46. Chapter 46

_Hi readers! I just have to say THANK YOU to all of the people that have left such awesome reviews on here and on Twitter. It's all great and I'm so surprised by the reaction to this story. A story that I wasn't even going to publish. But a friend told me to go for it, so I did. And here we are. Hope you enjoy this next chapter._

EOEOEOEO

As usual, Fin was a closed book. Olivia was amazed that she had worked with Fin for so long, that she considered him a good friend, but she knew incredibly little about his personal life. She met his son one time, so she assumed there was an ex-wife out there. Then again, maybe not. The point was, he never talked about it.

"How come you know everything about me, and I don't know anything about you? I have no idea what you do when you leave the precinct." Olivia said.

"I don't want to think about what you do when you leave the precinct." Fin quipped, raising an eyebrow at her. "So why do you care what I do?"

"C'mon Fin. I don't even know if you have a girlfriend. You could have a wife and I wouldn't know it."

Fin laughed. "I don't have a wife. Had one of those. Didn't work out."

Olivia smiled. "OK. Thanks for sharing. So tell me what Ken's up to."

"Mommy."

Olivia looked over and saw Elise walked down the hall, rubbing her eyes. Olivia held out her arms and Elise crawled up on her lap. Oliva wrapped her arms around her. "Did you have a good nap?"

"Why did I have to take a nap? I'm not a baby." She looked over at Fin. "Why are you here?"

Fin chuckled.

"El, that's rude." Olivia said, not surprised at the question, but at her tone.

"S'kay." Fin said. He leaned over on his knees. "I like this kid. She's just like her Mama. Gets right to the point." He looked at Elise. "Just keeping you guys company. Wanted to make sure you were OK." He said, leaning back on the couch again.

"I have a bump on my head." She said.

Olivia wondered if it really hurt still, or if she only brought up it up because she remembered them telling her about it. "It should be better now." She ran her hands lightly through Elise's hair. "Does it still hurt?"

Elise nodded. "I think it would feel better if I got that new Ariel doll."

Olivia rolled her eyes and Fin laughed again. She'd been angling to get that new doll for weeks, despite the fact that she already had one. This one had a wedding dress and Elise had been begging for it. "El…"

"But I _really_ want it." She pleaded.

"No whining." Olivia said.

Elise opened her mouth to say something else, but Olivia could see she was thinking about whether or not she should push it. The child was precocious, but she was also smart, and usually knew when she could push it and when she should stop. Elise slid off Olivia's lap and walked over to Fin. "Can I sit on your lap?" she asked.

Fin looked surprised and Olivia put a hand over her mouth to hide her smile. She knew Fin loved Elise, and had certainly given her hugs, but this was something new.

"You want to sit on my lap?" he asked.

Elise nodded. "You can read me a story." She snagged a book off the coffee table and climbed up on Fin's lap, not waiting for permission. Fin looked up at Olivia, as if asking for intervention, but Olivia just shrugged.

"That's a good story." She said. She unfolded her legs and stood up.

"Where you going?" asked Fin. "You're not leaving us here?"

"I'll be right back." She said, laughing slightly at how uncomfortable he looked. "You'll be fine." She walked down the hallway and headed into the bathroom attached to their bedroom.

Fin started reading to Elise, and was only a few pages in when she heard Olivia scream his name from down the hallway. He pushed Elise off his lap and rushed down the hall. He came around the corner into the bedroom, when he heard her yell his name again. He opened the bathroom door and saw her sitting on the toilet with her jeans down around her shins. He looked away quickly, even though he couldn't see anything because the bottom of her t-shirt covered her.

She looked up at Fin as he rushed into the room. "What's wrong?" he asked.

She looked down and then back up at him. "Blood." She whispered.

Fin swiveled his head back to look at her. "Aw shit." He knew she wasn't very far along, and what that could mean. He put a hand on her shoulder, unsure of what to do. "Should I call 9-1-1?"

Olivia felt panic taking over; it's why she had screamed for Fin the minute she saw the blood. It wasn't a lot, but it freaked her out. She shook her head. "No. I need to call my doctor."

Elise came running into the bathroom. "Why did you scream Mommy? What's Fin doing in the bathroom? Bathroom is private." She said, trying to put herself in between Olivia and Fin.

Fin put his hands on her shoulders. "It's OK. Your mom just needs some help." He used his hands to guide her towards the door. "You need to go out for a minute. Go watch something on TV." He said. She hesitated and he walked her into the bedroom. "You need to listen to me." He said. "Now." He said it in a tone that told her he wasn't going to argue or debate with her. Elise took off down the hall and Fin turned to see Olivia coming out of the bathroom.

"I need my phone." She said, her voice barely a whisper.

"You lay down." Fin directed. "I'll get it."

Olivia didn't argue with him. She climbed into bed, lying on top of the comforter. Her mind was racing. She had known the chances of miscarriage at her age were high, but she had wanted to believe it couldn't happen to her. To them. She felt a tear slide down her cheek. She didn't want to lose this baby.

Fin rushed back in the room and handed her the phone. He saw the tears in her eyes, but he didn't know what he could do to comfort her. He put a hand on her shoulder. "It's going to be OK." He said as Olivia hit the emergency number for her doctor.

Fin wanted to give her some privacy, so he started to move away, but Olivia grabbed his hand. He looked down at her and saw she mouthed "Stay" to him. He stayed put and listened to the one-sided conversation as she spoke to her doctor.

Right before she hung up, her heard her say that she would meet her at the hospital.

She looked up at him. "She's at the hospital right now. She said to go to ER and have her paged."

"Let's go." Fin said. He wrapped his fingers around her bicep to help her sit up.

"I need to call Elliot." She whispered.

EOEOEOEOEO

When she heard Elliot confirm what she said, Kathy had turned and gone back into the kitchen. When Elliot followed her, he saw she was busying herself with unpacking some groceries.

"Kathy, talk to me." Elliot said.

"What do you want me to say?" she asked. "You're getting married. Of course, I don't know why I should be surprised. Life has just gone on beautifully for Elliot Stabler. A new daughter, a new baby and now a new wife. Looks like she got what she wanted. And I'm left here…" she swept a hand around the room. "I guess I should be thankful you even stopped by."

"That's a low blow and you know it. You're acting like this is all on me. We both agreed it was over the last time I moved home. Olivia wasn't even around when we made that decision."

"She wasn't here physically, but you'd already given yourself to her. You were in love with her. Who knows for how long. You never even gave us a chance."

Elliot shook his head. "That's not true. We had lots of chances. Olivia was the one that pushed me to go home…to work things out with you. More often than you know."

"Well, isn't she just a saint." Kathy said, slamming a jar of peanut butter down on the counter. "Excuse me if I don't believe you. A few nights with her in the cribs was probably all it took to convince you to leave your wife and your family." She braced her arms against the counter.

Elliot let out a sigh of frustration. She was becoming a broken record, and he was tired of having this same argument. He couldn't even be angry any more. He just felt sad.

He pulled out a chair roughly and sat down. He took a deep breath. "I don't want to have this same conversation with you over and over for the next thirty years." He said. "I never cheated on you. Ever. If you want to say I had an emotional connection to Olivia, then I can't deny that. But I've tried to be honest with you. I want to figure out a way that we can talk without an argument. I don't expect that you are ever going to be friends with Olivia, but I want to be able to get together and not have this animosity hanging over us." He shook his head. "This isn't you. And if I made you like this, then I'm sorry. But tell me what I can do to help us get past this."

Kathy didn't turn to look at him, but he saw her shoulders sag slightly and the tension leave her arms. "You're right. This isn't me. I don't want to be this person. But I just get so angry…" She turned towards him. "I know things weren't working out between us but I was fighting for our marriage." She said. "And I just feel like at some point, you stopped fighting. And you just found someone else."

Elliot wanted to say something, but he could tell she wasn't done talking.

"And now I'm sitting here along, raising our kids, and you're off starting an exciting new life. I'm doing laundry and washing dishes and the only thing I can think of is that my husband is climbing in bed with _her_ every night and I'm sleeping alone. And it sucks."

Elliot didn't have a response for that, because he understood. He really did. He had just expected her to accept his new reality without really thinking about her new one. "I'm sorry."

She let out a bark. "Yeah. I'm sure."

"Kath, I told you before that I never wanted to hurt you."

"I guess I just would like to think that you're struggling with the change as much as I am. And knowing that you're not makes it hurt even more."

"You'll find someone…"

She waved a hand at him. "Don't." she said angrily. "Don't patronize me."

"I'm just saying…"

"I said don't!" she said, the sadness in her voice replaced with anger again.

"I'm sorry." He said again, because he didn't know what else to say. He stood up and walked over towards her. He leaned against the counter next to her. "I really am. But I need to know how we can get past this. Like I said, I don't want to argue with you every time. We're going to be attached to each other for a long time. Graduations and weddings…"

She looked up at him. "I'm trying El. I really am. But it seems like I just get used to one new thing and you throw another one at me." She looked back down at the counter. "It's just…a lot."

He knew she was referring to the revelation that he had a daughter, which had been followed a short time later with news of a new baby on the way. And now a wedding.

"OK." He knew he couldn't ask for much more than that. "What can I do…" His sentence was interrupted by the ringing of his phone. He knew by the ring tone that it was Olivia. He didn't want to answer it, but he wondered why she was calling. He knew that she knew he was with Kathy, and that she wouldn't call unless it was an emergency. He debated for a second, but let it go. He thought they were almost done here, and he could call her right back.

Kathy was watching him as he debated answering it. "Work?" she asked.

Elliot shook his head. "It's fine. I'll call back."

"New wife got you on a short leash?"

He clenched his jaw; he wasn't going to give in to his urge to lash back verbally. He was surprised when he heard Kathy apologize softly.

"It's OK." He said, amazed at hearing she was sorry. He knew then that she really was trying. "I'm not asking you to accept all of these changes for my sake. I'm a son-of-a-bitch and probably deserve everything you're throwing at me. But I love my kids Kath. And I know they don't want to see us fighting all the time. I want us to be able to get together on special occasions, and not have Olivia feel like she can't come. I want Elise to know you and what a great person you are."

Kathy looked up at him sharply, and he knew he probably pushed her a little too far in one day. Before he could say anything, his phone started ringing again. It was Olivia's ring tone and he cursed silently under his breath before he hit silent on the ringer.

He put a hand on Kathy's shoulder, but she shrugged it off. She turned to look at him. "I understand what you want." She said. "You want everyone to be happy and for me just to play nice with your new girlfriend."

He didn't hear any anger or spite in her voice. She was just talking evenly and he supposed that was an improvement.

"And what I told you is that I'm trying. And I am. That's all I can do right now."

Elliot's phone went off again but this time it wasn't Olivia. It was Cragen.

Kathy looked at him expectantly. "Just get it." Her life had been interrupted by work more often than she could possibly track.

"Stabler."

"Where are you?" Cragen asked. His tone was calm, quiet. His panic spiked because this wasn't about work.

"What's wrong?" he asked, anxiety in his voice.

"Olivia's been trying to reach you." He said. "Fin's taken her to Presbyterian."

"What happened?" he yelled into the phone. "Is she OK?" He'd left her and Elise on their way to the park. His mind conjured up a hundred different horrible scenarios.

"There was some blood." Cragen said. "It's probably fine." He said, trying to assure him. "But her doctor…"

"Blood?" Elliot said, looking over at Kathy. His mind couldn't compute for a second. With everything they saw every day, his first thought was that she had been attacked. But then the gears clicked into place and he felt fear seep into his belly. "The baby?" he whispered.

"We don't know anything Elliot." He said. "I just know you need to get there as soon as possible. Where are you?"

"Queens." Elliot said, his mind a jumble of thoughts. Olivia must be freaked out and he wasn't there. And what about Elise? Where was she?

As if reading his mind, Cragen chimed in again. "Fin was with them, so he took her to the hospital. Elise is with them. Go to the ER."

"She's in the ER?" Now his panic really spiked. "I'm on my way." He hung up the phone.

"What is it?" Kathy asked, concern etched on her face.

"Olivia. She's bleeding. They took her to the hospital." He started heading towards the door. "I have to go."

He pushed out the front door but Kathy rushed past him. "You're in no condition to drive. I'll take you." She said. Elliot wanted to protest, but he knew she was right. And he needed to make some phone calls. The first one was to Fin to find out what the hell was going on.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia was thankful that they put her in one of the exam rooms right away, despite all of the patients waiting in the ER. She knew it was because wasn't waiting for one of the ER doctors. She heard them page her doctor, and she tried to quell her anxiety. She wished Fin could have come in the room with her, but he had his hands full with a very upset Elise. She wished Elliot was there. She'd tried calling him a couple of times on the way home while Fin was on the phone with Cragen, but had given up when they got there. Cragen had assured her that he would get him there.

The nurse came in and took her vitals, and told her to take her jeans and underwear off and lay down on the table. She gave her a sheet to cover up with and left. Olivia had just climbed on to the table and lay the sheet across the lower half of her body when her doctor came in the room. She walked over to Olivia and rested a hand on her arm. She had a calming smile on her face. "I'm glad you called me." She said. "So tell me what's going on."

Olivia told her about going to the bathroom and seeing a few spots of blood in her underwear.

"Are you feeling any cramping?"

Olivia shook her head.

"That's good. We're going to get the ultrasound machine in here and listen for a heartbeat and take a look. But while we're waiting, can you tell me the last couple of days. Tell me your activities."

Olivia's mind went blank. She couldn't even think.

"OK, let's just start with yesterday. What did you do yesterday afternoon and evening?"

Suddenly, it all came rushing back to her. She lifted her hand. "I got engaged." She said, her voice wavering as it all came rushing back.

"Congratulations." The doctor said.

"Oh God. We celebrated. I had about a third of a glass of wine." She said, horror creeping into her voice.

"It's OK." The doctor said, taking notes. "What else did you do?"

Olivia blushed, remembering their night in the hotel.

The doctor smiled. "So, you had sex."

Olivia nodded. "God."

"It's OK to have sex Olivia."

"Yeah, but…" she knew she shouldn't be embarrassed but she didn't want to tell the doctor just how many times they'd had sex last night. Part of her couldn't even believe that was just last night. It seemed so long ago.

The doctor furrowed her brow slightly, wondering what she wasn't saying. "Was it rough?"

"No!" Olivia said. Sex with Elliot was always a full contact sport, but never what someone would consider rough. "He would never hurt me. We just…had sex several times."

The doctor nodded. "OK. So then what did you do today?"

"We went home. We went out for lunch. And then I took Elise to the park. My daughter. She's four."

"Were you playing on the equipment with her? Climbing and things?"

Olivia shook her head. "No, but she fell. She bumped her head and she had the wind knocked out of her and I had to take her to Urgent Care to get her checked out." Her hand came up to her mouth. "I lifted her up off the ground. I was carrying her." She thought about how long she'd been carrying her; Fin had tried to take her but Elise had refused and she hadn't thought…

"I'm so stupid. Elliot told me…" She realized how reckless she'd been. "He told me to let people help but …"

"Let's not panic Olivia." She said. "We don't know that anything's wrong."

The door opened and Olivia expected to see Elliot come storming through the door, but she saw it was a woman rolling in the ultrasound machine.

The doctor backed away slightly and put her paperwork on the desk. "This will give us a good chance to look at that baby. Your ultrasound was scheduled for early next week anyway so we could get a due date and see just how far along you are. So this is great. We get to do it early."

Olivia knew she was trying to keep her calm, pretending like everything was fine. But she didn't feel as confident.

The tech rolled the equipment into place on the other side of the table.

"Ready?" asked the doctor as the tech grabbed the bottle of gel in her hand.

Olivia bit her lip, really wishing Elliot was there with her. She debated asking them to wait. Asking them to call him and find out where he was. If this was bad news, she wasn't going to be able to bear it alone. She looked up at the doctor and saw she was waiting for a response.

Olivia nodded. The doctor grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and lifted it up slightly while the tech rolled the sheet down, exposing her abdomen.

"We'll listen for the heart and then we'll do the ultrasound." She said. "We know you're not very far long, so let's not panic if we don't hear the heartbeat, OK? Sometimes it's hard to hear at this stage." She looked at Olivia for any sign that she understood what she was saying. "OK?"

Olivia nodded, but she knew she wouldn't be able to stop the fear that was snaking its way through her body.

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Kathy was driving like a crazy woman, and for once, Elliot was thankful. He'd tried calling Fin, but wasn't getting any answer, so he called Cragen again. Unfortunately, Cragen didn't have any more information, and Elliot hung up the phone in frustration. He dialed Olivia's number on a whim, knowing she wouldn't probably have her phone on in the hospital, and was surprised when she answered.

"Liv?" he said. "Is everything OK? I'm on my way."

"Daddy, you 'terrupted my game."

Elliot realized it was Elise who had answered the phone. "Elise. Where's Mommy?" he said.

"I dunno. They took her away." She said. "They wouldn't let me go with her."

"You're at the hospital?"

"Fin said I could play a game on Mommy's phone if I stopped crying. I don't like the doctor. We were already here today and now we had to come again. There are lots of hurted people here and they won't let me see Mommy and I want to go home."

"Fin is with you?" he asked, not even trying to make sense of what she was telling him. "Can I talk to him?"

"I want to play my game." She pouted.

"Put Fin on the phone!" Elliot said tersely.

"Fine!" she said, and Elliot could hear her sniffling as she said something to Fin.

"Hey." Said Fin.

"Tell me what's going on." Elliot demanded.

"I don't have an update. I was at your place and Liv went to the bathroom and saw some blood and panicked. I didn't think it seemed like a lot…"

Elliot didn't want to even ask why Fin under what circumstances he'd seen Olivia's underwear. If she'd let him in the bathroom, it must have been bad. Worse than they were telling him. "So she called her doctor?" He prompted.

"Yeah, she said she was here at the hospital doing rounds and to come in. So we came. They whisked her into a room and I stayed here with Elise and I haven't heard boo. Where are you?"

"I'm on my way." He looked up to see where they were. He was happy that the hospital was on the east side of Manhattan. We're almost to the Queensboro Bridge. But traffic…"

"I know man. I try to let Liv know you're on your way."

"OK thanks." He hung up the phone, not sure what else he could do. He had to trust that she knew he was coming.

"Fin's there with Elise?" Kathy asked.

He looked over at her. "Yeah." He shook his head. "He's going to try to let her know I'm on my way."

"I'm sure she knows." She said. "I know Olivia's pregnancy is higher risk, but a little blood can be caused by all kinds of things." She said. "It doesn't necessarily mean the worst." She reached out and put a hand on Elliot's.

He looked at her hand on his and then over at her. She couldn't know how much he appreciated her words and her attempt to comfort him. She was a nurse, so he knew her words weren't just platitudes. He turned his hand over and squeezed hers. "Thanks." He whispered. "I appreciate that more than you know." He turned to look out the window, cursing the traffic in front of them. Kathy took her hand from his and pushed down on the horn of the car, as if that could urge the snarled traffic forward.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia heard a knock on the door and a nurse poked her head in. She looked at Olivia. "There's a man out in the waiting room that has an urgent message for you." She said. "He said to tell you that Elliot is on the way and he's getting here as fast as he can. But best guess is it'll still be about half an hour."

Olivia lay her head back on the table and squeezed her eyes shut. They couldn't wait for him. She opened her eyes and looked at the doctor. "Go ahead." She said. She gripped the sides of the exam table as the doctor put the fetal Doppler unit on her abdomen. The doctor kept moving it around, trying to get a sound, but all Olivia heard is silence. After a full minute of trying to locate the heartbeat, she pulled it from her skin.

Olivia must have given her a wild look because the doctor immediately reminded her that sometimes it's hard to find the heartbeat in the early stages. "The ultrasound will give me a better idea of where the baby is and we'll see what we can find out."

She nodded at the tech, and Olivia jumped as she squirted some of the warm gel on her stomach. She watched the screen as the tech placed the wand in the gel and started moving around her belly. She had no idea what she was looking at on the screen as images moved along. "If you're about six weeks along as we suspect, the baby is only about the size of a pea." The doctor said, and Olivia knew she was just trying to keep her distracted

Olivia was starting to feel nauseous. All the anxiety was getting to her and she closed her eyes. She could feel the wand moving over her skin, but she felt herself starting to detach. She wanted to sleep and make this horrible nightmare go away.

"The head is forming, as are some of the major organs." Olivia heard the tech clicking keys on the keyboard. "You can't really see the nose or eyes, but you can see where they'll be." The doctor must have noticed that her eyes were closed. "Don't you want to see your baby Olivia?"

Olivia's eyes snapped open and she looked at the screen.

The tech pointed to a spot on the screen and zoomed in.

"See, there's the head." She said. "It's kind of hard to make out."

"It's OK?" Olivia said incredulously. "The baby's OK?"

The doctor nodded. "Looks that way. It's moving slightly. I'm going to have Laura finalize the measurements and we'll try to get the heartbeat again, but everything looks good. I'd say we're right in the ballpark. Between 6 and 7 weeks."

Olivia felt tears of relief flood down her cheeks.

"I'm not saying we're out of the woods yet Olivia. I want to keep you overnight for observation because I don't like where the placenta is sitting right now. It's a condition called Placenta Previa and it usually corrects itself, but that could be the cause of your bleeding. Let's just keep an eye on you and have you rest. And then we'll do another ultrasound tomorrow. Does that sound OK?"

Olivia nodded, unable to speak. The ultrasound tech kept moving the wand around and Olivia closed her eyes. She realized how lucky she was and vowed that she would do whatever was necessary to keep this baby healthy and to full term.

The tech had finished up and the doctor had given her an exam. She told her that they were going to bring a wheel chair to take her up to a room, and she gave Olivia a hospital gown to put on. "I'm going to let you change and then an orderly will move you up to your room." She handed Olivia a square piece of paper. "Here you go. Your first baby picture."

Olivia grasped the flimsy piece of paper in her hands and stared at it. She felt another tear slip down her face. "I'm sorry baby." She said. "I'm going to keep you safe."

She heard the door open, expecting the orderly. But she saw Elliot standing there and she couldn't hold it in any longer. She burst into tears when she saw him standing there.

Elliot rushed over to her. "Liv. I got here as quickly as I could." He saw her tears and heard her sobs and his heart stopped. He knew he had to be strong for her. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she sat on the table, and placed a kiss on the top of her head. "I'm sorry." He whispered. "I'm so sorry." He wanted to tell her they could try again…he wanted to tell her that he didn't care if they never had another baby. Just as long as she was OK.

Olivia realized he thought the worse. "No El. No. It's OK." He didn't seem to hear her because he just kept repeating he was sorry over and over again. She shoved the slip of paper in his hand. "Do you want to see your baby?"

"What?" he stared down at the ultrasound photo and then looked back at her. "The baby's OK?"

She nodded. "They're going to keep me overnight. And I have to be careful. I need to take it easy. I'm so sorry…"

Elliot wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "Shhh. It's OK Liv. It's going to be OK." He held on to her and ran his hands up and down her back, listening to her cry softly into his chest. "We're going to be OK.


	47. Chapter 47

_Sorry if this chapter is a little boring. Sometimes we need some transition chapters and there's not a lot of action! Sorry!_

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot and Olivia had been sitting in the exam room for about ten minutes, and Olivia's tears had subsided. Olivia had moved over slightly, and Elliot was sitting half-on, half-off the table, rubbing her back.

"I don't want to stay overnight." She said. "I'd rather go home."

"I know. But I think it's a good idea." Elliot said. "You need to take it easy for a few days."

Olivia nodded. She knew he was right. Before she could say anything, they heard a knock on the door.

"Come in." said Elliot, standing up. The nurse poked her head in. "There are a couple of people in the waiting room that are asking for an update." She paused and stood there, a question in her eyes. Elliot knew she wouldn't give them any information. He didn't want to leave Olivia, but he knew Fin was worried about her.

He stood up and looked at Olivia. "I'm just going to go talk to Fin."

She nodded, reaching for his arm. "Tell him thank you from me. If he hadn't been at the apartment with me, I'm not sure what I would have done."

Elliot left her with the nurse and walked out to the waiting area. He stopped when he saw Elise sitting on Kathy's lap and looking through a magazine. He wasn't sure why, but he had expected Kathy to leave once she dropped him off. Fin saw him as he walked into the room and he stood up. Kathy glanced up, her eyes meeting his as he walked closer.

"How's Liv?" Fin asked, apprehension in his voice.

"She's OK for now. And the baby is fine." Elliot said, and he saw Fin relax. "She said to tell you thanks." A thought occurred to him. "Why were you at the apartment? Olivia said you were there."

Fin glanced back at Elise, and realized that in the rush of the current emergency, Olivia probably hadn't told him at Elise's fall. "Liv was at the park today and Elise fell off the ladder. She needed some help to get her to the clinic and get checked out."

Elliot furrowed his brow. "Elise fell?" He looked back over at Elise. "What did the doctor say?"

"He said she's fine. Just a bump on the head. No concussion." He said. "But Liv was a little freaked out. Seems like maybe she hasn't had to make an ER run with that kid yet." Fin must have seen the question in his eyes. "I was closer. I know she was going to call you when we got home, but then…" Fin motioned towards the exam rooms. "This happened."

Elliot knew he couldn't be mad that Olivia hadn't called him. Her focus had been on Elise, as it should have been. Plus, since she wasn't seriously injured, she wouldn't have wanted to interrupt her conversation with Kathy. He glanced over at Elise again, chatting happily on Kathy's lap as she looked through her magazine. He turned back towards Fin and held out his hand. "Thanks for everything man."

Fin raised an eyebrow at the gesture. But he took his hand and shook it. "Anything for Liv." He said.

Elliot smiled at his comment. He knew the truce between he and Fin was a tentative one, and if it ever came to choosing sides, Fin would land squarely on Olivia's. He jerked his head back towards the exam rooms. "I'm sure she'd like to thank you herself. Why don't you go back and say hi?"

"Sure?" Fin asked.

Elliot nodded, knowing Fin probably wanted to see she was OK for himself. Olivia was like a sister to him, and he felt almost as protective of her as he was.

"Room B5." Elliot said as Fin headed down the hallway. He watched Fin walk down the hallway and he sat down next to Kathy. Elise looked up at him. "Hi Daddy." She said brightly.

"Hey sweetheart. What are you doing?" he asked, seeing that the magazine she was looking at was some kind of fashion magazine.

"I'm looking at the pretty dresses." She said. "You said we could all get pretty new dresses." She turned her attention back to the magazine.

"So Olivia is OK?" Kathy asked, keeping her voice quiet. Elise was chatting to herself and wasn't really paying attention, and Elliot was glad she was distracted.

He nodded. "Yeah, everything is OK for now. But she needs to stay overnight. She needs to take it easy for a few days."

"I'm sure everything will be fine." Kathy said, patting the top of his thigh.

"I hope so. I swear the woman doesn't know the meaning of those words." He blew air out through pursed lips. He saw Fin walking back towards them and he stood up. "Everything OK?" he asked as Fin reached him.

Fin nodded. "Yeah. She's just getting impatient." He smiled. "So I know she's feeling better."

Elliot smiled, knowing she was going to fight him on staying overnight again. As much as it pissed him off sometimes, he had to admire her tenacity.

"Hey." Fin said. "Cragen called while you were in with Liv. He wants you to call him and give him an update on Liv. And he said to tell you that he's sorry, but he needs you back at the house tomorrow. We got a few new cases and we're just overloaded."

Elliot grimaced. He felt bad about how much time he had missed and the extra work for the squad.

"Sorry man." Said Fin apologetically.

"No." said Elliot. "I know you guys have been pulling a lot of extra time and I appreciate it. I'll work it out."

"Yeah, we all do what we can. I have to get back…" He said. He looked over at Kathy and she nudged Elise until she looked up at Fin.

"Say bye to Fin." She said.

Elise waved distractedly. "Bye bye Fin Fin." She said and then laughed at herself.

When he was gone, Elliot turned back to Kathy. "I'm going to go see what's going on with Olivia. Do you mind if Elise stays with you for just a few more minutes?"

"Of course not." She said, giving him a small smile.

"Thanks." He said. He turned to head back down the hallway when he heard her say his name. He stopped and turned back to her.

He saw her hesitate, but then she spoke. "I meant what I said earlier. I am trying." She said.

"Yeah, I know." Just the fact that she drove him here and was watching his daughter was huge. A few weeks ago…hell, just yesterday, he never would have imagined this scene if front of him.

"I know that you're going to think this is a little crazy…." She said. "But Elise could come home with me and stay overnight. Liz and Dick are home. She could stay during the day tomorrow. Until you're home or…"

"Kathy, I can't ask you to do that." He could barely believe she had even offered.

"You didn't ask. I offered." She said.

Elliot started to object again, but she interrupted.

"I told you that I'm trying to adjust to this new situation, and I'm still not sure what my relationship with Olivia is going to be. But you have to know that I would never hope for something to happen to her or to the b-a-b-y." she said, spelling out baby for Elise's benefit. "She needs to rest and you need to work. It's either bring her home with me or see if one of the girls can come stay with you." She shrugged her shoulders. "This just seems like a good option."

Elliot looked down the hallway towards the exam rooms, wondering what Olivia would say to this offer. He hadn't really thought it through, but he knew Kathy was right. He didn't have a lot of options.

"Talk to Olivia." Kathy said.

Elliot nodded, knowing that she understood what he was thinking. Two women in his life that could read him like a book. "I will."

He headed back down the hallway and to the exam room. He saw Olivia look up at him expectantly when he walked in the room.

"Where's Elise?" she asked, moving her head to the side as if to look behind him.

"She's in the waiting room."

"You left her by yourself?" she said, starting to swing her legs off the exam table.

"Of course not." He said, grabbing her legs and moving them back on to the table. "Kathy's with her."

Olivia stilled and Elliot saw a look of confusion on her face. "Kathy?"

Elliot nodded. "We were talking when I heard…" He took a deep breath and let it out quickly. "I was a little distracted and so she offered to drive me."

"Oh." Olivia said, surprised that he had let her. She wondered what the conversation had been prior to that, and if they had come to some kind of understanding. "So…you guys talked things through? She wasn't upset about the engagement?"

Elliot shook his head. "No, she was upset at first." Elliot didn't want to get into it now; they could discuss it later. "She told me that things are happening so quickly and she's trying to adjust. She doesn't want us to keep fighting. She's trying."

Olivia nodded. She was glad to hear that maybe things were improving. "That's good." She said. "I'm glad it went well."

"Well, it's still going to take some time." He said. He didn't tell her how the whole discussion had started…with anger and spite. "But…" He didn't know if she was going to go for Kathy's proposal. He wasn't even sure how he felt about it. It wasn't that he was worried about Elise being in Kathy's care. It was just that it felt strange…there were two parts of his life. And his kids bridged both right now, but Kathy didn't. Maybe this was a good first step and a way to move them all forward.

"You know you have to stay overnight and I have to go to work tomorrow."

"Yeah." Olivia said, sighing. She really didn't want to lay around in the hospital all night, but she knew it was for the best. "I'll be alright here by myself." She really wanted him there with her, but knew he had to take Elise home. "But I want to see Elise before you go."

"About that…" he started. He slipped his fingers between hers. "Kathy offered to take Elise home with her."

"What?" Olivia asked, surprise in her voice.

"She offered to take Elise back to the house. Liz and Dick are there. Then I can stay here with you and she'll have someone to stay with while I go to work. You can take the day and get some rest." As he explained it to her, he warmed up to the idea.

"And you think that's a good idea?" she asked. It certainly sounded like he did, but she wasn't sure how she felt about it.

He squeezed her hand. "What do you think is going to happen if she's with Kathy?"

"Nothing." She said quickly. "It' just that the last time I saw her, she was screaming in my face and now she's offering to take care of our daughter? You have to admit it's a little strange."

"She's trying."

Olivia nodded, almost imperceptibly. "I know."

Elliot swept his thumb back and forth across the back of her hand. "I want to stay with you tonight." He said. "She'll be fine."

"I want to talk to Elise first and see if she's OK with it. If she's not, then I want you to take her home and we will figure something out for tomorrow."

"You're going to leave the decision in the hands of a four-year-old?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

Olivia raised an eyebrow at him. "Sometimes I think she's smarter than me." She laughed. "And she's certainly smarter than you."

Elliot laughed, glad to hear her giving him a hard time. "You're most definitely feeling better." He said. "I'll go get her."

When Elliot left, Olivia tried to figure out why she felt uneasy about Elise going with Kathy. _Maybe because she'd done everything in her power to break them up five years ago and had succeeded. Maybe because she'd been a complete bitch the last time she saw her._ Olivia tried to put herself in her shoes, as she had many times before, and on some level she could understand why she was still upset. Not only had Olivia come back into Elliot's life, but with a daughter. And then announced a new baby was on the way. Followed by news of an engagement.

And Kathy had been kind to Elise. Of course she knew she would be. Kathy wasn't some monster; Olivia didn't really think she had a mean bone in her body. In all honesty, Kathy was pretty milquetoast. Frankly, she'd been surprised at the level of vehemence she had shown when she confronted her at Elliot's apartment. She didn't think she had it in her to say the things she'd said, or to keep this fight up with Elliot.

 _She's trying._ Elliot's words echoed in her ear.

Olivia knew she had to try as well. It was all in the best interest long term.

The door opened and she saw Elliot come back in the room carrying Elise.

"Mommy!" she said, stretching out her arms. Olivia smiled, happy to see her. Her smile faded slightly as she saw Kathy walk into the room, and she shot a look at Elliot.

"I'm not staying." Kathy said, hovering by the door. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm glad everything's OK. And to tell you that I wouldn't have offered to take her." She nodded towards Elise. "If I didn't want to. You need to take it easy and we're just going to be home…" She seemed to realize she was rambling as she stood awkwardly just inside the door.

Elliot settled Elise down next to her and Olivia heard him admonish Elise to be gentle. Elise curled into her side and Olivia wrapped one arm around her and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"I'm just going to go back to the waiting room." She said, and she slipped out the door before Olivia could say anything.

Olivia looked back at Elliot. "You really think this is a good idea?" she asked.

"If you're not comfortable with the idea, we can figure something else out." He said. He knew it had to be awkward for her.

"I said I'd leave it up to Elise." She said.

"What?" Elise said, her ears perking up at the mention of her name. "What 'sup to me?"

Olivia had decided that she wasn't going to tell Elise she had to stay in the hospital. That might be too scary for her. "So that nice lady you were with before? Kathy?" Do you remember who she is?" Elise had only met her briefly, and Olivia knew she may not even remember. "She's Elizabeth's mommy. And Dick and Kathleen and Maureen. Do you remember when I told you that?"

Elise nodded her head, but Olivia could see she was thinking. Maybe trying to recall their earlier conversation or trying to figure it out. "But Daddy is there Daddy too." She said. "But they have a different Mommy."

"Yes, Kathy is their mom."

"OK." Elise said, shrugging her shoulders.

"She invited you to a sleepover at her house." Olivia said. "Do you think you'd like to do that?" Elise had never slept over at anyone's except Cragen's, unless you count sleeping at Elliot's. But at least Elliot's was a second home.

"Am I going to live there now?" she asked.

Olivia pulled her tight. "No baby. It's just for one night. Liz and Dick will be there too."

"Do you think Kathy has any toys at her house?" she asked.

Olivia looked up at Elliot. "I'm sure she does honey."

"All kinds of toys." Elliot chimed in. "And I also happen to know that there is ice cream in the freezer at all times."

Olivia rolled her eyes. That man knew how to seal the deal. Ice Cream was one of Elise's favorites.

Elise got excited when she heard Elliot's words. She jumped up and Elliot caught her as she almost tumbled off the table.

"I guess that means yes." Olivia said.

"Can we go now?" Elise asked.

Olivia felt a small pang at how easily Elise accepted Kathy, and the idea of going to her house. She knew it was a stab of jealousy, and she had to quell it. She'd had Elise to herself for four years, and she should be happy that she was adjusting to all of these hew people in her life. There had been some bumps, and some confusion on her part, but overall, she was accepting all of the changes with relative ease.

"Give me a hug." She said. Elliot set her on the exam table next to Olivia again, and she threw herself into her arms. Olivia held her close and then pulled back, kissing her on both cheeks. "Be on your best behavior Elise Benson. Do you hear me?"

Elise nodded solemnly. "I promise Mommy."

"I'll see you tomorrow." She said, giving her one last hug.

Elliot scooped her back into his arms and leaned in and gave Olivia a kiss. "We have my car, so I'm going to go back to our apartment with these two and get some things for Elise. Then I'll pack a bag for you and me and come back with your car. OK?"

Olivia nodded. Elliot opened the door and Elise looked back at Olivia and waved. "Bye Mommy." She blew her a kiss and Olivia pretended to catch it with a smile.

EOEOEOEOEO

It was almost two hours before Elliot returned to the hospital and found Olivia's room. He opened the door quietly, and saw she was lying on her side with the back to her door. He watched for a minute, and saw her breathing was slow. He knew she must be sleeping and was glad she was taking advantage of the peace and quiet. He closed the door as quietly as he could and set down the duffle bag he'd brought.

He headed for the lounge chair next to the bed, when he heard her voice.

"Come lay with me." She said, lifting her arm and rolling onto her back slightly so she could look at him.

"I thought you were asleep."' He said. "Did I wake you?"

"No." she whispered. "You didn't."

He moved over and stood next to her, taking her outstretched hand in his. "Get some sleep."

She moved over farther on the bed. "Lay with me." She repeated.

Elliot toed off his shoes. "You sure?"

"Positive." She said, pulling her hand from his and patting the spot behind her.

Elliot climbed onto the bed as gently as possible. There was barely room on the bed for both of them and his body was tight up against hers. He tucked his right arm beneath his head and wrapped one arm around her waist. She took his hand and splayed it out over her belly. She placed her hand over his, feeling the warmth of his hand through the thin hospital gown.

"I'm sorry I wasn't listening to you." She said. "I don't want anything to happen to this baby. You have to know that."

Elliot squeezed her gently. "Of course I know that."

"I know I shouldn't have been lifting and carrying Elise but she was hurt."

Elliot tensed slightly. He hadn't heard the details about her fall. "Did the doctor say that was what had caused the bleeding?" he asked. He wanted to ask her what the hell she'd been thinking, but he tried to keep calm.

"She didn't say specifically. Just reminded me to take precautions." She had felt Elliot tense up, and his hand had stilled against her stomach. "She was hurt. I couldn't just leave her lying there. You would have done the same thing."

"Why didn't you call for help?" he asked, ignoring her comment.

"I did! I called Fin. But I wasn't going to just leave her lying on the ground." She said, her tone escalating slightly.

Elliot let out a breath and pressed a kiss into her hair. "I know." He had to let it go. The baby was OK. She was OK. He knew she'd be more careful from now on. Arguing with her about it wasn't going to help.

"El…" she said.

"Shhh. It's OK." He kissed the shell of her ear as he pressed the side of his face against hers. "Just go to sleep."

Olivia listened to him, trying to decide if he was angry, but she didn't hear any animosity in his voice. He had started rubbing his thumb back and forth across her abdomen. The emotions of the day…hell, of the last 24 hours…were catching up with her, and she felt herself drifting off to sleep.


	48. Chapter 48

Olivia felt like they hadn't been sleeping very long when the nurse woke them, chastising Elliot with a scowl as he climbed out of the crowded hospital bed.

"Miss Benson needs to get her rest." She said as she fit the blood pressure cuff over her arm.

Olivia tried to suppress a smile as Elliot tried to look appropriately apologetic. The nurse continued to tell them that this wasn't a hotel and that there was a reason she was in the hospital in the first place and on and on as she continued assessing Olivia's vital signs.

"Got it." Said Elliot, flashing a smile at the nurse. She was apparently immune to his charms, because she gave him another scowl. She was done taking Olivia's blood pressure and was checking her pulse rate when she looked back at Elliot. "I'm going to need you to leave the room while I take care of a few more things." She said, nodding her head towards the doorway.

Elliot wanted to protest. What could she possibly be doing that Elliot couldn't witness? He'd seen Olivia naked…. He looked up and saw Olivia still trying to contain a smile.

"Better listen to her El." She was getting a kick out of this little nurse pushing this big, brawny man around. This was clearly her domain, and she wasn't putting up with any shit.

"OK. I'm not going to fight both of you." He said, putting his hands up in surrender. "I'll be back in twenty minutes."

"Come back in an hour." The nurse told him.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot was gone an hour and not a minute longer. He saw the door to Olivia's door was ajar, and he poked his head inside. He heard Olivia talking and saw she was on the phone. She signaled for him to come inside and he walked over and sat down in the chair next to the bed.

While she was finishing up, Elliot just watched her. He noticed her hair was damp, curling around her face, and he realized she must have taken a shower. Her color looked better and she was animated as she talked on the phone. He tried not to listen, but it became quickly apparent that she was talking to Casey. She must have told her about the engagement, because he heard her telling Casey not to make a big deal out of it and that they hadn't set a date yet. She finished up the conversation by telling her she would call her tomorrow, and hung up the phone.

"Sorry." She said as she hung up. "I remembered I was supposed to have lunch with her tomorrow so I thought I'd better call."

Elliot stood up. "It's not a problem. I'm glad you had a chance to talk to her." He leaned in for a kiss. "How did she take the news?" he asked.

"I think she blew out an eardrum." Olivia said with a small laugh. "She said it was about time you grew a pair. That's an exact quote."

Elliot pretended to be offended. "Grew a pair?"

Olivia shrugged. "Her words, not mine." She leaned in and wrapped her hands around his neck, pulling him in for another kiss. "I told her there was no problem in that area." She kissed him gently but firmly, and Elliot brushed her hair back from her face. He pulled back slightly from the kiss and looked into her eyes.

"Thanks for defending my manhood." He said with a chuckle.

Olivia grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt. " _Your_ manhood? It's about to be half mine."

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"When we're married, half of everything you have is mine." She said with a mischievous gleam in her eyes.

"I hate to break it to you Liv, but all of me belongs to you. Has for a long time." He growled playfully and leaned in for another kiss.

He heard someone clear their throat, and saw the nurse standing in the doorway. "Lab tech needs to take some blood." She moved out of the way as the tech rolled a cart into the room. She looked at Olivia and then at Elliot. "Is this going to be an issue?" she said, clearly looking at Olivia, but referring to Elliot.

Olivia smiled again. "No. It's not."

Elliot rolled his eyes, wishing he could ask this nurse what time she got off duty. He hoped it was soon because he didn't want to put up with her all night. He was going to spend the night…sprawled in that uncomfortable chair if he had to…and she wasn't going to kick him out.

"OK. That's good to hear." She started to walk towards the door while the tech took some blood, giving Elliot a pointed look as she left the room.

When the tech was done, she put cotton and a Band-Aid on the needle site and left them alone. Elliot snagged a small bag he had carried in with him from the chair and stood next to the bed.

"I brought a surprise for you." He motioned for her to scoot back on the bed, and Olivia pulled her legs up in front of her and crossed them. Elliot climbed up on the bed and sat across from her, his legs pretzeled in front of him as well. He set the brown paper bag in between them.

Olivia leaned over, trying to see inside the bag.

Elliot pushed her back lightly. "No peeking."

Olivia sat back with a grin on her face. "What is it?"

Elliot looked over at her, and was taken aback by the woman sitting in front of him. Her hair had dried a bit and was loose and wavy. She didn't have any make-up on, but her skin was tan and smooth with a smattering of freckles. She was smiling broadly; the kind of smile that reached her eyes and gave them a brightness and playfulness that he loved. She was stunning.

Olivia realized Elliot was staring at her and she ducked her head slightly. "I know. I'm a mess." She said.

"You look beautiful." He said quietly. "Absolutely stunning."

Olivia looked up at him sideways, her head still turned to the side slightly. "You're crazy." She said, brushing the hair that had fallen over her face.

Elliot reached across and grabbed her hand, holding it in his. "No, I'm not crazy at all." He held her hand for a second and watched a slight blush creep into her cheeks. He released her hand then, not wanting her to become more uncomfortable.

"Quit stalling and show me what's in the bag." She prompted, leaning in again.

Elliot pushed her back gently again. "OK, close your eyes."

Olivia let out an exaggerated groan, but closed her eyes. She heard the bag rustling, and wondered what Elliot could have gotten for her.

"OK, open our eyes."

Olivia opened her eyes and saw Elliot with his hand held flat and a clear plastic container resting there. She gasped as she realized what it was. "Chocolate Truffle Cake from Ferrara's?" She grabbed the container from his hand. "I think I love you!" She opened the container and the smell of chocolate wafted over her. She inhaled the smell and moaned, followed by a chuckle from Elliot. She absolutely loved chocolate, but rarely ate it. That kind of addiction would mean she'd have to spend every waking minute in the gym. So she tried to eat it sparingly. But Chocolate Truffle Cake. From Ferrara's. This was a slice of heaven itself.

Elliot handed her a fork he pulled from the bag. "I wish you'd moan like that for me." He teased.

Olivia rolled her eyes, knowing he took personal satisfaction in just how much he could make her moan. "Just give me a fork."

Elliot pulled two forks out of the bag and handed her one. "Are you going to share?" he asked, leaning over with his fork poised over her dessert.

Olivia brought up her fork, stopping his advance. "You didn't get a dessert for yourself?" She asked. She rarely got a piece of cake from Ferrara…and she wasn't anxious to give him any of it.

"Seriously?" he asked.

"I'm eating for two."

"If you eat that whole piece, it's going to go right to your ass." He teased. "Don't blame me if your butt gets huge."

Olivia shook her head, spearing a piece of cake with her fork. "It's a chance I'm willing to take." She took a bite and closed her eyes as the taste filled her senses. "Mmmm." She said as the rich flavors assaulted her. "I would give up sex if I could have this every day."

"Hey." Elliot said. "I've been replaced by cake?"

Olivia opened her eyes. "Well, my ass is going to be huge, so I figured you won't want me anymore." She laughed.

"I think I've been pretty clear that I _always_ want you." He watched as she put another bite in her mouth, and he chose that moment to steal her a kiss.

"Hmmm. That is good." He said, tasting some chocolate on her lips. He speared his fork into her cake. "Now give me a bite."

Her eyes opened wide and she laughed…a big, full laugh…and Elliot realized that these were the kinds of moments he lived for. He loved absolutely everything about this woman, and he enjoyed all the time they were together. But these unguarded, unplanned, unassuming moments would forever be special to him. He wanted to spend the rest of his life making her laugh like this.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot thought it was crazy that the nurse admonished him about how much Olivia needed her rest, when it seemed like someone was in her room every hour, waking them up. He did end up sleeping in the uncomfortable chair because at least he didn't have to get up every time someone came in the room to check her temperature or take her blood pressure. When he finally got up at 6, he felt more exhausted than he had when he first fell asleep.

Olivia was actually sleeping, and he hesitated, not wanting to wake her before he left. She looked so peaceful curled up on her side. She started to stir, so he leaned over and placed a kiss on her cheek. She opened her eyes, and he could see she that it was taking a minute for her to figure out where she was.

"I have to get going." He whispered. "I'm going to grab a shower in the cribs before I start my day." He slipped his hand in hers. "Call me when you hear from the doctor and when you know what time you're going to be released."

"Mmmm." She murmured as she closed her eyes. He kissed her again and headed out, wondering what was waiting for him at the precinct.

EOEOEOEO

It was still early when he got to the precinct and no one was in except Cragen. He popped his head into his office and gave him a quick update on Olivia. He could see the relief on his face when he heard that everything was OK.

"So, how long is she going to be in the hospital?" he asked.

"They're going to release her today."

Cragen stood up and came around the front of his desk. "Good." He said as he leaned back against it and crossed his arms. "So…"

Elliot raised a brow, wondering what was on his mind.

"Is she going to hold off on coming back to work?" he asked.

"Coming back to work?" Elliot asked. The way Cragen has said it made it sound like she was coming back to SVU.

"Yeah…" Cragen hesitated as if he realized that maybe he had said something he shouldn't.

"What?"

"She hasn't talked to you about going back to work?" Cragen asked.

"Well, yes. But she was talking going back into working with victims." He said, recalling their conversation. "She did mention that she missed being a cop, but we agreed that if she rejoined the NYPD, she would work somewhere like Computer Crimes. That she wouldn't be on the street."

Cragen pushed himself up from his desk. "Oh. OK." He said.

Elliot watched as he started to walk back around his desk. He narrowed his eyes as Cragen turned back to face him. "Wait. Did she talk to you about coming back to SVU?" he asked.

Cragen shrugged. "I must have been mistaken."

"Bullshit." Elliot said. "What did the two of you talk about?"

"I think you should talk to Olivia." He said, sitting down. "I don't want to get in the middle of this."

"Seems like you're already in the middle." Elliot said, annoyance in his tone. "So why don't you tell me what the two of you talked about."

"Elliot." Cragen said, shaking his head.

"Just tell me." He said.

Cragen sighed. "I was just asking her what she was thinking about doing once she got settled and she mentioned that she missed the job…"

"And so you recruited her to come back?"

"Of course not." He said, the volume of his voice increasing as well. "But she asked me if it would ever be an option to come back and I told her that if it was something she was interested, I could look into what the options are…."

"And?"

"She said she was interested."

Elliot sat down hard in the chair and ran one hand through his short hair. "I can't believe she went behind my back. We talked about this." He said incredulously. She had never mentioned the fact that she had talked to Cragen and he wondered why she hadn't said anything. _Who was he kidding?_ He knew exactly why she hadn't said anything.

"Nothing's decided." Cragen said. "She just wanted to know if it was even an option. That doesn't mean she was going to pull the trigger. I'm sure she would have talked to you about it before she made a decision."

Elliot didn't say anything.

"Just talk to her. I imagine with…" he paused. "Well, with what's going on now, that you guys have a lot to talk about. She may not even be ready to go back to work."

"I don't want her out on the street again." Elliot said. "I can't…she can't." He couldn't

"She's good at what she does Elliot." Cragen said. "She was a damn good cop."

"it's too dangerous. We have a daughter now."

"Seems to me you have a daughter too. You've had kids the entire time you've been a cop." Cragen pointed out.

Elliot didn't respond, because he knew he was right. He was still reeling from the fact that she wanted back on the street. She had told him she missed being a cop, but the thought of her chasing down suspects again, especially without him watching her back, was something he didn't even want to think about. "This isn't up for debate." He said. "I don't want her out on the street."

"It seems to me that the Olivia I know doesn't take to being told what she can and can't do." He said.

Elliot's jaw tightened. He realized he was acting like an overprotective ass once again. He knew Cragen was right and that he couldn't, and shouldn't, tell her what she could and couldn't do. "I'll talk to her." He said, standing up. "I need to give her a few days. She needs to take it easy and I don't want to upset her."

He started to head for the door when Cragen stopped him. "I know how you can be when it comes to her." He said. "Make sure you talk to her. And make sure you listen."

Elliot gave him a half nod before he walked out the door.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia was bored out of her mind. She wasn't one for watching TV, and the nurse was keeping her relegated to her room. She was itching to call and check on Elise, but she felt awkward calling Kathy. She kept checking her phone every five minutes to see if she had any messages from Elliot, but no such luck.

"Damn." She swore softly under her breath. She was hoping she could get him to call and check. She didn't want to interrupt him, especially since he was just getting back.

There was a knock on the door, and looked expectantly as she told them to come in. She was a little disappointed to see it was just an orderly with lunch. She wasn't hungry at all, but the nurse had scolded her slightly when she hadn't eaten any breakfast. She lifted the cover from the plate and saw the turkey sandwich with a small salad. Her stomach did a small flip and she lowered he cover again.

She wasn't going to be eating lunch either.

She was just about to check her phone again when it vibrated on the tray. She didn't have the number in her contacts, but it looked vaguely familiar. _Elliot's old home phone number_. Kathy. She answered the call.

"Olivia Benson." She said, falling back into old habits.

"Hi Mommy!"

Olivia smiled when she heard Elise on the other end. "Hi sweetheart. I was just thinking about you."

"What were you thinking about me?" Elise asked.

"I was just wondering if you were having a good time and what you were doing." She wanted to tell her that she missed her, but didn't want Elise to get upset.

"I'm having so much fun. This Kathy mom is really nice. She took me to the store with Liz and we got the new Ariel doll I wanted because I was being such a good girl." She said. "I didn't tell her that I'm a good girl all the time because I wanted the doll so bad Mommy."

Olivia had to stifle a laugh, despite her daughter's manipulative ways. She wanted to be upset that Elise liked Kathy, but she knew it was good that she did.

"Kathy said I could pick what we had for dinner and so I picked pizza. But she made me eat peas so she's just like you Mommy. She said I need to eat vegetables every day and I told her that some days I don't have to but she made me eat them anyway and I told her I like corn better and she said we could have that tomorrow and am I gonna be here tomorrow because Liz said she would take me to the park but she can't take me to the park today because she is at a friend's house."

Olivia laughed into the phone, which made Elise stop her rambling. "Wow, sounds like there's a lot going on."

"They have lots of toys here and I got Dick to play Go Fish with me and I won him three times because he doesn't know how to play good and Liz said he can't ever win a game and he crashed her to the ground and I jumped on him and tickled him and Liz helped me and we beated him and he said he was done with all the sisters and he went upstairs but I think he was just goofing because he was laughing."

Olivia couldn't stop smiling as she listened to Elise ramble, and she realized how quiet their life had been; how fun it was for her to have siblings to play with. She rested a hand over her belly. "I'm glad you're having a good time." She said.

"Can I sleep over again? I got to sleep in Kathleen's bed and when I woke up Liz was in the other bed and I jumped on her and woke her up and she was grumpy but then she told me to go downstairs and Kathy made me pancakes and she let me put as much syrup on 'em as I wanted."

Olivia felt a small pang of jealousy that Elise didn't seem to be missing her. But she knew she was being well cared for and was having a good time and that's what mattered. She knew Kathy was probably trying to keep her distracted and she knew she should be thankful.

"Katie!" Elise yelled.

There was a loud thunk and Olivia realized that Elise had most likely dropped the phone in her haste to greet her sister. She almost hung up when she heard a voice.

"Hello?"

"Kathy?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, sorry. Kathleen came in and she dropped the phone."

"That's what I figured. It's fine." Olivia said.

"She asked about you and I thought you probably wanted to know how she was doing…" Kathy stopped and Olivia realized this was as awkward for Kathy as it was for her.

"Yes. Thanks." She said. "It sounds like she's having a really good time."

"She and Liz are driving Dickie nuts." Kathy said.

"Sorry." Olivia apologized, knowing what a handful Elise could be.

"No. It's good. Keeps him on his toes."

"Kathy." Olivia said. "I just want you to know that I really appreciate the fact that you took Elise. I know that it's…"

Kathy interrupted her. "It's fine Olivia. Let's just…it's fine."

Olivia nodded, even though she knew Kathy couldn't see her. Olivia hadn't really known exactly what she was going to say, except to acknowledge it was an odd situation; and apparently Kathy knew it too.

"OK." Olivia agreed. "I'm going to be going home later today so I'll have Elliot call you and we can figure out how to get Elise."

"That sounds good." Kathy said. "But…well…whatever works. I mean, if she need stay over again, it's fine. I mean it. She's not a problem."

"I don't know if that will be necessary…" She wanted to thank her again, but knew that wasn't necessary. "I'll just have Elliot call you."

"Do you want to say goodbye to Elise?" Kathy asked, some of the tension in her voice gone now that the conversation was ending.

It made Olivia think about the times they had talked on the phone when she was trying to reach Elliot. Early on in their partnership, when Kathy didn't view her as a threat. Of course, that had changed over the course of their partnership.

"No, it's fine."

"OK, well. Bye." Kathy said and hung up the phone.

Olivia held her phone in her hand. "Bye." She said softly.


	49. Chapter 49

The minutes seemed to tick by interminably while Olivia waited for the doctor to make the rounds, and she kept looking at her watch. It was almost 1PM when she finally heard a knock at the door. She was happy to see that it was the doctor and not the nurse or another orderly or lab tech. She felt like a human lab rat with all of the poking and prodding she'd been subjected to in the last 24 hours.

"How are you feeling?" the doctor said as she pulled up another chair next to the lounger Olivia was sitting in.

"Good."

"No cramping?"

"No."

"No bleeding?"

"No."

The doctor looked through her chart. "I don't see the images from your second ultrasound." She looked back at Olivia. "What time did they do your ultrasound this morning?"

"They didn't do another ultrasound this morning." Olivia said.

"What?" The doctor let out a sound of displeasure. She shook her head. "I can't believe the disorganization around here sometimes." She looked up at Olivia. "Well…we don't need to do another one today unless you want to. I can determine your due date from what we have here and we'll do another one in a couple of weeks."

"OK." Olivia said, not sure what to say as the doctor looked at her expectantly.

"Well, based on the development of the fetus and the measurements we took, I estimate you're 7 weeks along. That would have put your conception in mid-May. Does that seem like a possibility?"

Olivia raised an eyebrow. Was the doctor asking her if she and Elliot had had sex in mid-May?

"When did you stop taking birth control?" she continued.

"Oh." Said Olivia, thankful that the doctor clarified and hadn't asked if she knew her actual conception date. "I'm not sure exactly. I guess about the third week in April." She tried to remember that day she had thrown her birth control pills in the garbage. It had been almost right after Elliot had told her he wanted to have another baby; not long after they'd started sleeping together again. Truthfully, she'd thrown them away without a lot of hope that she could actually get pregnant again. It seemed like such a long shot.

"It says hear that you started your last period on April 28th, so that means your due date is February 5th.

"February 5th." Olivia repeated. She tried to think about what day it was, and realized it was July 2nd. "That seems so far away."

"Yes, it is. We have a long road ahead of us. But together we're going to make sure you have a healthy baby." The doctor smiled at her and placed a hand on her knee and patted it, as if reassuring her everything was going to be OK. She withdrew her hand but kept looking at Olivia. "So…I know when you got pregnant with your first baby, you were an NYPD police officer."

Olivia nodded. Doctor Thielen had been her OB/GYN for a long time, and had diagnosed her pregnancy with Elise. But Olivia had left New York, and had to find a new doctor closer to home.

"Are you still in police work?" she asked.

Olivia shook her head. "I'm in between jobs. I'm moving back…well, I mean, I've moved back to New York recently." She shook her head slightly. "Let me start over." She let out a small sigh. "Elliot, Elise's father, is the father of this baby. Elise and I just recently moved back into the city and Elliot and I are getting married." A small smile graced her lips as she said it; it sounded so foreign to her. "I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet. Things have been so crazy and I'm looking at all of my options."

The doctor nodded as she spoke. "Of course, you understand that with your age and everything we've talked about, the restrictions on lifting and other intense physical activity are going to continue throughout your pregnancy. You could even end up on bedrest when we get closer to your due date."

Now it was Olivia's turn to nod. "I understand. And if I go back to being a cop, I would be on desk duty during my pregnancy anyway."

"Well, you've seen firsthand now the result of overdoing it." The doctor admonished.

Olivia was starting to get a little annoyed. "Yes, I heard you. I get it." She said. She really did; she just knew it was going to be hard for her, and she also knew she was going to get sick of everyone telling her to take it easy. She wasn't used to being coddled. And she wasn't anxious to start now.

"Olivia. I'm not trying to keep you from working or doing normal, everyday things. You can exercise and have sex and do most of the things you're used to doing. You just can't push the limits…lift heavy things…overdo it." She had been Olivia's doctor for a long time; she knew how fit Olivia was, and had heard a lot of stories about her job over the years. "Chasing suspects isn't on the list."

EOEOEOEO

Elliot and Tony had just finished interviewing some witnesses and we're leaving the apartment complex. Elliot looked at his watch, and saw it was almost four. He couldn't believe it had taken as long as it had, but their victim had been attacked during a party at one of the tenant's apartments, and several people in the building had been in attendance.

Elliot pulled out his phone as he climbed in the passenger seat, and was surprised he didn't have a message from Olivia. She had told him she would text or call when she got released. He hoped that didn't mean something was wrong.

He looked over at Tony as they pulled away from the curb. "Sorry, but I need to make a call.

Tony nodded. "No problem."

Elliot hit speed dial and heard Olivia's phone ringing on the other end. She picked up on the third ring.

"Hey." He said. "Why are you still at the hospital? Is something wrong?" he asked quickly, not even giving her a chance to respond to his greeting.

"I'm not at the hospital." She said. "I'm at home."

"How did you get home?" he asked. "You were supposed to call me." He worried that maybe he had missed a call or text, but remembered that he didn't have any missed calls, messages or texts when he'd checked.

"I took a cab." She said.

"You did what?" he said in an exasperated tone. "Will they even let you do that?"

"Yes, they will. I knew you were working and it was stupid for me to interrupt you so you could drive all the way to the hospital just to drive me home. That's exactly what cabs are _for_." Olivia said. She knew he would be annoyed, but it really had seemed silly to take him away from work again for just a ride.

"Olivia." He said, in a voice that said he was supremely pissed off but was trying to control it.

"Someone with you?" she asked, knowing that was the only reason he was even trying to be cool.

"I'm in the car." He said.

"That's what I thought." Sha said. "You're completely overreacting."

"Because I wanted to give you a ride home from the hospital?" he asked.

"Yes!" Olivia said forcefully. "I'm not on bedrest for chrissakes. The doctor said I can do everything I normally do, but to just temper it down a little. I can't lift heavy things or do any kind of really strenuous exercise, but otherwise I'm fine. So I think taking a cab is on the list."

"You're missing the point here. I _wanted_ to bring you home." Elliot said.

"And I want you to be at work, helping to catch the bastard that just attacked your latest victim." She said, the sound of her voice escalating to match his. "That's a million times more important than picking up a perfectly capable person and giving them a ride home."

There was silence on the other end of the line and Olivia thought maybe Elliot had hung up on her. She pulled the phone away from her ear for a second to see, but the call was still active.

Elliot thought about the conversation he'd has with Cragen and wondered if she was thinking that she wished it was her out there with him right now. He knew she'd always been passionate about the job, and she'd given it all up when she left. He didn't want her going back…

"El?" she said softly into the phone. "You still there?"

"Yeah." He said, his voice gruff. He'd let his thoughts stray and he wondered if she'd said something else that he had missed. "I'm still here."

"Hey, I was wondering if you were free on February 5th." She said, smiling into the phone.

"What?"

Olivia could hear the confusion in his voice. She knew the sudden change in topic had thrown him, and he had no idea what she was referencing.

"What's happening on February 5th?" he asked, since he hadn't gotten an answer to his question.

"I'm going to need a ride to the hospital. I don't think I'm going to want to take a cab that time." She said playfully.

It obviously took Elliot a second to comprehend what she was saying, but then she heard him. The anger in his voice was gone. "I think I could do that." He said.

"Good, because I love Fin, but I don't want him in the delivery room with me." She said, laughing.

Elliot saw Tony pull up to the curb of their next destination. Another potential witness. "Liv, I gotta go." He said, as he and Tony climbed out of the car. "Can I call you back in an hour or so?"

"That's fine. I understand." She said. "I'll be here." She realized she didn't really know where he was or what he was doing, so she quickly added. "Be safe. Come home to me Elliot."

"I promise." He said, and disconnected the call.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia held the phone in her hand, debating about calling over to Kathy's. She wanted to make sure Elise was behaving herself, and she felt she should tell Kathy that she wasn't certain when they'd be able to come over and get her. But she wasn't sure if she was up for another conversation with Kathy. It was so awkward. She set the phone on the coffee table, and decided she would wait another hour to see if she did hear from Elliot.

She leaned her head back on the couch. She felt restless and wanted to do something. But the doctor had told her to take it easy today and tomorrow, so she assumed that meant she couldn't go for a run or go to the gym. She wished, not for the first time, that she had more friends. All of her friends were cops or lawyers, and were hard at work. She wasn't a much of a shopper and had never established many hobbies. And then after Elise was born…well, she'd been pretty busy.

So now, at times like this, she was bored out of her mind.

She snagged a book off the coffee table and tried to read, but a few pages in, she threw it down on the couch. She looked at her watch and saw only ten minutes had passed since she'd spoken to Elliot. She pushed herself up off the couch. She was going to go for a walk. It was a beautiful day, and certainly a walk wouldn't be too strenuous.

She went into the bedroom and changed into running shorts and a t-shirt. She grabbed her tennis shoes and laced them up, grabbing her keys and her phone. She opened her wallet and grabbed two $20 bills and tucked them inside of her bra, just in case she needed to stop for something. She headed out the door, anxious to get some fresh air and exercise.

She hadn't been walking for more than five minutes when her phone rang. She saw it was Casey, looking for an update. When Casey found out she was out of the hospital and was out on a walk, they made a plan to meet up at a nearby coffee shop in half an hour. Casey was just leaving court and by the time Olivia walked there, she would be there to meet her.

Olivia was already sitting at a table with her an iced tea when Casey walked in. Casey spotted her right away and made a beeline for the table, bypassing the ordering line. She slid into the chair across from Olivia and grabbed her hand.

"Let me see." She said excitedly, examining the ring on Olivia's hand. "Oh, that's beautiful. He did a good job."

"You sound surprised."

"Well, I guess I am."

"Elliot is actually incredibly romantic."

Casey laughed. "Yeah."

"He is." Olivia said, laughing lightly. "But I understand why you're skeptical. I wouldn't have believed it myself." She said.

"I just don't remember you telling me that when…" Casey shrugged. "Well, when you were together before."

Olivia cocked her head slightly, thinking about what Casey said. "This is different. He's different." She debated how much to share with Casey, but she was the one girlfriend she had in her life. "At first I think he was a little gun-shy. Leery. Which I understood because I'm the one that left. But then somewhere along the line, when we both decided to tell each other how we feel, things shifted. He talks a lot more than he used to."

"You mean we don't get to see that famous Elliot Stabler rage? Because I still see it in the interrogation room and on the street."

Olivia laughed. "Oh, we still argue. And he can still be overbearing and protective…but there's another side of him. I had seen glimpse of it before, but it was like he was afraid to let me see that part of him. And now he's not." She shrugged her shoulders again. "I know I'm not explaining it very well, but I feel like he's trying to talk to me about things, and I am too and…" She smiled. "It's good."

"I'm really happy for you Liv." Casey said smiling. "It took you guys long enough to figure it out, but it really doesn't matter as long as you're here now."

Olivia nodded.

"So, enough serious talk. When's the wedding?"

"I just got engaged and I can barely get used to that. I haven't even thought about a wedding. We're moving into our new place in a few weeks and I have to find a job."

"So you're going to get married after the baby is born?"

"Casey. Honestly. We haven't even talked about it."

"OK. But you're going to let me throw an engagement party for you. And a wedding shower. And we're going to go shopping for a wedding dress…"

"Casey. Stop. I don't want an engagement party. I don't even know that many people. And as for the wedding…Maybe we'll just go down to the courthouse." She said. That seemed like a good idea to her.

Casey furrowed her brow. "You're not serious, are you?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"OK." Said Casey. "We clearly can't talk about this right now because you're not thinking straight. So let's move on. When's the baby due? Because I'm certainly throwing you a baby shower."

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Elliot and Tony finished up with the last of the witnesses. They were back at the station house, and Elliot was climbing into the car when his phone buzzed on the seat next to him. He saw it was Kathy. He took the call right away.

"Hey Kathy."

"Hey."

"Is everything OK?"

"Yes. It's fine. We've had a fun day."

"Sorry, I'm just leaving the precinct now but I'm just going to head out to Queens now." He said, looking at the clock on the car. 5:25PM. "It'll take me an hour to get out there at this time."

"We're eating dinner right now, so that's fine. Or. Well, I have to come into the city tomorrow morning." She said. "So I thought maybe I could just drop Elise off at your apartment. I assume Olivia is home from the hospital?"

"Yes, she is. But you don't have to keep her another night."

"I just figured that it will be almost 8 by the time you pick her up and get back home. She'll be ready to go to bed anyway. Liz is teaching her how to play the piano and they're having fun."

"Kathy, why are you doing this?" Elliot asked softly. He realized how harsh that sounded. "I mean, it's wonderful and we appreciate it. It's just…such a quick change."

"I may not ever be good friends with Olivia, but you should know that I'd never take it out on Elise." She said. "I think it's important for her to know her brothers and sisters."

"I know you wouldn't." Said Elliot. He wasn't sure that was all of it, and sure enough, she kept talking.

"I thought about what you said." She paused. "About my role in what happened between you and Olivia before."

Elliot's ears perked up, surprised that she'd even brought it up.

"I. I'm never going to get over the fact that you left me for her Elliot. You can say what you want about never cheating on me. But the reality is that you fell in love with her while you were married to me. So you can't tell me how to feel about that." She paused again. "But after you left… Well, I realize that things may have turned out differently if I had worked harder to move on and figure out who we were to each other. It would have been better for our kids too. So, I want Elise to know her brother and sisters. So she's here. And she's having fun. So if it's OK with you, and Olivia, I'll bring her home tomorrow."

Elliot was very surprised to hear what she said. She was actually taking a little bit of the responsibility for what happened, which is all that he wanted. He knew most of the blame was his. Olivia must not have felt secure when she saw how his world was being torn apart. And part of the blame was hers as well; her proclivity to run when things got tough. Hopefully, they could all move on now. Including Kathy.

"Thank you." He said. "You don't know how much I appreciate that. I really do."

"Do you want to talk to Elise?" Kathy asked, and Elliot knew they were done with the discussion.

"Sure." He said. "Bye Kath."

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot talked to Elise for just a few minutes. Apparently she and Liz were having a dance party and he was interrupting. As soon as he hung up the phone, he was about to dial Olivia. But he realized he was only a few blocks from home. It would be fun to surprise her. He would make some dinner and they could spend the evening watching a movie or something.

He opened up the door to the apartment as quietly as he could, hoping to catch her off-guard since she wasn't expecting him. But the surprise was his when he realized the apartment was silent and dark.

"Liv?" He walked down the hallway, thinking maybe she was resting, or in the bathroom. When he didn't find her there, he looked in the second bedroom. He walked back into the living room, wondering where the hell she could have gone. She just got out of the hospital. The doctor had told her to take it easy. _Damn it_. He was obviously going to have to explain what those words meant. She knew it was a struggle for her, but he thought she'd at least rest for one damn day.

He pulled his phone from his pocket and hit her number on speed dial. The phone barely rang before she answered.

"Where the hell are you?" he said, trying not to sound as exasperated as he felt.

"Hi Mr. Sensitive." Casey said, laughing.

"Casey?" Elliot said, recognizing her voice. "Sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number. I was trying to reach Olivia."

"No, you dialed the right number. She's in the bathroom and she left her phone at the table. I thought you'd probably call back ten time if someone didn't answer." She teased. His impatience was common knowledge and even though she was teasing him, she knew she was dead on.

"Where are you guys? She's supposed to be home resting." He said.

"Relax. We're just down at the coffee shop. She _is_ resting. She's just doing it with me. And tea."

"But..."

"Hold on. Here she comes." Casey interrupted. She handed the phone to Olivia as she slid into her seat. "It's your fiancé. And it sounds like he had a bad day."

Olivia rolled her eyes and took the phone from Casey. "Hey." She said. "You had a bad day?"

"I didn't have a bad day. I just came home, expecting to see you here. And you weren't." he said pointedly.

Olivia furrowed her brow. "What? I'm supposed to be home waiting for you when you get home from work? You're crabby because dinner's not on the table?" He was pissing her off with his attitude.

"I didn't say that and you know it." He shot back. "I just expected you to be home. You just got out of the hospital."

"There's nothing wrong with me. The doctor said I can resume normal activity with the exceptions I had before. And it's not like I went to the gym. I'm sitting at a coffee shop with Casey."

"Where are you? I'll come get you."

"Are we going to pick up Elise?" she asked.

"No. Kathy said she's coming into the city tomorrow morning so she said she'd drop her off."

"And you just agreed to that without asking me?"

"I thought it would be fine. Rather than driving all the way out to Queens. We wouldn't even get back before she had to go to bed."

"She's my daughter. I would have liked to have some say about that."

"Your daughter."

"You know what I meant." Olivia said. "You know what I meant."

"Fine. I'll come pick you up and we'll go get her." He said. He knew he should have asked her before just agreeing to it.

"No. It's fine. Sounds like you already made the decision." Olivia said. First he's yelling at her because she's not home. Then he just arbitrarily decides Elise can stay at Kathy's. _Asshole._

"Just come home." Elliot said. "So we aren't yelling at each other over the phone." How had this night gone from wanting to surprise her and make her dinner to arguing over the phone?

"Casey and I aren't done talking yet." Olivia said. "I'll be home a little later." She couldn't believe he was pulling this bullshit today. She knew she had pissed him off when she hadn't called him to bring her home from the hospital, and he'd obviously held on to some of that anger and was trying to piss her off.

"Oliva." Elliot said sternly. He was annoyed with her. He knew he was being irrational but he couldn't seem to help himself.

"I'll be home soon." She said and hung up.

"I can see what you meant when you said there was a whole new side of him." Casey said sarcastically.

Olivia shook her head. "Yeah, that wasn't it. I can't believe him sometimes."

"We can go if you need to." Casey said.

"Are you kidding me? No way. I'm not going to run home just because he wants me to."

Casey shook her head. "Some things never change."

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Olivia had convinced Casey to grab a quick dinner. She'd been dressed in a t-shirt and running shorts, so they couldn't go anyplace nice. So they grabbed a sandwich at a local diner. She walked back towards the apartment, and saw it was almost 8. The sun was starting to set, and her ring glittered as it caught a little of it. She thought about Elliot proposing, and couldn't believe it was just two nights ago. She hesitated outside the apartment building, trying to let go of her annoyance with his attitude and his decision about Elise and Kathy. She wasn't in the mood to fight with him tonight. She hoped he had taken the time to cool off as well.

Who was she kidding? He'd had a couple more hours to get riled up.

To his credit, he hadn't called her back. And he hadn't tracked her down by the GPS on her phone. She had honestly half expected him to show up at the diner.

She took the elevator up and then walked down the hall. She put her key in the door, but the door opened before she could even turn the knob. She jumped in surprise, and saw Elliot standing there with his hand on the doorway. She could see the storm in his eyes, and she almost wanted to turn around.

He looked her up and down, taking in her attire. "You OK?" he asked gruffly.

"I'm fine." She said. "I wasn't at the gym. I didn't even go running. I just went for a walk." She wanted him to know that she wasn't going to do anything to harm this baby. "I need you to have some faith in me."

His eyes flicked over her body once again. "I do."

Olivia pulled her bottom lip under her front teeth, trying to gauge his mood. The look in his eyes alternated between anger and concern, and for once, she couldn't read him.

"With everything that's been going on…" he said. "I just panic a little when I don't know where you are. When I walked into the apartment, I just expected you to be here and when you weren't…" he shook his head.

Olivia felt a little bad then. She knew that with the job…they both always expected the worst. And with the recent scare with Manning and then the unexpected trip to the hospital, she knew he probably had a right to worry.

"I wasn't thinking." She said. "I guess I just felt like…" She looked down at the ring on her finger. "I feel like I'm losing even more of my independence." Having Elise and being a single mom had already taken a lot of that. And now she was going to be someone's wife.

"You don't want to get married?" He asked, almost bracing himself for an answer he didn't want to hear.

"I want to get married El. I do. I've wanted a family my whole life and now I have one but…" She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "There's just a lot going on and it just scares me sometimes. It wasn't that long ago that I had complete control over my life and now I feel like I have none."

"I'm not trying to control you." Elliot said, scrubbing one hand over his head.

Olivia cocked her head sideways slightly and raised one eyebrow.

"OK, maybe a little. But I just worry. I don't want anything to happen to you."

She could see the earnestness in his eyes. "I know." She said softly.

"I'll try to do better. Are you still mad at me?" he asked.

"That depends. Are you going to leave me standing in the doorway all night?"

He smiled. "No." He took a step forward and grabbed her forearms, pulling her gently into the wall of his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and placed a kiss on top of her head. He walked a little backwards into the apartment and reached out to push the door closed.

Olivia buried her face into his chest. She was so happy this hadn't erupted into the big argument she knew it could have become.

"I'm sorry I'm such as asshole sometimes." He whispered into her hair.

"Me too." She said, teasing him. "But I love you anyway."


	50. Chapter 50

Elliot closed the door behind them and wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they walked into the living room.

"Do you want something to eat?" he asked. "I waited for you because I wasn't sure…"

"I grabbed a bite with Casey." She said, toeing off her shoes and plopping down on the couch. She curled her legs beneath her and looked up at Elliot. "But go ahead and order something."

Elliot sat down on the other end of the couch and faced her. "Maybe later." His eyes flicked over her body again, taking in her running shorts and t-shirt. And those long, tan legs. "Where did you go to eat dressed like that?"

"We just went to a diner." She furrowed her brow slightly. "You have a problem with what I'm wearing?"

"Nah. I was just asking." He said. He was imagining the men that were looking at her ass and her legs in those shorts; the thought of it never ceased to spark a little jealousy. He knew it was ridiculous, but old habits die hard. Which is exactly why he didn't say anything. "So what did the doctor say today?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

"I already told you. I'm fine. Just the same restrictions as before." Olivia said.

"I wish you would have called me to pick you up." He said.

Olivia sighed heavily. "Are we going to go over all of this again? Do you want to ask me what I was thinking when I agreed to meet Casey too?"

"No, but cripes, you were just released from the hospital today. I would have thought you could have just come home and rested."

"I'm rested! I feel fine. I'm just…" she paused, trying to figure out how she could make him understand how she was feeling. "I'm just…unsettled. Elise and I used to have a routine and now I'm not working and El isn't in school and we have no schedule and people are in and out of here, including you. We aren't settled in our new place. I'm pregnant and adjusting to that. We're engaged and now Casey is asking when we're getting married and I just feel like…I'm not doing any productive. I don't have anything to _do_."

"Did you ever think that for once in your life it's OK to just take it easy?" Elliot asked. He saw the flash in her eyes and he knew that was the wrong thing to say.

Olivia shook her head. "I knew you wouldn't understand." She said. "If you want me to stay home and raise our kids and have dinner ready for you every night…"

Elliot leaned forward and placed his hand on her knee. "That's not what I'm saying." They'd had this discussion before and he had told her that. They weren't yelling now, so that was a good sign, but he didn't want things to escalate. "What I was trying to say is that you've had to hustle your entire life. Even when you were a little girl…you had to take care of yourself. I was just trying to say that it's OK to take a break. To let someone take care of you."

"I'm not saying that I can't take it easy, or let anyone take care of me. What I'm trying to say is that right now, I don't have any sense of accomplishment. Of purpose. I feel like my life is in turmoil and I just need to get things back on track. I want to find a school for Elise so she can settle in and make some new friends. I want to get a job. I want to get settled into our new place so we can just start _living_ without everything in limbo."

Elliot nodded. "Things have been a bit crazy." He admitted. "I didn't realize you were feeling like that. I thought maybe you enjoyed having a break."

"Don't get me wrong. I've enjoyed looking for a new place and getting to spend some time with your kids…getting to know them better. But…" she shook her head again. She knew she probably wasn't making any sense. "Casey asked me when we were getting married and about having a bridal shower and a baby shower and it just made me tired thinking about it. I can't even think about those things right now."

Elliot tried not to read too much into her words. He knew she was just venting. "OK." He said. "Then let's make a plan. Figure out how we can get things moving forward." He stood up and walked into the kitchen.

He walked back in the room and Olivia noticed that he had a pad of paper and a pen in his hands. He sat down again. "OK what's first?"

They spent the next hour making a list. It included everything from finding a school for Elise to spending the next couple of weeks painting their new place so they could get moved in by the end of July. They decided that the first item was finding a school; that would free up some time for them to get some of the other things done and it was important to get Elise back on schedule.

Olivia dropped to pad and pen on the coffee table, having taken over making the list almost the minute Elliot was back in the room. She leaned back against the couch.

"Feeling better now?" Elliot asked.

Olivia pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth and nodded. She released her lip. "Yes. I'm going to start visiting a few schools around our new apartment tomorrow. Just as soon as Kathy drops her off."

"Sounds like a plan." Elliot said.

"I miss her." Olivia said, running her hand through her hair.

"I know. But she's fine. She's having fun."

"I know that. I'm just not used to being away from her."

"I get it. But you have to admit, it's kind of nice to have some peace and quiet." He said.

"True." Olivia pushed herself up from where she was sitting and crawled over closer to Elliot, placing her hands on his shoulders. Elliot spread his legs slightly, making room for her to put one knee in between his and the other outside of his thigh. She settled down in his lap, and gave him a mischievous smile. "Any ideas about what we should do with the rest of our evening?"

Elliot ran his hands down her sides and rested them on the curve of her hips. "Laundry?"

Olivia leaned in and kissed him gently. "I don't think so."

Elliot moved his hands to the top of her thighs, sliding the tips beneath the hem of her shorts. "Cleaning?"

Olivia moved her mouth down to his ear, and bit down lightly on his earlobe. "I don't think so." She whispered. She ground herself against his thigh. "Do you have any other ideas?"

Elliot smoothed his hands beneath her shorts until he felt the silk material of her panties. He let out a small groan as she kissed her way down his neck. "You just got out of the hospital." He said in a husky tone as he removed his hands and slid them around to cup her ass. "You need to rest."

"I'm willing to let you do all the work." She laughed lightly. She ran her hands across his chest as she pressed her lips into his neck.

Elliot removed his hand from her ass, placed them on her shoulders and pushed her away gently. "Seriously Liv."

She laughed as she looked at him. "Yeah, right." She started to lean in again, but Elliot braced her with his arms.

"I'm being serious." He wanted her. He always did. But they'd just had a pretty bad scare and he was a little freaked out. It had been a little over 24 hours ago that he thought they'd lost their baby.

The smile faded from Olivia's face and she furrowed her brow slightly. "What?" She couldn't believe he was turning her down. She started to back away from him, moving off his lap so she could scoot back to the other side of the couch.

Elliot saw the look on her face. "Liv." He reached for her, but she evaded his grasp and grabbed a small pillow, hugging to her body.

"It's fine."

Elliot could tell she was bothered. She was refusing to look at him. He had a fleeting thought that Olivia had probably never had a man tell her no in her life… at least not a sane one. "Don't do that." He said. "You know it's not because I don't want to." He moved a little closer to her. "You _know_ that." He ran a hand down her arm. When he reached her hand, he grasped hers in his. "Hey."

She looked up at him. She could see concern in his face, but she couldn't help the feeling of rejection. The doctor had told her that everything was fine, so why wouldn't he believe her? She didn't need him to treat her with kid gloves. "So what? You're not going to touch me for the next seven months?"

"You know that's never going to happen." He squeezed her hand. "I just don't think it's a good idea tonight."

Olivia pulled her hand from his and pushed herself up from the couch. "Well, you be sure to let me know when it's a good time." She said.

Elliot dropped his head back against the couch. It seemed like neither one had truly gotten rid of their anger and annoyance with each other today. Maybe an argument was inevitable. He grabbed her hand as she walked by. "Liv."

She stopped but didn't look down at him.

"I don't want to fight with you." He said softly.

"I'm going to take a bath." She said, seemingly ignoring his comment.

Elliot dropped her hand, letting out a small sigh. Olivia walked towards the hallway.

"El?"

He looked back towards her and saw her back was still to him, but she had stopped.

"Maybe in a little bit…you could come and wash my back?" The she headed down the hall. She had a hard time handling his rejection, but she knew he was only concerned about her. She just had to have faith that it was temporary, and wouldn't be something they'd have to battle. He hadn't been around her when she was pregnant with Elise, so she had no idea how he would act towards her. And she definitely wasn't going to ask him about his love life with Kathy during her pregnancies.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot knocked gently on the door. Olivia had been in the bathroom for about twenty minutes. He wanted to give her some time, but he also wanted to take her up on her offer. He just hoped he could keep himself under control because a naked, wet Olivia was definitely going to be a challenge in keeping his libido in check.

"Come in."

Elliot opened the door a crack and saw Olivia had the lights off and there were several candles placed around the room. She was lying in the tub, a rolled up towel behind her neck. The room was warm and steamy, and the tub was full of bubbles. He was somewhat thankful for that.

"I didn't think you were going to join me." She said, giving him a big smile.

He was happy to see that she didn't appear to be upset with him anymore. "The offer wasn't to join you. The offer was to wash your back." He took a few steps closer to the tub.

"It's easier to wash my back if you join me." She said. She sat up slightly. "There's room for you right behind me."

Elliot could see the swell of her breasts above the water and felt his dick twitch slightly. He was still a little worked up from her grinding against him on the couch. He looked up into her eyes, trying to think about anything but her naked body beneath the water.

"I think I'll stay out here." He said, kneeling down by the tub.

"You afraid of me?" she asked, raising one eyebrow.

Elliot smiled. "Yes." He saw the mischievous smile on her face. He knew that look and knew he was right to be wary. "I think you're trying to seduce me." He said in a teasing tone. He dipped his fingers in the water, making small ripples.

She adopted an innocent look. "Never."

Elliot flicked some water at her. "Nice try. But I'm not buying that innocent act."

She shrugged. "If you don't think you can handle being in the tub with me…"

Elliot wanted to laugh at her change in tactics. Their friends and colleagues would never believe the seductress this woman could be. "I can handle you."

"Then get your clothes off and get in the tub." She said, scooting forward.

Elliot stood up and pulled his t-shirt over his head. His jeans were next and he kicked them off. He stood with his hands on the waistband of his boxer briefs and watched as her eyes raked up and down his body. "Maybe I should keep these on. You know, for safety." He teased.

"I thought you weren't afraid of me."

"No, I think I said I was." He laughed.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Get in here." She looked away and grabbed the body wash and the spongy loofah.

Elliot dropped his shorts and took a few steps until he reached the tub. He stepped in and settled in behind her.

"Jeez. This water is hot." He said.

"Stop being such a baby." She moved back slightly, fitting her ass firmly against him.

"Gentle." Elliot said, pushing her away slightly. "I can't wash your back when you're that close." In reality, he wasn't going to be able to handle her pressed against him. It was taking all of his concentration to keep himself from reacting. He poured some of the body wash onto the sponge and ran it across her shoulders, watching the water run down her back. He took his time, gently working small circles on her skin.

Olivia dropped her head forward and moaned lightly and Elliot cursed silently under his breath. That small sound went right to his groin; his body knew her…knew the sounds she made and as usual, started reacting to her.

Olivia wiggled in place slightly and he narrowed his eyes, knowing she had done it on purpose.

"Sit still." He said, a small growl in his voice.

She lifted her head and looked back at him. "You OK back there?"

"You proud of yourself?" He asked, seeing the smirk on her face. "I'm not falling for it Benson."

"Falling for what?" she asked, practically batting her eyelashes at him. "That just feels sooo gooood." Her last few words were almost a moan themselves and she smiled again as she turned away from him again. "Keep going." She bit back a smile as she heard him whisper something about her being worse than the devil himself.

Elliot returned to the task at hand. When he was finished soaping and rinsing her back and arms, he dropped the sponge and slid his hands up her back until he reached her shoulders. He started massaging them and Olivia let another moan escape. This time, she dropped her head back slightly. After a few minutes, Elliot trailed his hands back down her arms and Olivia leaned back into his chest.

Elliot slid his hands around to her stomach, resting them there. Olivia lay her head back on his shoulder. "You can wash my stomach if you want." She said.

Elliot laughed. "I just signed up for the back. Stomach will cost you extra."

"I can pay." She said, closing her eyes.

Elliot reached down into the soapy water and fond the sponge next to his outstretched leg. He used his other hand and poured the soapy liquid onto the sponge with one arm on either side of Olivia. He smoothed the soap over her stomach, but couldn't keep his eyes off her breasts; her nipples peaked with obvious arousal. She let out a small moan as he continued his ministrations.

Her skin was wet…slick with soap. He dropped the sponge and massaged the skin on her stomach with his bare hands. He felt his desire for her spreading through him, and before he could even stop himself, he moved his hands up, taking the weight of her breasts into his hands. He ran his thumbs across her nipples and she jerked at his touch, her hips lifting up slightly.

"El." She moaned.

He felt himself getting hard; his erection pressed against her ass as he pulled her tight against him. He leaned in and kissed the top of her ear, letting out a small moan of his own. He'd been silly to think he could ever control himself around her.

He continued to massage her breasts and she dug her fingers into the muscle of his thighs.

Olivia loved the feeling of his hands on her breasts; they were so sensitive now with her pregnancy, she thought she could probably come from this alone. But she could feel the ache between her legs, and she wanted his hands there…his thick fingers teasing her.

"Elliot." She rasped, lifting her hips again as she dug her fingers into his thighs.

Elliot knew what she wanted. He could tell how worked up she was. "Tell me what you want." He whispered into her ear. He pinched her nipples lightly and she moaned. "You like that?" He pinched her left nipple again, tweaking it slightly as he slid his right hand down across her abdomen.

"Yes." She whispered, encouraging his hand lower. He flattened his palm against her lower abdomen and she cursed him under her breath. She lifted her right hand from this thigh and put it on top of his, pushing it down between her legs.

"Patience." Elliot said with a small chuckle.

Olivia didn't have any, especially right now. She hated how he liked to tease her…dragging out the torture until she thought she'd scream from anticipation sometimes.

"Bastard." She mumbled. She lifted her hand from his and slide it down between her legs. If he wasn't going to give her any relief then she'd take care of it herself. Elliot snatched her hand away.

"Oh no you don't." He replaced her hand with his, slipping easily through her folds. "God, you're wet."

Olivia moaned as he slid his fingers down to tease her entrance and she lifted her hips again; she wanted those fingers inside of her. Instead, Elliot slid his fingers back to her clit, and she pushed against his hand again.

"Let's get out of the tub." She moaned. She wanted to be spread out beneath him. She wanted him buried deep inside of her.

"That's not happening." He said. He'd meant what he said earlier. He wasn't going to make love to her. Despite what she said, he didn't feel comfortable with that yet. But that didn't mean he couldn't relieve her ache. "Just relax." He said. "We're not going anywhere."

She started to object but he was still teasing her clit and she started to feel a fire in her lower belly. Her legs were starting to tremble and Elliot pulled on her nipple again. He listened to her moans…almost one long continuous string, and he knew she was getting close. He adjusted slightly as he dragged his fingers down, penetrating her slightly.

"Yes." She moaned. He slipped his left hand from her breast and slid it down to her clit. She was pressing back against his chest, anxious to get his fingers deeper inside of her. He shifted, accommodating her by slipping his fingers in deeper. He added a second finger to the first and started a slow rhythm. She was starting to writhe beneath him as he slid his fingers in and out while his other hand continued to work her sensitive nub.

"Let go…" he whispered into her ear, and it was as if she was waiting for his permission. He felt her orgasm tear through her body and she let out a soft swear word as her entire body clenched.

Olivia dug her nails into his skin as she gripped her thighs together, trapping his hands between her legs. She heard Elliot whispering into her ear but what he was saying wasn't registering as the sensations ripped through her body. Her head lolled against his shoulder and she let out one last moan.

Elliot pried her legs apart slightly, pulling his fingers from inside of her body and sliding both hands back up to her stomach. "Feeling better now?" he asked.

"Mmm." She relaxed against him, feeling loose-limbed and sated. "Yes." She whispered. She shifted slightly, and was reminded of his arousal, now pressed firmly against her. She reached back and wrapped her arms around his neck, turning her head to pull him into an awkward kiss. "Take me to bed and we can take care of that." She said, pressing back against his erection again.

Elliot slid his hands down her sides and landed on her hips. He pushed her hips forward slightly so she wasn't in contact with him any longer. He placed a kiss on her forehead. "Don't worry about me."

Olivia started to object.

"Shhh." Elliot said, wrapping his arms around her. "Let's get out of the tub. The water's getting cold."

"El."

"Just get out Liv. Before we freeze." He could see the goosebumps on her skin.

She wasn't cold but she stood up and stepped out of the tub, grabbing a towel off the rack. Elliot stood up right behind her and grabbed the edges of the towel, wrapping it around her as he placed gentle kisses on her shoulder.

"I love you." He said.

Olivia turned to face him as he dripped water on the floor. She opened up her towel and stepped into him, pressing herself against him and wrapping the sides of the towel around him as well. His erection was pressed into her lower abdomen and she felt another rush of desire course through her.

She let go of the towel and slid her hands up his back. He pressed her mouth against his and he opened his mouth to her…hungry for her. He slid his hands down her sides until he was cupping her ass, and he lifted her up. Olivia let out a sound of surprise, but wrapped her legs around him, trapping him intimately against her. She slid her arms around his neck and kissed him hard, slipping her tongue between his lips. She devoured his mouth, cupping his face with her hands.

She ripped her mouth from his. "Make love to me." She said breathlessly, her lips ghosting over his. She wrapped her legs more tightly around him, eliciting a groan from him.

His resolve broke then.

He could never deny her.


	51. Chapter 51

Olivia woke to the sound of a phone ringing. She heard Elliot groan as he rolled over to snatch if off the nightstand.

"Stabler." He grunted into the phone.

Olivia listened to the one-side conversation, and she'd been a cop long enough to know what a late night call sounded like. She looked at the clock and saw it was a little after 2AM. Elliot mentioned the ME, so Olivia knew instantaneously that the victim was dead.

Elliot hung up the phone and rolled over, trailing his fingers down her bare back. She lay with her arms folded beneath her head, watching as he closed his eyes again. He settled his hand on her lower back, rubbing his thumb lightly against the skin there.

She almost thought he'd fallen back asleep when she heard him speak.

"You OK?"

"Yeah." She said quietly. "I'm fine." She knew what he was asking. But she didn't honestly know why he was worried. He couldn't have been more gentle with her last night; almost so much so that she'd had to bite her lip from commanding him to drive into her harder…faster. She knew he hadn't been completely on board. That she'd worn him down. And that if she pushed him, he'd back off and she'd be laying there unsatisfied and a little pissed off.

"I hope so."

Olivia didn't say anything; she just let out a small sigh. She didn't know how much more often she could reassure him. She decided to change the topic. "Tony picking you up?"

Elliot flipped over on his back with a grunt. "I'm meeting him at the crime scene."

Olivia reached out and ran her palm down his chest. "Is it bad?"

Elliot continued to stare at the ceiling. "It always is."

Olivia couldn't help but notice the bitterness in his tone. She remembered the conversation they'd had about him quitting SVU. "Still thinking about moving on?"

His head pivoted to look at her. He wanted to ask her if she was trying to make a vacancy so she could rejoin. But he knew that discussion wasn't the type to be held in the middle of the night, especially when one person had to be heading out the door in ten minutes. He bit back the words. "I don't know." He pushed himself up into a sitting position and swung his legs off the bed, forcing Olivia to drop her hand. He sat on the edge of the bed for a minute and looked down at the floor. "I'm tired."

Olivia knew he wasn't just talking about the fact that he'd only had three hours of sleep. The job wore you down. The countless victims…the families torn apart…the never-ending parade of suspects…the worst of the worst. He'd lasted longer than most. Then maybe anyone should.

Olivia sat up and put her hand on his back. "Let's make sure we talk about it, OK?" She wanted him to know that she was there to support him, no matter what he decided to do. And she didn't want to avoid talking about it anymore. She felt like now that they were evaluating all of their decisions and making a plan to march forward, that they should add his career to the list as well. If they didn't talk about it, time would march on with no discussion, and no real decision would be made.

"Yeah." He said, without enthusiasm. He knew any discussion about careers was going to include hers. But he also knew she was right. He couldn't avoid making a decision. The job was wearing him down.

He jumped in the shower quickly, and by the time he had shaved and gotten dressed, he saw Olivia was already asleep. He covered up her naked form and kissed her gently. "Love you." He whispered before he snuck out quietly into the night.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia was having some tea at the kitchen counter. She kept checking the time; watching the minutes tick by at an impossibly slow rate until Elise was supposed to be home. She was anxious to see her little girl, but she wasn't looking forward to seeing Kathy. Sure, they'd been civil on the phone, but it would certainly be more awkward to see her in person.

She took another sip of her tea, and just as she set down her cup, the buzzer went off. She climbed off the stool and went to the intercom.

"Hello?" Even though she knew who it was, she'd been a cop far too long to just buzz people into the building.

"It's me, Mommy!"

Olivia smiled when she heard Elise's voice. There was excitement in her tone, and it appeased her fears that Elise wouldn't want to leave all the fun at Kathy's. She hit but buzzer, and opened the door so she could see them coming down the hall.

She was surprised when she heard voices trudging up the stairs, and saw Elise and Elizabeth turn the corner. Elise dropped her bag and ran full speed down the hall. Olivia walked towards her, fearing she would fall because she was running so fast.

She was about to scoop her up when she remembered that she couldn't lift her. So she squatted down with her arms outstretched, but wasn't set enough to keep Elise from knocking her to the ground. She wrapped her arms around her as they hit the ground laughing. She placed kissed on her forehead, realizing she had missed her more than she thought.

"I'm so glad your home!" she said. Hugging her tightly. They both clambered up and Elizabeth picked up Elise's bag before Olivia could grab it and walked into the apartment. Elise and Olivia followed, Elise's small hand in Olivia's as they walked.

"I had so much fun at Aunt Kathy's house." Elise prattled on.

Olivia didn't hear anything after she heard the words Aunt Kathy. Elizabeth must have seen her expression because she offered an explanation almost immediately.

"Elise just started calling her that and we corrected her a few times, but she didn't stop and we didn't want to make a big deal out of it."

Olivia shook her head. "No. It's OK." Honestly, she really didn't like it, but she knew she couldn't make such a big deal out of it. Elise didn't have any real extended relatives; her life was already cobbled together with Don being her Papa and Fin and Munch already deemed Uncles. "So, speaking of…"

"She's downstairs." Liz said, answering the question before she could even finish asking it. "She thought it might be…easier…If I brought Elise up."

Olivia could tell she had chosen the word carefully, and she was glad that Kathy was still feeling awkward too. It made her feel like less of a bitch.

"In fact." Liz started. "I was kind of hoping I could hang out with you guys for a while. I rode in with Mom but she has an appointment and I really don't want to go with her and she said she could pick me up mid-afternoon."

She was running on, almost as if she didn't want to give Olivia a chance to say no. Olivia put a hand on her shoulder. "Liz, it's fine. You can hang out with us." She really had wanted to see Elise, but she really didn't mind of Liz was there. "Elise and I are going to look at some schools, so if you don't mind tagging along…." She swept her hand around the apartment. "Or you can always stay here too."

Elizabeth looked confused. "School? Isn't she like, 4?"

"Preschool. Daycare. Whatever you want to call it." Olivia clarified. "We just need to find a spot for her, get her back into a routine, and give me some time to find a job." She grabbed the list she and Elliot had made off the coffee table. "It's the first thing on my list of things to get done." She looked over at Elise, who was introducing her new Ariel doll to her other dolls. "We've been goofing around too long." She took a few steps towards her daughter. "Elise, want to go look at some new schools with me and Liz?"

"No." Elise said, never looking up from her dolls.

"Come on. It will be fun." Olivia said, in a tone that said she would be missing out on a lot of fun if she didn't come along.

Elise looked up at her mother. "I thought Liz is almost growed up. Why does she need a school?"

Olivia covered her mouth, not wanting to laugh at her daughter. "No silly. The school is for you."

Elise pressed her lips together, and Olivia could see the beginning of a pout. "Will Clare be at my new school?"

Olivia sighed inwardly. Elise had obviously forgotten their conversation about a new school and new friends. She sat down on the floor next to Elise and pulled her onto her lap. "No honey. Remember we talked about going to a new school and making new friends."

"I don't want to make new friends." She pouted.

"Of course you do!" Olivia prompted, trying to sound overly cheerful. "It's good to have lots of different friends. Old ones and new ones." She hoped she sounded convincing, since she didn't follow her own advice. She had very few close friends, having shut most people out from really knowing her most of her life.

"I don't want any new friends and I don't want any stinky new school." She said. She slid off Olivia's lap and kicked a pile of stuffed animals.

Olivia looked over at Liz, wondering if Elise had broken into one of her infamous temper tantrums at Kathy's. She saw a small smile on Liz's face, and was glad to see she wasn't as shocked as she thought she'd be at seeing her temper.

"Looks like she's got a little of Dad's temper."

Olivia smiled. "Yeah."

Liz squatted down and put her hands on Elise's little hips. "Hey squirt. What're so upset about? If you didn't want to make any new friends, then you wouldn't have met Mo or Katie or me."

Elise didn't let go of the pout. "You're not friends. You're sisters."

Olivia could see that Liz was trying to help, but she thought that maybe she was underestimating her newest sibling. Elise was only four, but she was smart and not easy to fool.

"Well, we may be sisters, but I still think we're friends. We do lots of fun stuff together, don't we?" Elizabeth asked.

Olivia saw Elise considering what she said, and she smiled. Maybe Liz knew what she was doing. She saw Elise nod.

"And didn't you make a new friend at the park?"

"Lucy." Olivia offered.

"Yeah, she's got pretty yellow hair and a dog named George that I get to meet one day." Elise said, nodding her head.

"See?" Liz said. "You've made lots of new friends. So why don't we go look at the new school and you can make some more friends." Liz looked back at Olivia. "And I bet you'll still get to see your old friends sometimes too."

Elise looked up at Olivia. "Absolutely." Oliva confirmed.

"OK." Said Elise.

Olivia mouthed a silent thank you to Elizabeth, and they got ready and headed out.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot didn't make it home until almost midnight, but he found Olivia waiting up for him. She had a blanket across her lap and a book in her hand when he opened the door.

"Hey." He said quietly.

"Hey yourself." She said, giving him a big smile. She started to get up, but he motioned for her to stay put. He walked in and leaned over, giving her a soft kiss on the lips. He straightened up and shrugged off his suitcoat and fell into the chair facing her.

"Long day?" she asked. She could see the weariness etched in his face.

He just nodded.

"Tell me." Olivia prodded. She knew he needed to get it off his chest; all the pain and misery he had experienced today. Being able to talk to each other about what they saw day in and day out had been a lifesaver when they were partners.

"You don't need to hear it." He said, swiping one hand over his face.

"El." Olivia said, placing the book down on the coffee table. "Stop treating me like I'm a civilian." _Like Kathy._ "It'll make you feel better to talk about it."

Elliot looked over at her. Truth was, he did want to talk about it. But she wasn't part of that world anymore. He didn't want to bring all that ugliness back into her life.

"When I was in Connecticut, I wasn't helping elderly people buy groceries. I was working with rape victims every day. It's not like all of that's behind me."

Elliot gave her a slight nod. He hadn't thought about the work she'd been doing while she was…gone. "Sixteen-year-old. Runaway. Working the streets. She was trying to get out."

"But her pimp didn't like that."

"Nope." Elliot said, letting out a deep sigh. There were just so many. Too many. "Beat her to death."

Olivia shook her head. She knew there was nothing she could say. No platitudes were going to help. He just needed to get it out of his system.

"She was pregnant. Melinda says about ten weeks." Elliot scrubbed his hand over his face.

The parallel wasn't lost on Olivia. Elliot always had a hard time with children…teenagers. In any case where he could draw lines between them and his own life. Every teenage girl could be one of his daughters. Every young boy…his son.

Olivia stood up and walked over to where Elliot was sitting. She placed her hands on his shoulders. "I'm sorry." She said.

Elliot understood her words. He knew she was apologizing for all the fucked up things they had to see day in and day out.

"You'll get him." She said, massaging the muscles in his shoulders.

He placed his hands on her hips and looked up at her. "That's what I'm afraid of." He said.

Olivia furrowed her brow. She didn't understand what he was saying.

Elliot pulled her down on to his lap, forcing her to swing her legs off one side of the chair. He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. "If I catch him…I'm afraid of what I'm going to do."

His words sent a chill through Olivia. They had both made comments about knocking off some of the sick son-of-a-bitches they'd come across. Probably everyone in their squad had. But she heard the raw emotion in Elliot's voice and it scared her a little. She had seen Elliot's rage on full display…in an interrogation room…on the street. There had been people around to keep him in check…walk him off the ledge. She had never really believed he would hurt someone. Or kill them in cold blood. But right now, he seemed like a man on the edge.

Elliot gripped her tightly and she felt his chest heaving. She wondered briefly if he was crying, but she didn't think so. She wanted to say something. She wanted to ask him what he was thinking. Right now. Her mind raced back to what had happened with Manning; her initial fear that he had done something she didn't want to think about.

She could tell he was struggling with something. His grip was tight around her body and she felt like she was suffocating against the wall of his chest. She was trying to stay still, but she needed to breathe. She pushed a hand against his chest lightly, but firmly.

"Elliot."

It was like she had shocked him back into the present, and he released her suddenly, almost making her fall off his lap. He caught her and she looked up at him. She saw bewilderment in his eyes.

"You're scaring me." She said. She hadn't meant to say it, but it came slipping out before she could stop it.

"What?" He seemed confused for a second and Olivia wondered if she had overreacted to his words and his actions.

"What do you mean you don't know what you'll do?" she asked.

Elliot shook his head. "I'm…" He shook his head again. "I'm just blowing off steam." He said. "You said you wanted me to tell you what I was thinking…"

Olivia nodded. "I do." She took his face in her hands. "I want you to talk to me." She hadn't meant to discourage him. She didn't want him to stop talking now.

"I just can't stop thinking about that girl's parents. How did she end up beaten to death in some alley?"

Olivia caressed his cheek. They both knew the most likely answer was that he home life had been the very thing that drove her into the streets in the first place.

"Let's talk about something else." He said. Nothing would come of talking about it any longer.

Olivia was about to argue with him, but she saw he was done. "I think I found a new school for Elise today."

Elliot brightened a little. "Yeah?"

"We went to three different places, but this was the one that her friend Lucy goes to."

"No wonder Elise liked it." He said, breaking into a small smile.

"Lucy wasn't there and she doesn't even know that's her school." Olivia dropped her hand to his. "Liz and I just got a good vibe when we walked in."

"Liz is here?" he asked. He had known Elise would be asleep at this late hour, but Liz might still be up.

"No. She went back home with Kathy." Olivia explained the events of the day, bringing him up to speed. "The best part is that it's only about 8 blocks from our apartment."

"Sounds good."

"So do you want to go check it out?"

"I trust your judgment."

Olivia wasn't sure if she should feel good that he just let her pick out Elise's new school, or if he should be annoyed that he had no interest in going to visit prior to enrolling her.

Elliot could see the wheels turning in her head. "It's not that I don't care about it. But you're her mother. I trust your instincts. You picked a good school for her before. I have faith you can pick one now. But if you really want me to check it out, I will."

"No. That's fine. I'll go back and enroll her tomorrow." She said. "We may have to do something different when the baby comes…but we can work that out later."

Elliot nodded. "One item checked off the list. Forty-two to go." He teased.

"Funny." Olivia said. The list wasn't really that long, but she was glad to see him teasing her.

He adjusted slightly, juggling her on his lap. "So…tomorrow is the 4th. Do you want to bring Elise down and we'll watch fireworks from the precinct roof?"

Olivia smiled, recalling several July 4th holidays where they were stuck working late. They would steal a few minutes when it got dark and go to the roof and watch fireworks. From that vantage point, you could see several fireworks shows. A display of bright lights all around.

"That sounds great. Elise will love it."

"Cragen's going to be there for sure. Munch and Fin said they'd stay if you guys were going to come up."

"Sounds wonderful." Olivia said. She really missed seeing those guys more often. She snuggled back into Elliot's chest. Now that he was more relaxed, she loved how he wrapped his arms around her.

He placed a kiss in her hair. "Let's go to bed." To her surprise, he hoisted himself up out of the chair, adjusting Olivia in his arms.

"Put me down." She said insistently. "I'm too heavy."

Elliot rolled his eyes. "Have you forgotten my big muscles?" he teased.

She squeezed his bicep. "These puny things?"

"Careful or I'll drop you on the floor." He pretended to drop her, and stumbled slightly, actually struggling not to. He recovered and pulled her back towards his chest.

"See, I told you I was too heavy."

"There's never going to be a day when I can't carry you. Especially when we're heading to the bedroom."

Olivia raised a brow and gave him a big smile. "Ah, here I thought maybe you were too tired."

Elliot shook his head. "You have a one track mind." He grinned at her.

"And you don't?" she asked. "Besides. I can't help it. Hormones."

"So you're telling me that if you weren't pregnant right now, you wouldn't be interested?" He turned slightly to get through the bedroom door.

He lay Olivia down on the bed and she gave him a mischievous smile. "I'm always interested." She pushed herself back on the bed, pulling the covers back. She hadn't been joking about all of the hormones making her horny, but she didn't want to tease him. She knew he'd been up almost twenty-four hours.

She slid her legs under the covers and watched as he pulled his shirt off. His dress pants came next and she sighed, closing her eyes. The man had no right to look that good, and she was trying to keep her lascivious thoughts at bay. She felt the bed bow beneath his weight as he climbed into bed and she opened her eyes.

When he had settled on his back, she moved over and snuggled in to his body, splaying her hand across his chest and sliding it down over his abdomen. He trapped her hand under his. "I need some sleep woman." He intertwined his fingers with hers. He pulled her to his body with his other arm and planted a kiss on her forehead. "Just give me a couple of hours. I'll be good as new."

"I wasn't doing anything." She said.

"Yeah. Night Liv."

"Good night." She relaxed into him and it was only minutes before he was snoring next to her.

EOEOEOEOEO

The next few days flew by.

The school Elise was going to attend was closed for the 4th of July, so they'd spent a few hours at the new apartment, making a list of the things that needed to be done before they moved in. Elise had very vehemently repeated that her room had to be yellow, and she drew a picture so that no one would forget her request. They ended up at the precinct at dark and had a great time watching fireworks. Elliot ended up carrying a sleeping Elise to the car, and they'd made it into the apartment without waking her.

The next day was Saturday, and they went and picked up the paint they needed, and while Elliot enlisted the help of Dick and the girls to help with the painting, she was relegated to doing some shopping with Casey. She wanted to help, but she knew the paint fumes weren't good for the baby, so she picked up odds and ends they needed for the new place, while Elise settled into a new routine at her school.

Everyone was tired after a couple of days of painting but they got most of it done. Olivia was feeling the best she'd felt in a long time. She was still feeling nauseous, and most food turned her stomach, but she felt like they were actually accomplishing something, and she was really looking forward to moving. With the way things were going, Elliot thought they might be able to move in within a week.

The subject of work hadn't come up again, and she was wondering about him going back to work on Monday. She hadn't asked him about the case he'd been working and she left it alone. He seemed to be energized; the work he was doing at the apartment was a good distraction for him. He liked doing physical things. It was a different kind of exhaustion at the end of the day. He fell into bed and slept hard. She decided she would see how he was at the end of the day Monday.

They had already agreed that Olivia was going to spend some time over at the new place this week, unpacking boxes he had already over. They had things lined up to move on Saturday, and after they got settled, she was going to look for a job.

It was Sunday night and Elliot watched as Olivia changed for bed. He furrowed his brow slightly, because he swore she had lost weight. He knew she'd been suffering from nausea, and he wondered if she was actually eating. Things had been so crazy lately, everyone had been grabbing a bite when they could.

He got out of bed and walked up behind her, resting his hands on her hips as he stared into the mirror over the bureau. He ran his hands over her stomach, and rested his chin on her shoulder. He slid his hands up to her ribs, and he could definitely tell she was thinner.

"You eating?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant about it.

Her eyes met his in the mirror. "Yes, I'm eating."

"Seems like you're losing weight." He slid a hand back down to the waistband of her pajama shorts. He slid his hand beneath the fabric and rested it on her lower abdomen.

She put her hand over his, over the fabric. "I doubt it." She said. Truthfully, she knew she had lost a few pounds. She could barely keep any food down and her diet was limited to crackers and water. When they sat down for dinner, she'd been pushing her food around her plate. Elliot honestly hadn't noticed. She had a doctor's appointment in a few days, so she wasn't worried about it. She hoped things would get better in the next few weeks.

"When's your next doctor's appointment?" he asked.

"In a few days." She shrugged her shoulders, forcing him to move his chin from her shoulder. "Can we go to bed now?"

Elliot pulled his hand from her stomach. "I want to go with you." He said. He knew she'd lost weight and was being purposefully evasive, but he wasn't going to push her right now. He'd get to the bottom of it when they went to the doctors.

She looked back up at him, seeing the conviction in his eyes. "That's fine." She wasn't hiding anything from him, but she felt like his question was some kind of accusation. Like she wasn't taking care of herself. Again.

Elliot stared at her a second. "OK." He felt tension coming off her, but he didn't know what to say to make things better.

She pulled away from him and climbed into bed. He turned and watched as she pulled the covers up and closed her eyes.

He climbed onto the bed and crawled over he was caging her body. She opened her eyes and looked at him.

"You mad at me?" he asked.

"No." she said.

He settled himself down on his forearms, gauging her reaction. When she didn't push him away, he went on. "You're not a very good liar."

"I'm not mad." She relaxed, seeing what a playful mood he was in. "Really."

"Good. Because I can't stand it when you're mad at me. And I don't like it when you sleep on the other side of the bed."

"When has that ever happened?"

"It's happened."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Must have been some other girlfriend."

"Yeah, you're probably right." He teased back, rolling off her and onto his back next to her.

Olivia rolled over on her side and propped her arm so she could rest her head on her hand. "You'd better be joking Stabler."

Elliot grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. "You wear me out sometimes." He said, laughing. "You know you're the only one for me. For as long as I can remember." He kissed her. "Now go to sleep."


	52. Chapter 52

_Hi readers! Thanks for all of the reviews. I really love hearing from everyone. Please cut me a little slack on this chapter. I'm not sure of what all the policies of the NYPD are, so I may take some liberties. Thanks again! I'm trying to update as quickly as possible!_

EOEOEOEOEO

It was a mad rush, but Olivia worked hard to get everything she could unpacked in the new apartment prior to the big move. She had broken down and stacked so many boxes and carried them to the recycling bin at the complex that she thought she'd probably walked 30 miles over the course of the past few days.

It was Saturday morning and she was waiting for Elliot to show up with the truck. He had offered to pay Dick and a few of his friends with a mix of cash and pizza, and she hoped it was enough to get them out of bed early enough to actually be able to help. Elise was sitting in her room with the pile of toys, books and stuffed animals that had already made the trip, trying to decide where they would go. Olivia had purchased some new toy bins and a new bookshelf and had offered to help Elise get organized. Elise had flatly refused, reminding her mother that this was _her_ room and that she got to decide where things went. Olivia knew that she should probably remind her strong-willed daughter that the apartment belonged to her mother and father but she honestly had enough to do, so she let it slide.

Olivia looked around the apartment and smiled. She was really happy with the work that Elliot had done. The fresh paint on the walls looked great, and gave it the feeling of being new. He had also cleaned out the fireplace and cleaned up the bricks around it, and she could picture them snuggled in front of the fire on a cold winter day.

She walked down the hall, and entered the small room that was going to be the nursery. Elliot had painted the walls a soft gray color, and she was anxious to get the room decorated for the baby. Setting up the nursery had been one of her favorite things when she was pregnant with Elise, and she was happy that this time, Elliot would be here with her. She rested her hand on her stomach, and even though she didn't even have a baby bump yet, she imagined the small life inside of her. She had found an old rocker at an estate sale and had refinished it, and it was one of the few pieces of furniture she hadn't left at the house in Connecticut. She was going to rock this new baby to sleep in it, just as she had Elise.

She heard the front door bang open and it was such a stark contrast to the quiet moment she'd been having that she let out a loud gasp.

"Anyone home?" she heard someone yell, and she could tell it was Dick.

She hurried down the hall towards the living room, and arrived just in time to see Dick and a friend hauling boxes into the room, practically stumbling in their haste.

"Slow down." She said.

"OK if we just dump everything in here?" he asked.

"No! Everything is labeled." Olivia said. "Please put it in the right room so I don't have to move all these boxes again." She spent a lot of time organizing as they packed, since she couldn't be hauling boxes around on her own. At least if they ended up in the right room, she could just unpack them.

Dick looked at the box. "Elise's room." He said. He looked up at Olivia, but before he could ask, she told him it was the first door on the right. They took off down the hall, and Olivia heard Elise protest as they barged into her room. But she didn't have time to interfere as a couple more guys came in, quickly followed by Elliot and another kid carrying a living room chair.

Olivia spent the next hour directing traffic, as load after load came into the apartment. She was starting to wonder if they'd have enough room for everything, when another face popped into the doorway.

"Is it safe to come in?"

She smiled when she saw Fin standing there and she ushered him in.

"I think you missed most of the work." She said.

"Good. Then I'm right on time." He said, sauntering into the apartment.

"Elliot didn't tell me that you were stopping by today." She said, giving him a big smile. Next to Elliot, she missed Fin the most.

"Yeah, well I was…what d'ya call it? Non-committal." He said with a smirk. "Never know what's going to come up."

"What's her name?" Olivia teased, but as usual Fin was a perfect poker face. He just shrugged and looked around the place.

"Looks good Liv." He said. "Definitely a step up from Stabler's place."

"Well, technically, this is still half Elliot's." she said, laughing.

"Don't remind me."

Olivia rolled her eyes. She always enjoyed this game with Fin.

"So where's the little Liv?" he asked.

"Little Liv?" Olivia asked. "I haven't heard that before."

"That girl's the spittin' image of her Mama." Fin said. "I'm glad she doesn't look like Stabler."

Olivia wanted to roll her eyes again, but she just shook her head. "You make me laugh. I miss that." She said. She nodded down the hall. "First door on the right."

"I'm gonna check this place out." He said as he started walking down the hall. "See what kind of digs Stabler got going for my girl here."

Fin had never been demonstrative towards her, or anyone else she'd seen for that matter, but she knew that he loved her, and she felt the same about him. It's what made her think of these guys as her family.

"Let me know if it passes inspection." She teased. Her attention was refocused as Elliot came in with her rocking chair. He set it down in the living room and fell into the nearest chair.

"That damn thing is heavy." He said.

Olivia laughed. "Are you becoming an old man? What happened to those big muscles?" She leaned over to squeeze his bicep, and he grabbed her around her waist and pulled her into his lap.

"Old man? Those are fighting words." He threaded one hand through her hair and pulled her in for a kiss. She pushed against him laughing, but ultimately gave in, pressing her hands lightly against his chest as she kissed him.

"Aw man. I don't need to see that shit."

Olivia pulled back from the kiss and laughed, but Elliot kept his hands on her hips and peered around her. "When did you get here?" Elliot asked as he saw Fin walking back into the living room.

"Just a few minutes ago." He sat down on the couch. "Seriously man." He motioned towards them. "You do that with all these kids around?"

Olivia rolled her eyes and climbed off Elliot's lap. "We weren't _doing_ anything." She said with a smirk.

Elliot slapped her lightly on the ass as she moved away from him. "But we could if you left." He joked.

Olivia shot him a look over her shoulder and then turned back to Fin. She saw the look on his face and she laughed again. Elliot knew how to push his buttons. "Ignore him." She said. "I'm glad you're here."

At that particular moment, Dick and one of his friends struggled through the hall with a coffee table, and Elliot pushed himself up to help them.

Olivia looked around. "How much more is down there? It can't be much."

Dick set down his end of the coffee table. "I think if everyone takes one more load, the truck will be empty." He said. "When's the pizza coming?" he asked, looking at Olivia. "We're starving."

Olivia looked at her watch. "Should be here any minute."

"No pizza until the truck is empty." Elliot said, nodding towards the door and Olivia laughed as the boys hustled out the door.

Ten minutes later, the truck was empty and five hungry boys were settled around the table, wolfing down three large pizzas. Olivia had situated at the coffee table, and the adults all got settled on the furniture around her.

Olivia grabbed a slice of pizza and was about to take a bite when they heard a knock on the door. She dropped the pizza and got up to get the door, when it swung open. She she saw Cragen and Munch let themselves in. She smiled as she reached them, trying to think if she'd ever seen either one of them in such casual clothing. She noticed Cragen had a plant in the crook of his arm, and he looked a little uncomfortable as he handed it to her.

"I didn't know what to get you." He said. He gave her another awkward smile and she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I love it." She said.

Elise jumped up and rushed over, grabbing Cragen around the legs and then jumping up and down, trying to get attention. She grabbed his hand, clamoring for him to come with her to see her room.

"You just sentenced that plant to death." Elliot said, knowing Olivia did not have a green thumb. "She'll never remember to water it."

Olivia gave him a dirty look. "I've manage to remember to feed Elise, so I think I can manage to keep a plant alive." She said drily as she set the plant on the fireplace mantel.

"Papa Don. Papa Don. Papa Don. Come see my room." Elise repeated, the volume of her voice escalating when she realized he wasn't paying attention to her.

Elliot shook his head. "We'll see." He turned his attention back to Cragen and Munch. "You guys all have impeccable timing. Too late to help unload but just in time to eat."

"Our devious plan worked." Munch said to Cragen. He looked at Fin. "Don't tell me you were here in time to actually help."

"Nah." He said. "Just supervising the last load."

"Why aren't you listening to me?" Elise yelled.

Dick leaned back in his chair. "Stop with the screaming!" He yelled back at her, a grin on his face. He turned back to the guys, shaking his head. "Sisters."

Olivia grabbed Elise under her arms and pulled her away from Cragen. "Elise, quiet down. You're being rude."

"I'll come look at your room in a few minutes." Cragen said.

Elise pulled out of Olivia's grasp and ran down the hall, apparently appeased by his promise.

Olivia sat back down on the couch. She looked at her watch and saw it was a little after 4, and she was exhausted already. The chaos in the apartment wasn't helping. From the boxes sitting everywhere to the haphazard furniture placed around the room to the six teenagers laughing and talking at the table with cans of soda and paper plates littered over the surface, it was overwhelming. She appreciated everyone's help, but it was going to be nice when she could have some peace and quiet, they could get everything in its place and they would finally be settled.

As if reading her mind, Dick stood up. "Hey Dad. We're going to get going." He held out his hand. "Can we get that money you promised?"

Elliot stood up and pulled out his wallet. He counted out the money and started to hand it to his son, but then he hesitated. "You guys are going right back to Queens, right?"

Dick nodded. "Of course."

"I don't want you hanging out in the city and getting in trouble." He said, handing the cash over. "I'm serious. I can track the GPS on your phone. Don't think I won't." He could just see these guys thinking it would be fun to cruise around the city, especially now that they had some cash in their pockets.

Dick rolled his eyes. "We're going back. We're going to hit the pool."

One of Dick's friends bumped his shoulder. "Yeah, someone named Rachel is going to be there." He teased.

Dick pushed his friend back, and shot him a dirty look. "Let's go."

Elliot laughed. He didn't even want to know. He remembered his days as a teenager, going to the pool or the beach and watching all the girls.

The boys left in a rush, and the volume in the apartment decreased by an astonishing amount. Elliot grabbed two of the chairs from the table and pulled them over nearer the couch. He motioned for Cragen and Munch to sit down and then disappeared around the counter into the kitchen area. Olivia heard the refrigerator open and then heard Elliot yell.

"Whaddya guys want? I got beer, water, and more beer." He came back in the room with several of each, and set them on the coffee table. He plopped down in the chair with a beer in his hand. "Damn kids drank all the soda. Sorry."

Munch and Fin grabbed a beer, and Cragen and Olivia each grabbed a water. Olivia looked around at the group assembled, and smiled. It reminded her of days, and nights, spent sitting around the squad room. Brainstorming, throwing ideas out and having the others critique them, and reading reports and arrest records of their suspects.

"This looks like a nice place." Cragen said. He looked over at Olivia. "How are you adjusting to living back in the city?"

Olivia let out a small laugh. "I can't believe you're asking me that. You were the one that asked me how I was possibly going to live in the suburbs when I moved to Connecticut." As soon as she said it, she looked over at Elliot, realizing she had inadvertently brought up a sore subject. Her move, and Cragen's involvement in the deception.

Elliot didn't seem phased by it. "She's a city girl through and through." He said. "This is where she belongs."

Olivia raised an eyebrow at him. "Yes, but we may move back to my house in Connecticut at some point." She'd been serious when they had discussed it. It was one of the main reasons they didn't sell it.

Elliot waved a hand at her. "Yeah. At some point." He winked at her. "But for now, this is home."

"Now that y'all gettin' settled, it's time for Liv to go back to work." Said Fin. "When you comin' back to SVU?"

Olivia's breath caught. She had told both Fin and Munch that she was going to be looking for a job once they were settled, but she hadn't specifically mentioned coming back to SVU. She looked over at Cragen, but he wasn't looking at her, and she was reasonably certain he wouldn't have told Fin about their conversation. She didn't want to look over at Elliot. She had been surprised the comment about her leaving to go to Connecticut hadn't sparked a reaction, but even though that hadn't, she knew this would.

She tried to laugh it off. "I never said I was coming back to SVU." She said, picking a piece of non-existent lint from her leggings. She could feel Elliot's eyes boring into her from where he was sitting across from her.

"Cap'n got approval to hire another head." Munch offered and Olivia lifted her head to look at him, surprised by his comment.

She wondered if Cragen had gone to bat to get another detective because he thought she wanted to come back.

"We're just swamped and the caseload is getting unmanageable. We've been paying so much overtime…" Cragen said. "It just makes sense to hire someone."

"Liv's not interested in chasing suspects. She wants to work with victims." Elliot said, practically interrupting Cragen. "Maybe doing something like she did before. You know, helping them wade through the legal hassle, getting them connected with counseling. That kind of thing."

Olivia looked up as he spoke, but he wasn't looking at her; he was focused on Cragen. Olivia could swear he was almost telling Cragen that she wasn't coming back. As if he was speaking for her. "Actually, I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet." She said, looking squarely at Elliot. When he heard her, he swung his eyes to hers. "I'm looking at all my options."

"Looks like maybe one option's already been crossed off the list." Munch quipped and Olivia shot him a dirty look, bridling at the implication.

"Nothing's been crossed off the list." She said pointedly, staring Elliot directly in the eyes. "Like I said, I'm looking at _all_ my options."

Fin seemed oblivious to the tension, or he didn't care. "I'd love to have you back. I'm tired of looking at all these ugly mugs. Seeing you every day would brighten up the place."

Cragen stood up. "So… can I get a tour of the place?" he said, obviously trying to break the tension and change the subject. "I promised a certain someone she could show me her room."

Elliot and Olivia held their stare for a moment longer, but Olivia finally relented, not wanting to make a scene in front of their friends, even though they'd been witnesses to plenty of fights between them before. She stood up. "Sure, I'll show you around." She headed down the hall, and Cragen followed her.

Elliot watched them go, hoping that was the end of the conversation.

"Why you gotta be such a hardass?" Fin asked. "Should be up to Liv if she wants to come back."

"It's none of your business." Elliot said, trying to give Fin a warning to back off. He wasn't going to discuss this with him.

"I'm just sayin'." He said. "She's a good detective. We could use her help."

Elliot sighed, since it was clear he wasn't going to drop it. He looked down the hall to see if Olivia was on her way back, but he could hear them talking to Elise. "I don't want her back on the street. We can't be partners anymore, and I can't stand the thought of her out there. It's too dangerous."

"You don't think we'd cover her?" Munch said. "That's bullshit."

"She's pregnant." Elliot said.

"Yeah, so she'd be on desk duty for a while. Good way to ease into it." Fin said.

"I can't believe the Olivia I know would let you make the decision for her." Munch said, disappointment in his voice.

"I'm not making the decision for her." Elliot said, trying to defend himself, even though the words didn't ring true as they came out of his mouth.

"Sure sounded like you were." Munch said.

"I never said she couldn't come back." Elliot said. "I just said she wanted to do something with victims."

Fin shook his head. "Never thought I'd see the day when Badass Benson would let someone else tell her what to do." He shook his head, showing Elliot once again that Fin's support was most definitely for Olivia.

"I'm not." Olivia said, and all heads turned to look. No one realized that she and Cragen had walked back into the room, and they all looked guilty, knowing they'd been talking about her behind her back. "And I'm so glad you all feel free to talk about what I should do."

"Hey." Said Fin. He stood up and held up his hands in a defensive gesture. "We were just trying to tell your boyfriend here that you're a big girl…"

Olivia cut him off. "Let's just drop it." She said, disappointed that this first day in their new apartment was turning out to be so contentious.

"Maybe we should just get going and let you two get unpacked." Cragen said, motioned towards the door.

Munch stood up. "Good idea."

"You don't have to leave." Said Olivia. "You just got here." She really didn't want them to leave. Primarily because she really enjoyed having them here, despite the turn in conversation. But also because she didn't want to finish this conversation with Elliot.

"It's late. I got a date." Fin said. He started heading towards the door. "Just wanted to see the place."

"A date huh?" She wasn't sure she believed him, because Fin never revealed much about his personal life. And she was more than a little pissed off. He came in, stirred up the pot, and then decided to bail. She was definitely going to give him shit the next time she had a moment alone. But there wasn't really anything she could do to keep him from going.

She followed him to the door, and turned to see Munch and Cragen right behind him. "Well, thanks for stopping by." She said, without much sincerity in her voice.

Fin and Munch headed out the door, but Cragen stopped in the doorway. "Say good-bye to Elise for me." He said. He hesitated for a moment longer, and Olivia could tell he was trying to think of something else to say. To ease the awkward ending to their visit.

Olivia took mercy on him. "When we get unpacked, we'll have everyone over for dinner."

Cragen sighed with relief, and gave her a quick smile, and then they were gone. Olivia closed the door behind them, and leaned with her back to it. She avoided looking at Elliot, and let out her breath slowly, trying to keep her calm.

Elliot stood up and walked towards her. He was ticked off about the entire conversation with Fin and Munch. Angry that they even brought up the subject. He had been looking forward to getting everything unpacked, putting Elise to bed, and curling up with Olivia. Maybe christening at least one room in the apartment…

She held up a hand. "Don't."

"Liv." He reached for her, but she evaded him and walked around him into the living room. "I'm going to check on Elise."


	53. Chapter 53

Elliot watched Olivia walk down the hallway, and decided it was probably best if he gave her a little space. He started opening up some of the boxes, and saw they were filled with things for the kitchen. He hauled the boxes into the kitchen, and started looking around, trying to understand how Olivia organized everything. Once he figured it out, he unpacked the last few boxes.

He cleaned up the mess from their impromptu pizza party and moved the table and chairs to their rightful spot. He moved into the living room, and pushed and lifted all the heavy furniture into place. He kept sneaking peeks towards the hallway to see if Olivia was coming back. When he was done getting the furniture situated, he stood at the edge of the hallway. He strained to hear any sound coming from Elise's room. He could hear Olivia talking, and a few interjections from Elise. Even though he couldn't hear what they were saying, it sounded like Olivia was reading to her. He considered poking his head into her room, but after thinking about it for a minute, he decided against it.

He walked back into the living room and saw more boxes lined up against the wall. He opened the box at the top of the stack, and saw some pictures and candles and other miscellaneous things. He did the best he could, putting some on the mantel and others on some of the shelving they'd moved. He emptied out two boxes of books, and left one small box of items he had no idea what to do with. Olivia was going to have to deal with that one.

When he was done, he took several loads of garbage and packing boxes to the garbage chute. When he walked back into the apartment, he was happy with what he saw. The room looked warm and inviting, and he hoped Olivia would be happy that at least one room was pretty well complete. He saw the rocking chair sitting at the entrance to the hallway, and debated taking it down to nursery. He peered down the hall, and saw the door to Elise's room was still partially closed. He lifted the heavy rocker and struggled down the hallway, placing it down gently in the nursery. He stood in the room for a few minutes, thinking about the months ahead. He was excited that he was able to go through this pregnancy with Olivia. He had missed so much with Elise…

He was determined not to dwell on that. He had let it go for the most part. Looking back was never going to change anything. They had to move forward. But in rare moments like this, it made him wistful, thinking about all that he had missed out on. With Elise and with Olivia.

He turned back and walked down the hallway. When he got to Elise door, he listened again. This time, he didn't hear anything. He pushed the door open just a little, far enough so he could poke his head inside. He saw Olivia curled on her side and Elise snuggled up against her. Olivia had her arm slung over Elise's little body, creating a little protective shell. They were both sound asleep. Elliot backed out quietly, and closed the door.

He wondered if they were out for the night. He looked at his watch and saw it was almost 7; and he contemplated waking them up. Falling asleep now might mean they were up at 3AM, unable to sleep any longer. But he had seen the exhaustion in Olivia's expression and he thought maybe they needed the sleep.

He left Olivia a note on the kitchen counter, grabbed his keys, and headed out the door, taking the empty boxes he had stacked by the door.

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Olivia woke up slowly and realized she had fallen asleep in Elise's bed. Elise was wiggling next to her, and Olivia lifted her arm to free her. Elise didn't wake up, but spread out, kicking Olivia in the shins. She smiled, assuming that's what had woken her up. She gently pushed herself up, and Elise immediately spread out, taking up the space Olivia had just occupied.

Olivia covered her up with her blanket and turned on the nightlight. She gave her a light kiss on the forehead, and stood up. She ran a hand through her hair and hesitated at the door, listening to the quiet of the apartment. She walked down the hallway, bracing herself for the conversation she knew was coming. The conversation they needed to have.

She was surprised when she saw the living room was empty. And doubly surprised when she saw all the work Elliot had done. The couch and chairs were situated around the fireplace, with the coffee table squarely in the middle. The lamps were on low, and she saw he had placed some photos on the mantle, and others on the shelves. The books were unpacked, and she only saw one small box that was unpacked sitting hear the bottom shelf. On the other side of the room, the table and chairs were set against the wall, and she turned to look into the kitchen area. It looked like everything was in its place there too, and it appeared he had disappeared, along with the garbage and empty boxes.

She was amazed he had done all of this by himself, and also that he had done it so quietly that she'd been able to sleep just one room away. She walked into the kitchen, and saw a note on the counter.

 _Didn't want to wake you. Went to drop off truck. Be back soon. Love u._

She picked up the note and read it again. _Love u._

She knew he did. She just wondered when he'd lost faith in her. In her ability to take care of herself. To make her own decisions.

He had told her that he would support her always. Apparently that didn't apply if he didn't agree with the decision she made.

When they'd been partners, his confidence in her had even surprised her sometimes. He had trusted her implicitly. The relied on each other, and his belief in her rarely wavered. They were equals. He had never questioned her capability in the most dangerous situations; relying on her skill and her instinct.

He may not have always agreed with her decisions…her theories…or her tactics. But he went with it until it she proved to be right…or wrong. He may have been overprotective sometimes, but it was never because he questioned her judgment. It was out of concern, and later she would learn, love.

So why now? Why was he hovering over her? Questioning…and practically dictating her decisions? What had she done to make him lose his faith in her? She thought back over the past several weeks, and saw the pattern there. Questioning her about things she was doing…telling her there was no rush to get back to work. She had told him she needed to feel a sense of accomplishment…to retain some sense of independence. It seemed he had been on the same page. But his actions didn't mirror his words.

She'd been angry when she walked into the living room and heard the conversation about her future. She realized she wasn't angry any more. She was just… Confused? Sad? Disappointed?

When she had told Elliot that she need to get things settled and start moving forward…that night they'd made their list…the very last thing on that was to get a job. She felt like they'd had numerous conversations without really talking about it. Well, maybe that wasn't accurate. They'd talked about it, but put off the hard conversation and the argument by deferring a final decision until later.

Later was now.

Elise was in school. By the end of the weekend, they would have everything unpacked and be officially moved in. There wasn't anything else on the list. She was ready to go back to work. More than ready.

She set the note back on the counter. She grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and saw a bowl of grapes. Suddenly, she realized she was hungry. She grabbed the bowl and a yogurt, found a spoon in a nearby drawer, and carried it all into the living room. She settled down on the couch and started popping grapes in her mouth. They tasted so good, and she realized that it was the first time in quite a while that the smell and taste of food didn't make her nauseous. She opened up the yogurt and curled her legs to the side, spooning a cool, creamy bite into her mouth.

She was about halfway through the container when she heard keys in the front door. She lowered the spoon and container and looked up at the door. She could tell Elliot was trying to be quiet as he slipped in the door. He paused when he saw her sitting there, watching him.

"You're up." He said.

She raised an eyebrow. She wanted to make a comment about stating the obvious, but she could feel tension radiating from him. She assumed it was because he wasn't certain what he was walking into. "Yes." Her tone was carefully neutral.

"You're eating." He said.

That comment got to her and she wanted to snap back at him. Instead, she ignored it and leaned over to set her yogurt and spoon back on the coffee table.

"I didn't mean…" He stopped, and held up a bag. "I stopped and picked up your favorite chicken salad. I thought maybe the pizza was too greasy and that maybe you'd be hungry."

"I do eat you know." She said, moving her eyes from his to the bag in his hand. She noticed he was still frozen at the door, not having moved into the room since he closed the door behind him. He was being careful…cautious. He mistook her silence for anger, and she supposed that was a legacy of the past. They had both always done a good job of shutting each other out when they were angry or upset. Talking about things had never come naturally. It was still hard, but she thought they'd come a long way.

It was a choice sometimes. It would be so easy to lash out at him right now.

She held out her hand, motioning towards the bag. "Thank you."

Elliot hesitated still, trying to dissect the sound of her voice. It was controlled and she wasn't showing emotion, one way or the other. He couldn't read anything in her face, and he didn't know where he stood right now. He knew she had to be angry about what happened earlier, and yet, he couldn't quite pinpoint her mood.

"Well?" she asked. "Is delivery over to the couch extra?"

Her smartass remark, delivered without so much as a smirk, jarred him from his thoughts. He propelled himself forward and came around the chair to hand her the bag. He sat down in the chair opposite her and watched as she pulled the container from the bag. She flicked her eyes into the container and then looked back at him. "You ate?"

Elliot nodded. "Yeah. I grabbed a sandwich but I ate it in the car on the way back. I was starving."

Olivia just nodded as she dug into the chicken salad. It was from the diner that they used to eat at all the time when she worked in SVU, and she knew he'd had to have driven out of his way to get it. If he was trying to get back in her good graces with these acts of kindness, he was doing a good job.

She kept her attention focused on her salad. "Thanks for unpacking everything in here. And getting this all set up. And cleaning up all the garbage. It looks great."

"Yeah." He said, his tone low and gruff.

She popped her head up then and saw him leaning back in the chair. He was wearing a worn black t-shirt that was stretched across his chest and arms, and a faded pair of jeans. He had his eyes trained on her and she could see the wariness there.

There was a part of her that wanted to keep him on edge. It would serve him right for being such an overbearing ass at times.

"If you're waiting for me to start yelling at you, we're going to be here for a while." She swore she could see some of the tension leave his body as he sat and stared at her. She leaned over and set the salad on the table and took a sip of water. She sat back, surprised he hadn't said anything.

"I'm not trying to tell you what you can and can't do." He started out, but he could tell she wasn't buying it.

Olivia didn't say anything. She could tell even he didn't believe what he said.

"I'm just worried about you. The risk is high. You could get hurt." He waited for some kind of reaction to what he was saying, but she still kept her expression neutral. "When I think of you back out on the street…"

"So when I was in SVU before, I could cut it but now I can't?"

"I was your partner. I had your back."

"Oh, so I wasn't actually capable of doing my job or defending myself. It was all you."

Eliot leaned forward and shook his head. "That's not what I said."

She raised one eyebrow. "That's sure what it sounded like."

He rested his elbows on his knees. "Just listen to me a second. It's not that I don't think you could do the job, it's just that I don't think you should. Things are different now. We have a daughter." He watched her, and he could see her jaw clench slightly. He knew she wanted to say something, but she held her tongue. "I think you told me you didn't go back to police work in Connecticut because you recognized the risk." He knew it was more than that. She'd been a single mother and everything was magnified in that scenario: the long hours and the calls in the middle of the night didn't work. And the risk of being hurt, with no backup/father/friends to be there only made it worse.

"Thanks for laying that all out for me." She said, and she knew the sarcasm in her voice didn't go unnoticed. She played with the ring on her finger, twisting it around as she spoke. She unfolded her legs and set them down on the ground, leaning slightly forward so she was looking right at him.

"I was just pointing out…" he continued.

Olivia cut him off. "That's the problem Elliot." She snapped. "Do you honestly think that I haven't thought these things through? That I don't understand the potential risks? That things have changed? Of course I do! Like you said, it's the main reason I didn't go back into police work before." She ran a hand through her hair. "But I thought now, we're back together. I had someone to support me. I thought that would give me options I didn't have before." She shook her head and looked down at her hands again. "I guess I was wrong."

"Of course I know you thought of those things. But I don't get to voice my opinion?"

"It sounded less like an opinion and more like an edict." She looked up at him.

"That's not true."

"I think it is." She said. "If I told you I wanted to go back to SVU, can you honestly sit there and say that you'd be OK with it?"

Elliot leaned back and let out a heavy sigh. "If you really want to go back, I'll back you." He sat, his eyes glued to her, waiting for a response. He meant what he said. If she was absolutely set on it, he wouldn't be happy about it, but he wouldn't stand in her way.

Olivia pressed her lips together. "I'm not going back to SVU."

"What?" Elliot let out a sound of exasperation. "Then why the hell are we fighting about it?" Now he was pissed. "What's the point?"

Olivia shook her head, disappointed that he didn't understand what she was trying to say. "The point is that I should be able to rely on you to support my decisions. That you should have faith in me. Trust me. You used to." She gave him a wry smile. "You used to trust me with your life, and now, for some reason, you feel like I can't even manage my own."

"Let me get this straight. I told you I wasn't happy about you going back to SVU, and suddenly I don't trust you?"

Olivia looked down at her hands. She could hear the frustration in his voice, but she was doing her best to make him understand. "It's not just the job. I feel like ever since I've moved back, you've been hovering, questioning my decisions. I went out with Casey a few weeks ago, and you practically ordered me home. You're watching every bite I eat; I feel like you're keeping a log somewhere. And you've been suggesting that I don't need to rush back to work. That there's no rush." She had been thinking about it a lot lately, and things had been piling up that made her think that he

"So I'm worried about your health and that makes me a bad guy?"

"No." she said vehemently. "No. You're not a bad guy. You're a good man. A fierce protector. Loyal to those you love." She pressed on, tears threatening her lower lashes. "We're _partners_ Elliot. That's meant so many things over the years. And now, it means more than ever. But partnership also means that we're equals…that we share our life, make decisions together, support each other." She looked down at her hand, and started to slide her ring down her finger. "But I think you're used to a certain lifestyle. A wife at home, watching the kids…making dinner. That's not me…"

Elliot stood up quickly as he watched her hold her engagement ring in her hand. "What are you doing?" he asked.

She looked up at him. "Marrying you shouldn't mean I have to lose myself." She hadn't intended to take off her ring when this whole conversation started, but now she was thinking that maybe they had rushed their engagement. They'd barely been back together for four months, and even though they'd known each other a long time, things change. People change.

He moved over to where she was sitting and pushed her food over roughly, sitting on the coffee table across from her. He wrapped his hands around hers, trapping her ring inside of her hand. "Don't." he said, desperation in his voice.

She looked up at him. She waited for him to tell her she was overreacting…that it was the hormones talking.

"I don't want that." He said. "I want to marry the woman I fell in love with." He looked at her earnestly, desperate to get her to understand. "I don't want you to change." He squeezed her hands. "I know I can be overbearing sometimes but it's just because…so help me God Olivia. The thought of something happening to you is more than I can bear." His voice caught. Even thinking of life without her now caused a sharp ache. "I didn't mean to make you feel like you're somehow something less than what you were before. You're all I've ever wanted. For as long as I can remember." He swallowed hard. "You think I don't trust you with your own life or mine anymore, but the truth is you hold both of our lives in your hands. Please…please put that ring back on your finger."


	54. Chapter 54

_Hey readers. Apparently I made a few people cry in the last chapter and I'm sorry. This one probably isn't much better. I love it when I hear from you! Thanks so much for the reviews._

EOEOEOEO

"I'm sorry." She choked out and Elliot's heart dropped.

"Olivia…stop this." He was getting frustrated. "I asked you to marry me. And you said yes. That means we're willing to accept each other, as is. I'm not asking you to change. I don't want you to. And you shouldn't expect me to change either. Am I going to be protective of you? Yes! Hell yes. But don't take that to mean I'm not listening to you or that I don't believe in you. And I hope to hell that you know that I wouldn't ask you to marry me if I wasn't certain about this. I've never been more certain about anything in my life. And I thought you were too." His frustration was escalating and he stood up suddenly, releasing her hands. He walked over to the mantel and braced his hands against it. "I'm sorry if you got the impression that I wanted you to be something that you aren't. I'm sorry if you feel like I wasn't supporting you. But all you had to do was talk to me."

"I've been trying…"

"Bullshit." He said, turning to look at her. His patience was gone. "You know what? I can't do this anymore. We've been through this so many times. You promised me you weren't going to walk away. You promised me we were done with this bullshit." The tone of his voice was escalating. "Multiple times." He said pointedly. "I love you Olivia. I want to marry you. I've been pretty clear about that." He narrowed his eyes. "But if you're looking for a way out of this, just say so."

Olivia was surprised by his words. "I didn't say I was…"

"Then why do you keep coming up with all this shit? I've been very clear about what I want. You're the one that keeps trying to read between the lines. Guess what? I'm not that deep. There's nothing to read. I'm an ass sometimes. I'm concerned about the woman I love. Sue me." He jabbed a finger at her. "I think _you_ need to think about why you keep backing away." He was yelling now; the control he tried to hold on to was gone. "Call me when you figure out what you want."

He headed for the door, slamming it behind him as he walked out the door.

Olivia felt the tears stream down her cheeks, just as she heard a wail behind her. She turned and saw Elise standing at the entrance to the living room, clutching a blanket. She was sobbing. "Daddy!" she yelled but Elliot was already gone.

Olivia felt nauseous, the reality of the situation hitting her squarely. She clutched the ring in her hand and looked back at Elise, who was still crying. She felt her dinner coming up. She dropped the ring as she pushed herself up from the couch. She rushed past Elise, feeling horrible about it, but she had to make it to the bathroom. She dropped to the floor and lost the contents of her stomach, and Elise followed her, clutching at the back of her t-shirt and sobbing.

When Olivia stopped retching, she grabbed a towel and wiped her face. She sat on the cold tile and leaned against the vanity. She pulled a still sobbing Elise onto her lap, trying to quiet her. "Shhh."

Elise kept sobbing, grabbing her t-shirt with her free hand and wetting it with her tears. Olivia tried to rock her a little, but her stomach wasn't cooperating. She thought about the past half an hour, and wondered how she'd ever let things get so out of control. She hadn't wanted a fight…she hadn't meant for things to end like that. She looked at her left hand as it was wrapped around Elise, and saw the slight dent at the base of her finger from the ring.

"I want Daddy." Elise sobbed.

Olivia buried her face in her hair. "Me too."

EOEOEOEO

Elliot pushed through the door of the apartment building and stopped outside on the sidewalk. He paced back and forth, seething with frustration. He had no idea where he was going to go; he just needed to get away. Before he said something he would really be sorry for.

He looked at the keys in his hands, but decided against getting in the car. He pulled out his phone and found his friend Terry's number. He hit send, and was thankful when Terry actually picked up the phone.

"Hey." Terry said. "Good to hear from you."

"Yeah, sorry I haven't called sooner. It's been kind of crazy." Elliot said.

"What's up?" Terry said and Elliot assumed he heard the strain in his voice.

"Tough day. I don't suppose you could meet me for a beer?" He just needed to talk to someone, and he and Terry had talked a lot before. The first time Olivia had left him. If he wasn't so miserable, he would smile at the irony in that.

"Sure. I can be there in 30." He said.

"Thanks man." Elliot didn't have to ask where. It was the same spot they'd always met. The same place he'd run into him just a couple months ago. He hung up the phone and headed out to catch a cab.

He arrived at the bar about twenty minutes later, and scanned the crowd. It was Saturday night and the place was busy. He didn't see Terry, but he did see two open stools at the bar. He nabbed them quickly, and ordered himself a Guinness. He had already downed half of it when Terry walked up and slapped him on the shoulder.

Elliot turned and saw his friend. He stuck out his hand and Terry shook it.

"Good to see you." Terry said as he slid onto the stool next to him. He signaled the bartender and pointed to the Guinness sign. "So…what's going on?"

Elliot took a long drink of his beer and set down the glass, signaling to the bartender for a refill.

"If you're drinking like that, it must be a woman." Terry joked. "Trouble in paradise?" He poked Elliot in the ribs. "You know, that offer still stands to take that one off your hands." He teased.

Elliot shot him a dark look, letting him know he wasn't in the mood for his humor.

"That bad huh?" Terry asked, seeing the look on Elliot's face. "Tell me."

"I don't even where to start." He said.

"Just talk."

Elliot realized he hadn't spoken to Terry in the past two months. "Well first of all, I asked Olivia to marry me."

Terry didn't rush to congratulate him since he didn't know what was going on. "And?"

"She said yes."

"Well, that's good."

"She's pregnant."

"Uh…" Terry hesitated again.

"We planned it." Elliot said. He didn't want Terry to think it was a mistake.

"Congratulations." He said.

Elliot didn't say anything, so Terry pressed on.

"So it sounds like things were going well. You've got a baby on the way. You're getting married." He said. "Wait, are you having second thoughts? You don't want to marry her?"

Elliot looked at him like he was crazy. "Of course I want to marry her. If you remember, I was going to ask her before…"

Terry remembered. He had spent hours talking with Elliot in this very bar. Each baring their souls, telling their stories to each other. "So tell me what's going on."

The bartender interrupted them with the delivery of their beers. Elliot took another long drink. "She's just so damned difficult."

Terry took a drink too, and waited. One thing he had learned about Elliot was that he had to go at his own pace.

"She's reading too much into everything I do and say. I told her I didn't think it was a good idea to go back into police work and suddenly, I don't have any confidence in her anymore. I make a comment about her overdoing it, and I'm being an overprotective ass." He took another sip of beer. "How can she get upset with me for being worried about her?"

Terry started to say something, but Elliot kept going.

"If you ask me, it's her that's the problem. She's always had a problem with commitment. I mean, I know she had a fucked up childhood. First her mother. Then, she had bad experiences with men at a young age. In her adult life, any relationships she's had have been purely physical." It made him sick to think about it. "She learned at a young age that she should never let anyone in. That way, she couldn't get hurt." He shook his head. "But we were different." He shook his head. "At least I'd like to think we were." He took another long drink. "Maybe we weren't. Maybe she can't ever give herself completely to anyone."

Terry didn't know what to say. He had never met Olivia. "I can only comment based on what you've told me, but that doesn't sound like the woman you told me about. It seemed like she really loved you."

"I don't doubt she loves me." Elliot said.

"What did she say?" Terry probed. He knew that sometimes if you were too close to the subject, you couldn't be objective.

"She said maybe things were going too fast." He looked back at Terry. "How in the hell can she say that? We were partners for 7 years. We were together for six months. We were apart almost five years, but I never stopped loving her. And from what I can tell, she didn't stop loving me."

"It sounds to me like she wants the same things you do. She wouldn't have agreed to have a baby if she didn't see a future with you." Terry offered. "Maybe she just doesn't know _how_ to let herself trust someone else completely…"

Elliot shook his head, starting to feel the effects of drinking his two beers so quickly.

"Elliot. It might not be a question of won't. It might be a question of can't."

Elliot motioned for the bartender to bring them each another beer.

"People are a conglomeration of their past experiences. You know that." Terry said, trying to get Elliot to understand what he was saying. "If you love her, you won't give up on her."

"It's up to her now. She had to decide what the hell she wants. I can't do this anymore. I can't worry that one day, she's going to wake up and decide she wants out. If she leaves me again, it'll kill me."

Terry clapped a hand on Elliot's shoulder. "From what I hear…she's the one. Sometimes you have to fight for what you want."

Elliot swiveled on his stool and looked at his friend. "When is it her turn to fight for us?" He took a long drink then, downing half the glass.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elise had finally calmed down and Olivia stood her up. "Mommy's just going to get cleaned up." She said.

"I'm hungry." Elise said, a whine in her voice.

Olivia ran a hand across her face. She wasn't in the mood for a moody child tonight, but she knew Elise was upset after hearing she and Elliot fighting. "OK. I'll make you something in a minute. Go out and curl up on the couch and I'll find a movie for you."

Elise trudged out of the bathroom with sullen look on her face.

Olivia looked in the mirror and was startled by her appearance. She was pale and her cheeks were tear stained. Her eyes were bloodshot, and her t-shirt was wet with Elise's tears. She ran some cold water and splashed some on her face. She brushed her teeth, trying to get the taste of vomit out of her mouth. She walked into her bedroom and dug in a box until she found a clean t-shirt. She took her old one off and put on the new one, and then added a lightweight hoodie. She walked out into the living room and saw Elise look up at her expectantly.

"I want to watch Ariel." She said.

Olivia's eyes flickered to the TV, and she realized that it wasn't even hooked up. The DVD player was nowhere in sight, nor were the DVD's. She ran a hand through her hair.

"How about if we do something else. Why don't you come help me make something to eat?" She tried to infuse her voice with enthusiasm she didn't feel.

"I want to watch Ariel." Elise demanded. "You said I could."

She tried not to lose her patience. None of this was Elise's fault. She walked over to the couch and leaned over the back. "Sweetheart. Listen to me please. Mommy is having a bad day and I know it's not your fault, but I need you to help me out. The TV's not hooked up and we can't watch a movie right now." She needed to avoid a meltdown because she wasn't going to be able to handle it. She saw Elise's eyes stare into hers and she reached up her small hand and rested it on Olivia's cheek.

"I don't want you to be sad Mommy." She said. Elise got up on her knees and put her other hand on Olivia's other cheek. She placed a small kiss on Olivia's nose and then pulled back, looking into her eyes. "Tomorrow will be a gooder day."

Olivia couldn't handle it…the unexpected sweetness of her gesture and her words. She felt the tears brim over her lower lashes and now she was the one crying. Elise stood up and wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck and Olivia wrapped her arms around Elise's small body. She tried not to sob openly, but she buried her face into her small shoulder and let them fall.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot had downed two more beers, and Terry was getting concerned. He had never seen Elliot drink like this and he knew first hand that drinking wasn't the answer.

"I think it's time we took off." Terry said.

Elliot sighed and nodded. He was drunk, and he knew that alcohol mixed with his anger and frustration was not a good combination.

"I'm not sure you should go home." Terry said. "You want to crash at my place?"

Elliot thought about it for a second. He hadn't really planned much past meeting Terry. He agreed that going back to his new apartment wasn't a good option. He could go back to his old apartment. It was technically still his, but there wasn't any furniture there. "Your wife gonna mind?" he asked, slurring his words slightly.

"Nah." He said. "She's used to me bringing drunk friends home."

Elliot raised a brow at him.

"Just kidding. But she won't mind. Let's go."

Elliot pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked to see if he had any messages. He was disappointed to see that he didn't.

Terry snagged the phone from his hand. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Give me my phone." Elliot said.

Terry shook his head. "You're just going to text her… or worse yet, call her. You'll probably say something you shouldn't. Or she will. Just leave it until morning." He didn't know how they'd left things, but he had to assume she wasn't anxious to hear from him either. Elliot had told them about some of the fights they'd had in the past, and he knew they could be brutal.

Elliot tried to grab it again, but he was a little uneven on his feet and he missed. Terry clapped a hand on his shoulder, and steered him towards the door. "Let's go."

EOEOEOEO

Olivia curled up on the couch and pulled a blanket over her lap. After her breakdown, she and Elise had made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for her. She'd read her a few books while she ate, playing with her hair as they curled up together. By the time she had put Elise back to bed, she was feeling calmer. She had walked back out to the living room, and searched around for her engagement ring. She had dropped it so quickly that she wasn't sure where it was. She panicked when she couldn't find it, and relief coursed through her when her fingers grazed the cool stone where it was wedged between the cushions. She sat down, and held the ring in the palm of her hand.

She wondered where Elliot was now. She looked at her phone on the coffee table, resisting the urge to call him. She knew he was angry. And she knew she had to think things through. His last words rang through her head.

" _I think you need to think about why you keep backing away."_ He had said. " _Call me when you figure out what you want."_

She knew she wanted him. That had never been the issue. But she knew he knew he was right. If she thought about it, she did have a habit of pushing him away. She thought about the accusations she had hurled at him. She knew that she believed them when she said them, but was it really just her own insecurity that she was projecting on to him? Was she really unable to commit to him completely?

She curled her fist around the ring. She had some things to think about. And she also knew that she couldn't put that ring back on her finger until she had.


	55. Chapter 55

Olivia woke up disoriented. It was dark in the room except for a small bit of diffused light, and she panicked for a moment, her mind unable to focus on where she was. A few seconds later, the events of the day slammed back into her full force. She was in her new apartment. Their new apartment. The first night here, and instead of the romantic evening she envisioned, curled up with Elliot in their bed, she was asleep on the couch. Alone.

She looked at her watch, trying to read the time in the darkened room. It looked like it was 3AM. And Elliot hadn't come back. At least she didn't think so. She was reasonably certain she would have heard him come in. Even the quietest of people couldn't trump a trained cop…and a mother. She hadn't slept deeply in years.

She sat up and stretched. Her back was sore from sleeping in an odd position on the couch, and she realized she was cold. They had left the windows open, letting in the summer breeze during the day. But now the night had chilled and the room was cool.

She got up from the couch and closed the windows. She padded down the hallway and peeked in Elise's room. True to form, the little girl was sprawled out on the bed, taking up as much space as possible. The nightlight cast a dim light around the room and Olivia could see the mess she was going to have to sort out. She hesitated a second, wanting to crawl into bed with Elise and snuggle her, but she didn't want to wake her. It seemed wrong to take comfort from a four-year-old, but for most of her life, it had just been Elise and Olivia, and holding her daughter close had gotten her through some pretty miserable bouts, when she was missing her old life…and Elliot.

She backed out of the room and closed the door and looked down towards their bedroom. She knew it was irrational, but maybe somehow Elliot had snuck in, gotten past her, and crawled into bed. She walked down the hall and poked her head into their room. The ambient light from the half-moon cast a low light on the room and she saw their bed, still sitting haphazardly in the middle of the room, unmade. They had planned on putting their room together last night, after the big move and Elise was settled. Elliot had joked about making the bed the first priority once Elise was asleep. He had leaned in with a salacious grin and whispered a few delicious details of exactly what he wanted to do to her. She had actually blushed, batting at him because didn't he know his son and his friends were just a few yards away?

That seemed so long ago.

She sat down on the bed and wondered where he was. She knew they still had the keys to his old apartment, and she assumed he'd gone there. But then she had second thoughts because there wasn't one stick of furniture…not one blanket or sheet…in the whole place. She couldn't see him settling on the hard floor. The cribs were the next logical answer, and she felt a stab of humiliation at the thought of that. The bunks there were his refuge when he and Kathy weren't getting along. She didn't want to be that person.

She lay back on the stripped mattress and rolled over on her side, grabbing a pillow and hugging it close to her body. She thought about calling him. But honestly, she didn't know what she would say. She would tell him that she was sorry and that she loved him, but she was certain that he wouldn't accept that. It wouldn't solve anything. His words kept echoing in her mind. Why did she keep backing away? She loved him…she had for a long time. She had everything she ever wanted. Everything she thought she ever wanted. Why couldn't she just relax? Enjoy it? Accept it?

Because she was always waiting for the next shoe to drop. She had learned in her life that she couldn't have what other people have. That she shouldn't expect too much. She'd grown up watching her schoolmates have birthday parties and Christmas mornings and trips to the zoo. Serena had always made promises, but Olivia could rarely recall any kind of celebration. Her birthday was a time where Serena spiraled into even deeper depression, and Olivia didn't understand it until she was much older. Holidays were just as tough, and the mother and daughter outings were few and far between, and usually revolved around something that interested Serena, or involved the university she taught at. An art exhibit. A poetry reading. Olivia had taught herself to be happy with it, but she learned not to get her hopes up when her mother mentioned that maybe they could go to the beach, or to a movie.

It was part of the reason that Olivia let herself fall in love at such a young age. She wanted to escape her mother, and at that age, she still thought she could have a different life. But that ended in disaster, as did her next major relationship. An affair with a much older man that ended quite abruptly when he realized that a young Olivia thought their relationship meant more than it did.

After that, Olivia kept her expectations low. The things that other people had? They weren't meant for her. She focused on her schooling and her work, throwing her passion and energy into that. She dated, but they never turned into much. She never let it. It had been that way until the day she walked into the 16th precinct. The day she met Elliot.

She thinks back on those early days fondly. It wasn't an immediate attraction…she's not so crazy to think they fell in love at first sight. But it was the easiness between them. He listened to her. Respected her. They became friends.

The falling happened gradually. It wasn't as if there was one specific event…one thing that made her fall for him. Or him for her. It was probably during their fourth year of their partnership that she realized she had feelings for him that she shouldn't. Maybe it was sooner. She didn't really know, but she knew he felt the same. And then there was a long period where they tamped it down, pretended it wasn't real.

And then Gitano happened and they couldn't pretend anymore. They fell into their affair hard and Olivia had hope that she could have everything she wanted. But she was still cautious…still worried that this life wasn't meant for her. That she would end up hurt. Rejected.

It was why she left Elliot five years ago. His life was being torn apart. She left him before he could leave her. It was inevitable. He was trying to make a life with her, but he was miserable about what was happening with his kids. He would always choose them over her, as he should. She told herself that if she was the one that left, it wouldn't hurt as much. She had been wrong…so wrong. The pain was unbearable. Her unborn baby was the only thing that had saved her from spiraling into deep depression, and they had built a life together. She had believed in their little family. She could control that and Elise loved her unconditionally.

Elise was the reason that she'd had the courage to come back and tell Elliot about her. The years she spent raising her made her feel confident. She could love unconditionally, and be loved in return. She wasn't worried about someone taking that love away from her. It was a bond that couldn't be broken, even if Elise came to love other people. It didn't diminish who Olivia was to her.

So what was she afraid of? She knew Elliot loved her. He had let her back in his life, even after all the pain she had caused him. He had never given her any reason to doubt that he wanted a life with her.

Was she really just twisting everything he did and said into something more than was? Was she really so messed up that she was subconsciously sabotaging their relationship?

She didn't want to believe it. It was easier to blame Elliot…accuse him of trying to smother her…change her.

What she did want to believe is that she had changed and grown…finally broken free of the doubts that she couldn't have the life she had always yearned for.

The realization that she hadn't was crushing. She knew what she wanted. She wanted Elliot. Their family. She wanted a future with him.

But she had no idea how to get there. How to get rid of her hidden insecurities once and for all.

She wrestled with her thoughts some more until she fell into a restless sleep.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot woke up to a small dog licking his face. He pushed the dog away, and wiped the slobber off his face with disgust. He sat up quickly as the dog came back and he groaned at the pain in his head. He rubbed his temples as he swung his legs off the couch and into a sitting position. He held his head in his hands as the events of the day before came rushing back to him.

He felt his gut clench when he remembered storming out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. The sight of Olivia sliding here engagement ring off her finger…

It tore at his heart. He was still angry. She had promised him time and again that they were done with this bullshit. When she had told him she would marry him, he had breathed a sigh of relief. She believed in them. Everything he had hoped and dreamed of having with her was finally coming true.

 _It might not be a question of won't. It might be a question of can't._

Tony's words from the night before echoed in this mind.

"You look like you could use some coffee."

Elliot looked up and saw Terry standing there with two mugs of coffee. He held one out to Elliot.

"It's strong. Black."

"Thanks." Elliot said, taking the mug from him. He took a sip and cringed as it burned his mouth.

"How're you feeling?" Terry asked. "You were knocking them back last night."

"I feel like shit." He admitted. He didn't know why he'd been drinking like that. He knew that wasn't the way to solve anything. But he had just wanted to forget.

"Jamie is going to make us some breakfast."

Elliot stood up. "Tell her not to go to the trouble. I'm gonna get going." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "Thanks for meeting me last night." He leaned over to pick up his shoes, grimacing at the pain in his head. "And for letting me crash here."

"I don't know if I helped, but I was glad I was there to listen." He followed Elliot to the door of the apartment. He clapped a hand on Elliot's shoulder. "Just…don't make any snap decisions. Give it some time." He said. "I told you last night, but I don't know if you remember. Everything you said. The way you talk about her." He sighed. "Don't give up on her."

Elliot opened the door and looked back at Terry. "I can't do anything about it if she's given up on me."

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia was awakened by Elise, but she struggled to open her eyes. They felt itchy and swollen, and she knew it was from crying the night before. Elise started jumping on the bed, and Olivia was moaning that only one of them was re-energized after a good night's sleep.

"I want pancakes Mama." Elise said as she continued to jump. "Pancakes. Pancakes. Pancakes."

Olivia groaned as Elise landed on her, accidently catching her in the ribs with an elbow.

"Sorry." She said, but Olivia only heard glee in her voice as she hopped back up and started jumping again. "I want chocolate chip pancakes!" She clapped her hands and then dropped down to her knees. She pulled at Olivia's shoulder, forcing her to roll over on her back. She leaned her arm on her chest, and peered into Olivia's eyes. "Can we have chocolate chip pancakes?"

Olivia closed her eyes, willing herself to have some patience. She wanted to shield Elise from all this ugliness. She grabbed her little shoulders gently to try to keep her from bouncing on her anymore. "Yes. I'll make you pancakes. But you have to give me a minute."

Elise never heard anything beyond yes. She was off the bed and skipping down the hall. "I'm gonna be your helper!" She yelled and thirty seconds later, Olivia heard her opening and closing cabinet doors. When she heard the refrigerator door open, she rolled out of bed, deciding to skip the shower she had hoped for. She went to the bathroom and then splashed cold water on her face, wanting to get into the kitchen as quickly as she could. Elise knew she couldn't touch knives or the stove, but that didn't mean she couldn't make a mess.

Olivia walked into the kitchen and saw that Elise had pulled a stool over to the counter. She as currently kneeling precariously on her knees, with a bowl in front of her. As Olivia caught up to her, Elise cracked an egg into the bowl, dropping the egg and shells into the bowl. Olivia closed her eyes again and took a deep breath. It was going to be a long morning.

"Mommy. You have to open your eyes to make pancakes." Elise said, laughing as if she had told a funny joke.

Olivia opened her eyes and looked down at Elise. "You're right. We wouldn't want any eggshells in our pancakes, would we?" She looked into the bowl to try to determine if it was salvageable or if they needed to start over. Before she could even say anything, Elise dipped her hands into the bowl and started to dig out the shells.

"I got 'em." She said, dropping shells onto the counter.

Olivia stifled a groan. Elise hadn't washed her hands and Olivia didn't want anything to do with the pancakes in this bowl. "Honey, let's start over." She put the bowl in the sink. "But first, let's wash your hands." She wrapped an arm around Elise's waist and dragged her and the stool over to the sink. When the water was warm, she helped Elise soap and rinse her hands. She handed Elise a towel, and was just about to drag the stool back to their work are when she heard keys in the door.

Her breath hitched as she realized it had to be Elliot.

"It's Daddy!" Elise yelled, wriggling out of her arms and practically falling off the stool. Olivia helped to steady her and she tore for the door as soon as her feet hit the floor. She didn't look up as he came in, or when he spoke to Elise.

"Hey sweetie." He said. "I missed you."

Olivia moved the stool back to it's original spot and started cracking eggs into a new bowl.

"Me and Mommy are making pancakes." Elise said. " _Chocolate chip_ pancakes."

Olivia lifted her head slightly and could see Elise was trying to drag Elliot towards the kitchen counter where she was working.

"Hey. Elise. Stop." Elliot said.

Olivia looked up then and saw Elliot was squatting down on the floor next to her.

"I have a surprise for you." He said. "I'm going to take you to the beach today. We'll go swimming and play in the sand and we'll have a picnic."

Olivia looked at him, trying to keep any emotion from her face. So far, he hadn't acknowledged her at all.

"Yay!" Elise said, smiling from ear to ear. "Is Mommy coming with us?" She turned to look at Olivia, keeping one hand firmly clasped in Elliot's.

"I'm sorry baby, but not today." Elliot said, not even looking up at Olivia. "Mommy has stuff to do today. It's just going to be me and you. Maybe we can see if Katie or Liz want to go with us."

Olivia was slightly shocked at his words…and at the fact that he was taking Elise. She wasn't alarmed or worried in any way. It was just the fact that he was completely ignoring her. He hadn't asked if she had anything planned, or wanted to go along. The last thing she wanted to do was spend the day alone. She had assumed that he would show up at some point in the day and that they would be able to talk. But now it was apparent that he had no intention of talking to her…or even being around her.

"But we were making pancakes."

Olivia was barely registering Elise's words as she continued to have a conversation with Elliot. She stood at the counter with her hands on the eggs and willed herself to say something. Anything. But before she knew it, Elliot was up and heading down the hallway with Elise in tow, telling her they would get breakfast on the way to the beach.

She tried to focus on what he was saying, and she heard him tell Elise that he was going to take a shower, and for her to get dressed and find her swimsuit. She watched Elise duck into her room, and watched as Elliot disappeared into their bedroom and closed the door behind him.

She followed Elise into her bedroom, and tried to help her find something to wear. She pulled some shorts out of a box, and then found a t-shirt and a sweatshirt. Elise got dressed, chattering away about everything they were going to do at the beach, and Olivia had to bite her bottom lip to stifle her emotions. She was digging through boxes, trying to find a swimsuit and flip-flops, and was getting more frustrated by the second.

"I need my Ariel towel." Elise said as she pulled on her sweatshirt.

Olivia stifled a groan, having no idea where that would be packed. "Come here sweetie so I can put your hair in a ponytail."

"I don't want a ponytail. I want a braid." She plopped down on the bed in front of Olivia.

"How about a ponytail?" Olivia asked. She started brushing Elise's hair and could barely believe when Elise didn't argue with her.

"Daddy's going to teach me how to swim." She said.

"You already know how to swim" Olivia said. Elise had been taking swim lessons since she was a baby.

"Yes, but Daddy doesn't know that!" she said, laughing. "I'm going to surprise him."

Olivia shook her head. Sometimes Elise acted like a typical 4-year-old, and other times, she swore she was an adult stashed in a small body. Before she could reply, she heard Elliot open their bedroom door and she braced herself slightly. A few seconds later, he poked his head inside Elise's room and glanced at her quickly before he looked down at Elise.

"Ready to go?"

"Just a second." Olivia said, fastening the hair binder around her ponytail. As soon as it was done, Elise hopped down off the bed and ran for the door. "Hold on." Olivia said. "I haven't found your swimsuit yet." There was one unopened box that didn't have its contents dumped on the floor. Elliot sauntered into the room and opened the flaps of the box, and in five seconds, he had her swimsuit and a pair of sandals in his hand.

"Daddy, I need my Ariel towel." Elise said as she held onto one of his arms. Elliot stood up, clasping Elise's hands so she was dangling from his arm and she squealed with delight. He scooped her into his other arm, juggling her and the other items in his arms. "I've got towels for us." He said as he headed for the door.

He stopped just inside the doorway, and Olivia's breath hitched slightly, wondering if he had changed his mind. If he was going to ask her to join them.

He looked back at her. "We'll be back by bedtime." He said. And then he disappeared out the door.


	56. Chapter 56

_Hi! I love how everyone is so passionate about these last few chapters. Some are on Team Olivia and some are on Team Elliot and you're all right. It's both of their fault. They need to just get over themselves. Sorry for the ride and sorry for the drama if that's not your cup of tea, but hopefully we can work through this and leave some of the drama behind. Thanks for all of your reviews!_

EOEOEOEO

Elliot hadn't left Terry's with the intent of picking up Elise and spiriting her away for the day. But on the cab ride home, he realized that he wasn't ready to talk to Olivia yet. He was hungover, and still a little angry, and he knew there was a really good chance any discussion would turn into another argument.

He wasn't stupid enough to think that he didn't play a role in this argument. And he wasn't naïve enough to think Olivia's insecurities wouldn't show up every once in a while. He knew better. Especially with everything that was going on right now. But he _did_ expect that they would work through issues. They'd become so much better at talking about things. Hell, he'd even deal with an argument like they'd been having the night before.

But when she had slid her engagement ring off her finger…

That was what had driven him over the edge.

To him, it meant she was questioning everything about them. He needed to know she was sure, because once she put that ring back on her finger… _if_ she put that ring back on her finger…it damn well wasn't coming off.

For better or for worse.

His anger had flared again at the thought of it. He couldn't stop seeing the image of her taking the ring off and holding it in her hand. He had been muttering to himself in the cab and the driver probably thought he was a little crazy. He decided then that he wasn't ready to talk to her yet. He was going to give her some space, and he needed some too.

He had heard Elise and Olivia talking when he opened the door to the apartment. Olivia had avoided looking at him, and that sealed it for him. She obviously wasn't ready to talk either. He had scooped up Elise and decided to go ahead with the plan he had hatched in the last few minutes of his cab ride. A day at the beach, with Elise, would hopefully clear his head and take his mind off everything.

When he'd gone into Elise's room to get her and her things, he saw the expression on Olivia's face, and he knew she was hurting. But he had made his decision and he wasn't going to change it now. Everything he'd thought through in the cab was still true, and he was worried that anything he said was going to come out with a bite to it. He'd been about to leave without saying anything at all, but had paused just long enough to tell he that they'd be back. It was all he could offer her.

When he had buckled Elise into the car seat, she'd immediately been on him about breakfast and Katie and Liz. He quickly scrambled, making a few calls to his kids. But it was still early and they were all sleeping. He decided to take Elise to a small diner close to the beach for breakfast, and he would see if he heard from the kids later on. It didn't really matter. He and Elise would have fun by themselves.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia sat in Elise's room for a bit, seemingly rooted in place. It was times like this that she really wished she had someone to talk to. The person that knew her best was the very person she wanted to talk about. He was her best friend. He knew all of her demons.

She debated calling Casey. They had been pretty close friends. At least as far as Olivia was concerned. Casey had learned a lot more about her many years ago, when they were working on the Carrie Eldridge case. Some of the more sordid details of living with an alcoholic mother had come out, and Olivia had told Casey about some of the darker moments. But she felt that things were a little different since she'd come back. Probably a result of closing her out for all those years she was gone.

Still, she had told Casey a lot. And Casey called her on her shit. Maybe that's what she needed right now. A cold, hard reality check.

She pushed herself up off the bed and went in search of her phone. She found it on the coffee table, right next to her engagement ring. She sat down hard, picking up the ring and staring at it. She thought about the night Elliot had asked her to marry him. It was such a short time ago. It had been so romantic. _Perfect_. She had been surprised, but there had really never been a doubt in her mind about saying yes.

She _wanted_ to marry Elliot. He was the only man for her, and had been for a long time. He had told her she was it for him, and she believed him.

 _So what the hell was her problem?_

In her defense, she hadn't told him she didn't want to marry him. She just questioned if they were moving too fast. But she had seen the look on his face when she pulled the ring off, and she could only imagine how hurt he was. If the tables had been turned…if he had been the one to tell her that, she didn't know if she would have been able to take it.

She picked up her phone and found Casey's number. She hit SEND, and pulled her knees to her chest as she leaned back and waited for her to answer.

The phone rang five times and Olivia was about to give up when she heard a groggy hello.

"Casey?" she asked. She realized she must have been sleeping. She looked at her watch and saw it was only 10AM. On a Sunday morning. She should have checked before she called.

"Yeah. What time is it?" she rasped into the phone.

"A little before 10." Olivia said. "I'm sorry I woke you. I'll call you back later."

"No. No. I'm awake now." Casey said, her tone still thick with sleep. She must have realized it must be urgent for Olivia to call this early on a Sunday. "What's going on?"

Olivia took a deep breath. "I fucked up." There was really no other way to put it.

There was silence on the other end of the line and Olivia wondered if Casey had fallen back asleep. Then she realized she heard whispering.

"Oh my God Casey. Is someone there with you?" Now she really felt horrible. "I'm sorry. Forget it."

"Stop Liv. You can't tell me you fucked up and then hang up."

"But…"

"It's fine. He's leaving. Just…give me a second, OK?"

Olivia heard some rustling and assumed Casey had put the phone down. She debated hanging up, but knew the damage was done. Casey was already ushering him out the door. She was going to owe her big time.

A full two minutes passed before Casey got back on the phone. "OK. Sorry."

"Who's the guy?" Olivia asked. She didn't know if Casey was seeing someone or if this was just one time thing.

"Stop changing the subject." Casey said, her voice sounding better than before. "So spill it."

"Elliot and I got into a fight last night."

"Yeah, what's new?" Casey teased.

"This is serious." Olivia said.

"OK." Said Casey, sobering up immediately.

"He left. And he didn't come home all night." Olivia said, and she could already feel the tears brimming on her lower lashes and she hated it. She wasn't normally a person that cried easily, and she felt like that's all she'd been doing.

Casey must have picked up on the waver in her voice. "Are you _crying_?" she asked.

Olivia could tell she was really throwing her off. "No." she said, but a tear spilled over. "Yes." She whispered.

"Jesus. What the hell happened?" she asked, concern in her voice. "You know what? Never mind. I'm on my way over."

"You don't have to come over." Olivia said quietly, silently hoping her friend would override her and come over anyway.

"I'm already halfway out the door." Casey said. "You guys moved right? Text me your new address."

"OK." Olivia agreed. "And Casey? Thanks."

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot and Elise had eaten breakfast and spent almost two hours at the beach before he heard back from Elizabeth. She told him that she had plans and couldn't make it. Kathleen called a short time later and told him the same thing.

He realized that it was just going to be he and Elise all day, and he wasn't sure if he could survive a whole day of being buried in the sand, of building and knocking down sand castles and tossing her into the waves and 'saving' her. He always forgot how much energy this little girl had. And he was preoccupied with thoughts of Olivia.

He had left Elise building another princess castle, and moved to the towel a few yards away to watch her play, promising her he would be back once he'd taken a break. He was stretched out on a towel, lying on his side with one elbow cocked beneath him so he could still see her and keep her out of harm's way.

Since being out at the beach, his anger had subsided a little. He saw lots of families spending the day out here, and he felt a pang of jealousy and sadness. The three of them should be here together. Right now, he felt like a single father that had Sunday visitation with his daughter.

He was itching to call her. He wondered what she was doing right now.

"Is this spot taken?"

Elliot heard a voice next to him and looked up, shielding his eyes from the sun. He saw a woman standing there, her arms laden with towels and a bag and some beach toys. "What? Um. No."

"Thank God." She said, dropping all of her things at her feet on the sand next to him. "This place is a zoo today."

"Summer in New York. Whaddya' gonna do?" Elliot said.

"Are you here with your family?" she asked as she spread two towels out next to his.

Elliot didn't want to engage in conversation with this woman; he didn't want any company at all. He hoped his acknowledgement that the space was open didn't mean he was locked into talking to her all afternoon.

"Yes. That's my daughter." He said, pointing to Elise.

"Oh, what a beautiful little girl." She said.

Elliot beamed slightly. Elise was beautiful, and people complimented her all the time. "Thank you."

"She's playing with my son, Alex." She said, pointing back at the kids.

Elliot noticed a little tow-headed boy on his knees next to Elise and she was gesturing madly at him. Elliot could only imagine what she was saying to him; but he was fairly certain she was giving instruction of some sort. Poor Alex didn't have a chance.

"And is your wife here?" his new neighbor asked, trying to be nonchalant and failing miserably.

Elliot wanted to roll his eyes at her lack of subtlety. "She's not feeling well." Elliot said. "So she didn't make the trip with us."

"Aw. That's too bad." She said. A little too excitedly for Elliot's taste. She settled on to the towel next to him and stuck out her hand. "My name is Clare." She hesitated a second. "I'm glad Alex has someone to play with because his father, my ex, isn't here either."

Elliot groaned inwardly, not surprised that she had somehow managed to sneak in that little tidbit. He also wondered how, with all of the space on the beach, he ended up here with this woman beside him. And how he was going to make it through the rest of the afternoon.

EOEOEOEOE

It took Casey almost an hour to get there, and Olivia was pacing before she heard the buzzer. She opened up the door before Casey could even knock.

"Walking out the door huh?" Olivia asked, and then realized she sounded like a complete bitch.

"Nice to see you too." He had two coffees in her hand and offered one to Olivia.

"I'm sorry Case." Olivia said as she took the coffee and closed the door. "I'm just on edge."

"That's why I'm here." Casey looked around. "This place looks nice. You got things put together really quickly."

"Elliot did all of this yesterday. I fell asleep and when I woke up…" She waved her hand around the room.

"I can see why you guys got into a fight. Looks like he's been a real slacker." Casey said, sarcasm evident in her voice. She moved around the chair and sat down, making herself comfortable. She took a sip of coffee and leveled a stare at Olivia as she sat on the couch across from her. "OK. I'm all ears. Tell me what happened."

Olivia didn't even really know where to start. She looked down at her cup and then took a small sip.

"So, you guys moved in yesterday…" Casey prompted.

Olivia nodded. "Yes. And Fin and Munch and even Cragen stopped by." Olivia proceeded to tell her about the conversation she'd overheard.

"And it pissed you off because you felt like Elliot was telling you that you couldn't go back to SVU." Casey said.

"Yes!"

"But didn't you tell me just two days ago that you were pretty sure you weren't going to go back?" Casey asked, a puzzled look on her face.

"Yes, but…" Olivia nodded. "You're missing the point. Being married doesn't mean he just gets to have the final say. He should be supporting me, in whatever way he can. I heard him tell them that he didn't want me going back. He doesn't need to be talking about it behind my back. And he's told me that to y face too."

"But he didn't say you _couldn't_ go back, did he? I mean, if you had really said you wanted to be a cop again, don't you think he would have done what he could to back you?"

"It's not just that Casey. It's just a lot of little things that made me think that he's questioning my judgment and my capability." She was getting herself worked up again.

Casey furrowed her brow. "Elliot's always been a little overbearing…"

Olivia interrupted her. "I felt like he wanted me to become someone else. Someone I'm not."

"And you told him that?"

"Yes, and he told me that wasn't true. "

"But you don't believe him?" Casey still had a puzzled look on her face.

Olivia knew that Casey knew both of them pretty well, and that's why she was a good person to talk to. She could see both sides. She ignored her question. "I told him that I thought maybe things were going a little too fast." She pointed to the ring on the table. "I took off my ring."

Casey raised an eyebrow. "What the hell?" she set her coffee down and leaned forward. "You don't want to marry him?" She shook her head. "I can't believe that."

"I just…I don't know why I said it or why I did it."

"Well, he can definitely be a pompous ass sometimes, thinking he knows what's best for everyone and in every situation." She had been in that position more than once in working with him. "But you knew that going in." Casey said. "And he has to know that you're strong-willed and independent. I can't see him wanting you to change. Those are the things he loves about you I'm sure. I've always been able to see how proud he is of you." She cocked her head. "Do you expect he's going to change?"

"No."

"So why are you surprised by his behavior?" she asked.

Olivia shook her head again. "I don't know. I'm not I guess. I …."

"You think you can't be a good wife and mother?" Casey asked.

Olivia looked at her sharply because the moment she said it, the words resonated with her. Maybe subconsciously, that's what had been at the base of everything. "What if I can't be? He's used to a certain kind of family. A certain kind of wife. I'm not like that."

"Are you joking right now? If that's what Elliot wanted, he would have stayed with what's-her-face. He loves you. Just the way you are." She looked back and forth between Olivia's eyes. "And as far as not being a good mother, that's crap. You're a great mother." She said. "And believe me, that child is not easy. I love her but she's the two of you rolled together and the way you handle her is amazing." She sat back with a smile on her face.

Olivia bit her bottom lip. She could see the look of smug satisfaction on her face at having presumably gotten to the crux of the problem.

"You make it sound so simple. Like the problem's solved." Olivia said.

"It's beyond me how you can be this smart, capable, independent woman, and Elliot can be this strong, resilient man, and yet the two of you can reduce each other to idiocy with just a few words. You need to stop overthinking everything and you need to remind Elliot that you're perfectly capable of taking care of things. It's not like you haven't reminded him of that a million times over the past twelve years. You need to remind him of who you are, and you need to remember who he is. And you both need to relax. Why can't you tell each other to back off like normal people? You both need to start really listening to what the other person is saying instead of trying to read hidden meaning into every damn thing." She laughed again. "I thought you told me that you two were talking about stuff for once in your life." she asked. "Seems like the same old shit to me. If this is the new, improved version of you two, I'm going to get a lot of late night calls."

Olivia picked up the ring from the table and fingered it.

"As for that, that was kind of a bitchy move. Poor guys' probably having a heart attack."

Olivia raised an eyebrow at her, not surprised by her direct comment.

"I can't believe you told him you thought things were going too fast. God Liv, this has been going on way too long. You know. I know it. And Elliot knows it. Put that ring back on your finger and marry the man and put him out of his misery."


	57. Chapter 57

AN: I just love all the reviews. You guys are so funny. This was one from Chapter 56. _"_ _Casey read her straight up like a novel lmao YASS CASEY YASSSS! This goes to show every girl like Olivia (and others) need a friend like Casey. They make you see the bigger picture and help you better understand it. This chapter is one big YASSSS. BTW Clare gotta go lol (Had to say it lmao)."_ You guys all make my day with every review you write. Thank you!

EOEOEOEOEO

Elise plopped down on the towel next to Elliot and he was thankful for the distraction. Clare had been asking him what seemed like a million questions, and Elliot had been as evasive as possible. He wasn't that big into sharing his life story with someone he didn't know.

He had hoped to stifle any continuing conversation by not asking _her_ any questions. But that didn't seem to stop her from divulging information he'd rather not know. He wasn't trying to be mean. She seemed like a nice person, but he just wasn't interested. She didn't seem to get the hint and Elliot started to wonder if she was divorced because her husband had caught her cheating. He was tempted to ask her.

"I'm hungry." Elise whined, pushing herself up on her knees. She pointed at the little boy who was now standing awkwardly by Elliot's feet. "Alex said he has candy and he wants to share it with me. Right Alex?" Elise asked and Alex looked at her and nodded.

Elliot shook his head. "Elise, that's not polite. Besides, we haven't even had lunch."

Elise stood up and walked over to where Alex was standing and took his hand in hers. "Alex is my boyfriend and he wants me to have his candy." She smiled at Alex and he just stood there, not reacting or responding in any way. "See?" she turned and smiled at Elliot and he shook his head. He hadn't enjoyed watching any of his daughters start dating, but he could tell this one was going to be the death of him.

"Elise…" He said in a disapproving tone. "Why don't you go play for a while and then we'll go get some lunch. We aren't going to have any candy right now."

Elise eyed him for a second, obviously trying to figure out if she could push him. Once she figured she couldn't, her smile faded and she started trudging back towards the water. Alex stood rooted in place.

"C'mon Alex." Elise said, tugging at his hand. Alex looked at Clare and she made a motion towards the water.

"Go ahead honey. Play with your little girlfriend."

"He doesn't have to." Elliot said. "Elise can be a little…strong-willed."

"She's adorable." Clare said. "She's going to be trouble when she's a little older. She's going to have all the boys wrapped around her little finger." She said, slapping Elliot lightly on the shoulder. "It's a good thing you're a cop. You can scare them away." She laughed lightly.

Elliot bit the inside of his cheek and plastered on a smile. He was already planning his escape. He was going to let Elise play with Alex for another thirty minutes…tops. Then he was going to make some excuse to leave, they would grab lunch, and then find a different spot afterwards. Something farther down the beach.

EOEOEOEOEO

"So, where's Elliot now?" Casey asked.

"He came home and grabbed Elise and took her to the beach." Olivia said. "He looked like hell."

"I can imagine." She said. "Where did he sleep last night?"

"I don't know." Olivia said.

"He didn't say?"

Olivia shook her head. "He didn't say a word. Just talked to Elise, and then told me they would be back later."

"Wow. That's harsh." Casey asked, rolling her coffee cup between her hands. "So what are you going to do now?"

"What can I do? I don't know where he is. I want to talk to him, but I'll have to wait until he gets home."

Casey cocked her head to the side. "Um…you could call him and ask him where he is."

"I don't think he'll answer. I might be ready to talk, but I'm not sure he is." She looked down at her phone and saw it was only 11AM. "I don't know if I can wait all day." If Elliot really planned on being home in time to put Elise to bed, then he wouldn't be back until 7 or 8.

"Well. You _are_ a detective. Use some of your detecting skills and track him down."

"What if he's still mad?"

"I'm sure he probably is." Casey acknowledged.

"And then I'm going to make him even more angry by showing up and trying to talk to him before he's ready? And in a public place?"

Casey sat up and set her coffee cup down on the table. "I swear. Sometimes even I don't know who you are." She looked intently at Olivia. "The woman I know would stride up to him, kiss him like you mean it, and tell him that you know exactly what you want. And that what you want is _him._ That he can be an overbearing asshole and that you're going to call him on his shit, but that there's nothing he can do that's going to scare you away. You love him just the way he is, and he damn well better love you just the way you are."

Her jaw dropped open slightly, listening to Casey's little speech. "I wouldn't say that." She said.

"Maybe that's the problem." She said. "Maybe you should." She leaned in again. "I know you have it in you. I've seen you handle the worst that society has to offer. I've seen you handle Stabler on the job. Why would you be any different now?"

Olivia hesitated a moment, and she could feel Casey's eyes trained on her. "I guess…I'm scared." She couldn't believe she had just said that out loud.

"You? Scared?" Casey said, a little awe in her voice. "Olivia, you're one of the toughest, bravest women I know."

"What if he's done with me?"

Casey shook her head. "I highly doubt that. Last night. Before he stormed out of here. What's the last thing he said to you?"

She thought back to their argument. "He told me to call him when I figured out what I wanted."

"Sounds like the balls in your court." Casey said. "Now get your ass in gear and get going. The sooner you find him, the sooner you guys can put this bs behind you." She stood up and snagged the ring off the coffee table. "You ready to put this back on?"

"I am, but I think maybe Elliot should be the one to decide."

"Bull." Casey said. "He already asked you once. And I'm pretty sure he never had any plans for you to take it off." She grabbed Olivia's left hand. "Olivia Benson. Will you marry Elliot Stabler and make me the happiest Maid of Honor alive?" She slid the ring on Olivia's finger and Olivia couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous she was being.

Casey shot her a dirty look. "Are you laughing at my proposal?"

Olivia laughed again, and the straightened the lines of her face, pretending to be serious. "I will." She held out her right hand with her little finger extended. "Pinky swear."

Casey intertwined her little finger with Olivia's and they both laughed at the childish gesture. Moments later, Olivia's laugh died out and she wrapped her arms around Casey. "Thank you." She whispered, any trace of humor gone as she hugged her friend. "You don't know how much I needed to talk this through. I knew I could rely on you to sort through all the bullshit and call me on my crap."

"It's not all your fault Liv." She said, as Olivia pulled back from the hug. "It's Elliot's too. You need to make sure you don't take all the blame."

"I won't." she said as she followed Casey to the door.

She paused before Olivia could open it. "I'm not going to send you a bill." She joked. "But I do expect a full report."

Olivia nodded. "I promise. Oh, and I'm sorry that I woke you up this morning. And for interrupting your _date_."

Casey started to open the door. "It's fine. It was time for him to go anyway."

Olivia held the door open as Casey stepped out into the hallway. "I think you're holding out on me now. Maybe you should stay a few extra minutes and fill me in."

Casey shook her head. "Another time." She waved towards the apartment. "Now quit stalling." She waved at Olivia and headed down the hallway.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot had been trying to ignore Clare but he couldn't help but notice her constant shifting on the towel next to him, the slathering of sunscreen on her bikini body, and the surreptitious stares in his direction when she thought he wasn't looking. What she didn't seem to know is that as a cop, he saw everything.

It wasn't that she wasn't a good looking woman. She absolutely was. She had long blonde hair streaked with highlights…from the sun or a bottle he didn't know. She had it pulled back in a ponytail and it gave her a youthful appearance. Her skin was fair, but she had a tan; more that she could have gotten today. She was wearing a pale green bikini, and while it wasn't the scantiest he had ever seen, it revealed enough. He didn't know if her constant shifting next to him was her efforts to get him to steal some glances her way, but it wasn't working. He wasn't interested and he felt bad that she was wasting her time on him.

The only woman on his mind was Olivia. And Clare could show him all the skin she wanted, but it would never compare to the bronzed skin beauty that had stolen his heart.

He let out a heavy sigh and Clare picked up on it.

"Everything OK?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"You're not much of a talker are you?" she asked.

"Guess not." He pushed himself up off the towel. "Excuse me. I'm going to go play with the kids." He ran down to the where Alex and Elise were digging in the sand, and he scooped each child in one of his arms and started charging for the water. The kids started kicking and squealing with delight, especially when he had waded thigh deep in the water and pretended like he was going to drop them in. He dipped down so they were in the water up to their knees before he swept them back up and headed back to the beach.

"Again. Again." Elise squealed. So Elliot scooped them up and did it again. And again. And again. After what seemed like an hour, he was spent. He set them down on the beach and collapsed in the sand.

"Bury him!" Elise said. "Bury him Alex!" Both kids started shoveling sand with their hands, covering his legs and then his arms. Elliot closed his eyes, enjoying the coolness of the wet sand and hearing the kids giggle. They were doing a pretty good job of covering him up, with the exception of a few errant grains of sand making their way into his nose and mouth. He was almost completely covered when he heard Elise let out a small squeal.

"Mommy!"

Elliot's eyes flew open and he turned in the direction Elise had run. The sun was shining in his eyes, but he saw her, squatting down next to Elise about twenty feet away. He saw Elise wrap her arms around her neck and Olivia hugged her back. She was looking at Elliot, but she had her Ray-Bans on, and with the sun coming from behind, he couldn't see the expression on her face or in her eyes.

Elise had let her go, running back over to Elliot and Alex, who was simply taking it all in. Olivia stood up and Elliot swallowed hard. She was wearing some kind of short, black swimsuit cover-up, but with the sun coming from behind her, he could see the outline of her body, and the fact that she was obviously wearing a bikini beneath it.

The woman did not play fair.

She started walking towards him, and he realized that cover-up must have some kind of shimmer to it because she almost looked like a mirage. He could hear Elise chattering in the background, and he didn't know if she was talking to him or to Alex. All of his focus was on her as she walked towards him.

He was surprised as hell to see her.

When she was finally standing next to him, he could see a small smile play across her lips. He realized that he hadn't moved, and he was still buried in the sand.

"We buried Daddy." Elise said. "He can't move."

"He's the dragon." Alex chimed in. "We captcha'd him."

"Dragon huh?" Olivia said. "He doesn't look so tough."

"He is. Be careful. He can breathe fire on you." Elise said.

Olivia smiled and knelt down in the sand next to him. She looked into his eyes, happy that he couldn't see hers. She didn't see any anger there. The only thing that she could identify was sheer surprise at seeing her there. She knew she'd caught him off-guard. She reached out and brushed a few grains of sand from his cheek. "It's a good thing I'm not afraid of dragons." She said quietly. "In fact, I love them." Then, to her own surprise, she leaned in and kissed him. In front of Elise and her little friend…in front of everyone on the beach.

"Is your mom a dragon slayer?" Alex asked in awe and Elliot wanted to laugh because the kids thought they were still playing the game. Elliot pushed up to free his arms from the sand and wrapped them around Olivia, pulling her down next to him on the sand. He leaned over and kissed her back and he heard a groan from Elise, who was sitting on the sand behind him.

"Nah. She's just a mom. But they do this all the time." She said. "It means the game is over." He heard her shuffling behind him and then he heard Elise tell Alex that they should go get is candy, and this time, he didn't mind. He watched as they trudged towards the towels, making sure they go there before he turned all of his attention to Olivia.

"How did you find me?" he asked, propping himself up on one elbow so he could look down at her.

"I used to be a pretty damn good detective." She teased.

"Yeah, but…"

"I didn't want to wait all day to talk to you." She said in a rush. "I'm sorry about the things I said, and I'm sorry that I took off my engagement ring. I never meant to make you think I don't want to marry you. I was just scared."

"But you're not scared anymore?" he asked.

She held up her left hand and the ring sparkled in the sunlight.

Elliot took her hand and kissed it, but he didn't release it. "I'm so sorry Liv. I know I have to share the blame."

"Yes, you do." She said. "And I can't tell you that I'm not scared. I am a little. But I never should have taken this off. As Casey said, that was a bitch move."

"Casey? Do I even want to know?"

"Yes, you do. El, we have a lot to talk about. We both have to share the blame for everything that's been going on. We should be working harder to talk things through before it gets this bad. But for now, the only thing you need to know is that you owe her. She's the one that told me to get my ass in gear and go get my man."

It sounded like Olivia had spent some time talking to Casey, and he was thankful she had that sounding board. He knew they had some work to do, but he was happy to see the ring back on her finger where it belonged. The rest could wait. She was right here with him now and he was going to savor it. "It's a nice ass." He said, sliding a hand down her lower back.

She placed a hand on his bicep, stopping his advances. "We're in public." She admonished lightly. "Elise is probably watching."

"And Clare."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "Clare?"

"Yeah, well you ditched me so I had to find a replacement. You're going to love her." He teased. He motioned towards the kids. "Elise and I both made a new friend today." He ran a hand through her hair. "I didn't have the heart to tell her that I only go for brunettes with dark skin and long legs and …"

Olivia pressed two fingers against his lips. "I'm dying to meet her." She was surprised that even though she knew he was teasing; she didn't feel her normal stab of jealousy.

Elliot started to extricate himself from the sand, and Olivia stood up. She flipped her Ray-Bans up and looked at the woman sitting on the towel next to a little blonde haired boy. Elise was sitting next to him and she started walking over. She felt Elliot's hand on the small of her back, and as they reached them, she saw the woman look up.

"Clare." Elliot said. "I'd like you to meet my wife Olivia."

Wife.

Olivia smiled and extended her hand. "It's nice to meet you." She slid her arm around Elliot's waist, wrapping her hand against his warm skin. She knew she was being territorial as hell, but, in Casey's words, she came here to get her man, so…that's what she was doing. "I appreciate you keeping him company since I couldn't be here." She pasted on a smile and could see Clare blanch slightly. She'd gotten the message.

Elliot was taken and her presence was no longer required. Or desired.

She dropped her hand slightly and dug her fingers into his hip, still smiling at Clare.

 _Mine._

"Well, we really have to get going." Clare said, suddenly standing up. "We have to get some lunch and…" Her voice trailed off slightly.

Elise jumped up when she heard the adults talking. "I don't want Alex to go." She said. "We're having fun."

Elliot scooped her up. "It's time for Alex to go." He said. _And Clare_. "We'll have some fun with Mommy."

He wrapped his arm around Olivia's shoulders as they watched Clare and Alex make their way down the beach.

Olivia looked up at Elliot. "She looked disappointed." She teased. "I don't think she was happy to see me."

"Yeah, well I'm happy to see you." He said, leaning in for a kiss.

"Elise sandwich. Elise sandwich." Elise squealed, and they both wrapped their arms around her and hugged. Olivia looked up at Elliot.

"I'm sorry." He mouthed.

"Me too." She whispered.

He released them both and they set Elise down to finish her snack. Elliot took Olivia's left hand and looked at the ring. He trailed his eyes back up to hers.

"So Mrs. Stabler, are you hungry?"

"Mrs. Stabler? I was thinking about Ms. Benson-Stabler."

Elliot groaned and pulled her against him. He kissed her forehead and looked down at her. "We'll talk."


	58. Chapter 58

AN: Hi readers. Sorry if this chapter is a mess. The others were flowing so well and this one was really a struggle. But I needed to get it out and move on. Thanks.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot took lunch orders and headed off to one of the small restaurants on the boardwalk to get the food. He was walking back across the sand, balancing the food and drinks, when he stopped cold. He saw Olivia had shed her swimsuit cover-up and was lying on her towel. Elise was on the other side of her, giving him full access to her profile. She had her arms at her side and her right leg was bent at the knee, her foot planted on the sand. She had her eyes closed and her face tilted up towards the sun, and she knocked the breath right out of him. He could tell it wasn't as revealing as the suit Clare had been wearing, but she was wearing the hell out of it and he felt a rush of heat rush course through his body at the sight of all that bronzed skin.

He swore silently under his breath. It was going to be a long afternoon until he could get her back to their apartment…

As he watched, a football landed near her feet and she jumped. Some guy ran over and picked it up and he saw her shield her eyes as she looked up at him. He saw the guy was saying something to her, and he could her laugh from where he was standing. He watched as she propped herself up on her elbows and he could see she was talking to him. He pointed down the beach and he saw her eyes follow his arm. He was about to walk over when he saw Elise pop up and crawl over to her mother.

He smiled himself, thinking that the sight of a child would scare the guy off. He couldn't be out of his twenties yet; and he looked like he spent a fair amount of time at the beach. And the gym. He frowned when he saw the Elise give him a high five. She crawled back to what she was doing and then he saw Olivia was talking again. Whatever he said, she nodded and a few seconds later, he took off with a wave and Olivia lay back down on her towel.

"Hey." He said, dropping to his knees next to her. "Help me out here."

Olivia sat up quickly and grabbed the bottles of water from where he had them hugged to his body in the crook of his arm. She set them down on the towel and then grabbed the sandwiches.

"Who was that?" he asked.

"Who was who?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. She knew exactly who he was talking about, but she was really interested in seeing how he played this. She'd been pretty cool about Clare, especially considering it was clear that they'd been beach mates for several hours. She knew it had been all Clare's doing and she really couldn't blame her. The man was all muscle, and if she had seen him sitting here by himself in just his swim trunks…well, she was pretty sure she would have taken notice too. Olivia couldn't blame a girl for trying. She thought she'd done a pretty good job of keeping her jealousy in check. She would be interested to see if he could do the same.

"That guy that stopped to talk to you." He said.

"He just stopped to apologize. His friend threw a football and he missed it and it almost hit me." Olivia said, lying back down on the towel.

"I'm pretty damn sure that he missed it on purpose." Elliot said with a small laugh. "I would have done something like that back in the day if I saw a pretty girl I wanted to talk to."

"God, your cynical. He was just a kid. He's not interested in me."

"I'm pretty sure he was. He wouldn't have stopped if he wasn't. I'm sure he's not the only one that's sneaking peeks in your direction." He saw her shake her head as she laughed. "Especially in that suit. Jeez."

Olivia laughed again. She knew the suit looked good on her, but she wasn't under any illusion that she wasn't in the same shape she was when she was in her twenties. "There's a million young, beautiful girls out here in smaller suits than this. I don't think a lot of young guys want a woman with stretch marks and C-section scars."

Elliot raised an eyebrow at her. If she had stretch marks, he'd never seen one. He let his eyes trail down the length of her body, and the only thing he saw was a lot of dark skin and curves. Olivia always downplayed her looks and sometimes he wondered if she really knew how gorgeous she really was. "You can't tell me that guy wasn't hitting on you."

"Who cares?" She leaned in to give him a quick kiss. "He won't be the first and won't be the last. I've got the one I want."

EOEOEOEOEO

After lunch, the three of them played in the sand and the ocean, taking breaks periodically for a snack, or to simply lie in the sun and snooze a little.

Now was one of those lazy times. Elise was playing with her dolls under the umbrella and Elliot was lying between Elise and Olivia. Olivia had her eyes closed, and Elliot slid his hand next to hers and intertwined their fingers together. He felt the ring on her hand and smiled. He looked over at Olivia, wondering if she was sleeping.

"I'm really glad you showed up here today."

Olivia didn't even open her eyes, but he saw a small smile on her lips. "Me too." She hesitated a beat. "I wasn't sure you'd be happy to see me."

"I was." He said. Their intertwined hands were close to the top of her thigh, and Elliot brushed the back of his hand against her skin. "I am." He said, loosening his fingers from hers and running them back and forth.

He started to trail his fingers over the top of her thigh and she placed her hand on top of his to keep him from moving any farther; just in case he had forgotten they were in public. She turned her head to look at him. "I can tell." She smiled.

"You know…" The squeezed her thigh gently. "The best part about fighting is making up."

She slid his hand back down to the towel, resting her hand on top of his. "We still have a lot to talk about. I don't know that we're at the making up stage."

Elliot could still see a small smile on her lips as she closed her eyes and turned back to face the sun. "Yeah, you're probably right." He called her bluff and closed his eyes, mirroring her pose. He was surprised when she didn't say anything in reply, but a few seconds later, he had to bite back a smile as she lifted his hand and put it back on top of her thigh.

EOEOEOEOEO

They had packed up all of their beach things and started heading back towards the car. Elise was skipping down the boardwalk just ahead of them, and Elliot and Olivia had their hands full.

Olivia stopped. "I just remembered we have two cars."

"Ae, shit." Elliot said, stopping. "We can't leave one here. It will get towed." They had been having such a great day, and we didn't want to split up for the ride home. With summer traffic coming from Long Island into the city, he knew the commute would be an hour. Or more.

'Yeah. I guess we don't have much of a choice."

"I'll walk you to your car and dump our stuff and then I'll take Elise. I have a feeling she'll fall asleep on the way home, and you can't carry her upstairs."

"I'm ready to fall asleep." Olivia said. "I didn't sleep well last night and with all the sun today."

"Well, you'd better get some coffee because I've got plans for you tonight."

Olivia turned and smiled at him. "I thought we already had this discussion."

"Get your mind out of the gutter." He said. "I meant we had to talk."

"Yeah, right." Olivia said. She turned her attention back to the boardwalk in front of them. She saw Elise was getting a little too far ahead of them, and she called out to her.

"I'll get her." Elliot said, taking a few jogging steps to catch up with her. She watched as Elliot shifted the things he was carrying into one arm and reached down, taking her hand. She saw Elise look up at him and she wished she could freeze this moment forever…Elise's small hand dwarfed in his and the profile of both of them looking at each other…her small face upturned towards him and the smile on his face as he looked back down at her. For a day that had started out so horribly, the ending was almost perfect.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot carried Elise into the apartment and straight into her bedroom. He was thankful that Olivia had thought to take off her suit and redress her before the drive home. She could sleep in her little shorts and tank top. He lay her on the bed, slipped off her sandals and covered her up. He kissed her gently and then turned on the nightlight. With any luck, she'd sleep until morning.

He was counting on it.

He slipped out of Elise's room and listened for Olivia. He could hear her rummaging around in the kitchen and he headed in that direction. She had her back to him, and he saw her rummaging around in the refrigerator. She stood up then and he saw her open a bottle of water and take a long drink from it. His eyes trailed down her frame as he walked up from behind her. He placed one hand on each of her hips, pulling her body back against his. He rested his chin on her shoulder.

"You've been driving me crazy all day long. It's a special kind of torture to look and not touch." He whispered into her ear.

She pushed her butt back into him. "Tell me about it." He'd paraded around on the beach all damn day with his swim trunks slung low on his hips and it was all she could do not to trace the ridges of the muscles in his abdomen…trail her fingers down…

Elliot slid his hands down the outside of her thighs and then back up, dragging the material of her cover-up with them. His hands reached the sides of her bikini bottoms and he dipped his thumbs between the material and her skin.

"Whadd'ya say we lose these?" He said gruffly. He wasn't in the mood for foreplay. As far as he was considered, the whole damn day…from the minute she showed up at the beach until he watched her get into her car…had been one long slow burn.

Olivia shivered slightly; feeling the thrum in her belly from the way he was handling her and the rumble in his voice. She knew this mood; he was going to fuck her and it would be hard and a little rough. He wasn't going to do anything to hurt her; he would make sure she was ready to take him. But take her he would. Before she could say anything, he tugged her bottoms down over her hips.

"El." The word came out more like a moan than she'd intended. "Elise…"

"Sleeping." He said roughly. He hitched his hands in the waistband of his swim trunks, releasing his semi hard cock and dropping them to the floor. He kicked them off. He closed the small space between them, lifted the hem of her cover up and lifted it up over her head. She had no choice but to comply. As soon as her arms were free, he wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her slightly, dragging her bikini bottoms from around her ankles with his foot. He set her back down on the floor, and pressed his forming erection against her bare ass. He moved her over to the counter, not wanting to waste another minute.

He hesitated for a second. Over the course of their relationship, now and before, their sex life had been varied. They'd spent hours making love but sometimes they just fucked. Many times they did both; after that first frenzied release, they could take their time. Tonight, he wasn't in the mood for slow. His desire for her was almost debilitating and he just needed to be buried deep inside of her. If she wanted him to stop, she would say so. And he would.

"Grab the counter."

His voice was a deep rumble and Olivia felt goosebumps break out against her skin. She'd never been one to let someone dominate her like this, but this was Elliot. There was a thrill to letting go because she knew he'd never hurt her.

Apparently she didn't comply with his request quite quick enough and Elliot loosened his arm from around her waist and ran his hands down her arms until he reached her hands. He circled his hands around her wrists and planted her hands on the counter. He trailed his hands back up her arms while he pressed kisses along her shoulder. His mouth moved to the back of her neck and he grabbed the tie of her swimsuit top with his teeth. He tugged at it while his hands grabbed the ties around the middle of back. Two seconds later, her top was lying on the floor at her feet.

Elliot slid his hands around her torso and grabbed her hips, pulling her back against his body again. He ground his erection against her ass, sliding one hand lower on her abdomen. She closed her eyes, letting her head fall back against his shoulder. He slid his hands up and cupped her breasts in his hands, squeezing them. He hands were rough and when he ran his thumbs over her erect nipples, she felt a flood of heat in her body…between her legs. She wanted him to slide his fingers down and feel how wet she was for him; he was the only man who had this effect on her. She was already clenching her thighs together in anticipation…

Elliot nipped at the skin on her shoulder and she let out a small sound. His right hand slid off her breast and flattened out across her rib cage, squeezing gently.

"Put your hands on the counter." He demanded and it was on her tongue to argue that he was the one who had pulled her back. But he used the hand on her ribs to propel her forward and she braced herself on the counter. He knocked her legs apart slightly with his knee.

"You wet for me?" he grumbled in her ear and her head rolled down so it was hanging down slightly. She didn't answer him, but she felt the cool air on her backside as he took a step backwards, his erection still grazing her ass. He slid his right hand down her side and then over her ass and she braced herself. A few seconds later, she felt his fingers slide down between her cheeks, fingering her slightly before he slid his fingers across her entrance. She arched her back as he penetrated her slightly and she let out a long, low moan.

"You're not getting off like that tonight."

The throaty sound of his voice was making her tremble slightly and she waited to see exactly what he was going to do. He dipped his fingers in her wet heat once again, and then slid them up and over her clit. Once. Twice.

"Fuck." She growled. "Don't stop." She commanded as his fingers left her body.

"I already told you…only one way you're getting off and that's with me buried inside of you." He grabbed his erection in his fist and lined up at her entrance. "You ready for me?"

Olivia swallowed hard…this was going really fast. "El…"

He pushed at her entrance and felt her body's resistance. He pushed inside slightly and waited for her to adjust to him. Olivia lifted her head and looked back at him. She widened her stance slightly as she stared at him, and then she gave him a sultry smile. "I can take whatever you got." She said with a deep rumble.

Elliot watched as she turned back around. He placed his hands on her hips and hesitated only a second before he pushed slowly inside of her. They both let out a simultaneous groan as he filled her completely, and Elliot dug his fingers into her hips as he felt her walls gripping him like a vice.

"FUCK." He swore. "You feel so fucking good."

Olivia pushed her ass back. "You gonna talk or fuck me?" she asked. He may have started this entire thing but now that they were in the heat of it, she was going to make damn sure he delivered.

Her words shot through him and he pulled out almost completely before he slammed back into her. She wasn't prepared for it and her arms buckled. He held her in place with his hands and didn't give her any time to recover. He saw her fold her arms and brace herself as best she could as he fucked into her again. Just the slight change in angle gave him just a little more room and he heard a loud moan escape from her lips.

"Right there." She choked out. At this angle, he was hitting her just right. The room was filled with their moans and the sound of skin slapping against skin. Every stroke brought immeasurable pleasure coursing through her. Olivia felt her body start to tremble…he was so deep and she knew she wasn't going to last much longer.

"Don't you dare come…" Elliot said, his voice a deep rumble.

Her breath hitched slightly. "Elliot…" she gasped out. "I can't…" She wasn't going to be able to stop it.

He pulled out of her roughly and she gasped again. She lifted her head to look at him. He grabbed her upper arm and spun her around. He tangled his fingers through her hair and kissed her, opening her mouth with his. She dug her fingers into his hips as he swiped his tongue across hers but she fought him. She had been so close and she wanted him between her legs again. At this point, she didn't care if it was his fingers or his mouth or his cock. She wrenched her mouth from his and pushed at his chest, surprising him so he had to take a step back. "You better finish what you started." She said, fire flashing in her eyes.

He slid an arm around her waist and pulled her up against his body, trapping his erection between them. "I'm gonna finish, and I'm going to make you come so hard." He bit down on her earlobe as he whispered the words in her ear and she felt another tremble wrack her body. He slid his other arm around her and lifted her up, and she had no choice but to wrap her legs around him. He started to move out of the kitchen and into the living room and she let out a sound of protest; she didn't want to take him lying down. But he bypassed the furniture and headed for the table and chairs.

"The table. Yeesss." She moaned. "Hurry."

Elliot surprised her by sitting down in one of the chairs. She dropped her legs as he sat down and her feet hit the floor. Two seconds later, his hands were on her hips and he was lifting her up. She grasped his shoulders and held herself up, watching as he grabbed his erection. She aligned herself and slid down his shaft slowly…both of them groaning once again.

"Fuck Liv." Elliot said, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." He'd wanted this to last, but she was so goddamned tight, especially at this angle. She was clenching her muscles around him. He held her in place for a moment, trying to gain some semblance of control. A few seconds later, he opened his eyes and saw she had her eyes closed too. He loosened his grip on her hips and slid his hands up to her breasts. He squeezed them and then ran his tongue over her nipples. Her mouth flew open as he bit down lightly, and he felt her clench around him again.

Olivia pushed herself back up with her feet and then slid down the length of him. He let go of her breast with an audible pop, and his hands went back to her hips, guiding her movements as she slid up and down his shaft. She was working hard and her chest was flushed; her breasts were bobbing with each movement and he grabbed her neck and pulled her forward, trying to get his mouth on hers. She twisted her head, her breathing labored.

"So close..." She gasped, her body clenching.

Elliot reached down between their bodies and teased her clit with his fingers. It was only a few seconds later that her orgasm tore through her. She dug her fingers into his shoulders, trying to ride it out. Her legs were like jelly and her body collapsed heavily down onto his; she clamped her eyes shut and her head fell backwards as the sensations continued to ripple through her body.

Elliot dug his fingers into her thighs as her orgasm triggered his own and she was clamped like a vise around him as he released himself inside of her. She clutched at his shoulders as he pulsed inside of her and she was gasping for breath as she tried to gain control of her body. She fell against him, her breasts smashed against his chest, and he buried his face in her hair.

"God Liv." He mumbled between his ragged breaths. He ran his hands up her bare back and felt her shiver. He smiled as he did it again; he loved the reaction of her body in his hands.

Olivia clenched her muscles around him and he let out a small laugh, having received the message. She turned her head slightly so she could look at him. "You were right." She mumbled, her breathing still ragged.

"About what?" he asked.

"Make-up sex is the best." She smiled, closing her eyes. She was absolutely spent. The muscles in her thighs were screaming at her, but she couldn't find the energy to move. She was happy right where she was.

"Oh baby, we're not even close to being done. That was a pretty serious fight, so we still have some making up to do."

Olivia's eyes popped open. "Baby?"

Elliot saw the fire in her eyes.

"Since when do you call me baby?" She said, trying to keep a serious expression on her face. She ground herself against his lap, with him still buried deep inside of her. "You're going to pay for that Stabler."

A slow, lazy smile cross his face. "Bring it on. Baby."


	59. Chapter 59

_Hi readers! I'm laughing at your reviews because someone commented "so much for being gentle with her" and another wrote something about her and cravings, and I'd literally already written this first part of the story. You guys are on point! Thanks for the reviews!_

EOEOEOEO

Olivia and Elliot lay in a sweaty heap on the bed, a loose sheet tangled around their legs. They had made a half-hearted attempt to make the bed, but it was really nothing more than a loose sheet spread haphazardly before Elliot laid her out beneath him.

Olivia traced a mark low on Elliot's neck, and she knew she probably had marks on her body too. The way Elliot had been digging his fingers into her hips was sure to leave bruises. She was deliciously sore all over.

"What are you thinking about?" Elliot asked as he held her against his body.

"I'm thinking that I'm glad you're done treating me like I'm some fragile doll that's going to break if I exert myself in any way." It wasn't that she minded slow and gentle, but the last time they'd made love, she had been somewhat frustrated by how overly cautious he was being.

Elliot rolled over on his side towards her, forcing her onto her back. He ran a hand down her cheek. "I guess I got a little carried away." He looked down her body, smoothing his hand down her arm. "I couldn't help myself." He rested his hand on her hip. "You feel OK?"

She placed her palm against his chest. "I'm fine."

Elliot raised an eyebrow at her. "Just fine?" He smirked at her.

Olivia shook her head slightly and smiled. She was happy to hear him teasing her; he wasn't apologizing and he wasn't giving her the third degree about how she was feeling. She couldn't resist teasing him back. She shrugged her shoulders, looking disinterested. "Yeah, just fine."

Elliot narrowed his eyes at her and slid his hand down the outside of her thigh, pulling it up and wrapping it around his hips. "What can I do to make you feel better?" He rocked his hips into her lightly.

Olivia slid her hand around the back of his neck. She gave him a sultry smile and pulled his towards her. Her lips ghosted over his. "You can get some ice cream for me." She whispered. She released his neck as he slapped her ass lightly.

"You're thinking about _food_?"

"In my defense, I _am_ pregnant."

"OK. You get a pass. One bowl of ice cream coming up." Elliot disentangled himself from her and climbed off the bed. As he turned towards the door, he heard Olivia let out a quiet wolf whistle. He stopped and turned to look at her, and he saw her raise an eyebrow as her eyes trailed down his body. "You changing your mind? Because you know I'm here only to serve you." He teased.

"Hmmm." Olivia pretended to think about it, but the truth was that she was exhausted and sore and except for the rumbling in her stomach, completely sated. "No."

Elliot reached down and grabbed the sheet from around her feet and wrapped it around his waist. "Fine. I'll remind of your choices the next time…"

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia walked into the squad room and saw Munch and Fin at their desks. Elliot and Tony's desks were empty, and she was a little disappointed that they weren't there.

"Hey guys." She said, stopping by Fin's desk.

Fin looked up from the report on his desk. "Hey Liv."

Munch stood up and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "You here to steal me away from all this?" He swept his free arm around the room. "Did you finally wise up and realize I'm a better catch than Stabler?"

Olivia laughed. "Sorry John. I _am_ leaving Elliot, but I'm going to run off with Fin."

Fin leaned back in his chair and smiled as Munch dropped his arm. "You're making a mistake, but then again, you never did have good taste." He teased as he moved back to his desk.

Olivia pretended to be upset and then looked around. "Speaking of Elliot…"

Fin sat up in his chair. "Should be back any minute."

Olivia sat down in Elliot's chair to wait for him. She looked at the photos on his desk, seeing photos of his kids, including a snapshot of her and Elise. She picked up a frame with a photo of her and Elliot from early in their partnership. She thought maybe their second or third year as partners. It was a candid photo, snapped one night at some bar or party. She couldn't remember. She couldn't believe how young they looked. That seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Hey."

Olivia looked up and saw Elliot standing next to her. He leaned over and looked at the photo. "It's one of my favorite photos of us." He said. "I always look at it and wonder if I was in love with you then…if I knew what was coming."

She looked back at the photo with new eyes, finding his comment interesting. "What did you decide?"

"Hmmm. I haven't." He picked it out of her hands and set it back down on the desk. "What're you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too." She said with a smile.

"You know I didn't mean it like that." He knew she'd spent the past two weeks meeting with several people, discussing different job options. He hadn't asked a lot of questions. He was letting her sort it out; giving her some space. He knew when she was ready to talk about it, she would.

They had talked a lot over the past two weeks, and they seemed to have some new level of understanding. Things had been going really well. They were unpacked and settled, Olivia was feeling great, the last doctor's visit had shown everything was going progressing normally, they had a new routine, and Elliot's caseload had been surprisingly light. He'd been home more evenings for dinner than not, and he thought that was good progress.

"I was wondering if I could take you out to lunch." She stood up and pushed his chair back.

Fin looked over at them and interrupted. "Liv! What the hell? You just got done telling me you were runnin' away with me and now you're taking this clown out for lunch?" He threw his pen down on his desk. "I can get used like this by any woman. I don't need this. Sorry, but we're over." He had an absolute deadpan expression on his face as he stood up and walked out of the room, and Olivia bit back a smile at the confused look on Elliot's face.

"What the hell was that?" he asked and he turned when he heard John laugh.

"Nothing to worry about." Olivia said, looping her arm through his. She loved Fin and loved how he liked to give Elliot a hard time. "Now, are going to go to lunch with me? This may be one of your last chances before start my new job." She said, a smile creeping across her face.

Elliot spun her towards him. "A job?"

She nodded.

"Congratulations." He said, pulling her into a hug.

Cragen walked out of his office. "Hey…hey. Not in the squad room." He said with a smile.

Elliot released her and slid his hand in hers. "I'm going out to lunch. Be back in an hour." He started tugging Olivia out of the squad room and she waved as they walked out.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia stepped out of the shower and stepped up to the mirror, wiping away from the fog. She toweled her hair to get some of the moisture out, waiting for the steam to dissipate. She squirted some lotion into her hands, and smoothed it over her chest and down her torso. When she got to her stomach, she stopped. She looked down, running her hands over the tiny bulge. She was surprised, because she was only 15 weeks along. This was earlier than she had started showing with Elise, but the doctor had told her that may happen. Apparently your body remembered the drill. She smiled and turned so she could see her profile in the mirror. It was barely there, but she could definitely tell the difference in her own body.

She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her body. She opened the bathroom door and saw Elliot sprawled out on the bed, still sleeping. He had gotten in around 3AM, and hadn't stirred when her alarm went off at 6.

It was her third week at her new job, doing pretty much what she'd been doing before, and they were just settling into this new routine. She usually got going early in the morning and Elliot dropped Elise at school on his way into the precinct, since it was much more likely that he wouldn't be able to pick her up in the afternoon. Her work was just the opposite; often she was meeting up with victims after a long night in the exam room, talking to them about resources that were available to them, helping them wade through the legal process, and just listening. Most often, by 3PM, the women were beyond exhausted and she'd (hopefully) leave them in the hands of their loved ones.

Elliot wouldn't be dropping Elise off today. She walked over towards the bed, anxious to show him her small baby bump. It was amazing that just three days ago, he'd commented on her lack of one as he'd kissed his way down her body. She looked down at her stomach and smiled at the thought of what came after that conversation…

"What's up?"

She heard his sleepy voice and she looked back up at him. She hadn't noticed the change in his breathing; hadn't realized he was awake. She saw he had his eyes open and was staring at her. He reached out and grabbed her hand.

"I want to show you something." She said, reaching for the towel.

"I'm pretty sure I've seen this before, but I like where this is going." He pulled her towards the bed and she fell half on, half off of him. He rolled her over on her back and tugged at the knot, opening up her towel. He was exhausted, but he was never going to give up an opportunity to make love to his soon-to-be wife. He placed the palm of his hand on her chest and felt her heart beating. He placed a kiss on her shoulder, and started to slide his hand down her body. He had barely moved his hand when she wrapped her fingers around it. He lifted his head and looked at her, raising an eyebrow in question.

She gave him a small smile and lifted his hand, moving it down to her stomach. He didn't understand at first; thinking she was just trying to move things along. She pressed her hand into his, and it hit him then. He smoothed his hand back and forth along her stomach and he looked up at her and smiled.

"I didn't notice this the other day." He said. "But I have to admit, my mind was elsewhere."

"I just popped." Olivia said. "Today is the first day I noticed it. I mean, my pants were getting a little tighter, but this just happened overnight." She propped herself up on her elbows as she watched Elliot smooth his hand back and forth over her belly.

Elliot leaned backwards and grabbed his phone off the nightstand. "Let's take a photo."

She grabbed the phone out of his hand. "No!" She said in a horrified tone. "You're not going to take a picture. I'm naked!"

Elliot wiggled his eyebrows at her. "What's the problem?"

"I'm not letting you have a naked photo of me on your phone. Are you crazy?" They had spent their careers watching people do stupid things like that.

"You took pictures when you were pregnant with Elise." Elliot said, trying to rationalize his request.

"I was wearing leggings and a bra."

"Yeah, yeah." Elliot said. He didn't try to wrestle the phone from her. Instead, he crawled over her, and placed a pressed his lips into her neck. He placed gentle kisses down her chest, working his way down her breasts and her abdomen. He settled himself between her legs and placed gentle kisses all over her belly, whispering against her skin.

"What are you saying?" Olivia asked, not able to make out what he was saying.

Elliot looked up at her and saw her looking down at him. "I'm telling our baby how excited I am to meet him and how much I love his mother."

"Him? You're on that again?" she asked.

"It's a boy Liv. I know it is." For some reason, he had been convinced of it since she'd told him she was pregnant.

"We'll see."

"Do you want to find out? You have another ultrasound in a few weeks."

Olivia pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth, thinking about it. She shook her head. "I don't think so. Do you?"

"Not really." He was kind of old-fashioned that way. Having a baby was a miracle to him, this one more than any other, and he liked the mystery and surprise of finding out at the birth. He placed another kiss on her stomach, and started trailing his tongue lower. "As long as I'm down here…."

EOEOEOEO

Olivia was feeling fantastic. She'd had an ultrasound just a couple of weeks ago and everything with the baby looked great. She'd just finished her 20-week checkup, amazed that she was already halfway through her pregnancy. She had just left the doctor, and had called to give Elliot an update, since he hadn't been able to go with her. Once she was done talking to him, she headed off to meet Casey for lunch.

She decided to walk. The restaurant was just a little over 16 blocks away and she had the time. Even though it was only mid-September, the air was crisp and cool despite the bright sun. Autumn was her favorite time of year, when the heat of the summer had finally dissipated, and it was bearable to be outside again.

She and Elliot had been getting along really well. Remarkably well. They hadn't really fought about anything since that terrible night she'd taken off her engagement ring. He had been caring and attentive, with none of the overbearing tendencies that had peppered their partnership and relationship. As a result, she'd been more at ease, and she felt like things were moving in the right direction. Elise had even made some new friends, and Elliot had signed her up to be in a karate class with her friend Lucy.

She smiled. She was happy.

Her hand dropped to her belly. It had really grown in the past five weeks, and she had start to wear maternity jeans and larger shirts. Elliot would take a photo of her tonight and add it to the scrapbook they had started. He was so excited, and it had been fun to share this experience with him.

Elise, on the other hand…well, she was coming around slowly. A few weeks ago, she had poked Olivia's belly and told her she was getting fat. Olivia reminded her about the new baby.

Olivia smiled as she remembered the conversation.

" _El, Mommy's getting fat because of the baby in her tummy."_

 _Elliot had pulled her onto his lap, and they were sitting across from Olivia. "Aren't you getting excited about being a big sister?"_

" _No. My friend James's mom just had a baby and he said it cries all the time and he's stinky." She plugged her nose with her fingers._

 _Olivia cocked her head and pressed her lips together. Elise always had all these tidbits of information from her friends. Apparently, 4-year-olds are the experts on everything. "Well, that's too bad because I think you're going to be an amazing big sister. I was really counting on your help." Olivia had said, appealing to ego._

" _I don't know. Maybe." She said. "If we don't like it maybe we can give it to Lucy. She wants a little brother."_

 _Elliot looked up at Olivia and shrugged his shoulders, unsure of what to say. He didn't want to push it too much. They had many months for her to get used to the idea. Before he could say anything else, she had asked if she could go play and that had been the end of it._

Olivia realized she had reached the restaurant, and when she walked in, she saw Casey was already seated. She was on the phone, and she signaled for Olivia to hold on a second while she finished the call. Olivia ordered something to drink and Casey hung up.

"Was that Andrew?" she teased. She loved to give her shit about her latest boyfriend. It seemed her friend was falling in love, and it was fun to turn the tables, asking about all the intimate details, just as Casey had done to her over the years.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia came out of the bathroom in her leggings and a black sports bra. She saw Elliot was sitting on the bed, holding the camera.

"Ready?" he said. She had gotten a bit bigger in the past 5 weeks, and her belly was really noticeable now.

Olivia nodded and turned to the side. She slid her pants down low, under her bump, and placed one hand beneath and one hand above. She looked straight ahead as Elliot snapped some photos. Then she looked right at him as he snapped a few more.

"Turn towards me."

Olivia turned to face him. "You can't see it from the front."

"Put your hands on your belly, like you were before." He said, holding the camera up to his eye. Olivia did as he asked. "Now look down." Olivia dropped her head slightly, her hair falling gently around her face. Elliot froze, just watching her. She looked absolutely amazing to him and he was in awe that this was happening for them. He swallowed hard, but then he put the camera back to his eye and snapped a few photos.

After he had taken a few, Olivia lifted her eyes to him, and she saw a small smile grace her lips. He took a few more shots, and then put the camera down. She lifted her head and just looked at him.

"Are you done?" she asked quietly.

"Come 'ere." He said, holding out his hand.

Olivia walked over and he put his hands on her hips, pulling her forward so she was standing between his legs. He placed a gentle kiss on her belly and then ran his hands up her sides. He slid them down and rested them in the dip of her waist. His eyes trailed up until they met hers.

"You're so beautiful Olivia." He said. He paused for a second and let out his breath slowly. "Sometimes, I just can't believe we're here."

She smiled, running her hand through his short-cropped hair. "I know. Some mornings I look in the mirror and I see my swollen belly and the ring on my finger and I have to pinch myself to make sure this is real."

Elliot slid his hands around her back and pulled her close, burying his face against her breasts. "I love you."

Olivia wrapped her arms around him as best she could and held him tight against her. "I love you too."

Elliot pulled back slightly and looked up at her. "Things have been so good Liv. I never imagined…I mean, I hoped…"

Olivia looked down at him. "I know. I'm really happy. Happier than I've ever been."

"Good. Me too."

Olivia drew in a deep breath. "I think I'm ready…"

"Ready? Ready for what?" Elliot asked.

"To set a date."

Elliot looked at her in surprise. "For the wedding?" He hadn't asked her again, not wanting to pressure her. He knew she'd figure it out and tell him when she was ready…and here they were.

"Yes, for the wedding. What did you think I was referring to?"

"I don't know. I guess I just thought it might be a while."

"Well, if you're not ready…" she teased.

"Liv, if it were up to me, I would have dragged you to the church on the day I proposed." He pulled her down on the bed and crawled over her, resting on his forearms so he didn't crush her. "Just tell me the date, and I'll be there."


	60. Chapter 60

AN: Thanks for all of your reviews, and your pushes to get an updated posted. Sorry for the delay!

EOEOEOEO

Elise interrupted them before any more conversation could take place on the subject of the wedding, and Olivia was actually grateful for the interruption. As she helped Elise get a snack, she couldn't get Elliot's words out of her head.

" _Liv, if it were up to me, I would have dragged you to the church on the day I proposed."_

Church. _Of course Elliot would want to get married in a church._ The thought really hadn't occurred to her; mostly because she'd been thinking about married life and not about the wedding itself. She had just assumed it would be a quick affair; a ten minute ceremony in front of a judge. When she was younger, she'd had thoughts about a wedding with all the bridesmaids and a flowing white dress, but even then, her fantasy wedding hadn't taken place in a church. She hadn't been raised with any organized religion, and she never spent a lot of time including that in any of her plans.

The more she thought about it, the more she was surprised that Elliot hadn't brought up the subject of religion with regards to Elise. She knew he had that strong, Catholic upbringing and equally strong beliefs, yet he hadn't even asked if Elise was baptized. The more she thought about it, the more she was surprised by it. She wanted to ask him, but there was a part of that didn't want to open up that can of worms because she wasn't sure how she felt about the whole thing.

"Mommy!" Olivia heard a protest from Elise as she poured her glass of milk to overflowing. "You made a mess."

Olivia grabbed a towel and wiped it up. "Sorry about that." She said as she dabbed at Elise's pajamas. "Take a sip and then we'll get you some new pajamas."

EOEOEOEO

Two more weeks passed before the subject of the wedding came up again.

Olivia could tell that Elliot was obviously exhausted and in a little bit of a foul mood when he came home from work. She chalked it up to another long week at the precinct. He'd been on the tail of a sex trafficking ring and she'd barely seen him.

Elise was asleep and had been for about two hours. Elliot was stretched out on the couch, watching one of the baseball playoff games, and Olivia was sitting in the recliner next to him, reading through a book of baby names.

"How about Alexis?" she asked.

Elliot shrugged his shoulders. "Eh."

"Samantha?"

"Samantha Stabler? No." He never even turned from watching the game to look at her.

"Samantha Benson Stabler. We could call her Sam." She knew she probably shouldn't tease him tonight, but sometimes she couldn't help herself. Besides, he wasn't actively participating in the conversation and she knew that would get his attention.

Elliot looked over at her. "You're not starting that Benson Stabler stuff again, are you?"

Olivia set the book down by her side. She could hear a level of frustration in his voice and she bristled at it. "You're right. Maybe I'll just keep my last name. I've had it for a long time. Olivia Stabler just doesn't sound right." She knew she was pushing him, but she had meant her earlier comment to be a tease and he had escalated things quickly.

"It sounds right to me." He said. "You agreed to marry me…that's how it works. We'll change yours and Elise's name at the same time." He turned his attention back to the TV.

Olivia narrowed her eyes at his dismissive tone. "End of conversation?"

Elliot didn't turn his head but kept his concentration on the game. He hadn't meant to sound as short as he probably had, but he wasn't in the mood and as far as he was concerned, it was the end of the conversation. He wanted Olivia to have his last name. He was traditional when it came to that. And Elise was his daughter; she sure as hell should have his last name. Why wouldn't she? He tried to temper his tone. "I didn't say that." He started. "But I really want you to take my last name."

"So it's very clear that I belong to you?" Olivia said, her tone even.

This time, Elliot did turn to look at her. "When did I say that?"

"You've always been about marking your territory." Olivia shot back at him. "Making sure people clearly know that I'm off-limits."

Elliot furrowed his brow and sat up, swinging his legs off the couch to face her. "You _are_ off-limits. What? You want to date after we get married?" He asked, trying to lighten the mood a little because he thought she was being unreasonable, but he didn't want to argue. Things had been so good between them lately.

"Of course not, but what do you think is going to happen if I don't change my last name?" She knew she was being difficult, and she had pretty much planned on changing her name, but she bridled at the insinuation that he got to make that decision. It was back to some of the same kinds of things they'd argued about before.

Elliot shook his head. "Fine. I don't care. Change your name, don't change your name. It doesn't matter as long as we walk down the aisle." He really meant it; that was not going to be a sticking point between them. He wasn't even going to bring up Elise again; at least not until they got this settled.

"About that…" Olivia's voice trailed off.

Elliot scrubbed his hand over his face. _Was she really going to pull this shit again?_ "What? We can't agree on you taking my name so the weddings off? I swear to God Olivia…"

"I didn't say that!" Olivia interrupted. "Stop putting words in my mouth."

"Then _what_?"

"You said something the other day about getting married in a church and I…I guess I never really pictured a big wedding and a church and all that. I kind of thought we'd just go see a judge."

Elliot made a face, his lips pressed together into a scowl. "C'mon. You can't be serious." He said. He looked forward to the day when he'd see Olivia in a beautiful white dress walking down the aisle with their friends and family watching.

Olivia shrugged. "I used to think about it when I was younger, but now it just seems like it's not necessary. So I thought we'd just do something simple." She hesitated a moment, but spoke again before Elliot could say anything. "Plus, I never really thought I'd get married in a church."

Elliot tried not to get upset. But so far, she had told him she didn't want to get married in a church, she didn't want anyone else there and she didn't want to take his last name. He tried to listen to what she was saying. "We don't have to have a big wedding Liv, but I want our kids and our friends to be there. I want to see you walking down the aisle so I can stand there with a big shit-eating grin on my face knowing that I'm the luckiest SOB alive." He leaned forward and grasped her hands in his. "I don't care if you don't take my name. I can live with that." He said softly. "But I want you to get your fairytale…I want to see you in that white dress. I think Don is dying to walk you down the aisle."

Olivia heard what he was saying and she had to admit…she wanted that too. She'd just been trying to be practical…she felt like she was too old for that now. "I'm too old for that. Plus, I'm huge." She put her hands on her belly.

"You're not too old. And you're not huge. You look beautiful."

"Yeah, but there's something odd about wearing a white dress when you're pregnant." She said, cocking her head.

"I don't think the white dress means what it used to, but regardless, we can get married whenever you want. We can wait until after the baby is born."

"It would be nice to have Don walk me down the aisle." She admitted. "And Casey would probably kill me if she wasn't there."

"And Fin and John and everyone else that's been on this crazy ride with us. And my kids of course."

"But it will be expensive."

"You only get married once." Elliot said. "Well…you know what I mean." He didn't mean to remind her that she had never been married, or to discredit his first marriage. "I know you're not like most women Liv, but don't you still want that?"

"I just want to marry you Elliot." Olivia said sincerely. "But I agree it will be more special with our family and friends there."

"I want to see you in that wedding dress Liv. I have an image in my head." He smiled broadly.

Olivia smiled at the grin on his face. Then she turned serious again. "What about the church?" she asked tentatively.

Elliot thought for a second. He'd already gotten her to agree to making it more of an event then she'd planned, but his faith was important to him. He knew he couldn't get married in the Catholic church, but he at least wanted some kind of religion in the ceremony. He never really knew what her upbringing had been, and he had never asked her. He had hoped they could marry in her faith. He sighed. "I don't know. That's kind of important to me." He saw the look of apprehension on her face. "I mean, if we're going to have our family and friends and the whole thing, we can't just do that in the judges' chambers."

Olivia pressed her lips together. She was glad that Elliot had realized that at her core, she didn't want a quick ceremony in the judge's chambers. She had convinced herself that she did for all the reasons she had told him. But she was actually happy that he'd pushed her…questioned her…on it. She wanted to walk down the aisle and see him standing there, looking handsome in a dark suit and a spark in those blue eyes. She did want Don to walk her down the aisle, and of course she wanted their friends and family to be there. "How about this…" she started. "How about we get married by a minister of some sort, but we have an outdoor wedding. Or at least, have it somewhere besides a church."

Eliot squeezed her hands. "I think that's a great compromise. Although, depending on the date we pick, outside may be little tricky."

Olivia smiled at him. "Do you care if we wait until after the baby's born?" It was already late September, and although this wasn't going to be a big wedding, it would still take time to find a spot that had an opening and plan it. And if she was going to go with a more traditional wedding dress, she didn't want to be pregnant.

"Olivia, I've told you before and I'll say it again. I don't care when we get married, as long as you keep that engagement ring on your finger and promise to make it happen at some point."

"OK." She smiled.

"OK." Elliot said, smiling back. He tugged at her hands. "Now…come over here."

Olivia let out a small laugh and stood up. He pulled her over towards him and rested his hands on her hips. He placed a few kisses on her stomach and then tugged her down towards her lap. He swung her legs to the side and wrapped his arms around her so she was resting on his lap.

"Comfortable?"

"Not really." She said. She adjusted herself slightly, trying to find a way to accommodate her belly and put her in a position to kiss him.

"Liv, you have to stop squirming like that." Elliot said. He tangled his fingers into her hair and kissed her. She kept trying to shift around and Elliot groaned into her mouth. He broke the kiss. "I give up. Let's go to bed."

"It's 9:00." Olivia said.

"Good. Then you won't be falling asleep on me."

"One time…" Olivia said, laughing as she grabbed Elliot's hand and led him to their room.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia was on her way home from work a few days later when her phone rang. She was surprised to see it was Kathleen's name that came up on the screen. She and Elliot hadn't seen her in weeks.

"Benson." She answered.

"Not for long!"

Olivia smiled when she heard the young girl's enthusiasm.

"Dad said you need some help planning the wedding."

"Oh he did, huh?" Olivia should have known he would have enlisted some help for her. She'd told him that she didn't have any idea where to even start.

"Well, to be honest, he said you _might_ need some help." Kathleen admitted. "So, I made a list of potential places and I thought maybe we could go and look at some of them on Saturday."

"We?" Olivia asked, still smiling into the phone.

"Yeah, me and Liz. And maybe Mo if she can get away."

"I appreciate the help, but I haven't even thought about it. I'm not sure what I want."

"Well, we made a list of all different types of places so we thought it would be a good to go see all of them to help you narrow it down. See what you like and what you don't."

Olivia laughed. She could tell she wasn't going to be able to talk her out of it. And frankly, she knew she could use the help. When she'd told Elliot that she had no idea of where to start, it had been the truth. She was still trying to find time to go shopping for items for the baby.

"OK, but you guys have to agree to be gentle with me. This kind of stuff isn't really my thing." She couldn't imagine spending a day looking at venues. "And I'm buying lunch."

Kathleen laughed. "Deal. We'll come by at 10 and we can go from there. See you in a few days."

"Sounds good." She couldn't help but smile into the phone again. She was so happy that Elliot's kids were on board, and actually excited about the wedding. "Oh and Kathleen?" she said, trying to catch her before she hung up.

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

EOEOEOEO

The rest of the week went fairly quickly, and it was Saturday before she knew it. She was getting ready when she heard the buzzer. It was just a few minutes later that Olivia heard Elise squeal when some of her stepsisters walked in the door.

Olivia sighed, because she knew Elise was going to have a fit that she wasn't going along with them. But Elliot had insisted that she go with the girls and that she didn't need a four-year-old tagging along. And Olivia agreed. She had suggested that Elliot take her out so she wasn't here when they arrived, but he told her that Elise needed to learn that she didn't always get what she wanted. Olivia knew she was right…and she also knew she wasn't the one that would be left behind to deal with her.

She walked into the living room, and was somewhat surprised to see all three girls standing there. Elise was holding Liz's hand.

"Look who's here!" Elise said excitedly.

"I see that." Olivia said, smiling the girls.

"You ready Liv?" asked Maureen.

"Yep." She grabbed her keys and a small purse. She watched as Elliot scooped Elise up on his arms.

"Looks like it's you and me today kid." He said.

Olivia saw the scowl forming immediately. She walked quickly towards the door as Elliot brushed past her with Elise. Elise held out her arms, seeming to realize what was going on. "Mommy!" she said.

Olivia turned, hearing the plea in the little girl's voice. She knew that Elise was a master manipulator, but it still tugged at her heartstrings. "I'll be back soon." She said. "Have fun with Daddy." She looked up at Elliot and saw him mouthing something to her.

"Go." He said silently and nodded his head towards the door and she knew she shouldn't linger. "OK girls. Let's go." She heard Elise's wails as she closed the door behind her.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia was exhausted by the time they got back to the apartment. She looked at her watch as the girls dropped her at the front door, and she saw it was a little after 6. They'd seen half a dozen places, and while it didn't seem like a lot, it seemed like they zig-zagged around the city. They'd made plenty of stops for lunch and drinks and just to get Olivia off her feet.

"Do you want one of us to walk you up?" asked Maureen.

"I think I can still manage." She said, appreciative of the gesture. She got out of the car and waved as they drove off down the street. She trudged into the apartment building and hit the button for the elevator, leaning against the wall as she waited.

"Are you OK?"

Olivia turned to see a man standing right behind her. She knew she must be tired because she hadn't even heard him come in. She was losing her touch. She assessed him quickly, a habit from too many years on the job. "I'm fine. Just tired."

The man walked up next to her as she straightened up, his eyes scanning her frame. "I can see why." He pushed the elevator button again. "I don't know why I just did that. Not like the elevators going to come any faster." He joked.

She gave him a small smile, too tired to even answer. The elevator doors opened, and they both walked in. She pushed the button for her floor.

"Hey, we live on the same floor. We're neighbors." He said. He stuck out his hand. "Steven Crenshaw."

Olivia took his hand. "Olivia." She purposefully didn't offer her last name, unsure of why. "Nice to meet you."

"You just move in?"

"It's been about 6 or 7 weeks." Olivia said.

"Oh, I just haven't seen you around." He said. "And I would have remembered." He looked away almost sheepishly.

Olivia smiled a little. He seemed pretty introverted and he seemed embarrassed at having given her what she assumed was a compliment. Although, in her pregnant state, she wasn't quite sure. "I really haven't met anyone in the building." She said, trying to be polite. Thankfully, they reached their floor, because she was too tired to make small talk.

Steven motioned for her to exit before he and she hesitated, not wanting him to know what apartment she lived in. Another force of habit. She pretended to look at something on her phone and Steven bid her goodnight. She watched in her peripheral vision as he went into the apartment one door down from hers. As soon as his door closed, she let herself into her apartment.

"Mommy!" Elise ran to the door to greet her.

She looked up at Elliot, and he must have seen the exhaustion on her face. He hopped up from the couch and rushed over.

"Are you OK?" He placed a hand on her arm and guided her over to the couch.

"I'm fine. Just tired." She sat down on couch and Elise jumped up on the couch next to her.

"Mommy. You should see what we did today!"

Elliot shushed her. "El. Give Mommy a minute please. Don't ruin the surprise."

Olivia's eyebrow arched as Elise covered her mouth, practically buzzing with excitement.

"You have a surprise for me?" she asked, smiling at Elise.

Elise nodded excitedly, still covering her mouth with her hand. "I can't tell you though." She said, her words muffled by her hand.

Olivia lifted her hand from her mouth. "You can't tell me?"

Elise nodded. "Daddy said I'm not 'sposed to."

"How am I supposed to find out about the surprise?" she asked, looking up at Elliot.

"We're gonna show you!" Elise said.

"It can wait." Elliot said. "Let your mother rest for a little bit."

"I'm fine." Olivia said. She could see how excited her little girl was and her excitement was damn near contagious. "I hope you're going to show me that you cleaned your room." She said.

Elise rolled her eyes and it caught Olivia by surprise. _When had she learned that?_

Elise hopped off the couch and tugged at her hand. "Come on." She said. "Let's go see."

Olivia stood up slowly and Elliot wrapped a hand around her elbow. "Let me help you." She looked over at him but she didn't argue. Elise ran down the little hallway but went right past her room and headed for the nursery.

Olivia furrowed her brow slightly, wondering what could possibly be in there. Elliot had already painted the room before they moved in and they had placed the rocking chair in the room. She saw the door was closed and Elise stopped just outside the door. "Close your eyes!" she said, a big grin on her face.

Olivia closed her eyes when she reached the door and Elliot still had his hand on her elbow. She heard Elise open the door.

"It's magic Mommy!"

She felt Elliot guide her into the room.

"Open your eyes!"

Olivia opened her eyes and her jaw dropped open. The crib was set up and resting against the far wall. The lights were dim, and a mobile with a nightlight inside was casting stars and moons over the walls and the ceiling. Her rocking chair was situated next to the crib, and she saw a soft yellow throw tossed over the back of it.

Elise tugged her hand towards the crib and Olivia let herself be led. Inside, she saw a herd of stuffed animals, along with a few gowns decorated with giraffes and elephants. There was another couple of small blankets folded up, along with some small socks and t-shirts. She saw several packs of diapers and some wipes…everything they needed to get started.

"Look what we got! Daddy took me shopping and we got all this stuff for the baby. I picked out the animals." She picked up the stuffed giraffe. "Do you like it?"

Olivia could feel tears brimming on her lower lashes, and she knew it was partly exhaustion, partly hormones…but another large portion of it was just sheer gratitude to the man she loved.

"I knew you were a little stressed out that we hadn't gotten anything for the baby. And I know you want to pick out some of the stuff but I just thought I'd pick up a few things…" he started, seeing the sheen in her eyes.

"Thank you." She whispered. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder. "This is wonderful."

"Me too!" Elise said, wedging herself in between them. "I picked out the 'portant stuff."

Olivia dropped a hand and placed it on Elise's back. "I know you did sweetie. And I _really_ appreciate it."

She turned her attention back to Elliot. "I love you." She mouthed to him. She looked around the room and then broke away. She walked over to the rocking chair, and grabbed the yellow blanket. She held it up to her cheek, reveling in the softness, as she sat down in the rocker. Elise walked over and tried to climb into her lap. Olivia accommodated her as best as she could and Elise curled into her. Olivia covered her up with the blanket and started rocking her gently.

Sitting in this chair brought back so many memories. She looked up and saw Elliot watching her. She gave him a small smile as she rocked. Elise stroked the blanket and closed her eyes. "Sing to me."

Elliot leaned back against the wall, watching the scene play out before him. He could see Olivia pregnant with Elise, singing to her unborn child. He could see Elise as a small baby, snuggled up against Olivia's chest, comforted by her mother's heartbeat. He listened as Olivia sung a lullaby he'd never heard before, but that obviously Elise had. She sang it several times over, placing gentle kisses on the crown of her head as she rocked her.

Elliot had gone through many pregnancies with Kathy…had been through three births. But watching Olivia right now, he knew that each experience was unique, and he was so thankful he was experiencing this with Olivia right now.

He watched Elise's eyes slide shut. He watched for a few more minutes before he broke the spell in the room. He walked over and gently slide Elise out of Olivia's arms. He took her in her room and tucked her in, knowing she'd probably be back up in a little while. It had been a long day, and most likely, she just needed a little nap. He walked back into the nursery, and saw Olivia still rocking gently with the blanket. She looked up at him as he walked back into the room.

"You guys were busy today."

Elliot nodded. "Elise had fun helping out. I thought it would be a good idea to get her involved."

"She was really excited."

"You should have seen her at the store." He smiled, thinking about how she had been running all over pointing things out to him. He watched her close her eyes.

"You want to take a nap?"

"I'm not that tired." She said, never opening her eyes.

"I can see that." He said.

Before she knew it, she felt Elliot scooping her out of the chair. Her eyes flew open. "What are you doing?"

"You're falling asleep in the chair." He said, as he straightened up.

Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck. "I don't want to go to bed." She said.

Elliot carried her into the living room and settled down on the couch. He settled back against the couch and she adjusted herself between his legs. She leaned against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, resting his hands on her belly.

"Mmm." She said as he slid his hands beneath her shirt and massaged her stomach.

"Hey." He said. "I just felt the baby moving!"

"Uh-huh." She said. "She always decides to be active when I'm trying to rest." She mumbled. The last thing she felt when she fell asleep was Elliot's warm hands against her skin and his breath in her hair.


	61. Chapter 61

_Hello readers! I can't believe this story is on Chapter 61! It started out as a relatively short story in my mind, but somehow it has taken on a life of its own. I have gotten a lot of feedback and questions on the sex of the baby. I have a certain sex in my mind, but if you are so inclined to leave a review, please make a vote on boy or girl and perhaps I'll change my mind and go with the majority. Thanks again for reading. I really appreciate it._

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia was busy in the kitchen, slicing up cheese for some appetizers. They had decided to have a small dinner party to announce their wedding plans to everyone. They had invited Cragen, Munch, Fin, Casey, Alex and Melinda, as well as Elliot's partner Tony. Only Tony had a spouse (a fact Olivia chose not to dwell on), so it was a relatively small group, but still a tight fit at their eight person table.

Elliot walked into the apartment with Elise. They had signed her up for gymnastics at a little gym down the street, and today had been her first day. Olivia looked up and saw it must have been raining; it was cold for a late October day and she had almost worried it would snow. Elise stopped at the door and shed her coat and her rain boots, skipping into the kitchen when that was accomplished. As Olivia expected, she was talking non-stop about her teacher and her classmates and all of the things she had done. When she was done, she moved into the hallway to practice her somersaults and head stands.

Olivia looked up at Elliot. "I guess it was a success." She said with a smile. Elise had been doubtful as they left the apartment, and Olivia was convinced he was going to have any luck getting her to participate.

"It was." He came around the counter and leaned against the counter with one hip. "That entire place smells like a dirty sweat sock. You owe me." He grabbed a slice of cheese from the cutting board. "Plus, I had to sit there with all the other moms."

Olivia smirked; she would have loved to have seen that. "I bet they loved it." She said. "Probably got a couple of single mom's there."

"I was scared." He said, laughing. "I felt like they were undressing me with their eyes." He said jokingly.

"Probably were."

Elliot looked around at all of the clutter on the counter. "Did you go buy all this food?" He said, with a puzzled expression on his face. "I thought you were going to let me go when I got back."

Olivia shrugged. "I was getting antsy. I only meant to go get a few things to get started but…"

"How did you get all of that up here?" He asked, annoyed that she'd been carrying around these heavy bags.

"If you'd let me finish. I was about to say that I ran into Steven at the store and he offered to help me. So I got a little more than I planned."

"Steven? Steven who?" Elliot asked, furrowing his brows as if trying to recall someone by that name.

Olivia continued to slice the cheese and lay it out on the platter. "Our neighbor. Steven Crenshaw. Remember I told you that I ran into him in the elevator a few weeks ago. He lives right next door." Olivia pointed in the vague direction of the living room.

"Oh. I don't remember that."

Olivia shrugged. "I've run into him a couple of times since then. He was at Starbucks the other morning when I stopped on my way to work, and sometimes I run into him in the lobby on my way in or out."

"He married?" Elliot asked, trying to steal another piece of cheese but Olivia slapped his hand away.

"I don't know. It's not something you ask people, and it's not like we've had many conversations." She started to pull some crackers out of the box. "If I had to guess, I would say no. He's quite introverted. You know, just a little socially awkward."

"So what did you talk about today then?"

"I don't even know. Just the weather I guess. And Halloween. And dinner parties." Olivia brought a hand to her stomach. "Ow."

"Baby kicking?" Elliot asked.

"Yes." Olivia said grimly. "Boy or girl, this kid is going to be a soccer player." She set down her knife. "And I swear, I have to go to the bathroom every five minutes." She said as she rushed off towards the bathroom.

Elliot yelled after her. "It's a boy!"

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Their dinner guests started to arrive at 6, and Olivia realized that she had never really hosted anything like this before. She felt a wave of nervousness wash over her, hoping that everything tasted good, that they had enough wine and beer, that Elise would behave herself. As Elliot opened the door for Tony and his wife, she tugged at her dress for about the twentieth time that night. She didn't have a lot of options for dresses; this was the only maternity dress she owned and it was from her pregnancy with Elise. This time around, her belly was bigger and her boobs were definitely bigger. She was constantly shifting and pulling at fabric.

"You look great." Elliot whispered into her ear as she passed him to say hi and to meet Tony's wife for the first time. He could tell she was uncomfortable and that she thought the dress was too revealing, but he honestly thought it looked just fine and it was all in her imagination.

Elliot got everyone drinks and they stood around the living room, talking and laughing. Elise was circling around, lapping up all of the compliments on her new blue dress and her curled hair and her promise to model her new Halloween costume later in the evening.

"Your daughter is beautiful." Tony's wife Amanda said to Olivia. "She's just the spitting image of you."

"Thank you."

"It looks like she's got quite a personality. And quite a few people wrapped around her little finger." She said with a smile.

Olivia nodded, not sure if that was a compliment or not, but deciding that either way, it was true. "She's a handful." She watched as Elise showed Don how she could do a somersault. "Do you have any children?

EOEOEOEO

They were all seated at dinner, with Elise firmly planted between Alex and Casey, deciding they were her new best friends.

"Before we get started…" Elliot said. "We have an announcement." He saw the surprised looks on some of their faces and realized he should probably temper his words. "Just an update really." He looked over at Olivia. "Liv?"

She was surprised that he turned it over to her; she thought he was going to make the announcement.

"Oh my God, are you going to tell us the sex of the baby?" Casey asked. She had a feeling Olivia knew, and had asked her to share several times.

"No." said Olivia. "We don't know if it's a boy or a girl." She let out a small laugh as she rested her hand on her belly. "Although I know it's a girl."

"It's a boy." Elliot chimed in, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Sorry Liv."

"Did we come here to listen to you argue or did you have something to tell us?" Fin asked.

"It's not anything about the baby." Olivia said. She glanced over at Elliot and then back down the table. "We wanted to let you know that we've set our wedding date, and even though it's going to be small, we want to invite all of you to attend."

Casey clapped her hands together and Olivia could see big smiles on everyone's faces. "So…what's the date?" Casey asked.

"March 31st."

"It's about time." Munch said.

"Congratulations." Said Cragen.

Alex lifted her wine glass. "A toast." Everyone lifted their wineglasses, and Olivia and Cragen their water goblets, and they all clinked them together while voicing their congratulations.

As soon as they had a drink, the questions started. Olivia filled them in on the arrangements and the guest list, letting them know it was limited to the people in the room and Elliot's children. They finished up their conversation as Olivia started to serve dinner, and the conversation turned to other matters over the course of their meal.

Olivia excused herself to use the bathroom, and when she came out, she saw Don standing outside the door. She was surprised to see him standing there, but glad for a quiet moment with him.

"Look at you." He said with a smile. "You're a mother, and about to become one again…" He motioned towards her stomach. "And now you're getting married." He shook his head. 'When you walked into my squad room all those years ago, I never could have imagined this is where we'd end up."

Olivia placed a hand on his arm and smiled warmly. "I owe you so much."

"No." he said, placing his hand over hers. "I owe you. I came to think of you like my own daughter." He said.

"You've helped me out in so many ways over the years. I don't know how I can ever thank you." She said. "But I do have a favor to ask you."

"Anything."

"Will you walk me down the aisle at my wedding?" She knew he wouldn't deny her, but she hoped he'd be happy about it. It seemed only fitting, as he had been there for her through everything, with and without Elliot.

"I was hoping you would ask me." He said with a twinkle in his eye. "I'd love nothing more."

Olivia pulled her hand from his arm and moved in for a hug. Her belly got in the way and they both laughed as she gave him an awkward hug. "Thank you." She whispered. She pulled away and Cragen wrapped an arm around her shoulders as they turned back to walk back towards the living room. "I'm happy that you ended up here Liv. It's everything you deserve. Elliot really loves you. That's a rare gift."

She glanced at him as they walked back down the hallway towards the rest of their friends. "I know. I'm a lucky woman."

"And he's a lucky man."

EOEOEOEOEO

The next morning, Elliot let Olivia sleep in. He knew she'd done the majority of the work the day before, and that she'd been exhausted when they'd crawled into bed. She had barely even given him a kiss before she'd fallen asleep.

He and Elise made breakfast and then played a game of Go Fish. Elise lost interest in the game and begged to watch a movie. He gave in and sat next to her, reading the Sunday paper while she had her eyes glued to the screen. The movie finished, and Elliot realized that he hadn't heard a peep from Olivia. He looked at his watch and saw that it was almost noon.

"Why don't you go play with your dolls and I'm going to check on Mommy."

"I want to check on Mommy with you." Elise said.

"Not this morning." Elliot said, giving her a look that told her not to argue. Elise considered him for a moment and then she climbed up on the couch and wrapped her arms around his neck. "OK Daddy. But can we practice gymnastics later?"

"Yes. Of course." Elise started to climb down and Elliot admonished her to keep quiet in her room. He followed her down the hall and he watched her as she plopped down amongst her dolls and started playing. He closed the door after watching her for a minute, amused by her imagination.

He made it to their bedroom door, and opened it as quietly as he could. He peeked into the darkened room and saw a pile of blankets covering Olivia. He listened and could hear her even breathing, letting him know that she was still asleep. He contemplated waking her to see if she was OK, because he couldn't believe she was still asleep. But he decided he would let her sleep a little longer.

He went back out to the kitchen and made some lunch for he and Elise. He ate lunch with Elise and they talked about Halloween coming up next weekend. She was very excited because she had gotten a mermaid costume. They were going to go to a neighborhood Halloween party on Saturday afternoon, but she got to bring her costume to school on Friday for a party there.

Elliot got Elise started on a craft project at the table, making some Halloween decorations for the door and windows. Elliot left her at the table, and heated up some soup for Olivia. He set it out on a tray and added some crackers and some tea. He walked quietly down the hall and opened the door with his foot. He carried the tray in, and saw her roll over on her back and look at him.

"Hey sleepyhead."

"Hey." She said softly, swiping her hair from her eyes.

"I didn't think you were ever going to wake up." He set the tray down on top of the nightstand and looked down at her. It was hard to see her in the darkened room, but his eyes were adjusting. He sat down on the edge of the bed as she rolled on her left side towards him. He reached up brushed her hair from her face. He could feel how hot her skin was. He flattened his palm on her forehead. "You're burning up."

Olivia could hear the concern in his voice. "I'm fine. I'm just tired."

"You've got a temp."

"You a doctor?"

"You're going to try to tell me you don't feel like shit?"

Olivia wasn't sure she was denying it. She did feel like shit. She was achy all over and she had a headache and she just couldn't keep her eyes open.

Her lack of response was his answer.

"I'm going to call the doctor."

"It's just the flu El. I just need to sleep." She closed her eyes and shivered, another round of the chills settling in.

"How about a little soup?"

"No thanks."

"Then at least have some water."

"I just want to sleep." She murmured.

Elliot placed a hand on her shoulder and caressed her. "I'm going to call the doctor." He didn't like the idea of her being sick, even if it was just the flu. He had no idea what she could take and what she couldn't and he was worried that she hadn't eaten or had anything to drink. They'd dealt with her weight loss early in her pregnancy, and he knew she'd caught up and the doctor was pleased with where she was now. But he didn't want to go backwards. She had over the halfway point of her pregnancy, but they had a long way to go to get to 37 weeks; the safe zone if you didn't make it the full 40 weeks. "Liv?" But she was sleeping again.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot had left a message for Olivia's doctor, but he hadn't heard back from her yet. He was at his wit's end, unsure about what to do. He had checked on Olivia several times, but she'd never woken up again. He'd laid his hand against her skin, and she felt just as hot to him as she had before. He called and left another message, and was just about to call Kathy in frustration and worry to see if she would have any insight for him, when the doctor called him back. He explained the situation and was slightly relieved when the doctor told him not to worry too much. She gave him some things to look for, particularly dehydration concerns, and promised she would check in with him in two to three hours to see how she was doing. After he hung up with her, he dug through the cupboards to try to find some Tylenol to give her, but he couldn't find anything but children's Tylenol for Elise.

Elliot went back into their bedroom and snuck into their bathroom, digging through the medicine cabinet. He accidentally knocked some bottles into the sink causing a clatter. He poked his head into the bedroom, and saw Olivia looking at him.

"What are you doing?" she asked groggily.

"I'm looking for some Tylenol for you." He finally found the bottle and grasped it, ripping the cap open.

"I don't want any." She knew it was safe to take during her pregnancy, but she was trying really hard not to take anything. She didn't want to take any chances, especially at her age.

Elliot crossed the room and lay his hand across her forehead again. "You're still hot as hell. Do you know where we have a thermometer?"

If she didn't feel so horrible, she would have laughed at how frantic he seemed. It was so endearing. "Haven't you ever had the flu before?" she asked. "I just need to rest."

"You need to drink some water. And you need to take these. Doctor's orders." He picked up the glass of water and helped her sit up. He held the glass up to her mouth and she took a few sips before lying back down.

"Mommy!" Elise started into the room.

"Keep her out. I don't want her to get sick." Olivia said, her voice hoarse from sleep.

Elliot ushered Elise out of the room, despite her protests, and got her working on taping her paper ghosts and pumpkins to the windows and the refrigerator. He went back to the bedroom, but Olivia had rolled over on her side, away from the door and was sleeping again.

He kept checking on her over the course of the day and evening, and tried to make sure she was taking Tylenol as prescribed and was at least drinking a little water. After he got Elise to bed, he crawled into bed beside Olivia. She woke up a little as he spooned up against her, resting his hand on her belly.

"What're you doing?" she asked in a raspy voice.

"I'm coming to bed." He nuzzled her hair. "I missed you today."

"You shouldn't sleep here with me. You're going to get sick." She lifted his hand and pushed him back. It was true that she didn't want him to get sick, but it was also because she was so damn hot, and having him snuggled up against her didn't help.

"For better or for worse." Elliot spouted, placing a hand on her hip. "In sickness and in health." He realized she was asleep again when she didn't answer.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot woke up and realized Olivia was shivering violently next to him. He sat up quickly and placed his hand against her skin. She was still burning up and he looked at the time quickly. It had only been a couple of hours since he had given her some more Tylenol and went to bed. Her fever should have broken, or at least gone down.

The doctor had told him that influenza could be serious for pregnant women, and could results in premature labor. She had told him not to panic, but had also given him a list of things to watch for, and lack of reaction to the fever reducer was one of them.

"Liv." Elliot said, shaking her gently. "Wake up."

He panicked when she wouldn't respond. He shook her harder. "Olivia."

She mumbled something, but didn't open her eyes. Elliot climbed out of bed and threw on his jeans. He wasn't going to take any chances; he was taking her to the ER. He dialed the emergency number for her doctor and left an urgent message with her service. He looked at the clock and saw it was a little before midnight. He dialed Cragen, filling him in quickly and asking him to come over and stay with Elise while he took Olivia to the hospital.

Elliot paced impatiently for the next 30 minutes until Don arrived. He had a grim look on his face as he entered.

"How's Liv?" he asked.

He shook his head. "She's out of it. I need to get her to the ER."

Elliot walked down the hallway towards the bedroom and Don followed him. Elliot turned on the lamp and it cast a soft glow in the room.

"Olivia." Elliot said, trying to roust her. When he got no response, Don reached over and placed the back of his hand against her cheek. "She's awfully hot. Look how flushed her skin is." He looked over at Elliot. "I think you'd better call 9-1-1."


	62. Chapter 62

_Thanks for your comments, and your votes. Sorry for the cliffhanger. I thought I'd better update again so people didn't get too irate. Not sure if you're going to be any happier by the end of this chapter, but that's how it goes._

EOEOEOEO

Elliot walked out into the waiting room and sat down, rubbing his hand over his eyes. He looked at his phone, and saw it was 6AM. He had three missed calls and two voicemails, but he wasn't in the mood to listen right now. It had been a long night.

The ambulance had shown up and the noise had woken Elise. She was scared, and he'd left her crying with Don as he left the apartment with Olivia on the stretcher. Her eyes had opened when they had moved her from the bed, but she was disoriented and didn't seem to understand what was going on. They had taken her vitals and put an IV in to give her some fluids, and Elliot wondered how she could have gotten so bad in such a short time.

The doctor had been at the hospital when they had arrived, and the orderlies had shooed him out of the room while the doctor examined her.

His phone vibrated in his hand, interrupting his thoughts. He looked at the caller ID and saw it was Casey. He decided to take the call, knowing others would want to know what was going on.

"Hey." He said tiredly.

"Thank God you answered. We've been going out of our minds. How's Liv?"

"They have her hooked up to an IV and they've given her some kind of anti-viral medication. They're trying to get her temperature down and it seems to be working, but not as quickly as they'd like."

"How's the baby?" Casey asked. She'd been searching the internet and reading articles on flu in pregnant women since Fin had called her, and she didn't like the information she'd found. She had read that pregnancy and all the changes in your body changed your immune system, making you more vulnerable to the flu in the first place. But then she had also read that it can caused premature labor, pre-term both and possibly birth defects. She didn't want to give Elliot any more reason to worry by filling his head with what she had read, but she did want to know what the doctor had told him.

"The baby seems to be OK for now. The heartbeat is regular and the baby is moving around and they're keeping a close eye on both of them. The doctor said they have to get her temperature down and keep her from going into labor." His voice hitched slightly. "She's only 24 weeks…a baby that small can't live…" The words retched from his throat.

"Don't think like that Elliot." Casey said, determination in her voice. "That's _not_ going to happen."

"I just don't understand." Elliot said, exasperation in his voice. "She was fine Saturday night. And now 26 hour later, she's lying in a hospital bed." He couldn't even describe the thoughts going through his mind right now. He was worried about losing the baby. He was worried about Olivia's health. He was worried about Olivia's mental state if something happened to the baby. He didn't even hear what Casey was saying.

"Elliot?"

He heard Casey loudly in his ear. "I'm on my way."

The call disconnected and he tossed the phone on the seat beside him. He dropped his head in his hands and said a prayer. He knew God couldn't so cruel as to give him everything he'd wanted just to take it all away.

"Elliot."

He looked up and saw the doctor coming down the hall and it was like déjà vu. It wasn't that many weeks back that he was here with Olivia. Another time he'd been certain they'd lost their baby. If Olivia was awake, he was certain the same thoughts were running through her mind.

Elliot stood up as she approached. "Is everything OK?" he asked with alarm in his voice.

"She's still sleeping, but I have to be honest. Her temperature is not coming down much. We're trying to determine next steps, but I don't want to do anything at this point to harm the baby. It's moving around and the heartbeat is still in the normal range and I don't see any sign that Olivia's going into labor."

Elliot let out a sigh.

The doctor shook her head. "It's good news for now, but you have to know that it can change it any time. For reasons that aren't apparent right now, the anti-viral we gave her isn't combating the infection. The longer this goes on, the higher the risk of labor. I can probably stop it, but if the baby is in distress, we may not have a choice. And if Olivia's health is at risk…" She put a hand on Elliot's shoulder. "You may have to make some hard choices."

Elliot's head shot up. He didn't comprehend what she was saying.

The doctor saw the alarm on his face. "It's not going to come to that. We're going to get this under control…but I just want you to be prepared for the worst." She squeezed his shoulder. "But we'll hope for the best."

Elliot sat down hard in the chair, anguish washing through him. _Was she trying to tell him that he might have to choose to take the baby to save Olivia? Or was she telling him that if he chooses to stop labor, it was risk to Olivia's health? Or life?_

"I don't understand. She has the _flu_. She was fine." He shook his head.

The doctor sat down next to him. She had run through this with him before, but she knew that people in this situation weren't always able to absorb all the information that was presented. "When a woman is pregnant, the changes in the body and the baby itself put a strain on other organs. The body doesn't always react like it normally would if there wasn't another life inside. And the baby itself can be impacted as the body tries to fight the infection. It's just harder to deal with because every situation is slightly different. As to why it escalated so quickly, it's the same story. The immune system is all out of whack. The body can't fight off infection like it normally would…"

Elliot stood up. He didn't want to hear anymore. "She's a fighter. She's been stabbed and shot at. She's taken down men twice her size. She's not going to let this beat her."

"I agree." The doctor said.

Elliot turned to look at her, wondering if she believed it or if she was just patronizing him.

"She's most likely going to be just fine Elliot. I just have to do my job and let you know what the risks are. And what we're watching for."

"I know." Elliot said quietly. "I need to know." He really did want to know what they were up against. He didn't need anyone to keep anything from him. "Can I see her?"

The doctor nodded. "I want to limit her visitors though and I want you to wear a mask. We don't know where she picked up this strain of influenza, and we don't need to infect her with anything else. Got it?"

Elliot nodded. "Got it." He headed down the hall towards her room. When he was outside, he stopped, preparing himself. He didn't like to see her like this. This wasn't who she was. Vulnerable was not a word he ever associated with her and he hated this. She was the strongest person he knew and yet lying in that bed…she looked small.

Elliot walked into the room, and saw the lights had been dimmed. Unlike when he'd left just a short time ago, she was alone. He could hear the soft beeps of the machinery, monitoring her vitals and he assumed those of the baby. She had an IV connected to the top of her hand, and some kind of monitor on one finger. She had her eyes closed, and he watched the rise and fall of her chest, noting her shallow breathing. Her skin still looked flushed, and he could see several blankets piled over her. He stood in the doorway, slipping the protective mask over his mouth. He stood and just watched her…and found another prayer on his lips.

He crossed the room and stood by the side of the bed. He placed his hand lightly on her belly and could feel the warmth of the blankets. He watched her face, trying to be gentle so he didn't wake her.

"Hey little one." He whispered. "How are you doing in there?" The whisper was ragged; he felt his heart in his throat. He almost cried out when he felt the baby kick against his hand.

"Unh"

Elliot looked up at the sound he heard from Olivia. Her eyes were still closed, but he quickly reached over and tangled his fingers in hers. "Liv…" he said, his voice a loud whisper. "I'm here."

Olivia's eyes fluttered and he found he was almost holding his breath waiting for her to open her eyes. He waited a few seconds, but she settled again, and he felt disappointment stab through him. He just wanted to see her eyes and hear her voice. He needed her to tell him that she was going to be OK.

He looked back and saw a lounge chair. He let go of her hand, and went over to the chair. He lifted it up and moved it so it was next to the bed. He sat down and stuck his hand through the railing, tangling his fingers with hers once again.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot woke up when he heard voices. He looked up and saw some kind of tech rolling what looked like an ultrasound machine into the room. The doctor was trailing close behind.

"We're going to do another ultrasound."

"Is something wrong?" Elliot asked, swiping his hands across his eyes, trying to wake up. He looked at his watch, and realized he'd been asleep for almost two hours.

"Just a precaution." She said.

One of the nurses came into the room. "Mr. Stabler? There are some people out in the waiting room that are asking for an update."

Elliot turned back towards Olivia, and saw another nurse registering her vitals. "Her temp is down another degree." She said, noting the information on the computer that was situated on a stand in the room.

"That's good, right?" Elliot asked.

"It's moving in the right direction, but I still don't like how slowly it's dropping. She's been on the anti-viral drug for over 7 hours now. I'd like to see it drop some more before I feel better about it."

The ultrasound technician started getting stuff ready, and the doctor stepped up near Olivia's head. She put a hand on her upper arm. "Olivia." She said. "Can you wake up for me?" She shook her lightly, trying to rouse her. Elliot saw Olivia's eyes flutter and then he saw them open slightly.

"Olivia." Elliot said, an urgency in his voice. "Liv. Open your eyes. Please." He heard the begging in his voice. Olivia turned her head towards the sound of his voice and opened her eyes a little further.

"El?" she said, her voice a small rasp.

He could see the confusion on her face. "You're in the hospital." He started to explain.

"What's wrong?" she said, looking around. She lifted up her left hand and saw the IV line and her eyes danced back and forth between he and the doctor. "What?" Her right hand flew to her stomach, running her hand back and forth.

Elliot could tell she wasn't quite comprehending what was going on.

"Olivia." The doctor spoke up. "You have a particularly strong strain of influenza and we couldn't get your temperature down. So we admitted you."

Olivia furrowed her brow. "I have the flu. I was home…"

"Liv. Your temp was too high and it wasn't coming down. I called the doctor and she said to bring you in. Just to make sure they can keep an eye on you." He wasn't sure what the doctor was going to tell her, but he didn't want to freak her out with the news about the potential risks. It would only agitate her, and he couldn't imagine how that would help the situation.

"The baby?" She looked directly into Elliot's eyes, and pressed her lips together. She couldn't feel the baby moving at that moment and she wondered if they were keeping something from her. It didn't make sense that they would hospitalize her unless there was some potential risk. She was more fully awake now, and even though she felt a little fuzzy around the edges, she needed him to tell her the truth. "Don't lie to me."

Elliot shook his head. "The baby's fine."

"Then what's that for?" she pointed towards the ultrasound machine.

Elliot looked over at the doctor and then back at Olivia. Before he could speak, the doctor chimed in, giving Olivia the information she was looking for. He saw Olivia's face blanche slightly when she mentioned the potential for going into labor or having the baby early, but she quickly assured her that the fact that her temperature was coming down, and that she was awake and appeared to be less confused and more aware were all good signs. She said they were doing regular ultrasounds at regular intervals, just to be certain they weren't missing anything. She nodded at the nurse, and the nurse stepped in with the fetal heart monitor, finding the baby's heartbeat almost immediately.

The doctor listened. "150 beats per minute." She smiled at Olivia. "That's perfect."

Elliot squeezed Olivia's hand.

"OK, now let's take a look." She motioned to the ultrasound tech and she moved into place.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot walked out into the waiting area and saw Casey and Fin sitting there. They both stood up as he walked towards them.

"How's Liv?" they both asked in unison.

"Better…I think." Elliot said. "So far, everything looks OK. She's still fighting the flu, but her temperature is finally coming down. The baby's heartbeat is good and she just had an ultrasound. The doctor said everything looks good but…" He ran a hand over his head. "Well, the flu can cause birth defects and we wouldn't necessarily see that yet."

"I'm sure it will be fine." Fin said. "Liv's strong."

"Yeah, I wish it was that simple. But right now, they're just really focused on keeping her hydrated and watching to make sure she doesn't go into labor."

"Can they stop it if she does?"

Elliot shrugged. "It all depends. They can. But if the baby's in distress…"

"It's not going to come to that." Fin said.

Elliot looked at him and nodded his head, thankful for his words. He and Fin had one thing in common and that was their concern for Olivia.

"It's not." Fin repeated.

"Can we see her?" Casey asked.

"No. They don't want to expose her to anything else." He said, sitting down in the chair. "Besides, she's sleeping again."

He pulled his phone out of his pocket. "I should call Cragen." He said with a heavy sigh.

"I already called him." Casey said. "And I'll give him another update." She hesitated. "But he was wondering about Elise…"

"Oh shit." He couldn't have the Captain babysitting all day when he had a precinct to run. "I'll call one of the girls. Or Kathy." He hated the idea of leaning on Kathy again, but he honestly had no idea how long Olivia would be in the hospital, and there was no way he was leaving while there was potential risk. He stood up and scrubbed a hand over his face again. This was all too much; this was the pain of loving someone. There was so much to lose.

He started down the hall and dialed Kathy's number. "Hey Kath. It's Elliot."

EOEOEOEO

Olivia woke up and saw she was alone in the hospital room. She tried to remember what the doctor had told her, but the details were vague. She was tired. So tired. She ran her hand down to her belly and ran her hands back and forth. The baby was quiet and she wasn't sure if she should be alarmed or not. There were many times during any normal day that were quiet…this shouldn't be any different.

The doctor had asked her if she had changed her mind her mind about finding out the sex of the baby. She had looked up at Elliot and he had shaken his head. She had been tempted, but she agreed.

She was hot, and she kicked off the blankets. Her back was killing her, and she lowered the bed so she could roll over on her side. As soon as she had gotten comfortable, she started to think about Elliot, and she wondered where he was. As she started to slip towards sleep again, she cradled her arms around her baby.

Elliot entered the room quietly about 20 minutes later. Kathy had been alarmed when he'd told her about Olivia, and she had volunteered to take Elise before he could even ask. Elliot was incredibly thankful, and he reminded himself that when this was all over, he had to do something really special for her. They'd come a long way in the past five years…in the last few months.

He saw Olivia with her arms wrapped around the baby and his first thought was that her instinct was always to protect and care for others before herself. That's what made her a great mother, a caring friend, an amazing lover and an ally for all victims.

He walked over to the bed and saw she was sleeping deeply. Her color had returned to normal, and when he rested his hand lightly on the top of her head, her skin felt much cooler. He knew it was a small thing, and that he had no right to feel the relief that was coursing through him. But he couldn't help feeling that she was going to be alright.

He closed his eyes as he lifted his hand from her cheek. He didn't want to wake her. He settled down in the chair next to the bed, and just stared at her. He thought back to everything that had happened to them since that fateful day she had walked into the precinct and he had learned he had a daughter. It was too much; they deserved a break. He found himself longing for a boring life…no more trips to the hospital…no more fighting…no more bullshit. They'd had enough for a lifetime.

His world narrowed to a few things. He needed to get Olivia and the baby to at least 37 weeks. Then he was going to walk her down the aisle. And then they'd get their happily ever after.

He reached between the railing and gently curled his fingers around hers, mindful of her IV. He wanted to say something profound; his feelings for her ran so deep and telling her that he loved her always felt inadequate in some way. But the right words failed him at the moment. He squeezed her hand again, and hoped that she knew until he could find the right ones.


	63. Chapter 63

Olivia slept off and on all day, interrupted frequently by nurse taking her vital signs and other random people coming in for various reasons. Each time she woke, Elliot pushed himself out of the chair, pulling down his mask briefly to give her a big smile, but she could see the concern in his eyes. He'd ask how she was feeling or simply give her a kiss on her forehead, but she was so tired, it was just easier to close her eyes and go back to sleep.

She heard a rattling sound that stirred her from her sleep once again. The blinds were closed and the lights were dimmed, so she had no idea of the time. She felt disoriented and realized that she didn't even know how long she'd been there. Elliot was off his feet once again and standing at her side, and she could see the dark circles under his eyes.

She lifted her hand and he grasped it in his. "When's the last time you slept?" she said, her voice hoarse from sleep.

Elliot looked back at the lounge chair he'd been sitting in. "That chair is more comfortable than it looks."

Olivia smiled weakly. "You're a horrible liar."

She rubbed her free hand across her eyes, trying to wipe the sleep from her eyes. "What time is it?"

Elliot looked at his watch. "A little after 5."

"What day is it?"

"It's Monday."

Olivia wasn't sure exactly when she'd arrived at the hospital, but she knew it had been sometime Sunday night. It felt like she'd been here longer. "I want to go home."

"You're right where you're supposed to be right now." Elliot said, squeezing her hand gently. "Let's not rush it."

Olivia wasn't going to argue with him because frankly, she was worried. She pulled her hand from his and placed both hands on her belly. She could feel the baby moving around. She looked up at Elliot. "Is there anything you're not telling me?" She asked, staring right into his eyes.

Elliot shook his head. "No. Of course not. You just need to rest and they want to keep an eye on you. Your temp may be down, but you're still fighting the flu. We don't want you to go into labor."

"How long do I need to be here?"

Elliot shrugged his shoulders. "Don't know. Until you're better."

Olivia closed her eyes. Just the little bit of conversation was wearing her out. Her entire body ached and her back hurt, probably from sleeping in the same position. She opened her eyes and looked up at Elliot. "I want to get up and walk around." She hoped just moving a little bit would loosen her muscles a little.

Elliot looked towards the door, unsure about whether or not he should help her get out of bed. "I'm not sure that's a good idea."

"You can help me." She said. "Or don't you think you're strong enough to support me?"

Elliot raised an eyebrow and smirked. She thought she was being so smart, challenging him like that. "That's not going to work." He said. "You know I could carry you around this whole damn hospital if I wanted to."

"Then what's the problem?" she asked. "My back is killing me."

"Why don't we just adjust the bed and get you in a different position?"

Olivia closed her eyes, accepting his offer. She didn't really think she had the energy to get out of bed anyway. She just needed to relieve the ache. Elliot lowered the bed and flattened it out slightly. He put a hand on Olivia's shoulder and she rolled onto her side, facing him.

He leaned down towards her. "Is that better?" Before she could answer, he saw a tear escape and trail down her cheek. "Are you in that much pain?" he said, alarm in his voice.

"No." she choked out. "I don't understand why all of this happening." She had been so surprised when she'd gotten pregnant so quickly, especially at her age. It was like they defied all odds…she felt like some higher power was at work, giving them something they desperately wanted but had no right to expect. But now…she'd had two instances when the baby had been at risk. "Why can't I do this?"

Elliot ran a hand over her shoulder and down her arm, leaning over her. "No, don't talk like that. This isn't your fault. You got the flu. There's nothing you could have done to prevent that."

"Maybe this isn't meant to happen." She sobbed out. The pain at the thought of that tore through her.

Elliot pulled the mask away and let it dangle. "Liv. Stop. The baby is fine. It's just circumstances…you had no way to prevent the flu. You're going to be fine and the baby is going to be fine. We just have to get through the next 13 weeks." He ran his hand up and down her arm, trying to comfort her. He had been looking forward to going through this pregnancy with her, and for the most part, it had been great. All the things he had imagined…feeling the baby move beneath his hand…taking profile photos of Olivia and placing them in the baby book…reading stories to Elise and the baby at night. The one scare in the hospital had been brief, and everything had been going great since then. Now, he was focused on one thing, and that was keeping them both healthy until it was safe for her to deliver.

"I'm sorry." She said.

Elliot brushed the hair back from her eyes, knowing there was nothing he could say that was going to stop her from beating herself up over this; from feeling inadequate. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead, swiping the tears from her cheek. "You know there's nothing to be sorry about. Our little guy is going to be just fine."

She sniffled a little and looked up at him as he pulled back slightly. He crossed his arms on the railing, resting his chin on his crossed arms, a little smile on his face.

"You had to sneak that in there." She said, swiping at her own tears.

"You know it's a boy, Liv. A big, strong, healthy boy. Strong like his Mom."

She was amazed at the faith he had in her, especially when she didn't have faith in herself. She closed her eyes. "Lay with me." She wanted to feel him wrapped around her; she wanted to draw some strength and positivity from him.

"I'm not sure…"

"Please." She said softly.

Elliot looked at the door and then back at Olivia. She still had her eyes closed. He walked around the bed, toed off his shoes and lowered the railing on the bed. "Move over a little." He whispered, stealing a look back at the door.

Olivia shifted over towards the other railing and reached behind her, as if feeling if there was enough space. Elliot climbed on to the bed as gently as possible and lay down, tucking his left arm under his head. As soon as he was lying down, Olivia leaned back into him, and he heard a large sign escape as she relaxed against him. He slid his hand down her side and rested it on her hip.

"You want me to rub your back?" he asked, trying to slide his hand between their bodies.

"Just hold me."

Elliot slid his hand under her breasts and intertwined them with hers. She hugged their arms to her chest and dropped her head slightly. Elliot buried his face in her hair. "Everything's going to be fine." He knew he kept telling her that, but he didn't know what else to say to convince her. "I can picture us at home. You and me sitting on the couch with our baby in your arms, Elise snuggled up between us."

"Elise." Olivia said, her eyes flying open. She'd had fleeting thoughts of her as she fell in and out of sleep, but she hadn't asked who was taking care of her. Not that she didn't trust that Elliot had it covered, but she was her _mother_. How could she just forget about her child? "She must have been scared when you rushed me out of there in the middle of the night."

Elliot could hear the concern in her voice. "She's doing great. You don't need to worry about her. Don was with her when the ambulance came…"

"Ambulance?" She didn't remember riding in an ambulance. She let out a small groan. It was a good thing she was out of it or she would have hated that. "Everything is so foggy."

"I'll start from the beginning." Elliot spoke quietly, filling her in on everything that had happened since he'd been unable to roust her from her sleep on Sunday.

It was déjà vu when the nurse woke him up and scolded him for crawling in bed with Olivia. However, unlike the last nurse, there was a little tease in her voice when she told him she didn't want to catch him again. Olivia stirred, and told the nurse that she'd really like to get up and walk a little. The nurse told her she'd consider it, but it was time for another ultrasound and vital statistics.

Olivia looked over at Elliot. "Looks like I'm going to be tied up for a while. Maybe you should go home. Shower and get changed. Check on Elise. She must think we've abandoned her."

The nurse looked at Elliot, seeing the question in his expression. "Her temperature is still at 100, but it's stabilized. The flu normally runs 3-5 days, but I think we're moving in the right direction. If she continues to improve, we'll probably send her home tomorrow. She's in good hands here."

He looked at Olivia and saw she was nodding her head. He looked at his watch and saw it was a little before 7. If he hustled out of there, he could make it to Queens before Elise went to bed. "OK." He fished his phone out of his pocket. "I'll be back as quickly as I can."

The nurse motioned towards him and Elliot was unsure what she was doing. "And when you come back, you'd better be wearing that mask." She scolded.

Elliot reached up and touched the mask with his fingers. "Got it." He wanted to give Olivia a quick kiss, but he figured the nurse wasn't going to go for that. "I'll call you so you can talk to Elise."

Olivia smiled and then turned her attention back to the nurse.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot had called Kathy and told him he was coming, so when he pulled up and started walking up the front steps, Elise came tearing out of the front door and right into his arms.

"Daddy." Elise buried her face in his shoulder.

Elliot scooped her up and wrapped his arms around her. "Hi sweetie." He opened the door and walked into the house. Liz was standing just inside the door.

"How's Liv?" she asked.

Elliot shook his head, not wanting to talk about it in front of Elise.

Liz caught the message. "Sorry."

Elise placed one hand on each cheek and stared at Elliot. "Yeah Daddy. How's Liv?"

Elliot looked over at Elizabeth and saw her shrug. He looked back at his daughter. "You mean your mother? You don't call her Liv." He said. "And she's fine."

"Papa Don said she had to go have a check-up at the doctor. Like when I have to go. Did the doctor check her ears? Did he listen to her heart?" She dropped one hand to Elliot's chest. "Did she have to get a shot?" The questions were pouring out of her. "I hate to get shots. Mommy says it will only hurt for a second but she's wrong. It hurts longer than that. And one time they didn't have any princess Band-Aids and I had to have a Batman Band-Aid and I didn't like that so I asked Mommy if we could stop and get new Band-Aids at the store but she just did a sigh and told me no."

Elliot let out a sigh of his own and Elise laughed. "That's like what Mommy does some times and I asked her why she does that and she says it's to let the 'frustion out but she said it only works sometimes. What's 'frustion?"

Elizabeth must have been able to see that Elliot's nerves were on edge because she put her hands around Elise's waist and swung her away from her dad. "Hey squirt. Why don't you go get the pictures you painted? They should be dry by now."

Elise started running towards the kitchen as Elizabeth slid her arms around her dad. Elliot wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "Thank you." He gave her a squeeze. "I don't know what I would have done without you over the past few months." He looked up and saw Kathy walking down the stairs. "Hey Kath." He said, releasing Elizabeth. Liz turned and headed towards the kitchen as Kathy walked over to Elliot. She had her arms folded in front of her and she stopped a few feet away.

"You look like hell." She said.

"Thanks."

"When's the last time you slept?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I've slept off and on."

"How's Olivia?"

Elliot moved his head from side to side, indicating his indecision on how to answer that question. "Fine I guess. We just have to let the flu run its course. They gave her some meds and her temp is down. Baby seems to be OK. They keep doing ultrasounds and gauging the baby's movement. I think that mostly they're concerned about pre-term labor."

Kathy nodded, her lips pressed together tightly. "They're going to be OK Elliot."

Elliot dropped his head. A few seconds later, he felt Kathy's hands on his arms. He looked up and pulled her towards him, letting his head fall on her shoulder as her arms wrapped around him. He felt her hand on his back and he could hear her repeating that everything was going to be OK. After a minute or so, he lifted his head and pulled out of her embrace. He scrubbed his hand over his face and looked at Kathy.

"I know. I think it's all just hitting me right now. But I have faith. Things are already moving in the right direction." He swiped his hand over his mouth. "Just 13 more weeks." It was like a mantra in his head right now.

"She's probably going to have to take it easy." Kathy said. "Maybe we can have Elise here a few days or…"

Elliot interrupted her. "Kath. I don't even know how to thank you for everything you've already done. These past few months, you and the girls have stepped in and helped so much. We couldn't have gotten here without you."

"It was the least…"

"Don't. Please don't diminish what you've done. I know we've had some rough times, and the only thing I had asked was for us to all get along. To get past what happened and lose all the animosity. But I never expected you to step in and take care of Elise. I don't know many women that would have done what you've done for us, and I don't even know how to even thank you. To not have to worry about her while we deal with this is such a relief."

"I'm not going to lie and say it's not hard sometimes. But you have to know I would never take out my frustration on a little girl."

"I know that."

Kathy put up her hand, letting him know not to interrupt. "Like I said, it's hard sometimes. But…I'd also be lying if I said it didn't feel good to let go of some of that anger. There's a lot less tension and I feel like the kids are happier overall. Like they can feel the change." She put a hand on his bicep. "And that's good."

Elliot nodded. "I owe Liz big time too."

"That's gonna cost you, you know." Kathy said.

Elliot nodded and smiled. "I know."

Elise and Elizabeth came out of the kitchen, and Elliot could see her hands were full of papers. He sat down on the couch and let Elise show him everything she had painted.

"When are we going home Daddy?" Elise asked. "I want my other dolls and my pink dress and my lighted up shoes."

Elliot didn't want to ask Kathy to keep her another day, but he knew Liz had school. He knew he could take Elise to school in the morning, but he really wanted to go back to the hospital tonight. And he needed to be there when Olivia was released.

"Kathleen only has two classes tomorrow." Kathy offered, as if reading his mind. "When I called her to give her an update, she said to let you know that she can come over tonight and stay with Elise and help you out tomorrow. Or…she's welcome to stay here too."

Elise crawled on his lap. "I want to see Mommy." Elise said. She lay her head on Elliot's shoulder. "I want to go home."

Elliot buried his face in her hair and gave her a kiss. "OK baby, I'll take you home." He stood up with Elise in his arms. "Let's get your things."

Dickie came banging in the front door as Elise and Liz went to get her things.

"Hey." He said, stopping when he saw his Dad. "What's up?"

"I'm just here to pick up Elise." Elliot said. "I have to get back to the hospital."

"Everything OK?"

"Yeah. I think so."

"Good." Said Dick. He shifted back and forth on his feet. "I know you got a lot of things going on right now, but I have a basketball game on Saturday…"

Elliot felt bad then, realizing that while he'd seen Liz and Kathleen pretty regularly, he hadn't really spent any time with his son. "I'll be there." He said. "Just let me know what time. And then maybe we can go grab some pizza or something after." He saw Dick's face brighten and he reminded himself that he needed to do a better job. Even though they were teenagers and acted like they didn't want him around most of the time…he knew they did. He wrapped a hand around the back of Dick neck and squeezed gently. "Thanks for reminding me."

Dick smiled and took off up the stairs, passing Elise and Elizabeth. Words were exchanged, but Elliot couldn't tell what they were. He saw Dick stop at the top of the stairs and he turned back to look down at his Dad. "I swear Dad. This one better be a boy."

EOEOEOEO

Elliot picked up Kathleen on the way back to his apartment. Elise was sound asleep when they arrived and Elliot carried her up while Kathleen carried their bags. When they got up to their apartment, Elliot unlocked the door and Kathleen walked in ahead of him. Elliot was about to open the door when he saw movement to his right. He turned, and saw a man coming out the apartment next door.

The man walked towards him, avoiding eye contact. He looked up at Elliot briefly and then back down at the floor. He stopped a few feet away.

"Can I help you?" Elliot asked.

Before the man could answer, Kathleen came and took Elise out of his arms and disappeared into the apartment.

"Where's Olivia?" he asked.

Elliot furrowed his brow. He realized this must be the neighbor Olivia was talking about before and he tried to remember his name. "You're Stewart? Steve?"

"Steven." The man said in an annoyed tone.

Elliot noticed that Steven wasn't looking at him. "Steven." He was trying to get a read on this guy. Olivia had said he was introverted, but he felt like there was something else going on. "Why're you interested in where Olivia is?"

"I just need to know what happened to her." he asked, briefly glancing up at Elliot before he looked back at the floor. "I saw the ambulance come and I saw them take her away. Where is she?"

Elliot cocked his head slightly. He didn't have the time…and he wasn't in the mood for this. "You spying on her?" He took a step towards him and Steven took a step back, glancing behind him. "You stay away from her." Elliot said, stabbing his finger at him.

"Olivia is nice to me." Steven said. "Who are you?"

Elliot was surprised that he had the nerve to ask him. The guy seemed to have some issues, and Elliot knew he could be intimidating on a normal day. This wasn't a normal day. He was getting downright pissed. "I'm her husband." He said, opening the door. He looked at him pointedly. "Stay the fuck away from her." He went into his apartment and slammed the door, leaving Steven in the hall.


	64. Chapter 64

Olivia woke up and looked over at the lounge chair. She was surprised to see that Elliot wasn't in it. She wasn't sure what time it was, but she knew it had been several hours since he'd left. She saw the door opening and she smiled, sure that it was Elliot. Her smile faded when she saw the nurse come through the door.

She asked the nurse what time it was, and was surprised to find it was almost midnight. She didn't have her cell phone, so she couldn't even text him. She looked at the landline by her bed, but she didn't want to call him when she had no idea where he was. Horrible thoughts started running through her mind. He could have gotten in a car accident on the way to Queens. He could have been called in to work and something happened. There weren't many reasons that she could think of that would keep him from being in contact with her. Nothing good at least.

"Are you OK?" the nurse asked.

Olivia nodded. "Yes. I was just wondering where my…fiancé…is." The word sounded strange, even though they'd been engaged for months.

"I haven't seen him. Do you want me to try to contact him?"

Olivia shook her head. She knew if Elliot wasn't there with her, there had to be a good reason."

"Good news." The nurse said. "Your temperature is down. 99 degrees." She smiled at Olivia. "I think you'll be going home tomorrow like we planned." She listened to the baby's heartbeat. "That sounds good." She looked back at Olivia. "Are you feeling any cramping at all?"

Olivia shook her head. "Not at all."

The nurse patted her arm. "Good." She punched a few things into the computer and turned back to Olivia. "Can I get you anything?"

"No. Thank you."

"Then get some rest."

EOEOEOEO

Elliot felt someone shaking him and he woke up, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Dad."

He narrowed his eyes. "Kathleen? What's wrong? What's going on?" He couldn't figure out where he was and he looked around the room. He realized he was in Elise's room.

"I heard you yelling." She said.

He looked over at Elise and saw she was still sleeping. "I was yelling?"

"I fell asleep watching a movie in your room. And then I heard you yelling and I found you in here."

Elliot remembered lying down with Elise after she had woken up, missing Olivia. He had soothed her back to sleep, promising her that she could see her mother the next day. He must have fallen asleep. He didn't remember any dream…or what sounded like a nightmare.

"It's fine. Go back to bed." Elliot said. "I'm sorry I woke you." He stood up and kissed Kathleen on the forehead. "Good night." He covered up Elise and followed Kathleen out of her room. He watched her shuffle down the hall towards his bedroom and he headed into the bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face, trying to wake himself up. He walked out to the kitchen, and snagged his watch off the counter. 4:15AM.

 _Damn it_. Olivia must be wondering where the hell he was. He knew he couldn't call her at this hour, and he debated going down to the hospital. He decided instead to call the nurses station to get an update, and to leave a message for Olivia. Once he got through, he learned she was sleeping well and her condition had improved. He left a message that he would be there early in the morning. He grabbed a throw off the back of the couch and stretched out, falling back asleep almost immediately.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot was at the hospital by 8AM. When he got there, he saw Olivia's bed was empty and he panicked for a moment until he heard noises in the bathroom. He waited about five minutes before he saw Olivia and a nurse coming out of the bathroom. Her hair was wet and she was wrapped in a robe. The nurse had one arm on her arm and the other positioned behind her back, not grasping her but obviously ready to help her if Olivia faltered.

"I guess you're feeling better." Elliot said.

Olivia looked up and gave him a weak smile. "I wanted to take a shower so I could feel human."

She stopped in front of Elliot and the nurse hesitated.

"You need to get back into bed." She said. "You're still weak."

Elliot wanted to scoop her up and put her back to bed, but he knew the nurse had to get be responsible for her. He watched as Olivia climbed back into bed gingerly and got settled. As soon as the nurse was gone, he leaned in and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead.

"You're lucky the nurse from last night isn't here or she'd be kicking your ass for not having your mask on."

"Oh shit. I forgot about that. I'm going to go get one."

Olivia shook her head. "I'm feeling a lot better El. I'm just weak because I haven't really eaten anything." She motioned towards a tray. "But I'm going to try." She lifted her left hand. "They took out the IV and I really think I'm going to be going home today."

"Speaking of home…I'm really sorry I didn't make it back last night."

"I got your message. It's fine. I knew you were taking care of Elise and that's more important than sitting here and watching me sleep."

"Maybe I like to watch you sleep."

Olivia shook her head and smiled. "So how is Elise doing?"

"She's fine. She misses you. I thought about bringing her down today but I didn't think that was a good idea."

"She's home?"

"Yeah. She wanted to come home and Kathleen volunteered to help out. She's going to drop her off at school when she has to go to class."

"I don't know what we'd do without Kathy and your kids helping out." Olivia said, shaking her head. "We owe them."

"I told Kathy the same thing yesterday. She's done more than I ever expected."

Olivia pressed her lips together and nodded. She didn't even know what to say. Five years ago, she never would have believed things would have worked out this way.

"I was thinking about things…" Elliot started. He was trying to choose his words carefully because he wasn't sure how Olivia was going to react. "Well, you're going to need to take it easy for a while and I work odd hours and I can't always be home and you can't be chasing Elise around…"

"The doctor said that I need to take it easy for a few days, but I should be able to go back to my daily routine."

"Yeah, but…you know, sometimes we run into issues and we need someone to watch Elise and so I was thinking that maybe we should hire a nanny. Just part-time. Someone to pick Elise up from school and you out if I'm stuck at work or…" He looked up at Olivia and saw her jaw was set. "I'm not saying you can't take care of Elise. Or yourself." He needed her to understand that it wasn't because he questioned her capability. He was just focused on getting them through until the birth of the baby.

Olivia was trying hard to hear him out. She'd actually thought he was going to tell her to quit her job, so she was mildly surprised in the direction he had taken the conversation. She bridled a little at the thought that she couldn't take care of their daughter, but she also knew that she didn't like relying on Kathy and Liz and Kathleen all the time.

"I don't know. We can't really afford that, can we?"

Elliot was surprised she hadn't objected immediately. "Kathleen mentioned she has a friend that's looking for some extra cash. We could just have her help out a little each day…maybe pick up Elise from school and help until I get home so she can count on some regular hours. And then if we need help at other times, she can step in." He hesitated a moment to see if she wanted to interject but she seemed to be thinking it through. "Of course, we have to meet with her…make sure we're comfortable with her and that Elise likes her."

Olivia considered what he was saying and she knew he was right.

Elliot picked up her hand. "Olivia, you know this doesn't mean I don't think you're capable of taking care of yourself or Elise, so please don't think that. I just think it'll help us out over the next several weeks." He squeezed her hand. "We've had Kathy and Liz and Kathleen help us out, so this isn't any different."

Olivia nodded. She knew they couldn't keep relying on them. "I know." She looked down at their hands and then back up at Elliot. "It's just short term, right?"

"Yeah, let's just see how it goes." Elliot said, nodding his head. He hoped that once they had someone in place, Olivia would see how helpful it was. "I'll talk to Kathleen and see when she can come over this week so we can talk to her."

"OK." Olivia agreed.

Elliot pulled the tray over and lifted the lid. "Let's eat." He made a face when he saw the oatmeal and toast.

Olivia smiled at the look on his face. "I need something bland. I haven't eaten since Saturday. And it's…" She tried to remember what day it was.

"Tuesday." Elliot supplied helpfully.

"I'm anxious to get home." Olivia said. "I still can't believe you called 9-1-1 and had me hauled here in an ambulance." She was shaking her head as she took a small bite of toast. She knew that there was always a crowd around when an ambulance landed at any spot in this city. She hated the thought of being hauled out on a stretcher with a crowd of unknown people staring at her.

"Hey, I'm glad you brought that up."

Olivia looked up from her meal. "Yeah?"

"I was coming home last night with Kathleen and Elise, and I met that neighbor you mentioned. Steven." Elliot shook his head. "I don't know Liv. There's something off about that guy."

"He's a little shy." Olivia said.

"There's something else. He couldn't even make eye contact with me for more than a second. He asked where you were and what happened to you and he got a little agitated when I wouldn't tell him."

Olivia could only imagine the conversation. "What did you say to him?" she said, a little impatience in her voice.

"I told him to leave you alone."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "You probably scared the shit out of him. He's been nothing by nice and helpful to me. That day he helped me at the grocery store, he talked to me a little and he's harmless."

"Do you ever think it's weird how often he seems to be in the same place you are?"

"No, I don't. But sometimes I think it's weird how you make something out of nothing."

"My gut tells me the guys a creep."

"And my gut tells me he's just some poor, shy guy that has no friends."

Elliot wanted to argue with her, but he knew now wasn't the time. He hoped the guy got his message and just kept the hell away from her.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia was sitting at the table drinking some tea when Elliot and Elise walked in the door. Elliot had gone back to work on Wednesday and Kathleen had helped out over the next few days, but he'd waved her off today. It was a rare Friday afternoon when he was able to leave work at a rational time and pick up his daughter from school.

Elise ran over and gave her mother a hug, and started launching into the details of her day. Olivia listened intently, and she glanced up at Elliot as he stopped and gave her a quick kiss. She watched as he walked down the hallway towards the bedroom and then turned her attention back to Elise.

When Elise had exhausted her tales, she ran off to her bedroom to play. Olivia went down to their bedroom and saw Elliot walking out of the bathroom grasping a towel around his waist. He smirked when he saw her trail her eyes up and down his body.

"Can I help you?" he teased as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Yeah, drop the towel." She said, giving him a sultry look.

He walked over towards her but stopped a foot away. "Sorry, but that's not going to happen."

Olivia reached up and put her hand over his, tugging at his hand and the towel. "It feels like it's been forever." She said.

"It's the hormones talking and it's been longer than I want too. But we're going to have to wait just a little longer."

She tugged on the towel again. "Patience isn't one of my virtues." She said, dropping her tone.

She knew they couldn't have sex. The doctor had told her to give it a week or so until she was 100%. But Elliot had barely even touched her. "You could at least kiss me."

Elliot smiled at her. "Kiss you huh?" He looked over at the door and saw it was closed. "Elise is just down the hall."

"It's just a kiss." She said.

The innuendo in her tone went right to his groin.

Olivia smiled when she saw the look on his face. "What, you're afraid to kiss your wife?" she asked, looking up at him through her lashes.

"I know that look and I know you've got more on your mind than just a kiss."

Olivia ran her eyes down his body again, and ran her tongue over her bottom lip. She grabbed the edge of the towel and tugged again. "You're scared of me?"

Elliot nodded with a smile. "Yes."

He leaned in and captured her lips. He rested his left hand on the bed and cradled her face with his other hand. She opened her mouth to him and slid her tongue in between his lips. Elliot's hand left her face and he ran it down to her shoulder. He pushed against her gently and she lay down on the bed, adjusting herself slightly. He climbed up on the bed, placing one knee on either side of her thighs. He held himself up slightly, mindful of the baby, and deepened the kiss. He ran one hand through her hair, tangling his fingers as he devoured her mouth.

Olivia moaned into his mouth and ran a hand down his side. When she reached the towel, she tugged at it until it came off. Elliot broke the kiss.

"Hey." He pretended to be offended.

Olivia ran her hand around the back of his neck. "Don't worry about it." She said, pulling his mouth back to hers. Elliot shifted and she could feel his erection against her hip. She slid her hand down his side to his hip, grazing his erection with her hand. Elliot jolted and grunted into her mouth. He pulled his mouth from hers. "Liv. Don't."

"I know we can't have sex, but that doesn't mean I can't…"

His mouth crashed down on hers, cutting her off. He reached down and grabbed her hand, pinning it to the bed by her shoulder.

She turned her head away from him, and he found himself with his mouth against her cheek. He lifted his head and she turned back to face him. She had a small smile on her face. "You like cold showers?" she asked. She lifted her hips slightly. "Because I'd be happy to take care of that."

Elliot shook his head. "Don't." He rasped again, dropping his mouth against her neck. He released her hand and pressed his hand against her hip, holding her against the bed.

Olivia turned her head, finding her mouth close to his ear. "Don't you want to feel my mouth slide…"

Elliot lifted his head sharply, knocking her jaw. "Don't. That's not happening." No way he was having his pregnant girlfriend go down on him. He swung his body and lay down next to her, throwing his arms across his eyes.

Olivia lifted herself up on her elbows and then moved onto her side. She splayed her palm on his chest and started sliding it down his abdomen. "It's never bothered you before." She teased. Elliot lifted his arms from his face, and placed one on top of hers, stopping her hand from wandering further south.

"Liv." He choked out. He hated how much he wanted her. How little control he had over his body around her. A few deep kisses…a few swipes of her tongue…a few moans…that was all it took to make him hard as hell for her.

She placed a few kisses on his chest and he tangled his fingers in her hair. She looked down his body and clenched her muscles when she saw his erection. She wanted him…not being able to have sex was just as hard for her as it was for him. She licked her lips subconsciously and she heard Elliot groan. She looked up at him and saw he was watching her.

"Elliot." She rasped out. She placed another kiss on his chest. In between kisses, she kept watching him, and smiled to herself when she saw him close his eyes. The pressure of his hand on hers lessened, and she started to slide her hand down his body. She could tell her was only going to let things go so far, and he had obviously decided her mouth was out of the question, but her hand seemed to be OK.

She adjusted herself against his body, and Elliot slid his arm around her to support her. She was still on her side, her belly resting on his side as she moved her mouth over his. She slid her tongue into his mouth as she slid her hand down the length of him and he groaned into her mouth.

He closed his eyes as she kissed him, his focus on her hand that was sliding down his erection. Her long fingers were wrapped around him and she was setting a maddeningly slow pace. He ripped his mouth from hers. "Fuck." The word tore from his mouth as she increased the pressure and the pace.

Olivia started peppering his neck with kisses as she worked him with her hand. She trailed her tongue up to his ear and bit down lightly on his earlobe. "I know you want to fuck me." She rasped in his ear. "Just imagine my legs are wrapped around you and you're buried soooo deep inside of me."

Elliot groaned again and pulled her head up and her mouth against hers. The words she was practically moaning in his ear made him want to roll her over on her back and drive deep inside of her, and he knew that couldn't happen.

He kissed her hungrily as she continued her ministrations. She would get him close to the edge, then slow down, driving him insane. Finally, he could feel himself getting close and she must have known it too, not backing off this time. He wrenched his mouth from hers as he felt his impending climax. "Fuck." He gasped out again and felt his orgasm take over. Her fingers were wrapped around him as he came, releasing himself on his stomach. He felt her hand slide from him as she placed a quick kiss on his jaw. She rolled over on her back as he tried to slow his breathing.

He looked over at her and saw she had his towel in her hand and her eyes were closed. "Liv." He rasped out and she turned to face him, opening her eyes. "I shouldn't have…" He hadn't stopped her but now he felt like kind of a shit because he couldn't return the favor. He knew she had to be as worked up as he was, probably even more.

"Knock it off. I wanted to."

He rolled over on his side towards her. "Yeah, but it's not fair. On a scale of 1-10, how worked up…"

She cut him off. "12." She laughed. "It's OK. I'll live. And when I get clearance from the doctor, your ass is mine."


	65. Chapter 65

_This is a bit of a short update. Sorry about that. But I wanted to get an update out while I had the time because the next few days are going to be crazy. This "quick" update is devoted to_ _ **writersrefinery**_ _and she knows why. (Sending vibes your way_ _ **WR**_ _)._

EOEOEOEO

Elliot and Olivia had met with Kathleen's friend Samantha the day after she got home from the hospital. They had really hit it off, and they had decided that she would come and spend some time with Elise and Olivia at the apartment on Saturday while Elliot went to Dick's basketball game and spent some time with him. That way, Olivia could see how she interacted with her and it would put her mind at ease. If there were no alarm bells, Sam would start on Monday when Olivia went back to work. Olivia also knew that while Elliot had offered that up as the reason, he wanted someone there to help her out while he was gone.

Elise was absolutely enamored of Sam, and Olivia began to feel a bit like a third wheel as those two launched into a new craft project. Truthfully, she was itching to get out of the house. She felt like she'd been on house arrest, with Elliot refusing to let her do anything herself.

"You know…" Olivia started. "You two don't need me here. I think I'm just going to run out for a few minutes if you don't mind."

Sam had no idea of what had been going on with Olivia, and obviously Elliot hadn't pulled her aside and given her a heads up about having her stay put because she looked up at Olivia and smiled, and told her they would be fine. Olivia was fairly certain the girl was probably happy that she wasn't going to be under Olivia's watchful eye.

"El?" Olivia asked, reaching across the table and trying to get her daughter's attention. "Do you mind if Mommy runs out for a bit and you stay here with Sam?"

Elise barely even looked up at her. "I'm working on something." She said, frustration in her voice at being interrupted.

Olivia smiled. "I take that as a no."

She stood up and walked towards the door, snagging a book off the end table. She grabbed her coat off the coatrack in the entryway and tried to fit it around her belly. She couldn't believe how much bigger she'd gotten in just a week. She turned back towards Elise and Sam. "El. Be a good girl. And when Daddy gets back…" She was about to remind her that the Halloween party was later on this afternoon, but then changed her mind. Elise would drive Sam crazy wanting to put on her costume. Luckily, Elise ignored her. Sam looked at her with a question in her eyes. "Never mind."

"OK." Sam said. "Enjoy yourself."

"You have my number if you need anything, right?" Olivia asked.

Sam nodded. "We're good."

Olivia slipped out the door, feeling a bit like a fugitive. She wasn't doing anything wrong, but she knew Elliot had wanted her to rest before the Halloween party this afternoon. What he didn't understand was that she felt absolutely fine. She was tired of resting. She needed to get out of the house. She wanted to fresh air and exercise.

She pushed through the door of the apartment building and ended up on the sidewalk, trying to decide where to go. She hoisted her bag up on her shoulder and decided to head off to her favorite coffee shop a block and half away. The walk wasn't strenuous, and it sound great just to curl up in an oversized chair there (well, as curled up as she could be), have a hot tea and read a little. She would love the noise and the hustle of people around her since she'd been cooped up in the hospital and then at home, mostly by herself as Elise went to school and Elliot went to work.

She air was crisp as she made her way to the coffee shop. She saw lots of people out and about, many with kids in Halloween costumes. She knew they were going to have fun with Elise this afternoon. There were lots of games, with face-painting and snacks. It was quite different from Halloween in Connecticut, where they still went door to door, trick-or-treating. But Elise had been so small, she didn't really remember, and hadn't been put off at the thought of doing something different.

Olivia pushed her way into the coffee shop, standing in line and loving the warmth after the cool wind during her walk. Her cheeks were pink from the cold, and she rubbed her hands together. She made a mental note to bring mittens for Elise, and already dreaded the argument she was going to get about wearing it with her costume.

She got her tea and found a nice, cozy chair by the window. She took off her coat and was glad to see that the sun was shining in, making it warm despite the cold air that snuck in every time someone opened the door to enter. She pulled out her book and settled in, smiling to herself that something so simple felt absolutely wonderful.

She'd been reading for about an hour when she realized she was a little hungry. She looked up and saw the coffee shop had cleared out a little. She went back to the counter and got a muffin and some warm cocoa. She hated to admit it, but she was getting a little tired. She was going to eat her muffin and drink her cocoa, and maybe head back to take a nap. She looked at her watch and saw it was almost 1 already. She didn't realize how long she'd been sitting there. She checked her phone to see if she'd missed any messages from Sam, but didn't see any. She considered checking in, but decided against it. She liked Sam and felt completely at ease with her. She didn't want her to think Olivia was checking up on her. Olivia knew Elliot would probably be back by 2, and she wanted to make sure she was home by then. She shook her head at herself. She was a grown woman and she could do what she wanted, but she knew he'd be unhappy and she just didn't want to get into it with him today.

She was halfway through her muffin and absorbed in her book when she saw a shadow cross over her. She looked up and saw Steven standing there, looking down at the floor and shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

"Steven." She said, setting down her book.

"I was wondering where you were." He said, shifting his gaze to her face. "I was worried about you."

Olivia smiled, remembering the conversation Elliot had relayed to her. "Yeah, it was a bit of a commotion. I had to go to the hospital."

Steven sat down in the chair across from her. "That man told me it was none of my business." He said earnestly. "I tried to tell him that you were my friend."

Olivia noticed the agitation in his voice and she was a little taken aback. When she'd talked to him before, he'd been fairly pleasant, and extremely shy. She'd thought maybe he was a little slow, but certainly nice enough. Non-threatening. But now, the agitation in his voice seemed a little more threatening, and she wondered if it was just Elliot's perception that had jaded her opinion of him, or if she was seeing a different side of him.

"We are friends." She said. She noticed that her words seemed to calm him a bit and she saw him nod. She decided it would be a good idea to get to know a little more about him; she didn't want to buy into Elliot's cynicism. Not everyone was a creep. She had learned that he had a job at a local bookstore when they'd spoken before, which had launched into a somewhat jilted conversation about books. But beyond that, she didn't really know much else. "So, have you lived in this neighborhood for a long time?"

He nodded and she saw confusion on his voice; perhaps he was thrown by the change in conversation. He didn't answer for a minute, but Olivia didn't push him. "I grew up here."

"In the apartment you live in now?" Olivia asked.

Steven nodded.

"Oh, so you know the neighborhood pretty well then." She said, just trying to make conversation. "So, do you live alone or do you have a roommate?"

"I live with my mother." He said quickly. "She needs my help."

Olivia couldn't help but feel small alarm bells go off. Nothing major. But she couldn't begin to count the number of times that many of the creeps and pervs they'd dealt with had Mommy issues. Still, Steve seemed a little slow, so she wondered if he was really the one that needed help or couldn't live independently. She still couldn't pinpoint what it was…he had a job, he could hold a conversation, even if it was awkward. Some type of autism? Low IQ? Or some kind of creep with an inferiority complex and a strange attachment to his mother? It bothered her that her usually great ability to assess someone's character wasn't working. Still, she wasn't feeling the hairs on the back of her neck stand up or anything else, except for that initial alarm at the comment about his mother.

"Is she ill?" Olivia asked, responding to his comment.

"She was…" his voice trailed off. "That man said he was your husband."

"What?" Olivia asked before she had fully processed the comment. "Oh, Elliot." She nodded. "Well, he's not my husband yet. But we're going to get married."

"I don't think he's right for you. He was yelling at me and told me to stay away from you. I told him we were friends and that he had to tell me where you were because I needed to come see you."

Olivia blanched slightly then, Elliot's words coming back to her. _Was he following her around?_ She did run into him an inordinate number of times. She had just figured it was because she was around more than she had been in any other apartment she lived in. Isn't that what normal people did? Got to know their neighbors?

She looked up at Steven, and saw he was leaning forward now, his fingers clenching the table. She decided she needed to choose her words carefully, because right now, she really didn't know what she was dealing with. "He must not have understood that we're friends." She said. "He was upset because I was in the hospital."

"Maybe if you weren't having a baby you wouldn't be sick." He said, pointing at her belly. "Maybe he doesn't know how to take care of you. I could take care of you. I took care of my Mom and I know what to do."

Olivia heard her phone buzz but she didn't want to take her eyes off Steven. The conversation had officially turned creepy and she wasn't sure where to go from here. She didn't feel like she was in danger. They were in a public place and there were lots of people around.

Steven continued. "You can be my girlfriend. I've never had a girlfriend. You're so pretty and when I saw you I told my friend Nathan that you were going to be my girlfriend and he didn't believe me but I showed him your picture and he thinks you're pretty too."

Olivia still didn't know what to make of the bizarre conversation or his odd behavior. It was an odd mix of concern about his mental state and his hold on reality, mixed with a little fear. She really thought he was slow; had some diminished mental capacity. But there was a level of instability in him as well. She picked up her phone. "I need to get this message." She said, never taking her eyes off of him as she picked up her phone.

"But we're talking." He said.

Olivia could see the message on her lock screen. _"Where are you?"_

She smiled and set the phone back down. "You're right. Would you mind doing something for me?" she asked sweetly. "Would you mind getting me some more tea?"

"Yes. I'll do that for you." He stood up and walked over to the counter. He kept looking back at her, and Olivia knew it would be harder to slip out than she had planned. She wasn't exactly quick in her current state. When he had turned his back, she quickly opened Elliot's message. "Coffee shop. Join me." She slipped her phone back on the table before Steven came back with her tea. She reached up to take it from him, and he almost dropped the tea as her fingers accidentally grazed his as she took it from him.

She could tell he was a little agitated now and she tried to steer the conversation into safer territory. "So tell me again about your job."

"I love my job. Books are so wonderful. There are so many great stories."

Olivia leaned back in her seat and listened as he rambled on about his favorite stories, never seeming to take a breath. She knew Elliot wouldn't hesitate tearing out the door; that he was probably preparing his speech about how she should be taking it easy. When he saw Steven there, he was going to lose it. But she didn't know how else to get out of the situation. She needed to get home and pay a visit next door and talk to his mother and find out exactly what they were dealing with.

Steve was still rambling on when Olivia saw Elliot walk through the door and look around. She tried not to show any reaction when she saw him, and when he saw her, she could see the anger in his face. She shook her head almost imperceptibly as she blew on her tea, and Elliot seemed to understand her silent communication.

He sauntered up casually, stopping between Olivia and Steven. "Olivia." He said. "What are you doing here?" he asked. "You're supposed to be home resting."

Olivia could see Steven shrink back from Elliot and silently, she was grateful that he was intimidated by him. "I was just having some tea when my friend Steven showed up." She said, a smile on her face.

"Ah, Steven." Elliot stuck out his hand. "We met the other day."

Steve looked at Elliot's outstretched hand, but didn't take it. "You wouldn't tell me where Olivia was."

Olivia sat up slightly. "I told you that Elliot was just upset. I'm sure he's glad you were concerned about me. Right?" She looked up at him and nodded.

"Yeah. No hard feelings, huh?" He was gritting his teeth. What was this bullshit? He played along with Olivia, but what he really wanted to do was grab him by the scruff of his neck and tell him to stay the fuck away from his girlfriend/fiancée/soon-to-be-wife.

Steven still didn't respond. His attention was focused on Olivia.

Elliot had lost the little patience he had. "Liv, we need to get going." He said, holding out his hand to her.

"You don't have to leave with him." Steven said. "You can come to my house with me."

"Steven. I'd love to come over to your place sometime. Meet your mother and everything. But right now, Elliot and I have someplace we need to be." Olivia said, starting to stand up and collect her things.

Steven stood up, clearly agitated that she was leaving. But he looked over at Elliot and he took a step back. "You'll come see me?" he asked.

Olivia smiled as Elliot helped her with her coat. "Yes. Of course."

"OK." He said with a waver in his voice. His eyes darted back and forth between Olivia and Elliot, but he didn't say anything else.

"Thanks for the tea." Olivia said as she moved away from the table with Elliot's hand on her lower back. "It was good to talk to you."

"Remember what I said." He said, his eyes casting down to the floor once again.

Olivia looked up at Elliot, but she didn't say anything else, letting him guide her out of the coffee shop.

As soon as they were outside, Elliot erupted. "What the fuck was that?" he asked, stopping on the sidewalk just a few step away.

Olivia tugged at him and stared heading towards their apartment. "Not here."

Elliot caught up to her and stopped her with a hand on her arm. "Now do you believe me when I tell you that guy is following you around?" He asked. "Why did you go out? What the hell did he say to you?"

Olivia shot him a look and then looked back towards the coffee shop. "I don't know. I honestly don't know." She was re-running the entire encounter over in her head. "Can we please just go home and talk about this?" She was worried he was going to follow them out of the coffee shop. "I'll tell you everything he said there."

Elliot saw the look of concern on her face. "Did he _threaten_ you?" He was angry now, and he turned back towards the coffee shop. "That son-of-a-bitch."

Olivia caught him by the arm. " _Please_." She hissed. "Just take me home."


	66. Chapter 66

Elliot knew Olivia wanted to wait to talk until they got home, but he was having trouble holding his tongue. He wanted to know what the hell has been going on with their next door neighbor, but he also wanted to know why she'd left home in the first place

"I thought we agreed that you were going to stay home and rest today. That's why Sam came over."

"Sam came over so she could get to know Elise a little better and so I could have a break."

" A break so you could rest."

Olivia let out a sigh of frustration. "I _was_ resting! I just went down to the coffee shop. I needed to get out of the house." She swiped her hair back from her face. "I've been cooped up for a week and just wanted a change of scenery."

"But you didn't let Sam or anyone know where you went. What if something happened?"

Olivia rolled her eyes and stopped. They were just outside then door to their apartment building. " _Christ_. I walked about a block and a half and I wasn't planning on being gone very long. And this is why! Do you want me to wear a GPS tracker?"

Elliot tried to calm down. He really didn't mean to get so agitated about this. "I was just surprised when I got home and Sam said you hadn't been home for hours and she didn't know where you went." He put a hand on her shoulder. "You just got home from the hospital."

Olivia shrugged his hand for her shoulder. "Almost five days ago." She opened the door and started through. "You're being ridiculous."

Elliot was frustrated because she didn't understand. He wasn't upset that she had gone down to the coffee shop. He was upset that she didn't let anyone know where she was. Especially when he saw Steven sitting there with her. He jogged and caught up with her at the elevator. "How do you think I felt when I walked in and saw that Steven guy sitting there with you?" He had seen the slight look of concern on her face when he had walked in. Mild alarm even. It was the reason he had handled it the way he had.

The elevator reached their floor and Elliot put a hand on her arm to stop her before they reached the apartment. "Are you going to tell me what happened there?"

Olivia spun to face him. "Yes. But not right now." She wanted to think through it a little to see if she was overreacting to the conversation or sequence of events before Elliot got involved. Her expression softened a bit. She put her hand on Elliot's; it was still grasping her upper arm lightly. "Let's just get Elise into her costume and go to the party and have some fun and we can talk about it later."

"Liv. I think that guys following you. I don't like him."

"I don't think there's anything to worry about." She wasn't sure as she said the words but she wanted to get off the topic until she'd had a chance to think about it. "But if there is, you don't have to worry about it right now because you'll be with me the whole time."

Elliot looked dubious. "But we _will_ talk about it later." He didn't want her to think he was going to let it go and she could avoid the conversation by promising to talk later.

"Yes." She pulled her arm from Elliot's grasp and opened the door to their apartment. She saw Sam sitting on the couch watching TV and Elise sound asleep next to her.

Sam disentangled herself and walked over to Olivia and Elliot. "That girl plays hard and then crashes hard." She said with a laugh.

"She can be a handful. I didn't mean to be gone so long." Olivia said, quickly apologizing. "I hope she wasn't too much."

"She's got a strong personality. That's for sure. But I think we worked it out and it's going to be OK."

"So you're coming back on Monday?" Elliot asked, kind of kidding but partly serious. He had no delusions about his youngest child.

Sam smiled. "Yes. I'll pick her up at school at 5 and bring her home. Get her a snack and we will be here when you get here."

"Thanks." Elliot pulled some cash from his wallet. "I know we're going to pay you weekly but here's some cash for today and some cash for cab fare home."

"I'll take the bus." Sam said.

"I'd rather you took a cab." He saw Olivia roll her eyes at him. "Well then that's some extra cash for you." He said, pressing it into her hand. "Oh. I almost forgot." He pulled out a set of keys. "Here are the keys to the main door and to our apartment."

Sam took them from him. "Thanks."

Elliot opened the door. "I'll walk you down." He wanted to see where the closest bus stop was and see if that was going to work out. Otherwise he would put her in a cab and not take any argument.

Olivia watched as they left. She sat down on the couch and watched Elise sleep. She lay down on her side next to her, stretching out her legs and being careful not to wake her.

Elliot came back into the apartment about five minutes later. He found Olivia curled around Elise, her butt sticking out to accommodate her belly. She was sound asleep.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia woke up to Elise trying to climb over her, and she looked up to see Elliot scoop her up from the couch.

"Careful of your Mom." He said, looking down at her. "Good thing you didn't need to rest." He teased.

Olivia bit her lip, wanting to give some smartass remark in return, but she decided against it.

She struggled to sit up and Elliot grabbed her arm to help her up. She looked up at him to thank him, but she saw a smirk on his face. "Don't you dare make a comment." She said. "You're the one that did this to me."

He smiled broadly. "It was my pleasure." He teased, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

Olivia shook her head and smiled. "Yeah? Well we'll see how you feel when I'm big as a house."

"You're gonna be big as a house?" Elise asked, he's eyebrows furrowed together, making Olivia realize how much her expressions reminded her of her father. "Where will we keep you?"

Olivia burst out laughing at Elise's literal interpretation.

"Mommy just means she's going to get a bigger belly and it's going to be hard for her to move."

Elise continued her scowl. "But already your lap is dis'pearing. I can't fit."

"It'll be OK baby." Olivia said, placing a hand on Elise's cheek. "Don't worry about it right now." She didn't want to get into this discussion with her. "Let's go find your costume and get ready for the party!"

Elliot practically dropped Elise in her frantic haste to get onto the ground. He barely had a hold on her as her feet hit the carpet and she was off running, screaming that she had forgotten all about it and that she couldn't wait. Over and over again.

"Remind me to limit the sugar this afternoon." Olivia said, laughing at her exuberance. "I'm going to go change."

"Need some help?" Elliot offered, a grin on his face.

"I think I can manage."

"Where's your imagination Liv?" Elliot came up behind her, placed his hands on her hips, and followed her into the bedroom.

EOEOEOEOEO

One hour and one meltdown later, they ended up at the neighborhood party, with Elise in last year's princess costume. It was a little too small, but she had to wear a coat and mittens anyway, so it wasn't a big deal. Elise ran from game to game and Elliot followed her around while Olivia trailed along behind. She caught up with them as Elise was having Ariel painted on her cheek by some teenaged girl dressed like a witch. Elise didn't seem to be scared of any of the costumes, even some of the scarier ones that Olivia saw on some of the adults and kids that were walking around. She was surprised at how many adults were in costumes, and she smirked a little at the thought of Eliot dressing up.

"Have you ever gotten dressed up in a costume to take the kids out?" Olivia asked.

"To take the kids trick-or-treating? No. But I've been to a few Halloween parties in the past." He said.

"What kinds of costumes have you worn?" Olivia asked, her curiosity piqued.

Elliot shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. A motorcycle rider, a pirate and a cowboy."

"A cowboy?" Olivia covered her smile with her hand. "I would have liked to see that."

"What about you?" he asked, trying to imagine what types of costumes she might have worn…and thinking of a few he'd like to see her in.

"Get your mind out of the gutter." She said, knowing exactly what he was thinking. "I was never that kind of girl that took the opportunity to wear something skimpy and call it a costume."

"That's disappointing." Elliot said. "And boring. If you've got the goods…"

Olivia slapped him on the arm lightly. "Knock it off."

Elise's face was done and she ran over to Olivia. "Take a picture Mommy." Olivia pulled out her phone and snapped a photo while Elise hammed it up for the camera. Her little cheeks were red from the cold, but she had a huge smile on her face.

"Are you having fun?" she asked.

"Yes!" Elise said enthusiastically. "I don't ever want to go home! Can we get some hot chocolate?" She asked, tugging at Elliot's hand. Elliot looked over at Olivia, but let her pull him along. Olivia smiled as she watched them, and followed behind them. She stopped about ten feet away, waiting while they stood in line. She glanced around the crowd, smiling at seeing all the young kids with their parents and all of the colorful costumes. She was about to turn back towards Elliot and Elise to see how close they were to getting to the front of the line when she stopped…and scanned back to the spot her eyes just swept past. She swore she'd seen Steven standing about fifty feet away, partially hidden by a tree. But when she looked back, there was nothing there. She looked to the left and then to the right, but she didn't see him. She made another sweep of the crowd, but he was nowhere in sight. There was a lot of people, but she thought it would be easy to spot him among the kids and families. She shook her head; she must have imagined seeing him. There was no reason for him to be here.

"You OK?" Elliot said as he handed her a hot chocolate.

Olivia turned to face him. "What? Oh yeah." She said, taking the drink. She glanced back at the spot she thought she seen Steven, but he wasn't there.

"Liv?"

She turned to face him. "What?"

"Are you ready to go? Elise wants to go play another game."

"Sure." She felt Elliot slide his hand in hers and lead her towards the games. She glanced back one more time, and when she didn't see anything, she turned her attention back to Elliot, Elise and her cup of hot chocolate.

EOEOEOEO

Somehow Olivia had successfully avoided talking about Steven the night before and Elliot was itching to bring it up today. But he had forgotten that they had invited all of the kids over for brunch and games, and to tell them about their wedding plans. It was mild chaos now as all kids had pretty much arrived at the apartment at the same time. They were all clustered around the dinner table, and Elliot was making an unending supply of pancakes, eggs, sausage and hash browns. All of the kids were talking and it seemed like there were ten conversations going on at once. Olivia looked over at Elliot and smiled, seeing his expression as he watched all of the kids together. It was a mix of pride and happiness, and she knew he loved moments like this.

"Hey, quit daydreaming over there and deliver some more pancakes." She yelled over to him and he looked at her with that same stupid, goofy grin on his face. He used the spatula to scoop up some new pancakes from the griddle and with a grand gesture, walked over and dropped all three on her plate.

"Eat up." He leaned in and gave her a kiss. "We need to feed that little boy."

She shook her head as the kids all started questioning her again about the sex of the baby.

She held up her hands. "I don't know!" she said loudly, and heard a simultaneous groan and then continued discussion about the merits (or lack of) of another boy or another girl. Olivia turned her attention to Elise and saw her whipping her head back and forth, trying to keep up with the conversation.

The kids got into a rousing game of Go Fish, and then they played poker, with Elise "helping" Kathleen. There was a lot of talking and fighting and laughter and by the end of the afternoon, everyone was exhausted. Elliot and Olivia fell in a heap onto the couch with Elise and agreed to what Olivia had to believe was the 1000th viewing of The Little Mermaid.

She looked over at Elliot, who had Elise in his lap. "We have to get her hooked on something else." She saw the faint outline of the Ariel that had been painted on the day before.

"No!" Elise said, putting her hand up to her cheek, covering the very painting Olivia was looking at. "I love Ariel. And she loves Eric and we don't like Urs'la."

Olivia held her laugh; amazed how Elise could completely tune her out if she said it was time for bed or a bath, but she heard everything else. Probably even things she shouldn't.

Olivia could feel the baby kicking hard, now that she was sitting down. "Ow." She put her hand over her stomach, and pushed back against what she assumed were little feet or maybe elbows. It almost became like a game, because as soon as she'd push back, she'd get another kick or push.

"Hey, I want to play." Elliot reached over and spread his large hand on her belly. "I don't feel anything." He said.

"Patience." Olivia said. She stared at his hand and suddenly, she felt another small kick. "Did you feel that?" she asked, looking up at him.

She saw the broad smile on his face, and she knew he had.

He leaned over, careful not to disturb Elise, who hadn't moved her eyes from the TV. "Hey little guy. How're you doing in there? Be nice to your Mommy."

Olivia felt another kick, and then another. "Keep taking to her."

Elliot glanced up at her and then back down. "Hi sweetie. This is your Daddy. Or at least I think I am." He laughed at his own joke, and Olivia swatted him lightly.

"That's not funny." She said, a smile plastered on her face despite his poor taste in jokes.

"Daddy's hilarious." He said sweetly, still talking to her stomach. "Mommy's just no fun." His comments earned him another light slap. Undeterred, he placed a few small kisses on her belly. "I can't wait to meet you." He said. "Well, actually…I _can_ wait to meet you. I can wait at least 12 more weeks." No use in tempting fate.

"Daddy." Elise complained. "You jiggling me off your lap and I can't HEAR." She said.

Elliot wrapped an arm around her waist and tugged her farther up on his lap. "Come here and talk to your baby brother." He said, sitting up slightly so she could sit between he and Olivia.

"I'm watching ARIEL." She said, with a look on her face that begged to know if he was an absolute idiot for not understanding that.

Elliot picked up the remote and paused the movie and Olivia had to clap a hand over her mouth to keep the smile on her face hidden. _This was going to be interesting_.

"You can watch Ariel later. Right now, we're talking to your baby brother."

Elise looked at him, and then back at the frozen image of Ariel on the screen. She seemed to have made a decision that she wasn't going to win, so she turned to Olivia. "I don't want to talk to my baby brother who's really a sister." She said, eliciting a smile from Olivia. "I want to sing."

Olivia nodded. "That sounds like a good idea. What do you want to sing?"

Elise thought about it for a second. "How about You are my sunshine?"

Olivia teared up because that was a song she sang to Elise pretty constantly the first few years of her life, when Elise was the only bright spot in her day. It had quickly become her favorite, and they sang it together often. She realized then that they hadn't really sung it in a while, and it made her think that maybe it was because there were lots of gifts in their life now. But she was happy to hear Elise wanted to sing it to the baby.

"Mommy, you start." Said Elise.

"You are my sunshine. My only sunshine." Olivia started the familiar tune, and even though she wasn't much of a singer, it was one song she could manage. Elise piped in with her clear, sweet voice, singing loudly and overshadowing Olivia's voice.

"You make me happyyyyy, when skies are grayyyyy!" she sang boisterously.

Elliot watched the two of them singing, enjoying Elise's animated performance. It was a rarity to hear Olivia sing, and he found himself grinning from ear to ear again. This entire day had been great, and he had to keep reminding himself that there were many more of these to come. He and Olivia often discussed how much things have changed from that cold January day when she'd brought Elise to the squad room, and days like today made him glad that he let go of his anger to allow love back in his life.

"Please don't take my sunshine away." Elise and Olivia finished, and then Elise leaned over and placed a big kiss on Olivia's stomach. Both of them were shocked because up to that point, she really hadn't seemed to be too happy about the thought of another sibling, or had shown little interest at al. She looked up at Olivia and hooked an arm around her neck. "Can we name my new sister Belle? Because then I can be Ariel when we play princess and we can be friends."

"Hmm." Elliot said, not sure how to break the news that Belle was not on the list.

"You know what?" Olivia said. "Daddy and I have a list of names were keeping so we can choose later, so I'll add Belle to the list. I'm not sure if it'll win but at least it'll be on our list."

"Well…OK but if we don't call her Belle then we could call her Jasmine or Mulan or Snow White. Because everyone wants a princess name." she said, as she climbed back on Elliot's lap.

"Can't argue with that." Elliot said as he turned the movie back on for his little princess.

 _AN: Hi everyone! Sorry for the delay in updating. I just wanted to let you know that it may be a little slower over the next week. I'm going to be out of town and I'm not sure how much time I'll have for writing. Drop me a review though! Thanks!_


	67. Chapter 67

_OK folks. I managed to get a chapter out while away at the lake…_

EOEOEOEOEO

A warm bath had been given stories read, and kisses and good night wishes granted. Olivia started heading for their bedroom, but Elliot put his hand on the small of her back and steered her towards the living room.

"Nice try. But we still need to talk." Elliot said.

"I wasn't trying to get out of it."

"Right." Elliot said. He released her when they got to the living room. Olivia kept walking and sat in one of the oversized chairs. Elliot went into the kitchen and got them each a large glass of ice water. When he came back into the living room, he handed one to Olivia, set his down on the coffee table, and then sat down on the couch.

"OK." He said, staring at her intently. "I want you to tell me everything about every encounter you've had with this Steven character."

"I can't possibly remember every word he said."

"Bullshit. You can probably replay entire conversations we had with perps ten years ago." He shook his head. "And I don't need every word. Just tell me when you met him and your genera conversation and your perceptions."

"The first time I ever actually spoke with him was when I was coming home from looking at wedding spots with the girls. I was waiting for the elevator and he made a comment about the elevator being slow. He asked me how long I've lived here and he introduced himself. He seemed a little shy. He would say something and then look away. But I really didn't think it was an odd. I mean, he was the one that spoke to me first. He made a comment…" She was trying to remember exactly what he said. "He said he would have remembered meeting me." Her cheeks flushed slightly, embarrassed by the implied compliment. "But that was the end of the conversation. I was tired, and when we reached our floor, I exited first and then stopped, pretending to look at something on my phone so he wouldn't see what apartment I went in to."

"When was that? About a month and a half after we moved in?" He was trying to remember the date the girls went with Olivia.

"Yeah. That seems about right. When he said he hadn't seen me around, I told him we had only lived here 6 or 7 weeks."

"And you don't think you'd seen him before?"

"Not that I remember. But I'm not always paying attention. I have Elise usually and I'm trying to keep track of her and her things…"

"Liv, you were a cop for years. And a good one. You're trained to take in your surroundings, even if you're no conscious of it."

Liv bit her lip, remembering how she had been surprised when Steven had been able to sneak up on her at the elevator. She had admonished herself at the time because she hadn't noticed him until he was standing right next to her.

"OK. So when's the next time you remember talking to him?" Elliot asked, still staring intently at her, trying to build a timeline in his head.

"I saw him a few times after that. You know, like when I'd leave for work or I'd be coming home…I'd run into him coming or going in the lobby. I ran into him few times at the coffee shop. I stop there several times in the week to get tea on my way to work. But we didn't really talk."

"Seems like you _ran into him_ a lot." Elliot said. "That guys been following you."

"Don't you run into people going in and coming out of the building?" she asked. "It seems like now that I have more of a normal schedule, I see a lot more people."

"Yeah, but have you seen anyone as much as you've seen him? And at the coffee shop too?" He saw the doubtful look on Olivia's face, and he knew she was thinking through the times she'd come face to face with Steven.

"So tell me about the next time. When you went to get groceries."

"Well, I just thought I needed a few things, and then they were bagging everything up and I was trying to figure out how I was going to get it all home. Then the boy who was packing everything up said they could deliver it and…" She paused, thinking back to that day. "Now that I think about it, it was kind of odd. All of a sudden, he was there and he said he would be happy to help me." She furrowed her brow.

"What?" Elliot asked, noting the expression on her face.

"Well, it's strange because almost all of the times I see him, he's the one that approaches me, and yet, my impression of him is that he's very introverted. He'll talk to me but only glances at my quickly and then his eyes are back, looking at the ground. That seems odd. If he was that shy, I wouldn't expect him to approach me in the first place."

Elliot just nodded, his mind still trying to put a profile of this guy together. "Then what?"

"He insisted that he carry almost everything, and while it's not far, it's over six blocks. He said he was coming from work and when I asked him about it, he got really animated. He works at some book store, and when he started talking about some of his favorite stories, he became almost…well…he just seemed like a normal guy. He was making eye contact and smiling and he seemed really happy."

"OK, so the guy likes books. What happened next?"

"When we got here, he walked me to our door…" She stopped and her eyes shot up to Elliot's. "He walked me to our door." She repeated.

"Yeah." Elliot said, not understanding but seeing the earnestness in her eyes.

"I never told him which apartment I lived in. All the times I saw him, we were downstairs, or outside the building."

"I told you he's been watching you."

"But I never got a creepy vibe from him. He just seemed like a shy, lonely guy." Olivia said. "When he helped me with the groceries, I thanked him, and he said that's what friends are for." She shook her head. "But then at the coffee shop…"

"You were afraid." Elliot said.

"He came up to me and told me he was worried about me and he seemed really pleasant. I thought it was a little overboard, but for someone that doesn't have many friends, I thought… I don't know. Sometimes people who are extraordinarily shy don't always understand all the social cues." She took a drink of water. "But then he said he spoke to you and that he didn't like you and he got really agitated." She furrowed her brow again, trying to remember what he'd said. "He said that he thought I was pretty…or something like that…and that he'd thought so from the first time he saw me and that I should be his girlfriend. That he had told his friend…" She snapped her fingers. "He said he showed his friend a photo he'd taken of me." Her face blanched.

"Son of a bitch. He's taking photos of you?"

"He said maybe I wouldn't have to go to the hospital or feel sick if I wasn't having a baby." She whispered, and a finger of fear curled up her spine. She wrapped a protective hand over her belly. "God, you don't think he'd do anything to hurt the baby, do you?"

"Did he threaten you?"

"No. I was confused because he was talking really quickly and he was all over the place. I remember being more afraid for you. It was like you were standing in the way of me being his girlfriend but now, I don't know. He specifically made a comment about me not being pregnant."

"Now do you believe me when I say the guy's a threat?"

"He didn't really threaten me. Or you." Olivia said.

Elliot rolled his eyes. "He's stalking you. Why do you have blinders on when it comes to this guy?"

"Because not everyone out there is a pervert or a psychopath. We're jaded because of our jobs. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. My radar didn't go off and I figured he was just a shy guy that needed a friend. He never did anything to make me feel threatened. At all."

"Until the coffee shop."

Olivia nodded. "Yeah, something changed." She thought for a second. "Maybe he thought I lived her alone. Maybe he thought I really was interested in, or could be, his girlfriend."

"If he's been watching you, it's unlikely he hasn't seen you with me."

"Yeah, but didn't you say that when I went to the hospital, he confronted you, and asked who you were?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, I guess he did." He nodded. "So maybe he really hadn't seen me before, or didn't understand who I was."

"Or maybe he didn't see you as a threat until you told him to fuck off." She shook her head. "Your people skills are always winning people over."

"Well, excuse me but my fiancé was in the hospital and some ass…"

Olivia waved her arm. "Stop. I know. But you are intimidating."

Elliot stood up. "Well, this is going to stop. Right now."

Olivia stood up. "Where are you going?"

"To pay our next door neighbor a visit."

Olivia put a hand on his arm. "And say what? Stop talking to my girlfriend? Your intimidation tactics didn't work before, so why do you think they'll work now?"

Elliot wanted to rip his arm from her and march next door and punch Steven Crenshaw in the face so he got the message that he'd better leave Olivia the fuck alone.

Olivia could tell what was running through his mind. "Beating the hell out of Steven isn't going to do any good. It's just going to land _you_ in trouble. He hasn't actually done anything." Olivia was as frustrated as Elliot about the stalking statutes in the state. Like so many other things, you couldn't do anything to a suspect until something happened; and that was a horrible tragedy. "Besides. We don't have any actual proof that he's stalking me."

"So I'm just supposed to stand by and wait for him to attack you?"

"You don't know that's what's going to happen. He may attack _you_." Olivia said. "He doesn't think you're good for me so that's a real possibility." She felt a shiver run through her. "Maybe _I_ should go over and punch his lights out and tell him to leave _you_ alone." She wasn't serious, but she needed him to understand that they didn't even know what the threat was, if there even was one.

Elliot scrubbed a hand over his face, and Olivia let her hand drop from his arm.

"Come over and sit back down." She coaxed gently. She was surprised when Elliot listened to her. "I agree that someone should go over and talk to him. He said he lives with his mother, and I was trying to figure out if he was helping her out, or if it was the other way around." She rubbed her belly subconsciously. "Maybe Fin and Munch could pay a visit, since they can be a little more level-headed. I just can't decide if he's just a little slow or if he had some kind of mental illness…"

"I'm going to see if he has a record. First thing I'm gonna do when I get into the precinct tomorrow."

Olivia nodded. "Good. I think that's a good plan. We'll see if he has a record, and then we'll have Fin or Munch pay him a visit."

Elliot nodded.

Olivia cocked her head. "Not to threaten him." She said firmly. "Just to talk to his mother and get a feel for what's going on."

"Maybe they should visit during the day when we know he's gone." Elliot said.

"We don't know when he works." Olivia said. "I guess I don't even know if that story is true."

Elliot agreed with her. "OK. Well, when I pull his record tomorrow, we'll see what we can find out about our neighbor. Hopefully that's his real name." He paused for a second and then looked back at her. "Do you remember what his friends name was?"

Olivia shook her head. "I can't remember. I wasn't really focused on that. He said he showed him a photograph of me and that's all I could concentrate on."

"Don't worry about it. A first name wasn't going to do us any good anyway."

Olivia wanted to ask why this was happening. First Manning and now Crenshaw. But she didn't want to make him even more agitated.

"Liv. Don't worry. I'm not going to let anything happen to you." He saw her looking down and rubbing her belly. "Or Elise or the baby."

She looked up at him. "Or you?"

"Or me."

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Monday morning was crazy as usual, and Olivia was anxious to get to work after having had another week off. She had Elise packed up with her coat on, and Elliot was ready to drop her at school. They had agreed on their plan the night before with regards to their creepy next-door-neighbor, and Elliot had promised to call her the minute he found any information. Then they would decide who would pay him a visit. And when.

Elliot kissed Olivia goodbye, and he and Elise were out the door. Olivia finished packing up her things in a tote and grabbed a banana for the road. Even though she had eaten breakfast, she found herself getting hungry more often throughout the day, so she liked to have some snacks handy.

She threw the tote over the shoulder and opened the door, trying to juggle her water bottle and her keys. She closed the door behind her with a slight slam, but came up short as she ran into someone. She looked up to apologize but the words died on her lips as she saw it was Steven. He was standing there staring at her, a confused look on his face and a butcher knife in his hand. Her eyes flicked briefly to the knife and then back up to his eyes.

"Steven." She said, forcing a smile despite the fear swirling through her. She cursed herself for putting her phone into her bag; she had no hope of fishing it out of there without raising suspicion. She didn't want to do anything to agitate him.

"Olivia. I'm glad I found you alone." He said, his voice a loud whisper. "I saw that man leave and I came to save you." He gestured with the knife and his movements were jerky and Olivia had a panicky moment where she thought he might unintentionally knick her.

Olivia moved her tote bag to cover her belly slightly; she was trying not to make any big movements, but she needed to protect the baby from that knife. She had thoughts about trying to tackle him and disarm him…that was something she would have done early in her career. But as a mother…and a mother-to-be…she had to play this differently.

"You think you can save me?" she asked.

Steven nodded fervently. "Yes! You need to come with me. Right now." His eyes were trained on hers, and hers were on the knife. She just needed him to look away for a second; so she could make a break for it. She considered yelling, but she knew she couldn't take the chance. She looked down the hallway quickly, in the vain hope that someone else was leaving for the day. She didn't see anyone.

"I have to go to work." She said. She hoped he would understand that concept; maybe he had to go to work himself.

He looked puzzled. "Work? No. You need to come with me." He said. He took a few steps closer and wrapped one hand around her arm. Olivia tried to take a step back as the knife in his other hand was coming close…too close. "Why don't you want to come with me?"

Olivia could tell he was starting to get agitated and she took a deep breath, trying to think about what to do. She knew she couldn't go with him. He tugged her towards him and the knife nicked her arm.

"Steven!" she said. He didn't even seem to know he had cut her. She saw a few small spots of blood; it wasn't serious. But it scared her that he didn't even seem to realize what had happened.

"We need to go now." He said, tugging her along with him.

"I need to call work." She said.

He pushed her ahead of him. "No!"

Her mind was racing about how to get out of this. She didn't want him to get any more upset, but she couldn't just go with him. If it was just her…she'd take her chances against him and the knife. But she couldn't think like that right now. She had to protect the baby. "I need to tell them I'm not coming in today."

"I said no!" He yelled.

The next thing Olivia knew, something hard hit the back of her head and she felt herself falling. She barely registered Steven's arm around her as everything went black.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot was true to his word. He'd barely sat down at his desk before he was filling Munch and Fin in on Steven Crenshaw and everything that had happened. Both Fin and Munch were of the same opinion; a good talking to with a 1-2 punch oughtta take care of things. They disliked people threatening Olivia almost as much as Elliot did. But senses prevailed and Fin started typing into his computer, trying to pull up information on him from the myriad of databases they had at their disposal.

Elliot gave him the potential spellings of the name and his address, and the information that he supposedly worked at a bookstore.

"No driver's license issued to anyone with that name at that address. I tried Steven with a v and a ph, and various spellings of Crenshaw." Fin said.

"That doesn't surprise me. Olivia thinks he may be mentally challenged, or have some kind of mental illness."

"I'm checking birth records now." Fin said.

"I'm looking at the leases for that buildings." Elliot said.

Fin spoke a few minutes later. "Here we go. Steven Alexander Crenshaw. DOB November 3, 1980. Parent are Stewart and Lila Crenshaw."

"So that make him around 30. 31." Elliot said, not taking time to do the math.

"Something like that." Fin agreed.

"Hmmm." Said Elliot. "I see that apartment is in the name of Stewart and Lila Crenshaw." He kept clicking away on his keyboard. He turned to Fin. "You keep digging on Crenshaw. I'm going to follow the parents."

Fin nodded and Munch chimed in. "What do you want me to do?" he asked.

Elliot looked up at him and saw Cragen in his peripheral vision. "Run interference with the Captain. I don't think he'd be too happy that we're checking out these records on a guy that hasn't technically committed a crime."

"It's Liv." Said Fin.

"Yeah, still."

Munch nodded. "Got it." He intercepted the Captain as he headed for his office and Elliot could see him shaking his head as Munch launched into some of his more well-known conspiracy theories.

It was quiet in the squad room for about ten minutes before Elliot chimed in. "I found something. Steward Crenshaw. Died 1990. Died of stab wounds. Lila Crenshaw was arrested, but it was determined to be self-defense and she didn't serve any time."

"So Crenshaw would have been about 10 then." Fin said. "Wonder if he was there when it happened."

Elliot spoke up again. "Son-of-a-bitch. Lila Crenshaw. Died 2009. Cause of death undetermined." He leaned back in his chair. "Why do I have this weird feeling that somehow her son was involved?"

"Does it say anything like that?"

Elliot furrowed his brow. "Wait a minute. He told Olivia he lives with his mother. Lives. As in, present tense. He said he needs to help take care of her."

"That's a red flag."

Elliot shot him a look, but held his tongue.

A few more minutes passed. Elliot was reading through the coroner's report on the mother, when he heard Fin say "Oh shit."

Elliot's head snapped to look at Fin. "What?"

"I think I found something."

Elliot could tell he was reading, and he tried to be patient, but he couldn't wait any longer. "What?"

"I found a juvi record for him. Hold on. I'm reading."

Elliot let out a sound of exasperation, but let him read. A few minutes later, Fin leaned back in his chair. "Steven Crenshaw had some problems in school. He has a relatively low IQ. 85. But he was still mainstream in school. He was bullied and didn't have any friends. Seems there was a problem with a girl there. He latched on to a girl named Jenny and wouldn't leave her alone. He started to scare her...showing up at her house at all hours and things like that. He attacked her dad with a knife and tried to kidnap her. He was put away right before his 16th birthday. Was released to his mother when he was 18."

Elliot sat up. "I gotta call Liv."


	68. Chapter 68

AN: Hey readers! I'm happy that I've found a little time to write here at the lake. Sneaking some in when everyone needs some quiet time. It seems everyone was right about Steve. Something's off about him, and although Olivia was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, it seems she was wrong about him. Thanks for your comments and reviews. They've been SO awesome. I can't believe this is Chapter 68. I NEVER intended this story to go on this long. But it seems there is more story to tell. So here we go. A short update.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia was aware of sounds and smell before she was fully awake. She could hear muttering and her mind tried to make sense of the words. Tried to grasp what she was hearing; where she was. The air around her smelled stale, with an undercurrent of cooked food and dirt…and almost overbearing earthy smell that felt almost suffocating. It was warm. Too warm.

Things started to come into focus as she became more fully awake, and she realized she felt a throbbing pain in her head. She couldn't open her eyes. The lids felt too heavy and she willed the pounding in her head to stop. She tried to lift her hand to her head but her hands weren't working. Why couldn't she lift her hand?

And then cold, hard reality slammed into her. _Steven Crenshaw_.

She was fully awake now, but had yet to open her eyes. She hoped this fact, this fortunate outcome of the pain assaulting her temples, would buy her a few minutes now to try to reconstruct what had happened. And where she was now. She tried to keep her breathing slow, despite the panic swelling inside of her. With any luck, he wouldn't have noticed her movement just a moment ago.

Judging from the pounding in her head, and her last memories in the hallway, he must have hit her with something hard and knocked her unconscious. She remembered his arm around her, so she assumed he kept her from falling to the ground. She tried to take a mental tally of her body…of any other potential injuries. She almost cried out when the baby chose that moment to kick, and she felt tears prick at the back of her eyes and she said a silent thank you. She didn't feel like there were any other injuries, and she wondered how long she'd been knocked out. She could tell her hands and feet were bound, but with what, she didn't know.

She tried to think about where he may have taken her. She knew he couldn't have taken her very far. He was only a couple of inches taller than her and was probably 160 pounds soaking wet. She had to assume she was in his apartment, which would be to her advantage.

She thought about her morning. It had to have been just a little after 8 when she left. And although she had no idea how long she'd been out, it couldn't have been more than 20 or 30 minutes…an hour at the most. That meant it was probably around 9. Maybe 9:30 if she wanted to be generous. That means that at the very least, Elliot wouldn't notice that she hadn't returned home for nine hours. At the very least. If he was out on a case, it could be later.

Of course, he would try to call her during the day, but he knew she often couldn't take his calls. She was with victims. In the hospital. In court. In their homes. He really wouldn't think twice about her lack of response until he, or Sam, raised a question about her whereabouts later tonight.

Nine hours.

She didn't know Steven's mental state, but she was pretty certain she couldn't wait nine hours. She was going to have to get out of this mess by herself. She'd done it before; used her intelligence and skills and training to get herself out of a difficult situation. The only difference now is that she wasn't fighting just for herself…and she couldn't take the chances she may have taken before.

She turned her attention to Steven's ramblings, trying to make out what he was saying. It was clear he was moving around the room, as his voice faded out and then got louder as he moved closer to her. She realized suddenly that she was lying down, and she had a momentary bout of panic at being on a bed. She assumed his…and all of her focus went to a reassessment of her physical state. She tried to keep her breathing even, and inwardly quelled the panic when she realized she was still completely dressed. It didn't appear he had touched her beyond what was necessary to get her to wherever she was at the moment.

That seemed to gel with her impression of him. He hadn't seemed like a rapist but then again, you never always know what you're dealing with. It was very obvious that her perceptions were all shot to hell. She doesn't know why she didn't feel particularly threatened by him, but now she knows she had underestimated him.

She forced herself to listen, and realized then that he had stopped moving. She tried to slow her breathing again; she needed more time to think.

"Are you awake?"

She felt his hot breath on her face as he leaned over her and she tried not to react.

"Wake up!" he said, and Olivia could hear the agitation in his voice.

She must have fooled up because she felt him move away, and the muttering resumed. She listened intently and when he came closer, she finally understood what he was saying. He was repeating "I'm sorry Mother. I'm sorry Mother." Over and over again.

Olivia tried not to shudder. And then she wondered where his mother was. Steven had told her that he lived with his her, but he had made it sound like she was ill. Was she somewhere else in the apartment? Perhaps confined to a bed? Or a wheelchair? Did she know her son had taken her hostage?

Or maybe she wasn't ill any longer. Maybe she was at work. Or just out of the house. Surely she would be able to talk to her son and make him see that what he had done was wrong. She would call the police.

Olivia knew nothing was certain. She'd seen way too many mothers that protected their sons…even when they knew they were murderers…child molesters…rapists.

She knew she couldn't count on Steven's mother. She was on her own.

She heard his voice, and he was much closer again. "Wake up. Wake up. Wake up." He repeated, his voice now nothing more than a loud whisper. Then she felt his hand, cold and clammy against her skin. He ran his hand across her forehead and brushed her hair back, and then stroked her hair. "So pretty." He said, and Olivia realized he sounded like a small boy. It was eerie, and it took everything in her not to flinch at his touch.

"You're safe now." He whispered, continuing to stroke her hair. "My mother told me to find a pretty girl…" His voice faded away again and his hand left her hair and she hoped he had moved away from her again. She listened intently, trying to gauge where he was, but it was silent.

Then she felt the bed bow beneath his weight and her eyes flew open as a scream formed in her lungs.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot dialed Olivia's number, but he wasn't surprised when he got her voicemail. He knew she was backed up since she'd been gone for a week, and he had no doubt she would try to reach as many of her clients as possible today, despite his admonishment to ease back into things at work. Stress wasn't good for her or the baby.

She'd mimicked those last words as he'd said them, mouthing them along with him.

"I know!" She had told him with a roll of her eyes, and he told himself that he had to quit doing that to her. She knew what she needed to do.

He left her a voicemail, telling her that he and Fin had found some very interesting information on Steven Crenshaw and that he was going to talk to Casey to see what they could do about paying him a visit. He was dying to get inside of that apartment, and find out exactly what was going on over there. He imagined a wall plastered with photos of Olivia., like they'd seen in so many other stalkers.

He hung up with Olivia, and then looked for Casey's number. He was just about to hit SEND when Cragen came out of his office. "Elliot." He said. "Where's Tony?" he asked, and Elliot looked over at his partner's desk, which he realized now was empty.

Elliot shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know." He said, once again feeling like a shitty partner because he hadn't even noticed he was gone. And he knew Tony had probably told him where he was going to be today.

"Court." Munch offered up.

Elliot nodded. Now that Munch said it, he vaguely remembered Tony reminding him of that on Friday.

"OK. Well, we've got a missing child. 13 years old. Female. She left the house for school, but never made it there." He handed Elliot a slip of paper with an address in Alphabet City. "You and Fin. Go talk to the mother."

Elliot stood up. "Got it Cap'n." He looked over and saw Fin was already out of his chair and was grabbing his coat.

"You get a hold of Liv?" Fin asked as they walked out of the precinct.

"I had to leave a voicemail." Elliot said. "She's just getting back to work, so…"

"Yeah, she's probably buried deep in her case files by now." Fin smiled. He knew Liv was tenacious when it came to her job; wanting to do the very best she could for each and every victim.

"Yeah, I'm sure she is." He said, a little bit of pride in his voice. He knew she was good at what she did. He tossed the keys to Fin. "Do you mind if you drive? I'm going to call Casey."

He dialed Casey's number as he climbed in the passenger seat. Fin pulled out of the precinct lot and into traffic as the call connected.

"Casey." Elliot said as she answered. "Do you have a minute?" He paused, listening as she spoke. "Oh. OK. Well, will you call me back when you're done? I need to run through something with you." He paused again. "No. It's personal." He looked over at Fin. "Liv's fine." He said, when she asked about her friend. "But it has something to do with her and a neighbor of ours, so call me as soon as you can when you're done in court."

He hung up the phone and looked over at Fin again. "Should have known she'd be in court since that's where Tony is." He shook his head. "She doesn't know how long she'll be but she said it will probably be after lunch. She's going to call me if she gets a decent break."

Fin just nodded, and kept navigating through the traffic on the streets of the city. It took them almost a half an hour to reach the address Cragen had given them. When they pulled up, they saw four squad cars parked with lights flashing. They hurried out of the car and quickly found the mother inside the house. Another woman, quickly introduced as a neighbor, was sitting with the mother, Crystal, and Elliot could tell she was in a daze. He'd seen that look so many times before, when the loved ones of victims couldn't quite believe the nightmare they found themselves in.

Elliot and Fin introduced themselves, and started asking questions.

"So can you tell me what Mariah's normal morning routine is?" Elliot asked.

The mother just looked at him, like she couldn't comprehend the questions.

"Does she get up early, have breakfast before she goes to school? Or does she roll out of bed and run off at the last minute?" Elliot prompted.

"Crystal works early shift at a restaurant down the street." The neighbor, Shelley, supplied.

This seemed to get Crystal going. "Yes, I leave at 6. Mariah doesn't leave for school until 7:30. She sets an alarm and gets herself up. I pack her a lunch…" She put a hand over her mouth and gasped as a fresh wave of tears poured down her face. "She texts me when she leaves the house…so I know she's on her way." She choked out.

"Did she text you this morning?" Fin asked.

Crystal nodded.

"OK." Elliot looked at his watch. "So she walks to school?"

Shelley chimed in. "Yes, it's only six blocks from here."

"Does she normally text you when she gets to school too?" Elliot asked.

Crystal shook her head. "No. Not usually. Just sometimes, if she's forgotten something."

"I'm home during the day so I can usually run something down to her if she needs it." Shelley offered.

"So you have a key to the apartment?" Elliot asked.

Shelley seemed offended at the question. "I would never hurt a hair on that child's head." She said indignantly.

"I wasn't suggesting that ma'am. I just have to cover all my bases." He looked back at Crystal. "Who else has a key to the apartment?" he asked. He continued with questions, asking about Crystal's father, friends and habits. What she did in her spare time, her hobbies, her interests. He asked if she'd been in any trouble, and if her behavior had changed at all. She swore that nothing had changed, and she got upset, wondering why he was asking all of these questions.

"Ma'am, we're just trying to find your daughter. Most of the time, when someone goes missing, they've taken off with a friend or a boyfriend, or they've been taken by a non-custodial parent or a friend of the family. True stranger abduction is rare. So we want to talk to anyone that knew Mariah." He knew that wasn't much comfort, but it was true.

"We'll be in touch." Elliot assured her. He made sure he had her contact information, and then he and Fin left the apartment. They walked out of the apartment building and stopped out on the sidewalk.

Elliot turned to Fin. "I think we need to talk to her best friend. She'll know the most about Mariah's habits."

Fin nodded. "Yeah. Let's head over to the school."

"Let's walk and see if we see anything suspicious along the way." They headed in the direction of the school and Elliot checked to see if he had any messages on his phone. No messages from Olivia or Casey, but he did smile when he saw a text from Sam. "I'll pick Elise up at 3 as planned." She obviously wanted to show him that she was responsible, and that she hadn't forgotten about her small charge. Elliot was really glad that had connected with her; this was going to work out great for them.

"What're you smilin' about?" Fin said, shaking his head.

"Nothin'. Just a text message from our new part-time nanny. Today's her first official day."

Fin nodded, scanning the street on both sides as they walked. They noticed a group of kids loitering by a small bodega just ahead and Fin jerked his head in that direction. "Don't those kids look like they should be in school?" It as a group of three boys and one girl, and they looked a little older than Mariah. They headed in their direction, and luckily for them, the kids were too engrossed in their conversation to notice the two cops until they were right on top of them.

"Hey." Fin said. "Shouldn't you be in school?" he asked.

"You're not my father." One of the boys said, smiling at his friends at his own cleverness.

Fin whipped his badge out. "No, but we could call him if you'd like."

The smile disappeared.

"You kids go to Tompkins Square Middle School?" Elliot asked.

One of the boy shrugged.

"You're what? In 9th grade?" Fin asked, grabbing a pack of cigarettes out of the boy's pockets. He looked at the other kids, and saw that at least the girl had enough smarts to be nervous. "You buy these here? You go a fake ID?"

The boy put his hands up, as if in a defensive mode. "No." He jerked his head towards the bodega. "He just sold 'em to us."

"So if I go talk to him, he's not going to tell me you showed him a fake ID?"

The boy looked over at his friends, but they were all looking down at their feet, studiously avoiding eye contact.

"So how about you answer my questions, and then I won't have time to go talk to the clerk."

"Yeah, we go to Tompkins." The girl offered.

"Do you guys know a girl named Mariah Huerta? She's in the 7th grade."

"We don't hang out with little kids." One of the other boys said, a sneer in his voice.

The girl in the group seemed to be getting a little more scared. "I think I know who she is." She offered, looking at Elliot and Fin and then back at her friends. She looked back at Elliot. "She's friends with a girl that lives next door to me. Maria Rivera."

Elliot nodded. They already had the best friends name. "Anything else you can tell me?" he asked.

They all shook their heads vigorously.

Elliot looked at his watch. "Tell you what. It's 10AM now. Detective Tutuola and I are headed over to the school right now, so we'll be happy to escort you and let the principal know how cooperative you've been."

The kids grumbled, but they didn't argue, and they all headed towards the school a couple blocks down.


	69. Chapter 69

When Olivia's eyes opened, she saw Steven climbing on the bed, the large knife still in his hand. She saw the surprised look on his face and she bit off her scream, not wanting to startle him more than she already had.

"You're awake." He said, his voice shaky.

Olivia didn't say anything, her eyes moving back and forth between his, and the knife.

"I didn't think you were going to wake up." He said.

Olivia could see the confusion on his face. She knew she should say something, but she was frozen, nervous that he was going to lunge at her with the knife. She had listened to his muttering with her eyes closed, but now that he knew she was awake, she had to reassess what she was dealing with.

"Steven." She said softly, keeping her attention focused on his face and her peripheral vision on the hand holding the knife.

He flinched slightly when she said his name and she was glad she had spoken softly. He looked wildly around the room and leaned back towards her. "Don't scream." He said.

"I'm not going to scream." Olivia said, trying to keep her voice from shaking.

"They always say that." Steven said. "And then they scream."

Olivia wondered who in the hell he was referring to, but she didn't want to ask. She shook her head. "I'm not going to scream." She said again, trying to reassure him. She forced a smile on her face.

He leaned forward and placed his left hand over her mouth and the tip of his knife to her throat. "I don't believe you." He said, his teeth clenched. "I told you that I was trying to save you and you wouldn't go with me." He said.

Olivia shook her head slightly. "I just didn't understand what you were trying to tell me." She said, trying not to move. She felt the tip of the knife of at her throat and she stilled.

He shook his head back and forth. "You wouldn't listen. You wouldn't. You were trying to leave."

"Steven." She gasped, trying to focus his attention. She felt wet liquid trickle down her throat.

He stopped shaking his head and stared back at her.

"Steven." She said. "Listen to me." She kept her voice calm and quiet, trying to keep him focused on her voice. "I was wrong. I should have listened to you."

He nodded. "Yes. You should have. I didn't want to hurt you. But you were going to leave." He relieved the pressure of the knife against her neck. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You didn't hurt me. I'm fine." She needed to reassure him. Calm him. As long as he had the knife in his hand, she couldn't focus on anything else. She still wasn't sure what she was dealing with, but she knew that getting him to trust her was in her best interest.

Steven furrowed his brow again. "I hit you in the head."

"I know you didn't mean it." Olivia said quickly.

Steve shook his head as he agreed with her. "I didn't. I love you."

Olivia swallowed, trying not to react to his declaration, and unsure how to respond. She nodded. "I know you were trying to do what's best for me."

"Yes." He was nodding vigorously now. "I do."

He leaned back on his feet, and Olivia felt a small measure of relief when he let his hand, and the knife, fall to his side. She was terribly uncomfortable in her position on the bed, and she wanted to shift. But she was trying really hard not to move at all. She didn't want to bring any attention to herself. Or the baby.

"I know. Thank you for watching out for me."

He climbed off the bed and started pacing back and forth. "I knew when I saw you that you were special." He said. "My mother told me to find a pretty girl…." He stopped pacing and looked down at the floor. "You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen." He said. He looked up at her shyly and then back at the ground.

Olivia just smiled as he looked up at her, not wanting to interrupt him. She'd heard him say the same things over and over but she hoped by letting him ramble, he'd reveal some more information.

"When I saw you I got so excited." He said, looking up at her again. "I wanted to talk to you but…" he looked away from her again.

"You were nervous?" Olivia offered.

Steven nodded again and he broke into a smile. "But I knew you were nice. You look nice."

"And then you ran into me at the elevator and we talked." She said, trying to fill in the story.

He smiled shyly. "You smelled good."

Olivia kept a smile pasted on her face, despite the chill than ran up her spine. He sounded like a schoolboy with a crush…but she couldn't be lulled into a sense of security by thinking he was less dangerous than he was.

"You've always been so nice to me." Olivia said, smiling. "You helped me with my groceries and bought me tea." She closed her eyes for a few seconds; her head was pounding and her back was killing her. She was lying at an odd angle with a few pillows behind her shoulders and her head against the headboard and she fought the urge to move. She opened her eyes again and saw Steven staring at her with a scowl on her face.

"That man said he was your husband." He said and Olivia noticed his tone had turned dark.

Olivia shook her head. "He's not."

"He told me to stay _away_ from you!" He said, the volume of his voice escalating as he stood at the end of the bed and stared at her. "And you _left_ with him from the coffee shop!"

"I didn't want to…" Olivia started, but she shrank back as he came around the side of the bed.

"I don't _believe_ you!" he yelled, spittle coming from his mouth. He grabbed her hair and tugged her head back and she bit back another scream. She lifted her bound hands to try to push him away from her, surprised by how quickly he'd gone from talking to screaming at her. She connected with his torso, but she didn't have a good angle to get any strength behind her. He had her hair with his left hand, and she tried to twist her head to look for the knife.

"No!" She said emphatically. She saw the anger on his face and she tried to think of something else to say to calm him down. "He made me go with him."

Steven didn't release his grip on her hair but he stared down at her. "You were smiling. Laughing." He leaned in closer. "You don't think I know but I was _watching_ you."

Olivia felt a shudder run through her body, despite her best effort not to react. "He made me." She whispered.

He released her hair and stood up, staring down at her. He moved his eyes down her body and she watched as his eyes settled on her belly. "Did he make that baby?"

Olivia closed her eyes briefly; her panic resurfacing at the mention of the baby. She shook her head, not sure what to say.

"I'm not stupid!" Steven yelled. "I know what you did. I know how sex is." He spun away from her and paced back and forth across the room. "My mother told me. She told me." He started muttering again and she couldn't make out what he was saying.

Olivia looked around, wondering again if his mother was in the apartment. She wondered if she should take a chance and yell; she felt like the situation with Steven was deteriorating. Somehow, she had to get his attention focused away from Elliot and the baby. She thought she had convinced him that she was on his side earlier. She thought she had started to gain his trust.

She looked at Steven again, and saw he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. She took the opportunity to look around the room. She saw the room was painted white, but it was in bad need of repainting. There was a wooden dresser and a battered old wooden desk, each covered with piles of papers. There were piles of clothes on the floor, along with food wrappers and empty soda cans. The room looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a very long time. She saw a clock on the small nightstand, letting her know it was a little after 10AM.

She wondered what had happened to the things she was carrying. Her cell phone was in her tote bag; she needed to get her hands on it. She knew Elliot had probably called her by now to check in, but she also knew he wouldn't be alarmed. She had told him that she was going to be really busy today. She made another scan of the room, trying to see if she had missed anything. Her eyes fell on Steven and she saw that he had stopped pacing and muttering and had his focus trained on her.

She swallowed, knowing she had to say something quickly. "Don't be angry with me." She tried to think quickly. "Please. Listen." She watched as he cocked his head, listening to what she was saying. She forced a smile on her face. "I know now that you're right. I don't want him. I want _you_ to be my boyfriend."

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Elliot and Fin had Mariah's best friend, Maria Rivera, pulled from class. They were sitting in an empty classroom, asking about their habits, friends, and if she'd seen Mariah that morning. Maria was less than forthcoming, and Elliot was getting frustrated.

"You're her best friend. You trying to tell me that you don't know if she had a boyfriend?"

"She's not allowed to have a boyfriend." Maria said, looking disinterested.

"This is a serious situation." Fin said, leaning towards him. "Your friend is missing. You don't seem to give a shit."

"Which makes me believe you know something." Elliot added.

Maria pressed her lips together and folded her arms. "If I knew where Mariah was, I would tell you."

Fin stood up. "She's not going to tell us squat." He walked to the door. "If I find out you knew anything…" He opened the door. "Get out of here."

Elliot stood up, surprised by Fin's sudden dismissal. When she was gone, he spun around and faced him. "Why did you let her go? I think she knew something."

"She wasn't going to tell us." He looked down at the paper in his hand. "We have a couple of other kids to talk to. Maybe they'll be more forthcoming."

The principal called the other kids down one by one. None of them provided any other information. Elliot stood up, frustrated.

"This has been a waste of time." He said, scrubbing a hand over his face. "We're no closer to finding her." He opened the door to leave the classroom, and was surprised by someone on the other side, their hand raised to knock.

"Detective?"

"Yes." Elliot answered, glancing back at Fin.

"I'm Theresa Gibson. I'm a counselor here at the middle school."

"OK. Do you have some information for us?" Elliot asked, motioning her into the room.

"Yes, she said, sitting down in one of the chair. "I think I do. I mean, maybe it doesn't matter…" she trailed off.

"Everything matters." Fin said.

"I'm Mariah's guidance counselor. She's a bright girl and she typically gets good grades." She paused. "Over the past three weeks, she's been late to school four times. And her grades are dropping. She failed two of her last four tests."

Elliot looked at Fin and then back at Theresa. "Drugs?"

"I don't think so. But I don't know. I'd say talk to her best friend Maria Rivera. She would know."

"We already talked to her. She didn't tell us anything."

"Looks like maybe we'd better have another conversation with her." Fin said. "I'll have the principal pull her from class again."

Elliot thanked the counselor for her time while Fin went to see the principal. After she left, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket. He saw he had one missed call, but was disappointed to see it was from Cragen. Elliot knew he was probably just looking for an update. He checked for any incoming text messages, and saw he just had one from Kathleen. He opened up the app, reading the message from his daughter asking for a $50 loan. He decided he would deal with that later. He pulled up Olivia's contact information and typed out a quick message.

" _Just checking in. Call me when u get break_." He hit SEND just as Fin walked back into the classroom.

"Maria on her way down?" Elliot asked.

Fin shook his head. "Maria's in the wind."

"She took off?" Elliot said. "What the hell is going on?"

"I don't know. But something's off. I'm not feeling like this is an abduction." Fin said. "I think this girl took off."

"I think we'd better go back to talk to the mother again." Elliot said.

Fin nodded and they headed out the door.

EOEOEOEOE

Steven was still watching her, as if he were trying to decipher what she was saying. "You do?" he said finally. He seemed confused by her acquiescence.

Olivia nodded. "Yes."

"I think he won't like that." Steven said. "He threatened me."

"I'll talk to him." She tried to reassure him. "Once he understands how much you care about me…"

"I told you I'm NOT stupid." He said, moving quickly back to the bed.

Olivia shrank back again; she was having a hard time keeping up with his changing moods. This time, he stopped next to the bed without getting in her face. He stared into her eyes, as if trying to read her mind.

"We have to do something about him." He put his hands on her shoulders, and looked at her earnestly. "I think he's a dangerous man." He whispered.

Olivia felt another rush of panic; worried that he would do something to hurt him. She had a feeling that she couldn't argue with him about Elliot. She had to distract him.

"Let's talk about him later." She said, trying to look at him but he was too close. He was pushing her shoulders against the headboard and it was painful. "Steven? You're hurting me."

He stood up abruptly, releasing her. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I know you don't." She realized he wasn't holding the knife any longer, and she wondered when he'd set it down. She decided to take a chance. "My back hurts, sitting like this." She lifted her hands. "Do you think you could un-tape my hands so I can move?"

Steven shook his head. "I don't know. How do I know you're not tricking me?"

"I don't know how I can convince you." Olivia said. "Tell me how I can make you believe me."

"I have to go now." He said.

Olivia furrowed her brow. "What?" She was caught by surprise at the sudden change in topic.

"I have to go."

"You're leaving me here?"

Steven nodded. "I'll be back soon." He moved over to the bed and slipped one arm behind her neck and the other beneath her legs. Olivia started to struggle, panicked about what he was going to do.

"Stop it!" He yelled, dropping her back down on the bed roughly.

She gasped as she hit the bed, trying to grasp her belly with her bound hands. Luckily, he dropped her lower on the bed, so her head didn't hit the headboard. He grasped her hands and pulled them up and over her head.

"No. Please." She pleaded with Steven. "I can't lie like this." She struggled against him but he was surprisingly strong and she felt a rope being dropped over her already bound hands. He pulled it tight and she looked up to see him wind it around in an elaborate knot; the other end tied to the headboard.

"Please." She begged, feeling tears prick at the back of her eyes. "Steven, don't do this. Don't leave me here."

"I said I'll be right back." He said angrily.

Olivia shook her head vigorously and tugged at her restraints. "If you cared about me, you wouldn't leave me." She said, her voice escalating. She knew she had to appeal to his concern for her; threats wouldn't work.

"Quiet!" he said loudly, in response to her escalating tone and her frantic movements.

"Steven. Please!"

Steven put his hands over his ears. "Shut UP!"

Olivia watched as he pulled a roll of duct tape from the nightstand. He tore off a piece and moved back towards her.

"You don't need that." Olivia whispered, shaking her head again. "I'm sorry. I'll be quiet."

"Too late." Steven said, plastering the tape over her mouth. "I'll be back soon." He leaned over and placed a kiss on her forehead and Olivia watched him leave, helpless as he closed the bedroom door behind him.


	70. Chapter 70

Elliot and Fin walked out of the school and started heading back towards Mariah's house.

"I'm going to call TARU and see if they got anything from her phone or her PC." Fin said.

Elliot nodded. "Good. I'm going to call Casey." He had just missed a call from her as they were walking out of the building, and so he quickly hit redial. He heard the phone ringing, anxious for her to answer. He was happy to hear her voice on the other end of the line when she answered.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Do you have a minute?"

"I have five. Start talking." Casey said.

Elliot could tell she was walking, and didn't waste any time filling her in on everything that Steven had done over the past several weeks.

"OK." Casey said, when he had finished. "So…"

"I want a search warrant!"

"On what grounds?"

"Did you just hear everything I told you?"

"Yes." she replied. "But…"

Elliot interrupted her before she could finish. "I need to get into his apartment."

"What are you looking for? I can't get a search warrant issued for a fishing expedition."

"I know if I get inside his apartment I'll find the proof I need to bring him in." The tone of his voice was escalating. "I can't believe you won't go to bat for this!"

"And I can't believe you're asking me to!" Casey replied firmly, reacting to his tone. "You know better. He hasn't actually _done_ anything. He hasn't even _threatened_ to do anything. No judge is going to issue a search warrant."

"C'mon Casey. That's bullshit!" He yelled into the phone. "This is Liv we're talking about. Are you honestly going to stand there and tell me that we have to wait for him to attack her before we do something?"

"Of course not, but like I said, we don't actually know he's going to do anything."

"So you're not going to do anything." He fired back.

I don't make the rules Elliot!" Casey fired back. "I'm just telling you that there's not a chance in hell a judge is going to issue a warrant."

Elliot let out an exasperated sigh, running a hand over his head. He was thinking about what she said; and thinking of how they could get around it. "Fine. Forget it." He said, biting off each word.

"Elliot." Casey said, and now he could hear the frustration in her tone.

"Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it."

"Oh no." she said. "I know how you operate. Don't you even think about breaking into his apartment. You could lose your badge!"

Elliot shook his head. Casey had known him too long. "I'm not going to break in, but if he invites me in…"

"You mean if you intimidate the hell out of him and force your way into his place." Casey

"How the hell else am I supposed to figure out what the hell he's up to?" He dropped his tone when he noticed people on the street looking at him as they walked. "I _know_ he's dangerous."

"I'll see what I can do. Maybe I can bring up his previous record, even though he was a juvenile and the record is supposedly sealed."

"Thank you Casey." Elliot hung up the phone.

"She gonna get the warrant for you?" Fin asked as they stopped outside of Mariah's apartment.

"I dunno." Elliot said as he let out another heavy sigh. "I doubt it." He shook his head. "What did TARU find?"

Fin looked at him for a moment, and Elliot knew he was trying to decide if he should ask about the warrant and Steven Crenshaw anymore. He must have decided against it. "Seems Mariah's been getting a lot of calls and texts from someone named Jesse Torres."

"Do we know who he is?"

"Munch pulled a sheet on him. 16-year-old punk. A real dumbass. Mixed up in petty shit. Shoplifting, smoking and drinking, fighting."

"So we think Mariah took off with him?"

"I don't know. But I think we have to talk to the mother again and see what she knows about this kid."

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia lay still for a minute, waiting to see if Steven came back. She had heard what she thought was probably the apartment door close, but she wasn't completely certain. But after a few minutes, silence enveloped her and she realized there was no one else there.

She looked up at her hands stretched above her head. He had wrapped the tape awkwardly around her wrists, and it covered half of her palms. The rope was bound tightly around her wrists and she tugged at it to see if the knots he'd made were secure. They didn't give at all and she let out a grunt of frustration. She tried grabbing the rope between her fingers, but the tape was making it difficult for her to grasp. She finally got a grip on the rope, and she pulled her body up about a foot to relieve the strain. She drew her bound ankles up, bending her knees, and maneuvered herself onto her side, pushing herself back towards the middle of the bed slightly so she wasn't hanging off the side of the bed.

She was still very uncomfortable with her arms stretched above her and at a slightly bad angle, but she felt immediate relief in her back. The exertion caused her to breathe hard and she felt a moment of panic at note being able to breathe through her mouth. She felt like she was suffocating under the duct tape, and she had to close her eyes and focus on breathing through her nose until she calmed herself. She took slow, even breaths.

She tried not to think about how thirsty she was, or what would happen if she had to go to the bathroom. The baby kicked her then, and a whole new set of worries crossed her mind. The stress wasn't good for the baby, and at her age…she swallowed hard as she thought about what would happen if she went into labor right now. She felt a small bout of panic return and she had to talk herself down again.

Once she felt in control, she took the opportunity to look around the room again. Now that she was on her left side, her view was somewhat limited and she cursed her decision to move. She was facing the wall with the dresser, but it was relatively high and with all of the junk piled on top, she couldn't even come close to seeing the top of it. There was a closet door to the left of the dresser, and she saw the door was slightly ajar, but not enough to see inside. She scanned the room to the right and saw the closed door; she assumed if this apartment was laid out like theirs, it would lead to a small hallway. She strained to see the desk that sat to the right of the door, but in her current position, she could only see the left corner of it.

Her eyes trailed down to the floor and scanned back to the left. The number of dirty clothes and garbage on the floor was appalling and she was amazed she didn't see roaches or rats. An involuntary shudder ran through her body at the thought, knowing that with her limited ability to move, she wouldn't be able to keep anything from crawling on her.

 _Focus_. She needed to focus.

She was looking for anything she could use to free herself. She wished she knew exactly when he ditched the knife so she had some kind of idea where it was. She tugged at her restraints again, but felt like she was only tightening the knots when she did.

She wondered if, in his distraction, there was any chance the knife was to the right of her on the bed. She didn't want to move again, but she didn't see any options that would help her on this side of the room. The chance that the knife was close by, or some other means of help, was too big. She grabbed the rope with her hands again, bent her knees, and moved herself up towards the headboard just a little more. She loosened her fingers and worked to focus on keeping her breaths slow and even. Then she gripped the rope again and using her legs, twisted herself so she was on her back again. She made one more move, shifting her body to the right. She wasn't lying completely on her side, but was at enough of an angle to keep the pressure off her back.

She felt sweat beading on her hairline. It was so hot and stuffy in the bedroom that even that little bit of exertion was causing her to sweat. She took a moment to focus on her breathing again, before she went back to scanning the other side of the room. She realized quickly that the extra effort had been for nothing. There was nothing on this side of the room except another dirty white wall. She couldn't see the floor from this side of the full bed, so she scanned her eyes back towards the end of the bed. The desk came into focus and she stopped and focused her attention on the stuff strewn on top of it. She perused it slowly, making sure she didn't miss anything. Disappointment flared when she realized the knife wasn't there in the clutter.

 _Where the fuck did he drop it?_ The thought screamed in her head.

The only logical conclusion was that it was somewhere on the floor. She was almost 100% certain he hadn't had it on him. It hadn't been in either hand, and it would have been hard to miss a butcher knife sticking out of his pants pocket.

She let out a sound of frustration, realizing that it didn't really matter where the damn knife was. Even if it was sitting right next to her, there he would be very little she could to free herself. Between the tape and the rope, her hands were useless.

She looked at the clock and saw it was almost 11:30. She hadn't realized how long it had been since Steven left and she'd been assessing her situation. Since it was clear she wasn't going to be able to free herself, she had to think through what she would do when he got back. She thought about how she had started to gain his trust, but then the abrupt 180's in the conversation and his behavior had thrown her off. She didn't know if she could keep him focused enough to fool him into believing her. But as she considered her other options, she knew it was the best one she had. She had to up her game.

She glanced back at the clock and felt her stomach growl. She closed her eyes and wondered which she wanted more. For him to stay away a while longer so she had a few more hours of certain survival and relative safety, or if she wanted him to come back so she could end this one way or another. She was pretty certain that he wouldn't stay away long, and that she couldn't count on Elliot, or anyone else, to notice her missing in time to come to her rescue. There was just too much time left in the day. She felt a few tears slide down her cheeks and chastised herself for her feeling of helplessness.

She didn't need someone to rescue her. She was Badass Benson. She could take care of herself. Unfortunately, her little pep talk did little to raise her hopes. She was six months pregnant, gagged, bound and tied to the bed. Any of those things would be daunting on their own, but combined…

She tried to put those things out of her mind. She had to be positive and figure out how she was going to get Steven to untie her and get her off this bed.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot and Fin had talked to Mariah's mother, who had, in turn, called Maria's mother. She had fought the evidence presented, but finally had to agree that perhaps her daughter had a boyfriend. It took Elliot reminding her that perhaps that was a better alternative than a kidnapping (shaking his head the entire time).

When she got off the phone, she told him that Maria's mother knew the boy in question. Elliot and Fin thought they were pretty clear on what happened, but they were still obliged to run her down and be certain. If it turned out to be something other than what they thought, neither one of them wanted to be responsible. Better to return the girl to her mother safe and sound. They had the address of the boy and got in the sedan to head over there.

Elliot pulled out his phone and let out a sound of frustration when he saw he didn't have any messages from Olivia or Casey. He dropped his phone in the center console. He looked at his watch and saw it was a little after 12. "Where the hell is she?"

"You said it yourself." Fin said. "She's buried in paperwork and touching base with all of her clients."

"Is it so hard to just send me a quick text to let me know everything's OK?"

Fin rolled his eyes. "You just saw her four hours ago. What do you think could have happened between now and then?"

Elliot's phone rang and he snatched it up and answered without looking. "Liv?"

"Casey."

"Oh." He said, not sure whether or not to be disappointed. He really wanted to talk to Olivia, but he needed to hear some good news from Casey. "What'd you find out?"

"Elliot."

He knew right then, in the way she said his name, that she hadn't been able to work any magic and get his warrant. He tried not to be angry; he knew it wasn't her fault.

"I'm sorry. I tried." She said.

"I know."

"Don't do anything stupid." She admonished. "Keep digging into his past and if you come up with _anything_ else, we can try again."

"Thanks." He said half-heartedly. He hung up and tossed his phone back into the console.

"No luck?" Fin asked.

Elliot grumbled a no, shaking his head.

"That sucks." Fin said. "Since this is Liv we're talking about…" his voice trailed off and Elliot looked at him, knowing Fin would pretty much do anything for her.

"Yeah?" he prompted when he didn't finish his sentence.

Fin pulled the car to the curb and Elliot looked up, realizing they had reached Jesse's apartment complex. Fin put the car in park and looked over at Elliot. "Maybe when we've tied up things here, we can pay this psycho a visit."

"You sure you want to get involved?" Elliot asked. He had already been planning on going over there when they were done.

"I'm already involved." Fin said, climbing out of the car. "Besides, I have to make sure you don't do anything stupid. If you end up in jail, or on suspension, Liv will have my ass."

Elliot wanted to tell him that he didn't need a babysitter. But the reality was, it was probably a good idea to have him there. He was pretty sure he was going to lose his shit when he saw Crenshaw if he didn't fess up to watching Olivia.

"Thanks." He said as they walked up to the building.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot and Fin had Mariah in the back of the sedan. She had been alternately cursing them out and crying as they drove her to the precinct. Just as they'd suspected, they'd found them at Jesse's apartment. There had been a whole group of kids there, skipping school. They'd been drinking and smoking weed, and Elliot had found Jesse and Mariah in his bedroom, naked and tangled in the sheets.

Elliot shook his head. Jesse was going to be prosecuted for statutory rape and he would let Cragen sort out of the rest of the charges. It pissed him off that taxpayer money was spent chasing this girl down because of stupid behavior like this.

They dragged Mariah into the squad room and reunited her with her mother. It was obvious that her mother didn't know whether or not to be angry with her, or just overjoyed to see her. It was an odd mix of both as her mother yelled at her while pulling her into a hug.

Elliot sat down at his desk as the uniforms took them away and he pulled out his phone. It was almost 2 and he still hadn't heard from Olivia. He punched her number on speed dial once again and cursed under his breath when she didn't answer. If he had any idea where she was, he'd drop in. But he knew she was rarely in her office. He considered firing up the GPS locator, but he knew she'd be furious if he tracked her down.

"Hey."

Elliot looked over when he heard Fin. He didn't respond; just raised an eyebrow in question.

"Wanna grab some lunch?" he asked.

"Since when do they two of you have lunch together?" Munch asked.

"We have to compare notes and wrap up these case notes." Elliot said.

Munch looked at him skeptically, but he didn't say anything. He went back to his paperwork as Fin and Elliot stood up and left the squad room.

Thirty minutes later, Fin and Elliot were at Steven Crenshaw's door.

"Don't do anything stupid." Fin said.

"Why does everyone keep telling me that?" Elliot asked, annoyance in his voice.

"Because when it comes to Liv, you're an idiot." Fin said. "We're just going to knock on the door, see if we can talk him into letting us in. But we're not going to force our way in. That'll just mess us up from getting anywhere…and destroy any hope of getting to him in the future. We can scare the crap out of him right here. We'll get him to stay away from Liv and we never have to set foot in his apartment."

Elliot nodded. He knew that was true. He really just needed to let this guy know that he wasn't messing around. He had yelled at him to stay away from Liv before, but he obviously hadn't taken him seriously. This time…he would get his point across. Might as well start now. He lifted his arm and made a fist, pounding on the door.

"Crenshaw!" He yelled, pounding on the door several times with his fist. "Open up!"

He waited only a few seconds before he pounded again. "OPEN UP!"

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia startled awake. She looked over at the clock and saw it was 2:30. She realized she must have fallen asleep. She shifted uncomfortably. Her hands and arms were tingling, and she knew she had to get some blood flowing in them. She shifted again, trying to get in a more comfortable position. She stopped suddenly when she heard something. It sounded like pounding.

She focused her attention, and then she heard it again. Someone _was_ pounding. It sounded like someone was knocking on the front door of the apartment. She heard someone yelling, but she couldn't make out what they were saying.

It was silent for about 15 seconds, and then she heard the sound again. Someone was pounding on the front door…extremely hard…and then she heard it. That was Elliot's voice.

"Crenshaw!"

She struggled against her restraints and tried to yell, but the tape over her mouth muffled all sound. She strained against the ropes, trying to pound her hands against the headboard or wall…anything to make some sound. But the sound she made wasn't nearly loud enough to reach through two closed doors.

She heard another round of pounding and yelling, and she struggled again to make a sound. Any kind of sound to let them know someone was here. She was breathing hard when she stopped and listened, but the pounding had stopped.

 _Elliot._ His name ran through her mind as she struggled to breathe and tears ran down her cheeks.

EOEOEOEOEO

"He's not here." Fin said, grabbing Elliot's arm as he raised it to knock again.

Elliot wanted inside that apartment, but he knew Fin was right. It wouldn't be good to break in.

"This psycho have a job?" Fin asked.

"Yes." Elliot said, snapping his fingers. "Liv said he works at a bookshop."

"Probably something around here." Fin said.

Elliot nodded. "Let's go."


	71. Chapter 71

Elliot and Fin checked and found two bookshops in the area. Steven Crenshaw didn't work at the first, so they were headed to the second. Elliot peered in the window and saw Crenshaw unpacking some books from a box on the counter.

"That's him." He said to Fin.

Fin looked in the window. "He looks like a twerp."

"Yeah, well. How many crazies have we come across that look harmless?" He turned back towards the shop when he heard his phone ring. He grabbed it quickly and answered it.

"Liv?"

"Cragen."

 _Shit._ Elliot wished he would have looked at the caller ID before he answered it.

"Where the hell are you and Fin? I got 8 kids here and half a dozen parents and I have no idea who should be charged with what. Munch said you ran to lunch but you've been gone for an hour and a half."

Elliot's mind was racing, trying to think up a plausible reason to delay returning to the squad room. He wanted to finish this thing with Crenshaw. Not babysit a bunch of teenagers.

"Get your ass back here." Cragen said. "I want you back here, in my office, twenty minutes ago." He hung up the phone, not even waiting for a reply.

"Fuck." Elliot hissed.

"Let me guess. We have to head back." Fin said.

Elliot didn't answer. He looked back into the bookshop and then back at Fin.

Fin jerked his head to the car. "We'd better get going. Cragen sounded pissed and it's going to be at least twenty minutes back to the precinct unless we hit the lights and siren." He looked back at Crenshaw. "We know where he is…so we know he's not following Liv around right now. We can come back and talk to him after we're done at the precinct."

Elliot was still staring at Crenshaw, debating with himself. He knew Fin was right; as long as he was here, he wasn't tracking Olivia. He turned back to Fin. "Let's go."

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia listened, not wanting to believe that Elliot was gone. She felt fresh tears pricking the back of her eyes and she swallowed hard, willing herself not to cry. She was feeling overwhelmed. The stuffiness of the room, combined with the smell, was getting to her. She was thirsty and hungry and uncomfortable and she just needed to get the hell out of there.

Her anguish quickly turned to anger. She wanted to scream and rant. He had been _so_ close. She tugged at the rope again, her anger doubled as she felt the rope tighten around her wrists. She used her legs to push herself further up towards the headboard and dug her fingers into the knot tied around the metal rod of the headboard. It was tight as hell; she couldn't feel any give in it at all. She cursed inwardly as settled back down onto the bed.

She looked around the room desperately, despite knowing there wasn't anything she could use to free herself. Her breathing was becoming labored as another wave of panic overtook her. She couldn't get a full breath and her need to rip the tape from her mouth became unbearable. She tried to talk herself down; she needed to slow her breathing before she hyperventilated and passed out.

She twisted her ankles, trying to loosen the tape that bound her ankles. It didn't give either and she rammed her legs into the surface of the bed in frustration. The baby kicked her hard and she let out a grunt.

 _The baby_. She told herself to calm down for what seemed like the millionth time since this ordeal began.

She closed her eyes and tried to think of some of the breathing techniques she learned in baby classes for Elise.

 _Elise._

She focused on her daughter's little face. Her brown eyes and her dark hair. She thought about the day she was born. She'd been so scared when she'd gone into labor but when they laid her in her arms…she'd felt nothing but awe. Her daughter had a head of dark hair and Olivia remembered holding her breath when she looked into her daughter's eyes…expecting to see Elliot's baby blues staring back at her. She'd been surprised to see her own eyes looking up at her. She smiled and placed gentle kisses on her face. She'd inspected her ten perfect little fingers…and ten perfect little toes. She realized that she'd never felt so much pure joy. She ran her hands over her little body, and then promptly burst into tears.

Tears for her little girl who would never know her father. Tears for herself for losing the love of her life.

And now…just when she finally had everything she'd ever wanted…there was a real chance it was all going to be taken away from her.

Life was cruel.

 _This fucking city_. She'd grown up here; survived her childhood. As an adult, she'd followed her dream and through that, met her soulmate. But it seemed like ever since she'd been back, trouble had followed them. Followed her.

Life in Connecticut had been simple. She didn't have Elliot. She was lonely sometimes. But she and Elise had created a life there. She didn't have maniacs threatening her life.

Thinking back now, she wonders if she should have shown up at the precinct that fateful day in January. Maybe she was being punished for the choices she had made.

She realized tears were running down her cheeks again, and she chastised herself once again for wasting time on a pity party. That wasn't going to help her situation.

Her head jerked up when she heard a sound. She'd heard the front door close, and then heard a rustling noise. Her heart skipped a beat as she held her breath in anticipation.

 _Elliot._

The disappointment was like a shock to her system when she saw Steven Crenshaw open his bedroom door. She physically reacted, shrinking back against the bed, and all of her plans to win his trust were forgotten.

Steven looked alarmed when he walked into the room, and she watched as he set a paper bag down on top of the desk. He rushed over towards her.

"What happened to you?" he asked anxiously. He brushed her hair back from her sweaty brow and Olivia tried not to flinch. "You look sick."

She mumbled against the tape and he quickly grasped the edge to remove it. He ripped it off quickly and she let out a small yelp of pain as it tore at her skin, but then she gasped, taking it deep breaths. It was the first time in hours that she felt like she could fill her lungs.

"Are you sick?" he asked, peering down at her.

She shook her head. "Water." She said in a raspy voice. Her mouth and throat were so dry.

Steven nodded and rushed out of his room. She heard noise outside as he moved around and then saw him come back with a cup of water. The glass was dirty and she considered rejecting it, not knowing where the water had come from. But her thirst was overpowering and she sucked down as much as she could when he held the glass to her lips. Unfortunately, due to her awkward angle on the bed, a large portion of it ended up going down her neck and spilling on her chest. She lay her head back against the pillow, surprised at how much better she felt after just a little water.

"Better?" Steven asked.

Olivia nodded. She watched his expression and tried to remember the plans she had made earlier in the day. She swallowed hard and tried to summon some semblance of a smile.

"I missed you while you were gone." She said, the words sounding hollow to her own ears.

Steven furrowed his brow. "You did? I had to work."

Olivia nodded. "I was so lonely."

Steven bent over to grab something off the floor, and Olivia tried not to react when she saw him pick up a towel from the floor. He brought it up to her chest and swiped at the water that had been spilled. He lifted it up to wipe the sweat from her face and she turned her head.

"I'm fine." She said.

He looked puzzled but he dropped the towel back on the floor.

Olivia was trying to think about what to say, and remembered how much he lit up before when he talked about his job.

"You were at work?" she asked. "How was your day?"

He stilled completely, not answering her question. "My mother used to ask me about my day."

Olivia didn't know if that was good or bad, so she didn't respond.

"I like my job." He said. He walked around the other side of the bed and crawled on top, kneeling down next to her. "We got a new mystery in and I started reading it as soon as I had them all unpacked."

"You have time to read at work?" Olivia asked, trying to keep him talking.

He nodded. "If I'm done with all my work, my boss says it's OK. Then I can tell people about the books when they come in." He smiled. "I like to talk to people about the stories."

"I can tell you really love it there." Olivia said. "Maybe you can take me there some day."

He nodded enthusiastically. "Because you're my girlfriend now?"

"Yeah." Olivia said softly.

"I always wanted a girlfriend." He said. "I met a nice girl once but she wouldn't kiss me." He said, looking off into space, as if remembering something from a long time ago. "I was so nice to her but she said she didn't want me to be her boyfriend." He turned his attention back to her, looking back and forth between her eyes. "Are you lying to me?" he asked.

"No." she said quickly. "I don't know about that other girl, but she obviously couldn't see what a nice guy you are."

"No. She didn't. She pushed me away and called the police…" His voice trailed off.

Olivia interrupted before he got upset again. "Steven. I don't want to talk about her. Let's talk about us."

He nodded again and turned his full attention back to her. He reached over towards her and touched her cheek lightly. He ran his fingers down her neck and over her shoulder and she tried not to tense up. His hand stopped at her shoulder, and he stared at his own hand as it rested there. She was a little unsure of her next step, but she thought it might be the one thing that would put him at ease and make him really believe what she was saying.

"Do you think about kissing me Steven?"

He hesitated for a moment, and then nodded very slightly.

"Steven." She said softly and he looked up at her. "It's OK. I'm your girlfriend. You can kiss me."

She swallowed hard, knowing she was potentially playing with fire. She was betting on the fact that he'd never kissed anyone before and that he wouldn't take it any farther.

He looked uncomfortable; unsure of what to do.

"It's OK." Olivia said, trying to reassure him. She considered asking him to untie her hands, but she didn't want to push him. Besides, her arms were half asleep and she knew, especially in her condition, that she wouldn't be able to overpower him. She needed to get her hands on the knife.

Steven leaned over towards her and she closed her eyes, bracing herself for the kiss. She felt his hot, stale breath on her face and she swallowed hard, and then it was gone. She opened her eyes and saw he was sitting back on his heels again, staring at her.

"Steven?"

He shifted until he was lying down beside her, and she moaned as his motions rocked her body, causing additional strain on her arms. He moved his body next to hers and rested his head on shoulder, adjusting his head and burying his face into her neck. He draped his right arm beneath her breasts.

Olivia's mind went into overdrive, trying to figure out what he was doing. She hadn't pegged him as a rapist, and what he was doing wasn't overtly sexual, and yet, she felt uneasy at the proximity of his body and hers. He was breathing heavily into her neck and the fingers of his right hand were digging slightly into her side. A kiss was one thing…

She was going to have to change her tactics.

"Do you think you could untie my arms? So we could get more comfortable?" she asked.

Steven didn't respond.

"Steven?" she asked. "Please. I can't get close to you this way."

Still no response. Now she was starting to get annoyed, but she tried to tamp it down. She had tried to be sweet, to lure him into trusting her. That didn't seem to be working, so she thought about trying something else. Her first instinct was to say something to shock him…to get some kind of reaction. But she knew that could backfire.

"Maybe it's not a good idea for me to be your girlfriend."

Her comment got no reaction and she knew it probably wasn't a good idea to push him any farther. She was still bound to the bed, and if he got violent, she had no way to protect herself. She felt his body relax against hers. She tried to look down at him, but she couldn't move her head with the way he was wedged against her.

In the next moment, she realized that he had fallen asleep.

No. No. No. This couldn't be happening. She couldn't stand to lie here any longer. She tried to shift again, but his body was too heavy against hers. She looked over at the clock, and cursed under her breath when she saw it was almost 4.

She decided she was going to let him sleep for a little while; maybe he would be more amenable. She was going to wake him, and then sweet talk him into untying her arms and removing the tape. Then she was going to get that knife.

She closed her eyes, trying to focus her attention on anything except the man lying next to her.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia opened her eyes and realized Steven had gotten off the bed and was standing at the end of the bed. She cursed herself for falling asleep again, and she wondered how much time had passed. She kept her eyes trained on him as he let his hand fall to her ankle. She saw his eyes trail up her body but she kept her expression neutral.

"You don't want to be my girlfriend?" he asked.

Damn it. He had heard her.

He started to move his hand up her leg, trailing over her black leggings. His eyes followed the path of his hand. "That's what Jenny said. And that make me angry." He stopped his hand and let it rest on the middle of her thigh, squeezing lightly as he looked up at her. "I thought you were different." His expression was cold as he looked at her.

Olivia shook her head. "I _am_ different. I _want_ to be your girl." She said, trying her best to smile. "I just wasn't sure if you still wanted me." She inwardly cursed at her choice of words, but she was frantic now, seeing something in his eyes she hadn't seen before.

He dug his fingers into her flesh and she winced. "I told you that I did!" He yelled at her. "I'm not a liar! You're a liar!"

Olivia shook her head again. "No. No." She tried to think of what to say. "I was just confused. You said you thought about kissing me but then you didn't and so I thought you had changed your mind."

"You want me to kiss you?" he asked, and she saw he relaxed slightly.

"I told you I did." She said. She decided to take a chance. She looked up at her hands. "Do you think you could untie my hands? It's really hard to kiss you like this."

Steven seemed to be thinking about her request.

"Please." She said, giving him another smile. "We were fine before you left. My hands are still taped together."

He nodded and Olivia watched as he walked over towards the desk. She saw him bend over again and turn back towards her with the knife in his hand.

Olivia started to think that maybe she hadn't been a good idea to make him pick up the knife again. She tensed as he walked back over towards her, but he went right for the rope, sawing at it with the knife. After a few minutes, her arms were free. He backed away from the bed, watching her.

She lowered them down, wincing as she did. Her shoulders were killing her and her arms were stiff. She wanted nothing more than to have her hands free so she could rub some circulation back into them.

He looked at her expectantly. She saw his eyes drop to her mouth and she prepared herself for him to move closer. She saw him drop the knife on the floor, but his right hand went to the front of his pants, and she realized he had an erection. Her eyes shot up to his and she saw a creepy grin on his face as he began to rub himself through his pants.

She had to get her hands and feet free. _Now._ He was making no move to actually kiss her, and she had no idea what was running through his mind right now, but this was different behavior. Again. She felt like she couldn't keep up with the changes in his personality and it made it hard to know how to deal with him. She risked talking, hoping she could divert his attention. "Steven." She said, trying to keep the distress out of her voice.

His hand stilled but he kept it in place.

"Please." She said, and this time, she heard the tremor in her own voice. "I _really_ have to go to the bathroom. I've been tied up here all day." It was partially a ploy, but she wasn't lying; she really did have to go. She hoped he would be reasonable and unbind her…and then she could lock herself in the bathroom and figure out what to do next. If she could get the circulation back into her system and catch him by surprise…maybe…just maybe…she could find something to knock him out. Or at least slow him down until she got to the knife.

He cocked his head and looked at her. "But we're going to have sex." He said. "You said." He reached for the hem of her sweater and she tried to pull her body away from him. "You have to take your clothes off." He found the waistband of her leggings. "I saw it in a movie."

"Steven!" she said sharply, getting his attention. She had no idea how his mind had leapt from kissing her to having sex; but she was done trying to figure him out.

He furrowed his brows and looked at her, but he pulled his hands from her waist.

"We can't have sex until I go to the bathroom." She was in full blown panic now, knowing there was nothing she could do to stop him if he didn't listen to her. "And you have to untie me." She said, trying to calm down. "My legs can't be bound together. I know you know that."

Steven nodded.

Olivia was happy to see that the apparent promise of giving him what he wanted had driven him to compliance. He started to pick at the tape at her ankles, but he was ineffective. Now that she'd told him she had to go to the bathroom, she realized how badly she really did.

"Do you have a scissors?" she asked, prompting him to hurry up. He looked back at her and then stood up and went to his desk. He pulled a pair of scissors from the drawer and came back, cutting at the tape. It took a few minutes, but her ankles were finally free and she rolled them around, trying to loosen the stiffness.

She expected him to cut her hands free, but when he turned to her, he wasn't holding them any longer. Steven reached for her bound hands, grabbed hold of her wrists and pulled her roughly from the bed.

Olivia cried out in pain as her entire body weight stretched her sore arms and shoulders. She wobbled slightly on her feet as they touched the ground but had no time to recover as he tugged her towards the bedroom door. Olivia tried to look for the knife on the floor, but it was obviously covered with garbage. She wasn't even sure where he had dropped it any longer, and she realized she was weaker than she thought from lack of food and dehydration.

Steven continued to tug at her arms as he led her down the dark hallway. She tried to look around, but she knew that outside the bedroom was pretty much the same as inside. She stumbled through garbage and kicked cans as they made their way to the bathroom.

"Here." He said, shoving her roughly through the bathroom door. She caught herself on the counter, still a little unsteady on her feet. She turned around to face him as he flipped the light switch. A single, weak bulb over the sink dimly lit the room, and Olivia felt vomit coming up at the stench in the room. She swallowed furiously to keep it down and trained her eyes back on Steven. She held up her hands. "I need you to take the tape off my hands."

He shook his head. "You're trying to trick me."

"No. Please." She pleaded. She couldn't hold it now…but there was no way she was going to let him be the one to pull down her leggings and underwear.

"I'll help you." He said as he walked into the small room with her.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot looked at his watch and saw it was almost 5:00. He was pissed that he hadn't heard from Olivia all day, and although he didn't want to fight with her, he was going to bring it up tonight. It was bullshit. Since she wasn't answering her phone, he thought he'd take a chance and call Sam. Olivia was supposed to be home at 4:30 but Sam had agreed to stay each day until 5 so Olivia had a few minutes to change and relax. He hoped maybe he could catch her while Sam was still at the apartment. He opened up his contacts and found Sam's number. He hit SEND and waited while it rang, leaning back in his chair.

"Hello?"

"Sam. It's Elliot Stabler."

"Hi Mr. Stabler."

"How did the afternoon go?" he asked.

"It went great." Sam detailed the pick-up and the stop in the park and what they did when they got back to the apartment.

"That sounds like fun." He said. "By any chance are you still there?"

"Yes, of course. Where else would I be?" she asked.

"Well, I thought maybe Olivia had already sent you on your way." He knew Olivia wouldn't just sit around despite their agreement with Sam.

"Olivia's not here." She said.

Elliot sat up in his chair. "What d'ya mean she's not there?"

"She hasn't come home yet."

"Have you heard from her?" he asked.

"No." she said. "Is everything OK?"

"I don't know." He said, standing up. "Can you do me a favor?" he asked.

"Sure."

"Can you stay a little longer? I'm on my way." Elliot stood up and motioned to Fin.

"No problem."

Elliot disconnected the call. He looked over at Fin. "Liv's not home yet."

"What time is she supposed to be home?"

"Half an hour ago."

Fin shrugged his shoulders. "She's just running a little late."

"No." Elliot said, shaking his head. "Something's not right." He knew he'd been uneasy at not hearing from her all day; she didn't normally do that, no matter how busy she was. And now to be late on Sam's first day. That wasn't like her at all.

"Time to pay another visit to Crenshaw?" Fin asked.

Elliot nodded and looked over at Munch. "John, activate the GPS locator on Liv's phone and call me when you have a location." He and Fin headed out the door.

 _AN: I'm really not trying to drag this out, but I only have so much time to write, so I'm assuming you'd rather get an update vs. waiting for me to finish this up. Don't worry, it's going to end one way or another with Crenshaw in the next chapter._


	72. Chapter 72

Steven walked into the small; bathroom, but Olivia put her bound hands up to stop him, despite being unsure of how he'd react. She pushed her hands against his chest, stopping him in his tracks.

"Please." She said, flashing him a quick smile. "I need some privacy."

Steven grabbed her hands. "You need my help." He said stubbornly.

Olivia shook her head, knowing she was probably pushing her luck. "You don't trust me?" She plastered an innocent look on her face, trying to change the course back to their earlier interactions, when she seemed to be garnering her trust.

She saw the confused look return, and she wanted to monopolize on that; keep him off-kilter. She pushed her hands against his chest, forcing him back a step. His back hit the doorframe and Olivia pushed up against him. "If I'm going to be your girlfriend, you're going to have to learn to trust me."

Due to her belly, she was slightly turned against him. She could feel his erection against her hip, and she knew she was playing a dangerous game. But she needed to get him to take the tape off her wrists or she'd never get out of here. She leaned in and ghosted her lips over his, swallowing her revulsion as she did. "Take the tape off my hands, let me go to the bathroom, and then we can be together." She whispered, her lips making incidental contact as she spoke.

Steven was still gripping her hands, and they were sandwiched between their bodies. Olivia tensed slightly when he simply stared at her without answering, and she worried that she'd misjudged her acting ability. But she couldn't veer off-course now; she wasn't in any position to overpower him.

She took a chance and pressed her lips lightly against his. He jerked his head back, and pushed her body away from his. She faltered slightly with the force of it, and landed against the vanity.

Olivia braced herself as he came at her again, but this time, he grabbed her hands and started tearing at the tape. Olivia wanted to suggest he get the scissors or the knife, but she didn't want to give him any opportunity to change his mind. He tore away one piece of tape and threw it on the floor. Olivia watched as he started tearing at the next piece and she clenched her legs together, wanting to urge him to hurry so she could use the toilet.

When he finally tore off the last piece of tape, he backed away from her quickly, almost as if he expected her to attack. "There." He said. He motioned towards the toilet. "Go."

Olivia rubbed her wrists, flexing them and trying to remove the stiffness. She looked at him, seeing he had no intent on leaving the room. "I need some privacy." She said quietly. She wanted to look around the room and have a few moments to figure out her next steps.

He shook his head. "No." He backed up to the doorway, and Olivia noticed there wasn't even a door. She was happy when he took a few more steps backward, so that he was actually standing in the hallway. He looked away from her then, and she knew that was the best she could hope for. She used the bathroom as quickly as she could, managing to keep herself covered with her sweater while she went. She hovered over the disgusting toilet so she didn't have to actually make contact. When she was done, she looked at the sink, surprised to see there was actually soap. She washed her hands quickly, not wanting her back to him for any longer than necessary.

When she turned around, she saw Steven was back in the room. He grabbed her arms roughly, wrapping his fingers around her biceps. She cursed inwardly that the more aggressive Steven had returned.

"You tricked me." He said.

"What?" Olivia asked, genuinely surprised at his statement. She thought she'd done a pretty good job of convincing him she could be trusted.

"You're pretending just like the other girls." He said. "Pretty girls lie and just pretend they like you but then they hurt you."

Olivia shook her head. She hadn't done anything in the last few minutes to make him think that. Dealing with his constantly changing mental state was exhausting. "No. I'm not like the other girls." She said as he moved backward, dragging her with him out into the hallway.

"Don't lie to me!" he yelled. He slammed her up against the wall so hard that her head bounced off of it. He was digging his fingers into her biceps and she felt a small thread of panic at how angry he was getting. He had his arms outstretched as he pushed her against the wall, and her arms were useless pinned against the wall. From this angle, she knew kicking him wouldn't make an impact and would probably just enrage him more. She knew her best bet was to stay in character.

"You're hurting me." She said, trying to appeal to the part of him that liked her. "I promise you…I want to be here with you."

"What about your husband?" he asked. "He's going to come looking for you."

"We could go away." Olivia suggested, jumping on the idea of leaving as a way to get out of the apartment. Once she was outside, she could scream and cry for help. "Anywhere you want."

"But this is my home." He said with a scowl. "I grew up here. My mother is here."

Olivia had forgotten about his mother. She had no idea what time it was, but she wondered if she'd be home any time soon. "I'd like to meet your mother."

"No!" he said, releasing her slightly only to slam her back into the wall and firm up his grip again.

Olivia gasped slightly, trying to catch her breath. "OK." Olivia agreed quickly. "But I'm sure she would understand that you want to go away and start a new life."

"Shut up!" he screamed at her.

"We can stay here. I didn't mean…"

Steven was shaking his head, looking down at the floor and muttering to himself again and Olivia tried to understand what he was saying. Before she could even react, he took a few steps closer to her, a menacing look on his face. "You are a LIAR!" He yelled, spittle spraying her in the face. He started to shake her, his fingers now increasingly painful as he gripped her upper arms. "I'm going to tie you up…"

Olivia wasn't even listening anymore...she was done with this mental and physical torture. She brought her knee up and Steven's new proximity worked in her favor as she connected with his groin. Her belly and the weakness in her legs meant she didn't make the impact she had wanted, but it was enough. He let out a scream as he released her arms, bending over in pain. Olivia saw her opportunity and pushed herself off the wall. She knew this hallway ran into the living room and she thought she could make it to the front door. She started to move quickly in that direction, but her dehydrated state combined with the garbage on the floor was making it hard for her, and she stumbled as she tried to gain her footing. Her hands hit the ground as she fell and she scrambled to get back up. She had just passed the bedroom door when she heard Steven yell behind her.

"Nooo!"

She didn't want to slow herself down by looking back. She realized her mistake in going for the door when Steven dove at her, wrapping his arms around her shins and bringing her down. She caught herself with her hands, shielding the baby from the force of the fall. She tried to kick at him, but with his arms wrapped around her legs, it was nearly impossible. She tried to drag herself along the floor, and she felt a sharp pain as her arm connected with something sharp on the floor. She ignored it and tried to keep moving, but Steven's weight was dragging her down as he tried to constrain her.

He was yelling at her again, calling her a liar and she felt his grip loosen as he tried to adjust his hold on her. She took the opportunity and turned her body slightly. She balled her hand into a fist, and swung her arm back as hard as she could. She felt her fist connect with his jaw, the tremor of the impact running up her arm. She felt him fall away slightly and she surged forward. She was free of him, but knew she only had seconds. There was no time to get to the door, unlock it and get out. She turned around, practically leaping over Steven as she headed back to the bedroom. She felt him snag her ankle and she fell once again, catching herself with her arms but hitting her head on the doorframe. She blinked rapidly, trying to clear her head. She heard him breathing heavily behind her as he struggled to his feet and she pushed herself up again. She was on her feet, looking frantically for the knife, but there was so much garbage on the floor, she couldn't see it.

She turned to see where Steven was and at that moment, but he was right there, and he tackled her again, knocking her on to the bed. She was on her back, and he climbed on top of her, sitting on top of her thighs, and she swung her arms at him, trying to knock him off of her. He grabbed her left hand with his and held onto it while he tried to capture her right hand. She hit at him ineffectually, catching him on the arm and the shoulder, but nothing was affecting him. He was wearing that same creepy grin as he stared down at her and Olivia tried bucking her hips up to get him off of her. If this was going to be the end for her, she wasn't going to go without a fight. He leaned over her awkwardly and pressed her left hand to the bed. At this angle, Olivia's right hand was ineffective. She tried to claw at his arm and his back but he moved his face very close to hers.

His hot, stale breath gagged her, and she started to panic. She couldn't breathe.

He smiled at her again, his face mere inches from hers. "You are a LIAR! I thought you would be DIFFERENT. But you're NO GOOD! NO GOOD!" He screamed in her face.

Olivia twisted her head to the right, trying to find some air. And that's when she saw it. The scissors. He had left them on the end of the bed.

She gasped as she felt his hand wrap around her neck and she turned back to face him. Her hands went to his, trying to pull his fingers from her throat. But she couldn't loosen them. She looked up into his eyes, and saw the craziness there. She knew she only had moments before she blacked out. He was squeezing so hard, cutting off her airway.

She reached out with her right hand, searching for the scissors. Her hand connected with them, and she wasted no time and bringing her hands up, driving the point of the scissors into his neck. Warm blood spurted out, spraying her, and she felt him release her immediately, his hands going to his own neck. She saw the look of surprise on his face but she brought the scissors up again, stabbing him in the chest.

He collapsed on top of her, blood pouring freely from his wounds. She saw the edge of darkness crowd her vision before she passed out.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot and Fin headed towards Elliot and Olivia's apartment building. They were almost there when his phone rang. He saw it was Munch and he picked it up.

"Elliot. Liv's cell phone shows she's at your apartment." Munch said.

"Are you fucking serious?" He was so upset right now. She could at least have had the common courtesy to call him when she got home. She had to have known he was trying to reach her. "Thanks John." He hung up the phone and turned to Fin. "GPS says she's home. Want me to turn around and drive you back?"

"Nah." Fin said. "I'll just stop in and say hi and catch a cab back. No problem. Just glad she's home."

They pulled up in front of the apartment building and Elliot parked illegally, placing his police identification on the dash. "I'll move later." He said, when Fin raised his eyebrow in question. When they got inside the building, Elliot took the stairs, Fin chugging up behind him. They reached Elliot's apartment and he let himself in.

"Liv?" he said, walking into the apartment. Fin came in behind him and closed the door.

Elise came running out of her room. "Daddy. Daddy." She flung herself at Elliot and he scooped her up and gave her a big hug. "I had so much fun with Sam today. She picked me up at school and we went to the park and she pushed me super high on the swings…" Elliot listened to her while he looked expectantly down the hall, but he wasn't prepared when he saw Sam come into view.

He set Elise down, staring at Sam. "Where's Olivia?" he asked.

Sam shrugged. "I told you before. She's not home yet."

Elise was still babbling and had wrapped her arms around his leg. Elliot turned towards Fin, dragging her with him. "She's not here."

"But the GPS…"

Elliot cut him off, a look of shock on his face. "Son of a bitch." He said, a realization dawning on him. "She's next door." He looked up at Sam. "Take her and call 9-1-1-." He said, pushing Elise towards Sam. Fin was ahead of them as they headed out the door and they were at Crenshaw's apartment door in seconds. Fin stopped him right before he was about to kick at the door.

"Hold on." He said.

"What the fuck?" Elliot said as Fin pushed him back.

"We don't know what we're dealing with." He said. "We don't even know if she's in there."

"She's in there Fin. I know it."

"We should wait for the hostage team." He said.

"We don't know what he's doing to her right now." Elliot said, trying not to yell and alert Crenshaw to their presence. "She could be hurt." He wouldn't allow himself to think that she may be dead.

Fin nodded. "If we go busting in there though…that might make it worse. If we knock, maybe he'll come to the door. As soon as he opens it, even a crack, I'll kick the door and you tackle him."

Elliott knew Fin was right. "And if he doesn't answer the door?"

"We kick it in." Fin said.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia opened her eyes. Steven's dead weight was suffocating her and she tried shifting beneath him. Her throat was sore and dry; she had blood in her mouth. It was everywhere. She heard pounding, but it sounded so far away. She couldn't seem to focus her mind, and she couldn't get a breath.

She heard pounding again and her eyes flew open.

 _Elliot_. She mouthed. She had no way of knowing if it was really him, but it was someone. "Help." She said, but it was nothing more than a hoarse whisper. She tried to use her hands to push Steven's body from hers, but she didn't have the strength. She felt herself fading. It was so hard to keep her eyes open. Her head hurt. Her throat hurt.

 _So tired._

She closed her eyes again.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot knocked on the door with his fist, his patience winnowing and his adrenaline kicking in. After the third knock, he shook his head and looked at Fin. At that moment, he heard sirens, and knew he only had moments before Cragen and the hostage team was there, taking the decision out of his hands.

"Do it." Said Fin.

Elliot reared back and gave the door a solid kick. It held and he cursed. He gave it another solid kick and the doorframe cracked slightly.

"Again." Fin said, lining up his weapon.

Elliot gave it one more solid kick and the door gave way, causing him to almost fall into the apartment. He caught himself and gave the room a quick once-over. The apartment smelled and there was garbage everywhere, but there was another scent.

He looked over at Fin and knew he smelled it too. "Blood." He said, and Fin nodded.

"Crenshaw. Show yourself." He and Fin walked into the apartment, weapons drawn. The looked around the living room and Elliot put his back to the wall, peering down the hallway. The apartment was eerily silent, and Elliot worried that he'd been wrong. And then he saw Olivia's bag on the floor, near the entrance to the hallway. He pointed at it and Fin nodded.

Elliot turned down into the hallway, and saw an open doorway immediately on his right. He headed for it, realizing the scent of blood was growing stronger. He pointed to the room and Fin nodded again.

"Go. I got you covered." He whispered.

Elliot whipped around the corner, weapon drawn, and his heart stopped. He let out an anguished cry at the scene laid out in front of him. Crenshaw was lying on top of Olivia and there was blood everywhere. They were both covered in it. Olivia's eyes were closed and it didn't look like she was breathing. "No. No. No." he repeated, rushing over to the bed.

Fin ran into the room behind him and stopped cold.

Elliot grabbed Crenshaw's arm and pulled him off Olivia and his body crumpled to the floor. Fin ran over to the body, his gun drawn, but it was clear that he was dead. A pair of scissors was sticking out of his shoulder.

Elliot climbed up on the bed, and he felt like his heart was being torn in two. Olivia was absolutely drenched in blood and he took her face in his hands, turning her head, looking for wounds. His hands trailed down her body; if she was cut or shot, he needed to stop the bleeding. He couldn't find anything and he placed his bloodied hands on her cheeks. "Olivia." He yelled. "Liv." He realized he had tears streaming down his face as he called her name.

Fin had climbed on to the bed on her other side, and Elliot looked up at him in desperation. Elliot dropped his head to her chest, trying to listen for a heartbeat. "Olivia." He cried. He cupped her face in his hands again and leaned over, trying to determine if she was breathing.

"I've got a pulse." Fin said, and Elliot looked up at him. He saw he was holding her wrist. "It's weak, but it's there."

Elliot turned when he heard Olivia cough and her eyes fluttered open as she gasped for air. _Elliot._ She mouthed his name. She had no voice; she felt like she couldn't breathe. _Was this real?_

"I'm right here." He said. "You're OK. You're going to be OK."

The next thing Elliot knew, he was pulled off the bed and away from Olivia. EMT's and police swarmed the room, focusing their attention on Olivia.

"Give them some space." Cragen asked, snagging his arm and dragging him back a few paces. Elliot resisted, but then realized he had to let them help her. Olivia's eyes were closed again and he didn't know what that meant.

"Is she OK?" he yelled at the EMT's but they ignored him, quickly slipping an oxygen mask over her face and checking her vitals. He heard one EMT radio in some information and it was all happening so fast.

"Let them do their job." Cragen said. "Are you hurt? There was blood everywhere, and it was hard to know who it belonged to.

"No. I'm not." He looked up at Fin who was standing on the other side of the room, watching them work on Olivia just as everyone else was. He looked briefly down at Crenshaw's body on the floor and he felt a powerful rage surge through him.

He was distracted when another couple of EMT's brought in a board. "We can't get the cart in here." He said and lay it on the bed next to her. Elliot watched helplessly as they lifted Olivia onto the board.

"I'm going with her." Elliot said.

"We need to know what happened here." Cragen said. "You're going to have to be questioned."

Elliot looked at him incredulously. "Are you fucking kidding me right now?

"Later." Cragen said. "Go." He said as they carried Olivia out of the room. Elliot stopped and looked back at him. "Elise." He said.

Cragen nodded. "We'll take care of it." He said.

Elliot nodded and jogged after the EMT's, praying to God that she, and the baby, were going to be OK.

AN: Whew! That was intense. I'm not going to lie. I didn't really expect all of that to happen, and for it to go on that long. So sorry to drag you through that. Hopefully everyone is going to be OK. (Liv, the baby and YOU).


	73. Chapter 73

AN: Sorry for the delay in getting an update posted. The last chapter took a lot out of me! Let's find out how everyone is doing. Here we go.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot watched the EMT's as they wheeled her out of the her out of the apartment building. They loaded the gurney into the back of the ambulance and Elliot was just about to follow the EMT's inside when he felt a hand on his arm.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Elliot turned and saw Ed Tucker standing next to him. He shrugged his hand off his arm. "With her." He said, turning back to the ambulance.

Tucker grabbed his arm again. "I don't think so."

"Take your fucking hands off me." Elliot said, turning to face Tucker. "I'm going with her and you can't stop me."

"Correct me if me if I'm wrong, but there's a dead man inside, and the only three people that know what went on inside that apartment is her." He nodded towards the ambulance. "You and Tutuola." He took a step closer to Elliot. "No way I'm gonna let the two of you talk before we have a chance to question each of you. Individually."

"Are you fucking kidding me? That's Olivia in the back of that ambulance. I have no idea if she's going to be OK. If my unborn child is going to be OK. And you're worried that the fucking psycho that did this to her is dead? He's lucky he's dead."

The EMT stuck his head up of the ambulance. "Are you coming? We need to go." He grabbed the door to close it. Elliot put his hand on the door to stop it from closing.

"Tucker!" Elliot heard Cragen's voice and turned and saw him walking towards them.

"I need to question Stabler and you know it. I can't let him go. If he talks to the victim before we can question him, everything they say will be tainted." Tucker said, looking at Cragen. "If I have to arrest him for obstruction of justice, I will."

Elliot's jaw dropped. "Victim? That's Olivia!"

"Detective!" The EMT said.

Cragen looked up at the EMT. "Go." He said. The EMT wrenched the door out of Elliot's hand, closed it, and took off. Cragen looked at Elliot. "I'm sorry." He said, shaking his head. "We have to let them go for Olivia's sake." He scowled. "As much as I hate to say it, Tucker's right. So answer his questions quickly and you can get to the hospital."

Cragen looked at Tucker. "You need to do the right thing and question him here. No dragging him down to the station or any of that bullshit. He needs to get to the hospital ASAP."

"You don't tell me what to do Captain." Tucker said.

Cragen was about to say something else when Elliot interrupted. "Question me on the way to the hospital." He didn't want to waste any more time. He knew Tucker was going to follow procedure, and would follow through on his threat to detain him. Then he'd never get to the hospital. He would answer his questions, and get to the hospital.

Asshole had a hard-on for he and Olivia for years. He would pay Tucker a private visit. Later.

Tucker looked between Cragen and Elliot and nodded.

"Let's go." Elliot said, rushing past Tucker. He needed to get this over with so he could get to the hospital.

EOEOEOEO

When Elliot made it to the ER, an hour had passed. He barged in, and saw Cragen talking to the nurse.

"Fucking Tucker kept me locked in his car for an hour." He directed at Cragen. "Where's Olivia? What did the doctor say? How's the baby? Is she awake?" He started firing questions at the nurse and Cragen, frantically scanning the area, trying to figure out where she was. "I want to see her."

"Sir, the doctor will be out in a minute." The nurse said, holding her hands up as if to stop him from pushing past her.

Elliot was just about to tell her to get out of his way when he saw the doctor walking towards them. He wasn't certain if it was good that they knew him or not…there had been so many visits to the ER with victims that they were on a first name basis. "Doctor…"

The doctor reached them before he could even ask any questions. "Elliot."

"Tell me. How is she? Is the baby OK?"

Cragen put a hand on Elliot's arm. "Let him talk."

Elliot bit his tongue, wishing he could reach across and manually pull the words from the doctor's mouth. He was about to tell him he didn't want to hear what he had to say…he just wanted to see her. But then the doctor started his litany.

"I was a little alarmed when I saw Olivia come in. She was absolutely covered in blood. But it turns out, when we started cleaning her up, that very little of it was hers. She had a cut on her left arm that required a few stitches, but that's the only cut I could find. She has bruising on her upper arms and…" He hesitated. "And around her throat."

"He choked her." Elliot said.

"Looks that way." He said, nodding his head. "She has a concussion, and a small lump on the back, but it's nothing major. No broken bones. No other major injuries that I can see."

"She wasn't…" Elliot couldn't even bring himself to say the words, but luckily, the doctor knew exactly was he was asking.

"No. She wasn't sexually assaulted."

A small sound escaped from Elliot's throat; the only thing he'd been able to see was the blood everywhere. And the fact that she wasn't conscious. He hadn't really thought much beyond that until Tucker was questioning him in the car. Then it was all he could think about.

"And the baby?" Elliot's voice choked when he asked. He didn't know how many more chances they would get; it seemed like the fates were against them when it came to this child.

"We did a very through ultrasound and the baby seems just fine. Normally, in cases like this, when we think the vic…patient may have been battered, we worry about the placenta pulling away from the wall of the uterus or the baby having injuries, but he is moving around as normal and his heartbeat is regular."

"It's a boy?" Elliot whispered. Everything in the last few moments had been overwhelming, but now, finding out he was having a son, and that he and Olivia were OK…it was almost impossible for him to keep the emotion out of his voice.

The doctor hesitated, realizing his mistake. "I'm sorry."

"No." said Elliot hurriedly. "It's fine. He's fine?"

"Well, Olivia was very dehydrated and so I'm worried about her going into premature labor. She's only 24 weeks along…she's got a long way to go."

"She's in labor?" Elliot asked.

The doctor shook his head. "No. But dehydration can cause her to go into labor. We have her hooked up to an IV, and I think she'll be fine. But I just want to give you a heads up."

Elliot nodded. "So…besides the dehydration and the minor concussion…they're going to be OK?" He could hardly believe what he was hearing after the scene he saw in the apartment.

"The only thing I'm still concerned about is that she got the other man's blood in her mouth, and most likely in the wound on her arm. So we'll need to test him for Hepatitis and HIV…"

"He's dead." Elliot said.

"Yeah, well. The medical examiner can test his blood and we'll test Olivia." He shook his head. "Hopefully it's nothing to worry about."

"Can I see her?"

The doctor nodded. "Most likely, we'll just keep her overnight. But if she shows no sign of labor, we'll let her go home in the morning."

Elliot stuck out his hand. "Thank you." He rushed past the doctor and he called after him. "Exam Room 16."

Eliot rushed down the hall, looking at the room numbers. He was passing Room 14 on his right when he saw a nurse coming out of what he assumed was 16. She left the door slightly ajar, and Elliot hesitated for a moment, trying to collect himself. He didn't want to break down when he saw her. He took a deep breath and then knocked lightly.

"Come in." he heard her voice faintly and he pushed the door open. He swallowed hard as he saw her sitting in the bed. They had been here too many times, and he hated how small and vulnerable she looked lying there. The bed was propped up and her head was lying back against the pillow. Her arms were crossed above her belly and he could see a bandage on her left arm. An IV was inserted in the back of her hand, and when he walked into the room, he saw her eyes were closed. He could see the dark bruises, in the shape of fingers, around her neck and he swallowed hard.

"Liv." He said softly.

Olivia opened her eyes and he heard a small sob escape her throat when she saw him. "Elliot." She choked out and he rushed over to her. She sat up, holding her arms out to him, and he wrapped his arms around her torso and buried his face in her hair.

"Oh God Liv." He rasped against her skin, moving his lips to her forehead.

Olivia was crying as she buried her face in his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Shhh." Elliot said.

"I should have listened to you. I…"

Elliot pulled his mouth from her forehead and looked down at her. "I'm just so thankful you're OK." He released her and she rested back against the bed. He slid his hands down to her belly, his eyes watering as they followed. "And that he's OK." He looked up at her. "Our son. We're having a son."

Olivia nodded, sliding her hands down to his. "I tried to protect him." She had tears streaming down her cheeks now.

Elliot leaned over. "Hey little man. You're a fighter. And so is your Mom." He stood up and looked back at her, leaving one hand resting on her belly. "You protected him, and you saved yourself." Elliot said. "I don't know what that man did to you…" he squeezed her hand. "But he's dead. He can't hurt you anymore."

"He's dead?" Olivia asked. She had thought he probably was, but it was good to hear confirmation. A sob escaped from her throat. "I didn't want to have to kill him." She shook her head, the images of his attack fresh in her mind. "I didn't know what he was going to do." She was choking on her words as she talked, sobs wrenching from her. Everything that had happened was catching up to her now. "The only thing I could think of is that I had to protect this baby at all costs."

"I know you did everything you could to get out of there without hurting him." Elliot said. All of their training taught them to try to talk their way out of a situation, but the reality of it meant that sometimes it didn't work and they had to resort to deadly force. But all the training in the world didn't mean it was easy. "It must have been horrible."

"I tried talking to him. I thought I could get him to trust me." Fresh tears spilled over her lower lashes. "He wouldn't listen to me." She shook her head. "I tried."

"Shhh." Elliot said, taking her hands in his. "You did what you had to do."

"I'm going to be charged with murder." She said, as the realization dawned on her.

"It was self-defense." He hated that she'd had to kill him. He should have trusted his instincts. He should have done something before Steven Crenshaw had abducted her. This was all his fault. She was paying the price for his failure to protect her. "It should have been me. I should have…"

"Don't." Olivia said. She couldn't deal with his guilt right now. "There was nothing you could have done. I wasn't listening to you. I wasn't listening to myself. I wanted to believe…we're so tainted by our job. By our past." She shook her head and then lay back, feeling overwhelmed. "I just want to wake up and realize this was all a horrible nightmare." She closed her eyes.

Elliot leaned over and kissed her gently on the forehead. He wanted to know what had happened, what Steven had done to her, and what had happened that resulted in her lying on the bed covered in blood. But he knew she wasn't up to it, and that it would all come out when she gave her statement. "Get some rest."

"I want to go home." She whispered, opening her eyes. She pulled her hands from Elliot's and swiped at the tears on her cheeks. She knew she was where she needed to be, but right now, she just felt this need to escape.

"I know." Elliot said. He knew how she was feeling, but he also knew she would listen to the doctors.

Olivia closed her eyes again. "I'm so tired."

"Just go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Go home." She said quietly. "Take care of Elise."

"She's fine." As he said it, he realized he had no idea who was with her or where she was. Cragen had just said they would take care of it. He knew he would.

"I'll feel better if I know you're with her." She said. This was the third trip to the ER; Elise had been shuffled around so much and she hated it.

"I'm not leaving you." Elliot wondered if she was in shock. She had to know there was no way he was leaving her side.

"I want to be alone." Olivia said. She just wanted to sleep…to escape the mental images assaulting her. She could see Steven chasing her…she could see his eyes while he was choking her. She could hear the sound he made when she stabbed him in the neck.

"Liv."

"Just go." She said, pushing at his hands. "I want to sleep." She knew he was concerned about her. That he wouldn't want to leave her but she just felt this overwhelming need to escape…to be left alone. She didn't want to talk about it. She didn't want to think about it. She wanted to sleep. Be anywhere else except here.

Elliot decided she had been through enough. He didn't want to push her. He wasn't going to leave the hospital, but he'd leave the room and let her sleep. He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead again. "I love you." He cupped her cheek with his hand. He was about to leave but he stopped. "Liv." He said softly.

Olivia opened her eyes.

"We're having a boy." He said softly, giving her a small smile. The news had been a surprise and it was finally sinking in. He saw a small smile on her lips, and he smiled back, happy that he'd been able to take her mind off all of the horror she had been through today. "Dick will be happy."

Olivia nodded. "And you."

"You know I would have been just as happy with a girl."

"Yes, but now you get to say you were right." She smiled and it felt good. When the doctor was doing the ultrasound, he had accidentally told her it was a boy. She'd been so surprised because she'd been so convinced it was a girl. The doctor had apologized for letting it slip but she had brushed him off. With the horror of the past 10 hours, it had been good to hear something good.

"Well…"

Olivia shook her head. "El?" Olivia pulled her lip in between her teeth, trying to stave off another round of tears. "Thank you." She knew he'd been trying to distract her and she appreciated the effort. But the crazy look in Steven Crenshaw's eyes were still haunting her.

Elliot raised an eyebrow, wanting to ask her for what. But she closed her eyes and lay her head back on the pillow. He hesitated a second, wanting to ask if she had changed her mind. If he could stay. "I love you." He whispered again, so quietly he wasn't sure if she heard him. He turned and left, knowing sleep was probably her best ally right now.


	74. Chapter 74

Elliot walked out of Olivia's room and found Cragen talking to some people he didn't know. He saw Tucker hovering in the background. He wanted to stride over there and punch him in the face, but he was more interested in the men talking to Cragen. When he reached him, he didn't have to wait.

"Detective Stabler." One of the men said, sticking out his hand. "I'm Detective Stanton and this is my partner, Detective Schroeder. We're from the 2-0."

Elliot shook his hand half-heartedly. "What are you doing here?"

"They need to question Olivia." Cragen said.

"Tonight?" Elliot asked.

"The sooner the better." Stanton said. "The doctor said she's stable and could be questioned."

"Well, maybe it's not his call." Elliot said. "She's on bedrest so she doesn't go into labor. I don't want her to get stressed."

"We have to question her. A man is dead."

"It was self-defense." Elliot said quickly.

"So you say." Stanton said.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that a man is dead, and yet Ms. Benson doesn't have any injuries."

"She has bruises around her neck from him trying to choke her!"

Tucker stepped up. "You need to stay out of this." He said. "Which is precisely why I'm here. To make sure we hear her version of events, and not yours. You shouldn't have been in to see her before she was questioned."

"Fuck you." Elliot barked. He hated the insinuation that he would interfere with an investigation. He also hated the fact that the Detectives from the 2-0 were questioning Olivia's need to kill Crenshaw to save herself. He turned to the Detectives. "Olivia did what she had to do to save herself and our baby. Steven Crenshaw was a psychopath."

"That's for us to determine." Stanton looked over at Cragen. "We're going to question her now."

Elliot looked at Cragen. Cragen shook his head. "It's out of my hands." He said. "Olivia's a civilian, and Steven Crenshaw is dead. I have to let them conduct their investigation."

"It can't wait until morning?" Elliot asked. "I can bring her to the station."

Stanton shook his head. "I don't think so. Tucker has your statement and we took Tutuola's. We need to get Ms. Benson's."

"And you're staying here." Tucker said.

Cragen took a step towards Elliot and put his hand out when he saw Elliot take a step towards Tucker, his hands balled into a fist. "Elise is home with Kathleen. Why don't you go home and check on her, and I'll stay with Olivia while the Detectives question her?" He looked at Stanton. "I assume that's not going to be a problem?"

Stanton nodded. "As long as you don't interfere."

Elliot scrubbed his hand over his face, frustrated with the entire situation. Cragen has asked it as a question, but he heard it as a command.

"Detective." Cragen prompted, looking right at Elliot. "I think that's the best case scenario right now."

Elliot knew Cragen was right. If he stayed, he wasn't going to be allowed in the room with Olivia. If Cragen went in during questioning, he would be left out here with Tucker and that definitely wouldn't turn out well. He might very well end up in a cell, and that wouldn't do anyone any good. "Fine." He looked over at Stanton. "She needs to rest. Please try to keep it brief." He looked over at Tucker. "I'll be back shortly." He looked back towards the exam rooms, wishing he could warn Olivia, but knowing he couldn't. He headed towards the door, pulling out his phone so he could give Kathleen a call and tell her he was on his way.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia looked up, surprised to see Cragen walk into her room with two strangers. She knew she shouldn't be; she should have expected they'd want to question her.

"Where's Elliot?" she asked, suddenly feeling vulnerable and wanting him by her side.

"I sent him home. He said he'll be back."

Cragen introduced the two detectives. The one named Stanton thanked the Captain, and then asked him to leave. Cragen hesitated and Olivia knew he wanted to stay; to protect her.

"It's OK Captain." She said, trying to relieve him of his sense of responsibility.

"Do you want a lawyer?" he asked.

Olivia shook her head. "No."

Cragen hesitated. "If at any time, you want to stop…"

Olivia smiled at him. "I know." She said, putting up a hand.

Cragen nodded and gave her a small smile before he excused himself. "I'll be right outside."

"So Ms. Benson. Why don't you tell us everything that happened?" Stanton said, taking a small notepad out of his pocket.

EOEOEOEO

"Dad." Kathleen said, getting up quickly from the couch as Elliot walked into the apartment. "What's going on? Is Olivia OK?"

Elliot knew she was probably a little freaked out. There was yellow police tape out in the hallway and techs roaming in and out as they processed the crime scene. He pulled her into an embrace when she got close enough, and buried his face in her hair, placing a kiss on top of her head. "Liv's fine. The baby's fine."

"What happened? Sam didn't know anything and then Captain Cragen called me and asked if I could come over and he said he didn't know when you'd be back and…"

"Shhh." Elliot said, smoothing his hand down the back of her head. He released her then and motioned towards the couch. "Let me get something to drink and then I'll fill you in as best I can." He had no intention of telling her everything that happened; he didn't want to freak her out. But she deserved some kind of explanation.

Kathleen sat down as he grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator.

"Elise asleep?" he asked, settling himself down on the other end of the couch from her.

Kathleen nodded. "She was pretty worn out from her time with Sam, and I tried to get her to bed. But she was upset. She asked for Olivia…" Kathleen looked like she was going to apologize. "She was crying and she got pretty upset but I didn't know what to tell her so I told her she'd be back later and that I'd send her in to wake her up and give her a kiss."

Elliot nodded. "That's OK Kathleen. I appreciate it."

"Is Olivia coming home tonight?" she asked.

Elliot shook his head. "Tomorrow."

"Is she…was she…hurt?" Kathleen asked.

Elliot could hear the trepidation in her voice, almost like she didn't want to know.

"No, not really. Just some bruises. And s cut on her arm." He said. "She's going to be fine though. She really is. And the baby is good."

"So this strange man just took her?" Kathleen asked.

"He had been stalking her."

"And she didn't know it?"

Elliot knew Kathleen had always admired Olivia. "She didn't want to believe that he wanted to hurt her."

"She should have known better." Kathleen said.

"You know…in this line of work, we see all kinds of terrible things. We tend to see the worst in everyone. We become cynical. Suspicious. Liv just wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. He hadn't actually done anything suspicious." He couldn't believe he was defending Crenshaw, but he wanted to help Kathleen understand what Olivia had been thinking.

Kathleen shook her head. "I don't know. It's good to be suspicious."

"It's good to be cautious." Elliot said. He'd always taught his girls to be aware. Not to put themselves in risky situations. But he didn't want them to be afraid of every person on the street.

Kathleen shrugged. "Well, I'm glad she wasn't hurt. That's like, three times in the hospital in just the past few months. You should wrap her up in bubble wrap and lock her in the apartment."

Elliot appreciated the fact that she was trying to lighten the conversation. "Maybe I will." He smiled at her, and stretched out on the couch. "What are you watching?" he asked, looking at the TV.

"The Breakfast Club."

"Really? You know this movie?"

Kathleen rolled her eyes. "It's a classic Dad." She turned her attention back to the movie.

"Yeah." Elliot settled in slightly, trying to relax. "I'm just going to chill here a little bit and then head back to the hospital." He looked over at Kathleen. "I guess I didn't ask you, but can you stay? What time is your first class tomorrow?"

"I'm good Dad. My first class isn't until noon." She glanced back at him quickly.

"OK. Thanks honey." Elliot said. He closed his eyes. "I'm just going to rest my eyes for a few minutes." All of the adrenaline from today had taken everything out of him. He was wiped.

"OK. I'll wake you up if you fall asleep." She said. She looked back at him when he didn't answer, and realized he was already asleep.

EOEOEOEOEO

Stanton closed his notebook. "I think that's all the questions we have for now. I'm going to type up my notes and then tomorrow, you can come to the precinct and you can make a formal statement." He said. "We really appreciate your cooperation."

Olivia wanted to ask if she was going to be charged, but she knew that was up to the D.A. "I'll be in tomorrow." She said.

"If you think of anything you forgot…" Stanton started.

"There's nothing I forgot to tell you." Olivia said quickly.

"Well, sometimes victims are in shock. They forget things."

"I know." Olivia said. She didn't need these detectives telling her what she already knew. She saw Stanton look over at his partner and she took a calming breath. "I'm sorry. I'm tired. It's been a long day."

"I understand. But that's exactly my point." He said. He took a few steps closer and handed her his card. "Call me if you think of anything. Otherwise, I'll expect to see you tomorrow."

Olivia took his card and watched as they walked out. It was less than 30 seconds later when Cragen walked back into her room.

"Are you sure it was a good idea to talk to them without a lawyer?"

Olivia shrugged slightly. "I don't have anything to hide." She said. "He attacked me. I protected myself."

Cragen didn't say anything.

"You think I made a mistake?" she asked. She'd always respected his opinion, but she really didn't have any reason not to tell her story. Of course, perhaps her view was jaded. Maybe she wasn't thinking clearly.

"I think it'll be fine." Cragen said. "You were a respected NYPD Police officer. The shootings in your jacket were justified. No excessive force complaints." He said. "And Crenshaw had a record. I doubt the D.A. will prosecute."

Olivia leaned back against the pillows and closed her eyes. "I hope not. I don't want to go through that." Going through a trial would be excruciating, she couldn't believe she would be found guilty of anything except self-defense.

Cragen patted her arm. "Get some rest. I'll talk to the D.A. tomorrow."

Olivia opened her eyes and smiled at him. "Thank you." She whispered. "For everything." Don had played such a major role in her life for so long and she knew those two words weren't nearly enough to thank him for everything he'd done.

"You're my family Liv." He said, smiling at her. "Now get some sleep."

Olivia closed her eyes, hearing him close the door behind her. She wondered briefly when Elliot would be back, but before she could dwell on it, she felt sleep overtake her.

EOEOEOEO

The nurse was changing out her IV bag when she woke up.

"What time is it?" she asked groggily.

"About 3." The nurse said.

"Hmmm." She said, looking around the room. She was surprised that Elliot wasn't perched in the lounge chair.

"Looking for your husband?" she asked.

Olivia almost corrected her, and then decided it didn't matter. He would be her husband soon enough. "He said he was coming back."

"He left a message. I wrote it down." She snagged a piece of paper off the table next to her. She handed it to Olivia, and went back to taking her vitals.

Olivia opened the note and saw the nurses scrawl. "Home with El. Fell asleep. We'll be there in the morning." She looked up at the nurse. "When did he leave this message?" she asked.

"Just a few minutes ago." She said. She was typing information into the computer and then she turned to Olivia. "You need anything else?"

Olivia shook her head. She was glad Elliot was home with Elise. She'd meant it when she'd told him to go. He didn't need another night sleeping in an uncomfortable hospital chair. And she knew he was exhausted. She tried to move into a more comfortable position and curled her arms up, crushing the note against her chest. She closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia woke to her own screaming, and the nurse came rushing in the door.

"What's wrong?" the nurse asked. "Are you in pain?" She grabbed Olivia's wrist, trying to take her pulse.

Olivia pulled her arm from her hand, looking around the room wildly. The image of Steven Crenshaw charging at her was fresh in her mind, and although she knew it was a nightmare, she couldn't help but feel he was there in the room with her. She held up a hand, warding off the nurse. Her other hand went to her chest, trying to calm her racing heart. "I'm fine." She gasped out.

The nurse poured her a glass of water and handed it to her. "Are you sure?"

Olivia took the water and nodded. "It was just a nightmare." She could tell she had freaked the nurse out by the expression on her face. She must have screamed really loudly. "I'm fine."

The nurse hesitated and Olivia could tell she was uncertain about leaving her.

"I'm just going to go back to sleep." She said. "Don't worry." She closed her eyes to placate the nurse, but she knew there wouldn't be any more sleep tonight.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia was out of bed early in the morning; she hadn't been able to fall back asleep the rest of the night. She buzzed the nurse, and asked if she could scrounge up some clothes for her. Hers had been covered in Steven Crenshaw's blood and taken as evidence. She took a shower, swearing she could still see his blood on her skin, and stood under the hot water until the nurse grew concerned and came to check on her.

The nurse handed her a pair of scrub pants, and an XXL scrub shirt, but Olivia quickly realized she didn't have any underwear or a bra. She held up the scrubs and realized while she could maybe wear the pants and leave the drawstring loose beneath her belly, there was no way she was wearing the shirt without a bra. Her breasts were even larger with this baby, and the shirt would be tight over her breasts and bellies…she wasn't going to walk out of the hospital in that. Hopefully Elliot would bring her some clothes. She took the robe she'd been wearing earlier, and wrapped it around herself, waiting impatiently for them to get there.

She heard the door open and she poked her head out. She was disappointed when she was it was an orderly delivering breakfast. She looked at the clock on the wall and saw it was only 7AM. She knew Elliot probably wouldn't be there for a while. She sat in the chair and picked at her breakfast. She was exhausted, and eyed her bed, wondering if she could fall asleep and take a nap. She leaned back in the chair, deciding she was too tired to move, and closed her eyes.

 _Her eyes started into Crenshaw's eyes; his hands wrapped around her throat and she couldn't breathe._

Her eyes flew open.

"Mommy!"

Olivia let out a small scream and her hand flew to her mouth as she turned and saw Elise stop a few feet from her, confusion on her face. Elliot came up behind her quickly.

"I think we surprised Mommy." He said, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Looks like she was sleeping."

His eyes met hers and Olivia could see the concern there. She nodded, trying to shake the image from her head. "Yes. I was sleeping." She said. She looked around the room; the dream had been so vivid. Her eyes landed on Elise, who was still standing next to Elliot, unmoved.

Olivia pushed the small table away and held out her arms. "Come here."

Elise looked up at Elliot and when she got a nod from him, she came forward. "Daddy said I can't jump on you cuz you're in the hosp'tal."

Olivia patted a spot on the chair next to her. "You can sit here."

Elise scrambled up next to her and Olivia wrapped her arm around her. She leaned over and placed a kiss on top of her head. "I missed you."

"I missed you too Mommy." Elise said, leaning back and looking up at her mother. "I wanted you to read me a story last night."

"I'm sorry I wasn't there." She said.

"It's 'kay." She said. "You can read me a story tonight."

Olivia looked at Elliot, and saw he had a bag in his hand. She was hoping I was clothes. She watched as he dropped the bag on the bed and then turned to look at the plate on the table.

"You didn't eat." He said.

"I ate a little."

Elliot raised an eyebrow, not pushing the subject. He noticed the dark circles under her eyes. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Yes." She said. She turned to Elise. "Did you have fun with Sam?" Elise started telling her everything she did, and Olivia turned back to Elliot. Elise didn't even notice as she prattled on.

"I have to report to the precinct this morning." She said.

"Did you talk to them last night?" he asked.

Olivia nodded.

"They wouldn't let me be here." He said. "I decided to check on Elise and I fell asleep…when I work up…" he scrubbed his hand over his head. "I should have come back." He could tell she hadn't slept and he wondered if she would have slept better if he'd been here. "I'm sorry."

Olivia shook her head. "Don't be. I wanted you to go home."

Elise had stopped talking and was looking up at Olivia. "You weren't even list'ning to me Mommy."

"I was." She said. She repeated back a few things Elise had said and that seemed to mollify her. Elise hopped off the chair. "Let's get out of this stinky hosp'tal." She said, dragging Olivia's bag of clothes off the bed.

"I agree." Olivia said, pushing herself off the chair. "Let's go."

 _AN: Sorry things are moving along slowly. I'll try to pick things up from here!_


	75. Chapter 75

Elliot and Olivia dropped Elise at school and then he drove her to the 20th precinct. He had barely put the car in park before Olivia was opening the door to get out.

"Hold on." Elliot said, turning off the car.

Olivia ducked down, looking at him as she rested one hand on the open doorframe. "Just go to work. They're not going to let you in the room with me."

Elliot got out of the car and Olivia stood up, looking over the top of the car at him.

"I still want to be there." He said, scowling at her. "I know I can't be in the room with you, but I'll take you home. Or we can grab some lunch and then go home. You need to rest."

Olivia shook her head. "I don't want to rest." She ran a hand through her hair. "I just want things to go back to normal. Besides, you've missed enough work. It's not fair to Fin or Munch." She was avoiding his eyes, looking anywhere but at him. She wasn't going to be dissuaded.

"No one expects me back at the precinct Liv." Elliot said, and he knew his frustration was evident in his tone. He was trying to be patient, but she was being ridiculous right now. "I want to get you home as soon as possible. The doctor said you need your rest."

Olivia did look at him then. "How in the hell do you know what the doctor said? Were you there?" Her tone was heated. "No." she said, shaking her head. "You weren't." She slammed the car door shut. "I'm going to give my statement, then I'm going to go home and change and then I'm going to work." She stepped away from the car and started walking towards the precinct.

Elliot slammed his car door, cursing her stubborn nature under his breath. He came around the car quickly, trying to catch up with her. "Liv." He snagged her arm, forcing her to stop. "You're not going to work."

Olivia turned and looked at him, furrowing her brow in disbelief. "Did you just tell me that I'm not going to work?" she asked. "Was that an order?"

Elliot loosened his grip on her arm. "Olivia." He said.

Olivia bristled. His tone…the way he said her name...it all implied that she should be reasonable. She'd heard it many times before. "There is nothing wrong with me Elliot. I have a few bruises and one minor cut. There is no reason I can't go back to work." She pulled her arm from his grasp completely. "People are relying on me and I keep letting them down." She saw his eyes glance down to the baby and then back up again. "The baby is fine. I'm fine."

"But…" Elliot knew that physically, she probably had a clean bill of health, but he was worried about her mental state. "You just went through a traumatic event…"

Olivia just stared at him and Elliot stopped talking. "You think I don't know that?" she asked, her mouth hanging slightly open.

"That's not what I meant. I just meant…well, you don't know how it's going to affect you. You should talk to someone." He finished.

Olivia shook her head. "I'm not carrying a gun around anymore. I'm not chasing down suspects. I don't need a psych eval to return to work. Or to my life." She snapped back. "The best thing for me right now is to give my statement, put this behind me and get back to work."

Elliot wanted to argue with her some more, but their voices were getting louder and they were starting to draw attention. He knew this was her modus operandi; whenever things got overwhelming or hard to handle, she just threw herself into her work more. Ignored it. Ignored its effect on her.

He noticed she had put her hands on her hips, as if daring him to challenge her again. He wished he could simply pick her up and throw her back in the car and take her home. He knew that wasn't an option, so he was trying to choose his words carefully. But before he could say anything, she dropped her hands from her waist.

"Go to work Elliot." She said. She started towards the precinct doors again.

"Liv." Elliot said, wishing there was some way he could get through to her, but knowing there wasn't any point in arguing any more. She had obviously made up her mind. He would have to try to talk to her later. "Wait."

Olivia surprised herself when she stopped. But Elliot's tone wasn't as harsh and commanding. His request for her to wait was almost a plea. She turned and waited while he closed the gap between them. He pulled a key off his ring.

"You don't have your purse or your keys." He said quietly. He handed her a key to their apartment. Then he pulled some cash out of his pocket and gave her $60. "For lunch and cab fare." He cupped her cheek and leaned forward, placing a quick kiss on her forehead. "Love you." He said. Then he turned and walked away.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot tried to get out of the squad room as quickly as possible, but he still didn't get home until after 630. He had to use the intercom, because he had given Olivia his key. He was surprised when he heard Sam's voice at the intercom, asking who was there. He rushed upstairs after she buzzed him in, anxious to determine if she had heard from Olivia.

Sam and Elise met him at the door and Elise wrapped herself around his legs. Elliot walked in, dragging her along with him. "Have you heard from Olivia?"

Sam shook her head.

Elliot had purposefully not called her all day. He was trying not to hover. But he had assumed she would be home by now, and if she was going to be late, that she would have called Sam and told her so.

He tried not to panic. He knew it was irrational to worry that something had happened to her. The chances were infinitesimal. However, it didn't stop him from pulling his phone out of his pocket and dialing her number. She surprised him by answering after the second ring.

"Hey." Elliot said, not wanting to say anything else or she would hear the concern and annoyance in his voice.

"I'm on my way." She said, anticipating his question.

"Do you want me to pick you up?"

"No, I'm in a cab. I'll be home in about ten minutes, depending on traffic."

"You sound tired." Elliot said.

"I'll be home soon." Olivia said, and hung up the phone.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot gave Sam cab fare and apologized that they were late once again. He knew that it had been chaotic during her first two days. Someone had been murdered next door on Day 1 and now neither parent shows up or calls on Day 2. An improvement over Day 1 for sure, but still a strain on her. Elise loved spending time with her and he knew now they needed Sam more than ever.

"I know these haven't been the best couple of days…" he started as Sam headed for the door.

She turned and smiled. "It's OK Mr. Stabler. It can only go up from here." She squatted down and gave Elise a hug and then opened the door. She stopped short when she saw Olivia standing there. "Hi Ms. Benson." She said.

Elliot strode over to the door and saw Olivia standing in the hallway outside their door, looking at Crenshaw's boarded up doorway covered with police tape. It appeared to him that she hadn't even heard Sam. Sam looked back at Elliot and then slipped out behind her, heading down the hall.

"Olivia?" Elliot asked, watching as she continued to stare. He started to take another step towards her when Elise made a beeline for her mother.

"Mommy!" Elise said and Elliot saw Olivia jump. Elliot snagged her around the waist before she got past him and she struggled in his arms, eager to reach her mother.

"Liv?" Elliot said as she turned to look at them. "You OK?"

She nodded slightly and headed towards he and Elise. But she passed by them and seemed not to even notice as Elise tried to snag her arm as she brushed past them.

Elliot wrapped his arms around Elise's legs and whispered in her ear. "Please calm down. Mommy's not feeling well, so I need you to settle down and let her be for a minute."

Elise ceased her struggle and Elliot set her down, still holding her hand. She looked up at him and he saw the look of sadness on her face. "I wanted Mommy to read me a story." She said.

"I'll read you a story."

"It's OK." She said, dropping her head. "You take care of Mommy." She said. She dropped his hand and walked into the apartment.

Elliot felt bad for her. He knew all of this had to be terribly confusing for her and that there had been a lot of ups and downs in her life since they'd moved to New York. He wished he could do something for her…but his first priority right now was Olivia. He knew Elise was resilient and he would read her a story and tuck her into bed in a little bit.

He followed Elise into the apartment and watched as she crawled up on the couch with a book and her Ariel doll. He looked around and saw no sign of Olivia. Then he heard water running and he shut the door behind him and headed for the bedroom. He saw the door to the bathroom was closed and he knocked lightly. "Liv?"

She didn't answer so he knocked again. She still didn't answer.

"I'm coming in." He went to turn the knob, and found the door was locked. He stood for a second, unsure of what to do. They never locked the bathroom door. Ever. He knocked again, trying not to get panicked. "Liv?"

The door flew open and he saw the anger on her face. "What?" she spat out.

"What are you doing?"

Olivia rolled her eyes, adjusting the ill-fitting towel around her body. "Seriously?" She knew she was being a bitch, but it was pretty damn obvious she was taking a shower. She just wanted a few minutes of peace and quiet, and Elliot's hovering was going to drive her crazy.

"You just…you locked the door." He said, leaning against the frame.

"I wanted some privacy."

Elliot nodded. "OK." He hesitated a second, and realized she wasn't going to say anything else. "OK." He said again noting her impatience with him. "I'll make you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry." Olivia said, grabbing the door and starting to close it.

"Liv." Elliot said, putting his hand out to stop it. He wanted to ask her when she ate last but he decided to give her a little space. He looked into her eyes, but she looked away from him. He took his hand off the door and it was only a few seconds later that she pushed it closed. He heard the lock click into place. He still had his hands against the doorframe and his head dropped down and hung there, thinking about her odd behavior.

"Daddy?"

Elliot turned and saw Elise standing in the doorway, her Ariel doll dangling from one hand and a book in the other. "I'm hungry."

He let out a sigh. "OK baby." He left the room, scooping Elise up in his arms and heading towards the kitchen.

He made a grilled cheese sandwich for Elise and sat down with her at the table. She was sitting next to him, but then she crawled over on his lap. She dragged her plate back in front of her, and Elliot kissed the top of her head. When she was done with her sandwich, he grabbed the book she'd had in her hand and read it to her.

"Again. Again." She said, and Elliot ended up reading it to her three more times. He watched for Olivia to emerge out of the corner of his eye, but she never came out of the bedroom. "Daddy, can we watch Ariel?" she asked.

Elliot looked at the time, and they were only a half an hour from a bath and story time and bedtime, but he was going to let it slide. "Sure." He stood up and tickled her as they moved over to the couch. He dropped her with great ceremony, much to her glee and the sound of her laughter filled the room and made him smile. He popped in the DVD and got the movie started, and Elise held out her arms for Elliot to join her. "I'm just going to see if Mommy wants to watch it with us." He said. "I'll be right back."

Elliot walked down the hallway, and saw the bedroom door was half-closed. He pushed it open slightly and saw Olivia curled up on her side, her back to the door. He walked into the room, trying to be as quiet as he could.

"Liv?" he whispered, not wanting to wake her if she was really asleep. She didn't move and he stopped where he was. He knew she hadn't slept much the night before, so although he was upset that she hadn't even come out and said good-night to him, or more importantly, Elise, he couldn't begrudge her an early bedtime.

He left without another word and went back to watching the movie with Elise.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia heard Elliot walk into the bedroom, and she wanted to say something to him, but something stopped her. She heard him leave and her heart sunk slightly. She wanted him to climb into bed and wrap his arms around her and make her feel safe, but for some reason, she couldn't find it in herself to reach out to him. She could only push him away.

She closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep, just wanting to escape from the thoughts and images bombarding her. She wrapped her arms around her belly and she felt the tears coming. She cried silently, tears streaming down her face and her chest heaving slightly from trying to keep the sobs inside.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot had put Elise to bed and checked on Olivia again. She had been curled in the same position, and her breathing was slow. She had her hands wrapped around her belly. He debated crawling in bed beside her, but he didn't want to wake her. He went back to the living room, grabbed a blanket and stretched out on the couch. It didn't take long before he was sound asleep.

He was startled awake by screaming and it took him a minute to figure out where he was and what was going on. When he realized it was Olivia, he leapt up and rushed to the bedroom. She was sitting on the bed, clutching at the blankets and she screamed again when he ran into the room.

He stopped cold and put up his hands. "Liv! It's me. Elliot."

He reached behind him and flipped on the light, sending a low light throughout the room. He could see Olivia's chest heaving as she looked around the room. Her eyes finally settled on him.

When she seemed to recognize him, and where she was, he started moving towards the bed. "It's OK. It was just a bad dream." He said, holding out his hands. He could hear Elise wailing in the background, but he was focused on Olivia, his eyes never leaving hers. "Just a dream Olivia."

Her eyes left his when Elise let out another wail. "Elise." She said, seeming to recognize her daughter was in distress.

Olivia looked past Elliot, realizing her screams must have woken her daughter. She could hear her crying now and yelling for her, and she climbed out of bed. Her legs felt shaky and she reached for the edge of the nightstand to steady herself.

"I'll get her." Elliot said, realizing how unsteady Olivia was.

Olivia shook her head. "I'll go." She whispered. She knew she wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. She didn't think she'd ever want to sleep again…the images of Steven Crenshaw's eyes wouldn't leave her…whether she was sleeping or awake.

She made her way down the hall and climbed into Elise's bed, wrapping her arms around her and pulling her into her embrace. "Shhh. Sweetheart. It's OK." She rocked her gently, stroking her hair as she tried to quiet her. Elise finally quieted down and a few minutes later, Olivia could feel her breathing even out. She lowered her back down on the bed and then curled up next to her, continuing to rub her back.

Olivia heard Elliot's footsteps in the hallway, and she closed her eyes. She knew he'd want to talk to her; ask her about what had made her wake up screaming in the middle of the night. She didn't want to talk about it, and she didn't want to tell him. She could handle it; she didn't need to drag him into her nightmare. She'd take care of it, just like she'd taken care of Steven Crenshaw. She felt an involuntary shudder run through her body and she hoped Elliot wouldn't notice. She could hear him stop in the doorway and she didn't move, keeping her back to him. He didn't stand there very long before she heard him leave.

Elliot walked back into their bedroom and climbed into bed. He had wanted to talk to Olivia, but it was very clear she didn't want to talk to him about what was on her mind; or what was in her dreams. He'd let her get away with pushing him away today, but she couldn't hold everything inside. It wasn't good for her. It wasn't good for the baby. She needed to talk to someone. He didn't care of it was him or not.

Olivia dealt with victims of traumatic events every day; and he knew she told every single one of them to get help. To talk to someone. He just hoped he could convince her to listen to her own advice.


	76. Chapter 76

Elliot woke up when he heard the shower running. He reached over to her spot on the bed, and felt the cold sheets. It was obvious that she hadn't come to bed at any point during the night. He wondered if she'd slept with Elise, or if she'd slept at all.

He looked at the clock and saw it was only 5AM. No wonder he'd still been sleeping. He climbed out of bed and grabbed a pair of sweats out of the closet. He slipped them on, and then pulled a t-shirt over his head. He considered checking the door to see if it was locked…but decided he didn't want to startle her. And if it was locked, he didn't want to know. He walked out into the kitchen and started the kettle so he could heat some water and make her tea.

The shower was still running ten minutes later, and he carried a mug of tea back into the bedroom, wondering what the hell she was doing in there. He sat down on the edge of the door, realizing he had no choice but to wait until she came out.

He waited another five minutes before he heard the shower turn off. It was another five minutes before she emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her body.

"Hey." He said softly, trying not to startle her. She jumped slightly, and he felt bad that he had scared her. He stood up quickly and she took a step back.

The light from the bathroom spilled over her and Elliot could see the skin on her arms. It looked red and angry, and he realized she must have been scrubbing herself raw in the shower. "What happened?" he asked, lifting a hand to reach for her arm.

She flinched away from him, and took another half step back. "Nothing." She said. "The water was hot." She was angry and she pushed past him.

Elliot spun around as she headed for the closet. "That's more than hot water. It looks like you were trying to scrub your skin off."

She grabbed a pair of pants and a long sweater from the closet and walked over to the bed, laying them there. She went to her dresser and poked around, pulling out underwear, a bra and a tank top. She walked back over the bed with the new items in her hand, and looked up at him. "I need to get dressed."

Elliot furrowed his brow. Was she honestly asking him to leave so she could get dressed? "Where do you think you're going? It's 5 in the morning."

"Work."

Elliot shook his head. "Olivia, we need to talk."

"I don't want to talk."

Elliot bit his lip. They'd already had this conversation yesterday, but he was determined not to let her shut him out. She was standing there with her clothes in her hands, just staring at him. "I'm not letting you leave here until we talk."

He saw her glance towards the door and then back at him, and he wondered what was going through her mind right now. He was standing between her and freedom, and he wondered how far he'd go to keep her here. He knew she was struggling with what had happened with Crenshaw; he didn't want to have to physically keep her from walking out the door. He could see the expression on her face, and he realized she was nervous about what he was going to do too.

"Liv." He said, putting his hands up in a defensive gesture. "I just want you to tell me what's going on. I just want to help."

"There's nothing going on. I'm just going to work early. I have a lot to catch up on."

"I don't understand why you won't talk to me? You're avoiding me. You're avoiding Elise. You're not sleeping. You're not eating."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "You're being dramatic. I was just released from the hospital yesterday morning."

"Exactly my point. You never should have gone to work yesterday. You should have been home, letting me take care of you."

"How many times do I have to tell you that there's nothing wrong with me?"

"I know there's nothing wrong with you _physically_ , but what happened has to have affected you."

Olivia gave him an exasperated look. "I saw stuff like that every day when I worked SVU. Things that were a 100 times worse."

"Yes. But those things didn't happen to _you_." Elliot said. "This did."

Olivia didn't say anything. She simply stood and stared at him. He could see a glassy sheen in her eyes, and he knew she was trying not to cry.

"You had to be scared out of your mind. Not knowing what he was going to do. Worrying about the baby." Elliot said softly, taking a small step forward.

Olivia closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to block out the mental images of what happened in Crenshaw's apartment. "I didn't know." She said in a strained whisper. "He was talking to him one minute and then he was yelling and screaming…"

Elliot wanted to say something, but he didn't want to interrupt her. He hadn't read her statement or been there when she'd told the police exactly what happened. He only had bits and pieces of the story. He saw a tear stream down her cheek, and he worried for a minute about making her relive this.

"He tied me up. He had a knife. He climbed on the bed." A sob escaped her throat. "I thought…I thought…" She opened her eyes and sat down hard on the bed, her tears flowing freely. She looked up at Elliot. "I didn't know if he was going to rape me. Or kill me. Or hurt the baby. Or hurt you." She thought about all the crazy things Crenshaw had said; about how he'd been all over the place. "I tried…" She started sobbing then, big heart-wrenching sobs that wracked her body. "I tried to talk to him…to get him to trust me…"

"I know you did everything you could." Elliot said.

"I should have known. I should have listened to you." She was still sobbing and the words were coming out in gasps. "That's all I could think about while I was lying there. If I would have listened to you, I wouldn't be here. I kept thinking that he's going to kill me or hurt the baby and…" she took a big gasp of air. "that Elise is going to grow up without a mother."

She was making no move to wipe the tears that were pouring down her cheeks, and Elliot could see that her nose was running now too. All the emotion that she'd held in the past few days was coming out.

"He was leaning over me and I looked into his eyes and I could see he was crazy. When he wrapped his hands around my throat." She let out another huge sob, her voice cracking. "I knew I was going to die. And I thought…I'm sorry Elliot." She looked up at him then. "I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

'I wouldn't listen. I didn't listen and I put our lives in jeopardy." She rested her hands on her belly, and focused her eyes there. "You must hate me.'

'God Olivia. I could never hate you." He took another step and sat down on the bed next to her, leaving a sizeable gap between them. He lay his hand out on the bed between them and she looked over at him. She didn't say a word, and she had stopped crying, but he could see the question in her eyes.

"But you'll never trust me again." She shook her head. "I was so stupid."

"Do you think I'm telling you to stay home and rest…asking you to let me take care of you…because I don't think you can take care of yourself?" he stared at her, finally piecing together her feelings and the self-recrimination she'd be going through. He didn't wait for an answer. "Liv…you're the bravest person I know. I've told you that. You didn't wait for someone to come and rescue you. You did everything you could to try to resolve the situation, but at the end of the day, you did what you had to do. To save yourself. To protect the baby. _You_ did that. No one else.'

"But if I had listened to you, I wouldn't have been there in the first place." She whispered.

Elliot shook his head. "You wanted to believe the best about him when all I see is the worst in people. It's what makes you who you are." He waited a beat, seeing the doubt in her eyes. "Olivia." He whispered. "You can't possibly believe I'm upset with you for what happened."

He saw tears well up in her eyes. "I'm upset with myself." She said. "I was so stupid."

"You can't dwell on that. There's no changing it now." He leaned over and tried to capture her eyes. When he had succeeded, he continued. "Things happen in life and it's no one's fault. I'm not upset with you about what happened. Please believe me. I'm just so damned glad you're here with me right now, because it could have been so much worse. When I told you that I wanted to take care of you, it's because I want you to know that you're not alone. I know that for a long time, you didn't have anyone to rely on but yourself. But you're not you anymore. You're one part of us. For better or for worse. When you're in pain, I'm in pain. You can lean on me. That's what we do. For each other." He saw she was still staring at him and he hoped his words were seeping in. "Do you believe what I'm telling you?"

She didn't move and then her eyes drifted down to his hand that was lying on the bed between them. Slowly, she removed her left hand from her stomach and lay it on top of his open palm. He wrapped his fingers around her hand lightly.

"I believe you." She said quietly. She kept her eyes focused on their hands.

"Do you really believe me? Or are you telling me what you think I want to hear?"

Her eyes moved back to his and he waited. "I hear what you're saying Elliot. I really do. I believe that you believe in me. I think it's just going to take a while for me to believe in myself again."

"Liv." Elliot said, squeezing her hand gently. "No one expects you to just put this behind you and move on."

"But I want to." She interrupted.

"But you can't. You know that." He pressed his lips together and took a deep breath. "I want you to see someone. Someone you can talk to."

"I can't talk to you?' she asked.

"You know what I'm saying." Elliot said. "I can ask Huang for a recommendation."

Olivia shook her head. "No."

"Liv." Elliot said, and he could hear the frustration in his own voice.

"No, I mean. I'll talk to someone. But I know some good people."

"Yeah?" Elliot brightened slightly. He hadn't expected her to agree.

"Yeah." Olivia gave him a small smile. She pulled her hand from his and stood up.

Elliot stood up a few seconds after her, disappointed that the conversation was over, but happy with the result. He wasn't going to push his luck. He was surprised, when a few seconds later, Olivia was closing the gap between them. She looped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest. He wasted no time in wrapping his arms around her, and he buried his face in her hair.

"I love you." She mumbled against him.

"Always."

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot was sitting at the table, playing cards with Elise. He kept eyeing the door, impatient for Olivia to come back from her counseling session. It was the third one this week already, and while he hadn't asked her about any of her sessions, he thought it was a good sign that she was continuing to go. She must feel like they were helping.

He noticed small changes in her behavior that made him feel better. She seemed to be eating and sleeping more normally as the week went on. But there were still other things that reminded him there would was a long road ahead of them. He watched her eye people when they were on the street, she jumped if people came up behind them, and she had developed a minor case of claustrophobia. He noticed it when they had to take the elevator to their apartment; she tensed when anyone else crowded in, and when the door closed. But with her expanding belly, hiking up all of the stairs wasn't really an option. There were other small things as well, but he knew she was trying and the only thing he wanted to do was support her.

"Daddy, do you have any fives?" Elise asked.

"You stinker." Elliot said. "I do."

Elise giggled like she'd just won the jackpot, and proudly lay down her match, ending the game. Elliot furrowed his brow, because he didn't remember the game being this close to the end. He was about to call her out on it; even at this age, he wasn't going to let her get away cheating. But he heard a key in the door and Elise was out of her chair and running for the door.

Elliot watched as Olivia came in the door and quickly closed it behind her, leaning against the door. Her face was flushed and she was out of breath and he jumped out of his chair and rushed over to her, taking her bag off her arm.

"Are you OK?" he asked.

"I'm fine." She said, as Elise clamored for her attention.

Elliot pressed his lips together. "I should have driven you."

Olivia shook her head. "It's nothing."

"Did you walk up the stairs?"

Olivia looked down at Elise and grasped her little hands in hers. "What were you and Daddy doing?" she asked, looking down at her daughter.

Elliot knew she was avoiding his question, but he let it go. "She just beat my butt in Go Fish." He scooped Elise up into his arms. "We have to learn a new game." He said, tickling her. She giggled and squirmed in his arms as they walked into the apartment. He dropped her down on the couch and Elise buried her face in the couch.

"Don't tickle me Daddy." She screeched, clearly egging him on to tickle her more.

Elliot came around the couch, threatening to tickle her again and she was squealing that high pitched squeal only little girls know. Elliot heard Olivia laugh, and he looked up, surprised to hear it. He realized that he hadn't heard her laugh in weeks, and it warmed him to see the smile on her face. He tickled Elise for a few seconds until she was laughing uncontrollably and kicking at him with her feet.

He sat down on the couch next to her, capturing her legs with his hands. Elise twisted in his grasp and almost did a header off the couch. Elliot grabbed her before her head hit the coffee table and he heard Olivia gasp behind him.

"I got her." He said, pulling Elise back onto his lap. "She's fine." Elise stood up on Elliot's legs, with Elliot's hands on her waist to balance her.

"I'm fine Mommy!" Elise said with a big grin on her face.

Olivia nodded and let out a breath. "I see that." She said. She leaned over and cupped Elise's face with her hands and gave her a big kiss. Elise's stomach was right by Elliot's face, and he lifted up her shirt and blew on her belly, making a big raspberry sound. Elise collapsed back down on Elliot's lap in another fit of giggles.

Olivia laughed again, and realized it felt good. She felt the baby kick her then, and she placed a hand over the spot. "Elise." she said in a rush. "Come here."

Elise popped up and looked at her mother. "What?"

"Do you want to feel the baby?"

Elise had a puzzled look on her face, but Olivia walked around the back of the couch. She stood in front of Elliot, and took Elise's hand in hers. She placed it flat on her belly. "Just wait a second." A few seconds passed and Olivia felt the baby kick again. Elise jumped, pulling her hand back quickly.

"What is that?" she asked.

"The baby is kicking." Olivia said.

"Why is the baby kicking you?" she asked, shaking her head. "That's not nice."

"The baby is just moving around. He really isn't kicking me. It doesn't hurt." Olivia realized she had just used the pronoun he for the first time and she looked up at Elliot. She saw a smile on his face, and she realized that with all that had been going on, they really hadn't talked about the fact that they were having a son. She looked at Elliot with a question on her face and he nodded.

"El. Guess what?"

"What?" Elise asked, tentatively placing her hand back on her mother's stomach. She looked like she was ready to pull it back immediately if the baby moved again.

Olivia reached down and placed a couple of fingers under her chin, tipping her little face up to look at her. "You're going to have a baby brother."

Elise screwed up her face. "A brother?" she asked. "Like a boy?"

Olivia laughed. "Yes, like a boy." She could see Elise was thinking about it and she wondered what she was going to say next.

"So…then I won't have to share my toys."

Olivia cocked her head slightly, giving Elise a disapproving look. "You _will_ have to share your toys." She glanced back at Elliot, shaking her head slightly. She knew Elise was spoiled, and that it probably wouldn't be an issue in the end, but she didn't like the fact that it was her first thought. "Let's not think about things like that please." She said. "You don't have anything else to say about having a brother?"

Elise screwed up her mouth, obviously still focused on having to share. She must have decided not to push it. "What are you gonna call him?" She asked.

"I don't know. We haven't decided yet."

"Can I pick what we call him?" she asked.

Olivia was curious about what she'd come up with. "You don't get to pick it but you can come up with some names and we can put them on the list with ours."

"My friend Abby has a brother and his name is Goober."

Olivia laughed despite how ridiculous that was. "I'm sure that's not his name." she said.

"It is!" Elise insisted.

Olivia pressed her lips together, still smiling. She wasn't about to get into a discussion about nicknames. "Do you want to name your brother Goober?"

Elise thought about it and then shook her head. "No. How about Eric?"

"Let me guess." Elliot said. "Prince Eric?"

Elise nodded fervently. "Then we can play Little Mermaid together." She touched Olivia's stomach again. "When is he gonna come out?" She asked, looking up at her mother.

"Hopefully not for a long time." Elliot said, placing his hand over Elise's.

Elise pulled her hand out from under Elliot's. She looked up at Elliot. "Can I play now?"

Elliot smiled. She had obviously become bored of the subject. "Sure." He watched as Elise ran off to her room.

He grabbed Olivia's hand and tugged her towards him. "Sit with me."

Olivia turned and slowly lowered herself down, bracing herself with a hand on Elliot's arm. Once she was sitting, he wrapped his left arm around her shoulders and she lay her head back.

"So I guess she's not super-excited about a brother." Olivia said.

"I don't think she really cares." Elliot said. "One way or the other, it's going to be fine."

"I know." Olivia said.

"Have you thought about names?" he asked.

"Not really. Remember, I thought it was going to be a girl. I was focused on girl's names." Olivia rubbed her belly with her right hand. "Have you?"

"Not really."

"We have time." She said.

"Yeah." He said.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts.

Elliot debated his next question, but decided to ask anyway. "How are your sessions going?" He didn't know if she would answer him, but he wouldn't push her.

"Apparently I have a lot of unresolved issues from my childhood." She said, rolling her head to the side to look at him. "Who knew?" She smiled broadly.

Elliot laughed. "Don't we all." He smiled back. He didn't know if she was really talking to her counselor about the neglect and emotional abuse she suffered as a child, but it wouldn't surprise him. He knew she'd never really talked to anyone about that time in her life, and that it defined a large part of who she was. He squeezed her shoulder. "I'm glad you're talking to someone."

"I was skeptical. It's hard for me." She said, rolling her head back and looking straight ahead. "But I like her. It's been good. Better than I expected."

"Good." Elliot said.

They were quiet for another few minutes when Olivia spoke again.

"El?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we…" She let out a sigh. "Can we go away next weekend? Just you and me?" she asked. "I just want to get away..." she stopped abruptly. She wasn't sure how to explain this need to escape. She just needed a few days away from everyone and everything. She wanted to go someplace quiet. She wanted to lay down next to Elliot and feel his arms wrapped around her. She wanted to turn her mind off. Stop thinking about Steven Crenshaw. Manning. All the perverts she'd had to deal with in her life.

"Sure." Elliot said. He reached up and grasped her chin lightly, turning her face towards him. "Anything you want."

"I feel bad leaving Elise again…"

"Don't." Elliot said. "She'll be in heaven, having one of her sisters here."

"I just need a few days."

"Liv. Don't feel guilty about taking some time for yourself. You have every right." He squeezed her arm again. "Our lives are going to get crazy. I wish I would have thought of it." He pulled her into his side. "I might even throw in a prenatal massage."

"That sounds heavenly." She said, moaning lightly.

Elliot laughed. "That's all it's going to take?" he teased. As soon as he said it, he regretted it. He didn't want her to think he was thinking about sex. It hadn't come up; he hadn't even kissed her since the incident and he didn't want to push her.

"It's been long enough. So maybe." She teased back.

Elliot relaxed. "Whatever works for you." He laughed. Suddenly, he was really looking forward to the next weekend; he was determined to make it a wonderful.

AN: Sorry for the delay. Again. I appreciate your patience and your reviews. Thanks!


	77. Chapter 77

AN: Hi readers. First a delay in updating and then two chapters in one day. I was on a roll. I'm going to be tied up for a few days, so I thought I'd publish both instead of making you wait. I can't believe the outpouring of support for this story. It's amazing and I'm really still quite surprised by it. But thank you! Thanks for all of your reviews! They make my day.

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Elliot had talked to Cragen about taking Friday off, apologizing for taking more time off. He also talked to Munch and Fin, and thanked them over and over again for their understanding. He knew he hadn't been pulling his weight, but they were more than willing to put in the extra time because they knew it was to benefit Olivia. Elliot made a mental note to make sure that he and Olivia did something nice for them when they got back; they always had a working relationship with Elliot, but they loved Olivia. They always had her back.

He'd gotten Maureen to agree to some stay with Elise with one caveat; she wanted to bring Sam along. He'd finally relented, knowing that they were practically engaged. He suspected they were probably living together, so he knew they wouldn't be distracted by the fact that they had an apartment to themselves. It was also a good opportunity for Elise and Maureen to get to know each other a little better.

Elliot hadn't told Olivia where they were going; he wanted to surprise her. He'd asked around for ideas, and was surprised to learn one of his Marine buddies had a family cabin in the Catskills. It was a 2 to 3- hour drive, and it was probably cold up there in mid-November. But he could envision them snuggled up in front of a fireplace, shutting out the world. It sounded wonderful.

He could hear Olivia reading Elise a story in her bedroom, getting a few minutes alone with her before they took off. He was packing up a small cooler with some water and a few snacks for the ride when he heard the buzzer. He walked over and buzzed her in after hearing her voice on the other end. He walked over and unlocked the door, leaving it open a crack so she could let herself in when she made it to the door. He walked back into the apartment and down the hallway, poking his head into Elise's room.

"Mo is here." He said.

Elise jumped up, standing on the bed.

Olivia grabbed her arms gently. "Hold on." She said, smiling at her daughter. "Give me a kiss and a hug." She knew once Elise saw Maureen, it would be hard to get her attention.

Elise threw her arms around Olivia's neck, flattening her body against her mother's and burying her face in her neck. "I love you Mama." She said sweetly. Despite her obvious excitement to see Maureen, she made no move to pull away, lifting her head and placing a kiss on Olivia's cheek.

Olivia almost felt herself tearing up; she guessed her hormones were working overtime. She buried her face in Elise's hair. "I love you too baby." She gave her little body a squeeze, and then released her. She saw Elise look up at her, and she was struck by how much her little girl was growing up. And she realized that for as smart and sassy as she was, she was also empathetic…tuned in to what her mother needed at that moment. "You're amazing." She said, smiling at her.

Elise slid down to the floor. "You too Mommy." She said. Then she turned and ran out of the room, yelling Maureen's name at the top of her lungs.

Olivia looked up and saw Elliot was still standing there. She swiped at her eyes before any tears escaped.

"You OK?" he asked, leaning against the doorframe.

"She's growing up."

Elliot nodded. "They do that."

"I know. I'm just surprised by it sometimes." She shook her head slightly. "She's so…"

"She's you. A miniature you."

Olivia smiled and she stood up, ignoring his comment, but smiling. "Are we ready to go?"

"The question is, are _you_ ready to go?" He had watched her trying to pack this morning and he knew there were still things strewn around the bed.

"I usually don't have this much trouble packing, but nothing fits me." She said in a frustrated tone. She walked out of Elise's room and headed down the hallway towards the kitchen.

Elliot followed her. "Well, I wouldn't worry about it. You're not probably going to need many clothes this weekend."

He realized Olivia had stopped and he stood next to her. He saw Maureen was standing right there with a blush on her face. Elliot looked over at Olivia, and saw the embarrassed look on her face too. He realized then what he had said. He shook his head. "No. That's not what I meant. I meant…we're just going to stay in…" He realized he was only making it worse. "I'm just going to shut up now." He said.

Maureen turned her attention back to Elise, who was sitting on the kitchen counter next to her, oblivious to what was going on.

Olivia slapped him on the arm and gave him a dirty look and he shrugged his shoulders. He really hadn't meant it that way. He'd just meant they weren't going out for any fancy dinners or anything like that. She could lie around in sweatpants all day if she wanted.

"I'm going to finish getting packed." She said, and she headed for the bedroom.

A half an hour later, Elliot had their bags, they'd said their goodbyes, and they were headed down to the car. When they were riding down in the elevator, he dropped their bags on the floor. Olivia slipped her hand in his.

"I'm really excited about this trip." She said. And she meant it. She'd been looking forward to it all week, even though she had no idea where they were going. The only thing Elliot had told her was that it would be peaceful and quiet, with one to bother them. No schedules. No calls from work. No victims to deal with. Three days to themselves. It sounded like heaven.

Elliot packed their bags in the car, and they headed out.

"When are you going to tell me where we're going?" she asked.

"I haven't decided." He knew that once they headed north out of the city, she'd probably be able to guess. "Just relax and enjoy the ride." He lay his hand on the console, palm up, and Olivia intertwined her fingers with his. She lay her head back on the seat rest and closed her eyes.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia hadn't asked about where they were going again, and she hadn't made any guesses. Elliot kept glancing over at her as the city gave way to country, and saw her relax against the seat. The skies were blue with the sun partly shaded by clouds, and the trees had lost their leaves. Traffic was relatively light as they headed north, and after having forced Elliot to stop twice so she could use the restroom, Olivia had fallen asleep in the seat next to him.

She'd been sleeping about thirty minutes when he knew they must be close. He looked at the directions his friend had given him, and finally found the dirt road that led to his cabin in the woods. As he hit the gravel, the Jeep rocked a little and he saw Olivia stir a little out of the corner of his eye.

"Are we there?" she asked, her voice still sleepy.

"I think so." He said.

Olivia stretched her arms and shifted in her seat. "Good. I have to go to the bathroom." She looked out the window, but she really couldn't see anything through the trees. She cracked the window, and crisp, autumn air blew in, breaking up the stuffiness in the car.

They drove for less than a minute before the trees broke and they drove into a small clearing. Olivia smiled when she saw the small log cabin nestled at the base of the foothills. It had a small porch on the front, and Olivia could see two rocking chairs and a small table. She saw a large woodpile off to the right of the cabin, piled up next to a brick chimney. There was smoke coming out of the chimney, and Olivia thought the scene in front of her looked like a postcard.

"We're in the Catskills?" she asked. "I've always wanted to come up here." She said when she saw Elliot nod in acknowledgement. She was opening the door the second the Jeep came to a stop. She was climbing out of the car and Elliot hurried to get out of the car. He came around the front of the car, and met her as she came to a stop a few feet from the stairs.

Elliot wrapped his arm around her shoulder and she looked up at him.

"This is perfect." She said excitedly. "How did you find this?"

"A Navy buddy of mine owns the place. He said we could use it. He has a friend that watches over the place, and he was going to stock up some food for us and get a fire started." He looked at the cabin. "Looks like he's been there already." He took a step forward and tugged at her hand. "C'mon."

They climbed the steps and Elliot checked the doorknob. He saw the door was unlocked and he pushed it open and looked inside. He could smell the smoke from the fire with a hint of knotty pine and he turned and smiled at Olivia. "You're going to love this." He took a step back, and wrapped one arm around her waist. He leaned over and ran his other arm behind her knees.

Olivia could tell that he was going to try to lift her up, bridal style and she pushed against his shoulders. "God Elliot. I weigh a ton. You can't lift me." She said, laughing.

Elliot just grinned at her, scooping her up with what seemed like minimal effort. He carried her into the cabin and deposited her on the other side, and Olivia got a good look at the inside of the cabin. Off to her left was what a huge bed with a wooden headboard and what looked like several blankets and some kind of down comforter on the top. There was a small table to the right of the bed and then a bookcase. Next to that was a large window that provided the border to a small living room. There was a couch, the back of it to the bed, and two large overstuff chairs on either side. All the furniture was facing a large fieldstone fireplace, and she could see the fire crackling and snapping inside. To the right of the fireplace was a doorway, and she guessed that was the bathroom. Then to their right was a cozy kitchen, ending with a bench shaped like an L against the wall. A table with additional chairs were tucked into the L and the entire space was filled with light due to the windows that mirrored the length of the bench.

"This is amazing." Olivia said breathlessly. It wasn't large, but it was perfect for them. She had really hoped that they weren't going to end up at some fancy hotel. She should have known better. Elliot wouldn't have picked something like that.

She turned to Elliot and wrapped her arm around his neck. "Thank you." She whispered, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. She could tell she had surprised him with the kiss; it had been a long time. "Thank you for being so patient."

"Please don't." he said, cupping her face with his hands. He knew she was feeling guilty for being distant. She barely let him hold her while they slept. "We've got nothing but time. Remember, you're stuck with me forever." He teased, trying to lighten the mood. He ran his left hand through her hair and tucked it behind her ear. "Now, why don't you go to the bathroom and I'll get our bags out of the car.'

"Deal."

When Olivia emerged from the bathroom, she saw their bag on the bed and she heard Elliot rummaging through the refrigerator. She walked into the kitchen and saw he had unloaded some food onto the counter. He looked up at her. "Hungry?"

She smiled. "Starved."

He stood up. "You wish is my command." He nodded towards their bags. "We're not leaving this place all day. Get comfortable and then I want you to take one of those books you brought along, curl up on the couch or in one of those chairs and enjoy the fire. I'll whip something up for lunch."

"You don't need to wait on me." Olivia said.

"I don't want any arguments from you." Elliot said with a big smirk on his face. "I'll carry you in there if I have to. Don't think I won't."

Olivia held her up hands. "I'm not going to fight you." She headed back towards the bed, and opened her bag. She pulled out a pair of warm, fuzzy socks and sat down on the bed, working hard to get them on. Once she'd accomplished that, she pulled out a book from her bag and headed for the couch. She saw a pile of blankets, and pulled one from the top. She sat down on the couch and stretched out her legs on the hassock, tucking a pillow behind her back. She pulled the blanket over her legs and lay her head on the back of the couch. She focused on the fire, mesmerized by the colors as the flames licked the logs. She could hear Elliot making noise in the kitchen, but it all seemed so far away. She felt her body relaxing; the room was warm from the fire and she thought how wonderful it would be to just nap here all afternoon.

It was a few minutes later when Elliot broke her reverie. He sat down next to her, and handed her a plate of eggs and some toast with a side of fruit. "Here you go."

"It smells wonderful." She said, digging in. She had underestimated how hungry she'd been. "Thanks."

They ate in silence for a few minutes and Elliot cleaned his plate just a few seconds ahead of her. He grabbed her plate and walked into the kitchen. "I think I'm going to take a look outside. Danny said there's a small lake. I want to check it out. See what else is out here on the property."

"I can come with you." Olivia said.

"Why don't you let me scope it out and then we can take a walk later." He suggested.

Olivia was pretty comfortable; she decided that was a good plan.

Elliot pulled a sweatshirt from his bag and pulled it over his head. He kissed the top of her head. "I'll be back in a little bit." He hesitated. "Are you sure it's OK if I go?" he asked. He hadn't really thought his plan through. He realized she may have asked to come along because she did not want to be left alone. He came back around the couch. "You know what? I think I'll stay here. We can take a walk together later." He sat down beside her.

"El." Olivia said, looking over at him and placing a hand on his knee. "I'm fine. Really." She knew exactly what he was thinking. "Go."

Elliot was skeptical, but when he looked at her, she looked sincere.

"Really. I'm just going to sit here and read. Go explore."

"OK." He stood up and walked towards the door. "I won't be gone long." He closed the door behind him and he was gone.

Olivia smiled, feeling the energy from him when she told him to go. He was like a little boy going out to play in the woods. She cracked open her book, and started to read. A few minutes had passed when it struck her how really quiet it was up here. The only sound was the crackling of the fireplace and it started to make her feel a little uneasy. She closed her eyes and took some calming breathes.

When Olivia opened them again, she felt a little better. The fire was actually getting low, and she stood up, grabbing a log from beside the fireplace and setting it on top of the others in the fire. She walked over to the window and looked outside to see if she could see Elliot. Of course, there was no sign of him. She wandered around the cabin, looking at the various photos on the mantel and shelves. She ran her fingers across the spines of the books on the bookshelves, recognizing some of the titles. The tour continued as she wandered into the kitchen, and looked at the supply of food Elliot's friend had stocked for them. There was a note on the counter addressed to Elliot, and she debated reading it, but decided not to. She turned around and leaned against the counter, surveying the rest of the cabin.

Her eyes settled on a radio on the counter next to the stove, and she decided a little background noise might help break the absolute silence. Just something on low to provide a little white noise. This much quiet when you're used to the noise of the city was just a little too much. She turned the radio on and her some static-y country music. Not her first choice but she assumed it was tuned to the one station you could probably get out here in the woods. The volume was already on low, so she left it as it was and wandered back into the living room. She looked out the other window; realizing she really had no idea which direction Elliot had gone.

A mild panic overtook her. Despite her earlier bravado, she realized she really didn't know where they were. She didn't have the car keys. Or a phone. Hell, they probably didn't even get phone reception out here. She could feel her breath quickening and she tried to calm down. She kept telling herself there was nothing to be frightened of.

Unless something happened to Elliot. What if he got shot by some random hunter in the woods? What if he were attacked by a wild animal? A series of ridiculous, far-fetched scenarios ran through her head, and the more she told herself she was being stupid, the less she could stop it.

She closed her eyes again, trying to focus on the breathing exercises she and her therapist had discussed. Methods for dealing with these feelings of panic. She took a few deep breathes, trying to think of something good. Elise. She pictured Elise…focused on when she had been sitting with her this morning and reading her a story. How she was reading half the words herself now. How she'd thrown her arms around her and hugged her before she left.

She felt calmer when she opened her eyes, but knew she couldn't sit in the cabin and wait for Elliot. She grabbed the blanket from the couch and wrapped it around herself. She went to the door and reached for the knob and then she stopped. She went into the kitchen and drew a butcher knife from the block of knives on the counter, walked out of the cabin and sat down in one of the rocking chairs, setting the knife next to her on the small table. The clouds had cleared and the sun was beating down on her, despite the awning over the porch. It felt warm on her face, and despite the nip in the air, she realized she was comfortable wrapped in the blanket. She scanned the area, seeing some squirrels in the trees and scampering across the clearing. The scene was picturesque, but she could still feel she was on edge. She kept looking around, anxious for the sound of Elliot coming back from his walk.

After waiting for what felt like an eternity, she decided she couldn't wait any longer. A trip to go to the bathroom was necessary. She pushed herself up from the chair and walked into the cabin, draping the blanket on the couch on her way to the bathroom. The warmth of the cabin felt good; the radio playing in the background. She realized she was a little colder sitting out there than she thought.

Elliot came back from his walk and stepped up on the porch. The first thing he saw was the butcher knife sitting on the table between the two rocking chairs. His heart leapt into his throat and he hesitated with his hand on the doorknob. He didn't know what to expect. At the last minute, he grabbed the butcher knife off the table and hid it behind his back. He opened the door slowly. "Liv?"

Olivia heard Elliot's voice just as she was getting ready to leave the bathroom. His voice startled her at first, and then she realized it was him. She opened up the door and saw him standing by the door with a look of uncertainty on his face.

"You're back." She said. She tried to keep her voice neutral, but she knew he could hear the relief in her voice.

"You OK?" Elliot asked, looking around the room with the knife safely hidden from view.

Olivia nodded. "Yes. I'm fine. I just missed you." She knew he probably wasn't buying it. "It was just really quiet once you left. And I realized I didn't know where you went…" Her voice trailed off and she realized he was still staring at her with concern.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have left you here." He noticed she didn't reply to that.

"Will you come sit with me?" she asked, pointing to the couch.

"Yeah, just let me get a drink of water. And then I'll tell you what I found." He said. When Olivia turned to go back to the couch, he pulled the knife from behind his back and walked towards the kitchen. He started the faucet running and then slipped the knife back into the butcher block. He decided he wasn't going to say anything about it. He just felt horrible that she'd been scared…scared enough to feel like she had to arm herself.

He got a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. He walked into the living room and saw Olivia had settled back on the couch. "Let me tell you what I found." He said, settling in next to her. "First of all, there's a beautiful little lake…"


	78. Chapter 78

_AN: Once again, I have to apologize for the delay. I hate when life and work get in the way of things I want to be doing, like writing. You have all been so awesome in reading and leaving reviews. Thank you!_

EOEOEOEO

They both sat down on the couch, and Olivia leaned back against Elliot's chest, his arm wrapped loosely around her expanded waist. He told her about the short walk to a small lake on the property, where a canoe was tied up to a small dock. He found a trail that was obviously used by deer and had seen a bald eagle fly overhead.

"I might look for a fishing pole. He has to have one somewhere around here." He said, and Olivia smiled. He sounded like a small boy once again; that excitement was in his voice again.

"You grew up in Brooklyn. Catch a lot of fish there?" she asked. She tried to replace the vision of a gun in his hand with a fishing pole but she failed miserably. She'd never thought of him as an outdoorsman; never heard him talk about hunting, fishing or camping.

"Actually, it's one of the things my Dad and I did together." He said.

Olivia didn't know what to say. Elliot rarely shared anything about his childhood. She assumed that much like her early years, there were very few good memories and that he held on to those like she did hers. Something to cherish and keep close. "You're Dad took you fishing?" she asked.

"Yeah." He said. "When I was younger. If he didn't have to work on Saturday, my mom would pack us a lunch and we'd be gone all day." He shook his head. "He was so patient out there. Even if we didn't catch a thing, we'd sit in that boat, making our way around the lake, looking for the perfect spot."

Olivia tilted her head back and saw he had a small smile on his face.

"I used to wish we could stay out there…that he could be more like that all the time." He shook his head slightly, as if trying to shake a memory.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." She had similar memories. Times when her mother surprised her. An achingly normal shopping trip…a lunch…a picnic in the park. But they were infrequent, and just like Elliot said, they never lasted. One thing she was committed to when she was pregnant was that her child wouldn't have to struggle to remember the good times.

Elliot smoothed his hand over her belly. "Yeah." As if reading her mind, he leaned over and placed a kiss on the crown of her head. "You're an amazing mother Olivia." He caressed her stomach. "When you and Elise came back into my life…I watched you with her. I mean, I always knew you'd be a great mom, but the way you are with her. Your capacity for love…your patience…it was clear that she was your first priority. That her well-being was the most important thing in your life."

Olivia was overwhelmed with his praise; she'd never been comfortable with compliments. But she felt the same way about him. "Who would have thought that two people with such messed up childhoods would be such good parents?"

"I think it's because we're so conscious of what we didn't have…of not repeating history." Elliot said, his hand stilling against her stomach. He could feel the baby moving beneath his hand and he smiled. "Our little boy's on the move."

Olivia covered Elliot's hand with her own. "Always. Especially when I want to rest." She ran her thumb over the back of his hand. "Have you been thinking about names?" she asked.

"Not really." Things had been so hectic; he could honestly say he hadn't had any time to think about it.

"Do you want to name him after your father?" Olivia asked, not sure about how he would react. She knew he didn't have a lot of fond memories of him, but family was family. And she didn't have a father to name him after. Elliot didn't say anything, and she didn't know if it was because he was thinking about it, or if he was opposed to the idea but didn't want to say anything. "Maybe a middle name?"

"Maybe." He said, his voice indicating that may be a better option than a first name. "Let's see what we decide on for the first name."

Olivia nodded. "OK. We have time."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the fire. The flames were mesmerizing. "It's so quiet up here." She said, breaking the silence. "It reminds me of when I first moved to Connecticut. You get so used to the buzz of the city. It's like constant white noise. I couldn't sleep for weeks."

"Yeah, I can imagine." He said. He didn't want to think about her moving to Connecticut; it was the beginning of a bad time for him. Despite the fact that he was sitting here with Olivia right now, his ring on her finger and a new baby on the way…it still scared him a little to think about how she ran away from it all.

Olivia had felt him tense slightly when she mentioned her move. She squeezed his hand lightly. "I'm not going anywhere El." She said. She knew they'd had a lot of ups and downs…times when he needed to legitimately worry about her leaving again. But she'd committed to marrying him. She wasn't going anywhere. "You don't need to get tense when I mention Connecticut."

"I just…" He wasn't sure he wanted to tell her, but he forged ahead. "I still worry sometimes. Not that you're going to just pick up and leave, but that something's going to happen. I've found my happily ever after but I worry that someone's going to decide that I don't deserve it and take it away from me." He was careful not to mention Manning or Crenshaw, and now he was feeling horrible that he brought it up at all. He flipped his hand over and intertwined his fingers with hers. "You know what? I'm sorry I brought it up. Forget it."

Olivia appreciated that he was trying to talk to her. His openness still surprised her sometimes. But she'd been working hard on not thinking about Crenshaw. She wanted this time away to forget about him. She lifted their intertwined hands. "You know what? I'm going to take you up on that." She brought their hands to her mouth and kissed the back of his hand. "We can talk some other time. But not now." She dropped their hands at her side, and tilted her head back again. "Will you teach me how to fish?" she asked.

Elliot smiled broadly. "Absolutely."

EOEOEOEO

Elliot looked over at Olivia sleeping soundly on the couch. The walk to and from the lake, the cool air and sunshine, along with the few hours they spent on the lake fishing, had taken its toll on her. As soon as they'd gotten back to the cabin, he'd settled her on the couch with a warm blanket and built up the file. She'd been asleep in minutes, and he sat in the chair and just watched her. There was color in her nose and cheeks from the autumn sun, and the slight wind had messed up her hair, making it look wild and untamed. She was lying on her left side, with the blanket pulled up to her chest and her right hand laying protectively over her belly.

Elliot couldn't stop staring at her. He knew people reacted to her physical beauty…but they didn't know her. He was one of the few people…maybe the only one…that knew all of her. Good and bad. It was the sum of these pieces that made her who she was and made him love her like no one else could.

"I love you." He whispered and he smiled when she stirred slightly. Almost like she had heard him in her sleep.

He stood up from the chair next to the fire, and added another log. He'd promised to make some dinner, and he walked into the kitchen to figure out a menu. The sun was starting to set, and he turned on the lights so he could start cooking. While he was working, he found that he couldn't stop smiling, and he realized how much they both needed this weekend away. They still had all day Saturday and part of the day Sunday before they had to head back, and he wanted to make the most of it. There was supposedly a small town nearby, giving them another opportunity for exploration, and he made a mental note to talk to Olivia about it during dinner. If she didn't want to go, he'd be just as happy to lie around the cabin with her snuggled up against him.

When dinner was ready, he walked over to wake up Olivia. He was surprised to see her eyes were open.

"You're awake."

Olivia gave him a small smile. "I just woke up. My stomach is growling." She took Elliot's hand as he helped her up. "Something smells good."

"Did you have a good nap?" he asked, brushing her hair back from her face as she stood in front of him.

"Yes." She said emphatically. "I was tired."

Elliot cupped her right cheek with his hand and looked down at her with a small smirk on his face. "I know. You were snoring."

Olivia opened her mouth in surprise. "I was not." She said indignantly. "I don't snore."

Elliot tilted his head back slightly and let out a loud laugh. "I hate to break it to you, but you do. Just when you're really tired…and since you've gotten bigger."

"Bigger?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm just going to shut my mouth now." He said.

"You're a smart man." She leaned in, having to push up on her feet slightly to kiss him. She set her feet back on the ground, but Elliot followed her, sucking her bottom lip in lightly between his. He relished the feel of her mouth against his; it seemed like an eternity since he had kissed her. Ever since the incident with Crenshaw, she'd been distant. There had been nothing more than a quick peck on the cheek or lips, and it always made him wonder if something more had happened. He knew she hadn't been raped, but maybe Crenshaw had taken more than she was telling. He didn't want to push her, which is why he'd let her set the pace.

She wasn't moving away from him, so he released her lip, and tilted his head slightly, covering her mouth with his. Olivia's hands were resting at his waist, and he waited for some indication that she wanted him to stop. He was surprised when she opened her mouth wider, and slid her tongue between his lips, and he let his hand slip from her cheek into her hair, cradling the back of her head as he deepened the kiss.

He could feel his desire for her starting to build in the pit of his stomach, and he let his left hand leave her waist and start to slid to the middle of her back. He kissed her harder, holding her firmly with his hand still wound through her hair. He was starting to pull her closer, but he felt her resistance, and a few seconds later, she was pulling away. Suddenly, he felt guilty, like he'd maybe pushed her too hard.

"I'm sorry." He said, quickly apologizing as he let his hands fall away from her body.

She looked at him quizzically. "What?" She didn't understand why he was apologizing.

Elliot looked at her, confused when he saw the puzzled look on her face. He started to say something, but paused, not even sure what to say.

Olivia got it then. She smiled and took a step closer to him again. "I'm fine El. I know I've been…distant. But I'm not fragile. I'm not going to break." She leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss. "Besides, _I'm_ the one that kissed _you_." She took a step back. "Honestly?" She smiled. "I'm just really hungry."

Elliot laughed. "I'm glad to hear that." He wrapped an arm around her waist and started leading her towards the kitchen. "So maybe we can pick this up later?"

She gave him a sideways glance. "That depends."

"On what?"

"How good of a cook you are."

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot was leaning back in his chair and watching Olivia as she washed up the dishes. He'd been pretty adamant about her letting him take care of it, but she wouldn't relent and he'd finally given in, not wanting to ruin the mood of the day in pushing his point.

He looked around the small cabin and smiled, loving the peace and quiet. It was a welcome respite from their daily lives, and although he wouldn't give that up for anything, he was glad they were here. She had been the one that wanted to get away, but he realized he needed it just as much. It gave him the ability to focus on her…on them.

His eyes swept back to her. She was in her bare feet, the cabin having warmed quite nicely. She was wearing black leggings and a loose t-shirt, having removed her sweater before she dug into the dishes. She had her hair in a messy ponytail, and he could see the line of her jaw as she turned to pick up something from the counter.

"You're so beautiful." He said, the words coming out of his mouth before he even realized he was going to say them.

Olivia laughed as she turned towards him slightly, a soapy plate in her hand. "Yeah." She said, rolling her eyes at him. She was pretty certain she looked like a wreck, with her hair hurriedly put up, no make-up on and the old leggings and t-shirt she'd thrown on. She turned back to the dishes.

He wanted to argue with her; ask her why she always did that. But he knew she didn't take compliments well, and that there were a lot of reasons for it. "Someday you'll believe me." He said quietly.

Olivia placed the clean dish into the rack and wiped her hands on a towel as she turned towards him. She leaned against the counter and smiled at it. "I believe you." She said. "You know I just…" She shrugged. "My mother…" She didn't finish the sentence but she thought about the times her mother told her that her beauty was a curse. She shook head, willing the rest of her mother's words from her mind. Why couldn't she just take a compliment like other people?

Elliot stood up and walked over to her. She looked down as he approached. He put two fingers under her chin and lifted her face until she looked at him. "Our parents messed with our minds but we're here, stronger than ever." He leaned in and kissed her gently. "Olivia Benson…you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, inside and out. And I thank God every day that he brought you into my life." He kissed her again. "Whatever crazy path we took to get here doesn't matter now." He leaned his forehead against hers. "I love you."

Olivia could feel tears springing up, threatening to spill over her lower lashes and she cursed the hormones raging through her body again. Elliot was a sentimental fool and a romantic…something no one would ever imagine if they saw him on an average day. She smiled at him. "I love you too." She wrapped her arms around his neck. "And I'm really happy we're here."

"This is just what we needed." He said, nodding in agreement.

"No, I don't mean here in the physical sense. I mean…here."

Elliot smiled broadly. "Me too."

"Sometimes I can't believe it. I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming." If she thought back to her childhood and her life since then, she never would have expected to end up here. "How many people get to find their soulmate?" she asked. She normally left the romanticism to Elliot; it wasn't her strong suit. But there was something about the still of the cabin, the warmth from the fire, that made this moment seem oddly intimate.

Elliot was still smiling. He brushed her hair back from her face. "Not many. Which makes us two of the luckiest people alive." He kissed her forehead, then her nose, and finally placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "I can't wait until we get married." He didn't know why, but he wouldn't feel completely settled until he got that ring on her finger. He could honestly say that he wasn't worried about her leaving him anymore, no matter what happened. But there was a part of him that just needed them to take that final step.

"Me too." Olivia agreed. She let her hands drop to his sides, and she buried her face in his t-shirt, fisting the material of his shirt in her hands. "I love you so much." She whispered into his chest. Sometimes it still scared her…the depth of her feelings for this man were off the chart, and she knew if anything ever happened to him, it would damage her irrevocably. She could feel Elliot's arms around her, and she once again wondered how she could possibly be so lucky.

Elliot placed a kiss on top of her head and held her as close as the baby would allow. "I'm not going anywhere." He said, knowing that his fear was the same as hers. "Don't worry." Another minute passed and she hadn't said a think hadn't moved. "What's going through your head?" he asked, wondering if there was something else worrying her.

She pulled herself up slightly and he loosened his arms, giving her room to look up at him. "I don't want to wait." She said, and she could hear the tremble in her voice.

"What? Wait for what?" Elliot asked.

"To get married." She said. "Let's get married now."

Elliot shook his head. "I told you I don't care when we get married. When we get home, we can see if we can…"

"No." Olivia said, shaking her head. "I mean now. Tomorrow. There has to be a town close by. A judge." Now that the words were out, she felt a rush of adrenaline. She wanted this to happen, sooner rather than later. She couldn't explain it, but suddenly she didn't want to wait until March.

"But our family…our friends." Elliot said. "There are so many people that want to be there for us."

"No one has to know." She said. "We can still do all of that." She smiled. "I just don't want to wait anymore. I want to be Olivia Stabler."

Elliot smiled, cupping her face in his hands. "Olivia Stabler? I like the sound of that." Her enthusiasm and sense of urgency was infectious, and he found himself getting excited by the prospect. "Tomorrow?"

Olivia nodded. "Tomorrow." She looked back and forth between his eyes, trying to gauge how he was feeling about her impulsive proposal.

"Just you and me." He said.

Olivia nodded again.

Elliot thought about it for another second…thought about the path they'd taken. "I suppose it's only right. It's always been just you and me." He said. "Partners for life." He said, tossing an old line out there; something they'd said to each other years ago.

Elliot leaned in and kissed her. He looked down into her eyes and clasped her hands in his. "Olivia Benson…do you want to marry me tomorrow?" he asked, a small smile playing across his face.

Olivia returned the smile. "I do."


	79. Chapter 79

AN: OH MY GOODNESS. I had such a case of writers block this week and that has never happened to me before. It was terrifying. So hopefully you'll cut me some slack if this is a little rough!

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot grasped Olivia's hands and started walking backwards out of the kitchen, tugging her along with him. "This calls for a celebration."

"What kind of celebration did you have in mind?" she said with a small smile on her face. She had a pretty good idea, and she wasn't going to complain.

"I think you know exactly what I have in mind." He said. He stopped walking and Olivia took a few more steps until she was standing in front of him. He grasped the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it up over her head so that she was standing in her white lace bra. Elliot slid his hands down her arms, and then down her sides until he slid his thumbs into the waistband of her leggings. He buried his face in her neck, placing kisses along her shoulder while he tugged at her leggings.

Olivia placed her hands over his. "Maybe we should wait." She whispered into his ear.

"What?"

Olivia smiled at just how quickly his lips came off her skin and at the confusion swirling in his voice. "Just until we get married." She said.

Elliot pulled his hands from her leggings, and straightened up. "You're not serious?"

Olivia bit back a small smile, feeling terrible about teasing him. But sometimes it was just too damn easy. "I just thought maybe we would want to have a little honeymoon tomorrow night."

Elliot's eyes swept down over the swell of her breasts, which had been amplified thanks to this pregnancy, and then back up to her eyes. He caught the small smile on her face before she could mask it. He seized her upper arms gently and pulled her body so she was almost flush with him and looked her straight in the eye. "You are evil…" He said seriously. Then he broke into a smile. "I thought you were serious." He ran his hands up her arms until they were resting on her shoulders. "You're going to pay for that."

He slid his right hand up through her hair and lowered his mouth so it was covering hers completely. He kissed her hard, twisting his fingers in her hair and tilting her head to the side to give him better access. He opened her mouth with his and slid his tongue inside, swiping it against hers.

If this was his idea of punishment, she was all in favor.

Before she knew it, his mouth had left hers, and he was scooping her up in his arms. She let out a small cry of surprise, but quickly recovered, wrapping her arms around his next and burying her face in his neck. She placed gentle kisses against his skin, and then let her tongue trail down his neck.

He carried her into the bedroom and set her down gently on the queen sized bed. She adjusted herself slightly to get comfortable, and then stretched her arm out, waiting for him to join her. He walked around to the end of the bed, and then whipped off this long sleeved t-shirt in one fluid motion.

He stood in place, looking at her lying there. Olivia raised an eyebrow, wondering what was going through his mind right now. She could see by the expression on his face that he was contemplating something. "Did you change your mind?" she asked, a slight tease in her voice. She knew there was probably no way that was the case.

"Hell no." His confirmation was quick and final.

"Then quit standing there and lose the pants." She directed, pointing at his jeans. She wanted his mouth on hers and his hands on her body.

Elliot raised an eyebrow. "Who said you're in charge?" He said with a sly smile. He grabbed her ankles and tugged her towards him, until her feet were dangling off the end of the bed. He could tell his quick movement had surprised her again, and she let out a small laugh as he released her ankles. "The only one losing their pants around here right now is you." He leaned over and hooked his thumbs into the waistband of her leggings, sliding them down her hips. Her underwear came with it, and they were both on the floor beside his t-shirt just seconds later.

Elliot let his eyes trail up her legs and then over the swell of her belly to her breasts. The white lace stood out against all that bronze skin, and he wanted that gone. He leaned over and placed a kiss on the inside of her left ankle, and then he worked his way up the inside of her shin, pulling her legs apart slightly as he worked his way up to her knee. Elliot climbed onto the bed and continued placing gentle kisses up her inner thigh…and he felt her body tense in anticipation as he trailed his left hand up her right leg, keeping pace with his mouth. Before he reached her core, his left hand ran over her hip and he lifted his mouth from her thigh, placing gentle kisses on her belly.

His hand traced up her side, until this thumb reached the underside of her breast. He felt her body arch slightly and he knew she wanted him to touch her. It was all he could do not to run his hand over her nipple, but he told her she was going to pay for her teasing…and he was going to extend this foreplay to a torturous level. He had every intention of making her come multiple times…with this mouth…with his hands…and himself deep inside of her…but she didn't know that and he was going to enjoy the hell out teasing every last moan and demand out of her.

His mouth left her body and he ran his hands up the sides of her body, brushing the sides of her breasts before they landed on her shoulders. Olivia lifted her hands and traced them over his chest as he climbed over her, with one knee resting on either side of her thighs. She trailed her hands up around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss, but he turned his head and dropped his mouth to her neck, nipping at the tender skin beneath her ear. He trailed his tongue down the shell of her ear and then bit down lightly on her earlobe. "It's a good thing we're out here in the woods Liv, because I'm gonna make you scream." He whispered.

Olivia shuddered beneath him, his breath hot in her ears and his words a promise of the pleasure that was to come. Sometimes sex with Elliot was wild…intense…passionate...hard thrusts culminating in mind-blowing orgasms that hit hard and left them gasping for breath. But when he was like this, she knew it was going to be slow…that he was going to take his time and that the orgasms would build slowly and then overtake her in waves…leaving her moaning and writhing and wanting him to stop and begging him not to…over and over again until they were both spent, lying in a sweaty heap on the bed.

"Elliot" she whispered, trying to arch her body into his. She wasn't sure what she was asking for…the anticipation was almost unbearable and she knew that he knew it too. Before she could say another word, his mouth covered hers, and he was kissing her without restraint, his tongue driving into her mouth. She felt his hands slide around her back and before she knew it, her bra was being pulled from her body. He lowered himself slightly, and her nipples scraped across his chest, causing a moan to escape from her mouth into his. She wrapped her arms around his back, tracing patterns across the skin of his back as he continued to devour her mouth. She could feel her bodies reaction…the flush across her skin and the stirring in her belly.

Then suddenly, his mouth was gone and he was kissing his way along her jaw and down her neck. She realized her eyes were still closed when he pulled himself up and she opened them to see him sitting up, his body resting lightly against her thighs. His arms were resting at his sides and he wasn't making any contact with her except for the slight scrape of denim against her skin. She watched as his eyes swept down to her mouth, and then down her chest. His gaze lingered there for a moment, and Olivia expected to feel his teeth against her nipples in mere moments, but his eyes trailed back to hers and she saw a smile on his face as he shook his head.

"You're not getting off that easy." He said. He knew her breasts were sensitive, even more so now. He had found out early on that he could get her off with just his tongue and his mouth against her breasts…always amazed at the affect he had on her. He'd be lying if he said that the way he could play her body…the multitude of ways he had made her come for him…didn't give him quite the ego boost. Of course, she was quite masterful in that way herself and was just as much of a master at the art of the tease as he was. Probably more. It didn't take much to make him hard for her, and he had no doubt that she could probably make him come without ever touching him.

"I'm tired of your lines." She sassed back, not even remembering how many times he'd told her that. She knew she was going to lose patience with this slow burn. "Seems to me you take pleasure in getting me off like that." She knew she was baiting him…appealing to his ego, but if it meant he would oblige her, she didn't care.

"No." he said, climbing off the bed completely. He saw the look of confusion on her face and he chuckled inwardly. Did she honestly think he would just walk away from her? This amazingly beautiful, naked woman sprawled out on the bed in front of him? No sane man would.

"Where are you…" Before Olivia could even get the words out of her mouth, Elliot's hands were on her ankles again and he was trailing his hands up her legs, spreading them slightly. She felt the cold air hit her core, and she shuddered, knowing she was already wet. He ran his hands down the outside of her thighs and then her shins, and then circled her ankles with his hands once again, tugging her down the bed. Before she knew it, he was on his knees and her legs were dangling over his shoulders. His hot mouth was on the inside of her thigh and she tensed against. He ran his left hand up her right thigh and then his hand was on her mound, holding her down against the bed.

Olivia fisted the comforter in anticipation. She didn't know if it was going to be his mouth or his fingers that touched her first…and she tensed again, waiting for either. She felt his fingers spreading her open and this his tongue on her…sliding between her folds and flicking over her clit. Her hips bucked up in response but he held her tightly in place, his forearm resting against her hip and her pelvis as his fingers held her open. She felt his other hand then, trailing across her entrance, teasing her as he dipped the tip of his fingers inside of her slightly. He moved his fingers, replacing them with his tongue and she was trying to keep up as his fingers and tongue were all over her, licking and teasing and nipping.

She was gasping now…low moans escaping as her hands grasped at the material of the comforter. She couldn't move her lower body; he had her pressed firmly into the mattress. She wanted to tell him to stop…he was driving her insane. _She didn't want him to stop_.

Elliot could feel her trying to escape him but he held her in place. He moved his mouth back to suck on her clit and she gasped as he bit down lightly. She was so fucking wet, and he slid one finger inside of her easily. He added a second and started fucking her with a gentle rhythm. He curled his fingers inside of her slightly and could feel her walls clenching around him. He heels were digging into his back as her thighs clenched around his head and he had to release his arm that was holding her down to grab her thigh and pull it slightly to the side, opening her up a little more.

Olivia had her head thrown back and her eyes closed, focused on the motion of his fingers and his mouth. Now that he had removed the hand holding her down, she was twisting her body…one moan chasing the other as her body started trembling. "Fuuuuccckkk." She choked out...she was going to come hard.

And then he was gone. His hands…his mouth. Leaving her feeling cold and disoriented. Her eyes flew open…a question on her lips…when she felt his mouth kissing his way down the inside of her thigh. "Elliot." She said, her voice a warning as she said his name through gritted teeth.

"Maybe we should wait…" he said between kisses. Teasing her with the very words she had uttered earlier.

"Son of a bitch." She hissed, trying to prop herself up on her elbows so she could see his face, but she lacked the energy and the coordination at that moment, and she fell back on the bed. She saw him then, as he pushed himself up from the floor and swiped the back of his hand across his mouth.

"What?" he said, plastering an innocent look on his face. "You don't want to wait for the honeymoon?" He grinned at her then and she glanced down his body, noticing his erection straining against the denim of his jeans.

Elliot saw her eyeing him, and he started to unbutton and unzip his jeans. "Is this what you want?" he teased, dropping them to the floor. He pulled down his briefs, freeing his erection and he heard Olivia let out another muttered curse beneath her breath. He grinned at her again.

"Less talk and more action Stabler. Or I might rethink this whole thing." She was aching…and this teasing was doing nothing to take that ache away.

Elliot laughed…knowing damn well that if she wasn't pregnant, Olivia probably would have tackled him to the ground and taken matters into her own hands. "Don't worry. I'm gonna take care of you."

Olivia expected him to crawl on the bed then, but in the next few seconds, he was spreading her legs on the bed and sliding his fingers back inside of her. His thumb was on her clit, and it seemed like mere moments before she was back to where he'd left her. Her body started trembling and she could feel the pleasure coursing through her. He had one hand on her inner thigh to keep her from closing her legs, and suddenly her orgasm overtook her, causing her to cry out as her body shook and her walls clenched around his fingers. He didn't relent…his fingers were trapped but he kept teasing her clit, causing additional waves of pleasure to course through her, giving her no relief. She was gasping for breath, and she tried to spit out his name. She couldn't reach him with her hands; her belly was in her way. She arched her back and tried to move her hips, trying to twist away from him. But she was trapped in his grasp. He finally relented, releasing her leg from his hold and his thumb from her clit and she let out another gasp as she allowed her body to fall back into the mattress.

Elliot slid his fingers from inside of her then, and they were dripping. "Christ Liv." He slid his fingers around his cock, spreading her juices along his length. He fisted himself then, and teased her entrance. She jolted beneath him at his touch but he penetrated her slightly. She was so fucking tight around him; slick and wet. He wanted to slide inside of her, but he wasn't sure she was ready to take him yet. She hadn't said a word, and he could hear her still breathing heavily. He pulled back slightly, losing contact with her and he climbed up on the bed, one knee between her legs and the other on the side.

"Liv." He said. She had her eyes closed and she opened them lazily; he could tell she was still coming down from her high. He saw a small smile on her face as she took in the sight of him, and then she was reaching for him, stroking his cock with her long fingers. He looked down at her hand on him, and he growled. He wanted to be inside of her now. This long, drawn out foreplay had been a test in control for him, and if she kept stroking him like that, he was going to come in her hand. It felt so good, but he pulled her hand from his erection. "You ready for me?"

Olivia smiled at him, her look still hazy. "I'm always ready for you." She said, and the tone of her voice sent a shiver through him…he had to get inside of her now.

Olivia held out her hand. "Help me up." Elliot did as she asked and helped her into a sitting position. She had dragged a pillow with her and she stood up, leaving the pillow on the bed.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked.

"Nowhere." She whispered. She wrapped her arms around his neck and placed her mouth against his, kissing him deeply. She could taste herself on him as she drove her tongue into his mouth. She let her right hand drop down between them, and continued to stroke him. He was long and thick and it always sent a shiver of anticipation through her. She dropped her hands then and pulled her mouth from his. She turned around and climbed back on the bed, pushing the pillow beneath her belly to support her. She loved it when Elliot took her from behind. He would bury himself do deeply inside of her…deeper than any other position. And tonight, she wanted that. It was far less intimate and she knew that sometimes, he hesitated because he wanted to kiss her or see her face. But right now, he didn't seem to mind. He grasped her hips as he lined himself and she felt him at her entrance. She was still sensitive from before, and she bit her lip as he started to push inside of her. But soon he was filling her and they both groaned simultaneously. When he was flush with her, he paused, his fingers digging into her hips.

"Fuck Liv." He gasped out, dropping his head, his eyes clenched tight. "So fucking good." She was so tight around him that he was worried he might come right then and there, so he gave himself a few seconds to gain some semblance of control, and for her body to adjust to his intrusion.

Olivia peered over her shoulder, rebracing herself on her hands. She could see the grip of his jaw and she dropped her head forward, pushing herself back against him.

Elliot smiled at her impatience. She had already come once tonight…and yet she was the impatient one. He pulled out of her almost completely and then drove back inside of her and they both let out a grunt as their bodies connected again. He did that a few more times slowly, and he had no doubt she would have bruises on her hips tomorrow from where he was holding her so fiercely. He was yelling at himself to have some control but the way she felt around him was almost unbearable and he let out a string of curse words as he fucked into her, harder and faster. He heard her moaning and felt her walls clenching around him like a vise and he thought that maybe she was close too…maybe her sensitized body would bring her to the edge quickly and he could succumb. He kept up his frantic rhythm, pounding into her body and he knew it was almost over. He could feel the familiar tingling in his body and he let out a yell as his orgasm ripped through him and he spilled himself inside of her. He was still riding it out when he heard her yell out and she was clenching around him again. Her arms buckled, and he grabbed her hips so she didn't forcibly pull her body away from him. Olivia pushed herself up again, but her head was down and he could tell she was spent. He tried to wrap his arm around her, low on her hips to keep her in place, but she pushed at his hands. He slipped out of her reluctantly, and she collapsed on the bed, falling on her side.

"Are you OK?" he asked quickly, wondering if he had hurt her. He climbed up on the bed, pushing the hair back from her face. She was breathing heavily and her skin was flushed and she opened her eyes to look at him.

"Why do you always ask me that?" She whispered, still trying to regain her voice.

Elliot looked confused. "I don't always ask you that." He said.

Olivia tugged him down on the bed so that he was lying next to her. "Yes, you do."

"I guess…I just want to make sure I didn't hurt you."

"God, do you think if you were hurting me I wouldn't tell you to stop?" she asked, rolling her eyes. She reached out and splayed her hand across his chest. "I just had two world class orgasms. I'm exhausted and my body feels like jelly and I just couldn't hold myself up anymore." She said. "And I know all of that's going straight to your head, but right now, I don't care."

"World class huh?"

Olivia smiled lazily. "See?"

"Well, maybe it's this body that brings out the best in me." He teased back, sliding his hand over her hip.

"Ugh. My big fat body." She said. "Don't even talk about it."

Elliot ran his hand up to her cheek. "Are we gonna have this conversation again?" he asked. He had told Olivia that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen and he meant it. Pregnant or not. He still didn't know why she wouldn't believe him.

Olivia smiled and shook her head. "No."

"OK then." He leaned in and kissed her. "OK." He rolled on to his back and Olivia scooted over, resting her head on his chest. She lay one arm across his stomach and draped one leg over his.

"What do you want to do now?" he asked. He knew it was still early, even though the skies outside the window were dark.

"Nap?" Olivia murmured against his skin.

Elliot smiled. He was happy that she was relaxed here and seemed to be catching up on her sleep. He kissed the top of her head. "OK. You take a little nap. I'm going to get up and build up the fire and make sure everything's set for the night." He smiled when she didn't respond, and knew she was already half asleep when he didn't get any fight from her as he slid out of bed. He drew the covers over her, and walked around the end of the bed. He snagged his boxers and his jeans, leaving them unzipped and unbuttoned as he walked into the other room.

The fire was low, so he added some more wood. He saw the woodpile inside was getting low, and he thought he'd better get some more so he had some throughout the night. He walked back into the bedroom and grabbed his t-shirt, pulling it over his head again. He zipped up his jeans as he walked back towards the front door. He opened it, feeling the cold autumn air come rushing in. After the drowsy heat of the cabin, it sent a chill through him. He closed the door, and decided he was going to have to get shoes and a coat. Once he had those, he walked out on the porch. He leaned up on the railing and looked up at the night sky. He marveled at how quiet it was out here, and realized the sky must have clouded over because he couldn't see the stars. He stood for a few more minutes, just breathing in the fresh air before he clapped his hands together. It was a lot colder than he thought, and a chill was already setting in. He stepped off the porch and walked to the woodpile, gathering up as much as he could. He hauled the wood into the cabin, and then decided to take a few more trips to make certain he wasn't going to have to go out again in the middle of the night.

He checked on Olivia, and found her snoring lightly in the bedroom. He looked at the clock and saw it was almost 8, and he wondered if she'd sleep through the night or if he should wake her. He knew she'd been having nightmares, so he decided that as long as she was sleeping peacefully, he would leave her be.

He walked over to the old desk along the wall, where he had seen a stack of maps. No laptop and no internet out here. He grabbed a couple of regional maps and brought them back to the couch. He needed to find out where the nearest town was. As he sat down, a rush of disappointment washed over him. Tomorrow was Saturday. Even if they found a town that was big enough, no courthouse would be open tomorrow. There would be no judge to preside over a wedding. No way to get their wedding license, much less get the judge to waive the 24 hour waiting period. He didn't know why that thought hadn't occurred to them, except to say that life had been so crazy lately, it was hard to remember _what_ day it was sometimes.

He thought about the look on Olivia's face when she'd told him that she didn't want to wait. He thought about how excited he had been when she said she couldn't wait to become his wife. Olivia Stabler.

 _Fuck._

As disappointed as he was…he knew the reality was going to be a crushing blow for her. There was something in the way she'd said it that almost seemed she desperate for it to happen.

He tried to think of options. But aside from driving back to the city and flying to Las Vegas, he couldn't think of any.

He ran through different scenarios…but there simply weren't any other ways for them to make this happen tomorrow. The next best thing they could do is get their marriage license when they got back to the city, and move the wedding date up. He let out a heavy sigh; he didn't want to disappoint her.

He got up from the couch, tucked the maps back on the desk and loaded some more wood on the fire. He turned out the lights, and walked into the bedroom. He undressed quietly, and then stole under the covers. Olivia moaned slightly when he curled up next to her, but she didn't wake up. He held on to her and whispered that he loved her, and prayed that she slept well through the night. He tried not to dwell on the news he had to share with her tomorrow, and soon, he was lost in sleep next to her.


	80. Chapter 80

AN: OK readers/friends. Time for some more lovey dovey Elliot and Olivia time. This isn't sexy or hot, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up a little myself. I'm such a dope. Thanks for your comments/reviews! They make my day. *Insert smiley face here. *

EOEOEOEO

Elliot woke up and realized Olivia wasn't in bed next to him. He propped himself up on one elbow, rubbing his hand across his eyes, and then scanned the room. When he didn't see her, he got out of bed quickly, shivering at the chill in the air. He looked over at the clock and saw it was a little before 4AM; the fire must have gone out, leaving the cold air to seep in. He padded to the door, the wooden floors cold against his bare feet, but hesitated before crossing the threshold into the living room. He saw Olivia had dragged a big, oversized chair to the large picture window and was sitting there wrapped in a blanket.

He started walking towards her, but she didn't turn to look at him despite the creak of the floorboards. He looked at the fire dancing in the fireplace, and realized she must have added some logs to get it going. It must have been recent though, because there was still a chill in the air here too.

When he reached her chair, he stood watching her as she stared out the window, not wanting to disturb her thoughts.

"It's so beautiful." She whispered.

Elliot had been so intent on watching her that he hadn't bothered to look out the window. He let his eyes follow her gaze and saw the snow falling gently to the ground. Big, thick, lazy flakes floating down to add to the blanket of snow already covering the ground.

"It is." He said softly. Snow in New York was mostly a nuisance…something to be plowed and pushed...something that caused traffic to be snarled, and walks to be treacherous. But this…it was breathtakingly beautiful. The white snow against the green of the fir trees…the unblemished blanket of white covering the ground. "It's early for snow." He added, surprised to see it in early November. He had forgotten they were in the foothills of the Catskills; it shouldn't have come as a surprise.

"I feel like…" She turned her head and looked up at him. "Like it's some kind of surprise. Just for us." She looked away, embarrassed by her words. It was nonsense she knew, but she couldn't help feeling like this was a special gift…some unplanned way to add to the peace and tranquility of this place. To restore her sense of well-being.

Elliot put his hand on her shoulder. "I agree. It's perfect." He slid his hand to the nape of her neck, tucked under the warm blanket. "Is there room on this chair for me?" He hoped he wasn't disturbing her quiet moment, but he wanted to snuggle up with her and watch the snow fall with her. He smiled when she started to stand up, and he put his hand under her elbow to help her up.

"Here." She said, opening up the blanket. "We can wrap this around us."

Elliot shook his head. "I'm fine." He sat down on the chair and pulled her towards him. "I'll be warm enough with you and that blanket in my lap." He tugged her towards him so she was sitting on his lap, her legs thrown over one of the low arms of the chair. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to his body, so his head was close to hers. They both stared out the window at the movie Mother Nature was playing for them, and the quiet was almost deafening.

Olivia made a small noise and Elliot tensed slightly. "What's wrong?"

"The baby's just really restless." She said. "He's kicking me. Hard."

Elliot slid his hand beneath the blanket and rested it on her stomach. He slid around until he felt the baby moving, and was rewarded with a jab into the palm of his hand. "Wow." He said. "That was a good one."

"It's payback." She said with a small laugh.

"Payback?" Elliot said.

Olivia nodded slightly, moving her hand over Elliot's. "He doesn't like it when we have sex."

Elliot raised an eyebrow at her, as if questioning her comment.

"He gets really quiet…during." She said. "But then afterwards…it's like he's saying you kept me awake with all that, so now I'm going to keep you awake."

Elliot chuckled. "He should know that without sex, he wouldn't be where he is."

"Maybe he's just saying, this is my place. You did your job, now stay away." Olivia said with a small laugh.

"Yeah, well that's not gonna happen. He has to learn to share." He rubbed his hand across her belly again. "Behave." He said in a mock stern voice, and laughed when the baby kicked into his hand again. "Is that what woke you?" he asked, still rubbing his hand back and forth.

Olivia was quiet for a moment, and Elliot turned his attention from the baby back to her.

"Did you have a nightmare?" he asked quietly.

Olivia nodded, because she knew there was no point in lying. But then she spoke quickly. "It wasn't bad. It was…nothing. I'm fine."

"So, in other words, you want to talk about it." Elliot quipped, trying to lighten the conversation a little and let her know it was OK. He wasn't going to push her.

She smiled. "They're all variations on the same theme. I'm trapped somewhere and I'm screaming for someone to help me." She shrugged. "Sometimes they do…" Her voice trailed off. And then, surprising even herself, she added. "And sometimes they don't."

"Am I ever in these dreams?" Elliot asked, not sure if she would answer him.

"Sometimes." She said timidly, again surprised that she was telling him. "Sometimes you're there to save me." She said with a small smile.

"And sometimes I don't." Elliot added, knowing almost for certain that he was right.

Olivia quickly grabbed his hand again, intertwining her fingers with his. "It doesn't mean anything." She said. "It was just a dream."

Elliot squeezed her hand, wishing her words were true. He still felt guilty over not being there; she'd had to save herself. And even though he knew she was more than capable, he still felt like if he had done his job protecting her, she wouldn't have had to endure the entire ordeal. It wouldn't have come to that.

"I didn't share that with you so you could beat yourself up." Olivia said. "I told you because I'm trying to be more open with you."

Elliot kissed her temple. "I know. That means a lot to me." He kissed her again. "We're both just still learning I guess. I can't help it…but I'm trying." He knew he had to let it go or she would stop telling him these things. "I'm glad you told me."

They continued staring out the window. The wind had picked up slightly, and the snow was swirling around before it landed on the ground. Big flakes hit the windows periodically and Olivia thought it looked almost like a postcard. It reminded her of snowstorms in Connecticut, when she and Elise would wake up in the morning, put on their snow gear, and make snow angels or snowmen…or snow princesses in the yard. She wondered if it was snowing in the city right now, and if Elise was having a good time with Maureen.

"We didn't even check in on Elise." Olivia said, her motherly guilt kicking in.

"You know if you would have called, she wouldn't have talked to you for more than 2 seconds. I'm sure she's having a blast with Mo." Elliot said.

"I know." Olivia said with a small sigh. "My baby's just growing up. Sometimes I think about when it was just her and I. When all we had was each other…."

Elliot tried not to feel jealous…of the time he missed or of her wistfully recalling those days alone. Without him.

"She's this whole little person now with all of these other people in her life. She doesn't need me as much." Olivia said.

Elliot slid his hand from inside the blanket and wrapped it around her again, hugging her close. "Kids grow up." He said quietly, almost whispering in her ear. "But they always need their Mommy." He wasn't just placating her; it still surprised him how much the kids relied on Kathy. And him. When they needed advice…when they had been hurt or disappointed… when they had good news to share. They always came home.

Olivia nodded, thankful for the assurance. Because she hadn't always been able to turn to her mother, despite how much she wanted to. "I know. It's just hard." She looked down at the baby. "And now I'll have even less time for her."

"She's not the first kid to ever get a little brother or sister. It all works out. That's why it's good that she has all of these other people. That she's becoming more independent. She's a strong kid. She's just like you."

Olivia could hear the pride in his voice. "She's got some of your traits too. You're in there somewhere."

"Only the good things." He joked. They often talked about how their small daughter had a double dose of stubbornness.

"I can't imagine when she's a teenager." Olivia said with a smirk.

"Heaven help us." Elliot said. His daughter was a beauty like her mother, and he had no doubt he was going to have the boys chasing after her. "I survived it with Mo, Katie and Liz. Am surviving it."

"Their smart girls." Olivia said. "They're making good choices. She patted his leg. "You don't have to worry."

"I just worry that I be too old to intimidate any of the guys Elise brings home."

"It's not that far away." Olivia said with a laugh. "I think you'll be just fine."

"OK, we need to change the subject because this is making me anxious." He looked down at the baby again. "I'm glad you're a boy. I don't know if my heart can take another girl."

Olivia raised her eyebrow at him. "The old double standard?"

"Damn right. I'm not saying I don't teach Dick how to treat women, or that I don't preach to him the same things I do to my girls. I worry he's going to get some girl pregnant; repeat history like me and Kathy. But it _is_ different somehow."

"So you don't think he'd have any responsibility? That his life wouldn't be changed forever?"

"Of course it would. He'd take responsibility." Elliot shook his head. "I don't know how to explain it. It's different when it's your little _girl_."

Olivia smiled. Elliot was more old-fashioned than he knew, despite his enlightened viewpoints on so many things. Old-fashioned, and a romantic. "You're a sap." She said.

"And you love it." Elliot said, knowing damn well she had been surprised…and pleased…by this side of his personality.

"I do."

Olivia leaned her head back on Elliot's shoulder, still staring at the snow. It had started to pick up, and it was hard to see the trees through the thick blanket falling from the sky.

"You think you might be able to go back to sleep?" he whispered.

"Yes, but I don't want to stop watching the snow. It's mesmerizing."

Elliot adjusted her slightly on his lap. "Then let's just stay here for a bit."

EOEOEOEO

Olivia woke up, cursing the fact that she had to go to the bathroom again. She realized she was in bed, and was amazed that she didn't remember getting there. She assumed Elliot had carried her, but still would have had to jostle her a bit getting out of that chair. She didn't know how he could possibly have lifted her bulk from the chair; his strength never ceased to amaze her.

The room was toasty warm, even when she sat up and put her feet on the floor. Elliot must have really built up the fire. She smiled as she heard him in the kitchen and she looked over at the clock, surprised to see it was 9AM. She hadn't slept this long, without having to have a bathroom break, in months.

She grabbed a clean pair of leggings from her bag and hustled into the bathroom. She relieved herself, and then washed her face and hands. She felt so much better than she had in weeks, and for the first time, noticed she didn't have dark circles under her eyes.

She heard the front door open, and she quickly pulled on her leggings and straightened out the t-shirt she was wearing. She considered putting on a bra because frankly, she needed the support, but left it for now. She was anxious to see the snowy wonderland outside, and she wondered if it was still snowing. She walked out into the living room just as the door opened again. A cold rush of air swept into the room, with a smattering of snow in it. She smiled when she saw Elliot come through the door with his arms full of wood, and watched as he kicked the door closed behind him. He had snow on his shoes and on the bottom of his jeans and she watched him leave a trail of it as he walked towards the woodpile and dumped the chunks of wood.

"There's my girl." He said, turning towards her. "I thought you were going to sleep the day away." He walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. She jumped as he placed his cold cheek against hers and then snuggled into him.

"You're just trying to steal my body heat." She said, somewhat suggestively.

"Every chance I get." He quipped back, pulling away from her. He shrugged off his coat and walked over to the door, hanging it on a coatrack standing to the side of it.

"Hungry?" he asked.

"Starving." She walked over to the window. "Did we get a lot of snow?" She asked as she rested her hand on the window ledge. She could see the wind had blown the snow into drifts here and there, while other spots were more barren. It was hard to tell how much had fallen.

"I'd say about six to eight inches."

Elliot came up behind her and caged her body with his, resting his hand on the windowsill next to hers. "And it's cold out." He said. "Much colder than I expected."

"We're not snowed in, are we?" In the city, the plows were on top it if, leaving the city garages to plow almost before it started snowing. But out here…she had no idea if they even plowed this road.

"Nah. It's not enough snow to stop us. We'll be able to get out." He said. He knew he should tell her about the wedding today. That it wasn't going to happen. But she seemed so happy; he didn't want to break this spell they seemed to be under.

"Maybe I don't want to get out of here." She whispered. She was really enjoying their time here and felt it was doing exactly what she'd hoped. Recharging her…giving her some much needed escape from the chaos of life.

He wasn't sure what she was saying. Was this her way of telling him that she had changed her mind about getting married right away? That would upset him, even though he knew it couldn't happen today.

Olivia had felt him tense slightly. "I'm not saying I don't want to go home. Or that I want anything to change. Just that…this is exactly what I needed. To just get away for a while. And to spend some time with you."

"Liv." He knew he had to tell her.

"I know El. We're not getting married today." She felt him relax then, and she smiled at how well she could still read what was on his mind.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly, a little sadness in his voice. "Wait, how did you know? _When_ did you know?"

"I realized it when I was sitting here by the window early this morning. I don't know why I hadn't realized earlier that there was no way it could happen today."

"Just wishful thinking?" he asked.

"Maybe. It was just impetuous last night. A feeling I couldn't shake. I really hadn't thought it through before I said it."

"We can still get married earlier than we planned Liv. Whenever you want."

"I know." When she had said it, she'd really meant it. She'd had this overwhelming _need_ for it to happen. But today, she felt more at peace. "Let's just see how life plays out when we get home." She turned around and he stepped back a bit, granting her some space. She placed her arms on his waist, but kept her head bowed. "I don't know how to explain it. Why I felt that need."

"Just say what comes to your mind. You don't have to filter anything. I know you pretty well."

"I want our family and friend to be there El. I really do. But I'm torn because…" she looked up at him. "For so long, it seemed like it was just you and me. Before anything happened between us. We were just partners…but it _always_ felt like it was so much more than that. Like the physical side of our relationship was just some inevitability in the future. And so when it happened…it just seemed…right. Our story was playing out like it was supposed to, even though back in those days, neither one of us imagined this course. Or ever imagined we'd ever really be more than partners. I know that doesn't make sense."

"It does." Elliot said, reassuring her. "I know what you mean." Neither one of them had even questioned what happened that night when they took that first step. Gitano had pushed them over the edge somehow, but it was destined to happen at some point.

"But then when other people started coming into our world…when they knew what we really were to each other…" She trailed off. She didn't want to make it sound like she hadn't understood that he came with kids and an ex-wife. She just hadn't counted on how difficult it would be to balance everyone else's expectations and emotions.

"It became even more complicated."

Olivia nodded. "I love your family El. And our friends. We have Elise of course. But somehow, when we say those words…it just feels like it should be me and you."

Elliot cupped her face in his hands. "Liv, we will do this however you want. I understand that you're saying. But believe me when I say this. No matter who's there. No matter where we are. When I'm standing there and telling you that I will love you until the end of time…it will only be you I see."


	81. Chapter 81

Elliot convinced Olivia to go for a walk in the snow after breakfast and they only came inside when they're cheeks and toes were numb. They sat by the fire and drank hot chocolate and talked about everything except work, the kids, and what had occurred over the past few weeks. They each learned a little more about each other's childhoods…friends…school…pastimes…good memories…and bad. Despite having known each other for so long, the conversation filled in a lot of gaps. Things they had always been too afraid to ask. But there was something about this place; it seemed easier to open up and share things they normally wouldn't.

They day dragged on in a wonderful way…moving at a slow pace that neither was accustomed to. After lunch, Olivia dragged Elliot into the bedroom for a nap. He watched her sleep before he dozed off himself, and when they woke, he made love to her. It was slow and sweet and he saw tears in her eyes when she came. It was on his lips to ask if she was OK, and then he remembered her comments from the night before, and he held his tongue. Instead, he leaned over and kissed her eyes gently as she closed them. He curled his body around her and told her how much he loved her.

The rest of the day was spent at the same, slow pace.

Before dinner, Olivia decided she wanted to talk to Elise. She couldn't get any reception on her cell phone and neither could Elliot. She eyed the landline, knowing it would be a long distance call.

"Go ahead." Elliot said. "I'll pay him back for the call."

Olivia dialed their home number, barely remembering the last time she had actually used that number. Or that phone. She hoped they would pick up.

"Hello?"

"Elise?" Olivia asked, wondering why her four-year-old was answering the phone.

"Mommy!" Elise squealed into the phone. "It's Mommy! I told you the phone would be for me and not for you because you don't live here that's why I should answer it and it is her and pro'lly my Daddy too."

Olivia quickly realized that Elise was clearly talking to someone on the other side. "Elise!" Olivia said, trying to get her attention.

"What?" Elise said, talking loudly into the phone, matching Olivia's tone.

"I'm trying to talk to you." She said, lowering her voice. "What are you doing right now?"

"I'm talking to you." Elise said.

Olivia smiled. "OK. I meant what were you doing right before you were talking to me?"

"We're playing Pretty Pretty Princess. Sam has the crown but I'm gonna get it from him."

Olivia kept herself from laughing. She didn't know Maureen's boyfriend, but she could only imagine him sitting there with a crown on his head. Whoever this kid was, he was a good sport. "Are you following the rules?" Olivia asked. Elise liked to win…she had her parents' competitive streaks…and she hadn't yet learned that she couldn't cheat. Elliot let her get away with it, but Olivia did not.

Elise let out a frustrated sound and Olivia knew that was her way of deflecting, and avoiding an answer. She didn't want to push her though. She really wanted to talk to her.

"So tell me what other things you've been doing." Olivia said.

"We went to the park and Sam pushed me really high on the swings. He said it's underdog and it almost made me fall off but I held on tight." Elise said. "And we went to McDonalds but I'm not supposed to tell you that."

She paused then and Olivia knew she had just realized what she'd said. "It's fine El. What else?"

"We went to the coffee shop and I had hot chocolate with marshmellas and then we came home and I teached them the Pretty Princess game. And now I'm talking to you."

"Wow that sounds like a lot of fun." Olivia said. She was happy to hear that Elise wasn't missing them too much.

"Are you with Daddy?" Elise asked. "When are you coming home?"

Maybe she had spoken too soon. "Yes, I'm with Daddy. And we're coming home tomorrow. We'll be home by dinner time."

"Are you bringing me a present?" she asked.

"We aren't really by any stores here sweetheart, so I wasn't planning on it." Olivia said, shaking her head. She saw Elliot looking at her and she covered the receiver with her hand, mouthing what Elise had just asked.

"Well you can buy me something when you get home."

"Elise…" Olivia said, disapproval in her tone.

"OK Mommy." Elise said, obviously catching on to her mother's tone and trying to avoid a lecture. "Mo wants to talk to you."

"Elise! Wait!" Olivia said, but it was too late. Elise had already handed the phone to Maureen because Olivia heard her on the other end.

"Hey, sorry about McDonalds. I know you don't like her to eat too much fast food…"

"It's fine Maureen. Is everything going OK?"

"Yeah. She plays hard but then she crashes hard."

"Your dad and I really appreciate this."

"Are you having a good time?" Maureen asked.

"Yes. It's very quiet here. Very relaxing." Olivia said. "Just what we needed."

"Then I'm glad we could help out. We're having a good time." Maureen said. "Your apartment is a lot nicer than ours."

Olivia laughed. "Well, I'm a lot older than you. Your time will come."

"Yeah. I know. Still, it's nice to pretend it's ours!" Maureen said. "No need to rush back." She teased.

"We'll be back about dinner time tomorrow." Olivia said. "Don't move in completely."

Maureen laughed. "We'll see you then."

"Can you put Elise back on the phone?" Olivia asked.

Elliot had a chance to talk to Elise but it was brief. When he hung up, Olivia raised an eyebrow, wondering about the brevity of the conversation. He shrugged. "It was her turn in Pretty Princess."

Olivia shook her head and laughed. "It's nice to be missed."

They had a quiet dinner and spent their evening much like they'd spent the rest of the day. Talking, snuggling together, reading…and then talking some more. Before they knew it, it was midnight and they turned in reluctantly, not wanting this perfect day to end.

The next day, Elliot surprised Olivia with breakfast in bed and he climbed into bed next to her, stealing a slice of bacon off her plate and taking the offered forkful of eggs.

"You're not eating?" she asked between bites, hungrily wolfing down the food on her plate.

"I'll get some when I refill your plate." He teased. He slid off the bed and walked into the kitchen, returning with a plate of his own. He climbed back on the bed and sat facing her while he ate his breakfast. When she was done, he scraped half of his eggs on her plate and laughed as she dug into them.

"Hey, I'm eating for two." She said, noticing the smile on his face.

"I didn't say anything." He said, sliding a piece of bacon onto her plate too. "So what do you want to do today?" he asked. "It looks like it warmed up a little."

Olivia shrugged. "Maybe we can do into town and see what's there." They had looked at the map and found there was a small town not far away and it had piqued their interest.

"That sounds like fun. We can check out some of the shops and then grab some lunch…"

"Funny."

"I'm serious." Elliot said. He grabbed her plate. "Get dressed!" he said over his shoulder as he walked out of the bedroom.

EOEOEOEO

The town was charming, with lots of little shops that appealed to a lot of people…but not particularly to people that didn't like shopping. Like Olivia. Still, they wandered through each one, and picked up a puzzle and a stuffed bear for Elise and a few board books for the baby.

They found a little local diner and sat down to order lunch. Once they had placed their order, they settled in.

"So how did you and Kathy pick names for your kids?" Olivia asked. She'd been thinking about names off and on since she'd asked Elliot about naming their son after his father.

Elliot shrugged. "I don't know. Kathy named Maureen. I named Kathleen because I wanted to name her after her mother. Then with the twins…I always wanted to name a son Richard after a hero of mine. Kathy picked Elizabeth."

"So you didn't write down a list of names and then go through them?" Olivia asked, taking a sip of tea.

"Not really. I mean, we threw some names out there and there were some she liked and some she didn't. Same for me. But one name just seemed to fit when they were born." He looked up at her. "How did you choose Elise?"

"I wanted her name to be something close to yours. So I'd always have a little El running around." Olivia shrugged. At first, she hadn't been sure of having a similar name; she thought maybe it would be too hard. But then when she was born, the name she had selected seemed to fit; just like Elliot had said. And it gave her joy to have her little El.

Elliot nodded. He had assumed it had been something like that.

"What do you think of Matthew Joseph Stabler?" Olivia asked. That name had been the one that stuck with her but she wasn't sold on it.

"I like it."

"You didn't even think about it." Olivia said, shaking her head.

"OK, I'll think about it."

Olivia wadded up her napkin and threw it at him. "You're impossible."

Elliot laughed. "You told me to think about it, so I will." He said, grabbing her hand before she could throw something else at him. "But I do like it."

"Then we'll put it on the list." Olivia said.

"There's a list?"

Olivia lobbed a sugar packet at him with her other hand and hit him square on the nose. She laughed out loud and Elliot shook his head.

"Lucky shot."

The waitress delivered their food before a true contest could begin but Elliot looked over at Olivia, happy to see such a huge smile on her face. It was absolutely amazing what this weekend away had done and he made a mental note to make sure they had more times like this. That they remembered to take care of themselves. Especially Olivia. Things were only get tougher once the baby was born, and Olivia gave to everyone else before she took any time for herself. He had to make sure they made that a priority as well.

Olivia saw Elliot grinning at her and she blushed slightly. The way he looked at her sometimes….

"Eat your lunch." She teased, looking down at her food.

"This has been one of the best weekends I've had in a long time." He said.

Olivia nodded, giving him a smile. "Agreed."

EOEOEOEO

They got back to the city a little later than planned and were in the elevator just a few minutes after 7. Elliot unlocked the door and held it open for Olivia and she dropped her bag just inside the door. She saw a young man jump up off the couch, and she assumed this was Sam. He clicked off the TV, and came around the couch towards them as Elliot closed the door behind them.

"Hey there. I'm Sam." He said sticking his hand out towards Olivia.

She smiled and took his hand, shaking it quickly. "I'm Olivia."

He nodded and then stuck his hand out to Elliot. "Mr. Stabler." Elliot raised his eyebrows and Olivia shot him a look, as if telling him to be nice.

Elliot took the kids hands, sizing him up. He guessed he was about 6 feet tall. He had sandy brown hair and green eyes and was of average build. Nothing extraordinary about him, but Elliot would have to agree he was a pretty good looking kid. Elliot could tell he was nervous and there was a part of him that was glad to see that the kid had a healthy dose of fear and respect of him. He saw Olivia roll her eyes as she walked into the apartment.

"Where are the girls?" she asked, turning back towards Sam.

"Maureen is giving Elise a bath." Sam said, nodding his head down towards the hallway.

Olivia looked over at Elliot. "I'm going to go check on them and say hi." She said as she started down the hallway.

"I'm right behind you." Elliot said, setting down the extra bags.

"Actually…Mr. Stabler…can I talk to you for a minute?"

Elliot and Olivia froze. They both turned to face Sam, and saw him standing with both hands stuffed in his pockets. He was shifting his weight from one foot to the other and Olivia looked up at Elliot.

"I'm just going to go…" Olivia pointed down the hallway. She shot one last look at Elliot and saw the terrified expression on his face, and she knew then that he knew exactly what was coming. She turned and walked down the hallway, intent on finding Elise and Maureen.

She knocked on the master bathroom door and then let herself in. She saw Maureen sitting next to the tub and Elise spreading colored foam all over the tile wall.

"Hey there." Olivia said and Elise squealed when she saw Olivia. She started to stand up in the tub and Maureen grabbed her.

"Whoa." Maureen said. "You can't stand in the tub."

Elise plopped back down and stretched her arms out to Olivia.

Olivia knelt down slowly and leaned over awkwardly. Elise pushed herself up on her knees and threw her arms around Olivia. Elise plastered a big wet kiss on her face and then brought her foamy hands to Olivia's cheeks, making all three of them laugh. Elise sat down again.

"Look at the masterpiece I'm making." she said, proceeding to work on her tile art.

Maureen handed Olivia a towel and she wiped the foam off her face and from her hair. "I'll leave you guys to catch up." She said, starting to push herself up.

Olivia put a hand on her knee and stopped her. "I think you should stay here for a few minutes." She said with a smile.

Maureen gave her a puzzled look but sat back down. "OK." She said slowly, still looking confused.

Olivia debated what she should say, but if Sam was talking to Elliot, she assumed Mo and Sam had been talking about marriage. "Sam asked to talked to your Dad."

A wide smile broke out on Maureen's face. "He did?"

"Things must be serious." Olivia said.

"Yeah." Maureen said. Her smile faded. "God, I hope Dad isn't being…Dad."

That made Olivia laugh. "You know he is. He can't help it."

"Sam's a good guy. I really love him." Mo said, blushing slightly, embarrassed by her admission.

"I'm happy for the two of you." Olivia said, squeezing Maureen's knee.

Maureen looked up at her shyly. "Is this how you feel…about my Dad?"

Olivia smiled. "Yeah."

"I always heard my mom accusing Dad of falling in love with you, before they were divorced and after. And I never really understood how he could let that happen. I didn't understand it until I fell in love with Sam. I mean…really understand it."

Olivia wasn't quite sure what to say in response.

Maureen shrugged. "You love who you love."

Olivia was still a little speechless when they heard a knock at the door. Olivia had left it ajar, and the both looked up and saw Elliot standing there. Maureen scrambled up.

"Hi Dad."

Olivia could hear a small tremor in her voice.

"Hey baby." He reached out and gave her a hug as she walked over to him. He nodded his head towards the hall. "I think there's someone that wants to talk to you."

Maureen kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks Dad." She said excitedly as she started to move past him. He snagged her arm and she turned back to look at him.

"I'm happy for you Mo. He seems like a decent kid." He released her arm and she disappeared from sight.

"Daddy!" Elise yelled and Olivia reached out to keep her seated in the tub.

"Looks like you got slimed." He said, looking at Olivia. "What's going on princess?" He grabbed a towel. "Ready to get out of the tub?" He stepped around Olivia and reached down and grabbed her under the arms. He lifted her up and out of the tub, setting her on the mat. He wrapped the big fluffy towel around her and picked her up. "Let's get your pajamas on." He leaned down and grasped Olivia's arm, helping her up.

They started across the hall towards Elise's room.

"Are we going to have another wedding in our future?" Olivia asked, watching his face to try to gauge his reaction.

Elliot sighed. "I think so. He asked me for my blessing." He smiled. "I didn't think kids did that anymore."

"But you're glad he did." Olivia said. She knew Sam had scored big points with Elliot for that move, and she wondered if it had been Maureen's idea or Sam's.

"Yeah." He said, setting Elise down on her bed.

"I want my Ariel nightgown." Elise said as Elliot dried her off.

"She seems really happy." Olivia said as she dug in Elise's dresser drawers.

"He seems to be head over heels for her." Elliot said. "He was nervous as hell but he couldn't stop smiling when he talked about her." He took the nightgown from Olivia and tugged it over her head and helped her feed her arms through the sleeves.

He looked down at his youngest daughter, and couldn't help but picture Maureen at that age. It went so quickly. He leaned in and kissed Elise on her nose. "Hey kiddo. Did you know that you're not ever allowed to have a boyfriend?"

Elise giggled. "I already have a boyfriend Daddy."

Elliot rolled his eyes and looked over at Olivia. "Of course you do."


	82. Chapter 82

Olivia watched Elliot and Elise sitting around the coffee table playing Pretty, Pretty Princess. It was currently Elise's favorite, and no one that walked through the door was immune from playing a round or two. For some reason, Elliot was her favorite challenger, and Olivia wished she had a camera to take a photo of him with the purple clip-on earrings dangling from his lobes. She adjusted herself in her chair and took another sip of tea, stifling a smile as he donned a matching necklace.

Olivia was happy with the way things were going. They had settled into a rhythm since they had come back from the Catskills, and she could scarcely believe it had been five weeks since they had gone away. She had been seeing her therapist and the sessions seemed to be helping; her nightmares were becoming more infrequent and she wasn't startled by every strange man that spoke to her. The DA had decided not to charge her, and new neighbors had moved in to Crenshaw's newly renovated apartment next door. Sam had proposed to Maureen, and their wedding was planned for the following September.

Despite Elliot's questions, she had decided to leave their wedding plans in place. Frankly, she was just getting too big now, she felt like she was exhausted all the time, and just working and spending time with her family was all she could handle. She didn't want to take on anything else. She wasn't even sure how the wedding in _March_ was going to happen. But she was thankful that Kathleen's and Elizabeth's planning attentions were now focused on Maureen. She'd engage them again _after_ the baby was born.

Olivia idly paged through a catalog, looking for a few last minute gifts. Christmas was less than a week away; she knew she didn't have time to order anything, but getting out was such a challenge. They were going to have all the kids there on Christmas Day, and while they agreed to keep gifts to a minimum, she wanted each child to have something to open. And she needed something for Sam.

She heard a small squeal and looked up to see Elise stealing the jeweled crown from her father's head. He pretended to be grumpy about it and Olivia saw the look of extreme satisfaction on her daughter's face.

"El, don't be a poor sport." She said.

Elliot turned his head to look at her, a pout still plastered on his face. "She took my crown."

Olivia laughed. "I was talking to Elise."

"Mama, you're _'sposed_ to be happy when you get the crown." Elise said, as if Olivia couldn't possibly understand the intricacies of the game.

"I know that honey, but you don't have to be so…" Olivia shook her head. She couldn't think of the right word. "Never mind." She saw Elise put her hands on her hips. She pressed her lips together and gave her daughter a stern look. "Like that." She said. She saw Elise roll her eyes at her as her hands dropped from her hips, and Olivia wonder when she had started doing that.

Elise dropped down on the floor. "Your turn Daddy."

Elliot looked back at Olivia, and she saw a smirk on his face. "Fine. Encourage her. But then you can deal with her." Olivia said, but she had a smile on her face too.

"Oh." Olivia grunted, her hand moving quickly to her stomach. "I have to deal with this one." She was a little over 32 weeks along; only 8 weeks left. The doctor had said that she wouldn't let her go over, and that depending on the estimated size of the baby, they might induce her between 37 and 39 weeks. With how she was feeling, five more weeks would be just fine. She loved being pregnant…but the last several weeks with Elise had been tough. She imagined this would be the same, especially considering there was a lot more on her plate this time around.

Olivia looked at her watch. "Hey, finish up the game. It's time for bed."

"Ahhhh mo…o…o…m." Elliot and Elise moaned in unison.

Olivia pushed herself up off the chair and headed over to where they were sitting. "Tell you what. You guys play as long as you want. I'm going to bed."

"Yay!" Elise said, popping up and wrapping her arms around Olivia, resting her head against her belly. Elise lifted her head and placed a few kisses on her belly. "Nighty-night baby." She said, making smooching sounds.

Olivia put her hands on Elise's shoulders. "OK. OK."

Elliot stood up and pulled her into a hug. "You're really going to bed? Without me?"

Olivia kissed him gently. "Get your crown back and we can talk. I don't fraternize with commoners."

Elliot gave her a goofy grin and then knelt back down on the floor. "Alright Elise. Daddy's turn."

EOEOEOEOEO

The apartment was full and there was a buzz in the air from the various conversations going on. Elliot and Olivia stood at the kitchen counter, taking it all in. Dickie was sprawled across the couch and Elizabeth was trying to push his legs to the side to make room to sit down. Maureen was sitting in one of the chairs and Kathleen was sitting on the coffee table in front of her, talking animatedly. Sam was sitting in the chair next to her, watching the argument between Dick and Liz. Don was sitting at the table with Elise on one knee while they talked to Munch who was seated across from them.

They had already had dinner and Elliot and Olivia were trying to clean up a little before they opened presents. Elise had already made a haul with a visit from Santa on Christmas Eve, and Olivia felt sorry for everyone as the trailed in this afternoon; they'd been subjected to a show of all her new toys.

Olivia stifled a yawn. Elise had been so excited about Santa that morning that she'd jumped on their bed and woken them up at 5AM.

"Why don't you go sit down and I'll finish up." Elliot said, pushing her gently towards the living room. He had tried to talk her out of helping in the first place; he knew she must be tired after getting up so early and all of the prep today.

Olivia thought about objecting, but decided she really needed to sit down. She rounded the counter and walked to the table, lowering herself into the chair next to Don.

Cragen stopped talking and looked over at her with a look of concern. "You OK?"

Olivia gave him a smile and put her hand over his as it rested on the table between them. "I'm fine." Don shook his head at her pat answer, but she knew he wouldn't push it.

Elliot finished cleaning up the kitchen and came, swinging his arms wide and clapping them together loudly, startling everyone into silence. "Who's up for some gift opening?" He loved how the kid's eyes lit up, despite the fact that most of them were adults. He reached over and scooped Elise off Don's lap and crashed down in front of the tree. He grabbed a Santa hat and stuck it on his head and then turned to Elise. "Are you going to be Santa's helper?"

Elise nodded enthusiastically as she scrambled off his lap, and Elliot reached over and grabbed another Santa hat. He stuck it down over her curls and Elise was dancing in place with excitement. Everyone pushed the chairs back and Sam moved to give Olivia the more comfortable chair. He sat down at Maureen's feet and Kathleen sat down on the loveseat. They formed an uneven semi-circle facing the tree and Elise told Elliot to pick out a present.

"Get that big one Daddy!" Elise said, still buzzing with excitement.

Elliot reached for a big, square box and was surprised to feel that it was relatively light. He'd be lying if he said he knew what was in any of these wrapped packages. He reminded himself to thank Olivia again later on for doing all the shopping.

He grabbed the tag to read who it was for, but Elise tugged at the box. "I can read it! I can!"

Elliot held the box steady while Elise studied the tag, but it was obvious she couldn't read the scrawl on the tag. "It's for Liz." He said, nudging her towards the spot Liz was sitting. Elise gave the present to Liz and went running back to Elliot. This went on for several minutes until everyone had a package in their hands, including Munch and Cragen.

"So how do we want to do this?" Olivia asked. "Take turns or all at once?" She looked around the room and saw the all of the kids looking around too. This was the first Christmas they had all spent together, and she could tell they didn't know quite what to do. She smiled. "Everybody…go for it!"

There was the sound of paper tearing and kids laughing as they all ripped into their presents. There was screams and thank you's and Olivia was grinning from ear-to-ear.

Elliot watched it all from his spot on the floor, and he saw the look of pure joy on Olivia's face. He knew she probably had never had a Christmas like this. At the most, it had been her and Elise. This…the noise and chaos and the laughter…was the sound of pure joy. The sound of family. He was so glad they were here.

The rest of the night flew by, with dessert and a rousing game of B.S., with Elise trying to follow the card game and trying to learn the art of deception from her siblings. Munch and Don said good night a few hours later, and they got everyone settled. Liz bunked with Elise, Maureen and Kathleen slept in the spare room, and Sam and Dick crashed in the living room.

Olivia sighed as she walked into their bedroom. She sat down on the edge of the bed, looking up as Elliot walked into the room.

"I don't know if anyone is actually going to sleep yet, but at least their all where they're supposed to be."

Olivia smiled. She knew he was really talking about the fact that Sam and Maureen we're in separate rooms; despite the fact that they practically lived together, he'd made it clear they wouldn't be sleeping together here.

Old-fashioned.

Elliot sat down on the end of the bed and turned his body so he was behind her. He placed his hands on her shoulders, squeezing lightly. He leaned in and whispered into her ear. "Today was great." He whispered. "Everyone had a great time and the kids loved their presents." He placed a kiss on her neck while he continued to massage her shoulders. "Thank you." He kept is voice quiet.

"It's not like I did it all by myself." Olivia said, biting back a moan at how great his massage felt.

"Pretty much. You planned the menu, got the food, bought all the presents, and wrapped them all."

"Well…if this shoulder massage is payback, then yes, I did all the work." She let her head drop back slightly.

"I feel like you deserve something special for making this such a wonderful Christmas for our family."

Olivia lifted her head and opened her eyes to look at him. His hands fell from her shoulders. "Today was a lot of fun. I've never had a Christmas like that…"

"I know." He said, remembering the delight on her face when all the kids were gathered around and opening their presents. "But it's not over yet."

Olivia furrowed her brow. "What?"

Elliot hopped off the bed and opened the top dresser drawer. He turned around with a small box in his hand, tied with a red ribbon tied into a bow. He stretched out his arm, the box laying on his flattened palm. "Merry Christmas Olivia."

"I didn't get you anything." She said, shaking her head. "We said we weren't going to exchange gifts."

"I couldn't help it. I saw this and I thought it would look beautiful on you."

He sat back down on the end of the bed and Olivia turned to face him. Elliot held out his hand again, and Olivia took the box from him, giving him a shy smile. "You shouldn't have." She said.

Elliot put his hands over hers, which were still holding the box. "I love you Liv. Merry Christmas."

He lifted his hands from hers. "Open it." He said, suddenly feeling nervous. It has seemed perfect when he'd seen it in the window. Olivia wasn't flashy; she didn't wear a lot of jewelry and now he wondered if she'd like it.

Olivia pulled on the ribbon and it fell from the box. She lifted the lid and saw a thin gold chain with a diamond pendant. It was simple and elegant and she gasped when she saw it. "I love it." She said, staring at it with awe in her voice. "It's beautiful."

"A beautiful necklace for a beautiful woman."

She looked up at him with a small smile on her face.

"I know. I'm a sap." Elliot said with a grin.

"You're a romantic." Olivia said. She knew that when Elliot said things like that, he meant them. But sometimes she couldn't help smiling at his comments. She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. "I love you too. Merry Christmas."

Elliot took the box from her hand and removed the necklace. He unclasped the chain and reached around her neck. Olivia lifted her hair and Elliot clasped the necklace and sat back. Olivia dropped her hair and fingered the necklace resting against her chest.

"How does it look?"

Elliot smiled. "It's perfect."

EOEOEOEOEO

Things had settled down in the week between Christmas and New Year's and Elliot even commented on how well behaved the rapists and pervs were being. He'd been home for dinner every night, and he was glad because Olivia was getting more and more uncomfortable as the weeks ticked by. He was practically tucking her into bed every night before Elise.

They had decided to stay in for New Year's Eve despite an invitation to a party at Casey's and offers for babysitting.

"Are you sure you don't mind staying home?" Olivia asked. She knew it wasn't much fun for him, but she was just too uncomfortable. She felt like nothing fit her and that all you could see when you looked at her was baby. She swore she was much bigger than she was with Elise, and she didn't even want to look at the profile photos Elliot insisted on taking each week.

"You're the only one I'm going to kiss at midnight, so it doesn't really matter where we are." He said, wrapping an arm around her as they sat on the couch.

Olivia settled back against him and lay her head on his shoulder. "Do we have to wait until midnight?" she asked.

"You don't think you can stay up until then?"

"No." she laughed. "I just meant that I didn't want to have to wait until then."

Elliot laughed. "Oh, I completely misread that." He leaned over and kissed her gently. "No, you don't have to wait." He pressed his lips against hers again and Olivia turned slightly, sliding her tongue into his mouth.

Olivia broke the kiss suddenly, and her hands flew to her belly, massaging the skin where her belly met her hips. She let out a low grunt and leaned over slightly.

"Are you OK?" Elliot asked, concern in his voice. "Are you having a contraction?"

Olivia shook her head. "No. Just false ones. Braxton-Hicks." She kept her hands moving against her lower belly. "I've been having them for the past few days." She purposefully hadn't told him because she knew he'd worry. She wondered if Kathy had ever had them; she was assuming she had.

"It'll be fine." Elliot said. "I wish you would have told me." He said. "Did you have them with Elise?"

Olivia nodded. "Yeah, but a little closer to my due date. I even went to the hospital because I thought I was in labor." She said, remembering her drive to the ER in a panic, only to be sent home again. "I'm not going to make that mistake again."

Elliot knit his brows together. "But you're going to tell me if they become more frequent, aren't you?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Please don't worry." She placed her hand under his jaw. "Are you going to talk, or are you going to kiss me?"

"I'm no fool." He said, leaning in and capturing her lips again.

Two hours later, the clock struck midnight, and Olivia was sound asleep in his arms. Elliot kissed the top of her head. "Happy New Year." He whispered, laying his head back and closing his eyes, thinking about all they had to look forward to in the new year.


	83. Chapter 83

Elliot was standing at the sink, getting ready to brush his teeth. He could see Olivia in the mirror as she walked into the bathroom behind him, moving slowly with her hand on her lower back.

"You know, they say that having sex can bring on labor." Elliot supplied helpfully. She was 36 weeks along at this point, and Elliot knew she was counting the days.

Olivia shot him a look, barely able to keep herself from rolling her eyes. She'd barely slept a wink, unable to find a position she was comfortable in, and just when she thought she might be able to fall asleep, she'd had to get up to use the bathroom. Her belly was huge; she'd gained 3 pounds in just the last week, and she had never felt more unattractive then she did right now. The bedhead and dark circles under her eyes only made it worse. She stood in place, eyeing him in the mirror as she continued to massage her lower back. "You're serious." She said, making it partly a question and partly a statement.

Elliot gave her a small smirk. "I'm always serious when it comes to sex." He turned around and leaned back against the bathroom counter. "That body pillow you bought has spent more time next to you then I have." He knew she was uncomfortable and cranky, and he was trying to lighten the mood a little, but he also did miss snuggling up next to her at night. And they hadn't had sex in a couple of weeks. He knew she was exhausted and he understood, but he still missed it. He didn't know why she didn't believe him when he said he thought she was sexier than ever.

"Well, excuse me for not thinking about _your_ needs." She snapped. She knew she was being a bitch, but she couldn't seem to help it. This pregnancy was really taking its toll on her body; _young_ people should have babies. Not people that could or should be getting ready for grandchildren in the next few years. The term _advanced maternal age_ popped into her head and just made her crabbier. "You want to do it right here?" She motioned towards the counter. "Or I could just drop down…"

"Liv!" Elliot interjected before she could even finish what she was going to say. He took a step towards her. "You know that's not what I meant." He closed the gap between them and slid his hand into her hair, wrapping his fingers around the back of her neck. He kissed the crown of her head. "I know you're miserable and are just ready for this pregnancy to be over. There's lots of old wives' tales woven in with some truth on how to bring on labor. I was just trying…"

"I know." She said quietly, wrapping her hand around his arm. "I'm sorry I'm being such a bitch." She felt a couple of tears trail down her face. "I'm just so tired El. And I just ache _everywhere_."

Elliot put his forehead against hers and massaged the back of her neck. "Don't apologize. I'm sorry." He whispered.

Olivia rested her hands on his waist. "I can't even hug you anymore."

"Sure you can." He wrapped his arms around her and pressed up against her, sandwiching her belly between them as best he could. "See?" He was certain it made quite the sight, with his butt sticking out as he bent his body to accommodate hers.

Olivia buried her face in his shoulder. "You're a saint to put up with me." She said.

Elliot pulled back from her and rested his hands on her shoulders. "Put up with you?" He shook his head. "Olivia, you're giving me one of the greatest gifts and I've loved every second of it. The good and the bad." He didn't want to bring up the fact that he had missed her pregnancy with Elise, but that was one reason he cherished this one so much. "I'm just sorry that you're so miserable."

"I'm not miserable." She said, feeling guilty for whining. For the most part, she had really enjoyed her pregnancy. She knew she was lucky that she'd even been able to conceive. "I don't mean to sound so ungrateful. It's amazing that we even got pregnant."

"Shhh." Elliot kissed her forehead. "I know. It's OK. You're allowed to complain a little. It's got to be rough."

"It's just these last few weeks…" She said with a heavy sigh. She knew he understood that she wouldn't trade this for anything in the world.

"We'll get through it." He said. "Now why don't you take a nice, long shower and I'll make you breakfast and then we'll see what we feel like doing today." He had planned on the three of them going out today, but was rethinking that. Maybe he just needed to take Elise out of the apartment today, and let Olivia rest.

EOEOEOEOEO

Elise was seated at the table, happily digging into the small stack of chocolate chip pancakes in front of her, when Olivia walked into the room.

"Mama!"

Olivia smiled when she saw Elise's face light up.

"Daddy made me chocolate chip pancakes." She stood up on her chair. "And they're all different shapes!"

Olivia looked over at Elliot, who was flipping another batch of pancakes on the griddle. "Wow." She said. "Chocolate for breakfast." She smiled as she lowered herself into the chair at the end of the table. She reached out her arm to her right and grasped Elise's arm. "Sit down please. I don't want any trips to the emergency room today." Elise plopped down and stabbed at her pancakes with her fork.

"Your stack is coming right up." Elliot said. He walked around the counter and set a glass of orange juice in front of Olivia. He leaned over, brushed back her damp hair, and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"I want a kiss Daddy!" Elise said, standing up on her chair again.

"Hey, what did your mom say?" Elliot scolded playfully. He came around behind Olivia as Elise dropped back to her knees, and placed a kiss on her forehead, making a loud smacking sound as he did.

A few minutes later, he was sitting at the table with them, and they dug into their breakfast together. They discussed potential plans for the day, ruling out anything outdoors due to the early cold January temps. They discussed museums, movies and bowling and Olivia tried to sound enthusiastic, it all sounded overwhelming in one way or another.

"What d'ya think Liv?" Elliot asked. He wanted to leave it up to her, but as he looked up at her, he caught the expression on her face. He looked over at Elise. "Hey princess." He said, trying to get Elise's attention. When she looked up at him, he continued. "How about just you and me go do something today and let Mommy rest?"

"I don't want to go without Mommy." She said with a pout. She crossed her arms across her chest. "That dumb bunny baby brother is taking all the fun away."

"Elise!" Elliot said sharply. "Don't talk about your brother…or your mother…that way." He reprimanded.

"Mommy doesn't want to play anymore and I just have to play by myself."

Olivia knew Elise was being dramatic; there was rarely a day that went by that either she or Elliot were playing make-believe, working on a craft project or playing a game. Most of the time, it was all three of them. She could count on one hand the times she'd had to tell her daughter that she couldn't do something with her.

Maybe she was just starting to realize that her life was about to change.

"Honey. You know that's not true." Olivia said, reaching out for her daughter. She wanted to reassure her that she was always going to be there for her.

"Enough!" Elliot said, standing up abruptly. "I told you not to talk back." He said, obviously not going with understanding as Olivia was. Olivia looked at him sharply; he was overreacting and she gave him a look that let him know she thought so.

Elise stood up on her chair and clapped her hands over her ears. "You're not the boss of me!" she yelled and Olivia turned quickly to look at her young daughter, surprised by her outburst.

"Elise!" she said, reaching out towards her.

"That's it." Elliot said, coming around the table.

Olivia watched as he snatched Elise off her chair, and for a moment, she wondered if Elliot was going to spank her. Elise let out a scream as she dropped her hands from her ears. She kicked her legs as Elliot started across the room.

"That's enough. You'll sit in your room until you can learn to control your temper. And your mouth."

Olivia could hear Elise crying and screaming in anger, and then she heard her door shut firmly. A few seconds later, she saw Elliot walking back into the room. She could see the anger etched on his face.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked, her eyebrows furrowed together.

"She's got to learn that she can't say whatever she wants."

"She's 4! I was trying to talk to her and you just rip her out of her chair and throw her in her room!" Olivia said. She was a little angry about how he had handled the whole thing.

"That child gets away with a lot of shit and I'm sick of it."

" _You're_ sick of it? _You're_ sick of it?" Olivia struggled to stand up and she brushed Elliot's hand away when he tried to help her. "The last time I checked, she has _two_ parents. And _we_ decide how to discipline our daughter." She could hear Elise sobbing in her bedroom.

"Is that so?" Elliot said, angry that she was upset with him for providing a little discipline. "Have you forgotten that for the first four years, I didn't get any say at all?" He couldn't believe those words had come out of his mouth. He wished he could take them back, especially when he saw the look on Olivia's face. He thought she might look less hurt if he had actually slapped her.

"You son of a… Olivia seethed, fisting her hands.

The ringing of a phone diverted their attention and Olivia stopped in mid-sentence. They both stared at Elliot's cell phone it as it vibrated and rang on the table; both recognizing Cragen's ringtone.

"You'd better get that." Olivia said, her tone low and laced with anger. She turned away from him, but Elliot grabbed her arm to stop her. She halted for a moment and noticed the phone had stopped ringing. She heard Elise crying and calling for her, dragging out the word 'mommy' between sobs.

Elliot dropped his hand from her arm when she stopped, but at that moment, his phone started ringing again. Elliot broke eye contact with her as he snagged his phone off the table and he could hear her move away from him.

"Stabler." He barked into the phone. He turned and watched as Olivia walked down the hallway, wondering how their Sunday morning had deteriorated so quickly.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia opened Elise's door and found her sprawled out on her bed with her arms thrown out to the side. Her face was red and tear-stained, and her little chest was heaving as she sobbed. Olivia closed the door behind her and walked over to the bed, lowering herself until she was sitting next to Elise.

Elise opened her eyes and looked up at Olivia, a fresh batch of tears streaming down her face. "Mommy." She sobbed. Olivia swept her hair back from her face; it was matted to her forehead from sweat and tears.

"It's OK baby." She said, talking in a low, soothing tone. She continued stroking her forehead and her cheek and making low, comforting sounds until the tears started to slow. Eventually she stopped and rolled over on her side towards Olivia. She ran her hand down her back and started rubbing her back in small circles. She saw Elise's eyes droop closed. She hiccupped a few times before her breathing slowed down. A few minutes later, she was sound asleep.

Olivia looked down at her little girl as she lay sleeping, and continued rubbing her back. She tried to dissect what had happened this morning. She knew Elise had a strong personality; what some people would call spirited. But besides being a little sassy, she really was pretty well-behaved. Olivia had been fairly consistent in her rules with Elise those first four years, trying to contain the energy and deal with her tantrums and her temper with a balanced approach. If anything, Elliot was the one that let the rules slide a little; maybe making up for lost time.

She and Elliot had never really had a conversation about discipline; mostly because it had never come up. Which is what made her most angry about what had happened. And to bring up the years he had missed…that was below the belt. That started to make her angry all over again; he had promised that was forgiven and left in the past.

She heard the apartment door close and realized he had left. Without saying a word. Her anger quickly turned to tears and she found herself crying and wishing she could start this entire day over again.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot muttered under his breath all the way into the office. He was upset at how angry he'd gotten this morning. He knew he had overreacted, but he'd only wanted Olivia to rest. To have a quiet day. When Elise started fighting it, he knew Olivia would give in and go with them. He knew she was feeling slightly guilty about Elise's impending sisterhood, and that her attention would be divided. She drove herself to be a better mother than her mother was…and for some reason, she refused to believe that she already had. By a long shot.

By the time he reached the squad room, he realized he owed her an apology, and he rued leaving without settling things between them. He picked up his phone to call her, but Cragen and Tony were waiting for him, along with Munch and Fin. Elliot knew it must be bad if the entire crew was called in, and he braced himself for the horror that was to come.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia watched Elise sleep for a few minutes longer, and swiped at the tears on her face. She pushed herself up, and felt one of the contractions she'd been dealing with for weeks. She pressed her hands on her lower belly, and waited for it to pass. When it had, she walked back out into the living room and saw the mess in the dining room from their quickly abandoned breakfast. She sighed heavily, and started cleaning up the mess.

It took her a half an hour to clear the table, load the dishwasher and put the extra food away. She was closing the refrigerator door when another contraction hit, and she swore under her breath. She didn't need this annoyance right now. She rubbed her belly. "Let's not mess with Mommy today baby boy." She said. "It's been a long day already and I just need some peace and quiet."

She started walking into the living area, and saw her cell phone sitting on the counter. She picked it up and checked to see if she had any messages, and was disappointed to see she didn't. She considered calling him; she didn't like fighting with him. And she especially didn't like it when he went off to work…when something could happen to him and things were left unsaid. Unsettled.

She knew he was on a case, and that she shouldn't bother him. She decided she'd wait a while and see if she heard from him. She settled on the couch, and picked up her book. She read, and re-read the first few pages and set the book down with a huff. Her concentration was shot. The remote was lying on the table in front of her and she snatched it up, turning on the TV. She was paging through the channels when she heard a little voice.

"Mommy?"

She looked over and saw Elise standing at the entrance to the hallway, clutching a stuffed dog in one arm and rubbing her eyes with the other.

"Can I come out of my room now?" she said in a small voice.

Olivia felt horrible at how timid her normally boisterous child seemed. She held out her arms. "Of course baby. Come here."

Elise trudged over and climbed up on the couch next to her mother. Olivia moved over as best she could to make room for her and Elise lay down next to her. Olivia wrapped her arms around her and Elise snuggled against her.

"Daddy yelled at me and his voice was mad." She said.

Olivia stroked her hair. "I know sweetie." She didn't want to speak for Elliot but she could tell that Elise was confused. And if she was honest, Elise had been a little more sassy than usual. "Daddy was trying to tell you something and you weren't listening."

"He squeezed me up and put me in my room and shut the door."

Olivia continued to rub her back and stroke her hair, letting her talk through what had happened. She knew she was still being a little dramatic; this wasn't the first time she'd been sent to her room. But it probably was the first time she'd really seen Elliot lose his temper. And Olivia knew that had frightened Elise.

She tensed up as she felt another contraction, and her free hand reached for her belly.

"Is that brother kicking your tummy again?" Elise asked, sitting up.

"No." Actually, when she thought about it, the baby had been quiet all morning.

Elise put her hands on Olivia's stomach and rubbed gently. "Brother…don't hurt my mommy."

Olivia put her hand on Elise's back. "He's not hurting me El."

Elise looked skeptical but Olivia reassured her.

"I promise."

Elise smiled at her and Olivia was glad to see she had been distracted from the drama this morning.

"Can we watch a movie?" Elise asked with a small smile on her face, and Olivia laughed at her blatant manipulation. Elise knew the answer to the question before she asked. She made a mental note to tell Casey. Maybe Elise could be a prosecutor when she grew up.

Strike that. She didn't want her daughter in the business _at all_. She didn't want this ugliness to touch her more than it already did.

"Mommy." Elise said, placing one palm on either side of Olivia's face. "Are you list'ning to me?"

"Yes. And yes, we can watch a movie. Pick one out."

Elise scrambled off the couch and ran over to the cabinet where they stored the movies. "Can I watch whatever movie I want?"

"Any of your movies." She said. She wasn't going to let her get off on a technicality and pull out something she shouldn't watch. Olivia pushed herself up and swung her legs off the couch. She popped in the movie and watched as Elise climbed back up on the couch.

"I'm hungry." She said and Olivia realized she hadn't eaten much of her breakfast. She walked into the kitchen and put together a small snack for Elise. She got some water for herself and was walking back into the living room when she heard her phone buzz. She was about to reach for it when she felt another contraction. She dropped Elise's snack and her bottle of water on the counter and leaned over, grabbing the edge of it to balance herself.

"Shit." She muttered, trying to remember how long it had been since her last contraction. She couldn't be in labor. This had to be Braxton Hicks.

It had to be.


	84. Chapter 84

AN: Hi everyone! Thanks so much for your patience in waiting to find out what's happening. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Leave a review either way. And I apologize in advance for any medical stuff I get wrong. I'm a mother but not a doctor. Thanks!

EOEOEOEOEO

When her contraction passed, Olivia grabbed her phone from the counter. She noted the time.

10:36.

And she saw the missed call. It was from Casey, and assumed she was just checking up on her. She didn't really feel like talking; she would call her back later.

"Mommy?" Elise popped up on her knees and looked at Olivia over the back of the couch. "Are we gonna watch?"

Olivia nodded and grabbed the forgotten snack off the counter. She walked over and sat down next to Elise, handing her the bowl of grapes and her juice box and setting her cell phone on the coffee table. Olivia hit play on remote and the movie flickered to life. Elise started singing along with the opening credits, the words getting muffled by the grapes in her mouth.

They both snuggled in to watch as Elise finished up her snack and Olivia started to relax when she realized she wasn't feeling any more contractions. She kept looking over at her phone to see if she had any messages, and debated for the 100th time if she should give Elliot a call, or at least text him an apology for her part in the argument this morning. Her behavior had been off since she woke up, as evidenced by her abrupt outburst in the bathroom that morning and her anger at the breakfast table.

The scene kept replaying in her mind, and although she had been quick to defend Elise's bad behavior, she thought he'd been pretty quick to snatch Elise from her seat and send her to her room as punishment. The whole thing had escalated far beyond what should have happened. Which was surprising because things had been pretty calm.

Maybe it was her fault; getting the day off on the wrong foot with her bad attitude that morning. It just seemed like she couldn't help it. Olivia had been honest with Elliot that morning when she told him her entire body ached. She _was_ exhausted.

"Mommy? Do you think of Ariel had a baby in her tummy that it would be a girl baby or a mermaid?" Elise asked, a serious expression on her face.

Olivia smiled at her daughter. "I don't know." She didn't know how to answer. "I guess that it would be a regular baby because Ariel gave up being a mermaid didn't she?"

Elise rolled her eyes. "She can be both."

"Oh, well then I guess I don't know." Olivia confessed.

"I think it would be a mermaid baby." Elise said, after thinking about it a few seconds. She placed her hand on top of Olivia's belly. "Your stomach is really fat. When is that baby brother gonna come out?"

"Very soon." Olivia said, resting her hands on either side of the baby.

"My friend Evelyn's mom had a baby sister and she said her mom was screaming because it hurt a lot."

Olivia didn't know how to respond; she didn't know this friend or the circumstances. She decided not to try to answer and see if Elise expanded on that.

"Is that true? Does it hurt a lot?"

Olivia didn't want to lie to her. "Yeah, but the doctors give you medicine so it helps take the pain away."

"Oh." Elise rubbed her belly again. "I don't want you to have hurt Mommy."

Olivia put a hand on Elise's back and rubbed it. "I'm going to be just fine baby. You don't have to worry about me, OK? Lots of mommy's have babies and everyone if fine, right?"

Elise cocked her head to the side. "Yeah." She said slowly. "I guess that's right." She hesitated a few seconds longer. "But where does it come out?" Elise looked at Olivia's belly as if trying to figure it out. "From your belly button?"

Olivia bit back a laugh; she actually couldn't believe that Elise hadn't asked before. Or hadn't asked someone else. She was typically quite inquisitive.

She tried to think about how much to tell her young daughter. She remembered some good advice from the pediatrician. Only answer the question asked; no need to provide information they're not asking for.

"Well, the baby is going to come out between my legs."

"Where your pee comes from?" Elise made a face.

"Well, no. Not exactly." This was going to be a little more than she'd bargained for. She didn't really want to get into the whole anatomy thing. "Mommy's have something called a birth canal and that's where it goes out." She felt like that answered the question without getting into the details of the correct anatomical terms. She couldn't handle that right now.

Olivia saw Elise was making a face, so she wasn't sure if she'd answered her question. Elise looked at Olivia's belly and then up at her face. "Mommy? I don't know 'bout a birth canal but I don't think this big brother baby is going to fit between your legs."

Olivia laughed out loud while inwardly, she cringed. Out of the mouth of babes.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot and Tony had been interviewing family members, friends and neighbors of the Matteo family for the past three hours. Someone had killed both parents and take the two young children. The neighborhood, the similarity of the crime scene, the entire scenario… it all reminded him of Gitano. There was no teenaged sister, but the other kids were the same ages as Rebecca and Ryan had been. The mother and stepfather were dead in the kitchen. And there was no sign of Anthony and Maria Matteo. The only main difference is that this time, it looked likely that it was the kids father; he had a long rap sheet full of DV calls, and had lost any custody rights.

He thought about Olivia as they left their last interview. Gitano had been the case that had driven them over the edge. Almost losing each other had forced their feelings close to the surface; there had been no way to deny them any longer.

Suddenly, he desperately needed to talk to her.

He was an asshole. He'd been over the top this morning, and to leave without saying goodbye... They just didn't do that. Not anymore. Elliot looked over at Tony as the got to the sedan. "Give me a minute? I just need to make a quick call."

Tony nodded as he climbed into the car, and Elliot stood outside while he hit #1 on speed dial. He looked at his watch while the phone rang. He was surprised to see if was almost 5. Canvassing the crime scene and taking all those interviews had taken longer than he realized, and now he felt even worse about not checking in.

"Hello?"

Elliot was surprised when Elise answered the phone. Olivia didn't usually allow that. "Elise?"

"Hi Daddy!" she said brightly. "Guess what?"

Elliot didn't really have time for games right now, but he was so happy that Elise was talking to him after what happened this morning, he went along with it. "I don't know sweetie. What?"

"Mommy says I'm going to have a baby brother pretty soon."

"Yes you are. Pretty soon." Elliot smiled, glad to hear that Elise was getting excited about it instead of pouting about sharing her toys.

"Kathleen is going to stay with me because Mommy says you have to go to the hospital to have a baby. She told me that he's going to come out between her legs but I don't think that's gonna work."

Elliot laughed out loud. Obviously Elise had been full of questions today and he imagined Olivia trying to explain it to her. He wondered how much she'd told her because he knew Elise probably asked a million questions. "It'll work out. Trust me. That's how you got out." Elliot said. "We can talk some more when we get home but I really need to talk to Mommy. Can you hand her the phone?"

"No." Elise said. "She's in the bathroom and she said I can't come in there."

"Elise…" Elliot scrubbed a hand over his face. He didn't know when he'd be able to call back. "Can you just go to the bathroom door and tell Mommy that I'm on the phone?" He figured he could hold on for a minute or two while she finished up whatever she was doing, or that Elise could hand her the phone if she was taking a bath or something.

"OK, but if Mommy gets mad I'm gonna tell her it's your idea." Elise said.

Half a minute later, Elliot heard Elise knock on the bathroom door. "Mommy? Daddy's on the phone and he wants to talk to you and it was his idea that I 'sturb you when I told him I wasn't s'posed to."

Elliot heard rustling as the phone was handed off.

"Dad?"

"Kathleen?" Elliot furrowed his brow, confused as to why Kathleen was answering. He didn't have time to even consider why before Kathleen chimed in again.

"I think you'd better come home." Kathleen said and Elliot could hear a smile in her voice. "I think Stabler #6 is going to make an appearance soon."

EOEOEOEO

Elliot rushed in the front door after Tony drove him home, lights and sirens blazing. The first thing he saw was Olivia bent over the counter, her hands gripping the edge and her head bent down, obviously dealing with a contraction. He heard a low moan and his eyes darted up to Kathleen who was standing next to her.

"Liv." He said, rushing over towards her. She didn't even look up, but she held up a hand as if to tell him to back off.

"She needs to focus Dad." Kathleen supplied helpfully. "She doesn't want to be touched."

Elliot assumed that Kathleen had found that out the hard way. He nodded and gave his daughter a quick hug while he watched Olivia.

Half a minute later, Olivia straightened up a little and let out a deep breath through pursed lips. "That one was bad." She whispered.

Elliot stepped around Kathleen and put a hand on her lower back. "How long has this been going on?" he asked.

"Since this morning.' Olivia said. "I thought it was just false contractions, but by noon, I realized it might be the real thing." She'd been making lunch for Elise when another contraction had hit her, and it had been worse than the others she'd had that morning. She had called Kathleen about 3, when she couldn't hide the pain from Elise anymore and they were getting closer together. She didn't want to freak her out.

"How far apart are they?" Elliot asked, slightly annoyed that she hadn't called him. What if he hadn't called?

"Twenty minutes." Olivia said. "I was just going to call you when you called."

"You should have called me earlier." He said.

"You're on a case. There's nothing you could have done." Olivia said. "And I don't really need to argue about this right now." She knew he could go on and on about her not calling but there really had been no reason to call him any earlier. What was he going to do? Watch her have contractions?

"OK. You're right." Elliot said, not wanting to aggravate her. "I'm here now." He rubbed her back some more as she straightened up. "Are you ready to go to the hospital?"

"Pretty soon."

"OK. Where's Elise?"

"In her room." Kathleen said. "I set her up with a project in there to keep her distracted."

Elliot looked at Olivia. "I'll be right back." He walked down the hallway and opened the door to Elise's bedroom. He saw her working at the small table in her room. Something that involved construction paper, scissors, glue and markers.

"Hey El." He said quietly and she looked up from her project. He saw the solemn look on her face as she ran towards him. When she reached him, he scooped her up and she burst into tears.

"Daddy." She sobbed. "Mommy was crying and making a funny face and I think she's all hurt. I don't want her to cry." She buried her face in his shoulder. "And now Kathleen won't let me see her." Her little body was wracked with sobs and Elliot tried to soothe her, rubbing her back and placing small kisses in her hair.

"Shhh." He said. "Mommy's going to be OK. Your baby brother is getting ready to come out and sometimes it hurts a little but you know that your mom is strong. She's going to be just fine."

Elise lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him skeptically.

"I don't want that dumb brother if he's gonna hurt my mom." She said, a pout forming.

"Sweetie. That's just how it works. It was the same way when you were born."

"I hurt Mommy?" she asked and Elliot saw a new look on her face. Confusion mixed with angst.

"It's OK. That's what mommy's do. That's why they're so brave."

Elise nodded. "My mommy _is_ brave."

"She is." Elliot said.

"Can I see her?" Elise asked, placing a hand on both of Elliot's cheeks. "Please?"

Elliot nodded. "Sure. I want you to give her a hug and a kiss because we're going to go to the hospital in a few minutes. And then tomorrow you can visit and see Mommy and your new brother."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Elliot poked his head outside the door and looked down the hallway. He could see Olivia and Kathleen standing in the kitchen. Olivia was drinking a glass of water and Kathleen had one hand on her shoulder. He walked down the hallway towards the kitchen, Elise still in his arms.

"Hey. Elise just wants to give you a hug and a kiss. I told her we were going to the hospital pretty…" Before he could finish his sentence, he heard a loud groan and saw Olivia drop the glass on the counter, spilling the contents as she doubled over and let out a loud groan followed by an expletive. He could see her hands grip the counter and her knuckles were white. He stopped cold. That hadn't been 20 minutes; it couldn't have been more than ten. Maybe less.

Kathleen whipped around to look at him and he could see that she was thinking the same thing.

Olivia ducked her head low as she hunched over the counter. This contraction was really bad and she knew it had barely been ten minutes since the last one. "Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit." She muttered under her breath. Why couldn't she remember any of her breathing exercises? She could hear Elise crying, and Elliot and Kathleen talking, but it was all a distant hum as she tried to fight her way through the pain. It all came rushing back…the contractions…the pain…all of the circumstances of Elise's birth…and she was happy she wasn't going to have to do this alone.

She let out a loud grunt at the height of her contraction and then felt warm liquid running down her legs. "Shit." She said loudly and she heard the voices quiet. She turned her head to look at the three of them. "My water just broke."

They both just stood there for a second, and then Olivia saw Elliot thrust Elise into Kathleen's arms. "OK, we have to go." He rushed over to Olivia. "Can you make it to the bathroom so we can get you cleaned up before we go?"

Olivia nodded and straightened up. She took Elliot's hand and started to walk out of the kitchen. She felt bad about leaving the mess for Kathleen to clean up. She looked over at Elliot. "I'll be fine. Can you?" She nodded her head towards the puddle on the floor.

She saw Elliot debate letting her go, but he finally did. Olivia looked at Elise and her tear stained cheeks. Her poor baby. "Mommy's fine sweetie." She said, reaching out to take one of her small hands in her own. Elise tried to reach for her, but Kathleen held onto her. "I'm sorry but I can't hold you right now." She squeezed her hand and leaned over to give her a kiss. "I love you."

"I love you." Elise said and Olivia could hear the despair in her little voice. "Be brave Mommy."

Olivia gave her a small smile. "Always." She let go of Elise's hand and said mouthed a thank you to Kathleen. She honestly didn't know how they would have managed these past months without the help of Elliot's kids. Suddenly, she was hit with another contraction. She grabbed Kathleen's arm with her left hand as she grabbed her belly with her right.

"Dad!" Kathleen yelled as Olivia doubled over in pain.

Elliot rushed over to where Olivia was standing doubled over. He wrapped an arm around her waist and loosened her grip on Kathleen's arm. He motioned for Kathleen to go and he saw her take Elise back to her room. "Liv, hold on to me." He held out his left arm and Olivia dug her fingers into it. He didn't know whether he should try to move her or just wait it out, but he was panicking inside. It had been only a few minutes since her last contraction.

Kathleen came back out of the bedroom alone.

"Find Liv's phone." He barked at her and he saw her scramble to get it. "Find her doctor."

"#6" Olivia spit out. She could hear Kathleen talking but she couldn't piece together what she was saying. She moaned loudly. "El…this baby's coming." She moaned out. She had an overwhelming urge to push.

"No." Elliot said, talking quietly. "Hang in there. We're going to the hospital."

"I can't." Olivia gasped out.

Elliot could hear Kathleen talking to the doctor, telling her how quickly things had progressed. He remembered hours of labor with his other kids. A natural progression between contractions, hours and hours until they got closer and closer. Not everything happening in thirty minutes. How had they gone from contractions every twenty minutes to one every two to three?

"She says she'll meet us there." Kathleen said, holding her hand over the phone. "She said you need to leave _now_."

Olivia shook her head. Her contraction was done but she still had the urge to push. The baby was right there; she could feel it. "No. This is going to happen. Now."

Elliot snatched the phone from Kathleen's hand. "She said she needs to push. Now." He listened to the doctor and handed the phone back to Kathleen. "Call 9-1-1."

He gingerly picked Olivia up. "Hang on. An ambulance is on its way. The doctor said not to push Liv." He looked at her face as he carried her into the bedroom and saw intense concentration. "Liv, do you hear me?" He lay her down on the bed and saw her grimace. He lifted up her long t-shirt and peeled off her wet leggings and underwear. He went to her drawer to get something clean to wear.

Olivia moaned and gripped the sheets next to her, trying hard not to bear down. "I need to push." She hissed.

Elliot turned back to her and saw she had propped her legs up on the bed. "No no no." Elliot said. He didn't want this to happen here. There were too many risks, especially with her age and the fact that the baby was early. He rushed over to her. "Olivia. The doctor said not to push. C'mon. You can do this. The ambulance is on its way."

Olivia thrashed her head back and forth. "I can't. I can't."

Elliot started to panic. Her moans were long and constant now. He saw blood on the sheets and he swore silently, followed by a quick prayer. "Please God…please let them both be OK." He whispered. "Liv." He said quietly. "I'm just going to look, OK?" He'd witnessed the birth of his other four children; he knew a little of what to expect.

He looked at Olivia but she had her eyes closed and her jaw clenched. He could see tears streaming down her face and he knew it was taking everything in her to try to comply with what the doctor had said. Walked around the foot of the bed when he heard a commotion in the other room. He let out a huge sigh of relief.

"Liv! They're here." He said, rushing back to her side. Two seconds later the EMT's were in the room, firing off a bunch of questions.

Olivia let out a loud moan. She screamed, grabbing Elliot's arm and digging her fingers into the flesh. "I have to push."

One of the EMT's was examining her while the other was talking to the hospital on the radio. "She's close." He said, looking up at Elliot and the other medic. He looked up at Olivia. "I need you to hold on." He said.

"I can't." she gasped, looking wildly at Elliot.

"You can. The baby's not crowning yet, but it's risky. She could give birth in the ambulance."

Elliot had horrible thoughts. Of Olivia bleeding out. Of something being wrong with the baby. "We need to go." He leaned over and spoke quietly to Olivia. "Hold on. We're going to the hospital. Ten minutes. Tops."

Olivia gasped out. "No. I can't wait."

"You can." He heard them EMT bring in the gurney and they lifted her up and covered her. Then they rushed out of the apartment and Elliot looked back briefly and saw a worried look on Kathleen's face. "it'll be OK. I'll call."

Then they were out the door and rushing towards the hospital. Elliot was holding Olivia's hand as the EMT's kept checking her during contractions. One was talking to someone at the hospital on a radio clipped to his shoulder. "Fully dilated. BP 140 over 100." He heard them rattling off stats. Olivia had her eyes clenched shut and she was moaning constantly now, her hands digging into the side of the gurney.

The ambulance made record time and before he knew it, someone was flinging open the ambulance doors and they were wheeling Olivia into the hospital. They rushed them to labor and delivery and Olivia's doctor met them there. They transferred her onto the bed and the doctor was examining her.

Olivia let out a small yell as a strong contraction hit her.

"Elliot." The doctor barked. "Help her sit up and support her."

Olivia felt Elliot lift her up and brace her, and she felt a nurse grab her leg.

"OK Olivia. This little guy is ready to come out. We're going to push now. Bear down." The doctor said. "Focus on pushing low."

Olivia took a deep breath and pushed hard, feeling the burn as her body stretched. She took a few short gasping breaths after her initial push.

"Again." The doctor said.

Olivia did as she was told and she could feel the sweat on her brow as she pushed with all of her might.

"Again."

Olivia pushed the next three times the doctor told her, giving it everything she had.

"I see the baby's head." The doctor said. "Lots of dark hair."

Olivia leaned back into Elliot and gasped for breath.

"You're doing great Liv." Elliot said, kissing her forehead.

"Again." Said the doctor. "PUSH!"

Olivia bore down with a grunt, pushing as hard as she could. She felt the same burn…the pain was almost unbearable and she let out a cry. She fell back against Elliot again, struggling to catch her breath.

"You're doing great Olivia." The doctor said. "Ready? We need another big push."

Olivia shook her head. She was exhausted from this entire day; this entire ordeal. "I can't." she whispered.

"You can." Said Elliot.

"Almost there." The doctor said. "I think one or two more pushes is all we need."

"C'mon Liv. You can do this." Elliot said, lifting her up and resting her upper body against his arm. "I got you."

Olivia looked up at him and nodded. She took a deep breath and worked with the contraction, giving it all the strength she had left.

"Push. Push. Push." The doctor said. "Don't stop."

Olivia gasped for breath as she tried to keep bearing down. She felt the pressure and then she felt immediate relief. She saw the doctor lift her baby boy in her hands so she could see him, and she burst into tears.

"Here he is!" the doctor said proudly. She lowered him briefly as the nurse wiped his face and Olivia heard a loud squall as he started crying.

It was the most beautiful sound; music to her ears. She lay back down with Elliot's help and he was kissing her cheeks and her forehead.

"I love you."

The nurse lifted the baby and lay him on Olivia's chest. She placed her hand on his back and started crying as he settled against her. He wasn't crying anymore. She watched as Elliot placed a small kiss on his head. "He's beautiful Olivia. He looks like you."

Olivia looked at her son. He had lots of dark hair and his skin was a little darker, like hers. The baby had his eyes open and he was looking around, but they were murky and she couldn't see the color. But it didn't matter, as she counted ten little fingers and ten little toes. "He's perfect." She whispered.

"Do you want to cut the cord Daddy?"

Olivia watched as Elliot took the surgical scissors from the doctor, grinning with fatherly pride. After he cut the cord, he came back to the head of the bed.

"What's his name?" she asked him quietly. She wanted him to pick it.

"I think Matthew suits him." He leaned over and kissed his small son. "It means gift from God."


	85. Chapter 85

"Matthew Joseph Benson Stabler." Elliot recited into the phone. "5 pounds, 3 ounces. 21 inches long."

"I love the name Dad. I can't wait to meet him." Kathleen said. "How's Liv?"

Elliot looked over at Olivia. She was holding the baby in her arms and staring down at him with a look of pure joy. She was whispering to him, seemingly oblivious to his conversation on the phone.

"She's tired. And happy. She went through the entire labor and delivery without any medication but she did great. We're in our room now."

"I'm sure you're both exhausted. Hopefully you can get some sleep tonight."

"I'd like to stay here with Olivia tonight…"

"I already planned on that." Kathleen said, cutting him off. "It's fine."

"Thanks honey. Can I talk to Elise?"

"She's asleep. It was a long day for her."

"OK." Elliot said, a little disappointed. He wanted to be the one to tell her about her brother.

"Don't worry. I won't spill the beans." Kathleen said, as if reading his mind. "Good night."

"Good night."

Elliot hung up the phone and Olivia lifted her head to look at him. Elliot walked over to the bed and stood next to her.

"Did you talk to Elise? How is she?" Olivia felt badly for how the day had gone and how scared Elise must have been. No one wants to see your mother taken out on a stretcher.

"She was asleep."

Olivia nodded. "I'm sure she was worn out." She laughed. "I don't even know what time it is."

Elliot looked at his phone. "It's almost 8." He looked back at his phone again. "Do you know what day it is?"

Olivia gave him a puzzled look. "Sunday."

"January 13th."

Olivia shook her head slightly. "Yeah…so?"

"Do you know what's 3 days from now?"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Really?" She saw him just staring at her. "January 16th." She sighed. "I'm too tired for games El. What's on January 16th?"

Elliot sat down gently on the edge of the bed, careful not to jostle her. He looked down at their baby nestled in her arms and then back up at her. "That was the day you walked back into my life."

Olivia furrowed her brows together. "What?"

"That's the day I walked into the squad room and found you and Elise there."

Olivia thought back to that day; she hadn't noted the date but she knew he must be right. She shook her head slightly, hardly able to believe it. "That seems so long ago."

"We've come a long way since then." He thought about how surprised he'd been that day, especially at finding he had a daughter. He'd been angry at her deception, and so damn happy to see her at the same time. It had been so confusing. The immediate anger…and the almost overwhelming physical need to pull her into his arms and breathe her in.

At the time, his anger won out.

But looking at her now, with Matthew sleeping contentedly in her arms, he was thankful that he'd found a way to let love win over anger.

EOEOEOEO

Don was the first visitor that stopped in the next morning. Somehow it seemed fitting; he had been there when Elise was born and she truly felt he was a father to her. He stole Matthew from her arms almost immediately upon entering the room, talking quietly to him as Olivia and Elliot watched him circle the room.

Shortly after he left for the precinct, Fin and Munch showed up. The both gave Liv a kiss and stood over her, giving the appropriate ooh's and aah's over Matthew, but both declining Olivia's offer to hold him. They weren't able to stay very long and exited almost the moment Casey walked in the room.

Elliot was watching Olivia, wanting to make sure she wasn't getting worn out. He could tell that each time the door opened, Olivia watched anxiously and he knew she was eagerly waiting for Elise. After Casey took the baby, he leaned over and whispered to her.

"I'm sure they'll be here soon."

Olivia looked up and him and smiled. She shouldn't have been so surprised that he'd read her mind. "I know." She said, reaching up and taking his hand in hers. "I'm anxious to see her."

"Liv, he's beautiful." Said Casey as she unwrapped the blanket he was swaddled in slightly. "Look at all that dark hair." She said as she ran her fingers through Matthew's hair.

"He looks just like his mother." Elliot said, leaning over and giving Olivia another kiss on the forehead. "Beautiful."

Olivia was about to refute his comment; she was pretty certain that after giving birth and a night of very little sleep, she looked like hell. But the door opened again and she turned her attention to their latest visitor. She was disappointed to see that it was only the nurse.

"I'd better get going." Casey said, walking over and handing Matthew back to Olivia. She leaned over and kissed his little forehead again and then looked at Elliot as she stood up. "Congratulations to you both."

The nurse began her questions as soon as the door closed behind Casey, and typing the information into the computer in the room. She checked on the baby after that, and satisfied that everything was progressing as it should, she left.

"I think I want to get up and sit in the chair." Olivia said. "I'm tired of lying in this bed."

Elliot nodded. "I'll help you." He took the baby and lay him in the small bassinet next to the bed. Then he turned and helped Olivia out of the bed and into the chair. He propped a pillow on her side so she could rest her arm on it, and then covered her lap with a blanket. He gently scooped Matthew out of the bassinet and rocked him gently before handing him back to Olivia.

"I can't remember a time when I was happier than I am today." Elliot said.

Olivia rolled her eyes, hugging Matthew close to her. "I would imagine that every day that one of your children was born was a pretty happy day." She felt pretty damned delirious herself, but she couldn't help calling him on his exaggeration.

Elliot feigned hurt, putting his hand to his heart as if to ask how she could possibly question his sincerity.

Olivia gave him a big smile as she looked down at Matthew and then back up a him. "I'm happy too El. It is a pretty great day."

Elliot pulled a chair close to Olivia's and sat down. "Dick's happy that he has a new brother." He said.

Olivia watched his expression and gave him a little smirk. "I think there's someone else that's pretty happy to have another boy in the family." She said.

"I don't think my heart can take another daughter, especially one that looks like you." Elliot said with a small laugh. He put a hand on Olivia's knee. "We have to start looking at convents soon."

Olivia remembered the conversation in her kitchen in Connecticut so many months ago. She laughed. "It's going to be fine El.", she said, patting his hand with hers. She shifted in the chair. She knew she was going to have to feed him shortly, so she wanted to give Elliot some time to hold him. "Can you take him for a few minutes?"

Elliot scooped the baby easily from her arms, once again surprised by how small he was. Even though he was born a little early, he was perfectly healthy. He was a little small, but the doctor wasn't concerned and said he'd be gaining weight in no time.

They heard a light knock on the door, and they both looked up expectantly. But before either of them could respond, they saw Kathleen's head peek in through a crack. "Can we come in? Everyone decent?"

Elliot chuckled. "Come in." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he saw the door swing open widely and Elise was pushing past Kathleen into the room. She hesitated for a second, and Elliot saw she was taking it all in. The hospital bed and the room in general. He also realized he was blocking her view of Olivia and he stepped to the side.

He saw relief flash over her small face and he realized that she must have really been worried about her mother.

"Mommy!" Elise rushed towards Olivia.

Kathleen swiped an arm to try to slow her down but missed. "Remember, gentle." She called out but Elise wasn't slowing down.

When Elise reached the chair, she stopped and Elliot realized Kathleen's words must have gotten through.

"Mommy?" Elise said quietly.

Olivia looked at her daughter standing there in front of her. Her first thought was that she looked so _big_. Elise had always been her baby…but the little girl standing in front of her wasn't a baby anymore. She reached her hands out to Elise. "Hi sweetheart."

Elise reached up and started to climb up on the chair and Olivia could tell she was trying to move slowly, despite her desperate need to hug her mother. She was kneeling on the chair with Olivia's hands on her arms and Olivia could sense her hesitancy.

"Where's my hug?" she asked, and she could see the immediate relief on Elise's little face. A broad smile broke out as Olivia pulled her on to her lap and wrapped her arms around her. "I missed you." She placed several kisses on top of her head and squeezed her with her arms.

"I missed you too Mommy." Elise said, burying her face into Olivia's neck.

Olivia winced slightly as Elise pressed against her swollen breasts and squirmed in her lap, but she shook her head when Elliot took a step towards them. "Tell me what you and Kathleen did last night."

Elliot watched as Elise sat up slightly and started to rattle off all of the things they had done. He felt a little tug of jealously that her sole attention was on her mother, but he knew they shared an especially close bond due to the years they had been alone, and that she'd been scared for her mother when she'd seen her in pain yesterday.

"Oh!" Elise said, her mouth forming a perfectly round O as her curls bounced as she shifted in excitement. "Guess what we made?" Elise didn't wait for them to ask before she revealed more. "We made some pictures for my brother. I made a pirate picture because I like pirates now and we can be pirates together. Or sometimes I can still be a princess and he can save me like Jack Sparrow. We watched a movie called Pirates…"

"Elise, we don't need to get into all that…" Kathleen said with a nervous laugh as Olivia gave her a sharp look.

Elliot realized she was still standing in the middle of the room and he felt badly that his attention had been focused on Olivia and Elise. He smiled at her. "Come over here and give me a hug." He walked towards her and wrapped his left arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his body. He kissed the top of her head as she looked down at the baby cradled in his right arm.

"Oh, he's so tiny." She said in awe. "Look at all that hair." She looked up at Olivia who was still listening to Elise prattle on. "He looks like you Liv."

Olivia looked up from Elise. "Yeah, well I'm still hoping for those Stabler blue eyes."

Kathleen took one of his little hands in hers. "He's beautiful."

Elise seemed to sense that the attention had shifted, and she looked up at Elliot from her perch on her mother's lap. She furrowed her little brows, almost as if she had forgotten why they were here. "Is that my baby brother?" she asked.

"Yep." Said Elliot.

Elise turned back to Olivia and touched her belly. "But how can he be here if your stomach is still fat?"

Olivia laughed, especially when she saw Elliot's horrified expression. "He just came out El, so it takes a few days for my stomach to go back to normal." She groaned inwardly, knowing there was probably going to be a new _normal_.

"Do you want to meet him?" Elliot asked, releasing Kathleen and walking back to where Olivia and Elise were sitting.

Elise nodded enthusiastically and Olivia put a hand on her waist to keep her from squirming in her lap anymore.

Elliot knelt down next to the chair and leaned in so Elise could get a good look at Matthew. He was sleeping peacefully, swaddled tightly in his blanket.

Elise leaned over and peered inside the blanket and Elliot and Olivia watched her expression change from one of anticipation to confusion. Elise looked up at Elliot.

"That's my brother?" she asked, and they could all hear the sound of disbelief in her voice. "He looks like a monkey."

There was a beat of silence and then Olivia let out a laugh. She should have warned her daughter that newborns don't look like the bouncy babies you see on TV or at daycare. "He doesn't look like a monkey El. He's just brand new, so his skin is a little wrinkly and he's really small. And he does have a lot of hair." She looked up at Elliot and saw him relax slightly.

"But he's so little." Elise said. "Can he do anything?"

"Not yet." Elliot said. "Right now, he's going to sleep and eat a lot."

"And poop." Kathleen volunteered.

Elise made a face when she heard what Kathleen said. "But at school sometimes I play with the babies. I build towers and they knock them over and stuff."

"Pretty soon you'll be doing those things with him. Just not right now. He's just too small right now."

"Why did we get him so small? Couldn't you get us a bigger brother baby? I want to play pirates."

Olivia realized that they really hadn't done a very good job of preparing Elise for this. They'd never really talked through what to expect. No wonder she was confused. "He'll grow up. Remember the pictures in your baby book? How small you were?"

Elise nodded and Olivia could see that she was putting the pieces together. "And then I growed and now I'm big." She said.

Elliot nodded. "Exactly."

"But what am I supposed to do with him _now_?" Elise asked.

"Right now, you're going to be our helper." Said Olivia. "You can read him stories and hold him and give him kisses. Big sisters have to teach their little brothers how to do things. So as he grows you can help teach him how to do things like crawl and walk and color…"

"And be pirates?" Elise said.

"And be a pirate." Elliot said.

Elise leaned in and looked at Matthew again, a look of skepticism still on her face. She cocked her head, watching him intently.

Elliot saw the baby screw up his face and then yawn and Elise backed up slightly, watching him. Matthew opened his eyes and Elise let out a small gasp.

"He's looking at me." She whispered.

Olivia smiled. "He was anxious to meet his big sister."

Elise leaned again. "Hi." She said very quietly. "I'm your big sister. There are some things you should know. My favorite princess is Ariel but now I like Jack Sparrow too. I'm gonna teach you how to do important stuff and maybe you can play with my toys but you got some of your own and I took your stuffed giraffe but I guess I'll give him back to you. I like to play Pretty Pretty Princess and you can play but if you get the crown you have to give it back to me and I'm gonna go to Kindagarten pretty soon but you can't go until you grow up like me but I'll paint a picture for you so you won't be sad."

Elliot and Olivia watched as Elise imparted all of the wisdom of a big sister, and they both couldn't help smiling. Olivia looked up and motioned for Kathleen to join them. Kathleen stood next to Olivia's chair and Olivia took her hand and clasped it in hers.

"So what do you think about having another brother?" Olivia asked as Elise kept talking to Matthew."

"It didn't really matter to me if it was a boy or a girl." She said.

"I bet it's strange to have such young siblings." Olivia said. She knew it still had to be tough on Elliot's kids for him to have this new family.

Kathleen shrugged. "You know what? It's kind of OK. I mean, you don't appreciate your brothers and sisters when you're young. They're just…there. And you have some fun sometimes and you fight sometimes. And you love them but it's just how it is. You know?" she said. "But now, I can really appreciate them. I love spending time with Elise." She smiled. "And I'm sure I'll love spending time with Matthew too."

Elise lifted her head. "Matthew?"

"That's your brother's name."

Elise rolled her eyes. "That's not a prince name or a pirate name." She looked back at Olivia. "Can we call him Jack?"

Kathleen laughed and covered her mouth with her hand, knowing she was responsible for this. She shouldn't have let Elise watch Pirates of the Caribbean. She was going to catch hell for letting Elise watch a PG-13 rated movie for sure.

"No, we aren't going to name him Jack. His name is Matthew." Elliot said, standing up with the baby in his arms.

"Captain Matthew." Elise said. "That doesn't sound right."

"Well, maybe when you play pirates, you can use Jack." Olivia said, assuming it would all be forgotten by the time he was old enough for that to happen.

Elise screwed up her mouth, thinking about what she said. "Maybe I should just call him Jack now."

"How about you don't." said Elliot, trying to put an end to the debate. "Do you want to hold him?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

Elise's face brightened. "Yes!"

Olivia helped Elise down and Kathleen lent her an arm to get out of the chair. They got Elise settled comfortably in the chair with a pillow propped under her arm, while Olivia sat on the bed. She watched the excitement as Elliot settled the baby in her arm and instructed her on placing her other arm over his body like a seatbelt. Kathleen got out her phone and started snapping photos. Elise looked up at them and Olivia felt tears well up as she looked at the two of them sitting there.

Elise leaned over and gave him a small kiss on the forehead. "We're gonna be good friends when you get growed up Matty."


	86. Chapter 86

Olivia peered over at Matthew as he lay sleeping in his crib. It was hard to believe he was six weeks old.

"Mommy is going to be gone for a little bit but Daddy will take good care of you." She whispered, laying a hand on him gently so she wouldn't wake him. She had just nursed him and he would be out for the next several hours, but she was going to be gone all afternoon. Kathleen and Maureen had been bugging her to go shopping for a dress for the wedding and even though the big event was only five weeks away, she hadn't wanted to go shopping until now. As soon as she'd gotten approval from the doctor, she'd been working out, trying to lose the baby weight and firming everything back up. She would never have her old figure back, but at least she felt like she could face shopping for a dress for the big day.

She heard a sound and saw Elliot walking into the nursery. He put a hand on the small of her back and leaned over to look at the sleeping baby. "He'll be fine Liv."

Olivia knew he was trying to comfort her. This was the first time she would be away from him for any length of time. "I know. It's just hard to leave the first time."

"I've changed a few diapers and handled a few crying babies…"

Olivia turned her head and smiled at him. "I know. You're an expert." She turned back to Matthew. "Doesn't mean I won't miss him."

Olivia heard a crash coming from Elise's room and she and Elliot rushed out to see what the commotion was. Elliot got there first and flung the door open. He saw a pile of books and toys in the middle of the floor and Elise and Lucy with guilt expressions as they both stood on her bed.

"We were trying to make a fort." Elise said.

"To fight off the pirates." Lucy volunteered.

"And we needed something tall." Elise motioned towards the bookcase.

"Elise said we could climb it like pirates do."

Elliot shook his head. "Stop. You know you shouldn't be climbing on things like that." He said sternly. "That bookshelf could have fallen on you."

For once, Elise looked properly chastised and Lucy looked at Elise and took her cues from her, hanging her head slightly.

"Now let's find something else to do." Olivia said, holding out her hands to the two little girls.

Elliot pushed her hands down. "I've got this." He said, pushing her towards the door. "You've got some shopping to do." They had been finalizing all of the details of the ceremony and reception, but Olivia had been stalling on getting a wedding dress. He knew she felt self-conscious about her body, but he told her that she looked amazing and he meant it. He couldn't wait to see her walk down the aisle. It was going to be a relatively small affair, with their closest friends and family.

When they'd selected a wedding date, they hadn't thought of Elise's birthday 6 days earlier, so now they were planning a small birthday party for her on the 25th...which fortunately was her actual birthday. They decided to stick to a little friend party, since the entire family would be together at the wedding. Elise had wanted a pirate theme, of course, so he was going to have her and Lucy start making decorations.

He watched Olivia smile and walk out of the room, and he and the girls followed her.

"Who wants to make some pirate hats?" Elliot said and the girls giggled with glee and clambered up on the chairs at the table.

"Me." Said Olivia, raising her hand.

Elliot picked up her phone and her keys and her purse and handed them to her with a smile. "Go."

Olivia gave him a smirk and grabbed her things. "Fine. I'm going." She leaned in and gave him a quick kiss. She walked towards the door, waving at the girls as they dug out the paper and glue.

"Bye Mommy." Elise said, not even looking up from the project in front of her.

Olivia heard a cry from the nursery and she stopped at the door and looked back. She saw Elliot cock his head. "Go." He mouthed. She hesitated, and then she left to meet Kathleen and Maureen.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia had been skeptical about getting a traditional wedding dress at her age, but with a little encouragement from her future stepdaughters, she had to admit she was having fun. It didn't take nearly as long to narrow down her selection, finding it easy to discard certain styles in favor of others. She worried about selecting something strapless; she thought she might need a little help holding up her boobs…even she couldn't believe how big they were right now. But she was surprised to find she could get something that was supportive that didn't show too much cleavage. Still, she wasn't ruling out something over the shoulder. She decided a full skirt made her hips look huge, so she decided she liked something more fitting. By the time they'd visited their third bridal shop, she'd settle on a dress and was excited about her choice.

"You guys are the best." Olivia said, wrapping an arm around each of them as they walked down the street. "This was more fun than I thought it would be."

"Dad's jaw is going to drop when he sees you. You look amazing in that dress." Kathleen said.

"Well, not one word. I'm not going to let him see it before the wedding."

"We won't say anything." Maureen said. "Now we have to figure out your hair and makeup."

"And if you want a veil or some kind of tiara or…"

Olivia shot her a look. "Not a tiara." She said, laughing. "And I'm just going to put my hair up." She said as they kept walking down the sidewalk.

Kathleen stopped. "What? No. We have to go to the salon and try some different hairstyles. And try on some veils."

Olivia had done enough shopping for the day, and she resisted the urge to check in on Elliot and the kids. "How about if we stop and have a bite to eat."

"We don't have much time Liv. We should really figure all this out."

"There's time." Olivia said, steering them into a diner. "And I'm hungry."

EOEOEOEOEO

Elliot was standing in the kitchen, cutting up some vegetables, when Olivia walked in. He only saw one small bag in her hand and he raised an eyebrow as she closed the door behind her.

"I hope your wedding dress isn't that small." Elliot said with a laugh. "I mean; _I'd_ like it but I'm not sure what our guests would think."

Olivia let the small bag dangle from her finger. "This is for tonight." She said, giving him a small smile. They hadn't been able to have sex since Matthew was born, but she had gotten the all clear at her doctor's visit on Friday. She saw the look on his face and it made her smile even more. Tonight was going to be good. As long as the kids stayed asleep. Speaking of the kids…

Olivia looked around the room and noticed that everything was cleaned up and the apartment was silent. "Where are the kids?"

"Lucy's mom called and invited Elise to stay overnight. She thought we might need a break." He saw the look on Olivia's face. "I know she's never stayed at a friends but she's stayed overnight at Don's and Casey's…"

"I know. She'll be fine. I'm just surprised." She said. She hadn't slept at a friends and Olivia hoped she would be OK. She had only let her sleep at places where she knew all the people involved. She didn't know Lucy's family very well.

"We know them well enough. She's going to be fine."

Olivia nodded. "Where's Matthew?"

Elliot raised his arm and looked at the watch on his arm. "If my calculations are correct, he should be waking up shortly to eat." He reached for the bag still dangling from her hand. "Do I get to peek?"

Olivia pulled the bag back. "No." She smiled. "Only when I model it for you." She had stopped at the lingerie store after she'd separated from the girls. She felt better after she'd gone shopping with the girls, and she knew Elliot loved her curves…even if she'd added to them. She had missed sex…more specifically sex with Elliot…and she wanted to buy something new to wear. She peeked inside the bag and smiled as she looked up at him with a sultry smile. "I hope you like it."

Elliot let out a small growl. "You don't play fair." He said, his tone deep and husky. He looked down the hall towards the nursery, trying to figure out if there was enough time before the baby woke up.

"No." Olivia said, reading his mind. She came around the kitchen counter. "We're not rushing this." She said in a breathy whisper. She flattened her palm against his chest. "It's been too long."

Elliot smoothed his hand across her cheek and into her hair. He leaned in and captured her lips. "It has been too long…so I can't promise it won't be rushed." He released her mouth and smiled down at her. "At least the first time." He grinned and captured her mouth again. Olivia dropped the bag on the counter and wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling his body closer to hers.

They both froze as they heard a cry from the nursery, and the both grinned as they broke apart. "Told you we didn't have enough time." Olivia said as she turned towards the nursery.

"Can't blame a man for trying." Elliot said, reaching for the small bag on the counter. Olivia reached it first, snagging it in her hand as she kept walking.

"Hands off." Olivia smiled to herself as she went to get Matthew.

EOEOEOEO

Olivia reached up and wiped some spit from Matthew's chin as she ate a bite of chicken. They had him in the bouncy seat on the table while they ate and he was looking around and sucking on his hands while they talked.

"Seems like he's wide awake." Elliot said.

"Don't worry. I'll feed him again after we're done with dinner and then he should be out for several hours."

"I might need more than a couple of hours." Elliot said, running his eyes down to her mouth and then back up to her eyes. He'd been wondering what she'd had in that bag, imagining all potential options for lingerie. Red, black, white…it didn't matter. In some ways, it was a shame she spent the money because she wasn't going to be wearing it for very long.

"We both know who's in charge here." Olivia said, standing up as she scooped Matthew out of his seat. "I'll take whatever time we get." She nestled the baby against her shoulder. "I'm going to give him a quick bath and then feed him and try to get him to sleep." She said. "Leave the mess and I'll clean it up later." She knew Elliot had taken care of the kids all day and had made dinner. Cleaning up was the least she could do. But it would have to wait. She wasn't going to miss bath time with Matthew and she had to nurse him.

"I got it Liv." He watched as she walked down the hall and he swore she swayed her hips a little more than necessary.

EOEOEOEO

Elliot cleaned up the kitchen and when he was done, he checked in on Olivia and Matthew. Olivia was finishing up his bath, rubbing his little body with lotion before she diapered and clothed him.

"Is someone getting impatient?" she asked, glancing over at him as she wedged a diaper underneath Matthew.

"No. Not at all." And he meant it. He loved watching Olivia with Matthew; he had missed all of this with Elise and he treasured every minute of it. "I can wait my turn." He put a hand on the small of her back and rubbed small circles while she got him dressed.

Olivia lifted him up from the changing table and handed him to Elliot. Elliot cradled him in his arms while Olivia cleaned up the bath things. He was starting to get fussy as she finished up, and Olivia took him back and settled in the chair in his room.

"I'm going to call and check on Elise and then I'll open a bottle of wine…" He saw the look on Olivia's face. "Oh that's right. No wine." He nodded. "OK. So I'll check on Elise and just wait for you…" He turned towards the hallway.

"I'm going to get him down and then take a quick shower and then I'll be out." Olivia said. "Give me half an hour or so." She was exhausted from her afternoon with the girls. And she hadn't slept through the night since Matthew had been born, but she was dedicated to this evening with Elliot. It was the perfect opportunity with Elise gone…and she missed him.

She thought about their wedding day. It was coming up quickly. It had been a long journey…she could scarcely believe everything that had happened to them in the past year. She wanted nothing more than to marry Elliot and settle into a normal, boring, married life. To raise their two children, and to spend time with his kids. Maureen would be getting married in September, and Elise would start Kindergarten. The twins were starting their senior year of high school. So many milestones.

In a few years, they could be grandparents.

She stifled a smile at the thought of Elliot's grandchildren playing with his children.

She realized that Matthew had fallen asleep. She stood up and carefully lowered him into his crib. She turned on the baby monitor and the nightlight and crept out of the room. She looked down the hall and saw the lights were dimmed. She hesitated at the door to the nursery for a moment before she headed off towards their bedroom and a nice hot shower.

EOEOEOEOEO

Olivia stepped out of the shower and dried off. She pulled her hair down from the clip she'd used to keep from getting it wet. She massaged her favorite vanilla scented lotion all over her body, pausing on her stomach and her breasts. She tried not to be self-conscious, but she was happy that she'd been able to work out. She was almost back to her pre-baby weight and she felt like all the sit-ups she'd done were working on her stomach.

Olivia reached for the small bag on the counter and took out the small pair of white lace bikini panties. She slipped them up her legs and over her hips, turning to look at her ass. She adjusted them slightly and then turned back and slipped the white nightie out of the bag. She pulled it over her head, adjusting the thin spaghetti straps on her shoulders. She tugged it down slightly, adjusting the lacy cups on her breasts. It was a little snug and she could see her dark nipples through the white lace and she realized quite a bit of cleavage was showing. The sheer fabric hung down, ending just below the top of panties.

She pulled her bottom lip under her front teeth, giving herself an overall assessment. Despite the fact that she liked to feel feminine beneath her clothes, and she splurged on sexy bras and panties, she didn't usually buy lingerie like this and she wondered if it was too much. _Was it ridiculous for a middle-aged mother of two to be wearing a sheer nightie and barely there panties?_

Probably.

She turned her body again and looked in the mirror before turning back and looking at her refection dead on.

 _Fuck it_. She felt sexy for the first time in a long time and she was going for it.

Olivia ran her hands through her hair and mussed it up slightly. The tube of lipstick was sitting on the counter and she painted her lips to a dark maroon color. Her eyes were next, darkening them with eyeliner and mascara. Once she was done, she took another look in the mirror, pleased with the result. She mussed her hair one more time, anxious to see Elliot's reaction.

She knew he would…but it didn't keep her from still feeling a few butterflies in her stomach. Her nervousness surprised even her and she chocked it up to exhaustion.

It was going to be great.

She took a deep breath as she headed for the bathroom door.

Playtime.

Elliot was sitting on the edge of the bed. He had heard the shower running when he was in the living room, and the anticipation was killing him. The shower was still running before his patience ran out and he headed down the hallway. He stopped in the nursery and checked on Matthew, happy to see that he was sleeping soundly. He checked the baby monitor and the receiver in his hand and headed for the bedroom. He was tempted to interrupt her in the shower, but he curbed his impatience.

Elliot set the receiver on the nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed facing the bathroom. He sat there for a few minutes and then stood up, wondering if she would be mad that he was here waiting for her. He chuckled a little at himself…he didn't know why he was nervous. It was probably because it had been a while and he wanted it to be perfect and he also wanted to make sure she wasn't rushing things.

Elliot looked around the room and decided to light some candles. He sat back down on the edge of the bed, wondering what the hell she was doing in there that was taking so long.

A few seconds later, her heard the knob turn and he uttered a quick apology before she even entered the room.

"I'm sorry…I didn't know if I should wait…" the words died on his lips as Olivia walked into the room. She hesitated when she saw him sitting there and he saw a blush creep into her cheeks as his eyes trailed down her body. When his eyes met hers again, he smiled, noting her apparent nervousness matched his.

"You look amazing." He whispered. He held out his hand. "C'mere."

Olivia saw his eyes rove over her body again as she walked towards him. She was happy that he couldn't seem to take his eyes off her and it made her feel less self-conscious. She could feel her heart rate accelerating at the thought of his hands on her…and at the thought of her hands on him.

When Olivia stopped in front of him, Elliot reached out tentatively, placing his hands lightly on her outer thighs, just above her knees. He ran his hands up her legs and around to her ass, cupping it in his hands as he buried her face in breasts. He inhaled deeply, taking in the scent of her. "God I missed you." He mumbled against lace, squeezing her ass lightly.

Olivia put her hands on his shoulders. "I missed you too."

Elliot lifted his head and looked up at her. "You look absolutely ravishing." He meant what he said. She was undoubtedly the most beautiful woman he'd ever known, but standing here in front of him…with her breasts straining at the lace, the small patch of lace at the top of her thighs, the reddened lips and then ridiculously sexy hair…he knew he was the luckiest man alive.

He got a devilish smile on his face. "I like this…" He tugged lightly on the hem of her nightie. "But I think I'm going to like it a little more when it's lying on the floor."


	87. Chapter 87

AN: I know people weren't very happy when I ended the last chapter where I did. Hopefully this will make up for it. Please leave a review!

EOEOEOEO

Elliot walked into the bathroom and watched Olivia in the mirror as she rubbed lotion on her arms. Small drops from her wet hair were glistening on her skin, and he watched as a drop ran down her chest, between her breasts, before it disappeared under the fabric of the light blue tank top she was wearing. His eyes roved down the backs of her bare legs, from the bottom of her lace panties down to her feet and back up again, and he felt a distinct rush of heat running south as his eyes trailed back up her body. His eyes met hers staring back at him in the mirror, and he realized she'd been watching him.

She smiled and then shook her head. "Don't even think about it." She said. Elise had been allowed to have five friends over for her birthday party…one for each year she'd been alive…but Olivia had underestimated the energy and chaos that six little girls created. Maybe it was the fact that she'd been up a couple of times with the baby last night. Or maybe she was just getting old. She watched as Elliot smirked at her as he walked up behind her and placed his chin on her shoulder and his hands on her waist; she knew what was coming… he was turning on the charm.

"If you don't want me to think about it, then you shouldn't run around half naked." He said, grinning at her.

Olivia looked at his reflection and the glint in those baby blues and felt her resistance fade…minimally. She really _was_ exhausted but it was so hard to turn him away. "First of all, I wasn't running around the house." She corrected, a small smile on her lips as slipped his hands beneath her tank top and rubbed his thumbs back and forth against her skin. "I was in the bathroom, minding my own business." Elliot's expression changed to one of mock innocence and she shook her head. She watched in the mirror as he slid his hands down to her hips, and placed a kiss on her bare shoulder. "Secondly, I'm not half naked."

Elliot lifted his mouth from her shoulder as he slid one hand down her ass. "This underwear doesn't even cover half of your ass." He slid his right hand down, cupping her right cheek. "See? Bare skin." He said as he slipped his thumb beneath the lace.

"If you don't like my underwear, I'd be happy to go get some new ones." Olivia raised an eyebrow. "How about some nice, white, cotton ones?"

Elliot placed a kiss on her shoulder, squeezing her ass gently. "I wasn't complaining about them so let's not get crazy." He kissed his was up her neck. "I'm just sayin'…" He slid his right hand up and his left hand down until he could hook his thumbs inside her panties at her hips. "How about we just take them _off?_ "

His words were mumbled against her skin but Olivia didn't have to hear what he'd said to understand him. He was already starting to tug them down when she put her hands over his, stilling him. "El…" She knew she wasn't going to deny him; she could already feel the affect he was having on her…just with the few heated kisses and his hands on her skin. Her body had a mind of its own when it came to Elliot and he was a smug son of a bitch because he knew it.

Elliot lifted his head, looking at her expression in the mirror. He knew he'd be able to tell by her expression if she really wanted him to back off…in which case he would…or if this was just part of the game. He could see by the small smile on her lips that she wasn't going to push him away, but he decided to up the ante. "I'll get up with Matty if he wakes up tonight." He promised. He saw Olivia raise one eyebrow, doubting his sincerity, but she nodded.

"That would be nice." She doubted it would actually happen. Despite being a light sleeper, Elliot had the uncanny ability to sleep through the baby's cries night after night. He only woke up if Olivia nudged him. But she really didn't mind. She was still on leave and Elliot had to work tomorrow. This was her last week, which worked out great because the wedding was Saturday. She didn't even want to think beyond that, when they both had to get up early for work and get two kids out the door.

"Liv?"

Olivia realized she'd been lost in thought, and had left Elliot hanging there, wondering what was on her mind. She smiled at him while pushing his hands from their hold on her hips. "Just give me a few minutes."

"But…"

Olivia shook her head because she knew what was on his mind. Elliot was a fan of having sex wherever the mood struck him…and usually she was all in. But tonight, she wanted the soft comfort of the bed beneath her. "Bed." The tone of her voice let him know it was non-negotiable.

Elliot squeezed her ass lightly as he straightened up behind her. "Don't be too long." He sauntered out of the bathroom and Olivia closed the door behind him so she could finish up her nightly ritual.

Ten minutes had passed when she was done and she knew Elliot was probably getting impatient. She opened the bathroom door and passed into the bedroom, surprised to see he wasn't in the room. She started to walk towards the door when Elliot came back through, carrying a bottle of wine and two glasses.

Olivia furrowed her brow slightly; Elliot knew she couldn't drink while she was nursing. "El…"

Elliot silenced her words with a kiss as he stepped closed to her, still holding the wine and glasses. "You deserve to relax a little after the long day you've had." He whispered as he released her mouth. "And I told you, I'm getting up with the baby tonight."

Olivia started to object, but the thought of a glass of wine sounded wonderful. She hadn't had any since the night Elliot proposed, and that had just been a few sips. "Really?"

"Really." Elliot set the two glasses on the nightstand and started pouring from the bottle.

"You know you don't have to get me drunk." Olivia teased.

Elliot laughed. "I know. And I also know it's not going to take much to get your drunk, so take it slowly."

Olivia took a sip and let out a deep groan. "Oh that tastes so good." She took another sip and sidled over to where Elliot was standing. "Thank you." She wrapped her left arm around his neck, playing with the short hairs there. She lifted her chin and Elliot leaned down and captured her lips with his.

Elliot broke the kiss and smiled broadly as he looked down at her. "That wine tastes good on you." He pressed his lips to hers again. "I just hope I get the same reaction from you as the wine."

Olivia took another sip and then set the glass down next to his, wrapping her other arm around him. "Let's see."

Elliot put bother hands on her forearms, pulling them from around his neck. "Not so fast." He saw the confusion on her face. He stepped to the side and motioned towards the bed. "Lie down."

Olivia looked at the bed and then back at him, a question in her eyes.

"You don't trust me?" Elliot said with a smirk. He knew she did, but that she was wondering what he was up to. He picked up her wineglass and handed it to her, never breaking eye contact. He watched as she took another long sip, draining half of the liquid in the glass. She handed the glass back to him as she moved towards the bed. "On your stomach." He directed as she started to climb on the bed.

Olivia hesitated a second and looked back at him. It seemed he had decided he was in charge tonight and part of her wanted to challenge him. There was plenty of nights where one or the other of them took control, but tonight she'd hoped for slow and gentle lovemaking. She hadn't been exaggerating when she'd told him she was tired, and she didn't have the energy to battle him. She knew he was tuned in to her mood. Once she was centered on the bed, she lay down on her stomach and splayed her arms up near her head, facing away from where Elliot stood.

Elliot stood by the side of the bed, taking in the form of his soon-to-be wife. He was sometimes still in awe of the fact that she was in his bed…despite everything they'd been through. He reached out and ran one hand down the back of her right leg, and he felt her shiver from his touch. He dropped his jeans so he was clad only in his boxer-briefs, the beginning of an erection already forming from the time he had his hands on her on the bathroom to now. The effect she had on him…had always had on him. He let out a heavy sigh.

He climbed up on the bed, watching as she caught herself from slipping sideways at the shift. He straddled the top of her legs so his thighs were touching the outer part of her thighs, but careful to keep the rest of his body from making contact with hers. He looked up at her face and saw she had her eyes closed and her bottom lip sucked under her teeth. A telltale sign she was trying to anticipate his next move. "Relax." He said in a soothing tone, and he watched as she released her bottom lip. It was red from where she'd dug her teeth into it and he had an overwhelming urge to take it between his own and soothe it. _Patience_. He kept repeating it in his own head because it would be so easy to tug her panties down and take her right now…

 _Patience_.

He leaned forward, bracing himself on his right arm, and placed a gentle kiss on her left shoulder, right next to the strap of her tank top. She jolted slightly at the contact, and he smiled as he brushed her hair away from her neck and peppered the back of her neck with slow, gentle kisses. Her skin broke out in goosebumps as he worked his way back across her shoulder and then back up her neck to the sensitive spot right beneath her ear.

Olivia moaned as he sucked on her neck; his mouth and tongue on that particular spot always hit her squarely between the legs. She felt her body sinking into the mattress and her muscles relaxing as he swept her hair upwards and continued his trail of kisses along her right shoulder. He smoothed his hand up her right arm, whispering his palm along her skin and making her shiver again.

Elliot sat up slightly, taking the weight off his arm, and placed both hands on her shoulders. He massaged her shoulders and he heard a small moan escape her mouth. He slid his fingers under the thin straps of her tank top and dragged them off her shoulders, returning his hands to where the straps had been resting. A small smile graced his lips as another small moan left Olivia's mouth, and he continued to massage her shoulders, working the tension from her body.

"That feel good?" he whispered as he placed a kiss on the shell of her ear.

"Mmmm." Was all that Olivia could muster. She felt Elliot shift then and both of his hands were trailing down her back in a crisscross fashion until they reached her lower back. She felt another rash of goosebumps break out on her skin as he lifted her tank top and trailed his fingers lightly across her lower back. The way he was using his hands and his mouth was slow torture…amazingly relaxing and highly erotic at the same time.

Elliot slid his hands beneath her tank top, splaying his hands against her skin. He rubbed his thumbs against her skin and started sliding his hands up her sides, taking her shirt with it. When he'd pushed it up as far as he could, he leaned back towards her ear. "Lift up." He whispered.

Olivia opened up her eyes and looked at him for the first time. She braced her arms slightly so he could pull her shirt up over her breasts, and then she tried to push back into him so she could sit up, but he gave her no room.

"No." Elliot said, pressing her back on to the bed. He lifted her left arm and pulled the shirt over her arm, and then did the same to the other, until the shirt was pooled at her neck. "Lift your head." Olivia complied and he lifted it over her head and tossed it on the floor. Elliot ran his hands from his shoulders up her arms again, and flattened his chest against her back, holding himself up so he didn't crush her. He placed a kiss on her cheek next to her ear, followed by two smaller kisses as he trailed down to the corner of her mouth.

Olivia tilted her head slightly, thinking he was going to kiss her. But she was surprised when he kissed the corner of her mouth and then settled his mouth on her jawline, moving his way back to her ear.

"I love you so much."

Olivia felt another rush of heat to her belly at his words and the tone of his voice, whispered so softly into her ear.

"I…" She started to respond when he shushed her.

Elliot sat up and trailed his fingers down her back, tracing the muscles and her ribcage down to the small of her back. He trailed them up again, loving the feel of her smooth skin against his fingers. He reached over to the nightstand, and grabbed his wineglass. He dipped his fingers inside and then drizzled some wine between her shoulder blades. He felt her jolt slightly as the cool liquid hit her skin, but he covered it quickly with his mouth, trailing his tongue over her skin and lapping up the sweetness.

He drizzled some more wine a little farther down her back, letting his tongue and mouth trace the contours of her skin as it ran down her back. Olivia was moaning and she lifted her ass off the bed, knocking into his erection. He was hard now; the sight of her smooth, dark skin, her moans as he worked his way down her body and the taste of the wine on her skin were making it almost impossible to keep his focus.

 _Patience._

Olivia was moaning…half of the moans were Elliot's name. She was so goddamned turned on. Every touch of his hand…his mouth…his tongue…were only making her wetter and she thought she might actually come from the way he was teasing her body. She felt him shift slightly, moving down her body and she tensed slightly in anticipation of what he would do next.

Elliot lifted his mouth from her skin. He took a sip of wine and then tipped the glass, letting the last small stream of red liquid pool in her lower back. Olivia jolted again at the sensation, and he ran his tongue along her lower back as he let the glass fall to the side. He placed one hand on either hip to keep her in place as he let his tongue trail along the spot where skin met lace. He hooked his thumbs in her panties and started pulling them down slowly, placing kisses on her ass as it was revealed.

"Ellll…" Olivia moaned, squirming beneath him. He was trapping her legs closed with his and holding her down, when all she wanted was her underwear gone and to feel his hands…his tongue…or his erection between her legs. She was throbbing with want…

"Patience Liv." Elliot said, a small smile on his face as he voiced the same word he'd been repeating to himself. He had slid her lace panties down to the tops of her legs, and he widened his stance slightly, allowing a small amount of space. He slid his hand over her ass, ghosting two fingers over her entrance. She was so wet and he felt his cock twitch, thinking about sliding into that wet heat. "Jesus." He muttered under his breath.

Olivia let out a small sound of protest as he slid his fingers forward, but it was silenced by a gasp as he knocked her clit. "Fuck." She uttered, lifting her ass up off the bed and causing his fingers to lose contact.

He slid them back and forth, teasing her clit and he could feel her body start to tremble. He knew she was close and he moved his fingers back to her entrance.

"Yeesss." She moaned. She tried to spread her legs a little but she was constrained by the lace and she muttered a curse under her breath. She felt Elliot's fingers slide back and she gasped out her displeasure until he hit her clit again. He rubbed his fingers against her again and again, and she felt the rush…until her orgasm tore through her, causing her to clamp her thighs together, trapping his hand between her thighs. She buried her face in the mattress, trying to muffle her gasps. She felt Elliot slide his hand from between her legs and move off her body, and then she felt her panties sliding down her legs. _Yes_. She wanted him badly.

Elliot climbed back onto the bed, sliding one leg between hers as he climbed back over her body. He was happy to see Olivia oblige him as she spread her legs, and he heard her gasp again as he pressed his thigh against her sensitive core.

"Ugh." Olivia moaned as he squeezed her ass, and then she felt his erection. He'd obviously taken off his underwear and she lifted her hips up again, letting him know that she was ready for him…that she wanted him.

Elliot placed a kiss on her lower back, tasting some residual wine. He trailed his tongue up her spine and desire was coursing through him. He reached her shoulders, bracing one arm on either side of her head. He moved his right leg from between hers and flattened his chest against her back again, his erection prodding her ass.

"God, I want you so much." He whispered in her ear. He buried his face in her neck, nipping and sucking at the skin. He rocked his erection into ass again.

Olivia pushed her ass back into him, desperate to get him between her legs. "El…" she gasped out.

Elliot lifted his mouth from her neck. "No." he said and he heard another groan of frustration from Olivia. He trailed kisses up her jaw until he reached the corner of her mouth. "Turn around." He lifted up slightly and grabbed her arm, encouraging her to move onto her back.

Olivia shifted beneath him, trying to turn over in the small space he had afforded her. Her peaked nipples scraped across the hard muscles of his chest and another wave of pleasure coursed through her; all of her senses were on fire. As soon as she had settled on her back, Elliot slipped one hand into hers, and she pulled her legs to the side to accommodate him as he settled at her entrance.

Olivia arched her back and Elliot felt his erection penetrate her slightly. He dropped his head to her shoulder and bit down lightly, stilling her beneath him. He lifted his head and stared down into her eyes, his lips mere millimeters from hers.

"In less than a week…" He sucked her bottom lip between his. "You're going to be my wife." He whispered as he released her. He trailed his tongue along her lower lip before he slid it inside her mouth, and Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and tilted her head to the side, deepening the kiss. Elliot devoured her mouth as Olivia slid her hands down his sides.

Olivia slid her hands around to his ass, loving the feel of his strength in his thighs and his ass. She squeezed gently, urging him forward. She broke the kiss as he slid inside of her slowly…filling her…stretching her….and they both groaned simultaneously at the sensation of their bodies joining together.

Elliot still had one hand pressing hers to the bed, but he released it to brace himself against the bed as he started moving against her. He trailed is other hand down to her breast, tweaking her nipple as he covered her mouth with his. He was kissing her hard, but he had to break the kiss as he felt her body clenching around him already.

"Fuck." He choked out as her walls tightened and he released her breast, trailing his hand down her body until he reached her thigh. He ran his hand down and pushed her leg to the side, taking the last space inside of her as he thrust into her, eliciting another gasp from her.

Olivia dug her nails into his ass as she lifted her hips to meet him. There was the slick sound of their bodies connecting over and over again…and Olivia was trying to hold on as the familiar heat rushed through her body. She released him and grasped the sheets next to her, closing her eyes as she focused on the sensations coursing through her.

"I can't…I can't…" she choked out as Elliot thrust into her hard with a grunt, and her orgasm tore through her as she felt her body clench around him. She heard him let out a curse and then she felt his release…the warmth spreading through her. She opened her eyes and saw his head bowed and his eyes closed as he muttered under his breath.

Elliot fell against her then, still buried deep inside of her, and kissed her hard. Olivia wrapped her long legs around him, trapping him there, and wrapped her arms around his neck, sliding her tongue between his lips. They were both breathing hard, and with Elliot's weight on her, she finally had to break the kiss.

Elliot buried his face in her neck, swiping away the strands of hair as pressed his lips against her skin. He placed a small kiss beneath her ear. "So fucking good." He said in a gasping tone. Her muscles were still clenching around him, sending aftershocks through his body and he growled into her neck.

"Hmmm." Olivia murmured, tracing patterns down his back with her hands. She slid her hands down to his ass and squeezed again, pressing him tightly against her again. "I think I'm going to keep you right here." She whispered. She felt Elliot smile against her skin and she knew she'd get no argument from him.


	88. Chapter 88

_Author's Note: I appreciate your patience in waiting for the wedding. It was a hard chapter to write, mostly because it's the last chapter of this story. I never anticipated this story would go on this long when I started; never anticipated how much you would like it. I appreciate each and every reader, and loved each and every comment. I know people want this story to go on. Some want to see Elise when she gets older, and some just want to see what happens next. I may write more of this story later on – Deception…the sequel! LOL. Anyway. Thank you for your support. And watch for more EO coming your way. Please leave a review or comment, or send me a comment via PM or on Twitter. I love hearing from you. Best regards…EOROCKS_

EOEOEOEO

Elliot closed Elise's bedroom door and headed back towards the living room. He stopped short when he saw Olivia stretched out on the sectional with Matthew snuggled against her chest. The room was dimly lit by the flames in the fireplace, but he could see that she had one hand on his small back and her lips were pressed lightly to the top of his head. He could see she was talking to him as he slept, but he couldn't hear what she was saying.

He knew she was struggling a little with the thought of leaving him tomorrow. But they had agreed that having him at the wedding would be disruptive for everyone…more so for the baby than anyone else. It was only going to be 24 hours, but since his birth eleven weeks before, Olivia hadn't been away from him for more than a couple of hours.

The fire crackled in the fireplace, creating a bright glow on the scene before him, and he smiled as he watched the two of them. He was so excited for the wedding…it had taken years to get to this point, but he couldn't remember a time when he had been so happy.

He saw Olivia lift her head, and look over at him. She gave him a big smile and nodded her head to the side, motioning for him to join her. He crossed the room and walked around the back of the sectional, sitting next to her. He wrapped his left arm around her shoulders and placed a gentle kiss on her temple. He leaned over and gave Matthew a small kiss as well, and looked back up at Olivia.

"He's going to be fine."

"I know." Olivia said, rubbing the baby's back lightly. "It was really nice of Kathy to offer to take him." She had been really surprised when Kathy had called her. Kathy had helped them out with Elise in some pretty horrible situations and she was thankful for that. But this was different…this was her ex-husbands wedding to the woman she had blamed for breaking up her marriage. "She didn't have to do that."

Elliot ran his hand up and down her upper arm and squeezed lightly. "Well, I think she knew that everyone else we knew was going to be at the wedding…"

"Still." Olivia really appreciated the gesture, and she knew that while she and Kathy would never be good friends, they had made a lot of progress over the last six months. She would have to make more of an effort when this was all over, since Kathy had really been the one to go out of her way to help them.

"If you want to change your mind, I can call Kathy." Elliot knew that they had plenty of hands at the wedding to help out with the baby.

Olivia shook her head. "No. He's better off at Kathy's. He can stay on schedule and he'll be much happier. Plus, everyone else can have a good time at the wedding and we won't all be distracted." She leaned in and kissed him again. "I have to get used to being apart."

"Are you going to be OK going back to work on Tuesday?"

"I don't want to think about it." Olivia said. The reality was that although it was going to be hard to take him to daycare, she was ready to get back to work. Except she didn't even want to think about trying to get two kids out the door in the morning.

"You know, if you don't want to go back to work, we can talk about that." Elliot said.

Olivia turned her head to look at him. "Sometimes I think you're trying to get me to stay at home."

Elliot shook his head. "No. Don't twist my words. I'm just saying that if you want to wait a little longer or if don't want to go back at all, we can work it out."

"That's not me El. I'm sorry…"

Elliot pressed his lips to her ear. "Stop. I'm happy if you're happy." He meant what he said.

"I'm happy." Olivia said. "I've never been happier."

Elliot let out a little chuckle.

"My happiness is funny to you?" Olivia asked.

"No. I was just thinking the same thing."

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?" Olivia asked, shifting slightly so that she was leaning into Elliot's body a little more.

"Not in the least." He trailed his fingers down her arm. "But this _is_ my last night as a single man."

Olivia raised an eyebrow. "True. Maybe you should call some of the guys and go out. Take advantage of your freedom." Olivia teased. They had talked about the bachelor and bachelorette party's people had when they were young; agreeing wholeheartedly that they were too old for those things. "Have one last fling before you're tied down."

Elliot nuzzled his nose in her hair. "That's a good idea." He trailed his free hand down her arm. "If only I knew a single woman I was attracted to." He trailed his hand back up to her shoulder. "Hey baby, what're you doing tonight?"

Olivia laughed. "If that's a pick-up line, then I know I never have to worry."

EOEOEOEOEO

Kathy arrived at 9:30AM as planned and Olivia grabbed a few bottles to pack in the cooler while Elliot went down to put the car seat in her car.

"I really appreciate this." Olivia said as she set the small cooler on the table. "It was really nice of you to offer."

Kathy nodded. "I know it would be hard to have him at the wedding. It's really not a problem."

Elise ran into the living room and stopped in front of Kathy. "Hi Aunt Kathy." She said, smiling up at her. "Did you know I get to wear a pretty white dress today?"

Olivia smiled; the dress was all she had been able to talk about all week since they'd picked it up. They weren't having anything formal beyond a best man and maid of honor, but all of the kids were part of the wedding party. Elise had dubbed herself the flower girl after a friend of hers had told her about her own stint in that role.

"No, I didn't know that." Kathy said, humoring the girl. "I'm sure you're going to look very pretty."

Elise nodded. "Yes, I am. I got new white sparkly shoes and Mommy painted my fingernails pink." She held out her hands for inspection and smiled as Kathy told her they looked nice. "I have a pink bow for my hair." She said. "And we get to go to the hair place and Mommy said they would tame my 'ruly hair but I don't know what that means."

Olivia ran a hand through Elise's hair. Her dark hair had grown quite a bit, and it had some natural curl to it. It always seemed in need of brushing. "Your unruly hair." Olivia corrected her. She squatted down next to her daughter. "OK El. Say bye to Matty."

Elise turned her head sharply to look at her mother. "Why do I have to say good-bye?"

Olivia groaned internally. She realized that they hadn't told Elise that Matthew was going to Kathy's. Despite her original concerns about having a younger sibling…she was completely overprotective of Matthew. Most of the time, it was wonderful. She was loving towards him…doted on him…and Olivia loved to watch the two of them together. "Matty is too little to come to the wedding. Only big kids get to come." She appealed to Elise's sense of pride in being old enough to come to the big event.

"But he wants to come to the wedding." Elise argued. "Everyone is gonna be there and he has to be too."

"El." Olivia said. "He's just a baby. He doesn't want to be there. He is going to be sleeping."

"He told me he did." She said, her bottom lip forming in a pout.

Elliot walked into the apartment and the minute Elise saw him, she made a beeline for him. Olivia stood with Matthew still in her arms, and saw Elliot scoop her up when she reached him.

"Daddy. Mommy is giving Matty away."

Elliot furrowed his brows and looked over to where Olivia and Kathy were standing. He quickly surmised what was going on. "He's just going to stay overnight at Kathy's." He said, running his hand down her back. "We will pick him up tomorrow."

"I know but you said our whole family will there today and it's not if Matty's not there." Elise put her hand on Elliot's shoulders. "I talked to him and he won't even cry He promises." She said earnestly.

As if on cue, Matthew opened his mouth and let out a loud squall, and Elise looked over at him with a scowl. "Matthew Joseph Stabler." She scolded.

"Honey. Matthew is going to Kathy's because we're all going to be very busy today. You're going to get your hair done and put on your pretty dress and then we have the wedding and you get to stay up way pat your bedtime. End of story." He kissed her forehead and before she could argue anymore, he set up down. "Now go kiss your brother goodbye and put your shoes on. You and Mommy have to get going."

Elise hesitated a second, and then she must have decided there was no point in arguing. She walked back over to where Olivia was standing. She scrambled up on a chair and peered down at Matthew, who had quieted with a pacifier in his mouth. She reached over and popped it out of his mouth, and Olivia was surprised when he didn't let out another cry. However, she knew Matthew loved Elise and he was watching Elise intently as she peered down at him.

"Sorry brother, but you can't come to the wedding. You're too little and you have to go to bed at the reg'lar time but I get to stay up past my bedtime and I'll remember everything and then I will tell you all about it and I know you will have fun at Kathy's because I've stayed there before and we played Candyland but you're a baby so you can't but…"

"El." Olivia said, trying to cut off her notorious rambles. "We have to get going. Say goodbye."

Elise gave her mother a slightly exasperated look, but she leaned over and kissed her brother on the forehead. "Bye Cap'n Jack." She whispered. Then she popped the pacifier back in his mouth and hopped down from the chair, running to get her shoes.

Olivia gave Matthew a kiss and handed him to Kathy, and watched as Elliot walked her and the bags out the door. She felt a little sad when he closed the door, but then Elise ran back into the room and slipped her hand into Olivia's and gave a little tug.

"Are you sad?" Elise asked.

Olivia smiled, always surprised how tuned in to her moods Elise was.

She shook her head. "Not at all sweetie. I'm very excited."

"Cuz you're marrying your prince?"

Olivia really hadn't thought about it in those terms, but once the words came out of Elise's mouth, she smiled. "Yes…I'm marrying my prince."

EOEOEOEOEO

The late morning and early afternoon flew by. Casey was standing up as her maid of honor, and she and the three other girls had met Olivia and Elise at the salon to get their hair done. Olivia couldn't decide what she liked, and ultimately left her hair down, with only a slight curl. The other girls left their hair natural as well, but they had a lot of fun together, and there was a lot of chatter and laughter and general excitement.

When they were done, they stopped and had lunch at a nearby restaurant, and Olivia was surprised to find that she was a little too nervous to eat.

Casey leaned over. "Are you OK?" she whispered, noticing the untouched food on her friend's plate.

"I'm fine." Olivia whispered back, not wanting to draw attention to her comment.

"You're not pregnant, are you?" Casey said with a chuckle.

Olivia shook her head. "God no." But as the words came out of her mouth, she did some quick calculations. "No." She said under her breath, not even able to imagine herself with another baby on the way.

Casey laughed again when she saw the look on Olivia's face. "Tell Stabler…" She didn't finish her sentence though as Olivia nodded at the kids and she realized the table had gotten quiet.

"We'd better get to the hall." Maureen said. "It's almost 3."

They had found the perfect, intimate spot for their small wedding. It was an old building that had once been an ornate carriage house, just slightly outside the city. The original house had burned down and whomever had owned the property hadn't rebuilt. Instead, this small plot had been sold off and put to use. It had a fieldstone exterior, and the inside had been renovated to be used as an event center. It was appropriately named Whitely Event Center, after the name of the original owners. It reminded Olivia of something you might find in the English countryside, and she wondered if the original owner had been a Brit. Whoever had renovated it had tried to be true to the original design, repairing the high, arched windows and the large beams that supported the arched ceiling. Dark wooden planks had been added to cover the original dirt floor, and the room had a warm glow from the wood that went halfway up the walls. The plaster had been painted a pale cream, and there were beautiful paintings in old wooden frames adorning the walls. The room was relatively small, but was perfect for the fifty or so guests that would be in attendance.

There were two large wooden doors that rolled back on metal rails to give entrance to a second room, and the interior of this room was similar to that of the first. It had an old wooden bar along part of one wall, and it was meant to be used for dinner (or lunch) and dancing if desired. Olivia had fallen in love with it the first time she saw it…and thought it was about as close to a church as you could get without being an actual place of worship. Elliot loved it because she did, and they had moved ahead with their plans.

Olivia was anxious to see the place, with the decorations and flowers in place. When they arrived, Olivia could see a bustle of activity as everything was being put in place. She let out a small gasp when she walked into the first room. There were white padded chairs covered in white fabric lined up in neat rows, and the aisle down the middle was lined with stands full of flowers. There were white lilies and roses, with smaller pink roses and green ivy, and some of the greens and flowers were trailing down towards the floor. Ribbon and tulle were intertwined, and it made a beautiful walkway towards the front.

At the front, a dais had been placed so they would be standing just a little higher than everyone else. A beautiful chandelier was centered over the spot they'd be standing, and two other very large plant stands were on either side with flowers sprayed out so they were at least two feet taller than the stands, and plenty more ribbon, tulle, green ivy and flowers trailing down to the floor. It was amazingly beautiful, and she made a mental note to thank Don, who had insisted on paying for the flowers. He must have told them to take whatever she had told them and amp it up ten times because this was more than she had imagined and it was absolutely gorgeous.

"Olivia." Kathleen gasped. "This is absolutely beautiful." She said reverently. "It's almost looks like a fairy tale."

"It is." Said Elise. "She's marrying her prince."

Olivia heard the girls laugh at what Elise had said, but she barely heard it. She didn't really ever consider herself a girly girl…not overtly sentimental with romantic notions about a fairytale wedding. But when she saw the transformation of this room, she did feel a bit like a princess and she realized she was really happy that Elliot had talked her into a traditional wedding. She didn't think she had wanted it, but now…seeing all of this…she realized that deep down, she did. This was so much better than a courthouse…but not quite a church. It was absolutely perfect.

"Liv?" Casey said, taking her elbow.

Olivia looked back at her and smiled. "This is amazing." She said. She realized that all of the girls were standing there looking at her and she smiled. "Let's go get ready!" All of the girls started moving towards a large room at the back of the main room…probably a former bunk room or office that had been turned into a dressing room. The entered the room, and Olivia saw a two vanities, both with large mirrors, and a rack holding her dress and another holding everyone else's. There was another door at the end of the room, and she saw it was a bathroom.

"Are we all going to get dressed in here?" Elise asked, looking up at her mother.

"Yes." Said Olivia.

"But then everyone will see my underwear."

"We're all girls, kid. We've all got the same parts." Kathleen said. "I don't care if I see your underwear."

Elise seemed to accept that answer and started taking off her shoes. Olivia started to help her, but Kathleen intercepted her. "You only have to worry about yourself today." She said, nodding towards the vanity. "Finish up your make-up. I have this."

EOEOEOEO

Elliot and Dick arrived at Whitely, and he looked around quickly to make sure he didn't accidentally see Olivia. He could hear the girls talking and laughing behind a large wooden door at the back of the room, and he smiled as he imagined the fun and chaos in that room right now.

He looked over at Dick and saw him roll his eyes.

"Girls." He said as he walked farther into the room. "This looks pretty good Dad." Dick turned to look back at his dad. "You look good too."

Elliot smiled and looked down at his attire. He had decided against a tuxedo, and had elected a dove grey suit, complete with a white shirt, matching vest and grey tie. Dick was wearing something similar. "Right back at you."

"So are you nervous?" Dick asked.

Elliot shook his head. "Not at all."

"You really love her huh?" He asked.

"Yeah, I really do. I know this has to be hard for you." Elliot said, acknowledging how hard it must be for his kids to see him marrying someone else.

"It's OK Dad. It was weird at first but Liv's pretty cool."

Elliot closed the gap between them and grabbed Dick in an awkward hug. "You don't know how much I appreciate that."

Dick pulled out of the hug. "C'mon Dad. You're messing up my hair." He said with a laugh.

"Don't worry. There aren't going to be any girls your age here."

"Then I'm outta here." Dick joked as he took a step towards the door. He stopped when he saw Terry and Jamie walk in.

"The better man is here!" Terry announced as he strode right for Elliot, delivering a fake punch to his gut.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Elliot said. He had asked Terry to be his best man because he had really helped him through a rough time when Olivia had left before. He thought it was appropriate, now that everything had worked out for the best.

"When does this shindig get going?" Terry said, looking at his watch. "It's already 4:30."

"Guests should start arriving any time now." Elliot said. "The wedding starts at 5." He took one last look around, and went into the next room to make sure everything was set up for dinner. He saw one large rectangular table at the front, which was adorned with more flowers and place settings for he and Olivia, Casey, Terry, Jamie and all of the kids. Then there were eight other round tables, replete with white tablecloths and white draped chairs. At the center of each table was an old lantern, a candle glowing at the center and more flowers and greens. The table was set with beautiful old china and pale pink cloth napkins. The lights were dim, and sconces all around the room emitted soft candle light around the entire room. It glowed with warmth as the light from the late afternoon sun shone in through the windows. Satisfied that everything was in place, he retreated to the outside to greet their guests as they arrived.

He had just made it out with Dick in tow when Don walked up. Elliot saw a serious expression on his face, and when he reached them, he held out his arm to shake Elliot's hand.

"Big day." He said.

Elliot nodded, and he could see the emotion in Don's face. "Olivia and I are really happy that you're going to be walking her down the aisle."

Don pursed his lips together and nodded his head. "I'm happy the two of you asked. It's been a long road Elliot. Who would have thought…" He shook his head at the memory of Olivia on her first day. "You know, you really have me to thank. I was the one that paired the two of you."

Elliot chuckled. "You're right. Thank you."

"Some days I questioned my decision. You two could be a real pain in the ass." He shrugged. "But here we are." He shook his head again and walked through the door.

It wasn't long before other guests started to arrive. They didn't have a lot of family, but Elliot had invited a few cousins he had been close to. There were a few of his buddies from the Marine Corp and their spouses, his partner Tony and his wife. Fin and Munch of course, each with a date, and Alex had flown into town with her latest boyfriend in tow. There were fellow officers from the squad, past and present, and Elliot was surprised to see people like Cassidy and Jeffries show up. Olivia had invited some friends from work and the neighborhood she'd gotten to know in Connecticut, and from her current job. The kids had each been allowed to invite a friend, and Maureen's fiancé, Sam was there with his parents. It was a hodge-podge of people; a cross section of their life. And he loved it.

The last person there was Judge Donnelly. Both he and Olivia had gotten to know her fairly well over the years, and it was a compromise they had reached to have her conduct the wedding ceremony. She had agreed to something more than the traditional civil ceremony and they had gone over it with her a few days back.

He looked at his watch and saw it was ten minutes until the ceremony. He walked back inside and saw everyone was seated, talking to their neighbors around them. He started to feel a little nervous and excused himself and went into the men's bathroom. He leaned against the counter, his arms outstretched, and took a deep breath. He had no doubts about today…but it was still a momentous occasion.

His heart was thumping wildly in his chest as his excitement and nerves ratcheted up. He wondered how Olivia was feeling right now. He wondered how he would feel seeing her standing at the end of the aisle. He knew she'd be absolutely stunning; he couldn't wait to see her. He took another deep breath and ran a finger under his collar.

He heard the door open. "Dad? Ready?"

Elliot pushed himself up and stood straight, looking into the mirror. He straightened his tie and pulled on the lapels of his suit jacket. He nodded and smiled at his reflection. "I'm ready."

EOEOEOEOEOEO

Olivia took one last look in the mirror when Casey told her it was time. She turned and looked at the girls as she smoothed her hands over her dress.

She smiled when she saw them standing in front of her. They were all allowed to pick out something in a shade of pink, and of course, they had all selected slightly different shades and styles, from tea length to long dresses. But it was a beautiful mix with their blonde hair and their fair skin and they all looked beautiful. Elise was standing in front of Kathleen in her white dress, the full skirt ending just below her knees and her glittery white shoes sparkling in the light. "You girls all look so beautiful." She said, and she felt herself tearing up.

Kathleen shook her head. "No. You're the one that looks beautiful Olivia. That dress is perfect."

Olivia hadn't wanted anything frilly and the dress she had selected was fairly simply. It was a simply V-neck bodice that showed a little cleavage, but wasn't too revealing. Gentle, scalloped lace framed the bodice and trailed up into simple straps that rested right on the edge of her shoulder. The dress narrowed at the waist, with a small band of crème lace to accent her waistline. The skirt flared slightly from there, framing her hips and then flowing more loosely once it hit her knees. It was covered in more lace, but was very elegant and understated. She had wrapped a strand of her mother's pearls around her wrist a couple of time to make a bracelet, wanting a piece of her mother with her on this special day.

She felt a little nervous about her decision not to put her hair up. Or to wear a veil. She had wanted to keep it simple; she hadn't wanted to look like anyone other than who she was.

She had no idea what Elliot was expecting. She hoped he liked it.

"Dad's gonna love it Liv." Said Maureen, and Olivia gave her a big smile.

Olivia walked over to where the girls were standing. "I'm so happy that you're all here and a part of this day. I know this may be a little hard for you…" She wanted to be sensitive to the fact that this had to be odd.

Elizabeth shook her head. "Dad is so excited Liv. He's so happy. That's all we want. For both of you."

There was a knock on the door and Olivia felt her heart skip a beat. Casey opened the door a crack and then looked back at Olivia. "It's Don."

Olivia nodded. "Let him in." She turned to face the door.

Casey stepped back and let him enter.

"It's time. You ready?" he asked as he walked in. But he stopped in his tracks when he saw Olivia. "Oh my." He said softly.

The girls quieted down and moved to the side with Casey, seeming to understand the importance of the moment.

Don walked over to Olivia and she could see his eyes were shiny with tears. "You are the most breathtaking bride I've ever seen." He said when he reached her.

Olivia's cheeks flushed slightly; those words from the man that she'd grown to look at as a father really meant a lot. She knew he was being sincere. She reached out and took his hands in hers.

"Thank you." She said softly. "And I also want to thank you everything you've done for me over the years. Taking me on as a rookie detective, having patience with me and not giving up on me during some pretty rough times, and most of all, helping me out when I had no one else in the world. I really treasure our relationship…you've really become the father I never had. And I couldn't ask for a better grandfather for Elise and Matty." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek, and Don pulled his hands from hers and wrapped his arms around her, giving her a hug.

"Thanks Olivia. That means a lot to me. You and Elliot and the kids are the family I never had." He pulled back and saw tears on her lower lashes. "Now, now. No crying. You're going to smudge your makeup." He said with a smile, and he produced a small white handkerchief and handed it to her.

Olivia smiled and dabbed at her eyes.

"You ready?" Don asked again.

Olivia nodded. Casey rushed over and handed her the bouquet of white roses. "Let's do this."

Olivia and Casey moved off to the side, so they couldn't be seen when the wide door was opened completely. The girls lined up…Maureen and Kathleen in the front, holding small bouquets of their own. Elizabeth was behind her, and Dick would meet up with her outside the room. Elise was bouncing with excitement behind them, and Liz turned to give her final instructions on strewing the rose petals from her basket. Little did she know that Elise had been practicing at home with a basket full of Cheerios. Olivia leaned over.

"Girls."

They all turned to look at her and she smiled, so happy at the love and acceptance from these kids. "I love you." She said.

The girls all broke ranks and moved back towards her and they all crushed together in one large group hug.

"We love you too Olivia." Kathleen said. "If we're going to have a stepmother, we're glad it's you."

Casey jumped in. "Liv…the music was playing but now it's stopped. Elliot's going to think you've changed your mind!"

The girls all hurried back to their places and straightened their dresses and their hair. Elise was picking up the few rose petals that had fallen from her basket during the last few minutes. Casey pulled the wide door open, shielding she and Olivia from view, and the girls lined up just outside. Dick was there, and took his place next to Elizabeth.

The music started up again, and everyone gathered turned to watch the processional. The sun was starting to set up this late March afternoon, sending a rosy glow into the room. The candles were all lit, and Elliot was amazed at how surreal it all seemed.

Elliot swallowed hard when he saw the girls standing there. They looked beautiful…and he was surprised by how old they looked. He knew that in less than six months, he would be walking Maureen down the aisle. He was amazed at what wonderful young adults they had become. He beamed with pride, his nerves forgotten, as Maureen and Kathleen headed down the aisle towards him. He glanced over to his left at Terry, and Terry winked at him and smiled.

Maureen and Kathleen reached him then, and he gave each of them a hug and a kiss before they went to sit in the reserved seats in the front. Elizabeth and Dick started their procession as soon as their sisters were seated, and Elliot smiled at the goofy looks on both Elizabeth's and Dick's faces as they knocked into each other lightly as they walked. When they reached him, Elliot repeated the ritual, even giving Dick a kiss before they sat down on the other side of the aisle, closest to him.

He turned and saw Elise standing in the doorway now, shifting from foot to foot. He saw her look back, and assumed Olivia was giving her some last instructions. She must have told her to go…and to walk slowly…because as soon as she turned her head back to face the crowd, she started walking slowly down the aisle. She was sprinkling rose petals and smiling like crazy, obviously happy at being the center of attention. He took a deep breath, watching her walk towards him in her white dress. She looked so much like Olivia that it still jarred him some times.

Elise saw him watching her, and she gave him a small wave after releasing her handful of petals. Elliot smiled and waved back at her, and watched as she resumed her duties. When she had reached the dais, she still had quite a few petals left, so she spun around and walked back up a few feet before Elliot could stop her, and started scattering them around and headed back towards him. That got a small laugh from the crowd, and she beamed from the attention. When she reached Elliot, he squatted down.

"I did it." She whispered. "They're all gone!"

"Good job." He placed his hands on her cheeks and kissed her forehead. Elise wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You look very pretty Daddy." She whispered as she gave him a kiss.

"You too princess." He nudged her towards Kathleen. "Go sit with your sisters." He said. "And be good." He whispered behind as she turned and moved towards Kathleen's outstretched hand.

Elliot stood and took a deep breath, stretching his neck as he ran a finger beneath the color of his shirt. He felt Terry elbow him in the arm as Casey came into view and he realized he had completely forgotten about her; he'd been expecting Olivia.

Casey looked gorgeous in her long, pale pink dress and he smiled at her as she walked down the aisle. She stopped when she reached him and he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, already looking towards the back of the room to see if Olivia was there.

"You doing OK Stabler?" Casey asked in a hushed tone.

Elliot nodded.

"You look nervous as hell." She teased. "Don't worry. She's not gonna stand you up. She's still back there…and she looks absolutely stunning."

She moved to the side then, and turned back to face the rest of the guests.

At that moment, the music changed to Canon in D and Elliot turned from scanning the faces of the guest to the back of the room. His breath hitched when Olivia came into view. Don moved to her side and took her arm. When Casey said she looked stunning…she'd been dead on. The white dress fit her figure perfectly; the white a stark contrast against her dark skin. It was simple and elegant and he loved the fact that she'd left her hair down. The dark locks were curled and framed her face beautifully, and he noticed the rose colored lipstick as she gave him a small smile. His eyes moved up to hers, and he smiled broadly, wishing he could tell her how absolutely gorgeous she looked.

Their eyes locked…and in that moment, there was no one else in the room.

Olivia smiled back at him. Elliot looked so handsome. And just a little bit cocky, with his hands clasped together in front of him. He obviously wasn't nervous in the least, and she took some of his calm for herself.

Don squeezed her arm lightly. "Ready?"

Olivia whispered back. "Yes."

They started their slow processional down the aisle, and Olivia noticed that Elliot's eyes never left her. She really didn't see anyone else as she walked…her eyes were trained on him as well. When she got close, he stepped down from the dais and met her and Don. Don leaned over and kissed her cheek, and then he shook Elliot's hand.

"Take good care of her." He said gruffly and then smiled, knowing that was a foregone conclusion. He stepped to the side and sat down next to Dick and Elizabeth.

Elliot took a step closer to Olivia, holding out his arm as he turned to face the judge. He leaned over and whispered in her ear. "You look so beautiful Olivia."

Olivia turned her head slightly and gave him a small smile. She could feel tears welling in the back of her eyes, and she had told herself she was not going to cry today. Elliot moved forward and they both stepped on up the dais to join Casey, Terry and Judge Donnelly.

"Ladies and Gentleman, I have been asked to preside over the wedding of Elliot Stabler and Olivia Benson, and it is not a responsibility that I take lightly. I've known these two for quite a while and grown to admire and respect them. For what they do and what they have done, and for the humanity and empathy and generosity they give to the world. I'm happy to see them here, surrounded by family and friends, on this momentous day."

Judge Donnelly looked down at Elliot and Olivia, who were still facing her. "I have a few questions for you." She said with a smile.

Elliot let out a small nervous laugh, as a plethora of questions popped into his mind from their past history. He wiped the smile from his face when he saw her purse her lips, and he couldn't help feeling he was being scolded. He felt Olivia squeeze his arm slightly and he knew she felt the same way.

"Olivia Margaret Benson. Is it your intent to be married to Elliot Stabler on this day?"

"It is." Olivia answered solemnly.

"Will you love him, comfort him and honor him, in sickness and in health and be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"

"I will."

Donnelly turned to Elliot.

"Elliot Joseph Stabler. Is it your intent to be married to Olivia Benson on this day?"

"It is." Elliot answered, glancing over at Olivia, who was staring straight ahead.

"Will you love her, comfort her and honor her, in sickness and in health and be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"

"I will."

Donnelly addressed the crowd. "Is there anyone present here that knows of any reason that the two people standing before us should not be wed?"

Elliot tensed slightly, almost expecting Munch to throw out some funny excuse, and Olivia laughed slightly as if she could read his mind again. The judge waited for what seemed longer than necessary, and Elliot raised an eyebrow when he looked up at her.

"OK then." The judge said. She motioned for them to turn to face each other, and Olivia took a deep breath, handed her bouquet to Casey and turned to face Elliot. He took her hands in his, looking down at them before he moved his eyes to meet hers. He could see tears brimming on her lower lashes, and he smile confidently, squeezing her hands lightly. "It's OK Liv." He whispered.

Olivia swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears at bay. She looked into Elliot's eyes, and she could see everything she'd ever wanted. Like that, her nerves were gone and she blinked away the tears. She took a deep breath and gave Elliot a big smile.

They'd opted to go with traditional vows, both nervous that they wouldn't remember them and neither impressed with their own writing skills. However, they'd told the judge that they may adlib a little at the end.

"Repeat after me." Judge Donnelly said. "I, Elliot Stabler, take you, Olivia Benson, to be my wife."

Elliot smiled when he heard the word wife. He took a small step forward, so he was a little closer to Olivia. "I, Elliot Stabler, take you, Olivia Benson, to be my wife." He remembered the rest, so he didn't wait for the judge. "To be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know, I will respect your integrity and your abiding love for me through all of our years, and in all that life may bring us." He leaned down slightly and looked into her eyes, wanting to add his own words. "God has given me my soulmate and I feel like the luckiest man alive. Sometimes I feel like I can't even make you understand how much I love you. I want to grow old with you, and there will never be anyone else for me until the day I die." He lifted their joined hands and placed a gentle kiss on the top of Olivia's hand. He looked up and saw the tears had returned, and he swiped his thumb beneath her eye to catch one that had escaped.

Judge Donnelly looked at Olivia. "Repeat after me."

Olivia didn't wait either and she didn't care what the judge thought. "I, Olivia Benson, take you, Elliot Stabler, to be my husband." Her voice wavered a little as she choked back the emotion. "To be no other than yourself. Loving what I know of you, and trusting what I do not yet know, I will respect your integrity and your abiding love for me through all of our years, and in all that life may bring us. I feel like I've been blessed to have you in my life. I've loved you for as long as I can remember and I know it is a rare gift to have found someone that loves me and cares for me the way you do. I will treasure this gift until I take my last breath on this earth."

Elliot squeezed her hands as her last words fell from her mouth, and he wanted to pull her into his arms that very moment. She had swallowed back the tears though, and he saw a smile on her lips.

They both turned their heads to look at the judge, and she motioned to Terry. "The rings please."

Terry stepped over and handed her the rings. She held them in her hand, and picked out Olivia's ring. She handed it to Elliot.

Elliot dropped Olivia's hands as he took the ring from the judge. He turned back to Olivia and she lifted her left hand.

"I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity." He said as he slipped it on her finger. He could feel her hand was shaking slightly, but when he looked at her, he saw only joy on her face. The tears were gone and she had a big smile on her face…almost a look of excitement and anticipation.

Olivia plucked Elliot's ring from Judge Donnelly's hand and took Elliot's hand in hers. "I give you this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity." She said, sliding it on his finger. It stuck a little around his knuckle and she had to push hard, getting a small laugh from Elliot.

Elliot and Olivia turned back towards the judge.

"Elliot and Olivia, in the presence of those assembled here today, have joined themselves to one another as husband and wife. What God has joined together, let no one separate." The judge winked at Elliot then and Olivia smiled at his sneaking just a little bit of religion into the ceremony.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present to you, for the first time as husband and wife, Elliot and Olivia Stabler."

Elliot and Olivia turned to face their guests, their hands clasped together.

"Elliot, you may kiss your bride!" Judge Donnelly said loudly as the crowd started to holler and clap.

Elliot turned to Olivia and pulled her close, wrapping one arm around her waist while his other hand tangled in her hair. He looked into Olivia's eyes and then he kissed his bride.

When he released her, they turned back to face the crowd. Their hands were clasped together, and they both had huge smiles on their face as their guests continued to clap. She heard someone whistle loudly and she quickly found Fin in the crowd. Casey thrust her bouquet back into her hands as the music started again, and Elliot stepped off the dais. He held Olivia's hand and helped her down, and Olivia looped her arm through his as they headed back down the aisle.

When they reached the back of the room, they turned to each other. Olivia wrapped her arms around Elliot's neck and he around her waist. He lifted her off the ground and twirled her around slightly as she leaned in to kiss him. As he set her down, the kids swarmed around them, and they broke apart, taking turns to hug each of them. Elise was tugging on Olivia's dress and Dick picked her up so she wouldn't get crushed in the melee. They were all in a tight knot, and Olivia felt such joy at being surrounded by their large family.

When the kisses and hugs were done, the kids started to move out of the way. Elliot took Olivia's hand again as they turned back towards their guests, and they saw everyone moving in their direction. First in line was Casey and Terry, followed closely by Don, Fin and Munch. They hadn't planned on having a receiving line, but it kind of turned into one, and they accepted congratulations mixed with a few smartass comments, along with hugs and kisses, from about half of their guests before Casey, Terry and Jamie were able to usher everyone into the next room.

Olivia started moving towards the other room but Elliot stayed in place, forcing her to stop. "Wait a minute." He said quietly.

Olivia turned to look at him, and he tugged on her hand, forcing her to close the gap between them.

"I want another kiss Mrs. Stabler."

Olivia raised an eyebrow and gave him a small smile. "We have guests waiting…"

"They can wait." He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her body against his. "I want to kiss my wife." He wrapped his hand behind her neck, letting his fingers get entangled into her hair. He pressed his lips against hers and he felt her relax in his arms.

Olivia snaked her arms around his neck and tilted her head, opening her mouth to him. Elliot smiled against her mouth; apparently the guests were forgotten.

"Ahem." Elliot and Olivia broke their kiss, and saw Don standing there. "Everyone is wondering what happened to the happy couple. I guess I can tell them that you already started on the honeymoon."

Olivia laughed. "We were just coming to join you." She slipped her hand into Elliot's and pulled him towards the doorway to the main room, following Don through the double doors.

There was a low murmur throughout the room and music was playing lightly in the background. People were standing around in small groups, some with drinks in their hands. Elliot snagged two glasses of champagne off a small table as they passed by, and handed one to Olivia. She took a sip of the sweet liquid as they made their way into the crowd.

They worked their way over to where Casey and her date were talking to Jamie and Terry, and thanked them for being in the wedding. They had just finished signing all of the paperwork with the Judge, and Casey noted Donnelly was over at the bar, getting a drink. It was just a few minutes later that she joined them, offering her congratulations as well. They all chatted for a few minutes and then Elliot and Olivia moved on.

"Olivia, you look radiant." Munch said, giving her another kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you John."

"You had a chance to back out Liv." Fin said. "The judge gave you plenty of time."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Elliot said, wrapping his arm around her waist. "She can't back out now."

Elliot saw Maureen waving him over. "I'll be right back." He figured she wanted him to meet Sam's parents.

Olivia was introduced to Fin and Munch's dates, and they chatted for a while longer. She excused herself and moved on to the next group, catching sight of Elise with Kathleen and Samantha out of the corner of her eye. She hoped she wasn't being too much trouble, but Samantha had assured her not to worry about her.

Olivia and Elliot kept working their way around the room, glancing up at each other every now and then, until it was time for dinner. They stood together at the head of the table as everyone was seated.

Elliot clinked his knife on his glass to get everyone's attention and the crowd quieted down.

He wrapped his right arm around Olivia's waist and gave her a quick smile before turning back to their guests. "Olivia and I want to thank everyone for being here and sharing this day with us. It means a lot to both of us. You're more than friends…you're our family. We hope you enjoy your evening…have some food…have a few drinks..." He looked over at his kids sitting on either side of them. "Except you." That got a small laugh. "Anyway. Thank you for all of your support over the years." He lifted up his glass. "And now…a toast…to my beautiful bride."

He clinked his glass with Olivia's, and they heard the tinkle of glasses around the room as they both took a sip.

Dinner was wonderful, but Olivia barely ate. She kept looking around the room, trying to absorb every detail...wanting to remember all of it. The sight, the smells, the sounds, the emotion. She would never have another day like this one…she never wanted another day like this one…and she wanted to commit it to memory.

"I love you Mrs. Stabler." Elliot whispered in her ear, getting her attention. She turned to face him.

"I love you Mr. Stabler." She said with a smile and gave him a quick kiss.

"Mommy!" Elise was standing between them suddenly. They had been so focused on each other, it startled them suddenly, and they both laughed. "I got chicken nuggets and French fries for dinner because the lady said I'm special."

Elliot pulled Elise up on his lap. "You are special." He said, kissing the top of her head. "And I didn't have a chance to tell you how pretty you look today."

"Like Mommy." Elise said.

"Like Mommy."

"Kathleen said there's gonna be music and dancing in a little bit. Can I dance too?"

"Absolutely." Olivia said.

"But she said you get to dance with Daddy first."

Olivia laughed. "I do. But you'll get your turn."

That seemed to appease her, and she hopped off Elliot's lap. "OK but let's hurry it up." And she was gone.

EOEOEOEOEO

There had been a small break after dinner, and while the guests were having dessert, Elliot and Olivia had some photos taken. Some of just the two of them and some with the kids. When they were done, they went back into the room, and saw that many of the tables and chairs had been moved to make room for people to dance. There was a man in a corner with a sound and light board, and the music was queuing up. Elliot and Olivia had left the music to the kids; so they weren't sure what to expect. But Kathleen had assured them there would be a good mix, and something for the "old" people.

The DJ called for the bride and groom and Elliot took Olivia's hand and led her out onto the dance floor. Olivia didn't really like being the center of attention, nor was she a good dancer. But neither was Elliot.

"One dance Liv." He said. "Then everyone will join in."

 _Wonderful Tonight_ by Eric Clapton was playing over the speakers, and Elliot wrapped one arm around her waist and grasped her left hand in his right. He pulled her close, and started moving her gently around the dance floor.

Olivia melted against him, resting her cheek against his. "This has been such a magical day El." She whispered. "It almost doesn't feel like it's real."

"It's real." Elliot whispered back. "One of the best days of my life."

"Thank you."

"For what?" Elliot asked, still whispering quietly.

"For talking me out of a wedding at City Hall."

Elliot chuckled. "It was for selfish reasons. I wanted to see you in that white dress walking down the aisle."

"I didn't think I'd ever be here. That _we'd_ ever be here."

"I did."

"Even…" She stopped herself, not wanting to bring up the darker part of their history.

"I had hope." Elliot said, reading her thoughts once again.

"When I gave you no reason to."

"I had enough faith for the both of us."

"We wouldn't be here if you hadn't." She thought about everything that had happened, and that it had all hinged on Elliot's forgiveness. She would never underestimate the power of love again…and it might have even made her believe in powers she had never had any reason to believe in before.

"Everything happens for a reason Liv. We met…we became friends…we fell in love…we were meant to be together." He pulled back slightly and she did too. "I meant what I said during the ceremony Olivia. They weren't empty words. I'll love you until the day I die." He kissed her gently. "You know that right?"

Olivia nodded. "I know." He pressed her lips to his. "I love you too."

Elliot smiled. "I know. And now... Less talking and more dancing." He pressed his cheek to hers again and whirled her around on the dance floor.

Before they knew it, the song had ended, and another was starting. The kids had swarmed them, and Elliot was dancing with Maureen and Olivia was dancing with Dick and pretty soon they were all dancing together. In another few minutes, it seemed that all of their guests were on the floor and the music turned to something faster. Olivia was dancing with Casey and all the girls, and she saw Elise laughing as Elliot held her in her arms and moved around the dance floor.

By the time 10PM rolled around, the party was in full swing. Everyone had had a little too much to drink, and Olivia was glad to have Don there to keep track of everyone and call some taxis. She had gone over to the bar to get a glass of water; she was slightly buzzed from wine and champagne.

"I'll have some water too." She heard Elliot's voice as he came up behind her and rested his hand on the small of her back. When they had their drinks in hand, they both turned and leaned against the bar, looking at the scene in front of them. Everyone was out dancing, with the exception of Don, Terry and Jamie. Elise was sound asleep, stretched out on the table in front of Don, with a scrunched up tablecloth tucked under her head and his hand on her back. The music was pumping and Olivia laughed as she watched Munch out on the dance floor. "I'm glad everyone is having a good time."

Elliot chuckled beside her. "Me too." He slipped his hand into hers and started to lead her towards the door.

"Where are we going?" Olivia asked, looking back at their guests.

"Don't you trust me?" Elliot asked, wiggling his eyebrows at her.

"Of course…but our guests." She motioned back into the room.

"Won't miss us." They had slipped through the doors and into the room where the wedding had taken place. The room was still dimly lit by the soft light of the candles. Elliot spun around and faced Olivia, stepping into her space. She backed up slightly with each step he took, a small smile on her face. Elliot reached for her before she hit the wall.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked in a whisper.

Elliot closed the last gap between them, and her back connected softly with the wall. He rested his left arm on the wall next to her head, and the other hand on her waist. "I'm kissing my wife." He whispered, leaning in and grasping her lower lip between his. He released her mouth. "My wife. I like the sound of that."

Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her mouth against his. When she released his lips, she smiled against his mouth. "Olivia Stabler." She said the name softly. They had fought about taking his last name, but now she was glad she had.

"It sounds good." Elliot placed a kiss on her jaw and then started kissing his way down her neck.

"It does." She let out a heavy sigh. She couldn't remember feeling more content than she did right now. "I'm so ridiculously happy right now."

Elliot lifted his mouth from her neck and straightened up, looking into her eyes. "Me too."

Elliot turned his head as he heard a cheer come from the other room. The music started pumping and he could hear clapping. He looked back at Olivia and pressed a gentle kiss on her lips. "You want to get out of here Mrs. Stabler?"

Olivia smiled and pressed her hand to his heart. "Well, Mr. Stabler…I thought you'd never ask."

 _Fin_


End file.
